₦airaland Forum

I think he should leave Newcastle or his talents will be buried there!

sistawoman:
Is it a pride thing that wont allow the men to acknowldege this and accept this?
Is this that egocentric thinking peeping it's little head up.
When taking english in school are these type of differences in lauguage usage discussed?

No, it's far from pride. It's a profound wealth in ignorance.

Their egocentric thinking is directed somewhere else because ascertaining such a mix up is clueless rather it's used in trampling on a woman's emotions and make her feel like she's got no choice. But then, what do you say to people who equate jealousy with love?

Schools are different in Nigeria. Just like it is everywhere else, there's private and public schools. Private schools are way better and 100% effective than public schools. In public examinations, students from private schools perform exceptionally better than their public school counterpart, they also are confident in representing what they have been taught in school which includes moral education. Not to deviate from your question, proper use of English Language is extensively taught in private schools than it will ever be in public schools. So this depends on what academic world one has been exposed to. Private school, yes! Public school? No!

I have been in an almost same circumstance as well and I have to put it to you like this, it will hurt, but she's a damn liar. I don't know how to straighten this comment to make you understand but there are so many loopholes in the story. The truth is obviously missing.

For you to have gone there without prior information strikes me more like you don't trust her one inch which I think must have been based on what you think she might be doing. You also said they told you she's been away for 10 days but for what? A birthday party? Hell no! If I'm very right Ife to Osogbo is as distant as just a 30-minute drive -- and she was there for 10 days? Although distance don't tell why she could have been there that long but for a mere birthday party, that's bullshit.

As for the guy making her drink to being tipsy was her choice because she could have easily chosen not to drink --- what did she think the drinks will do her when she was taking them? Make her swing her booty more on the dance floor? Going out with a guy, drinking and thinking nothing will happen is just a silly excuse girls give to have miscellaneous d**cks at parties -- I once caught someone's girl being f**cked in a car at a party and this was with a total stranger -- now this type of girl goes back to her boyfriend and claims she loves him. Nigerian girls are just insatiable cheats and that's the truth.

If you want to continue the relationship with her, it's left to you to decide whether you can live with the stigma that she had sex with someone else. The point, however, is that she lied to you but what guarantee do you have that she won't do it again? None! I am of the opinion that you should back out of a relationship where trust doesn't exist because when there isn't no trust sh*ts like this are meant to happen.

Dr Kitaun:
and I still maintain; no one made u JUDGE over anybody

its the www . . . live with it !

Either you have a problem understanding my comments or you don't take time to proof-read whatever you say. If you know what judge means you won't be prejudicing. What does judge mean anyway? Check your dictionary and rephrase your comment. Should you be missing the point, I was just expressing dissatisfaction over his riding ridicule on some other people's parent or family and that's not being judgmental. Need I say more Kartoon?

gen2genius:
@ Theseeker

Try to be more practical. "Love" and "like" in whose language? Are we talking about LINGUISTICS here or FEELINGS? If in his native language, there is only one word for "love" and "like," how do you expect him to AUTOMATICALLY know that it's not the same in the English language? Do the westerners themselves learn so fast when they come here? This our "kolo" mentality sef. Haba!

I'm talking feelings. Nigerian guys so many times can't differentiate like from love. Speaking of languages, some tribes have different terminology for like and love respectively. Elaborating my point on why some still get it mixed up, I meant that even some people who are learned and are supposed to be exposed can't still make a distinction between like and love. However, I'm flying in the face of a popular notion that you love someone at first sight which is very common in Nigeria.

sistawoman:
But if dealing with women in the Western world should not the brothas understand that the over use of the word is seen as fake and shady here? That coupled with the distrust that already is an underlying issue with Africans and Westerners should not the brothas be a little bit more sensitive when dating in our world?

Dating someone locally and in the western world doesn't make much of a difference. What matters is the better understanding that like and love don't ever mix. They are two different and very distant facts. Love involves and entails a lot of factors, which when put into test, will survive the toughest situations. More so, I think men should tell it like it is and should not misconstrue attraction for love -- they should be able to articulate their emotions and tell when love comes into play or when it's being stalled.

sistawoman:
exactly.

so where as a real r/s could have bloosmed from the meetings it is killed right away with the 9ja brotha saying i love you too soon and an american girl not understanding he means i like you.

