₦airaland Forum

waffistyle:
1 Timothy 3:2
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; (and of course, I submit to you that every Man is the bishop of his home )

what does this statement imply?, i did not say the bible encourages polygamy,my argument is that it was not categorically stated, that men must marry one wife, 1 Timothy 3.2, is encouraging monogamy, but has not said polygamy is a sin!! , in the beginning God created Adam, and he gave him only one wife Eve, but in the bible after Genesis, there were cases of Men marrying more than one wife.there is no account to my knowledge in the bible were a woman married more than one husband at the same time, it is the situation that makes these things happen, when there is scarcity of men or other abnomalities, i am in the office right now, if i get home to my bible i would quote some verses for you to look at,
right now in our society there is scarcity of men, there seems to be more women ready for marriage than men available to marry them, problems like this is what gives rise to polygamy

First of all, 1Tim3:2 is NOT encouraging polygamy, it is commanding it -- notice the word MUST

Think differently a little bit my friend. Some of the scriptures i've quoted above imply that a man should have ONE wife -- the man shall cleave to his wife, not wives.

But let's just use this logic: God says adultery is SIN. How can adultery exist outside of polygamy?? Remember the way Jesus defines adultery in the bible is "looking at a woman to lust after her". Therefore just the idea of a married man running after another woman, whether married or not, to make her his wife is SIN. If adultery is sin, polygamy is therefore SIN -- remember, we're talking under the new testament dispensation, NOT the old testament because a lot of things changed with the advent of Jesus' death and ressurection

I won't bother responding to all that poppy cock about there being a scarcity of men and all that what not because it's all in your head. Statistics prove otherwise. Besides, it's not your business (or that of any married man) to "help out" females looking for husbands by marrying more wives . That's just plain rubbish and is a lame excuse for polygamy and adultery.

From God's standpoint, ANYONE who commits adultery, whether male or female, should be ashamed and will be ashamed when they stand before God, if they don't repent. The fact that you believe otherwise is totally insignificant and in no way excuses polygamy. Besides, you haven't answered my question as to why God's commandment not to commit adultery is not directed to men only or to women only. If truly adultery is a man thing, why would God give a universal command on that matter? Only sexually perverse people (both male and female) look for excuses to practice polygamy or commit adultery or have multiple sex partners.

But at the end of the day, I guess everyone is entitled to his own views

For a while my dream car was the 2006 Honda Accord -- until I bought it, drove it for about ten months and then stopped liking it . I still have it though, and it still runs smoothly. But I now have my eye on the 2007 Rav4. That car's a looker

Inform her husband and ask him to kindly pass on the message to his wife. He might be more than happy to oblige you. But in the mean time, prepare to have your head axed

Hmmm, sweetlove, you've said a lot of fluffy stuff here with virtually NO substance I challenge you to put out here your so-called "MASSIVE ARSENAL of techniques, methods, and shortcuts for every situation you will ever find yourself in with a woman" and let the women in the house evaluate and give you feedback

Inform her husband and ask him to kindly pass on the message to his wife. He might be more than happy to oblige you. But in the mean time, prepare to have your head axed 

waffistyle:
Yes it is a man thing, it boosts their ego, that is why they talk about it proudly among themselves, ,

I still insist it is NOT a man thing. What then will you say of women who commit adultery? is it to boost their ego?? Afterall you've just cited the woman who committed adultery. She was married to another man (and that's why it's called adultery, not fornication).

waffistyle:
yes right now the polygamous nature is fading day by day though, but it is still there,,,men now respect their wifes more, so are more discreet in the act,

I don't understand this line of thinking . In what way is a man (or woman) respecting their spouse by cheating?? Is it by being discrete?? Does that change anything??. Anyway I guess you're entitled to your won opinion  .

waffistyle:
please there is no where in the bible men were instructed categorically to marry only one wife, and if they don't they ve sinned,

Obviously, you're ignorant of biblical truths, so let me draw your attention to some passages of scripture.

Ephesians 5:31
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two (not three or four or five) shall be one flesh.

