₦airaland Forum

To he who said he cant remember seeing his father do house chores? Is your home your father's house? the requirements then are different to yours, so you need to tailor your needs to your household's requirement. Can i also ask, do you aim to do as well as your father in life or better than? So why limit your efforts to that, that should matter most, i.e. your home?

To Everyone complaining about chores becoming a duty? remember the story of a job that needed to be done, and 'everybody' thought it was 'somebody's' job, yet 'nobody' did it? That's what happens when there is no agreed structure in place, chaos and manic!. You all work so hard at your career and jobs (these are goverened by structure and processes) yet refuse to put your homes in such order.

The pricinples that make the organisations you work for successful, try implementing similar to your homes and family and see whether it wont be a happier more successful home or not. I bet at work you have a clear job description, each person is aware of input/outputs. yet you are still expected to be flexible enough to support other members of the team and organisations with adhoc tasks. How can you put your best efforts towards a job, career etc yet give out peanuts to your home, knowing that whether the chips are down or up, home is where you return?

To those that don't contribute to the family life at home, its fine coz there might be no requirement for it, you may have a line of househelps or aburos, your wife might be a housewife or just simply good at keeping on top of things, but if your home requires it and your wife is asking for help, then please frigging get to it! As it works in lagbaja's house isnt how is gonna work in yours remember!

I wonder who made this wonderful law that most Naija men so dearly hold on to 'it's a woman's duty' to do so and so. So what if the woman does some man's duty, does that require a duty reshuffle at the court I don’t know what world most of people live in, but I pull my weight as much as my husband on the supposed Men matters, as such, I very much expect him to pull his. Coz, I'm no machine, no messiah or computer. overtime even the machine and computer would at some point burn out from overuse.

I don’t think its right, if you both have had a long day, one person is in the background sorting out things; dinner, school lunch for kids etc and the other person faffs around. My idea is in every situation and circumstance I need to be adding value, no matter how tired I am, I find it hard to be idle if someone else around me is busy and there are other things that can be done.

Infact this conversation I hate revisiting, the energy it takes and could be spent improving other areas. One day, the Nigerian man would wake up and spell the coffee, times have changed from the times of our mothers and grandmothers, the same way these men have evolved from queuing at NITEL or a neighbours house to receive calls, to having home phone, to thuraya - cellular 090 - to GSM, now internet on the go to Ipads n Iphones, these same evolution needs to take place in the mindset and mentality.

And whilst the men go through the slow and highly needed change, to the women that take it in their strides, you have better be getting some good loving in return (then it makes it all worthwhile) otherwise, someday you would wake up and see that you are so spent out.

Before I became a mother, I thought I had everything under control, but now I know better, especially with kids anything can happen anytime. I now take things in my strides and I have learnt to circumvent things before happen. i.e. prevention is better than cure.

I am now rather paranoid. I had done the worst rides at Alton towers etc, but now, even rides for under 3 scare me. I also kinda of extend that fear factor to the kids, I don’t like rough play etc.

I hate reading the papers; news of kids dying scare the hell outta me and then drives me into paranoia so such doesn’t happen to the kids. it could be things like electronic gates killing a child, immediately ruled out elec gates in our house, a kids hiding in the washing machine during hide and seek and suffocating. A child getting tangled up in blind cord, now we have child safety blinds and the only room (downstairs bath) still with them cords, adults in the house have been explicitly warned not to pull the blinds, as the cords get longer the more you pull, the little dangling bit that is left, I have folded up and taped to the wall.

Also, I have noticed, I am less tolerant of adults that don’t clean up after themselves. I'm constantly cleaning after 2 lil ones, I wont do such for an adult. My husband and I are still at loggerhead over this.

I have until recently put myself and needs on the back burner, it was always the family 1st, that slowly changed to the kids first but now its my sanity 1st, the kids after, all other man for himself. Selfish you would say, but in out situation that works best!!!

cooking is about practice make perfect! I’m a girl but I wasn’t exactly taught to cook. But overtime from Uni in ado-ekiti, living by myself in the UK, now marriage and kids, I'm so good and people compliment my cooking and look forward to my parties or dinner at mine!

for me, it begins with knowing the taste of good food, having an idea of how i want a meal to taste, taking a shot at putting thought with process/ingredients. comparing the taste/look/feel with my original thought. If its too soft, then less water, less time. to hard more water, or if more salt etc is required. I never fail to experiment and keep trying (unless I don’t like the food again, knowing that at the next trial, that issue would be addressed, until its perfect.