Yes, that's it. They can't differentiate 'like' from 'love'. Some don't even know what love means-- they just profess it.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]LOL
It used to be that men didn't say it so much. It was believed that it was because they were men and not prone to such feelings or that as men, it wasn't in their nature to say it out loud. I usually think it's because they didn't feel it, thus don't say it. Now, it's used as a means to entice females because we so love to hear that we are loved [/color]

Some men of old fashioned character still believe it's not valid to tell a woman he loves her or even show it in his actions. Probably because it's a wide belief that when you do it shows you're weak and Nigerian girls in their renowned style, will take advantage of that and think he's being a lame duck.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Or mistake infatuation/attraction for love.[/color]

Very right. I still find it amusing but disappointing that some guys act below the belt and mistake likeness for love. I still think most of these guys are so engrossed with Nollywood flicks featuring Ramsey Noah, Emeka Ike, Ini Edo, Mercy Johnson and the likes --- where Emeka sees Ini Edo and tells his friend Pat Attah that he's seen a girl at the mall and he 'loves' her

MRbrownJAY:
LOL. you know, some ladies make rules as they go along in their relationships and, sadly enough, some men fall for these.
i would really like to know what was the first gift he gave her that HE thought was expensive and SHE thought was cheap.
Poster, can you give us some more details on what it was?

I don't think she's coming back here.

sistawoman:
so when a guy walks up to a girl he does not know in 9ja and tells her he loves her very much and wants her to be his gf, what does the girl say?

Does she try to reason with him why he loves her and does not know her?  Or does she get all gushy and accepts that he loves her but really he only likes her and wants to get to know her?
Or is it that there is no translation for like in the various languages?

*For instance there is no dirrect translation for "I miss you" to yoruba.*

There is a direct translation of "I miss you" to Yoruba -- it is "Mo n se aro re"

Besides, most guys here talk to girls in English Language, the learned ones that is. The sad thing is most girls fall for this prank but the truth is most guys can't differentiate their feelings from likeness and love.

MRbrownJAY:
oh man, you took the words out of my mouth!
this guy must have bought plenty but none must have been to her expectations.

I still haven't seen where giving gifts is one of the fundamentals of keep a healthily lasting relationship, even marriage.

jay bee:
bang on point sis.
Naijas misuse the word love a lot cos in ma books [b]likeness+tolerance+adoring = Love [/b]and it takes time before all 'em key ingredients upgrades to Love.

You're right! But in some rare cases, the partners just might quickly and easily fit in within a very very short period -- that can not be unconnected with some couples who get married within 5 months of knowing each other and are doing very well in all fronts.

I don't think love equals the same as like. They are both entirely different. You don't love someone you never had anything to do with or someone you never really spent time with. You only like them. When you like someone there are different approaches to that --- one is when you like them for a reason which you rarely find in people, another is to like everything about them for no reason and wanting to know more. I don't believe in love at first sight, you only have a feeling different from the random feelings you have for other people. In Nigeria, "like" can be equated to "love" when guys use it to sway girls unfortunately, and bad enough, it works on them. It's time demarcation is placed and the true meaning of these words don't get mixed.

debosky:
'decent' - The girls who end up at 40 with no prospects due to undue posing and attitude.

I wish they'd know this and do the right thing. Some guys might be shy and feel very insecure about themselves when it comes to talking to ladies while some need some hints before they could go for her, some wouldn't even go for the kill at the disclosure of every available hint -- so why not the girl say what's on her mind?

eyonigger:
Lol @ Debola

Tseeker, the reason why I used the word decent there is because:

A prostitute in disguise can make a direct approach at a guy knowing fully well that she can earn her carrier or life through you.

In Nigeria here, these are lists of girls I can call decent based on this kind of ur topic:

JUVE'S
GRADE 1 ARISTOS
APAYAN AND SOYOYO.

An hardcore prostitute is an exeception.

I guess Nigerian girls -- no offence to them --- are like Pandora's box. You don't know what's exactly in there until you open it.

eyonigger:
It actually depends, because this has happened to me once.
The gurl came with an indirect approach, but as a soji guy I know what she wants.

I dounbt if any decent girl in Nigeria here would give you a direct approach.
But over there in some African countries, they do, and most especially in the White countries.


That is to say: if it happens here in NIGERIA, a lady is throwing away her pride, but in other more civilized countries its a normal thingy.

What does the word "decent" stand for contextually? I quite understand that girls in Nigeria can't do it because of what the society -- and the guy in particular-- will label them. However, by the word "decent" do you mean any girls who does that in Nigeria is immodest?

[quote author=cooldud62* link=topic=293246.msg4151006#msg4151006 date=1247006432]@poster, because girl don toast you now,
you come dey feel abi?
it happens everyday and it doesnt
make them less important or which english you use sef?
Girls who do that aree better than those using vibrators[/quote]What do I do with you? I don't know. Where did I specify they are less important? I studied it's been going on around everywhere and I seek the opinion of the people on it. Personally I don't see anything wrong with it, I see it as being confident and extremely good about themselves. You should always comprehend every details of a post before you dish out your rants.

