₦airaland Forum

t00dugged:
https://www.nairaland.com/3745111/single-guys-above-30-single/61#62927098,this one

t00dugged:
Hi, please remove 2dugged from the monthly mention, this is my new moniker, thanks

SexyCeline:
Saw this on fb and decided to share it over here.

SexyCeline:
AM GLADLY TEAM MEDIUM(LADY B)...

deturla:
A Nigerian lady, Eniola ‘Mae’ Adeniji. who happened to be my very good friend shared this story on her Instagram page and I had no choice but to share! It is heartbreaking, overwhelming and liberating at the same time. It is a LONG READ but absolutely worth every second of YOUR TIME. READ HER EMOTIONAL STORY:

So today I stumbled on an IG page of a dear friend’s wife, and got to follow the link on her profile to another friend’s Blog. Gosh, that was how I signed myself up for waterworks and haven’t been able to stop even while typing this.

The lady had shared about her journey through endometriosis and infertility, through a 3 part Blog post. I must say it is the most emotional thing I’ve read this year, gosh. I think beyond the story and the pain it was laden with, it brought so many memories for me. So so many. Gosh!

See 8 years ago I walked down the isle a very sad bride, I knew I didn’t want to, not after all I have discovered during the closest time we spent together preparing for the wedding (since it was a long distance relationship). But I was young, naive, silly, foolish and afraid of failing everyone. I was afraid about what people would say to my mother if I canceled the wedding, what the church would say to my family, what his family would say, what my friends would say. I worried so much about everyone else but ‘ME’. So like a lamb to the slaughter, I walked down that isle. I had cried to bed on the engagement night and my makeup artist had to do so much works to make my face beautiful on the wedding day.

Oh I was sad, I tried everything to be happy but I couldn’t. At a point I kept muttering to myself, ‘Eniola, you can do this, you are loving and kind and can make anyone be a better person’. How silly, because I was naive and foolish and didn’t know ‘you can’t make anyone love you, whose intention isn’t to’. _

Fast forward to 3 months in it and I knew I couldn’t do shit. I didn’t have the power to, only God can. All I could do was to truly give my best and then focus on God to help do the rest. Oh I was lonely, it was the loneliest season of my life. I wasn’t allowed to go out, have friends or do anything. There was no cable because he believes it was a waste of money. So no TV basically. All I had was my Bible and books. In 3 years I must have read about 100 books and written over 500 articles (chuckles).

I was just expected to wake up very early daily to cook, clean, lay still whenever he wants sex even if he pounces on you while sleeping, and just be mute while every decision is made around you.

And when his mother wants you in Osogbo, you are to pick your bag and go to the park and endure an 8 hours journey without a single word. With time, all that soon became a norm until a year later and there was no pregnancy. And then the daily calls started, how I am expected to explain my body and whatnot, explain my periods and ovulation, explain every headache and temperature. And then when we both visit the family for the holidays, I am told to stay indoor so people won’t see I am not pregnant. And when everyone goes visiting, I’m left in the house.

And then his family deciding which Gynea/OBGN was next for me to see, and how it must be in Osogbo and I had to travel 2/3 times every month by road from Abuja to Osogbo to see a specialist, where I was probed and poked.

Oh the endless injections, the bleeding, the constant pain and suffering. Messed up cycle and hormonal imbalances due to all the drugs and injections. And having no one to talk to through it all (because after all in marriage you are suppose to take things and refrain from talking to outsiders). I’d still come back home to a man who saw nothing but a glorified slave and a sex object.

And then gradually the many injections messed up my weight, I wasn’t eating and yet was gaining weight, my clothes weren’t fitting anymore and I was eventually left with 2/3 clothes and had to rotate them every Sunday. Oh the shame and snicker from people. My skin had become so black and carrying my dread without relocking for over a year. I hated that our Church was inside Sheraton, you can imagine the kind of people there. What was worse was nobody ever talked to me to know what was going on. Nobody, they just found a way to go round me while they chatted with him like I wasn’t there. …..Continued in next comment….

Then gradually depression set in, and then I began to lose my mind. I will be in the sitting room and forget I was cooking and the food will burn with smoke all over the house and I still wouldn’t even know until I begin choking and needed my inhaler. Gosh it felt like hell.

And then finding out a year later through another specialist in Abuja that I wasn’t the problem after all, he was the problem all along, he had no sperm count.

Amazing… I think for the first time in a long while I felt joy, I even got to shake my bum-bum after he’d gone to work (chuckles). I felt like God vindicated me and for once I was left alone. Of course the abuse continued, but at least minus the poking, endless injections and drugs.

Someday I hope to finish my book and share things I’ve not quite bring myself to share with anyone else. …Now the purpose of this post isn’t to make you feel sad, throw pity party around Naaa. No, it isn’t because I haven’t healed, I have come a very long way in my journey through healing.