This way, I now bake my cakes, make bad-ar*se party jollof, ewa agoyin, efo riro, efo elegusi,ogbono, P soup, ayamase etc. I never think a meal is above me, unless I just don’t fancy it! My friend's own a naija restaurant and I hardly patronise them, not cause i don’t want to support their business, but coz i & even my hubby knows 9 out of 10 times, i can do better.

in conclusion, practice, practice, practice and please don’t lend an ear to people that think guys cant know how to cook!!! You shouldn’t subject yourself to a woman cause of food, also the world is changing, everywhere and everything is everyone's world and a levelled platform.

I’ve been nairalander for over 8years, but as I don’t post much, cant seem to find the spell checker button, anyone that can help, hola, so I spell check my post! i cant be bothered to read through!

i cant even start with my Nigeria stories, it's like i never learn. Promised myself this year 2013, no more only for my BIL to do me quick rambo again. His wife asked me to pick up trainers and black shoes for 2 of the kids & office clothes for her(no money ooh and short notice, as in 5days)As he's to leave for naija today, he came friday to sleep over, so he cld pick the things. We went shopping together (so i cld drop him off at the bus station), only for him to be picking things for one contractor, himself, his sister etc and add to my lot at the till. WTF! He did it at 2 different stores and was saying some story abt expecting some transfers from nigeria that didnt come through. Why travel if u dont have enough money! I know he went out with my husband to pick plugs from Halfords, and i know that one wold have chopped his bananas well, as normally he is the one that falls to such pranks, but my BIL got me big time, now I wont even carry anyone for shopping again, take the bus abeg!

Or is it my sista that keeps robbing Peter to pay Paul. She wa going back to Naija, there are these gummy vutamins i bought for my kids cost me a fortune from costco as far as im concerned, but bought all three; multi vit, calcium n omega3. only for me to discover 1 was missing, when i asked her, she said she saw there were 3 there and just took one. She doesnt have kids ooh, she's probably going to give some ppl and say i bought it for me, shey its my own kids that dont need vits? or am I a charity? She's been doing stuffs like that lots and over-tells stories about me to ppl, so those ones now come with demands not knowing the issues I go through here. I just told my dad that as from this year, I'm not allowing her to stay in my house again, coz i always lose my head one she does her normal antics.

Or my stepmom that i helped with money, biz idea, PR, clients etc. She just ruined the whole opportunity at the 3rd run. Greed!!! Now she's back to square one, and I only look at my dad's side now, i dont bother with her. That is another story for another day!

Ex may representing!

My s/n is too dear to me, as it's my PIN on all my cards!!

Rest in perfect peace with your husband, Madam.

This reminds me of one song, let me know it it rings a bell in anyone's head

'madamu kan waa, madam
Oo mo bo nshe cut, madam
Owa ni wipe, who is ojomo?
Ojomo come down'

Sorry to burst bubbles, but that's a birthday on the low; public club thus each person pays for entry and drinks. That's obviously a last minute rushed up cake from Costco (£10 last time I checked).

So just a bunch of people having a reason to celebrate, dress up and have some fun! No economically twist!!

Am i the only lady here?

Anyways, cars I have bought n owned; (PS im no good with years but I can help with reg)

Nigeria
red Nissan bluebird 2.00, served me well, we clocked man a miles together
UK
BMW 5 series (H reg i think) - sold it within 2 months, as it was just too big, especially for one just driving on narrow UK roads
Renault Laguna (m reg) - worth its every penny
Renault scenic (54 reg)- Famly SUV
Peugeot 308 convertible (12 reg)- Just barely 6 weeks old but worth the 6 months wait, I have the roof down at every ray of sunshine (see pix)
My husband drives a Honda Accord (59) - aiight drive, Im not as thrilled as he is.

@ ALL, who think there is no need to ask questions or apportion blame, i beg to differ.

Ordinary hip replacement!!! I am no medics, but a number of recent occurrences around me has further exposed me to the field. With every surgery there is a risk of death, but the risks starts to dwindle post surgery and every extra minut e after. Perx had her surgery on d 22nd circa and went into a coma 28th ish??

