₦airaland Forum

Shokoloko:
1. It is isn't rubbish
2. Some sperm donors opt to be known by the kid at an appropriate age. The mother can easily arrange a meet up
3. A man 30 years older than a girl has no business marrying her even if it is not his sperm that gave birth to her.

I see you are a young man. I was once like you but later in life you will find out that life is not black and white. Nobody is saying that it is the best situation. It is not.
But then life is not fair to everyone and we will not say people should remain unhappy and miserable because they were not able to get married.

My brother no pun intended, the issue with many posters on nairaland is that most of them are still kids and yes i mean kids so they still see life through the eyes of fantasy rather than reality.

Fortunately they will all live long to remember threads like this just that they will not come back here to apologize for being Naïve.

The way they describe single mums go a long way to confirm how immature they are.

perambulator:
If this is how you make a living then it is even more irresponsible of you. You are like a pastor preying on the vulnerable in society. I have not seen you advice the young women how not to get themselves to a stage where they are faced with these poor options in the 1st place. Instead you are leading the old ones astray advising them to have children (many of whom will become problem children because of the circumstances of their birth) selling them hope that it is the man’s fault instead of counseling them on the dangers of having children late in life or other options for a fulfilled life without children. It is bad enough that a woman is mature and single and cant find a man, you now advice them to get pregnant without a man in their lives because the man that didn’t find them when they were single will now find them with a child.....really? You are are creating more problems for the woman, for the child and for society!!!! The fact that you can do something does not mean you should do it. There is a reason why menopause exists in nature. The child will have no father, no sibling, what if something happens to the mother? Lastly you need to coach women on realities not fantasies, we can argue over whether it is weakness or strength to reject/accept a single mum the reality is men dont want another man's child, nature did not design us that way!!! Even in nature a lion invades a pack takes the female and kills all the existing cubs. Telling women of 40 "a man who will love you will love you", is it that in 40 years they havent found a man that will love them and they will now find one after they have given birth? get real!!! Has it occurred to you that the talent pool for a woman in her 40s are flawed because most men are already married and those who arent want a younger woman? A woman of 40 doesnt have much leverage or bargaining chips to then add child to her situation and to expect to realistically have any hopes of finding a permanent life partner. Sometimes it's good to just accept one is not in a good situation and make the best of where you are without complicating your life or selling false hope.

You are clearly not thoughtful enough to be a life coach...certainly not on this issue!!!

Please next time try to put paragraphs in your post so that it will be easy to read and comprehend.

Having painstakingly read your post i can see that you lack total comprehension of my write up else you wont waste your time writing that epistle that has no bearing with the message.

If you have a sister that is going to 40 with menopause calling would you ask her to continue waiting for a husband? I dont even know how you guys reason but then its all good. Nah my opinion i write which can be ignored in its entirety.

Have a pleasant week.

Cubeman:
This is a highly sensitive topic. I agree with all the points highlighted by the writer except one: sperm donation. If you can get a man to impregnate you through sperm donation,why don't you get the same man to impregnate you through normal process? To me,it seeme like an unnecessary denial of pleasure associated with child-making. Well, different stroke for different folks.
I will replace sperm donation with one postulated by a lady:
If you really need a man and you are not getting one, don't be scared to destroy another lady's relationship, especially one who doesn't value the man in the life

Ashawo man.

Solofresh2:
This sperm donor of a thing is rubbish
Who is the owner of these sperms in the first place
Those kids will ask of their father when they grow up and what will be her explanation?
By the way, that sperm donor might meet any of those kids in the future and decide to marry her unknowing if it's a girl child.
Please let us stop justifying what is not right

As I wrote, a Known donor is better

dfrost:
Toks, so after all these write-up, you still want to make heaven according to your signature abi? Kontinu

My heaven dey as sure as day and night.

It is the pastors who are not sincere with people you should be worried about.

All I wrote are perfectly sinless.

eagleonearth:
Written English in Nigeria today gives me teary eyes even from so called bloggers. I'm really concerned.@the bolded, you don't know who's reading so don't ignore next time

No worries I go employ you to dey proofread for me.

