₦airaland Forum

luminouz:
Be logical bro...

That's one thing I have against most Nigerian youths,they seem to have lost the capacity to critically look at a case and analyse it logically not spewing emotions everywhere like a wailing banshee.

Based on the evidence shown, did they actually sleep with those students or give them marks for sex? They propositioned the students inappropriately, so its gross misconduct from them,not the other issues BBC raised as headlines.
What would have been a better case is if the undercover reporters are actually registered students and they slept or made the lecturers admit that they will give them marks for sexual favours...the clincher would have been if a video evidence of such admissions were to be aired by BBC....

What y'all reacting to are gross misconduct or inappropriate behaviour from the lecturers and by this huge blunder from BBC,the real student slayers would go aground, restrategize and come back stronger to torment the victims.

A snake and a lion are different animals but you kill them the exact same way...NEVER LEAVE EITHER BREATHING. SO LONG THEY STILL BREATHE, YOU ARE NEVER SAFE.

An expose is uncovering of inappropriateness or misconduct, that's BBC's work done and dusted. It's left to the institutions and judicial systems to a) investigate further, b) discipline appropriately if their constitution has been broken c) rewrite or reform the constitution if required.

If existing constitution only covers students or requires that a sexual act must take place before a law had.been broken. Then obviously they need to reform the constitution to cover even prospective students and any abuse of power and position. It's sex today, it could be money or just favouritism of undeserving students over the ones that's worked hard.

My problem with the African way of thinking is we have a very warped mentality over right and wrong. We simply lack good judgement.

Both institutions should be very ashamed that these individuals associated with them, acted so shamefully on their grounds and within capacities of power.

Look at fifa's undercover stints, regardless of it being undercover, whether an actual match fox takes place or not, it takes actions regardless.

FuckDaMods:
I just don't like this bitch.. She must be a frustrated bitter evening newspaper. So ugly

Your name shows you're mentally unbalanced and typically shouldnt deserve a response. But then again, mental illness is no excuse to troll. So here's your call of shame

[quote author=Toks2008 post=82958470]Olodo..if she was truly brilliant she would have scaled through.


[/quote

Mentality such as this shows you're one of the animals that makes Nigeria the zoo/jungle that it is. It's only animals that excuse or act in animal instincts. Humans exercise something called best judgement and constraints.

Surveyoruzoma:
Some girls are forcing lecturer to have sex with them, for them to get better mark , some many girls go to school half nake , the should learn how to dress properly

Mentality such as this shows you're one of the animals that makes Nigeria the zoo/jungle that it is. It's only animals that excuse or act on "animal" instincts. Humans exercise something called best judgement and constraints.

Muyiwaipere:
The way you dress is the way you are addressed


You can not dress like an innocent and decent girl and a man would be doing that... Fear go catch am sef

So.... Change your mode of dressing and restrict your relationship with them
.gaskia?

Please stop being stereotypical and presumptuous. Even woman in nikkab are harassed, so dressing is absolutely no reason or excuse for sexual harassment. Men, women and everyone should learn to control their actions, regardless of prompters

The office environment to me seems like a testestrone charged environment, mostly men, co-shared accommodation etc. Think Big brother house and know for sure that hormones would be running wild. That still doesn't excuse harassment, she should report the situation and make it publically know. As a last resort get out of the whole situation if nothing is done

TerryMcGinis:
it is well...I'm certain they would all get a life that's deserving, in future try not to find yourself in compromising situations, Godspeed

Well said, I'm definitely older, wiser and more vocal and more in control.

However do note that me saying or thinking maybe I somehow contributed to the compromising situation was thoughts from 14 - 16years ago. Now that I know better, regardless of any situation, no one should be forced into an act they are not ready for; whether male or female, NO should simply mean No, and be acceptable.

Interestingly at the on set of @MeToo i thought back to past relationships and there were 2 that started as rape, and ironically i went ahead to have relationships with them.

Each i was talking too, and could have potentially been great relationships but each time, i wasn't just ready for an intimate relationship but was forced. There was very verbal and clear Nos and struggles, however the predators were relentless and I just gave in after several hours. The bodycount guilt & thought that maybe I put myself in compromising position that allowed for the rapemade me go ahead to try and forge a relationship as the deed which i termed sacred then had been done. Of course they were both scumbags and both relationships were short lived.