Please note that a coma is one of the safest form of human preservation, that docs sometime induce a coma. Prior to her going into a coma, there would been tell tale signs, which normally shd v been detected if the patient was probably monitored. Let's for one moment imagine whateva caused the coma happened swiftly, but why did she still need to die from coma??

my grandma was in a coma at home for 3 weeks, we had a nurse with her 24/7, we decided to take her off ourselves coz the drip wasn't going to the right places, and moreover she was 95years. People v been known to be in comas for years, as much as 19years and still make full recovery. Worst case scenario with comas is the family is advised to turn off the life support because the possibility of brain activity death etc. My friend had a brain hemorrhage from child birth just 6 months ago,and was in a coma for 2 weeks so as u can imagine a I am speaking from extensive research and fresh experience. I thank God my friend is on the path to full recovery and know home with family.

Obviously, we cant overlook the fact that Nigeria has a failed healthcare system, so this is not a case of witchhunting at UBTH, but rather for all to seize the anguish and pain to demand for their basic rights from a failling society.

You see lots of Nigerian names as the best in many medical fields all over the world, they have had to seek green pastures in society that appreciates quality.

We have current thieves like Ibori stealing funds meant for the people that could safe a thousand Perxs, but yet it took the UK govt to successfully prosecute.


What of the churches, mosques etc. Afterall if you are collecting from the people in form of tithes and offerings and all sorts, you might as well take on the responsibility of the people, even Christ said give to Cesar's what belongs to Cesar.

See us seeking funds from doctors from beyond; what happened to writing to Dbanj, Don Jazzy, P square, or even 2 face. What are they all doing

IS it only when one is an Ojukwu or an Christy Igbokwe or a Yinka Craig or a Village headmaster that one should qualify for state/government sponsored healthcare or treatment??

Taking care of our brothers isn't anybody's job, it is everybody's job. It took a faceless community to give hope to Perx, do we know how many more Perx exist without the opportunity or access. Its sad that majority of us now are coming into the 35<age bracket when all sorts ailments are certain to start surfacing, its Perx today that the society/healthcare system Ash failed, who knows who next!

There is never a better thing to kickstart a crusade than in anguish and loss, Perx had died but she shouldn't die in vain. High time we all started to ask questions; question yourself, your government, your church/mosque etc. Question until you get answers!!!

OAM4J:
She was billed for 2 surgeries (surgery for her right femur replacement and hip replacement). She had the 1st one 2 weeks ago and was recovering to get ready for the 2nd one before she went into coma.

Thanks for your response, i also did some digging and figured it was post operation. It still boils down to the low level of health care available in Nigeria. Maybe in the future, the Nairaland charity committee might want to consider treatment abroad. It would surprise many that treatment abroad is actually much cheaper than the average in Nigeria. Factors that may drive up treatment abroad are usually the air flight and accommodation and upkeep. If accommodation and upkeep is taken outta of the picture (like i did suggest BUPA and offered to host Perx if the option was taken). The actual treatment cost remains as originally quoted regardless of any complications or subsequent consultation and treatment, and at least one can attest the quality.

I guess God knows best and understands why things spanned this way. It breaks my heart when there is a glimmer of hope only for it to be squashed out. It's like a taunt, but as usual HE knows best and why.

Very sad that the Beautiful and brave lady died, despite all. But as usual, in all situations, i choose the see the brigther side, that Perx died STRONG and HOPEFUL, a far cry from her state of mind just a few months ago. I smile because I know she would be smiling down at the faceless (atleast most of us are/were) community that gave her hope and a reason to live on at her lowest points.

May i ask if the coma was post operation? it is essential to know, as there might be lessons to be learnt.

1.) I love the smell of new born babies; theire hair, skin, mouth and even poo, there is something just natural and calming about it.
2.) also like the smell of cigar or even cigarette in an ACed car or room, quite exotic IMO
3.) i find the smell of cake/bread in the oven quite welcoming, it gives off a homely feel as well

New arrivals now in stock; featuring boyfriend jackets, bandage skirts, pencil skirts, office dresses, various slim belts and much more. As usual, email me topsy_smitie at yahoo dot com for contact details. Wholesale and retail available

Also have childrens clothes in stock

New arrivals now in stock; featuring boyfriend jackets, bandage skirts, pencil skirts, office dresses, various slim belts and much more. As usual, email me[b] topsy_smitie at yahoo dot com[/b] for contact details. Wholesale and retail available

Also have childrens clothes in stock

New arrivals now in stock; featuring boyfriend jackets, bandage skirts, pencil skirts, office dresses, various slim belts and much more. As usual, email me[b] topsy_smitie at yahoo dot com[/b] for contact details

Also have childrens clothes in stock

New arrivals now in stock; featuring boyfriend jackets, bandage skirts, pencil skirts, office dresses, various slim belts and much more. As usual, email me for contact details

Also have childrens clothes in stock

Thanks, I have added my widow's mite.

