₦airaland Forum

Hey Mafe,

greatest Osuaite. (now UNADITE).

I graduated from the UNAD (2000) and i know where the OROKU comes from. UNADITEs are doing great things and moving things, so i get your drift. Also i feel your plight, as I know and understand when there is a stumbling block form your dreams.

I make you an offer, i will pay for your ticket and give you 1 year to ay back. if you don't tough luck on you. email me, or send your number so i call you. Only thing is I will pay it myself and will only accept flights offered on Opodo.

have ver few posts my email addy is tucked somewhere in between.

I hope with this you are able to fly and achieve your destined potential.

That looks like TBS (tafawa Balewa Square)

Am sure glad you are better girl!

I rarely comment, but i know you fairly well and greatly admire you! You are doing what I yearn to do, but keep pushing off, ie giving your heart, time etc to others.

A thought also occured to me, that your line of work (the orphanage) might be exposing you to ills of the world. I know how frustrated and moved i get at a sad situation (especially child abuse and neglect) or a situation that fails to work (i.e Nigeria).

I believe in additon to compassion (which you have in leaps and bounds) you need to have be a strong but discerning mind, whereby you are able to put empathy to one side and make balanced decision. Also you need to learn to make your job seperate from your personal life/thinking. Dont carry these thoughts to bed.

You are on a great path to full discovery, as the 1st step is identifing and accepting there is a problem.

You know yourself best and know what solutions will work best for you; ideas are: work less, take a holiday without any baggage that will remind you of your issues or problems, could be your phone, could be to make yourself unavailable to anything or anybody that could add to your worry.  Some time away helps greatly in getting a different perspective to things, you kinda look at it from someone elses angle!

We all are human, while you are saving the world, you have your own issues too, so maybe you should share these more, Like you did on NL (though you didnt delve into much details)and also never put your problems aside in order to resolve someone else's.

A good pamper will do too, albeit momentous - A good meal/outing, doing something fun or new, shopping, treat yourself to that bag, shoe, gold whatever tickles your fancy.

I was down similar roads very recently, but i nipped it in the bud, did some of the suggestions above and i know i aint treading those roads again, as I have successfullly identified what got me there in the first instance and i have save guarded myself so these dont happen again.


Another key one is sometimes we try to fill the vacuum in our hearts with what we think we need, but yet feel so empty, but until we start to fill it with God, who inturn fills our life with the neccessary things! thank God you found him again!!!

Much love, remember, I for one love you, a lot of ppl on NL do and most of all God does.

Just stumbled on the thread and though i should add my 2 cents and also revive the thread!

The theme is an issue I am very passionate about has recently been on my mind. I have been a victim of child abuse, so has my sister, and it has just started to make sense how deeds of the past affect our future, we talking 27 years here.

But back to the topic, the hymen been intact, does not displace the possibility of some form of abuse taking place. Your daugther may have been f*i*n*g*e*r*e*d.

on the flip, mucus secretion is not unusual from a girl child, especially one that is been breast fed. I have a 4 month old baby girl, who still breast feeds and occasionally secretates "mucus" like things. This is a result of the hormones I pass to hr through the breastmilk. You could have a bit of search on the internet to see if this your cicumstances apply, whether or not you are still breastfeeding her. Also, learn to love the internet as there so much information and experience shared on there, that you would be sure to find similar stories. From there you can start to draw a line whether your child has been trully abused or its over sceptism on your part, which you are allowed.

My only advice to you is that until you are 100% sure within yourself that there is no foul play, please do not leave your daugther alone with any suspect until proven innocent.

With the case of your husband, he sure needs therapy. Tough you are in nigeria and such services are not readily available, but i do remember reading somewhr that "consultancy fee is the price you pay for someone to give you the same advice your secretary has given you for free". Where am I getting? You can talk to him and help him through this! Back to why I am so passionate about this topic,

I am past gone the notion that child abuse does not take place in nigeria, as I have been a victim several and repeated times, here i mean by different ppl with some doing it repeatedly!!!

