₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]Scratch that, I hope you[b] love[/b] it!! [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I normally ignore these type of topics. 'What is love' 'How do you tell if someone is in love' 'Does he love me' blah blah, but for some reason I feel like I want to give this a shot.

My definition of love:

You couldn't care less about that four letter word,
Or what it means for us,
You couldn't care less about what your friends are up to,
Because what we share is fabulous!

You already feel apart of me,
As much as I do you,
And you've already imagined what it would seem,
To say on that special day, the I dos.

You've already imagined my eyes,
On the face of our little daughter or son,
You already imagined my wrinkled hand in yours,
On our 30th wedding anniversary, and no longer feeling alone.

So deep in this that you forget about love,
The four letter word the world frets about,
That you've married me, adopted me and cherish all the above,
And love is now an understatement, to this emotion that makes you want to scream and shout.

Copyright tj LOL!!!

Hope you like, I wrote it at the top of my head![/color]

[color=#cc0066]It's not just naija babes, everybody is materialistic these days and the same can be said for naija boys.

As for materialistic people, they usually are taught a lesson. A marriage based on such may have its problems or lack the spark a marriage built on love has.

You can usually see signs if a person is materialistic if you simply observe. What probably happens is most guys and girls go into relationships hoping the person they're dating has a heart of gold. I will say this time and time again, always be friends first, observe from a neutral point of view, so you really do take in the bad and good points. A materialistic person will probably make fun of those lacking, will probably flaunt their designer labels and also will regularly talk or ask about their money or yours.

There are signs![/color]

bigboyslim:
Instead of trying to destroy someone why not channel that energy into something more productive like making yourself a better person and eventually if you were really worth it, the betrayer would realize the value of what he lost.

Please, lets use our heads and refuse to give in to emotions.

[color=#cc0066]Agreed![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Sorry, but I was with you until you said you were bringing him down one by one. Why can't you just leave the man alone, he would have learnt his lesson from the absence of your positive influence anyways. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. I know if I loved someone and they hurt me, I would want nothing to do with them afterwards, and if they came back to me begging, that would be my reward, the fact that they have to eat their own words. I think what you're doing is extremely childish and now you're both as bad as each other, because you obviously couldn't care less about him. Why are you with him then, just to bring trouble to his life - because you think he deserves it? You don't realise that you're just wasting your time, the best revenge you can ever give anybody who's hurt you is to let them go and move on, find something better, when they're still running around chasing multiple girls, you'll be with someone who truly loves you and appreciates you. Instead of looking for this, you are wasting valuable time with someone you don't love or truly care for, the worst part is you think you're in control, he still has a hold on you to the point you're with him and spending all this effort trying to get your own back.

Anyways, who are we to dish out punishment to others, we are not perfect either, the only 'person' who I think can do this is God, and believe me he'll deliver on a grander scale than you can imagine!!

Well, I've said my bit anyways, like it or lump it.  [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Trust and continuous effort. I would hate for someone who loved me to get too comfortable to the point where they put no more effort into the relationship. People forget that relationships don't develop themselves, they need constant attention and effort in order to develop.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I think her eyes are beautiful AND her eyebrows and face compliment them.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Wow, stunning, I'm really appreciating the architecture. But, what does it look like today?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]You're nineteen, it's not a big deal to be shy, I think you need to focus more on self confidence, men tend to get their confidence from the accomplishments they have in their lives, financial, educational etc, It's because you're young, you have nothing to back you up.

My advice is just to understand that the other person could be just as nervous as you are talking to you, you never know.

If this problem is really getting in the way (maybe speaking to the girl you like) then just try and focus on other things. Not putting so much emphasis on talking to girls is better, it'll relax you.

Finally, don't compare yourself to other guys, we don't know what they're thinking inside or whether they truly are as confident as they appear.

Believe that you deserve to be listened to, and people will listen.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Lovely post! You are very passionate about this aren't you? I don't care if people think this post will not change anything, people will read it, and maybe just maybe one person will think twice before carrying out any of the selfish actions mentioned in the post.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Ok, a huge bad sign is you being scared to end up with her. That doesn't sound to optimistic. I would advise you not to marry her until all these issues have been solved.

Now, I understand you have stayed with her through a lot of things, but it seems you have more pity than love for her. I bet you can guess where I'm going to go with this, right?

