₦airaland Forum

blessedqueen:
Mind u am married with two lovely kids am telling u from d experience of odas

blessedqueen:
If u say so but I av seen d ones dat wen dey will be in a relationship(he is not rich ooo) dey talked abt marriage n family bla bla he slept with her and told her see I don't think I can marry u and all dat n d chick 3 months later he is married to anoda girl even impregnated her wot will u call dat and many oda stories like dat. Women av deir faults n men too. Am pregnant with my ugly face now men still dey look me no be my face dem dey look oh na my body how dis chick go sweet for bed,dats men for u any man here shud quote me wrong

There are quite a no of men out there who do not think commitment but just want to play around.However,it's still wong to generalise.There are good guys who want to marry but have financial challenges-unemployed or underemployed.
Girls ought to be SMART.Fall in love with your heart but think well with your head.I don't know if it's cos I'm a guy,but I can tell what you are about within a short time of knowing you.
The phrase,'I'll marry you' is like a password for men who meet ladies who are ripe for marriage.It's open sesame and the girl begins to get under the sheets.If a man marries another woman in less than 3months of dumping a lady,does that not tell that he never took her serious in the first place and that he was in another relationship and using her as a side chick?

@bolded,yes there are men who want to sleep with anything in skirt-some men.Many men however stay on their lane.If I may ask,what is your impression of your husband?

Rhebekah:
What can you say about parents disowning their children because they never marry from their religion?

Parents are to guide their children and use their experiences garnered over the years to help them make the right choices.

Parents however cannot choose for the children.What if the parents themselves are in the wrong faith?

blessedqueen:
Babyosisi to be factual dere r no marriageable men out dere dey all just want to do okafor's law

Look for the one that practices Ebube's law na.
On a serious note,there are.Most girls just want the made men and incidentally,the made men want to play.
An average girl won't give a corper a chance for instance.

Evina:
WOW! What a thread!

I stumbled on this thread a week ago or thereabout, and haven't focused on any other thread since then. I have taken the time to read through ALL the pages. It is like reading a book to me, a practical guide to building and sustaining a successful marriage.

This thread has touched the very depths of my being. Reading people's personal experiences and comments have really broken me in some way.

I have yet again reached the conclusion that I will indeed be walking down the aisle in May, with a man who is God's PERFECT gift to me. This thread made me realise I need to CHERISH this gift more than ever before.

We have been through it ALL in nine long, wonderful years! God has helped us. There was even the challenge with MIL to be, but the way God arrested the woman's heart ehn, makes me so humbled that God carry this union for Him Almighty head.

I really don't know how to appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman who created this thread @Babyosisi, the contributors:

@Thorpido: I have deep respect for you. You are a great man with great wisdom.

@madam Chair cover: so sad to see you deactivated your account. You have this warm mature spirit. The effect of your post is calmness. You are indeed a blessing.

@ Bukatyne: I love you. Mature, funny, cool.

@ Floodgater: God bless you real good.

@ Ujujoan: what a great woman you are. Thank God for your home.

@ EfemenaXY: hmmm. Aunty, Migwo. you are too harsh oh. One can perceive you've got several shades of intelligence and wisdom but it's quite sad that we don't really get to benefit from you in totality, because the value of your message is lost in the brutality emanating from your post. I could tell you are not a patient person madam and you would often scare people, whom you can be a blessing to, away, with your hostile(for lack of a better word) demeanor. Please if it is tough love, it is too tough. Tone it down ma.

@ Cococandy: you are soooo sweet. Thank you for being here.

@Herzumpther: for real? Is Lakes the one you are picking the date with? I hope oh sis.

To all the other contributors, God bless you and reward you richly.

Finally and once again, madam Babyosisi, you are blessed. In fact I think we should draft a script based on your life experiences in love and marriage and then make a movie. seriously! Think aborit.

Thanks for the compliments.
I just read your story and I have to say that I don't have any advise to give you.lol
I wish you all the best in your wedding preparations.

Marriage is beautiful.....it starts with making the right choice.
Understanding that as a couple,you need to work for each other.Selflessness is very essential.Be friends of each other.
There will always be challenges but as friends you can always be a strong tag-team.
If you are not an atheist,God is The Anchor.When you have the love of God in you and marry a partner who also loves God,that love is reflected in your relationship too.

Mustiboy:
so what are you saying in essence sir

I will suggest you get him to a teaching hospital and make him see a consultant physician/psychiatrist.

