I really need an advice. I currently work with one of the Nigerian banks. My monthly take home is about 450k and quite good. My major problem right now is that I have just been transferred from a Branch at one end of Lagos to another end of Lagos. All efforts to convince my boss to deploy me to a closer branch has proved abortive.
Going to work daily right now is a very difficult especially during this raining season and covid 19th period. I spend roughly 3-4 hours on the road when going to work and back home.
I am currently raising my kids on my own right now and dont know how I would manage when school resumes. Before now I drop them off on my way to work in the morning and my friend picks them up to her house in the afternoon till I get back.
I currently have a savings of 2million and would love to start a biz( I dont know what kind) as am comptemplating resigning and start a biz instead so that I can have time for my kids and not die due to stress
Please i really need advice for you all.
Try and renegotiate with your boss or a higher line manager about the obvious constraints the relocation would have on you. Perhaps you could even ask for some time extension before resuming @ new office (3-6 months) this would give you time to strategise, perhaps arrange alternative childcare arrangements that ensures kids safety or even try and test new hustle before taking the dive. With all you do, save hard. Just 2m with a 450k salary isn't great. Unless of course the bulk of your money is saved in assets that you can easily liquidate. This experience should teach you that change can happen suddenly, unannounced and unplanned.
kazyhm: Any persons that feel she or he has the monopoly of the right words to express an opinion is a fool
Being sensible and reasonable does not portray anyone as a doormat except an inferior fellow
[quot
Rapsodee: As much as I see nothing wrong for her to air her opinion, I still believe arrogance is why a lady will always want to sound right even when she only needs to nodd and agree with what a man has said.
e author=Lostz post=89115690]
you should respect the position of the man when airing that opinion[/quote]It takes low inferiority complex for a man/human to need another human lower than him for validation. Many of you have no business in dating, just get a goat, you'd have the submission you so crave.
Attached mean is written by your fellow man, but of course one with more sense
Rapsodee: I don't know why she is like this, whenever we discuss and i make my point clear enough even when I have said what she wanted to say which is just the truth, she still won't admit that I have said it all. She will then start her own story trying to argue what I said but still finally comes back to what I said initially. she is always trying to prove a point anytime and it's annoying, I am not so much of a talker so I see no reason for us repeating what I just stated out again.
She always say that she has a mind of her own and she shouldn't just swallow anyone's suggestion hook line and sinker.
Let me just say she is philosophical, always wanting to question everything and it can be tiring when no conclusion is reached on time.
Now, is it because she talks a lot or she is just too arrogant to admit my suggestion.
I have been checking out for her submissiveness. hope her questioning attitude is not a red flag for the future.
And you have a problem with someone that has her own mind and not afraid to air her opinion? What do you want, a doormat? I definitely see plenty red flags and they are all emitting from you.
Jasonjay101: Please I'm new here on this platform and I just want some advice to clear my mind.
Let me just go straight to the point. My girl that we've been dating for a year plus now just told me a week ago that she lived a couple's life with her ex back in school right from when she entered 300l (4yrs course) and the guy 400l (5yrs course) and I've not been able to get over it.
It happened a week ago, we were together and she saw a post of her ex engagement to his current girlfriend and she started feeling bad, so I asked her what happened and a little bit angry with her thinking maybe she was not over her ex yet. She told me she has gotten over him but she just remembered her past so I try to console her to let go and if there's something she hasn't told me yet about her past that is still eating her up she can tell me because before now we've talked about a lot of things about our past and we've try to forgive each other and let the past be in the past.
She had told me it was this only guy she had dated and it was the same guy that disvirgined her. I was not bothered about that because I was not a virgin either. She told me she has moved on even before I came and she stayed for close to a year to heal up and all through this time I was asking her out but she never said yes and never told me she was going through heart break.
Now, it's a year and few months into our relationship, she's been a very good girl, supportive and hard working. And now she just told me this, coupled with some lies she has used to cover it up in some of our previous conversations about her school life.
I'm not perfect either and I've had my past which I have told her. I never lived a couples life back in school and it was only a girl I've also had anything sexual relationship to do with.
Why am emotionally down now is because I know what it is like to live a couples life in school. I never lived as one but I know of people that lived as such in school and I know what happens.
Now I don't know if I can forget about this and we move on. I love this girl so much and she has shown to also love me as much and I've tried to forget about what happened but most times when I see her now I tend to always remember and it eats me up.
Do you guys think I can forget about this?