Donald3d:

You partially described me when I was little .
Its sometimes common with smart kids .
We are very imaginative that we get lost in our own imagination and forget to do basic things sometimes, and oo we are very playful too.
But no one understands.
Please be patient with him.
As long as he is not dull.

I am married now, and much more organized and disciplined. But I chop beating no be small , let me tell you the truth, those beatings made me more stubborn, and I didnt care, I was just scared.I wanted to do things on my own terms, not anyones.
People like us(especially as kids) do things because we love them, not because we have to do them, so make him love those things, those chores, brushing his teeth, make it fun for him.

Just keep reminding him and correct him with love, he would adjust.
Put him in situations that would force him to be independent, it would help him adjust.

I was just going through my primary and junior secondary school results . The teachers remarks were hilarious

You see things like "Keep it up, Very very brilliant but too playful", "Very brilliant but sometimes forgetful", "Very brilliant but easily gets distracted"

Even my dad then, never stopped hounding me about how much I "lose focus and easily get carried away"

Focus on his strengths while you help him work on his weaknesses.Bond with him very well, and please NEVER EVER compare him with anyone, it makes it worse
jess2019
He would adjust with time

Sending him to Naija is like a suicide mission

This gives me hope as I have an 11 years old lad similar to the poster. His dad too is still kinda disorganised, he calls it organised Chaos but very emotionally stable, intelligent and focused (only in the things he's interested in) so I know where my son gets it from. I only wish the Dad could admit this humble beginnings, so I can relaxed small, rest assured son too will turn out okay.

The word focus, or the lack of it resonates in all of my son's subject and school reports, but he loves his sports and music, more so since they formed a band in school. My grouse is they attend private school here in the UK (our biggest household expense with a lot of cut backs in other areas) I tell my son 'if you're going to play football or music and not put maximum efforts into academics, lets kukuma withdraw you and send you to public school, we could put the fees into a mortgage and gift you that as an adult. Let your sister that wants to benefit from the academics carry on' In all, I must remember to just chill, knowing that he'd be okay. They've been in Nigeria for 8wks, that's 8 weeks of me not picking clothes off the floor, happy days!

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

Welcome to my world, only mine just turned 11 with little improvements. I'd say at about your son's he demonstrated about everything listed here. He even got a mention in his Head teacher's speech during the year valedictory service. The head teacher was saying what he'd about the year 6, and he said 'he'd miss picking E stuffs around the school and bet he'd still be finding his items in the next year'

I have researched, beaten, had him tested for adhd etc, but the result was even though he's on the low end with his dexterity it's not enough to label him with any condition. How was your son's birth? Cs, normal or complicated? Some of my research tilts towards my son's birth, i had prolonge labour (36hrs since water breaking) and he ended been born by forceps. There is research that believes babies born this way are a lil slow and behind. He out of the whole family wears glasses, suffers severe hayfever, failed earring test at birth etc and i believe the prolonged exposure at birth contributed to this. No one taught me to demand selective cs for my second.

Kids currently in Nigeria for the whole summer with grannies n aunties, I'm hoping a lil exposure will give them some back bone.

Good news is they'd improve and come into themselves, just a lil later than others. A lot of intelligent, innovators were like them, dreamers and gazers but i totally understand your concerns as a parent.

Briller:
Did somebody else notice what I saw. Even the girl's steps changed as she came out from that baccha.

Felt so, the girl wasn't walking properly

The poster has done the right thing by recording and sharing. He might be limited in his capacity to personally investigate, but by sharing hopefully someone can follow up. Similiar tot he lady that locked a kid in a dog cage, neighbour knew it was a common occurrence and definitely not right and voila social media to the rescue now the child has been rehomed.

farous:
The sexual life of the marriage of years has been fantastic but started collapsing since 2 to 3 years now

There was an issue that lead to some 5 to 6 months of separation before we re united again and I'm those months of separation both of us messed up by having extra marital affair which we confessed and forgiven each other

But right from the day we reconciled till date, the fantastic sexual life has gone bad as I am the only one that initiates sex till today,unlike those years before the separation either she or I do initiate it and make love on frequent basis,but never the same, she don't even care or have sexual feelings to me again unlike those time

There was a statement she used to make within the fist month we re united most time I made love with her and I quote" All these your small boy love make self.... Bla bla"
The statement do get me annoyed and I warned her never go make such statement again as its an insult to me because over the years we have been living together, you never make such, and now we re united such statements keep voicing out with boldness, she stopped it.