Notice the words "wife" and "two" imply one man, one wife 

Ephesians 5:33
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife (not wives  ) even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

1 Timothy 3:2
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; (and of course, I submit to you that every Man is the bishop of his home )

Study the bible for yourself and you'll see that the New Testament Church has NEVER once condoned polygamy. It's adultery, plain and simple, and that makes it a SIN.

waffistyle:
if you read through John8, in the bible, it was only the woman that was brought forward to Jesus, that she committed adultery, did she "do" her self, i believe she committed it with a man, why did they not bring the man also to Christ for purnishment?, FOOD FOR THOUGHT

That is definitely NOT food for thought  . Dig into bible history and you'll find that the reason the man was never brought before Christ is because he ran away from the scene of the crime. God's command to not commit adultery is not meant for WOMEN alone, it's for everyone  . So God is not going to excuse the man who commits adultery and punish the woman. All adulterers (both male and female) will stand in judgement before God, plain and simple  . Infact the mere fact that God commands us not to commit adultery demonstrates that adultery is NOT a man thing, otherwise God will be unfair to make a command like that, or he would simply have directed his commandment to the womenfolk only. 

waffistyle:
when a man gets a woman, either as a girl-friend or Wife,he feels like he has conquered, there is this victorious feeling, that makes him feel like a real man.he could even boast to his friends, when they meet, how he conquered the new girl, the crude mentality is the more you conquer the more manly you are, WHY ARE NATIONS CALLED WOMEN AS IN "HER", OR "SHE"?, FOOD FOR THOUGHT

First of all, I'm glad you described the mentality of "the more you conquer the more manly you are" as crude because that's exactly what it is. 

Anyway the issue here is whether or not adultery is a MAN thing and I don't see how this your last post fits in. The fact that a man feels happy or victorious about finding the woman of his dreams does not automatically mean he's prone to adultery. Women too feel victorious about finding the man of their dreams and they too could even boast to their friends. Have you ever been around women (especially those who are proud of their men) and heard them talk about the men in their lives  Obviously not.

It's only a man who is wayward that will hold the mentality that the more he conquers, the more manly he is. This applies to women too who believe in using what they have to get what they want from men (you get my drift??). Such women too believe that the more men they "conquer" the more powerful they are. That's equally crude, but my point here is that it doesn't apply to men only. It's a mind set among people who are just simply sexually perverse 

Your last question about why nations are called "her" doesn't make sense to me. Can you please elaborate 

SAM MILLA:
there is nothing too bad in being jealous, God himself is jealous,

Hmmm it depends on the type of jealousy oh . Of course I agree that there's nothing too bad in being jealous, I myself won't stand around and act like everything is ok if I see my man doing something untoward with any woman 

However when it comes down to it, jealousy pass jealousy. If my man begins to monitor my every conversation with the opposite sex and ask me one-and-a-half million questions _{ok i was exaggerating a little} each time he sees me chatting with another guy, then i'll probably start to choke _{and might eventually run away from home}. At least he should exhibit a little trust in me now 

@ Topic:

If he truly monitors your every conversation with the opposite sex, then I think he's insecure. It might probably be due to a previous experience (perhaps a previous heart break) or he's just basically that way. If you can handle it, then assure him from time to time of your love for and commitment to him, and make sure you demonstrate that too by making time for him and giving him priority in all things  .  However, if it's one of those cases of chronic insecurity, I'll say you should run for your life 'because a guy like that will stalk the hell out of you if you marry him _{and probably choke you to death as well}

izoneb:
What decent man won't want to protect his family from something that could potentially break it up??

Quote

This is exactly what you wrote.
That's why I don't like arguments because your point already contradicts itself.

I don't see how my point contradicts itself. You said that a man would expose his family to another woman and not think it a big deal, And I say NO decent man would do that -- just as no decent woman will do that either.

Again I say, NO ONE who cheats (whether man or woman) thinks of the consequences otherwise there would be no cheating. Infact, no one who commits anything criminal thinks of the consequences as much as they think about how to cover up what they've done -- it's not exclusive to men 

izoneb:
The woman who slept with several men in the Bible was termed a harlot but those men with concubines were not given names.

Now you're just getting my point! She slept with several men   Isn't it men who sleep with several women that you refer to as dogs?? And i'm saying that it is not exclusive to men, it's not a man thing -- it's something that depends on the individual and their moral standards or beliefs  . I dare say  that women cheat as much as men, but like you said, it's not something they talk about (for whatever reason). Afterall, think about it na, who are the men cheating with?? They're definitely cheating with other women, whether married, single, engaged to be married etc, unless of course they're gay   . It takes two to tango

Biblical times were different. God allowed men to have more than one wife back in the old testament. But then later on in the new testament, he commanded men to have only one wife and also called adultery a sin. He also commanded women to have only one husband. So under the new testament dispensation, a man with more than one wife or with concubines will definitely have names _{**and not good ones, at that**}

I rest my case here my dear.