I can't come and kill myself. Thanks

perambulator:
I have read your posts over the years and generally speaking you’ve made sense. However your comments on this thread I repeat are irresponsible and you have the audacity to double down. I initially opened the thread only because I say your handle but I have now lost all regard for you How dare you say a man is not a real man because he will not date or marry a single mother? Is it our job to pick up strays? We all have a right to our choices and standards. I repeat it is irresponsible to encourage women to make poor choices in life by telling them any man who rejects them for their bad choices is not a real man. You are leading women astray. A man who is worth his salt will not see a single woman with no kids and pick a single mother. So it is precisely the opposite. It is a weak man that will pick a single mother because he cannot get a single woman without kids. I repeat the problem with single mothers is not just the baggage that comes with being a single mother but it is also usually (emphasis on usually) a woman who has a poor mindset, makes bad choices, comes from a broken home that ends up a single mother. It is very often a woman with a certain kind of mindset that becomes a single mother in the 1st place. The kind of mindset you don’t want in a wife in the 1st place. Focus your advice to women on how not to get to 40 and single in the 1st place. Save the ones that can be saved instead of deceiving women for whom there is little hope. Less than 1% of women over 40 will EVER find a man to marry and it is also largely because instead of you to encourage these women to be introspective and reassess their missteps you blame men!!!!

Everyone is wholly responsible for the outcome of their life, bad choices lead to bad consequences. No man is responsible for the choices a woman made before he met her.

The mistake people make and which you are making is they equate marriage with matters of the heart. Marriage is about compatibility not romantic love. If you are compatible love will come and the real kind not the romantic kind . Ofcourse it is best when romantic love and compatibility exist from the onset but compatibility is the most important requirement, love (the romantic type which usually the one people confuse for love) fades especially when it has blinded one to incompatible choice of a life partner.

Guy see i no dey write because i want some form of regard from any quarters but i do so because i have a passion for it. Over the years my write ups have been a topic of discussion in many media houses shortly after it gets to the front page which should tell you that i must be writing something a bit reasonable and contrary to what many people think, i dont write because i want to be noticed or make front page cos it is apparent that making front page is no longer new to me as over half of my 300+ topics have graced the front page over the years.

Having said this, i still maintain my notion and it is clear from what you wrote up there that you still have a myopic perspective to life. Having lived over 4 decades on earth, whatever i write at this point should be considered strongly even if i call it an Opinion which of course we all are entitled to no matter how foolish it may sound.

Look at the way you make it seem as though it is the fault of single mothers who find themselves in such a situation. Guy LIFE HAPPENS and when it does, it usually happens to the most careful and decent.

I dont know your age but by now you should know that a lady who keeps a pregnancy is more decent than the one who chooses to abort and a lady who knows all the name of contraceptive must be a bit more sexually active than a rookie who is so naive to the point of getting pregnant.

What about ladies who are victims of irresponsible men who let them down?, Ladies who were actually looking forward to getting married but got disappointed by randy men...the list goes on and on.

So when i wrote that no REAL MAN will reject a lady he truly desires because she is a single mum i stand by it and if you do not understand the contextual application then you have the right to make your conclusions.

being a single mum does not always mean the ladies are what you described up there and the fact that you even had those thoughts you poured out there is indicative that you still have a lot to understand .

eagleonearth:
"advice" not "advise"
Former is a noun while later is a verb

Thanks

I kuku see am Tey Tey but I chose to ignore.

Sometimes it is not worth taking this English thing too seriously. After all it is a borrowed language that is only a means of expression and not a measure of intelligence.

LutanFyah:
Nigga STFU with your "real men" bvllshit.

A man decides not to marry a used up woman with children and here you are foaming from every orifices in your body to insult such man.


If she is good enough, why didn't the man that impregnated her,marry her? If the man deceived her into getting pregnant, it obviously means she can't make good decisions to save her life.

The youngman you quoted calmly admonished you to stop with the stupidity but you're still here with your folly.


NOBODY REJECTS A BRAND NEW WOMB TO GO MINGLE WITH A USED ONE COS HE TRYING TO BE A " real man".

Stop posting rubbish.

[img]https://c./cDDJINidN60AAAAC/slap-funny.gif[/img]

Mikester:
Wrong. Terming men irresponsible or immature for having standards is wrong. Turning down single moms doesn't make a man irresponsible. There is a huge difference between responsibility and burden. A man who turns down a single mom does so to not place a burden that isn't his upon him. Does that make him irresponsible or a child?

Women ruthlessly place high standards on men who intend to marry them but weak-minded men misguided by information such as yours lower their standards for damaged women, commit to them and eventually regret.

Don't tell or teach men who to commit to, as adults they are in charge of their own decisions. You are right in some areas but get your mentality straight and stop guilt-tripping others for making their own choices.

You as well as all those who gave you a like for this silly comment are immature and the type of guys I was referring to


No Real man will call a woman damaged cos they are single mums...

I feel so irritated reading your comment but then it is your opinion.

Munzy14:
Sometimes we think deeper, before we talk.

You didn't factor in differences in upbringing, cultural,religious views And side stepping of burdens when you said that.

Marriage is a different case from normal bf-gf knacking.

Who will gladly pick a naija used car over a direct tokunbo?

It is a choice of going with lesser burden.

That is what you will see in a single mom vs cool headed babe.

But then, character is the spice.