The purpose is to advice every young man and woman out here to be patient. NEVER be in a hurry to walk down the isle to anyone you know deep down doesn’t honour God, doesn’t honour you, doesn’t honour anyone. One of the greatest support you can have in marriage is your partner. If they aren’t your partner while dating, marriage won’t translate them into one.

Have you ever watched a war film where 2-3 partners are paired together in a fierce battle to combat an opposing force? Now imagine those partners Waring against each other while also enduring the blow, missiles and gun from the opposing force? Get it? That’s what happens when you walk down the isle to someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart. I don’t care how rich he/she is, how beautiful or handsome or how ‘nice’ they are, if they do not honour God and honour you, you have no business walking down the isle to them.

I know for a lot of us women, the dream about a Bella Naija wedding can seem so alluring that you ignore the fact that it is just for a weekend. I know a lot of men are daily pressured by families to marry for various reasons, but marriage is forever.

Marriage is beautiful, I have testimonies all around me, but it isn’t a bed of roses, it has its best days as much as it has its worse days. The only thing that causes you to triumph is God and the right partner. There is nothing as amazing as walking through war and minefield with your best friend. A man or woman who will stand in faith for you when your faith is all gone. A man or woman who if you end up tomorrow losing your most valuable body parts, will still stand tall beside you. A man or woman that if you lose all your earthly possession will still be blooming beside you while cheering you on.

I beg you in the name of God, wait for him, wait for her and while waiting keep developing yourself towards becoming the perfect spouse you also seek. NEVER neglect the place of God and godly counsel also. Shalom.

http://deedeesblog.com/nigerian-lady-shares-her-traumatic-marriage-experience/

Chigirl042:
So u are telling me that Aki is 40 already?? Hard to believe shaa

Vikky014:
Alright. how are you?

Vikky014:
interesting. While men make the world incomplete shey

Tajbol4splend:
I think there is sense in what op posted, I see life as some place where man should opt for the best but before he can get the best, he must be open to options, being open to knowing people makes you know them, not shutting them off, you don't don't know what it's in it for you, you don't know its worth, but I think the origin of we humans' problem is inability to identify what we really need which may sometimes not be what we want, it's the reason we have problems in the relationships we find ourselves in and which gets us confused, which makes many have difficulties getting along with someone

cummando:
She Go still die last last

AishaBuhari:
This is what happens in marriages that isn't based on love. Misunderstanding, argument, fighting and then death in most cases!

Primusinterpares:
Why do I feel this is not true...

alexistaiwo:
Friendzone is Friendzone.


Don't sugarcoat it.

alexistaiwo:
Hope you know that you are indirectly advocating for friemdzoning parole

alexistaiwo:
It better be good

Sunofgod:
That's j I b r i n.

MhizzAJ:
That is why I like sensible men...It's only sensible men that reason this way

Men are totally different from boys...If you say that to a boy consider the relationship Shaky because he will think the lady is a desperado

As for me i can't date more than 2 years max

MhizzAJ:
That is why I like sensible men...It's only sensible men that reason this way

Men are totally different from boys...If you say that to a boy consider the relationship Shaky because he will think the lady is a desperado

As for me i can't date more than 2 years max

kimbraa:
E no go pass woman matter.

Rebuke:
3. Some are nothing but hustlers: these kind of Nairalanders ar jxt looking for soft landing. They prey on unsuspecting members jxt to scam them. They really have no good intentions, when they comment they jxt do so to get attention of their victims. Very dangerous set of humans.

4. Some are very nice: these set of people are d rear n vry scarce members on dis forum.

These kind of people are so real. They mean what they say and do what they preach. They are so real dat they don't even give a damn abt yhur opinion. They don't comment jxt to gain likes or attention. Na! They are blunt and yhu can go to hell if yhu don't like their opinion.

These type of people are not afraid of meeting real people bcus they have nothn to hide, unfortunately, they r not so common, jxt few of such people here.

Jupxter:
Hello Travel Agents Needed - Holland and Sweden

If you organise visa to these countries, send me an email. Check my profile for my e.mail.


Thanks

Bigii:
I caught this idiot on my way home this night. I saw it running and I flashed my phone light; immediately, it surrender and fold itself and I picked it.

Lalasticlala meat don ready

Ba:
Lol this is funny, Paul never imagined a situation where each woman would call or refer to the man "her own" meaning 10 women can call the same man "her own" then how does it become "her own"?

Wouldn't he say "our own" or "their own"?

He was speaking of each woman having or owning her own husband. Meaning, no sharing. How hard is this to understand abeg?

And you do have polygamous tendencies, so go ahead and marry ten if you like but don't twist the scriptures to deceive Christians.

simsay:
My main man, you have nailed it over and over again. You have given your possible best. Thanks for standing by the truth. God bless you.

eeshazakari:
You married her on paper,abeg how much longer do you have to wait to marry her proper, after she dn born two.