But the notion that has recently changed in me is that we (nigerians) are not mentally affected by it, ie we get on with life without leaving a psychological scar unlike in the westerner world. AS i said i have onl recently had a change of mind of this notion, discovering that we are just as scarred only we may translate this a lil differently from the western world.

I'd give an example of my sister, my mum died some 27years ago, we were pretty young, i was 5 then, my sister 12. Shortly after, my sister got impregnated by the houseboy! very gory and "shameful" sistuation as per nigerian context. I have never spoken about this with my sister nor heard it been discussed in the family since then. What happened to the baby/pregnancy i do not know! but the point is my sister is not married and lived a very troublesome life. Everyone including myself have always heaped the blame at her doorsteps for been the author of her fate, we never for one tried to tie the past with the future!

Your husband might have been a victim of child abuse himself. He may not see himself as a victim, coz in 9ja you hear ppl proudly teling u at 3yrs (etc) the were already using their housegirls. what happens thus is that such ppl, see nothing wrong with it. Their thinking is "afterall it happened to me and i dddnt turn out bad, thus its ok). I beleive been caught is the best thing to have happened to him, as thats is is first step to recovery (provided he wants to) and you and him can walk hand in hand to overcome this demon!

You need to help him, by not casterating him with blame, but rather watching him, listening to him, encouraging etc. You both have to agree to a recovery path, how does he get into this temptation, what leads to it and how can you stop it. Regular sex? Been more adventurous?? Role play Girl you both need to give what it takes to resolve this.

I really do wish you could put a close to the chid abuse matter, ie did it happen or not! you can get a confession outta him, I'm sure you know how to handle him. I'm not for you to leave him coz of the abuse, but rather to ensure it does not happen again. He needs to understand and appreciate thet fact that he cant not be alone with the child until you are 100% sure in your mind that it would not/can not/ or did not happen. This is a grace he can not ask for, but rather you give as at whrn and if you feel he deserves it.

I am not an advocate of marriage of by force or hook or crook, but i feel you when you say it not the right time! I may eventually leave my husband, i hae told him several times. I love him most times but when i hate him i hate him. He knows i am only bading my time. I'm in a society whereby when it does happen no one is gonna look at me somehow, but am the same time, i need to ensure that i am rightly set up and the future is secured, so my girl, while you toil, put ore aside, you are planning an escape route for yourself and daugther if all doesnt work out at the end.

Atleast you will know you tried your best! My heart is with you and i wish you the very besT!

Just stumbled on the thread and though i should add my 2 cents and also revive the thread!

The theme is an issue I am very passionate about has recently been on my mind. I have been a victim of child abuse, so has my sister, and it has just started to make sense how deeds of the past affect our future, we talking 27 years here.

But back to the topic, the hymen been intact, does not displace the possibility of some form of abuse taking place. Your daugther may have been fingered.

on the flip, mucus secretion is not unusual from a girl child, especially one that is been breast fed. I have a 4 month old baby girl, who still breast feeds and occasionally secretates "mucus" like things. This is a result of the hormones I pass to hr through the breastmilk. You could have a bit of search on the internet to see if this your cicumstances apply, whether or not you are still breastfeeding her. Also, learn to love the internet as there so much information and experience shared on there, that you would be sure to find similar stories. From there you can start to draw a line whether your child has been trully abused or its over sceptism on your part, which you are allowed.

My only advice to you is that until you are 100% sure within yourself that there is no foul play, please do not leave your daugther alone with any suspect until proven innocent.

With the case of your husband, he sure needs therapy. Tough you are in nigeria and such services are not readily available, but i do remember reading somewhr that "consultancy fee is the price you pay for someone to give you the same advice your secretary has given you for free". Where am I getting? You can talk to him and help him through this! Back to why I am so passionate about this topic,

I am past gone the notion that child abuse does not take place in nigeria, as I have been a victim several and repeated times, here i mean by different ppl with some doing it repeatedly!!!