I have sat her down severally and asked her why all these non initiation of sex from her again or feeling to have sex with me anymore the way it used to be, that I am now the one that initiates sex and feels having sex with you and many times u turn me down or giving one complain or the other and even if we lie on the bed you turn your face the other side and all these changes started when we re united after 5 months separation.The only answer she give me was that I don't use to talk romantic sweet words to her. I objected it and told her that if for the past years we have been staying and our sexual life was fantastic and enjoyable, was I not the same person of no romantic sweet words(as you claimed)those years?,how come it's after this little separation and reuniting that all these excuse started manifesting? ,I even went to the extent of asking her to open up with me if I don't satisfy to compare with the ones both of us put hand on during separation,or should I increase even my manhood etc, in fact I was confused, I don't know what to do,but she did not say any further thing

To cut the story short,this weekend, I got annoyed and sat her down that since for close to 3 years now, I am the one that initiates almost 98 percent of love making,and her lack of sexual feelings on me anymore as well as all time facing the other side anytime we lie on bed, that henceforth, that we should be sleeping separately as there is no need sleeping together as husband and wife and no need disturbing her anymore to make love, that I feel I am being rejected and I am forcing myself on her, that I can't continue,sex is enjoyable tru the role and cooperation of feelings from both partners and very boring when it's always one partner making and having the feeling,that I know what I am passing tru, that I have tried and I feel she is getting satisfaction and joy elsewhere and should continue the way as it pleases her.

She said she is not having affairs outside and that God is the one to judge and that if I am no longer interested in the marriage why can't I take her back to his father's house and rightful quit

Please kindly advise, I am fed up for three years is not three months and till date she refuse to tell me the cause of her act. Thank you

Type a long response and lost it. taking out time to comment because I believe you can benefit from another married woman's point of view.

first thing jumping at me from your write up, is someone who only sees things from his views and still caught up in his stoic ways and beliefs, yet expects miracles. You can not mix garri and water and expect jollof. If your desire is a loving and vibrant intimate relation with your wife, then be expected to make changes; which includes and not limited to open mindedness, honest Communication and greater listening skills with follow on action. Be ready to let go of the ego and even your own desires, Communication is a 2 way street, it requires active listening, sometimes ignoring the delivery, but rather keying in on the message and putting action plans to the message. however if your desire is to affirm your positon as a man, then carry on as you're doing and continue to bask in your loveless marriage and blue balls.

I'd give you a few instances that makes me lean to my position above; your woman expresses her desires; the need for romantic words (read up on 5 love languages, your woman's is obviously words). She also expresses her lack of satisfaction in your love making, rather cling on the message and peruse these further, you respond to your ego and affirm your position. In your words; I objected, I sat her down and warned her, I'm annoyed!


I've been married for almost 12 years, and I can tell you that my desires and what blows my mind has changed several times during the cause of the relation and will continue to. Hubby is fine with same thing same way, but I on the other hand is more fluid and expressive of this. If someone expresses a desire for more/less/different rather than see it as an insult or question why now, you should try and understand what, how, where, when etc.


I bet you don't even know if your wife cum s or what makes her cum? Do you engage, both receive and give orals? do you actively seek to ensure she is also satisfied from each lovemaking encounter? This isn't the stone age, women are more in tuned with their body, they know better what gets them over the edge and more daring to express and demand this too. I tell my hubby, If i am going to lie with you, knowing that I'm not going to get anything out of the encounter, I might just as well prostitute myself on the street. The fact that we're married, doesn't change the fact that my body is my body, my desires needs to be considered too.


For men, intimacy is physical, put it in, a few strokes and voila. It might not be the most mind blowing, but often times orgasm in guaranteed. For women, it's more emotional than physical, Love making starts long before the bed. 70% is the build up, the hinting, the sexting, the touches, caring etc. another 25% is pre-intimacy both before and during, actual penetration only contributes 5%. A woman that is not satisfied will not look forward or engage willing in another encounter.


