₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]GUYS: What is the ONE thing your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend does/did that absolutely broke down your guard. For example during an argument, this thing would cause you to want to hold her in your arms and forget the nasty things she said, or would make you smile, or would tug at your heart strings when she says/does this thing?

What ONE thing makes you helpless in her presence?[/color]

Hannibal:
Boys went through all that too.

Sexual Harrassment in Naija is non-existent.

Men get sexually harrassed too by prostitutes.
I stay very close to Allen Avenue and those whores manhandled me when i was a kid.

[color=#cc0066]I agree with the first line, disagree with the second and the final part provoked an emotional response in me. I don't know why I feel apologetic, but sorry about what happened to you, though you're smiling (maybe you enjoyed it).[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I'm not sure, but obviously the two of them felt that what they had was too special to give up on something like that. Everybody goes through a LD relationship once in their lives, you're not always going to be in the same place at the same time, even if your girlfriend/boyfriend is only 5 minutes away, sometimes work and other things, mean you don't see each other as often as you'd like.

I think the two of them thought they were mature enough to handle one, but I believe, a LD relationship should be kept as short as possible. Though I would advise against them, I think it is a bad sign if you would rather end something amazing from fear of the future.

In most cases, the relationship wasn't amazing anyways, hence why ending it sounds like such a reasonable idea. [/color]

agaba123:
Yea, I guess it will come in handy and you sure need that fun from a man girl. eem you cannot spend all the holiday without snake game. At least your skin needs some refreshment

[color=#cc0066] Ah! I spend as long as I wish without 'snake game'. I'm good thank you [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Health because I already have God's love [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I don't know why there are no replies. This was helpul So far, I have done neither , though maybe trying to be friendly might have been interpretted as me 'begging'.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]If we're going to be giving out condoms at church, we might as well give them out at the supermarket, the gym, the high schools etc. . .

There is too much emphasis on sex in Christianity these days, and it seems you can equate abstinence with a 'good' Christian, which is not the case, it says in the Bible that every sin has equal weight, whether you tell a lie or murder someone or have sex before marriage. I understand why so much emphasis is placed on abstinence because the majority of the world including Christians just do not follow it, and it is one of the easiest sins to control. You really cannot 'accidentally' have sex, you must make a decision to ignore the voice in the back of your head (assuming you have it) and then go and carry out the ded (which takes effort)!

It is the responsiblity of 'the church' to ensure that everybody goes to Heaven, I have used the term 'the church' to mean Christians or followers of Jesus Christ, your Christian friends are responsible if you don't go to Heaven and they made no attempt, so is your family (if Christian) etc,

It is all our responsibility. I believe, we could try to prevent death by HIV/AIDS or we could actually try and educate people in the way of Christ, and work at the root, it is a harder job but it has greater rewards as, we can't assume everyone who abstains from sex from any reason or anyone who does not have HIV/AIDS is going to heaven.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]See a dentist and instead of the commercial mouth washes, use Hydrogen Peroxide solution (dilute to minimise harm to your own cells).[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Great response there. I believe I have most of the qualities but I don't think I am naturally brilliant in my chosen course :S, but I'll hack it out anyway and get my well deserved 2-1! [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Give her an ultimatum, because you deserve better than being second best. In fact if she's with you but still thinks about her ex, it means she is finding it hard commiting to you. I think you are in a dangerous situation. If you just sit back and wait it out, she might eventually say she wants to leave for her ex, this is going to break your heart. Take control whilst you can now, tell her your position and if she doesn't choose you, I advise you leave and find someone who will focus on you 100%.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I have a male friend who I counsel and give relationship advice. He told me to ask some of my friends for advice about what to do about his situation. Who better to ask than Nairaland peeps.

Here goes nothing:

He's been seeing his girlfriend in a long distance relationship for a year a few months.
His dilema is he's starting to feel bored.
His symptoms include; not wanting to participate equally in phone conversations. Feeling like it's a chore to text and call her. But here's the strange thing; he misses her when he's got off the phone, and he genuinely knows no one will love him as much as she does, he says he loves her and he says that she is an amazing person. But, he just is a stage where he is confused, nothing's moving, he doesn't feel that much passion in his relationship to her.

Now, I don't know about you, but I am completely confused.
He is completely commited to her, though I have to be honest, he isn't completely emotionally commited to her. I often tell him that he shouldn't be sharing his deepest darkest fears and innermost thoughts with me, but instead her. That he should also try opening up to her. You see, she often is upset that he doesn't call or make more effort to include her in his life, and he knows that he should and that this is wrong, but he just doesn't feel like doing so. He doesn't do it to hurt her, he just doesn't feel too keen on calling her and everything.

