₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]http://twobeautifulminds..com/[/color]

deept:
i guess lots of peole are afraid of the ''unknown'' and the commitment thingy is like a get out of jail free card. I don't think it necessarily has to do with the other person sometimes, it could be as a result of maybe one past experience or the other.

Me, i use it when i don't want to enter, cause when i enter i don commit.

[color=#cc0066]So do you use it to break up with someone? Or just so that you can enjoy the benefits of being in the relationship without having to give yourself to anything.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Time, only time can mend a broken heart. Also, just try to accept the facts, focus less on the emotions, accept that the relationship has ended and that there is someone out there who will complement you. Every break up refines what you're looking for in a person, and the better you know what you're looking for the easier it is to spot it.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I'm sorry to say this but, this is where you have to use your logic over your heart. I'm not sure what your genotype issue is so I can't really say what the gravity of you two staying together will be.

I would advise you get out of this relationship before it gets too deep, sorry to say that, because unless you are willing to cope with the consequences in future, you two should just try and move on, if you both can't then, maybe then you two can make a decision to accept the problem and try to work around it.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]? What's wrong with Blogger?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hahaha! Topup has a blog! Hooray! Thanks Gamine. I have a blog on Livejournal, but I have friends on there, which is why I never post my inner most secrets and thoughts. But now, I've got a new one on blogger! Maybe I'll be like one of those really annoying people who post things such as; 'How to win your ex back' but then only link back to my blog [/color]

bigboyslim:
@ deept

You people should indicate your sex now. abi how do we know what to address you as, sir or madam

[color=#cc0066]You can address me as 'the artiste formally known as Topup' or her Majesty for short


Thanks to everyone, man you guys are an awesome bunch (until you start attacking me that is ). I got love for y'all![/color]

stillwater:
Why am I filled with guilt?

[color=#cc0066]From your reply 'No'. You probably don't suffer from commitment phobia BUT you have probably used it as an excuse at one point to break up with someone you just weren't keen on. Am I right? [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I don't think anybody would read it.[/color]

Gamine:
oh my days

i can't read all that!!

Topup, get a BLOG.

Nairaland really isnt the place

[color=#cc0066]Lol, there's no pressure to read it, I thought it was pretty helpful.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]LOL mesmya, you don't have to read it all, if it intrigues you, read it, if you get bored stop, there's no pressure.

I think it is really silly if you are warned from the onset that the person has commitment problems. Unless he makes it obvious he wants to work on this, by urging you to stay. Otherwise, I believe you should pack your things and get walking before you get too deep.

Yes, I also agree, it seems as if they're just covering up the fact that they think you're not good enough to commit to, because sure enough, another woman or man will waltz in and swoop them away.

Man, that hurts SO much! You should never wait for anybody unless they are clear about what will happen as a result and they are willing to also sacrifice some things for you.

I believe if anybody wants to really make you wait, they should not have you as their backup i.e he/she should not be acting as if he's single again. They should make it clear that they are with you BUT try working on their problem at the same time, they should be very vocal throughout the relationship so you can help them. Maybe they should even take counselling.

Zheroes , you'll have to convince me, which list? Messenger?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Everybody deserves to be loved, it's unfortunate that you picked a 'bad' one. Now move along and find that woman who'll treat you like a king.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]As for idupaul & superstan, shame on you for making fun of virgins![/color]

[color=#cc0066]What an effort!!

I don't believe we should give any credit to homewreckers. Seriously, who called anybody to do the job of the wife?!??!

I think mistresses often lack self-esteem, to walk away from a man who cannot commit to her, or they do not actually want commitment, they just want what they can get from you. They are high class prostitutes, sleep with a man in return for money and other things.

Sorry to burst your bubble. I tried not to reply to this, but I just can't help it.[/color]

Hannibal:
All these tips to dump a chic??

Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaze. . . . . . . .Why make a long speech when 2/3 words WILL do.
2 words. . . . .Get out, Bleep off, Buzz Off,
3 words. . . . . Go to Hell, Take a Hike, Leave me alone.

[color=#cc0066]Yeah, and when you come across that psycho woman who wants to take revenge on you, I'll be here to say I told you so!

What goes around comes around![/color]

[color=#cc0066]I see where you're going with this. It isn't just Nigerian girls, it's the world. If you can help sort out the world, I'd be up for that. Beep me when you're done.