What treatment has he been receiving?It's not just about going to hospitals,it's about gong to the right place,getting a right diagnosis and the right treatment.
I know it will still cost you some money but it may not be much.
What is your dad being treated for?I believe he needs psychiatric evaluation.

econome:
As in Oluwatayo, Oluwaseun, Oluwaseyi, Oluwafunmilayo, Oluwafemi etc..

Tayo we know,seun we know,what does Buhari mean?

What would this name mean?

coogar:
after agreeing men & women are cheating with a reckless abandon, you still heap the blame on the men in your title.

why should we take this OP serious?

Her purpose is to blame the men and the wo-men.

@mathdiva,
Must he be catholic?It limits your scope but i understand it might be the choice you want.Do you also want someone that is just of your tribe?
You don't seem to be desperate but you apparently come off as one to the guys you meet.Like the guy who said you were rushing things,you probably appear to want to jump into marriage from the word go with the guys you meet.That is a no-no for a lot of guys,it scares them.

[b]My girlfriend says I love too much from the beginning and that scares guys off or makes them think am desperate. She also said buying expensive stuff or surprise gifts for guys as a rich babe gives them the impression you are trying to buy their love, meanwhile if it was a student of a lower income earning babe they would see it as a sacrifice on her part or proof of love[/b]Your girlfriend is right.You have the money and you think it's a nice thing to spend money for the guy you're with but you need to take it slow.Let the guy get to know you well enough and let him pull his own weight in the relationship before you start giving all those gifts.Let you gifts be time,care and attention for now.
Sex also means commitment to most ladies but guys don't see it that way.It's a physical thing for most guys and not emotional.I think you shouldn't make that a quick offer once you settle into a relationship.
@30yrs,i know you think time is no longer on your side but you don't have to try to buy love.When next you meet a guy,just take it slow,no rush.Get to be his friend first and see how it goes.It gives you time to know what he is about.
It's too early to start thinking of adoption.

Are you sure the man gave birth to that girl?Inquire well.

Someone of his status ought to know better.If he has grievances,he knows what channel to make use of.He has been enjoying the power all along and he,like others cannot imagine it slipping from their hands.
His behaviour was shameful.

I think IUCD will be the best for her if she doesn't react to it.It doesn't lead to weight gain and it is almost 100% effective.
If both of you don't want more babies,you have to make some sacrifices.
Both of you should go and see a gynae or family planning clinic.

Dead on arrival.
Parallel lines don't cross.

^^^ All i see is pride.

geekybabe:
Mehn.. there are some real strong women in this place. God bless you a million times for helping people out here. Been following this thread from page 1, and been trying to convince myself that i need not ask my own questions. Cant hold it anymore, lol.

Well, the ish is this. I have been seeing a guy for about 9 months to be precise. I like him a lot, hes caring, very homy and loving. He loves God and regards me too. The biggest problem is that he is not so ambitious. and hes not bothered. I am a very ambitious lady.. all my friends know how much i hold my career in my hands and how far i am willing to go to pursue my dreams. I have done a some professional exams, attended a lot of career events, and i have a laid out career plan that i have been following for the past 4 years. I get thrilled and excited when i see guys who do not see it as a threat that a woman is being ambitious. Infact i can say one thing that my ex did for me well was that he always kept pushing me and motivating me to do more career wise. Maybe because we are both IT people.

The new bf, has not worked for over 5years. along the line he started msc and just finished. I dont have a problem with that. What i have a problem with is the fact that he is not even trying to do somthing extra alongside. hes 30. he still lives in his parents place, and depends on them. he even uses their phones to call me. I dont like this one bit, but he keeps saying that thats the only way he can keep in touch as he doesnt have much and i should try and understand. I have suggested a lot for him that he can do to be getting some money but he keeps insisting that Its only a lecturing job that he can do and that he believes his miracle job is coming.