Extra info: He is such a flirt, he has told me he loves me, and I have reprimanded him so many times to stop saying things like that, before you start blaming me, the problem existed before we became close friends. I am trying to maintain my distance and I often tell him to get off the phone from me and call her. He needs to start seeing his girlfriend as his truest confidant. However, it could just be that this relationship just wasn't meant to be.
I know it's going to hurt his girlfriend because I believe she is trying her best to hold the relationship together, she really loves him.

Any advice? Can anyone diagnose his problem? Any tips? [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hehehe, it's going to be as much effort as someone who is naturally vulumptuous trying to become thin.

I believe, you shouldn't just eat lots of rubbish, as this will increase your colesterol and if prolonged could lead to diabetes, also, you may just gain fat, which isn't attractive.

I actually don't have any advice, if you wanted to be a bit more curvaceous, yes I would say have large portions and eat lots of protein and exercise to bulk up your muscles *slightly*(in a feminine way), but you specifically, said that you wanted to be fat.

I'm not a dietian or nutirionalist so I don't know anything about your metabolism and other things so I really am not able to give you advice.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]A lady was in the news a few years ago for finding a live green frog in her bag of salad leaves.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Had about half an hour ago;

One bowl of Kelloggs 'Special K' with semi-skinned milk. [/color]

[color=#cc0066]This is spooky, why was a reply from another topic used to start a new topic?

Thank for the advice nonetheless, it's a little offputting to find out that I came across desperate. I know I don't have to be desperate, even if I wasn't attractive, I should have faith in my other qualities, after all I don't want shallow men.

Proof of me not being desperate is that I haven't been in a rebound relationship, a friend of mine is trying to head us down that route.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]enitan2002, is that so?

I understand that relationships are supposed to be mutual, but there is the other side when people are there for other gains, in fact most aren't balanced, one person usually has more love for the other, I think yes, the best advice is for this guy to analyse the past 3 relationships and then take what he's learnt and use it in the next. It'd be a shame for the next woman to be a loving down to Earth girl for him to be with her just for the 'hit'.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Claps! Heck, I just realised, maybe I do want a boyfriend . I just want to enjoy life right now, whilst I'm young and free. It is the holidays and as soon as I am back on campus, I will be with my girlfriends, we can continue from where we left off .

agaba123 - the dimples make me look younger than I am, oh the cheeks!! Let's hope this ability to look younger than I am comes in handy when I'm older.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]1 - Face/expression/smile
2 - Build/height
3 - General feeling of being safe (comes with the build)
4 - The connection
5 - Good lines, wasn't all that funny to be honest, but he had the best one liners I have ever heard [/color]

zaragoza:
@topup
What a nice! picture u have. You shldnt be sounding like a dejected person desperately looking 4 a guy. Granted, i know many girls are desperate but u shldnt let it show so easily, it brings down your market value i.e if u know what i mean.

[color=#cc0066]Thanks Zaragoza! I think my confidence in my new found esteem has had the opposite effect. I am appearing desperate, when really, it's not that I am desperate, it is more that I am confused and searching.

I have low points and high points, during my high points, I celebrate with friends and men are the last thing on my mind, during the low points I post on Nairaland, and everybody gets the impression that I'm stuck indoors everyday eating myself away.

Cheer up you lot! [/color]

1one:
@top up

i don't mean to sound demeaning but if i am ,i guess i can't help it , drawing from all your previous posts, you come out as someone who is very boyfriend hungry, because every single post you author, no matter how mature, sensitive and very "hitting the nail on the head conforming", they always have that" i'm looking for a boyfriend undertone"
i stand to be corrected but that is just how i feel,

[color=#cc0066]Really? I thought I just have an 'empowered', confident and focused tone. Because, that is how I am feeling, in fact I am just enjoying being single at the moment. I wouldn't reject it if the right guy came along, but I didn't know that that's how I come across. Well, everybody's entitled to their opinion.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yeah, love is scary, but I think it's worse to live in fear than to just give it your all. After all, if you do give it everything you've got you can always say that you tried yor best, unlike the other person who gave up too easily. I am sassuming that you are a wonderful guy here, but to be honest, there are so many different reasons why people are afraid, some people feel that they will never find anyone good enough, so fear the idea of being in a boring relationship for the rest of their lives, others feel that they will never be good enough for the person they're with, so fear the idea of losing the person, something they can't control and they then start drifting away from the person by choice, letting them go, hence taking control of the situation before it heads down the dreaded route. To be honest, I believe many of the people left by these non-commiting people are wonderful wonderful people and all they require is love in return.

I think one thing that may cause true commitment phobes to try and confront this fear, is the obvious discovery of a wonderful person. Someone who is clearly different to anyone you've ever met before. Once you meet this person, you should let them know that you are really interested in them, no one else, but you have a habit of withdrawing at some point in relationships, this is making someone aware and not having a backup excuse. You must have a genuine desire to work on your 'problem'. Once you start becoming scared, your partner should notice the signs and be willing to talk things through and help you out.