Toodles!! *~


Anyways, yeah, the whole world is become more and more immoral, isn't that why there was a 14 year old girl in the over 21s only Akon concert with what looked like a swimsuit covering her breasts and dancing sexually with the singer?

Isn't that why you can find g-strings and thongs even in the teen section, isn't that why ,

Also, men are also becoming more immoral too, we all are.
MAN! Where do we start!?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yeah, I agree, when it's said over and over again, it begins to lose impact, I think he was just in a lovey-dovey mood, he kissed her all over her face (they were sat infront of me - whilst I was trying to keep the vile expression off my face. ) I think it makes most impact when it's least expect, like during an argument or during a dry period in the relationship. But, knowing me, I just want somebody to feel that way, not too fussy about how it's said, but yes saying it whilst drunk doesn't seem too genuine.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Because their livlihood depends on how many sales they make that day![/color]

[color=#cc0066]I personally don't have a problem with saying it to the person I love, but I know first I will have to be certain that they are reciprocating, it's harder to say you love someone if you get the vibes that they don't feel the same way.

From experience, the only experience I have had, the guy showed that he truly loved me, but then came a time when he seemed to stop showing it, before he started to distance himself, he became very intense, I felt so comfortable and ready to tell him what I truly felt for him, but like I said soon after he distanced himself.

I'm not sure if I know what true love looks like in the face because I thought I was looking at it.

One thing I knew about him was that he only managed to say the words 'I love you' when he was drunk and very 'in the mood' if you know what I mean, I didn't count that, but all I'm saying is that it's easier to magnify and multiply your emotions when you're under the influence of alcohol, after all you can always blame it on the alcohol Or pretend that you don't remember (which is exactly what he did).

Life is too short and relationships are even shorter, we can't live in fear all the time, sometimes you just have to give it your all, but rest asure knowing that you tired your best, if you hold back you don't know what you could have achieved if you didn't do so.

I can't wait to find someone who I can say those words to over and over again.

LOL, not long after the breakup I was on aone hour journey sat behind a cute couple, which the guy kept whispering I love you, over and over again to his 'girlfriend' I was so bitter back then, but it just shows some people find it easier to say it than others, once its's off your tongue it keeps rollling off .[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I don't think you'll like the sound of any advice you will read here.

From my point of view, it seems to me that you do not truly love your fiance, and she has every right to know, especially if you know that this will affect your relationship in future, because what you have to lose now, is far less than what you will have to lose if you marry her and go on to have children.

Everybody learns some way or the consequences of being selfish or short sighted.

I don't know what advice you want to hear but I don't feel it's in my place to judge or condemn you. You already know the gravity of what you did, now which path you choose is up to you. I think it is a little fickle to believe that this can be corrected, as such. I think the easiest thing is to try and treat her the way you would want to be treated, and if you found out she cheated on you with a brother or best friend how would you feel, what would you want out of it.

If you feel your love is worth fighting for please fight for it, but ultimately only you know your fiance.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]WOW! I just lost a lot of respect for the OP through this ridiculous post!

The reason why Nigerian women would fear losing their Nigerian men to African American women is because the competition isn't in their favour, there are more African American women in AMERICA than there is Nigerian women. Duh!

Also, I will thank God for my husband, but not because he could have left me for someone else.

I tell you, nobody is doing anybody a favour, WE ARE ALL SELFISH! They will get what they want, and what I've heard from my Nigerian guy friends is that they can relate more to the attitudes of a Nigerian woman, because well, because they themselves are Nigerian, so despite all the bitching about how the women are this and that compared to other women, they still love us because we get them.

This isn't just Nigerian men, this is men all over the world, there is always a greater percentage of men marrying 'their own' than others, it just reduces conflict in the family that you are supposedly trying to build.

So Orikinla, are you now thinking that you did the woman who you were praising in your other post as being the love of your life, a favour by being with her?? It sounds like she was a pretty amazing woman (by your elaborate descriptions).

Mentalities like this annoy me because BELIEVE me, if you don't want us, we can go elsewhere too, there are so many people looking for that bootilicious black woman, and to be honest, I feel unfair when I have rejected a few men because I favoured my Nigerian men. But, I am not doing you guys a favour! I am doing ME a favour, there are so many less complications if I marry someone who has a similar background to me. If you fall in love with a Nigerian woman, FINE if yo don't FINE.