But the notion that has recently changed in me is that we (nigerians) are not mentally affected by it, ie we get on with life without leaving a psychological scar unlike in the westerner world. AS i said i have onl recently had a change of mind of this notion, discovering that we are just as scarred only we may translate this a lil differently from the western world.

I'd give an example of my sister, my mum died some 27years ago, we were pretty young, i was 5 then, my sister 12. Shortly after, my sister got impregnated by the houseboy! very gory and "shameful" sistuation as per nigerian context. I have never spoken about this with my sister nor heard it been discussed in the family since then. What happened to the baby/pregnancy i do not know! but the point is my sister is not married and lived a very troublesome life. Everyone including myself have always heaped the blame at her doorsteps for been the author of her fate, we never for one tried to tie the past with the future!

Your husband might have been a victim of child abuse himself. He may not see himself as a victim, coz in 9ja you hear ppl proudly teling u at 3yrs (etc) the were already using their housegirls. what happens thus is that such ppl, see nothing wrong with it. Their thinking is "afterall it happened to me and i dddnt turn out bad, thus its ok). I beleive been caught is the best thing to have happened to him, as thats is is first step to recovery (provided he wants to) and you and him can walk hand in hand to overcome this demon!

You need to help him, by not casterating him with blame, but rather watching him, listening to him, encouraging etc. You both have to agree to a recovery path, how does he get into this temptation, what leads to it and how can you stop it. Regular sex? Been more adventurous?? Role play Girl you both need to give what it takes to resolve this.

I really do wish you could put a close to the chid abuse matter, ie did it happen or not! you can get a confession outta him, I'm sure you know how to handle him. I'm not for you to leave him coz of the abuse, but rather to ensure it does not happen again. He needs to understand and appreciate thet fact that he cant not be alone with the child until you are 100% sure in your mind that it would not/can not/ or did not happen. This is a grace he can not ask for, but rather you give as at whrn and if you feel he deserves it.

I am not an advocate of marriage of by force or hook or crook, but i feel you when you say it not the right time! I may eventually leave my husband, i hae told him several times. I love him most times but when i hate him i hate him. He knows i am only bading my time. I'm in a society whereby when it does happen no one is gonna look at me somehow, but am the same time, i need to ensure that i am rightly set up and the future is secured, so my girl, while you toil, put ore aside, you are planning an escape route for yourself and daugther if all doesnt work out at the end.

Atleast you will know you tried your best! My heart is with you and i wish you the very besT!

@ poster

I so feel you. I am very much in your shoes, a tigher fit i would say!


I just had my 2nd baby, who's 4 months now. My first is still a baby himself, been exactly 2 years, so you can imagine how full my hands are.

To top it up I work contracts, so dont have the luxury of maternity pay/ leave. When you are out you are out.

I had planned to take 3 months out as maternity and start searching for a job locally. Give myself 3 months to search, if no luck spurn my rod further away from home. Out of the blues, when my baby was just about 8 weeks,my last role came up & i got a call from my manager if i was interested. Kinda felt that was lucky me, as it was a local job, "the devil you know been better than the next you dont" and to top it up, negotiated a 25% increase in my daily rate!

So i took on the role and started 10 weeks post natal. My arguments in addition to the above was, in this tight periods of job cuts and expenses cut, there might be limited jobs around and there was no gaurantee that i would get a job locally. also Also, this was an opportunity tha happened for a reason; the gu the employed didnt like the role, they in return dont like him and i felt it was all the Lord's doing and he only just warmed my seat while i went to deliver

Now to answer you question, can mothers have it all, No, atleast not initially, but with time, they can have it all and more. It's all about finding a balance that works for you and letting a lot of stuffs give until you can handle them properly. This is a lesson i have learnt bitterly and very recently.

it looked good on paper, good job, right career direction, Plenty money (i most confess) and my sister is around from Nigeria for 4 months, so baby in good hands and the toddler at nursery 3 times a week to help develop his social skills and so my sister isnt burnt out. A very hands on husband, albeit in his time and at his pace!