If my ex had warned me, I would have done the same, but really I think it was some excuse, especially as the way it was worded was not 'I have commitment problems' it was worded as 'I can't commit to you.' so it was actually ME and not a problem, he just didn't have the guts to say so.[/color]

ogb5:
I know the right person for you

[color=#cc0066]Who who who!?!?! [/color]

madamkoko:
I won't call it desperation. The world is changing: the poison of globalization is at work.

Women are becoming smarter and are complelled to succumb to the obvious notion that men want sex therefore, they feel compelled to give men what they want at any cost.

We live in a world that people don't take marriage serious any longer. Sex and money is on everybody's mind

[color=#cc0066]I agree with this because, as a woman, I do feel the pressure to dress sexy, though I don't overdo it, it is not enough these days to dress in what you like, you have to compete with the girls who have it all out there, so this means opting for figure hugging clothes as compared to baggy jumpers and jogging bottoms.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]It doesn't matter how smooth you are, you can't get me (a smart girl) in 7 days. Sorry, but I have fallen for smooth lines, I am now looking for an intelligent, respectful, honest, caring , blah blah blah MAN.

Some people think that this is stuck up attitude, but think if every guy who approached me with great chat up lines and confidence became my boyfriend then I would be telling you about my 11th or 12th boyfriend. You just have to be smart about it, and what I want more than anything is commitment and effort, not someone who'll burst into tears if he doesn't get his candy after the first attempt. I believe, there are many other girls out there who will respond quickly to these things, but I am looking for a specific type of guy, and I guess, sweet lines just don't cut it.

Sorry to burst your bubble.

P.s. if you don't have sweet lines BUT you have a sweet personality, I can see that, you don't need to sell yourself as much to me, but it is a bonus if you have both [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I think the goal here is not to waste any more of your time on him, but to start thinking more about what will make YOU happy. If being with another guy (boyfriend) is going to make you happier, then I believe you may start thinking about ways to leave your boyfriend.

However, before you do anything rash, I believe you need to give your boyfriend a chance to explain his behaviour, let him know thta you're on to his games. It's usually a tactic of guys, they tend to distance themselves when they are no longer feeling committed to the relationship. When they are either losing interest in you, getting scared of the pace at which the relationship is moving or when they are having other problems with the relationship. You need to find out whether his reason is a genuine reason to even be mad at him for. For all we know, he may just be scared, however I believe it is simply because he is trying to slowly *though so noticably* cut off relations with you.

Man!! This frustrates me because we deserve an explanation, but some guys just can't bring themselves to end relationships maturely, they have to push you to the edge so that you do it.

If he no longer is interested in the relationship, I believe you should still try and act maturely, tell him *best to his face* that you don't want anything to do with him anymore, and make it clear that it was him who pushed you to do this (by ignoring you).

You deserve better than this, and you should go out and get that better instead of wasting your time on this boy.[/color]

bridget007:
Believe in fate, that what is meant to be will be and what's not menat to be will not! If they really loved you then they will find a way back and if not let them go. Then don't wait around wishing they were back or wondering what they are doing, keep your self busy, visit family and friends, arrange dates out, take up a new hobby and do things to make you feel better, put yourself first. One day you will just realise that you can think of them fondly instead of with all the charged emotion.

I went through a break up, was devastated, went through all emotions, crying, anger, hurt but held the belief in fate, I had good days where I kept busy and felt good, but time is the best healer but thankfully he returned and we married! Trust in fate.

[color=#cc0066]It's stories like these that give me false hope *sighs*[/color]

DeepZone:
Speak no more!!! Guys are experts in this field and they are usually ready to rebound as many times as possible. It's recently that women use it as a tool for vengeance but it's more risky for them because you'll be exposed to the guy, body, kiss and pussy.

[color=#cc0066]I understand what you mean, in a way, because guys tend to go into rebound relationships to 'unleash' their man-power, where the relationship is just to re-assert them that they are in control, that they are valued and it does wonders for their ego. Women on the other hand tend to go into rebound relationships with anyone who will create that false security that they lost in the relationship that ended. In all relationships, it is often viewed that guys are more in control, so the idea that a woman enters a rebound relationship more vulnerable than the guy makes it that much more dangerous and damaging.

My advice is to avoid it, I am having lonely nights and crying, but I just wouldn't want to have to break up with someone after I used them for my own gain, they'D go through heart break and with the who palava of the breakup I might miss a great guy because he becomes shadowed by memories of the ex.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I wonder when the word 'rebound' is going to enter this topic??

What are peoples' views on rebound relationships?
- Especially used in a way to help the person who's heart has been broken to heal quicker.
- To make the person who broke up with you jealous.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]We can continue to talk commitment (Though I am about to head off to sleep, yes at 9.48 am)![/color]