Why do we as africans continue to incarcerate our mind by such primitive thinking and notions? So how does cohabitation make her any less a person? You knew she had a boyf, you knew they had sex your issue I'm guessing as cohabitants they must have been at it every minute right? That there is height of perversion, you think like a caveman, emancipate yourself from mental slavery. In woke societies people cohabit with their partners from as young as 18 if they wish and there are some benefits to it too like cost savings, it's greener and you can save more faster towards ventures like buying a house. But i forgot you're a caveman you can't wrap your head around young homeowners either SMH
alwayssparkling: hello nairaland doctors i need help here. pls overlook any typo error.
i am over the age where the 4 widom teeth (the molars) of an adult normally grows.
the thing is while the two molars at the top jaw grew without any problem, the other bottom two refused to grow out. i really didnt notice until two year ago when i started having gum aches from both sides of my bottom jaw. at first the pain was mild but it came back two weeks later and this time it was more severe. this made me count my teeth and i discovered i only had 30 teeth instead of 32.
i didnt take it seriously but the aches continued forcing me to see a dentist. after a minute checkup the doctor told me i had a condition known as an impacted tooth. according to him, my bottom jaw was smaller than my teeth set and that made it impossible for my molars to grow out. he said the pain i felt was due to the two molars trying to push against the obstruction of the jaw.
i asked for a soln and he told me that the only way pluck out the molars. i didnt have a problem with that until i asked for the price.
he told me that the removal of both teeth would cost 15k each. i shouted and he shouted back. i left the office angrily but not before he told me that by the time i get to 26 i will be the one begging for the procedure.
the truth is since the time i did that checkup the gum aches have been coming up periodically. i have been fighting it with warm water and salt but the pain normally comes back after a couple of weeks with each emergence more severe than the last.
so i really want to know if there is another alternative to deal with the ache without parting with my 30k.
i recently noticed with the help of a mirror that there have been little signs of the molars showing up, though majority of the whole is still buried under the jaw.
You not only have just the pain to deal with, but you'd also probably have bad breathe as food atatts3gsrring trapped in the flaps and pockets etc. Only solution is extraction in the meantime regularly rinse/gargle mouth to keep pain at bay.
It terms of getting the treatment cheaper, perhaps you may wish to consider military hospitals etc a they have subsided health care and operate a flat fee regardless of civilian or uniformed. You may need some connections etc but I know someone who gets her dental care from Bonny camp through this route.
Another alternative may be to consider dental students, sometimes they require people for their practical etc only downside is you'd be a specimen and treatment might be more rudimentary. But it is what it is, you need the tretament and can't afford the full cost, so other means would have to do.
GamalNasser: Watching a video of how Abba Kyari body was being removed from the casket to be lowered into the grave I notice there was fresh looking blood stains in the casket . RIP Sir .
True observations, I've just watched the video and can confirm so. Typical respiratory issues from covid causes death, so why blood? Then why is the blood fresh not clotted? Beggars belief that there is something fishy?
I've been masturbating at an average of twice a day for the past 8 years, I really can't explain how it got to that level but I was so addicted to it that I could self-service when I'm sick or even fasting.
So recently I decided to call it quit, it's been 1 month now and it seems I'm waking up to the reality of not being in a relationship all my life, I'm 26 BTW and I've never felt so much urge and desire to be in a relationship as I'm feeling right now. I'm always of the opinion that I don't need a girl now and would definitely get one when I'm ready to settle down but it seems very hard for me to approach a girl and the thought of being in a relationship scares me, I feel the relationship might not last, I might not be committed and the girl might get bored and leave.
Through out my stay in the university and my NYSC days I had no single female friend and presently I have no female friend. When I'm in the midst of people I don't give audience at all to any female and might not even speak to them but I have lots of male friends, I know I'm not gay but I just don't feel that need to talk to a girl or keep up with them, I don't even have a single female contact on my phone.
I'm working and fairly comfortable now but I'm beginning to worry that I might not be able to fall in love or even get to approach a lady for any meaningful relationship and the worst of it all is relapsing (start masturbating again). Please I need your advice.
Register for classes or fun sessions that will bring you in regular and close contact with the opposite sex. Salsa or a dance class comes to.mind.... you'd be learning something new and getting interactive sessions with women which can help you build up your confidence, ad get you comfortable with women. Depending on where you live there are salsa classes almost every night in places like the island, surulere and ikeja
dasparrow: Your brother is a porn and sex addict. He better seek therapy because not even marriage will solve his problem. I feel sorry for any woman that will settle down with your brother. Sex and porn addicts are dangerous. When they manage to become fathers, they oftentimes sexually abuse their kids and even the kids of others.