I think most men are faithful, at least most of the ones I know. Isn't it funny how many complaints one hears about being faithful Men complain about women not being faithful and then women complain about men not being faithful.

YOU say:

Most men don't think of the effect of cheating when they do so they always think they can get away with it

I think this applies to EVERYONE who cheats, and not just to the men. If everyone who cheats thinks about the consequences before doing so, then there will be no cheating  

On a different note though, I think i'm more worried about the fact that you hold the opinions you do about men, than I am about this topic. As a married woman, if I believe that men are dogs and cheats, I will never be able to trust my husband and will probably be suspcious of his every move. This will be mortifying! How can anyone (man or woman) hold these views about the opposite sex and yet live happily with their spouse?

izoneb:
Some truths must be told.When a married man exposes his "family" to another woman its not much of a big deal to him.

This is truth I think NOT. Anyway I guess we "live" in different worlds, or perhaps your opinions have been informed by your life's experiences. But where I live, there's not a whole lot of difference statistically between the numbers of married men and women who cheat -- married men cheating with married women, married women cheating with single men, etc. But the bottomline is that it depends on the person and their moral standards or beliefs. We cannot generalize and say that men are dogs. If that's the case then God will be unjust to make a sin out of adultery, afterall it is in man's nature to cheat, and God made man, right?? . I don't believe it's a question of women taking pride in their bodies while men don't. You say you have a wonderful and respectable husband right? Do you honestly believe that he will not count it as a big deal to expose his family to another woman?? that'll be insane. What decent man won't want to protect his family from something that could potentially break it up??

neelsel:
Another factor worthy of note, is that far too many times, guys tend to misrepresent beauty with arrogance. One fine example is Mr. Kanye West,

Oh and I thought I was the only one with this impression. I watched Kanye West interview with Oprah and despite all the fine facial features and talent, I went away with a very disturbing _{in a really bad way} impression of him! Pride can sure make things look ugly pretty quickly

Anyway back to topic: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and for most of us, includes character as well

edygirl:
If she keeps coming like a common decimal, you fractionalize her.

LOL

Dalby:
@WindyWendy
Its a guy thing, there are those that have raging hormones and it goes beyond working on your self control. It is subconscious. The hormone adrenalin for fight, flight and fright how do you control it to be calm in the face of danger

In that case he's better off staying away from dem ladies But then I really feel sorry for whoever becomes the wifey 'cos there's no way he won't come into contact with ladies Or perhaps he'll hook up with a female with raging hormones that go beyond self control and they'll live happily ever after

ekunit:
well i guess my status is PROMISED

And perhaps we can add that to the POLL options above

Well said Seun. If he doesn't deal with this anger problem, it'll surely put him in trouble someday becos there's no way it won't get fueled at some point, even if the rude girl goes out of the picture -- unless of course he meets a perfect person. And i'll say the chances of that happening is NIL

waffistyle:
don't think men think the way women do o please, a man can marry 10 women, he is a strong man, or polygamous, a woman sleeping with 10 men, is practising prostitution, and is looked down on. many men are still polygamous in behavior, they only marry one these days, but there are always some concubines, or mistresses somehow, at sometime, in the marriage, 
A man wants power, authority, a woman wants respect and dignity,
na small Man take better pass dog, take it or leave it, 

I LEAVE IT!!! THIS IS NOT TRUTH  Your idea is totally warped  Power and authority does not necessarily translate into promiscuity and sexual perversion, unless that's the way you see the world. I have a wonderful and respectable husband, and so do many many women out there, who does not have concubines, mistresses, etc. And there are many men out there who are NOT in anyway like dogs. They are human, respectable and decent, and at the same time powerful and authoritative!! Your idea is totally, totally twisted and bent out of shape 

StingRay, I'm glad you appreciate the advice, and I'm even happier that you've decided to pray about it. I'll pray with you too. I can imagine how you're hurting and I suspect too that your wife must have picked up on the fact that something isn't right -- women are very perceptive you know. 