I dont want to seem pushy, i mean hes even 6 years older than me, so he should understand life more. hes the last born, maybe thats why hes not as bothered about life and ambition like a first child like myself.
I told him before we started dating that i was going for my MSC abroad, and he was even happy, and started helping me make moves. 4 months after, he started acting funny by telling me that i should consider our new love before going abroad. He insisted that i take an msc form here in nigeria and i did, i paid with my money. Unfortunately, the uni i applied for didnt give me admission. he came back saying i should try private uni, and i told him no. I never even planned for msc here, and my parents even want me to go abroad. and that i only gave one shot at a nigerian uni and i am not trying for another. he said he doesnt want to lose me but i told him i cant alter my lifes dreams because of him. he said i am not willing to make sacrifices and i told him, the best time to make sacrifices is now when i am still a single woman and i still have time for myself.
The story is more complicated now. I have met his parents. he has met mine.all his siblings and friends know me. Thats one thing he did from day 1 to make me feel love and accepted, maybe cos he knew how badly my ex did in that path.
I mean, we are Christians, but then we should not settle for mediocrity and complacency because we have faith. I dont even need him to be rich, I just need him to show passion, and start doing things rather than talk about them. I have talked about it, and he keeps thinking there is some other guy. he keeps begging me not to leave him, that things will get better. Hes highly possesive too. if he calls and i dont pick, he gets angry. the time i finally pick he keeps shouting on phone that i make him feel like he has no stake in my life..

I am getting really confused. i mean, I keep seeing guys not even as old as him doing excellently well by themselves. And i know i definitely dont want a man i cant look up to, trust and respect as my future partner. I want a go getter for a man. Someone who wont sleep or be at ease till he has achieved a level of excellence. Someone i can trust to go out in the rainy days to look for shelter for the family. My friends have been telling me to chill, and keep praying. I have, But then i keep having great guys coming around now, do i keep ignoring them? I just dont wanna look back at my life and think things should have been better if i had done things differently.

Please i need all the counsel i can get. Thanks

He's not the guy for you.The control freak thing knocks him out.You should move on and meet the kind of guy you really desire.
Be careful with the 'great guys' coming around.You could meet an ambitious guy with questionable character.

veave:
Today its my turn.


So i've been praying for God to bring husband
there's this guy we've been on and off. One month on, one year off . I don't even know what to call it. So last year we agreed to be totally off. And he calls and says we should be on. I said ok. We don't stay together, a distant relationship . So brother always swears how he loves me and not dating anyone else. I said ok, i'm not dating anyone but lots of people call me. Finally finally, he came to family house yesterday. (i no gree make e enter o). I came out and we went to an eatery close by, just to talk. I dropped my fone on the table,brother picked it and started browsing through. Me i said God don catch you in my heart. After looking, he dropped the fone and started smiling. I waited patiently, when he dropped his fone, i picked it. Brother started struggling with the fone o. Me I said no, i have to see too. Brothers and sisters, what I saw hmnnn. What even vexed me is not all the rubbish i saw oh, its all the pictures we exchanged through whatsapp were deleted . No trace of messages shared. I was pained. I didn't talk again until he dropped me at home. I couldn't sleep at night because i was so pained. I sent him a text saying i was no longer interested. He called back this morning to ask if that was what i wanted, i said yes and he said ok. Was I hasty in taking decisions? Or?

You've been on and off and the reason why you can't finally be off is because you don't have anyone yet and you think a bird in hand ........is to be kept till another.
Young lady,make yourself free and another guy would come along.If he doesn't come soon,just enjoy your life till he comes.

babesife:
I never knew beyoncé hair was fake since she is mix. Not all women are good and not all women are bad guys that says black women are this and that they just haven't met the good ones.

The Op is speaking about AA women and he must obviously be dealing with the ghetto girls and is generalising with all black women.
He can't be talking about the educated and well exposed black women.
Some black women are bad but some white women too have bad attitudes.

cococandy:
Maybe black women would be less inhibited in bed if they weren't raise to be ashamed of their sexuality.
-A culture where virginity is still a prize and character doesn't matter. Where will the woman learn to be uninhibited?
-Where you can't freely talk about sex without feeling dirty.
-Where being a good girl is inversely proportional to how much sexual activity you've had.
-Where slut shaming is more rife than ever and a woman is made to feel dirtier than the same man she did the same thing with.

Black men should keep dreaming o.
You guys can't eat your cakes and have it back.

If inhibition is bred into your women, you have no rights to compare them negatively to white ladies when it suits you but demand conservatism when it suits you.

Mixed signals.

Now before someone gets me wrong, I'm not saying the pseudo conservatism that we try to enforce on our women makes them better than white ladies morally or chastity wise.
It just makes them more pretentious.

The inhibition in black women obviously came from cultural practices and the environment but before you put the blame only on men,I want you to know women also have a hand in it.
Female genital mutilation is championed by women for instance.

Two brothers in the same boat.Sad
RIP

EfemenaXY:
It's not funny jare.