Hmmh Dr Dasparrow, expert in addiction and generational cycle. Reincarnated addiction felony.... get the F**k outta hia and go get your facts straight
freeman131: But the act is a sin and it's already an addiction and mind you we're from a Christian family,my parents would really be disappointed if they get to find out.
Are you okay? A grown man is masturbating and you're here crying foul for him? An addict would not be able to hold down a job, family or social ties or even function.
You're brother is a doctor, maintains an apartment as you're staying with him, maintains a love relationship, maintains religious ties and still has you his brother around him and you call him an addict? Abegii who make you addiction doctor and diagnosis expert? Get the F**k outta hia!
I must admit I'm sorely disappointed at Lagos State's immature ban on Okadas and keke napep. And I thought this governor had great minds around him!
In my honest opinion, the ban is yet again another woefully executed "great idea" which is very typical of Nigerian projects; lacks adequate planning and consultation plus very rushed implementation.
Just one working day in and the hardship felt by the masses is unprecedented, add the heightened insecurity and violence spates this has brought about and you start to get a picture of the chaotic mess.
The state governments PR ain't doing great either nor have they offered plausible answers to key issues. Have they considered individuals who solely depend on their bikes as their private means of transportation. Saying powerbikes and delivery bikes are excluded just doesn't cut it. No be person wey chop belleful go afford powerbike?
Similarly, BOS's statement about alternatives being rolled out shows WIP that should have happened before not after implementing the ban. And the icing on the cake for me 'the little discomfort experienced' shows someone not intune with his representation.
So much could have been done differently and it's never too early to call off a dead on arrival project. The govt should first deliver on the promised rail services. A phased implementation should be considered (perhaps a ban on all major highways first), Fix and peg transportation costs so bus drivers do not take advantage of the populace by hiking up prices. Have unique registration for private and public lightweight vehicles similar to cars and buses. Focus on information and data management whereby everyone and vehicle is registered to an address so penalties are sent via post thereby removing from the streets the unnecessary rancour caused by officials trying to administer the law. The lack of data.and information management is the sole reason the USA imposed recent visa restrictions on Nigeria, information management is very pivotal for the success of any economy.
Invariably all of these just shows the need for a robust and strategic project management office that can adequately assess, review, consult, plan and phase out changes. I am thereby offering my consultation services �
Perhaps also learn from the Brits, who 2 years after Brexit vote are still yet to implement, but rather performing important due diligence on how it can be implemented with minimal impact. Further transportation stats using London as an example is hereby attached and to imagine the Brits still complain about the (in)efficiency of transportation in London, they need a visit to my home country �♀️�♀️�♀️
Opeyemiebun: Hmm, thanks alot....i will take your advice and let only her get for now. My reasons are numerous, aside the economy Families will believe we have the money stocked up somewhere . We both take care of numerous responsibilities in our extended homes
Having 2 cars with a young family (kids) is not a luxury but a necessity.
There is time and tide for everything, investments can come later. Moreso you're lucky you have the funds for both cars, for some the situation would be 1 now, 2nd later.
You nailed the case yourself, a car for you means you can justify higher charges, therefore the car isn't a liability but rather an asset that would generate greater returns.
Lastly, please desist from slavery and poverty mentality that justifies living in penury statements like 'managing for now' @family thinking you have money'. Quality of life is key and paramount to healthy and long life. Moreso, You owe absolutely nobody an explanation on how and why you spend your money. If infact you're lacking excuses Let who ever know that your expenses have infact increased; 2 cars, 2 homes and a baby. I'm more candid, I just simply say sorry I cant help now/on this occasion etc, I don't need to give anyone further justification as to why, but continue to live my life an travel the world.
Prosper82: I appreciate all the helpful and advice / criticism. It's what I needed from you all.
I cook 40% of the time. I always do the laundry, and wash the dishes at least half of the time. Whenever possible I take our oldest out so she can get a break from at least one of the kids.
The truth is that Something my wife does frequently is she will say something implying that we will have sex after she put the children to bed then when the moment comes she will either just ignore it and not act on what she said earlier or she will come up with some reason not to have sex.
The other day she said she would come over to me, but fell asleep with the kids, and I don't feel like waking her up to come have sex with me. she's a full time house wife and I realize she's super exhausted taking care of the house and two kids all day.
Last night I came back from work she straight up say we should have sex later and I helped out bathing our baby . Then she started cooking , while I had the kids. When she was done she took the kids to bed and I started ironing our clothes. After the kids fell asleep she came out cleaned the living room while I was still ironing . By the time we were done, it was 9.30pm Apparently, she wanted sex but at the same time she was on the phone with her sister. I was exhausted so I just went to bed. And that's how it goes.