MRbrownJAY:
why do men go and chat women up?
men think that they are secure in who they are and what they have to go up to a lady and chat her up.
so in my book, if a lady is secure in who she is and decide that she want to chat some guy up then, why not?
people should go for who they want in life not who has the guts to come chat them up.
some men out there are shy and even when they would like to talk to a prospective lady, they dont find the courage, so if a lady can make that first move , its all good for the both of them.
if a women sees something she likes and want, she should do whatever is in her power to get that person's attention or more.
the last thing you want to do is let that opportunity go and then regret for the rest of your life.
people who think that these women are desperate dont really get it. confidence shouldnt be seen as desperation.

in what "dating manual" does it say that women should wait for men to make the first move?
women put on all the make ups, the hair do, the push up bras, the fake nails etc and then you bloody wait?!
all these stuff are to attract men but you just aint got the knowledge or balls to go further.
this is common in everything about relationship: you dying to shag the hell out of him but wouldnt dare tell him until he made the first move. you are dying to marry him but would wait until he pop the question. oh ladies!

You're the man bro. We can always expect to hear good comments from you man.

Secretz:
I know a lot of women who might like to date your boyfriend . . . . . I mean he's caring, thoughtful, takes you out on dates, seems committed. . . . . Please leave him for someone who would appreciate those little things. Na by force you must stay with him?

Tell her girl. I didn't know it was mandated. She made is sound so easy to find a guy who could care about her like he does.

These tips are meant for those who are new to having relationships. You, first of all, could have done a lot of good defining what true love means then you can see if your tips fit in or not. I don't see these tips leading anywhere near detecting true or fake love if ever there is anything of such. Love is love, ain't nothing like true or fake love.

Arrant nonsense. You even have the gut to say you know what you're doing. Stupid twerp!

bee22:
@ MrBrownJay,i get ur points but haba not even 1 gift in 2years, That's a long time.
I'm not a huge fan of expensive gifts, would have been singing a different tune if she had said he wasn't buying her expensive things or sum'n but if he hasn't bought her anything at all then i think it's weird. He is her bf,so i'm pretty sure she'll know if he was saving 4 a house or land or car.

And can you honestly believe the guy hasn't bought her anything in the last two years? Maybe you're not following the poster's assertions. She said he hasn't bought her any gift that she can be "proud" of him for yet. And we all know such gifts are meant to be expensive. I get your drift that maybe she's trying to be romantic, sad to say, she's not cut out for that. She wants the gifts that will act as a show off to her friends. Maybe her friends' boyfriends are buying them cars and all and she feels he's supposed to do, if not more, the same others are. Has she taken to time to know what he feels about giving gifts? Did she tell us at all what she'd given him? No! She said she made some sacrifices, what kind of sacrifices? And don't all relationship come with some sort of sacrifice or the other?

Here are the links to the Live memorial Service

http://edition.cnn.com/video/fb/facebook.html?stream=stream2

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/22887506#22887506



Leave your comments and let us know what you think

@iicee

Nice one there.

It all boils down to what the both partners agree to. Also, it's all about if their religion allows it -- some religions detest it seriously while a negligible few think it's ideal as long as they show the strong intent of marriage.

In Nigeria as an instance, some tribes always want to know a woman is able to get pregnant before marriage and that can only be proven my getting her pregnant so there won't be an alarm when they are finally married -- I have yet to see a tribe in Nigeria that kicks against it anyway.

Legally, it is allowed.

But the consequences might be slightly gravy, what if for some reasons they don't end up getting married, what happens? I have seen marriage plans collapse less than a week before the wedding date so you don't know what goes for what these days.

There's no contesting the fact that there are a few women out there who have problems conceiving let alone having a child and a guy just might not know what he's getting into, in fact, some ladies don't know until they are married and figure out they can't have a child then they both start running all over visiting hospitals and private surgeons and gynecologists.

Marriage in my opinion should not be hinged on having kids alone but surely having kids is an important if not the most integral part of marriage next to the main factor, love.  

For me, it depends on the girl really but on average, I would want her to be pregnant after we're married unless of course a doubtful situation pops out.

[quote author=oyinda. link=topic=293246.msg4146581#msg4146581 date=1246936817]lol[/quote] Well, isn't it strenuous? Looks like a factitious link.

You said you slap yourself till tomorrow for not smiling.    Just kidding anyways. But a smile goes a long way I have to say. Personally, I wouldn't go for a lady who doesn't smile. The first thing that attracts me to a lady is her smile _{and not with ugly teeth}

Cheating is the most constant attribute of at least 86% relationships often perpetrated by either the guy or the lady or even both parties. In your opinion, from your experience and situations you have seen, who cheats more in a relationship? Guys or Ladies? And why?

Sickening! I'll make another thread to deliberate more on this and not only centered on guys