I don't believe in giving a man fish, rather in teaching a man to fish; invariably, Perx monthly maintenance shouldnt be the limit, but rather a total recovery to full health and hopefully back to mainstream life.

I would suggest, we engage treatment abroad. BUPA for example is very good at speedy correspondence and treatment, so far the funds are available. A good starting point would be to know total amount required for her treatment, so we know the target we should be working towards.

I would have loved to take on correspondence and research, but as it were my hands are filled with my lil' huns! But i am happy to feature in stuffs like further donations, accomodation and upkeep ; should Perx and the charity board decide on treatment in the UK. Atleast that would also drive down the treatment cost.

*i dont spell check, my weakness :-)

Can i have the details for donations from the Uk.

Also, a big WELLDONE to coordinators etal, taking time out of your schedule to touch lives, highly commendable!!! Keep up the great job.

@ thiefofhearts

I know, as I am normally a very private person. But pictures do speak louder than words and with a weight loss story, what better way to show it!

Thanks!

I am a success story and very recent too!

About May 2011, in a moment of compassion to help raise money for a charity and what i term as sheer madness, i put my name forward for the Bristol half marathon in Sept. For 2 months, i toiled with the idea of chickening out and was plagued by the fear of dropping dead during the race. Note i was 96kg and a UK size 18/20.

However 3 months to the race, I drew up my training plan, that was to run often and pack in as many miles as possible. I ran with 3 different set of ppl every mondays, wednesdays and thursdays. Running with ppl i wasnt really familiar with, gave me motivation and made me committed. I knew so far I got myself to our meeting point; i was sure to complete the loop/route. Also as i hate letting ppl down, i was 99% certain to make our dates except there was snow or a major disaster

I remember my first attempt at a run,i was wheezing and lagging behind, slowing down the other ladies; majority of whom were much older than me but obviously fitter than me. But with sheer determination and constant practice, i kept running and it was only a matter of time they were trying to catch up with me, as they were leisure once-a-week runners and only did at a max 5k run.

I also replaced my breakfast with smoothies, different flavours every day. I got this smoothie to go maker, with handy cups which made it tidy and easy to take work. I completed the half marathon in 3 hours 3 minutes and I have kept on with my regular exercise by attending 2 days bootcamp and yoga classes once a week.

Fastforward, I am now a size 12 and weight 79kg. I still have some way to go, but I have been pretty chuffed with myself and had loads of fun changing my whole wardrobe.

A before and after story is not complete with pictures; i hope these encourages you

PS. Pardon any spelling mistakes, my spell checker tab isnt functioning, and I'm dead tired!

Hi all, our stock has arrived and selling fast and furious; get stocked up for Christmas. Let's all end 2011 on a high singing to the banks. Send me an email for cotact details

Re: Trendy Clothes,shoes,bags&accessories At Wholesale Prices From Famous Uk Store!
« #36 on: Yesterday at 04:48:40 AM »
@ ALL

Just to let you know we have new stock; great stuffs and sure to go real fast. The goods are already in Nigeria and sales should commmence tuesday 15th of november and should last for about a week.

As usual, we have current vogue and fashion; boyfriend pants/jeans, jackets, ladies dressy tops, casual tops, dresses, skirts, trousers, sandals and slippers, shoes, fashion accessories (rings, beads, belts, berets, caps, hair accessories, earrings and oads more)

Also availabe are men clothing and accessories like chunky rings, belts, suede loafers, shoes, slippers and sandals.

We would also be having childrens clothes and accessories within the next couple of weeks.

The drill as norm, is a minimum of 100 items. the prices vary and you would be the viewing. Contact details nd sales point as changed, so please email for the latest.

@ ALL

Just to let you know we have new stock; great stuffs and sure to go real fast. The goods are already in Nigeria and sales should commmence tuesday 15th of november and should last for about a week.

As usual, we have current vogue and fashion; boyfriend pants/jeans, jackets, ladies dressy tops, casual tops, dresses, skirts, trousers, sandals and slippers, shoes, fashion accessories (rings, beads, belts, berets, caps, hair accessories, earrings and oads more)

Also availabe are men clothing and accessories like chunky rings, belts, suede loafers, shoes, slippers and sandals.

We would also be having childrens clothes and accessories within the next couple of weeks.

The drill as norm, is a minimum of 100 items. the prices vary and you would be the viewing. Contact details nd sales point as changed, so please email for the latest.