I'm not entirely against attachment parenting, but the co-sleeping part has honestly created some resentment in me. Maybe I'm being selfish for feeling this way, but I feel relegated. She's a great mother, and I'm really lucky that my children have such a loving and caring mother. I just wish our marriage was a little bit like it was before having any kids. I guess, as some of you have said, I haven't fully realized what it means to adapt to parenthood.
I'm responding simply because you sound so reasonable and so articulate with your feelings and thought process. Just 2 suggestions, expressing this to her just as clearly and in its entirety not just dropping hints etc. As in a proper conversation, text or email. Many women fall into this without realising the hurt or impact to the other party or the the relationship. Making them aware keeps the relationship in check.
Even better still, do you guys experiment with a build up to sex? Sexting is good, regular date nights too is even much better. To keep relationships flesh o highly recommend regular date nights, weekly if possible but worse casw scenario atleast once a month. You both can agree a stipluation that date night most end with sex and sleeping in same bed. Afterall to start with, someone has the kids. You both have something to look forward to, She dresses up and feels fresh. It can be a simple meal or plus an activity; movie, walk in the park, visiting another couple etc and you finish up at home.
Baby bump is still not evidence. With crypto pregnancies, the women display all symptoms of pregnancies including the bump, swollen faces and legs, nausea etc. Medicine and injections can do wonders to create illusions except a real foetus. Only a beating foetus detectable on a scan is real evidence unless of course one witnesses the birth
Are people on here this gullible or stupid? This us a clear case of crypto pregnancy where women who can't conceive are injected with all sorts and demonstrate pregnancy symptoms without actually been pregnant. The foetus is never detected on a scan. Note that her pastor's wife not a medical practitioner told her she was pregnant. At the time of birth, the woman is put under general anesthetics, faux operation is performed and a baby is either stolen or farmed from a baby farm.
The victims aren't exactly innocent either, they know it's not possible or true but their greed and desperation wouldn't allow reasonable thinking. How can you be passed menopause and then suddenly get pregnant? They all should be arrested!
God knows I can never love any artist that much, least of all Burna Boy who is a well know stoner that is too high to honor his obligation most times.
At least you’ve learnt sha.
I don't mind that he stones, if he can keep it together when required.
Truth is stoners speak unfiltered truth and it's like the stone takes them to higher philosophical places. I like burna's music because it's got the Fela vibe; another legendary stoner & philosopher.
I'd also cross seas to go after what I like, otherwise what's the purpose of living?
tillaman: It’s probably a broken smile, no one likes to loose, I love her spirit but at the end of the day She would wish for that crown too deep down
But is it that People don’t really pick interest in this beauty pageants shows again all we see is the result, I don’t even know it was on
Miss Nigeria you did great
I dispute that her joy wasn't heartfelt. winning to her may not be about her wearing the crown but that another black woman does. It's a bigger winning statement; Miss Universe & Miss World 2019 are both black women. Standards of beauty are no longer been set by western standards, Black too is beautiful.
Stevecovey: Popular TV and radio broadcaster, Shade ladipo made an angry post at Nigerian musician Burnaboy. According to several posts on her Instagram story it was because he abandoned a show he was meant to headline at the last minute.
I'm actually not surprised. Disappointed my old age and naija artist/shows boycott by buying tickets months in advance for his Leicester african giant tour. Different city, 3 hours drive away, made a weekend of it, hotel babysitter etc booked.
Show was 7 - 11, Dude walked in at 10pm dressed in jogger and sweat shirt like he was going to pick milk from the corner store then barely played for 30mins. Claiming he had a cold.
Tickets weren't cheap either, bloody £70 for 2 tickets after all sorts of stupid fees above advertised price. I was mega pissed but only took consolation say my own better pass my My cousin wey buy same ticket for £103 online coz it was sold out.
We all asked ourselves who send us at 40 plus. Come dey watch burna boy. I have seen seasoned artists like Femi Kuti, flown to Spain just to watch Asa; those 2 are not in naija artist league, they give a bloody good perfomance and value for money same as Beyonce, Ed Sheeran and co do.
For now, i have decided I'd only watch on youtube or dance to dj music, no more paying to torture myself and receive mediocrity.
ebuk4real: To remember that this is the same Adeshina I religiously followed his column while still at The Sun newspaper still baffles me. He wrote as a man of strong convictions that if thrown in a pit of Lions like Daniel of the holy scriptures, he would still stand & speak for the truth. And I never missed his column.