But men was i stressed or what!!! For the 1st time in history i understood and believed something trully existed called stress, depression, anxiety etc. Normally i dont give these any face and believe they were imaginary things in the heads of claimed suffers. I nearly had a nervous break down, i was so stressed out! Trying to balance work, with family life, with extra projects here n there and to top it up request from pips wh still think you are the super woman of years gone past! Also myself taking on more than i could handle.

It took me breaking down two weeks ago during my sons birthday to realise

1.) I am not who i used be 5 years ago
2.) I am not Jesus, i cant save the world, i need to save myself first
3.) I had to learn to love and say the word NO
4.) I am my first and most important priority; I had to preserve myself for the sake of the kids.
5.) My kids are the most important in terms of feeding, wellbeing and overall well fare
6.) My husband can take care of himself and still do his bits!
7.) we need to have a stuctures routine in place; bed time, feed time, methods etc
8.) a little pamper goes a long way; holiday (booked), time away from the kids (movies, etc)
9.) Despite the fact that i want to look like a yummy mummy etc there is a time and place for everything. Make up, hair etc takes the back seat for now. Got my hair in dreadlocks, i only need to do a 1 hour tidy up monthly. not even a brush in the morning, saves loads of time u cant imagine.
10.) Cook only at the weekends, the micro wave is everyones best friend

I sell wholesale clothes and I have had loads of partronage from nairalanders. It's been good experience and a wonderful platform for like minds!

Also, a nairalander folarina does most of our travel requirements, though we are based in the UK & his office operates from nigeria. So really all hope isnt lost for straight forward transactions in Nigeria!

@ folaz

yes we would, but at a higher premium, ie 1000 items wls sell for 1500 etc.

also minimum then would be 20 items, but you would be spoilt for choice with the array of clothes available. Send me an email if you are interested soi can give you contact details.

Did i mention SKIRTS! yeah, skirts, all of the season's colors and shapes. Dont miss out reallY!

Hi All,

Glad to say our lot has finally arrived. Sales start tomorrow and is expected to fly within a week.

We have more stock and variety this time around, lots of latest summer designs and accessories. In particular, we have loads of dresses, particular chic evening, prom like gowns, party gowns and day time gowns as well.

I am afraid I am unable to paste pictures due to the vast amount of variety available, and I believe a visit will convince you.

As usual, strictly wholesale, ideally minimum of 100 items in one purchase. Lowere units would be sold but at a higher premium.

For those that patronised us in MAy, contact details and location remains same; for new and prospective buyers, I will send contact details via email to the addresses here on, otherwise feel free to drop me an email to request this.

Also please can you leave your feedback, that keeps the thread alive, helps to convince others and also tells us how we can improve our business and work bettter along side you.

to Ola,

moved from cardiff now in bristol. Do i know you

re some of my comments, no offence meant to anyone, but this is a faceless forum, so i can only paint pictures of each person from their comments, any comment there is just the picture i have painted, not stating a fact!

i hope you get my drift, no apologies for my pictures though, its how each as portrayed him/herself in my opinion, but my opnion doesent really count, does it?

Once heard a sermon abt how much we over think whether we should help or not, rather than allowing God to lead. Questions such as "does he deserve it" what will he do with it" would he appreciate" "is he for real". even the wicked deserve help, it is not for us to judge. We need to sow, whther fertile ground or not!

i believe what goes around comes around, one good help will surely bring another around (to the helpers) and vice versa, should the poster be a scam, it'd surely catch up on him. Some people are drinking panadol for someone else's problem(investigators), save your strength, leave it to God to be CIA n judge.

couple of things i noted,


Am so sorry but Aqua or wateva, leaves a very sour taste in my mouth, God has his way of working, your help was not to be nor be of any good! As pointed out, u r a nasty person to even offer help. what is it with the fool & idiot? i mean what right!