Anyway, in dealing with the issue, please try as much as possible to protect your family from any unpleasant consequencies. Remember that your wife is also the mother of your kids and the last thing you want is for whatever consequencies that might fall out of this to get to your kids and cause them to begin to see their mom as anything less than dignified -- it'll scar them for a really long time. So please stand by her and help her through this time of trial and keep  your kids out of the know as much as possible. I pray you guys come out of it stronger and more committed to each other.

I'm very much interested in this topic, so please update us as things improve.

God bless!

Na wa oh

Sweetlove, you confuse me. Are you male or female The gender ID in front of your name says "m", meaning male. After you clear up this confusion, then i'll respond

YEP, I agree with Coco29. Buy a book and read  . Also, you could get an ovulation monitor and follow the instructions on the pack 

sweetlove:
Is Love really Blind?.

NO!! Love is,

patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails,

and love aint blind either

Kave:
No Friends, Scared To Make Friends

Hey, Girls and boys, Give me your views please.

My girl has been in jos for 5yrs now while am in lagos.I really find it difficult to make new friends - girls.Because i promised my girl never To put another girl in her place.Let me explain. Am a kind of guy every girl would like to be hers.So i avoid them as much as possible.So right now its as if i don't even hav a girl friend.That because i don't want to cheat. Do u think this is right?

Hmm Kave, I'm going to give my own opinion, which may be quite unconventional. Just from reading your post, I have concluded that you enjoy female attention and therefore don't trust yourself with them. Before you strangle me  , hear me out. First you say you have no friends simply because you don't have any female friends If you have male friends, then you have friends . From where I stand (or rather, sit), it seems to me that you equate having friends with having female friends. That to me screams "I love female attention".

Second you're saying that you're the kind of guy that every girl would want to have  Now aint that just funny. Listen, don't take this personal dear, but you need to realize that a guy that thinks that every girl wants him is just full of himself and enjoys female attention.

The way I see it, your problem is not to avoid females altogether -- that would be impossible because you can't do that on a sustainable basis. You'll always have to deal with females and might have to be friendly toward them in one way or another (whether at work, as classmates, etc). You need to first get that ridiculous thought about every girl wanting you out of your head  and then work on being able to maintain strictly platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Having your girlfriends pix everywhere doesn't quite cut this one.

I'm more worried about the fact that you're saying that you don't have any female friends because you don't want to cheat. Must having female friends equal cheating That sounds to me like someone who's out of control . So the problem is definitely deeper than not wanting to bring someone inbtw you and your girlfriend. You need to work on your self control man.

sweetlove:
My best friend has cheated on her husband with over five different guys (that I know of)? What should I do?

Nothing!!! It's none of your business

OK StingRay, first off, I would say DO NOT LET THE COUSIN INTO YOUR HOUSE! It's your responsibility to protect your family so don't let anyone come in and crash things down for you.

Secondly, you should discuss the issue with your wife. I think this is the tricky part because she might think you've been spying on her. So you should use a lot of wisdom in bringing up the issue. Perhaps you can take her out and just get talking about stuff that interests her. Then you can tell her that you've been thinking about ways to improve on your relationship and that you take your responsibility to protect her very seriously, etc etc you know, something really romantic. Then you can nicely bring up the subject and let her know that you were not snooping   Whatever she says, please don't loose your temper. Tell her calmly how you really feel about the whole thing and that you would like her to stay away from the so-called cousin until you're able to deal with the issues.

After you've discussed with your wife it's time to take on that lousy cousin. Are there any very well respected persons in your wife's extended family that you can show the email and express your concerns to? If yes, I'll advise you take that route. Let these respected persons know what has been happening and perhaps they can talk to your wife's cousin. Then talk to the cousin -- I mean, back him up against the wall and warn the hell out of him. If he ever as much as contact your wife again, he's a goner!!   OK that was rough, but desperate times call for desperate measures my brother.

With all that has happened, I'll dare say it's time for complete openness between you and your wife. You both need to have full access to each other's emails and all that. She needs to rebuild the trust between the two of you and perhaps you can help her in this regard.

Lastly, if I were in your shoes I'll be asking myself right now what would drive my wife to get emotional with her cousin. Is there a void that you're not filling, thereby leaving her vulnerable? My suggestion: commit to working on your relationship with her and seriously improving communication. At least once a week, turn off the TV, the computer and get the kids out of the way. Then you both look each other dead in the eye and talk. Ask her what you can do to make her the happiest wife on earth   . Encourage her to talk about what's going on on the inside of her mind -- her dreams, fears, likes, dislikes, etc. And when she tells you what she thinks is lacking in your relationship, commit yourself to make improvements and periodically ask her how you guys are doing. She too should be ready to do whatever it takes to make you the happiest husband on earth   .