Be ready to be very open minded and even engage in activities that may not be norm to you now, but your wife wants if you desire a lasting and satisfactory relationship. Absolutely nothing should be ruled out until it is tried, tested and mutually agreed. You need to both cultivate a relationship where each other can be openly expressive of their desires without judgement or prejudice. No shutting down, question or wrong assumptions/conclusions. And there is no problem with wanting more, less, change, etc.

And intimacy gadgets, i couldn't recommend them enough, they pick up and finish the job when you can't. Don't be intimidated, it doesn't make you any less a man, what you'd have are 2 very happily satisfied that can't wait for the next encounter with each other.

dundunni01:
Hello parents,

Please, what can I do to help my 5 year old to stop stammering?

I live in Lagos and I seem unable to find a speech therapist around.

I am getting so frustrated.

Thanks so much.

My son was a stammerer too. We used the lidcombe language therapy. Of course we had a therapist guiding and teaching us, but the everyday exercises, encouragement etc was down to me and my son. You can research and see if you can do this by yourself. Happy to chip in and help out.

Ps. He was about 4/5 too and i can he was stammer free in about 6months. He is now 10years old but i can still remember the process etc

Cyberl33t:
Only one nurse so far has suggested this... But since the rest didn't mention it, I didn't take her serious!!

Thanks for this... Is there even a special doctor that handles this situation?

Not sure about specialist, maybe ENT (ears, nose and throat) specialist. It's rather common and not a biggie here, pharmacists are allowed to dispense over the counter remedies. I use fexozanadine 180g which i get on prescription. Also looking into alternative therapies like the use of localised honey (with beeswax still in it). At my worst I've considered acupuncture, surgery. I'd even drink wee and eat poo if I'm assured I'd be totally cured �! I also notice similiar reactions when i eat most fruits... but interestingly it's not all year round; mainly mar - oct.

Cyberl33t:
I have itchy eyes, throat... The itchy skin came just 2 days and disappeared!!

I sneeze often... But am not asthmatic!!

Any thing?

Pronto! Research hayfever allergy and see a doctor telling all your other symptoms. Anitbiotics wouldnt help n will only increase your body's resistance to it, when you might need it later.

Many Nigerians don't grasp allergy, my family go on and on when i take cold drinks etc and blame it for my symptoms, but i know me and have learnt to control ymptoms.

Cyberl33t:
Hello nairalanders, I have been having this chronic catarrh that has refused to go. For over two months now I have spent up-to 15k just buying different catarrh medicine. I have treated malaria/ typhoid but still same problem!!

Its really making me feel uncomfortable... Cos it's the running nose type and my nose gets blocked every night since the last two months!!

Am tired of going to the chemist as they always give me different drugs that don't work!!

Who has experienced such thing before and how did you cure it?
Please help a brother!!

You might be suffering from hay fever/ allergy and not flu. For years i used to have persistent cold and sometimes cough that no flu tabs cured. Until i came to the uk and discovered it was allergy. I'm allergic to pollens and dust. Itsoften seasonal (happens at regular times in the years, mainly spring/summwr). Symptoms occur mainly in the mornings and evenings. I now use antihistamines; it takes 2 weeks to really kick in and alleviate symptoms. Ps. Antihistamines dont cure the allergy, it just helps to manage the symptoms. The only cure is to stay away from what you're allergic to, which is almost impossible, depending on if that's your ailment and what exactly it is you're allergic to. Sorry, get checked and tested. Other symptoms to look out for:

Do you have itchy eyes, throat or hives (ithcy skins)?
Do you sneeze?
Are you also asthmatic?

autojosh:
This African country -  not too long ago - was ravaged by a major civil war.

The war brought the country, most especially its capital city, Kigali, to ruins.

However, the country has revolved to pick itself from the ashes of destruction.

Today, Rwanda is fast becoming a model for many African countries.

Rwanda, under a visionary leadership, has impressively developed its social infrastructure to the extent that it has become a key destination for foreign direct investments.

On the last Saturday in each month, traffic stops and the city comes together to clean the streets of Kigali. Even the President takes part in the exercise.

Non-biodegradable plastic bags have been banned. The government fines persons or business with plastic bags.

Autojosh.com recently paid a visit to Kigali, the capital of Rwanda. While there,  something caught our attention. The network of impressive tarred roads, were all devoid of potholes!

The pothole-free tarred roads in Kigali also features streetlights that are  functional. Well-paved sidewalks further accentuate the pleasant outlook of the roads.