I hate being made to feel like a helpless doll who needs MR.Naija to come to her rescue.

As for all you other Nigerian men out there (the ones who don't think they are doing me a favour), I appreciate you all

-AHA! I just read some more of the OP and aparently the reason why Nigerian women shout the 'loudest' Hallelujah is because they, even to their own surprise have managed to 'trap' a Nigerian man.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]LOL at Bigboyslim.

The perfect way to dump a woman, (get ready to take notes):

- Do it in a place she won't get humiliated.
- Don't lie about how great she is, in the phases after hatred, that come after the break up she will come to her senses and realise [/color]***you're a good for nothing liar aswell***[color=#cc0066].
- Be completely serious.
- Don't give her hope (maybe in future if we're both still single).
- Don't pick out her faults unless she is absolutely NASTY and you tried everything to help her become better in the relationship.
- Don't ask to become friends if you know you're only saying it so she won't hate you, when you're not replying her messages, she'll know that [/color]***[color=#cc0066]
- Give her a chance to explain, cry, get mad at you, or say anything she wants to say (unless she has given you a reasong to fear for your life) and then afterwards remain stern and end the conversation, formally ("Take care" - though it'll sound annoying to her). When she calms down, she will realise you handled the whole thing like a gentleman and the only thing that she can be bitter about is the fact that you left her. She won't have as much material when she's dissing you with her friends .[/color]

bigboyslim:
@ topup

Must you always be so reasonable? You have a very valid point. while i believe that sex is vital in a relationship (at least at the onset) the other elements you listed are also vital too. There's nothing as good as leading a balanced life but as humans we are imperfect and we always tend to have a bias for certain elements over the other. I guess striving to achieve that balance should be the goal of both partners in any relationship.

[color=#cc0066]Exactly!

That magical word 'balance', it's very difficult to achieve and maintain but we should all seek that. It is so much more easier to find a good sexual partner than a god partner for life. Maybe people have given up complete hope on finding true love and companionship these days. I don't blame them, but if there is a 'best' out there i.e. great partner (with many great qualities , including sex) then aim for it. Don't settle for any less, I'd say.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]AMAZING! HAHA![/color]

bigboyslim:
Oh really? and its not. right?

[color=#cc0066]I can't comment if it's right or not. But, seriously, we worry SO much about it, and it's causing so much unecessary stress, we are lucky today, we got Viagra, Jedi Jedi, Chinese, this n that and doctors, helplines and meds to deal with a large number of 'performance problems'.

Truly and honestly, I would never put so much emphasis on sex or give it too much credit, because I believe if more effort is put into building a loving relationship, the relationship will thrive, but I mean apart from the sex, you have to talk, work, love, share finances, maybe have kids and communicate with each other (amongst other things), so if the sex is great, does that mean all these things come in line.

I don't think it should be:

Love
Sex Vs Finane, Extended family,
Children, Interests in Common,
Dreams and Goals, Chemistry/Attraction[/color

I think it should be sex in the list on the right as an equally weighted reason for a relationship. Sex is given too much weight these days as if a relationship/marriage/future/ REST OF YOUR LIFE can be based on sex you are currently/will have with a partner.

It's almost as if great sex to some people means everything else will fall in place too.
Whilst you can have the things on the list on the right, but if the sex isn't AMAZING of OLYMPIC quality, you disregard all the qualities and leave the person

-** As always, I cannot speak for everybody because there will be some people who are able to have amazing sex, then argue and disagree and not get along, but the sex alone is virtually the only reason holding them together.

I might get attacked, but I think that's selling yourself short, everybody deserves some love, and if you are substituting love for sex, it just ain't the same, after a while you'll get bored of the sex, and there will be nothing to fall back on.[/color]

RichyBlacK:
Okay, fornication is a sin, happy now?

So, what's wrong with a sinner looking for a virgin?

[color=#cc0066]Nothing wrong with that. I actually can't pick a fault, but what are you looking for a virgin for? Sexual gratification?

I actually don't get this, because if you are going to marry a virgin, that'll mean, you'll have to wait until your wedding night to have sex right? That means that you'll have to abstain from fornication and if you ask for forgiveness then you no longer become a sinner. Then you can hold your head up high, any other route leaves you short of that. I don't know why you are comfortable with refering to yourself as a sinner when you know the things you can do to get right with God. I am genuinely confused, genuinely [/color]