Now you can see that I was right when I wrote that no REAL MAN will look down or reject...

Look at how you just described ladies who refused to abort... Do you know the average number of abortions many ladies have done before saying I do?

I know a beautiful akwa Ibom lady who has only had sex with one man in her life yet she is a single mum and I also know a lady who told me in confidence that she has had not less than 4 abortions from various past relationships... So can you see why I write that REAL MEN will never reject a lady cos she is a single mum?

Many guys are quoting me out of context but I WROTE WHAT I WROTE... NO REAL MAN WILL REJECT A LADY COS SHE IS A SINGLE MUM.

This does not mean it is wrong for a man to have a preference and that a man who chooses not to be with a single mum is not a real man but as long as a man rejects a lady who he would ordinarily be with based on the fact that she is a single mum, the guy is not mature in matters of the heart.

My opinion and I stand by it.

nuelldido:
Well, I'll say all your advice are sensual and human knowledge.
My dear sisters God has never failed anyone who serve and call him with perfect heart.

Any solution you have outside God will cause you problem in the future. The suggestions above to me is not the way.
Find your way to Christ, He will help you and settle you maritally.

Tell me one solution I wrote that is outside GOD... Just one.

Oyinlomobambam:
@toks2008 nice write-up

Please permit me to share it on my page

You are free. Just reference the source before you get sued lol!

Pussywar:
Only men who objectify women shame them for having multiple sexual partners. It also stems from a place of insecurity, where they believe it’s harder to please a girl who has had multiple sexual partners. Whatever makes sense to them I guess.

I will be sincere with you, body count is not the issue but the issue is with the ladies dissociating themselves with these body counts..

Ladies tend to compare even without them wanting to and this is where the issue lies and same goes with men too.

The moment the current guy or a lady does not perform as good as a particular ex, the lady can never ever be sexually happy so believe it or not.. BODY COUNT MATTERS.

perambulator:
Exactly why it is bad advice. The child will spend a life time wondering. It is psychologically damaging to a child not knowing your roots.

Read the write up again and you will notice I only talked about a known donor.

There are friends who will gladly donate

Shokoloko:
You have spoken well
This is Nike Osinowo (at 47 years) with beautiful kids from sperm donation. Case closed, all pressure off her shoulders.

Wow

perambulator:
For me this is bad advice. Yes you will satisfy your yearning for a child but understand the lifelong consequences for the child without a father, without a sense of where he/she came from can be very damaging. that child will always feel inadequate no matter what you do. it is bad enough for children from broken homes, talk less children of a sperm donor. I think this is the most selfish thing a woman can do.

You are talking about unknown sperm. Donor

Iyaebe:
Chinese passport? lol there's enough money as long as quality services is guaranteed kikikiki

Are you really a male?

Lollittaa:
Toks2008 talks anyhow. Why is he breaking their personal convo to nairaland? Let the dead rest in peace.

Try get small sense sis. There was no specific name mentioned so what is the issue? How is it my problem if people insinuate whatever they like?

Do you know now many Nairalanders pass away without people knowing?

You would have made sense if a name was mentioned so please let's be guided.

Let this matter rest biko.

AfroKnight:
And those who decide they do not want to marry single mothers are not REAL MEN?

It’s about personal principles. And wouldn’t you agree with me that a real man should stick to his principles? Good thing the yardstick for masculinity doesn’t lie in your opinion.

Exactly.

Vickyvice:
none of my sons go marry single mum, no way

OK sir.

Iyaebe:
lol, let fix a date to get mine

AT 60 it will take a miracle.

AfroKnight:


He say na real man go marry single mother.

See talk. Fake man dey?

But seriously, there is nothing wrong with a man refusing to raise another man’s child. You guys need to stop demonising it.

A woman’s biological clock ticks fast. It is what it is. Not all women who desire to have children in marriage will have that opportunity. For some it will boil down to a choice between being a baby mama or not having kids at all. Some guys just won’t marry you no matter how good you feel you are.

They advise us guys to stop going for beauty and to pick character. Perhaps it’s time for society to find a comparable advice to give young women so they end up with good partners as early as they want.

I undrstand your point but it still does not change the narrative that REAL MEN see no big deal in marrying a single mum. That does not mean men don't have a choice to make.

Iyaebe:
Read his post again, he stated it there that she unfortunately passed on before their agreed time

I don modify that part to avoid erroneous conclusions. So let's focus on something else.

Iyaebe:
How did you know it's not her

You wey dey ask, How do you know its her? Tantafo

jesusjnr2020:
What A Teenager In A Keke Said That Inspired Hope In Me For The Future

It was a girl I came across in a keke a couple of years back, who was on school uniform and on her way back from school, but to my greatest surprise she asked for permission to share the Word of God with me.