The road networkin Kigali is under the management of the Rwanda Transport Development Agency. The agency is supervised by the Rwanda Ministry of Infrastructure.

Rwanda - a landlocked nation - is highly dependent on road transport. The country has no rail services.

The pump price of PMS (Petrol) is 1,109 Rwanda Franc. That is equivalent of   N470/liter.

Diesel, there, sells for 1005 Rwanda Francs. That is the equivalent of N426/liter.

Rwanda Franc exchanges for 850/870 per Dollar.

Rwanda has a population of about 12,5 million inhabitants.

Paul Kagame is the President of Rwanda.



https://autojosh.com/rwanda-recently-survived-a-major-civil-war-yet-there-are-no-potholes-on-the-tarred-roads-in-kigali-see-photos/

I've also been very impressed by the progress made in Rwanda. I've been opportuned to hear a TED talk about this country's recovery since the war. Without sounding sexist, I believe credit should also go to the women. It's the country with the highest number of women is executive public offices, about 65%. When women are allowed to be in charge, great things happen. Just saying

LaudableXX:
The charges are for foreigners trying to enter Nigeria, with foreign passports and does not apply to Nigerians with Nigerian passports. So what is the problem? A number of other countries charge similar fees for similar purposes, and many Nigerians gladly pay such fees at the entry point of those countries, without any murmuring or complaints. So why is everyone now complaining about NIS doing the same thing, a number of other nations have been doing for the past few years?

I have paid $45 USD for visa on arrival at the entry point of another African country before, and I witnessed many other travellers doing so freely, without any issue. But why is it that when it comes to our own shores, everyone complains without thinking? It is NOT by force to come to Naija, o!

Yes, Some countries charge for visa on arrival, however this was different. Travellers had already paid for visas, the biometric was an additional charge (plus a $20 administration charge), neither were they pre-informed. Only animals in jungle implement changes like we do in Nigeria. Such shambles!!!

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

Your story is deep felt but still redeemable. Yoruba proverb says bi ogiri koshi, alangba koli wo. There must be cracks within a wall that gives lizard access. Meaning there's probably vacuums and gaps in your relationships leading to your wife seeking emotional stimulation external.

I don't think she's physically cheating on you now, though that doesn't mean it couldn't have happened if opportuned or maybe even happened in the past whilst in Nigeria.

Despite your anger, ask yourself sincerely if you can forgive and want the relationship. If you can't, then end it amicably, but if you think it's worth salvaging.... then work on re-igniting your relationship following discussions on forgiving and forgetting.

I also think you haven't totally forgiven your own cheating, and allowing the demons rule your mind making you suspect your wife. It'd be worth when discussing with your wife bringing up the past and owning up to it. You'd be surprised how much healing you both can get from this.

As Nigerians we often make the mistake of thinking provision, money and growth are only remedies of successful marriages... it's more than those. Like a plant, for a marriage to flourish the roots need to be constantly watered; you both are the roots. Not your kid, house, studies, career, possessions or what may. Understand each other's love languages; words, actions, gifts, touch etc and it all. Go on dates, do special things, thoughtful actions, naughty notes etc. If you both are these and more to each other no external distraction would ever ruffle your feathers. Also remember when you forgive you forget, it's not the one that the topic comes up sgain or used as a manipulative tool. Wish you luck from someone in marriage having walked in similar shoes.

XXXwhistleblowe:
I have been puzzled for a while, I remember the time I refused to collect the envelope because I didnt have money but I ended up feeling embarrased because everyone kept staring, when it passed and I didnt put any money. So I wanna know is it a sin to collect the envelope and put it there empty to avoid public embarrassment. Because I don't genuinely have. I'll like thoughtful opinion on this.

Please feel free to return the envelope, you'd ve saving tge environment by recycling paper. God sef will bless you

abelprice:
Now adays children... am not sure she was actually raped.... may be she wanted it and d man saw d sign... am sure she even offered d man Mouth Action... now d man is being blamed... I know what am saying don't judge.....

Stupidity is worrying you. Paedophile alert!!!

She wanted it, gave sign and asked for it and a grown adult that should know better about drawing the age limit alert goes ahead right. To make matters worse he's also married and it's his neice in law. This is wrong drom all angles and that you can rationalise it in anyway is more worrying. In a sane society you'd be picked up dor such utterances. Intent is as much a crime you know

GeneralOjukwu:

Mr Westerner sit down there and be emulating whites.