But after APC welcomed him to the banquet table, I guess it's either he intentionally shuts down his brain or his meal was laced with memory loss.
Now I know the meaning of the saying which goes thus: Never trust an average Nigerian with power.
Forget Nija...
Truth is everyone has a price, Rueben Abati, Dele Momodu, Oshimole etc were all.one time advocates but got bought.
It's hard to dine at the same table with the devils and remain incorruptible. See Osinbajo now, nothing but a puppet, not a word of recent developments despite been a professor of law.
Built2last: Those who are expressing outrage at the festival of nepotism President Buhari has just demonstrated Sowore, also with the replacement of the Southern head of FIRS and and that of AMCON with Northerners are either lying to themselves or they are lying to us. Either way, their outrage is devoid of sincerity.
Buhari is one of the most consistent men on earth. Consistent in evil. And he has always been an open book. Everything he's doing today are things he's always been doing publicly both in words and in deeds long before becoming President. His records have always been there for even the blind to see.
All through his three previous attempts at the presidency, Buhari never hid the fact that he harbors deep seated disdain for people who are not from his own region and religion. He demonstrated this by restricting his presidential campaign mostly to the North. Even when he picked southern running mates, he still didn't go round the South to campaign but he campaigned in all parts of the North.
Before the 2015 Poll, the ex soldier was repeatedly making known his position on every burning issues. For example, on security, he made it clear that Boko Haram terrorists represent his North and as such, any attack on them was an attack on the North. This was enough to let every honest Nigerian know how he would treat any security problem caused by people who share his region and religion.
On corruption, he told us all that the Nigerian most corrupt leader, Sani Abacha under whom he (Buhari) served and whose loot is still being returned to the country even as I type, was not corrupt. This statement was enough guide for anyone genuinely interested in knowing how the former military dictator would treat acts of corruption perpetrated by his close friends and allies especially those from his part of the country who pray toward mecca.
On desperation for power and zero regard for human life, Buhari showed us all we needed to see when he contested the 2011 Poll on the platform of a little known now defunct Congress For Progressive Change (CPC) and predictably lost but refused to accept the result and incited his supporters into butchering innocent Nigerians. Even when the then President Jonathan govt pleaded with him to just make a statement condemning the post election killing with the hope that his supporters will 'decode' such a statement as a 'cease fire' instruction, Buhari vehemently refused. In the end, over 800 souls perished. All because he lost a Presidential election he stood no chance of winning in the first place. How can anyone with a functioning brain expect such a man to care about the lives of Nigerians?
Even on religious extremism, intolerance and bigotry, Buhari left no one guessing as he went on making ill-adviced divisive statements.
Most worthy of note is the fact that every single horrible thing Buhari is doing today, he did them 3 decades ago when he ruled with a loaded gun and a suspended Constitution. Please ask question and do some research.
So those filling my ear with faux outrage over the continuation of the Northernization agenda, wetin be una own, biko? What were you expecting?
Quite frankly, Buhari is a mistake no sane person ought to have made.
Sad but true reality and recap, however similar to others, I thought Buhari was a changed being and supported his 2015 bid. I bet you like other humans have made atleast 1 wrong decision before, does that now mean you're subjected to it without allowance for hindsight and change.
We've made a bad choice, an even worse choice by allowing a second term (which I knew better and didn't support), regardless we're still empowered to say enough is enough.
Devops: Stupid. The local taXi drivers should adjust,adapt and improvise. This is the 21st century for God's sake. You can't remain behind when the world is moving in the speed of light in technological advancement. The local taxi drivers should upgrade or move to a more local area. This is an airport for God's sake. That's why we should always learn everyday, keep up with new technologies. Because not learning and upgrading is the smoking of the 21st century.
News/implementations such as this irks me most about Nigeria.
Only in Nigeria is something implemented same day. No consultation, no transition baa nothing, just sense confusing and pain costing rubbish
Secondly, how do they want to identify taxify and co. There is difference between them and private cars/drivers. Just another opportunity for sense nonenties to play king on their duty post and for more chaos in an already chaotic environment
Ginalex: You sure you know it? It comes with a belt. I think it's a UK brand. Please which store in Yaba? Lemme try going them after work tomorrow. Thanks in anticipation Couldn't get in Lagos island... All the stores I entered tried giving me something else
Atmosphere is by Primark and yes it is a UK brand. Might be handy to state both names.in your search, as many are more familiar with Primark
Hello everyone. I have an unusual issue at hand and it's really giving me a headache.