Bottomline: be patient with her. She might be consumed with guilt and shame initially but please don't make her feel rejected, as this will only push her further away. Are you a christian? Then pray, pray, pray. Only God can successfully protect your family from all the evil forces that break families apart.

Best of luck man, and pls let us know if any of our advice does anything positive for you.

jimmy74:
The point I am trying to make here is that, it si very important to respect the feelings of a woman by looking at issues from their own perspective too before taking a descsion. Never allow your self ego to misdirect you. Wish U a healthy relationship with your wife

Good word Jimmy74

Olumide7, when you do get into a relationship or get married, try out your style. If it works, good for you. If not, then try out the "wiser" way. But honestly, if you want to be a happy man and have a fulfilling relationship, you need to always take the feelings of your partner into consideration and respect them. It's not about getting married to a man, it's about getting married to a PERSON with feeling, expectations and all that  . Anyway, you're still young (I looked at your profile). With time you'll get wiser -- hopefully you won't have to experience too many unpleasant relationships before that happens

Hmmm I wonder why it seems to me that most people who have replied to this thread are assuming that a prostitute automatically refers to a female.

There are male prostitutes, both those who do it for free and those who do it for money. What would you all say about a guy who sleeps around indiscriminately with various women? That in my view is also prostitution. Will any woman marry such a guy?

Personally, I won't, but that's just my preference sha.

It'll be intriguing to know how many of the guys that have sworn here that they can never marry a prostitute actually have several sex partners

I agree with GNature on the statement he made about dads and their first born daughters.

On the part of moms being close to their sons, I think the reason most moms are attached to their sons is because the sons are usually more eager to please the mom than are the daughters -- for instance, you're less likely to hear a mom and her son quarelling in the mall about what clothes to buy for back-to-school. The boys are usually more obliging than the girls  . And of course when the little boy becomes a big strong man, he is very protective of his mom, moreso than is the daughter 

But then at some point later in life, I think moms and daughters could develop a special bond that beats that of the moms and sons -- I should know, I developed the same with my mom after I got married and moved out  Now we call eachother often and spend hours just gisting and laughing, while my brothers only call her occassionally 

Hmmm, i won't say don't go ahead with the relationship. But for real, incompartibility on an intellectual level can put quite a strain on any relationship, especially if your ways of thinking are vastly different. Right now, those differences might not be noticeable because of the flurry and excitement of falling in love. But when things settle into a more normal routine, the differences can become a problem unless they're handled in a matured way.

Of course being that it's you, the guy, who's less educated, there might also be a tendency for you to develop a complex over time. You might begin to misinterprete some of her actions as being proud because she's more educated than you are. this in turn might lead to her becoming uncomfortable with you and with time she might begin to prefer hanging out with people of like minds or in circles where she feels more comfortable, and this inturn might make you feel insecure, and lead to a host of other problems that are best avoided (you get my drift ??)

So the bottomline is: discuss all of these issues thoroughly before you commit. Get to know her social circle and see if you can fit in comfortably. Talk to her and get her views on any issues bugging you and then based on your assessment, determine if it's worth going ahead with. That's your homework

Goodluck man!!

Men are dogs I disagree strongly.

You're married right? If yes, are you admitting that your hubby is a dog?? Again if yes, why would anyone in her right mind marry a dog?? sounds bizzare to me

_{I can imagine you're going to tell me AGAIN that i'm living in a world of my own. But bring it on, it's all good}

Actually I sincerely hope he does change because as the head of the family, he's the number 1 change agent in his family. If there has to be change, it has to start with him. I do research the bible a lot and one thing I've discovered is that when God appointed man as the head of the family, he meant it in the sense of man being responsible for upholding God's will for the family. Infact (at the risk of sounding preachy), the literal meaning of the original greek word that was translated "head" is "the one who's readily held responsible". God is not wasteful and therefore does not give authority without commensurate responsibility. Even man is smart enough to know that authority without commensurate responsibility will result in abuse of power, talkless of God.

Oracle:
So you're single online, i hope you never get an online marriage

Hmmm, Oracle you dey find Bobbie Mae trouble?? Abeg don't come crying when yawa burst oh