If she doesn't bear children and cook meals, WTF is she there for? Decoration?

Siddon dia, make Pant dey wear you.

https://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/8191.gif


Learn your entitlements as a man and stop asslicking, niggah

PS - the man should stop smoking for health reasons....for his own sake

Your level of ignorance is unprecedented. You siddon there and let the world be changing right before your eyes. No one, and absolutely no one is entitled to anything without bringing something of equal value to the table. Scales are falling off the nigerian women eyes.... ultimately the men have more to lose. Weak men like you and the man in the topic are very easily dispensible.

Later you'd open your smelly mouth and revolt against white privileges/racism, black man entitlement is worse.

Richy4:
I agree with you but the woman was equally at fault....She knew the man's habit from onset, she cannot come in and demand for someone to change especially a person that doesn't want to...

We all make choices that sometimes turn out not to be good. The brave thing is to retrace steps and start afresh. No one should ever have to be stucked to a bad choice. The woman is the brave one by asking fir a divorce. The man is a sorry case who thinks she has no choice coz of the bollocks he has between his legs. SMH

Richy4:
He told the court that peace would reign between them without separation,

<<<<“If my wife will change her attitude and agree to bear me more children.....
<<<<She will also agree to take proper care of me by cooking my meals ,

Hmmmm!!!!! Nigerian marriage Goodooo .. Talk about entitlement @ it's best..I can just imagined my friends that married white ladies dishing out these conditions....

My thoughts too... imagine the high sense if entitlement? Nothing about what he's bringing to rge equation or that he loves her or what may. A cook, carer, sperm receptor and baby incubator. Nigerian men have seen women finish.

Destined2win:


I think people who say this deceive themselves, there is a joy you have realizing you have your own flesh and blood, a child you can truly call your own.

The one you want to adopt, no be person born am? If everybody is Okay with inability to give birth, where will you see the one you will adopt. Abegiii leave matter

And what makes you generalize and believe everyone must think like you and have procreation as the main objective of their lives? Stop the tunnel vision; there are others who put love and compatibility above procreation. There ar also others who outrightly do no want kids, and so don't even wnat marriage.

Stating that people are deceiving themselves because they don't think like you is very narrow minded.

Onegai:
Someone sent me this:

"#Repost
If and only If we can start taking Marriage vows before Amadioha, Sango and their brethren, many marriages will experience more bliss.

People stand before God and lie because he is very patient with us.

Just imagine that you took a vow before 'Arusi Njaba' that you won't cheat or hit your woman, that you would provide for her, that you won't abuse her in any way; if you go against your vow, its instant judgement.

Most of us will then learn to respect our vows. I would rather that people don't take marital vows serious any longer.

I feel it is mockery and it is no longer funny."

Copyright, Victor Ibeh 2016

I agree. I had a male friend who stopped attending weddings simply because it was a waste of time, to him. He didn't understand husbands' behaviors. He refused be complicit in helping them hide affairs and cheating whilst inviting him over for lunch with their spouse and kids the next day. He got tired of the mockery of marriage. Church wedding has become a joke, I'd rather celebrate Traditional Wedding in my village in front of some wooden deity.

Funny but true. The whole basis and essence of 'African/nigerian' type of marriages been my mind lately! Definitely not based on true love

katyamizotta:
UPDATE:
A year and 5 months later

I am a much happier woman.
Much much happier.
Did anything change?
No.
I and hubby don't talk much. I joined a women's group. That takes care of my need for a close friend.
We are more like roommates.
I have successfully killed off the desire for sex. not that when he needs me, I won't be there. I will be. We are married.
But now I can enthrall him with mind blowing sex while making a new beading pattern in my head.
My child makes me happy.
I am a bad ass cook now.
I got a fashion stylist so I'm close to being a diva.
I got more helps. he refused to pay for their services so I pay. I need to take life easy.
I call everyday, he answers in monosyllables. As long as he is fine and healthy I praise God. I have done my bit for the day.
I have learned to worry less about what he thinks of me and engage my mind in several tasks.
Everyone has an area which is broken. For me its my marriage. But I realise I have a right to be happy.
I am no longer unhappy.