I have a girlfriend I met in August this year when I traveled to my state from Abuja. She's beautiful, a graduate, and she's everything I have ever wished to have in a woman or so I once believed.
I loved her and our relationship was going to lead to marriage.
After we met in August I traveled back to Abuja and a few months later her NYSC call up came. She told me about it and we planned that she will serve in Abuja. I paid one NYSC man to work her posting but unfortunately, she was posted to another Northern state.
On her way to the state where she was posted she stopped over at my place in Abuja on the 3rd of November, That night we had sex without a condom and after the sex, I gave her a pregnancy prevention drug tablet I had collected from a doctor.
She refused to take the drugs not until after much persuasions. The next morning, some thick blood mixed with water started coming out of her and she was also having stomach pains so I called the doctor that gave me the drugs and he said we should come to his hospital.
We got to the hospital and after explaining to him what happened the doctor said she was already pregnant before taking the drugs that's why her body reacted that way to the drugs.
She denied that she's pregnant and eventually she had to undergo a pregnancy scan. The result came out negative but the doctor kept on insisting that she was pregnant and that the reason why the result came out negative is because of the drugs she took and how young the pregnancy is.
She left for home angrily that day and I had to beg her to forget whatever it is that happened.
A few days later she left for NYSC camp in the state where she was posted. After two weeks she started complaining to me that she's been feeling cold, hungry, and sleepy often than she used to.
I told her that it could be because of the change of weather and the approaching harmattan season. While she was in camp I was working for her to be reposted back to Abuja and somehow she didn't want to serve in Abuja again. She wasn't really open to me about that but she was subtly letting me know of her desires.
Finally, her reposting worked out and she came down to Abuja three days ago. Today she told me that she wants to go for a pregnancy test and I obliged and escorted her to another hospital different from the one we previously went to the first time she came to Abuja.
After the test and scan, the result said she's 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant. We went to another hospital and the result came out the same.
Remember that I first had sex with her on the 3rd of November. Tomorrow will make it a month I had sex with her but she's already 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant.
I could not understand why she should be 6 weeks pregnant when it's not been up to 4 weeks I had sex with her. I have asked her to tell me if she slept with someone else earlier before she came to Abuja but she has maintained that she did not.
I have equally asked the two doctors we met today plus a few other doctors I spoke with on the phone if they think that I'm responsible for the pregnancy but their answers are all contradicting.
Now I'm confused. She's in my house, with a child I'm certain does not belong to me. I don't know what to do. I'm really really confused. Please, any mature advice would be gladly appreciated.
Thank you!
The average time between menstrual periods is about 28 days, and ovulation occurs about 14 days before the next period begins. So when we say a woman’s estimated gestational age is six weeks’ LMP, we mean she conceived about four weeks ago, around the time of ovulation.
Mrsabuh1: he is also a nairalander ,if only he can see this post and tell me my offence , im not saying I'm a perfect being but I know for sure that I have not offended him in any ways, as a matter of fact he was the one that had offended , for three years I was in Nigeria ,hubby was cohabiting with another woman untill he they had issues and he beat her up, she lost two tooth and got into a problem.with UAE police , the ugly lady contacted me and she seems to know so much about me , things I shared with my hubby she is aware of everything in my home ,this was part of the reason why we had some crisis in June and also part where I got a job in abj added to it ..I forgave him and moved on . I couldn't ve seized his passport,he told me he was making plans for us to go on a short vacation to UK to make it up to me for the pain he caused me , when the visa came out he said he needed to return to UAe to finish up so business so he can be free to travel and then boom., he went to UK just like that and right now he isnt communicating wit his family .. ok let's assume I did something wrong , what about his children , didnt he consider them at all, what offence did the committed against him for him to turn his back on them like this
From your narrative it's obvious you have been used and lied to right from the inception of your relationship. I won't question why and how you didn't know or if due diligence was taken. What's important is the way forward for you and your children.
For years you have given someone else the reigns of your life, in making decisions that may not necessary have your best interest at core nor carrying you along in this process. NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE ALL THAT CONTROL BACK.
It'd be steep and rough, especially now saddled with 3 children, but it's not impossible and you sound like a smart and switched on person anyway. Get a job, means of income and have a VISION plus a strategy on how you want to achieve this.
Pls don't go finding him or calling him, peradventure he makes a reappearance, pls allow him (just for the sake of the kids) but ONLY ON YOUR TERMS. spell it out and let him know very clearly ACTIONS lead to CONSEQUENCES with limited CHANCES. he flukes, it's STRIKE OUT. Just as with disciplining your kids, follow through on laid out rules. He sounds flaky and will test your waters several times, pls don't let him derail the NEW YOU.
