₦airaland Forum

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ON SECOND PAGE

Life is really hard on nairaland frontpage these days




The hustle isn't for those with weak network


Na now we sabi those wey dey use Airtel.... There is no way they are making frontpage in 5 lifetimes

Jennimma:
Okay,i'm number 4...but my mum isnt "stern faced" na

read it again... you are number 2

1- The perpetual late comer: This one has an obsession with being noticed. She always 'majestically' dogwalks( not catwalk) into the church right in the middle of the service, swinging her small but 'standard' bumbum, head held high, and proceeds straight to the front row. Her 'long walk to freedom' most times succeeds in destabilizing the pious and godly 'Brothers in the Lord', who now have a hard time concentrating on 'Manna from above'. She is usually young, pretty, and very much a busybody. *marieolae*

2- The Extremely Gorgeous Chorister: This one is dropdead pretty, has an angelic voice, and is the church's golden girl. At times, she also leads praise and worship sessions. Her 'ministration' is most likely to lead a man to hell than heaven. Watching her 'dance to the Lord' is like watching soft porn.. It can cause a guy an embarrassing erection right there in the House of The Lord. She doesn't dress or act slutty, but her dressing and carriage is just modest enough to conceal the essentials, and revealing enough to make an aroused dude drop his whole month's salary into the offering Box. Too many brethren are seeking her hand in marriage, and she has her choice of pick among the church's most eligible bachelors. So she is a bit proud, condescending, and mostly unavailable if a guy tries to 'corner' her after church service. *Jennimma*

3- The loud ones: These girls usually come to church just to hoot, shout 'ride on pastor!', speak in tongues, and roll on the floor, during the pastor's Ministration. In my view, these are the Pastor's sycophants. They really make the Pastor look anointed, with all their psychedelic activity. They are the the ones who rush out when the pastor says that all virgins should come to the alter. They are also the ones who always fall around, breaking chairs, and alarming everyone , all in the name of being 'under the yoke of the anointing'. Stay away from these kind of girls, before them comot your eye, or cause u grave physical injury, while under their 'annointing'. *onila*

4- The 'Mummy's Girl': This one is always accompanied to church by her stern-faced mum. She is usually not older than 16, but looking very delectable and fresh. (You know that 'innocent freshness' girls usually have at one point in their teenage years, before 'everything' starts going south). A dude dare not come within talking distance of this chick. Her mum is far more interested in protecting her daughter's presumed innocence, than whatever it is the pastor is carrying on about. These are the kind of girls a guy can do nothing about, but admire from a safe distance, unless you wish to extend your investigation beyond God's House. *mzpreshie*


5- The young, beautiful and newly married girl: This one always has a permanent smile plastered on her face. Why she no go smile? She has broken the yoke of spinsterhood in grand style, and most unmarried sisters are envious of her 'progress'. Most of the time, she is married to a much older rich dude who is a member of the Pastor's inner caucus (the Church Cabal). She usually wears expensive wrappers, distracting headties (gele), and hardly stays at one place all through, and even after the service. No be her fault sha... Why she no go show herself? Husband don really scarce for town. *Kachisbarbie*




NOTE: This work is mine... Not copied and pasted from anywhere ..... So please don't ask me about the source... I AM THE SOURCE

marieolae:
oga, ah beg free me na

carry waka happy jujuing

Ipledge:
Marieolae fine pass her

no be only marieolae .... Na Lai Muhammed... I go like sabi marieolae juju man sha... There is no other plausible reason why she should have so many likes on her signature... Unless there is something she is sharing that I am not aware of

I wish him quick recovery


He doesn't deserve to die like this.


He is our soldier... Not an Ebola statistic




these mods are really putting us into marathon mode...

Seun, abeg help us beg dem na... They should slow down.... They have nothing to prove

And I suppose the reinstated police escorts are escorting him into the National Assembly to do what? Do preparatory shopping for government house furniture?


NIGERIAN LOGIC BAFFLES ME

Nice yam


Na to go Amsterdam go auction am


YAM FROM THE GODS

BIDDING STARTS AT $150,000.....

the mod that removed my post on frontpage.... Hmmmmm..... I leave you on Sango's cutlass.... May he deal with you as you have dealth with me

*in Terry G's weed-laden voice*


And so?





In other news jare.... All these girls forming for guys on nairaland

Silly Stuff like these are best left abandoned in the garbage heap of history.