I believe you shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel bad, stresses you out, and is constantly hurling insults at you. It just isn't right and it WILL continue. She has seen no reason to change in the 16 months you've been together I highly doubt that she will change any further down the line since you're not going to change (right?).

All I can say is most people don't change because of people, the few that do, usually change at the start of relationships, they leave their habits behind and make a conscious effort to work on their problems, sorry to sound a little mean, but you haven't given her any reason to change her ways by tolerating all this nonsense. She also sounds like she has taken you for granted. This doesn't sound to me to be a healthy relationship either, it is obviously causing you a lot of stress, if anything maybe you two should take a break.

I believe you should warn her though, tell her how you feel, even if she keeps on shouting, tell her that you've waited long enough and give the reasons which you feel are contributing to the way you are feeling in the relationship. I am not trying to break up your relationship, but sometimes the other person won't take you seriously unless your words become actions, and you leave them. Maybe then she will realise her behaviour and learn some lessons.

Love isn't always enough, because ultimately everyone deserves a good life and if this one-sided love is causing you pain, then unless a painful future is the one you've always dreamed of, I would seriously consider other options to this woman.

Never cheat, make sure everything is dealt with, ended and managed maturely.

All the best and God Bless.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Think about everything you two have been together. Think about how much she must trust you to have told you this. Think about whether there are other people you can see yourself having a long term relationship (possibly leading to marriage) with.

Now decide whether you want to leave her despite all these things.

Though, I believe that if you worked on trying to find the reason why this bothers you then you would probably be able to look past it, unless it really bgs you, but I personally think that such things do not reflect on the character of a person. You might find someone with a clean slate but who has a terrible personality.

If nothing helps, think of it as a compliment, that you were the best of all those guys, the one that made her stay and work at a relationship.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I appreciate you!


But you can't force ANYTHING, be who you are, if you are a jerk, then they will not appreciate you. If you appear to be collected, well put together, rational, can manage your temper and sincere, we will notice you.

Did you mean women to 'find you attractive or appealing' or do you just want a presence amongst a crowd of women?? [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Oh, they listen, they catch the things you don't want them to

Seriously, they often do listen, but they rarely store jibber jabber in their memories, but when it comes to your birthday, that coat you talked about is wrapped up, or that necklace you couldn't afford is boxed for you.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Don't blame PMS, she's just plain old moody. But some people ARE moody, and that is normal, [/color]

[quote author=frank 3.16 link=topic=127395.msg2168394#msg2168394 date=1208537263]the bad news is that while we can easily see beauty at first sight, character is experienced with time.

I believe we as humans are left with no choice but to go for beauty first. that is why there is so much dissapointments and heart break in this world.

Now, for all ye folks who say they would go for character, can you tell me how you choose your patner? i will really like to know because i and my friends always go for beauty hoping that the character will also be beautiful, but end up dissappointed.[/quote][color=#cc0066]Always try and be friends first is my advice, then their guards are off than if you already show interest in them or are dating them. This has a higher success rate, though some people are just generally fakes until you start dating them.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Well, I think instead of feeling that I have to go for one of these ladies. I would take a step back and try to make friends with both, from this angle I can observe their habits and the way they deal with different situations. I would find myself gradually learning to love the one with the better morals, more self-respect, the more loving and kind person. This is how I go about my love-life [/color]

whitelexi:
Nope, poster can be serious!
Its about throwing everything into the thin air and risking an embarrassing moment when u try talking to a girl who looks everything u want in a woman [from the outside] only for her to diss u and make a public display that leaves u looking silly
This even happens to guys who are very goodlooking. . . I've had girls toasting me on many occasions, but thats not important, to have a girl openly turn me down will do more damage [than can be seen by the naked eye] to my overall confidence. It can ruin my day, especially when i'D gone about it in the most civil and socially acceptable way.

[color=#cc0066]The OP stated that this person is not what you'D call attractive.[/color]

SAM MILLA:
He/She is not exactly your definition of handsome or beauty.
But he/She could be exactly what you want in a person.

Would you sacrifice your pride to find out more about him/her ?

[color=#cc0066]Pride? I don't believe you have to sacrifice your pride to talk to someone who you feel is less attractive than yourself.