@ ALL

Just to let you know we have new stock; great stuffs and sure to go real fast. The goods are already in Nigeria and sales should commmence tuesday 15th of november and should last for about a week.

As usual, we have current vogue and fashion; boyfriend pants/jeans, jackets, ladies dressy tops, casual tops, dresses, skirts, trousers, sandals and slippers, shoes, fashion accessories (rings, beads, belts, berets, caps, hair accessories, earrings and oads more)

Also availabe are men clothing and accessories like chunky rings, belts, suede loafers, shoes, slippers and sandals.

We would also be having childrens clothes and accessories within the next couple of weeks.

The drill as norm, is a minimum of 100 items. the prices vary and you would be the viewing. Contact details nd sales point as changed, so please email for the latest.

@ ALL

Just to let you know we have new stock; great stuffs and sure to go real fast. The goods are already in Nigeria and sales should commmence tuesday 15th of november and should last for about a week.

As usual, we have current vogue and fashion; boyfriend pants/jeans, jackets, ladies dressy tops, casual tops, dresses, skirts, trousers, sandals and slippers, shoes, fashion accessories (rings, beads, belts, berets, caps, hair accessories, earrings and oads more)

Also availabe are men clothing and accessories like chunky rings, belts, suede loafers, shoes, slippers and sandals.

We would also be having childrens clothes and accessories within the next couple of weeks.

The drill as norm, is a minimum of 100 items. the prices vary and you would be the viewing. Contact details nd sales point as changed, so please email for the latest.

@ ALL

Just to let you know we have new stock; great stuffs and sure to go real fast. The goods are already in Nigeria and sales should commmence tuesday 15th of november and should last for about a week.

As usual, we have current vogue and fashion; boyfriend pants/jeans, jackets, ladies dressy tops, casual tops, dresses, skirts, trousers, sandals and slippers, shoes, fashion accessories (rings, beads, belts, berets, caps, hair accessories, earrings and oads more)

Also availabe are men clothing and accessories like chunky rings, belts, suede loafers, shoes, slippers and sandals.

We would also be having childrens clothes and accessories within the next couple of weeks.

The drill as norm, is a minimum of 100 items. the prices vary and you would be the viewing. Contact details nd sales point as changed, so please email for the latest.

Hi Pslm 23,

I like the fact that you are sharing your story and hopefully help others going through the same sojourn. I have great assurance that this cycle would work our fine and in 9months circa, we shall be celebrating your addition(s) to this wonderful world, and as such I have subscribed to the topic.

Much love as you and support!

I believe the OP has every right and justification for her actions and decisions.  We all also need to look at things from other ppl's perspectives and not our myopic bubble. All the OP asked for was either a cot or  justification for spending 40k circa on one. Ideas of Cot beds; which the baby can use till 4 years would have been more appropriate than unnecessary sentiments of 'your 1st child' rubbish or worse still ''BB'' this and that or even 'Brazilian weaves'. That was totally uncalled for and distasteful. Lesssons should be learnt from this. It's great to post comments, but greater to seat and observe if we don't have anything new or relevant to add.

I had personally decided i wasn't going to buy a wedding dress, not because i cant afford it but coz i think it's just a waste. I had planned to rent and was lined up to use my cousin's, but unfortunately got pregnant before the actual wedding, so was forced to buy, but made sure i got a real cheap deal at $300. Compared to what W.dresses cost in the UK or what my Friends and family pay on dresses.

My point exactly is,  its my choice and prerogative! To each is own.

Funny and spot on! Guilty as charged of quite some of the allegations.

Also noticed at work, when you see the other darkie in the jungle, especially the newly recruited Tester, BA or Project person, 99.9% its a fellow Nigerian. We too like money, naa soo soo contractor and not perm staff. Walks and talks like a subject expert whereas  it probably his/her first real role, LOL

But i give it Nigerian, we take particular care in our appearance. Even those on meagre wages, still dress neat and well put together. I have a thing for picking out Nigerian from a crowd of even blacks, I'm normally right 75% -80%. I look at the combination of hairstyle, jewel, clothes and overall attitude, especially with the girls. The guys like to wear well ironed shirt and shoes for occasions, whether on jeans , chinos or even linen.

But AJ's point does strike a cord, we too like OYO (on Your Own), compared to the Asian Communities, they look out for themselves more and as such achieving great things both individually and collectively. A lot of ppl have this idea that other naijas are OSE (soap), as in dey go just wash(fall) your hand. Me thinks its high time we started giving each other the benefit of doubt and build relationships, not because of the perceived immediate benefits, but rather for camaraderie