That is why I always rep OAU... their students can never be seen doing stuff like this...

alligatorswerve:
and where is the forth grown man. Show me pls

modified... Thanks... Buh na the devil I been see for their between

GAY!!!

Three Grown men chilling naked in such close proximity



Don't mind me




I am hopelessly Homophobic

And some girls on this nairaland be like

I am not married

But I and my girlfriend are so close to each other, that the only difference between us and a regular 'married couple', is that we have not done those ceremonies that married people do


So, by virtue of my being 'married by implication', I can authoritatively say that she will undoubtedly be my next of kin, just as she is my 'next of skin'....

Na thunder go fire that sibling wey go wan displace my girlfriend/ wifey

Kachisbarbie:
Mr Nice Guy

ok

Follow your own advice

Don't take undue advantage of him

Kachisbarbie:
Types of Boyfriend.

@tosyne2much, I wonder wetin home girls done do you...lol
__but whatever it is - na 50:50.

The Jealous Boyfriend: The jealous boyfriend will absolutely lose his cool at you over the thought of you talking to his best friend while making a cup of tea in one room while he is in another. He is extremely possessive. He isn't trying to control his girlfriend...nahnah___ just that he has "little faith in the society".

Insecure Boyfriend: He is similar to the jealous boyfriend but more narcissistic. This happens when you carry babe wey pass you hehe...
He is insecure because of his stand in the society and the fact that he is hooked with a "hot girl".

Joseph The Dreamer: This one wanna be like Dangote. "Someday I'm gonna be rich and famous, I don't know how___ but, God is in control". He needs that lady that would help him pursue his dreams, morally/financially if need be.

The Egoistic boyfriend: He is self-obsessed with himself. Doesn't care about your feelings or the relationship. He is most likely rich or built like Treysongz...if not,why homegirl go dey tolerate da kind thing? lmao

Mr Nice guy: This is that genuine guy every girl is looking for (Chibwike). He is ever willing to listen to you, has your best interest @heart.
___ Please don't take advantage of him.

The Jerk Boyfriend: He is not really egoistic, but probably isn't fascinated by the whole relationship thing. He is probably in one, just for the sake of being in one or to avoid being tagged g**.

The Sensitive Boyfriend: This one just wanna depreciate your body value...hahaha. "Touching body boyfriend"
He is perpetually aroused, this could be an advantage/disadvantage__ depends on the babe.

Antique Boyfriend: His ideology of life is so 1960. He keeps reminding you that you're not mature or you act childishly. He isn't fascinated by social activities. You guys might just stay @home and talk about the Civil War.

Parasitic Boyfriend: This is a clear example of an endo-parasite and problem child. He doesn't have any dream, he isn't a hustler. Just wanna live off the babe, when you refuse to give___ you know the rest na.

Hommiez over Chick Boyfriend: He prefers to hangout with his hommiez than be with you. His friends come first, no matter what. Don't push too hard, because you may be tagged that evil chick that wanna break friends up.

Add yours...don't over-add o .
That's all #kisses#

ok


So which 1 of them did you end up marrying

Let us thank God for what we have.... A democracy, however dysfunctional it might be, is still much better than the best of dictatorships


At least I can wake up from my siesta and decide to name my Dog, 'Goodie Jonathan' or 'Babs Fashola'

Mu

Front page for the 10th time today



Make dem free the girl jare


Instead, all those clamouring for her death should be drawn, quartered, and have their body parts left in an open field, for vultures to feed on

I am tired of being on frontpage


Life is sooooo simple I

Even without the nairaland app

Really

Ok

NEXT!!!

So?

Ok

Now,the country having the highest population of ugly people on earth is now slinging mud at Nigeria


I no blame them sha

That's what happens when Nigeria allows their mad relative dance naked in the marketplace... Allowing a little insurgency bloom into a full-grown monster has made us an international example of how 'a country should not be governed'.


GEJ, TAKE NOTE!!!

Ok...what am I supposed to say now



Ok



More power to their elbow

Seriously


I don't believe this ish


Since when did 'don Jazzy' become a news source?



If na true


Then the house must be Heaven's satellite campus here on earth...... Na for the house dem dey buy Direct Entry form to heaven

*Modified* First to comment for the First time in my Nairaland lifespan...

My condolences go the the poster above me whose comment was deleted... Your downfall led to my uplifting... Alleluiaaaa

This is the punishment that should be meted out to the degenerate

STORY FOR THE GODS




Now wey dem dey quarrel, dem no gree us hear word.... But we no go hear when dem settle....