I'm confused, do you mean, do I have to become more humble, or less stuck up about my own looks? If that's the case, I've been there done that, and the funniest thing is that, my friends and people who know both of us were witnesses to the whole thing, shocked with horror; 'You were too good for him anyway'- at least by approaching someone for love, if it doesn't work out, you can always use that cheap satisfaction to get over them slightly quicker. [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Well, without sounding really judgmental, you sound quite immature. I used to be like that, but the truth is you just don't like any of these guys that much, is your net a large one, or do you actually have criteria for these guys, once you start sorting out what you like in guys, then the chances that you'll like these guys increases. When I was younger, I used to find it hard to feel romantic or love the person who was interested in me, but I made a decision to try out a relationship, and it was fun (whilst it lasted), it was decision I made not to run away, to bare my feelings, to give it my all. Yada yada ya! It worked, and now I can imagine falling in love with someone all over again (Yeah I know it wasn't really love to begin with  !)


Btw @ Poster --- nice hips!! [/color]

forbidden5:
j-girl,

Do you truly understand English?

You are only explaning why the topic is true by saying she begins to feel a sense of committment after being hit. That exactly is the statement of truth the poster is driving at.

Now women say men are players, it is only women that make men bad.

The question is, Why are men players? Flash memory women in their mischief teach men never to value women especially when it happens repeatedly.

J-girl, would you truly love a guy that has not slept with you more that the one that has done it?

I used to have that belief and as a result did the same. However, I did not know how wrong I was until I learnt it the hard way.

Please say only the truth.

[color=#cc0066]Though you may feel that you are making a lot of valid points, a lot of your points are tinged with some hurt feelings. I don't understand how you can generalize. It seems a woman showed you the bad side of women in your past, and since then you have used her as the rule, the yard stick to measure all women to. Well, I for one am not like any of the scenarios or cases you have described. Not at all. I believe sometimes it is worth giving people the benefit of the doubt, taking your own back on innocent people isn't fair either, treating them the way the woman who hurt you probably deserved to be treated isn't fair. Anyways, without getting too personal, in reference to the OP, all I can say is that, you have a point, but i disagree that it is respect in which you are getting. It is known that women have a harder time disassociating emotion from sexual intercourse, and after it they can become more loving and caring to the partner. If anyone tries to shout me down, and say that I am in fact agreeing, please read this again, it is not respect, it is emotion they are different. You can respect your boss at work, but not be emotionally attached to him. Both have similar results, with respect, you feel you must do certain things because you respect the authority of the person you're doing it for, with love, you will do many things, not because of authority or anything, but because of the most genuine of emotions you have within you compelling you to go that extra mile and make extra efforts for the one you love.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]My inner voice;[size=20pt]YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS!![/size][/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hmmm, it seems more like they are humbled by it, not exactly what I'd call respect, because you don't have to be subservant to respect somebody. I believe many women put up a defensive front, and when they are ready to love you truly, is when they sleep with you. Once they do, they are in that vulnerable stage, because they have made up their mind to love you. Now it is a shame if you see nothing special in this, because I am sure all these women you claim to have 'hit' wanted you to be there for them and to protect them. (Sometimes I don't know why I talk like this, I don't even agree with sex before marriage, but it's not about me, it's about you!)

Anyways, I know that when I sleep with someone (my husband) I would have alreayd respected him anyways, respect him enough to want to consumate the act in the first place. I would not sleep with someone I don't respect, what is that then, pity sex

I'm confused by this question, possibly because I don't believe it is respect you gain, but maybe the woman being more emotionally attached cares for you more, so you are treated with 'more care' and 'love'.[/color]

hollandis:
i love your posts sis  ,love is very much mutual
Individuals in love are not only mutual,but reciprocating and reinforcing

Until I find a girl I love and who loves me in return, then and only then will I know whether true love exists or not

[color=#cc0066]Thank you! [/color]

iz2much:
Take my advice, Big Boyz dnt fall in love.

[color=#cc0066]And then at your wedding your best man will be giving a testimony, saying 'Man he used to be so synical about love, but when he met X, he completely changed, he just became so smitten. He'd cancel plans with the boys, spend all his time and money on her, because he had finally found his love.'

Hehe I predict, I predict![/color]