I'm thinking, she probably meant the baby was lying transversly in the mother's womb and due to the beating the pregnant woman received from her crazed hubby, she went into labour with the baby trying to come out shoulder / hands first.

My daughter's presentation was transverse. Main reason why I had to undergo an elective C-Section to bring her out...

I figured that is what she meant.It's just funny how she put it.
It's the comment that is funny anyway not the beating.

pomsky:
[size=15pt]
......trust me, you don't want to be a part of that. My dad would laugh at me when i talked of Jesus.
My dad was a member but eventually received Jesus as Lord. To many evil and strange things happened that led to his seeking Jesus. Invisible beings would be swimming in our swimming pool, you would hear splashes in the water, see wet footsteps, but seen one. Our turkeys, were voluntarily committing suicide, strange beings would call the house phones and when you pick, you would hear demonic grunts and groans, serial episodes of vehicular accidents - onetime returning home from work, his vehicle he was driving veered off the road on its own into the bush summersalting 4 times and landed between 4 trees, you couldn't explain how it got there.
Anoda time, a big female deer ran into his car while driving that it died. You would think he hit an on-coming car headlong if you saw the impact on the car. You would sometimes hear strange voices at home.
Different troubles from every side.
It was Jesus that brought a stop to all the nonsense. I remember after he accepted Jesus as Lord, He that had fought me about reading the bible in his house would carry about 3 different translations studying them. I would go to bed at about 10pm hearing him pray in his room, only to wake about 2am and still hear him praying. He gave up his chieftaincy and would go door to door telling people about Jesus.
My friend, in a nutshell, you will see hell when you dine with hell![/size]

Let him that hath an ear,let him hear!

dominicson:
My so called christian friend, don't take it personal. I don't know who started this thread, I'm only telling u what I have conviction of. There's only one christian if you care to know, and he died on the cross.

My dear friend/pastor, when u deify religion and trivialize spirituality, you will think just as u r thinking.

As regards been lured, if u want to be honest, u should know, as I've stated, that someone who is a member of more than 50 order can only be lured by his curiosity. Don't be afraid, read and learn and be enlightened!

@bolded.This is where you get it wrong.Jesus was not a Christian and could not be.
I know people get into all sorts of things and seek all kinds of knowledge and that is why we have mysticism,astrology etc.

However,a Christian indeed does not delve into all these.The bible discourages it

Pearlzville:
Good day to you all.
Please can you advice on how to help a partner who is not open to sharing problems (personal). "When I ask, he says nothing is wrong. When he's worried he, he transfer it to me. He won't talk to me well, wouldn't call or check on me. Afterwards he calls to apologize and it happens all over again. I want to help him to stop acting that way but I don't know what to do."

If he won't grow up and start to discuss problems and seek solutions,then you may have to be rid of him.
Men often don't discuss their problems cos of ego but if this guy of yours begin to take it out on you everytime,then let him be.

babyosisi:
I have read black women say white women will do anything in bed and that's why black men like them
Is it true?

From comments I have heard from guys who have dated white girls,I think this is true.
Black women are a lot more inhibited in bed.Black women started dropping the inhibition in just the last two decades.

There are some families who grew up that way,like my neighbours.
Just let your wife know that now that you are married,there has to be some adjustments.Let her do her dressing up in your bedroom.

dominicson:
In case u don't know, Rosicrucians are the real light bearers and u can't be a Christian if u are not a RC.

By the way, what do u know about d master, Jesus Christ?

Please read, even if it is only the bible!

Bullshit@bolded.
They come with all kinds of subtlety to deceive many who cannot discern.
You can't come here to lure people with the same deception you were lured with.

Congenital malformation of the head- anencephaly.
Obviously the mother would have been taking all kinds of concoctions taking into consideration that she has been trying to get pregnant.
Such babies don't last.They die at birth or shortly after.

taryour:
I want to believe Oluwaseun was found safe and sound.

Not yet.

Lol@the baby hand fell down.

When your parents have genuine reservations about who you want to marry,it's in your best interest to do more homework about who you want to marry.
Op,she laid her bed and she lies on it that way.If she's tired of the way things are,she knows what to do.

basty:
I know an animal like me will like this kind of a dirty thread. I am not solving her problem anyway and I cannot because I'm empty headed and have nothing to offer.I am dirty and will end up compounding her problems because I don't have the sense to know that one can seek solutions or directions online.I am a fool who didn't have to open the thread in the first place.I could have checked other threads.

fixed