I walked similar path, hubby wasn't even half as bad. Early years of my marriage i allowed hubby reigns of affairs from the african patriarchy POV, and playing the good wife. He's messy, a bit of a no planner and last minute.com. there were tough and expensive lessons learnt and to imagine these were things i managed just well before him.
I use the illustration, you're in a car being driving erratically by a driver, you all are going no where fast. You know it's only a matter of time, the ride was destined for doom, however you're a competent driver yourself, what do you do?
1) ask driver to park 2) you get down so you can live to see another day 3) you negotiate that the only way you're getting back into the car is if you're in the driver's seat, as you're assured you can do a better job of getting you all to your destination.
The choices were clear n non negotiable, hubby had no choice but to come on board as this girl was sure fixed and adamant. Now depending on who's area of strength the task is, the better person is driving and the other reading the map, but together we're in it. This is our approach now and it works well, we're 12 years and counting. 5years was the turning point when i filed for a divorce.
oghale23: Lol! Prior to that statement, I said no one to help him, like to cook, wash his clothes, etc.. and definitely his sexual needs as a married man.
I'm amazed at the very limiting virtues and values you deem a woman has, and the entitlement rights you've awarded men. Obviously even your brain will tell you it's not balanced.
balosammy: This is a funny one, but let’s take a quick shot at it. For a start, Dubai is not a country, but an emirate - one of seven such emirates that make up the actual country, the United Arab Emirates. It’s a common mistake - Dubai as a city punches so far above its weight that many people recognise Dubai but don’t recognise the UAE or the Emirates as the country is also known.
The United Arab Emirates was founded on the 2nd December 1971 as a result of the British withdrawal from its protectorate of what were then known as the ‘Trucial States’, a number of emirates in southeastern Arabia. They were called ‘trucial’, because they had embarked on treaty relations with the British, mostly in 1820 following a thorough bombardment of the coastal communities of the area by a British fleet sailing from Bombay. The bombardment was a subtle way of pointing out the alternative to signing - and not surprisingly, signatures were forthcoming.
Dubai was a sleepy village until 1833, when the Al Maktoum family arrived at the head of a group of the Al Bu Falasah tribe, escaping the Ruler of Abu Dhabi down the coast, with whom they had fallen out mightily. They settled their coastal village with its fort and proceeded to fish for pearls, trade merrily as a coastal entrepot and generally get on with a precarious existence in a very harsh part of the world.
By around 1904, the trading was going pretty well and Dubai was the pre-eminent trading port of the area, consolidating that status when the Persian government taxed its merchants beyond endurance and they responded to overtures from Dubai which invited them to nip across the Gulf and set up their concerns on the shores of Dubai’s lively little creek.
Trading and pearling went hand in hand for a while until the 1920s, when a double whammy of the invention of the cultured pearl by a Japanese bloke called Mikimoto and the Great Depression hit the pearl industry. A rapid decline of the market for the previously prized Gulf pearls ensued and thousands of families were thrown into penury. The traders still traded, however, leading to an imbalance within the community that led to a state close to civil war.
However, Dubai had by now evolved as a thoroughly open and opportunistic trading destination and then, as now, it looked around for new markets and new opportunities. It found them in the form of trading gold across to India, where importing gold was illegal. Gold was brought in from London via Sharjah, where the only airport in the area existed at the time, and shipped across to India, where the Dubai boats were very careful to hove to just off Indian international waters and transfer their cargo to the customers - Indian merchants who would then take the gold across to India. The trade was underwritten by British banks and was just on the right side of smuggling. Dubai was careful to let the Indian customers handle that side of things. That trade helped to finance the building of Dubai’s infrastructure and commercial traffic - particularly re-exporting - grew and grew at a breakneck pace under the visionary leader of the time, Sheikh Rashid Al Maktoum.
By 1969, after all of the Emirates had been looking for oil for decades (Abu Dhabi found it in the 1950s), Dubai discovered oil - a tiny oil field that would be called ‘Fatah’, or ‘Victory’. The oil find, small though it was, helped to accelerate Rashid’s plans and he constructed a deep sea container port, upgraded the airport, built a World Trade Centre - the biggest building in the Middle East in its time - and all manner of other infrastructure designed to propel Dubai onto the world stage as a major trading hub.
His work was carried on by his sons, Maktoum and then, on Maktoum’s death, Mohammed - the current Ruler of Dubai as well as Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates - really hit the gas, accelerating the already fast pace of development and transforming the government of the UAE in a series of far-reaching reforms. Dubai has been shaped into a global city, home to the worlds’ tallest building, busiest airport, leading international airline, largest man made harbour etc etc etc.