2nd thing, for those thinking there are people worse off that the poster, its only people that cry for help that get help, so its not the posters fault that he is getting a response. even though some other graduates or ppl are seeking jobs on NL, they never said they would take just any job/role/or wage (ie 10k), thus they didnt receive much offers.
Invariably, the poster humbled himself n thereabout is exalted.
ing
At Uju, , from my observation, u sound like a very bitter person, life has definitely knocked some hard blows on you n u think by taking it out on the world it would make you beta, am sorry girl, deal with it & chin up. U fit a profile of a deported benin prostitute! U also sound very myopic,like u dont see beyond your nose, sometimes silence goes a long way. the Joshua jab,

Sure the poster does need improvement with his think n orientation, but i mean who doesnt , we all learn every day, no one is perfect.


@ Aisha et al, keep up the good work. I'm all for charity, in everyway we can, a smile here, a helping hand when your can and and most of all an empathic heart.

Folarina,

Paduzy will contact you re: tour packaging around Europe. You may be interested in a partnership kind of!

Hi all,

Thanks for your patronage. Just to let you know that we have new stuffs coming in May. Please get prepared. Latest summer fashion.

As usual, it's wholesale, ideal minimum purchase of 100 units. We will sell lower units but at higher price. I will keep you up to date as soon as stock arrive.

Thanks

At Iyke - I have a friend that deals in wholesale men clothings, i will give them your contact.

@ the 2 Jummie's, I have emailed you!


@ All


Just to let you know the clothes and accessories are now available for viewing and moving real quick!!!

As stated earlier, the location is Ogba Lagos and you can email me for contact details. I am aware some nairalanders have already patronised us and more are in contact. Please can you leave your positive feedback and suggestions, as this maybe on a monthly/frequent basis.

Thanks,

Topsy

@ FunmyKemmy

Clothes can be viewed and bought in Ogba, Lagos. It's worth a trip down to lAgos. Send me an email and I can give you contact details should you be interested!

Clothes already in Nigeria, just awaiting custom clearance, so should be out by this weekend or latest early next week. Clothes will be located in Ogba.

Prices start from N1000 but the maximum priced item is N1500. Ladies clothes; tops, skirts, jeans, dresses, bags, shoes, belts etc. But all real lovely stuffs and loads of room for profits. Minimum purchase of a 100 items as its strictly wholesale, thus the prices.

Clothes already in Nigeria, just awaiting custom clearance, so should be out by this weekend or latest early next week. Clothes will be located in Ogba.

Prices start from N1000 but the maximum priced item is N1500. Ladies clothes; tops, skirts, jeans, dresses, bags, shoes, belts etc. But all real lovely stuffs and loads of room for profits. Minimum purchase of a 100 items as its strictly wholesale, thus the prices.


email me on topsy_smitie at yahoo dot com and I'd mail you contact details. I cant paste the number here, as its my mom handling the sales

i have tried to reply all with contact details and more info. Some mails went to my spam message, thus the late relpy, please do not hesitate to send an email or call the contact number should you have any more queries. I'm a bit hesistant to post the number here as its my mom handling the sales, but i would send to your by email to anyone really interested.

@ patriciai

email is topsy_smitie at yahoo.com, wld send you an email as well though

@IykeD and All

Ladies' clothing, but ridiculously low prices, loads of room for resale profit!

Hi, I have loads of trendy clothes, shoes, bags & accessories available at wholesale prices coming in from famous UK high street store. Minimum purchase of 100units applies, maximum price for any item is N1,500. You would be amazed at the deal and quality.

It is cash and carry; interested parties can email topsy_smitie@yahoo.com for more info. Goods get to Nigeria by weekend 27th/28th March and expected to fly within days, so don’t miss out!

Hi, I have loads of trendy clothes, shoes, bags & accessories available at wholesale prices coming in from famous UK high street store. Minimum purchase of 100units applies, maximum price for any item is N1,500. You would be amazed at the deal and quality.