It was really surprising for me to see a girl of her age (about sixteen years or less), yet have God on her mind to the extent of wanting to share His Word with others, especially considering the amount of distractions the society poses in this day and age to take away young people's minds from God.

So i immediately obliged letting her know that I was also a child of God to encourage her a bit and make her feel more comfortable to share whatever she had in mind with me.

So she started preaching, and while she did I listened very attentively to what she had to say. As she kept speaking, it came to a point that it became clear to me that she was sent by God, for some of the things she said she couldn't have possibly known without the help of the Holy Spirit, since they had to do with my spiritual life walk with God, and that was the first time we had ever met.

After she was through and had prayed for me, I told her that I believe she was sent to me by the Holy Spirit because there were things she was saying about me that she wouldn't have known except He had let her know. And she said yes, that she wanted to refuse but...

So she actually knew she was sent by the Holy Spirit, which was also surprising to me, because I thought that she was sent without knowing it, but she let me know that it was actually the Spirit of God that was leading her to show that she already had a walk with Him.

I understand that it wasn't easy for her, hence her initial reluctance, but she showed she was willing to do what the Spirit had led her to do, by still going ahead regardless, hence the Spirit of God gave her the courage she needed to talk to a stranger, she was meeting for the first time, who was by far her senior in a public place.

I thanked her for yielding herself to the instruction of the Spirit, because it was timely and also encouraging to yet receive another endorsement from God via someone I had never met before.

But what was encouraged me the most was to see someone so young yet walking with God to the extent of being led of His Spirit, in a society where most teenagers were being led of the flesh and the things of the world. It inspired hope in me for the future.

I prayed that God kept her yielded to His Spirit, and also hoped that her example inspires other teenagers and show them that it's still possible to be a teenager in this day and age, and still be led by the Spirit and not the things of the flesh.

God bless.

Cool

jesusjnr2020:
What A Teenager In A Keke Said That Inspired Hope In Me For The Future

It was a girl I came across in a keke a couple of years back, who was on school uniform and on her way back from school, but to my greatest surprise she asked for permission to share the Word of God with me.

It was really surprising for me to see a girl of her age (about sixteen years or less), yet have God on her mind to the extent of wanting to share His Word with others, especially considering the amount of distractions the society poses in this day and age to take away young people's minds from God.

So i immediately obliged letting her know that I was also a child of God to encourage her a bit and make her feel more comfortable to share whatever she had in mind with me.

So she started preaching, and while she did I listened very attentively to what she had to say. As she kept speaking, it came to a point that it became clear to me that she was sent by God, for some of the things she said she couldn't have possibly known without the help of the Holy Spirit, since they had to do with my spiritual life walk with God, and that was the first time we had ever met.

After she was through and had prayed for me, I told her that I believe she was sent to me by the Holy Spirit because there were things she was saying about me that she wouldn't have known except He had let her know. And she said yes, that she wanted to refuse but...

So she actually knew she was sent by the Holy Spirit, which was also surprising to me, because I thought that she was sent without knowing it, but she let me know that it was actually the Spirit of God that was leading her to show that she already had a walk with Him.

I understand that it wasn't easy for her, hence her initial reluctance, but she showed she was willing to do what the Spirit had led her to do, by still going ahead regardless, hence the Spirit of God gave her the courage she needed to talk to a stranger, she was meeting for the first time, who was by far her senior in a public place.

I thanked her for yielding herself to the instruction of the Spirit, because it was timely and also encouraging to yet receive another endorsement from God via someone I had never met before.

But what was encouraged me the most was to see someone so young yet walking with God to the extent of being led of His Spirit, in a society where most teenagers were being led of the flesh and the things of the world. It inspired hope in me for the future.

I prayed that God kept her yielded to His Spirit, and also hoped that her example inspires other teenagers and show them that it's still possible to be a teenager in this day and age, and still be led by the Spirit and not the things of the flesh.

God bless.

So what exactly did she tell that inspired you?

Lollittaa:
it means "rest". Toks2008 rest and stop disturbing our eyes.

Oh really!

Nah you dey open my threads nah... Next time just ignore am.. Me I just dey catch cruise cos I enjoy creative freelance writing.

It is what I do to unwind.

Wey lalasticlala sef. This thread go sweet for late night on Fpage.

Happy Sunday bro.

Lollittaa:
why must I tell you what it means?

Just curious. Even Google dey confuse me the more when I tried checking

otherway:
Nah wah o. Person give simple opinion, una don dey abuse am. Why are many naija ladies so manner less both on and offline.

Tufiakwa

She is obviously depressed. May God HEAL HER.

AbujaCitiBlog:
Most ladies in this age bracket in Nigeria are coded lesbians who struggle to form emotional attachment to men!

Hmmmm