Hope you got the vibs too! Everyone deserves big O, does wonders to your mental and emotional well being.

edidiongmichael:
What Happened To Me On Sunday Service In Church


What's your candid view on this?

Recently I joined a church, I know how to play piano but not really well. The church has a standard pianist that plays literally on every church's event. When they discovered I knew how to play, they gave me the opportunity to be playing at least 2 times a month. Honestly, I didn't see myself as a church worker because I've never been to their meeting before. I only play when they tell me to otherwise I stay at the congregation. Last Sunday, I wore a shirt with a suit trouser and a sandals to church, then I wasn't expected to tuck in my shirt with a sandals. When I got to church, the pastor ordered me out of the church to tuck in before coming inside and instructed the ushers to not let me in until I tucked in my shirt. The church was still on and I got so ashamed and embarrassed. Everybody's eyes were on me during that time.

As confused as I was, I angrily left the church that moment to another nearby church.

Then I started thinking, Do we really have to tuck in our shirts to show how holy we are in church? What do you think had prompted the pastor to order me out? Do Christians have a dressing code? Will I be judged on the final day for letting loose my shirt to church? What's your view on this?

Good thing you took your stand. It's a sheeple mentality when supposed MOGs try to influence people's interpretations and decisions on what and how to be a Christian. In my early days, the church attempted such too. Stating a Christian should be well dressed and in accordance with some bloody nonsense scripture. And what was their interpretation of well dressed? Dressing corporate and not in native. Then I was a banker, in those days of very rigid bankers' dress code of formal suits et al. I wear these monday - Fridays and then they wanted me to wear same.on sunday! Or for evening service, if I'm wearing trousers I wasn't allowed to serve. As a worker in trainer with the RCCG then I challenged this. As the rule was double standards. I was very much aware that across the road at city of david, female users etc wear trousers, not to talk of other RCCG parishes abroad, you see people ministering behind Adeboye in trousers during the festival of life etc. They then came with the model and traditional parish nonsense.

At the end of the day, these mogs have their ulterior and often selfish motives. Its sufficient for them to live by these and continue to fool those that want to be fooled, but as a learned and rationale self thinker; who clearer understands what the bible says you make your decisions. If God isn't happy with it, let him deal with you directly not been told off like a child.

All does advising you, you should have listened or be humble and not proud, they are the classic examples of sheeples. They need a lead goat (mog) to eat grass (the bible, word of God) and then regurgitate this (preach) to them on what to do and not to do. They are too lazy and simple minded to be clear on exactly what the bible says.

I don't blame the mogs as the demand is there, they are simply fulfilling the law of demand and supply. But it's left to you not to a part of the foolly.

Simply put faith, salvation doesn't have a dress code, don't let any blagger tell you otherwise.

Erngie:
The truth is having a good marriage requires your time, you have to try and balance things up, paying bills alone is not enough. You can't be married and still behave like you're single. Above all any marriage that is not standing on the solid rock(CHRIST) will eventually crash, That's the devil's desire.

You were making sense until the very end; ' Above all any marriage that is not standing on the solid rock(CHRIST) will eventually crash,' that's a very ambiguous and yet ignorant statement. There are several HAPPY marriages till death worldwide where neither parties are Christians. Be a Christian but dont be stupid. Baxk up your word with proven facts

edunwablog:
The second edition of fitness and wellness event- the Abuja Colour Blast – billed to create awareness for the public about autism will hold on April 29. The 5km walk through some of the major roads of Abuja is adopted by The Zamarr Institute (TZR) as a charity to lend support to autism awareness and education.

Prince Ulurcha of FitCity Club, said the non-competitive fitness and lifestyle festival will attract Abuja celebrities, families and students to a massive networking event.


The event entails run, walk, skate and bike. The route will begin at Millennium Park, Maitama, pass through Aguiyi-Ironsi Street, Adetokunbo Ademola Crescent all the way to Ahmadu Bello Way and finish at Millennium Park. The participants will register their interest to select any of the three event packages. Over 200 participants featured at the maiden edition held last year.
more at http://www.akelicious.com/2017/04/abuja-to-stage-walk-against-autism.html

It's should be a walk in support of autism or for autism not against it. It's a walk against something when that thing can or should be eradicated. Autism can't be stopped, it's a natural birth occurence. Agree there is need to create awareness and for people to learn how to embrace this.