It is cash and carry; interested parties can email topsy_smitie@yahoo.com for more info. Goods get to Nigeria by weekend 27th/28th March and expected to fly within days, so don’t miss out!

Hi, I have loads of trendy clothes, shoes, bags & accessories available at wholesale prices coming in from famous UK high street store. Minimum purchase of 100units applies, maximum price for any item is N1,500. You would be amazed at the deal and quality.

It is cash and carry; interested parties can email topsy_smitie@yahoo.com for more info. Goods get to Nigeria by weekend 27th/28th March and expected to fly within days, so don’t miss out!

Hi, I have loads of trendy clothes, shoes, bags & accessories available at wholesale prices coming in from famous UK high street store. Minimum purchase of 100units applies, maximum price for any item is N1,500. You would be amazed at the deal and quality.

It is cash and carry; interested parties can email topsy_smitie@yahoo.com for more info. Goods get to Nigeria by weekend 27th/28th March and expected to fly within days, so don't miss out!

I know who you are, i know who you arw Folarina, I know you know who i am tooo!
Now we meet on nairaland hmmmh!

yeah got one of dem ticket from Alphatravel for my dad! true yarns!

You should do an administrative review, whereby you dont pay another visa fee but your application is reviewed by a more senior case worker. Normally, procedure for the administartvie review would be on your rejection letter!


You need to include the previus statement of the investment, together with the existing one and explain in your cover letter that the investment has been in place in excess of the required 28days. that's hoping its the same ank, sum etc, so u dont complicate your case.

also, pick on the fact that there isnt any outstanding fees& explain the fess + discount, showing the letter from the school the discount & fees paid in full.

Have a very comprehensive cover letter, ridicule the fact that the previous case worker overlooked facts given to him 9making thrm look stupid & ineffective). Your letter needs to demostarte you know your rights & what u r doing. Dont beg, as you are doing the UK a favour as well. Your initial problem arose as i guess u didnt have a cover letter on your prv applications.

Visa problems like this occur, coz ppl just fill i the forms & include loads of proof withput a cover letter, explaining each proof and demostrating how you meet all requirements. I hoep this a lesson learnt, it'd help a lot in the future.
PS. should you require help or proof reading witht he cover letter, I'm glad to do this for you. I have successfully written letters for application reassement with positive results. But u need to do the draft yourself, as u know all your gist (details)

tough luck guys, would rather sell on ebay 4 £250. thanks 4 d offers!

@ceejays80s

Actually looking at higher offers, in the region of 100k ONO

I have a new nokia N97mini for sale. Unlocked & unopened box. Offers please. Located in the UK, but can send to nigeria easily!

health care is free in the UK to residents. So your GP/midwife is your 1st point of call. if you are visiting or have no access to health care, then you may want to visit BUPA, search for the nearest BUPA clinic to you

Wheel alignment and Wheel Balancing are two totally different things, but many people often get them confused. In a nutshell, wheel alignment consists of adjusting the angles of the wheels so that they are perpendicular to the ground and parallel to each other. The purpose of these adjustments is maximum tire life and a vehicle that tracks straight and true when driving along a straight and level road. Wheel Balancing, on the other hand allows the tires and wheels to spin without causing any vibrations. This is accomplished by checking for any heavy spots on the wheel-tire combination and compensating for it by placing a measured lead weight on the opposite site of the wheel from where the heavy spot is.

The symptoms of a car that is out of alignment are:

Uneven or rapid tire wear
Pulling or drifting away from a straight line
Wandering on a straight level road
Spokes of the steering wheel off to one side while driving on a straight and level road.
The symptoms of a wheel that is out of balance are:

Vibration in the steering wheel at certain highway speeds.
Vibration in the seat or floorboard at certain highway speeds.
Scalloped or cupped wear pattern on the tires


ref:

http://www.familycar.com/carcare/AlignmentBalance.htm