I often hear people dismiss Dubai’s achievement as ‘just oil money’. It’s not, not by a long chalk. Oil revenues account today for less than 3% of the city’s GDP.
The answer is, in fact, trade.
A lot of hard work, a bit of fancy footwork, a number of booms and busts weathered and a huge amount of relentless development. Arguably vision and a sharp focus on the future. But trade. Always trade.
My sentiments as well. I visited the UAE evolution musuem, in Khalifa Park, Abu dhabi and was amazed by their transformation. Opportunities, timeline, weather, terrain etc all similar to Nigeria and Nigeria could easily have had similar if not better outcomes. The only difference was the vision of those in whose hands power laid. I am still very sad and traumatised by our clueless Nigeria still is.
frankyskyboi: I started a relationship with a lady in March this year and it's been going on well though she works in Lagos while I'm in the eastern part of the country.
When we were at the introductory part of the relationship, I asked about her family and she told me they are separated. I asked what's the reason for the separation and she said its due to irreconcilable differences and they separated when she was a toddler that it's her dad that raised her up tho she keeps contact occasionally with her mum.
She stays with her aunts in Lagos. I asked if she asked both parents to know why and she said she only asked her dad and he said he doesn't want her mum to be working class and she insisted to be One that he wants her to be a stay at home wife. I asked if she heard from her mum and she said no. She also said her aunts said same thing her dad said.
The reason really didn't go down well with me as it's too flimsy and I've told her to ask her mum and she keeps procrastinating or giving one excuse or the other. It beats my imagination how a grown up adult can't know with conviction why her parents separated or I guess the truth is being hidden.
I'm bringing this up here because my brother married from a separated home and it was war before my parents gave consent. If she can't give me concrete reason why the parents broke up which I'll present before my parents, I really don't know how the relationship can move forward because we detest divorce in our family.
Please I need your advice if I should continue or quit.
It's absolutely no business of yours or your parents to know why her parents are divorced. You're marrying her and not her parents, and I don't think they need you as judge on what's a tenable excuse to divorce or not. I sense a lot of judgemental issues with you, I believe if the girl knows the extent of your judmental character & family interference in people's matters, she has more reasons to worry and flee than you do.
"You detest divorce in your family" get off your high horse mister
musicwriter: The dumbest thing I've ever done in my life was to call myself a christian. Reading some of the comments you can clearly see how religion destroys the brain of its followers. I would have been defending this nonsense by now and suggesting they're wolves in sheep's skin destroying good pastors, when in fact, they're all the same in varying degree.
Among all religions; Christianity and Islam are the two dumbest thing a human being can participate in but it appears Christians are dumber. I pity anybody who call themselves christian.
luminouz: Something discreditable abi? With what? No be PROOF? Or how do you classify something as discreditable... There must be a law against it and you tender proof to nail it.
Like I said, give me PROOFs not dictionary meanings. I don't understand Nigerians sha...why is my point so hard to understand. You conduct SM trial and go haywire on something the BBC aired and it turns out the content don't correlate with the title. Lemme ask again for the last time, was marks for sex offered to registered students or not? If not,then the video should have been titled 'inappropriate office behaviour among lecturers in universities'
As learned as you have, you demonstrate the traits of your roots, as an african and most especially as a Nigerian, the desire to blur the line between right and wrong. And I must admit. It is exhausting even trying to let you and many like you see the light.
Again. BbC is not the court of law and need not proof nada!
Sex for marks, marks for sex, unbridled libidos, BBC can bloody well name their programme whatever they wish! It's their programme, their money, their sweat and their's to do as the wish.
Please stop dancing around the truth, today is sex, tomorrow it'd be money or something rightfully yours passed over you. Stand up for the truth all times, stop sticking your head in the sands and only speaking up when it suits your parables.
luminouz: Wrong!!! An exposé is an uncovering of unlawful acts, with irrefutable PROOFs. Without concrete evidence,what the hell do they hope to gain? Topple an existing vice with conjectures? Seriously? You need PROOF!!! Like mudafvcking irrefutable hardcore,deer-in-the-headlights, red-handed PROOF!!
I agree with modifying the constitution to cover other gray areas that could be exploited by wolves and wolverines alike, both students and lecturers.
Unlawful acts? That's for courts. Which dictionary are you using?
Family › Re: Why I Started Fanny Care by tsmith(f): 10:00pm On Jul 04, 2020
Couldn't get in Lagos island... All the stores I entered tried giving me something else 