₦airaland Forum

Marriage is challenging to everybody regardless of status. @OP thinks high-status career women are prone to have marriage challenges due to the attention the media (electronic and print) gives to stories of this nature. The rate at which high status people divorce is similar to the rate regular people do. Visit a local Magistrate and see for urself.

This kind of situation is usually inevitable when 2 or more bachelors cohabitate with girlfriends under the same roof. if its not house chores, it will be cooking, who finishes whatever, or just rivalry among the ladies. You have no other option than to live with the new living arrangement and hope for a better relationship as time go on.

Firstly, he's just bittered that your assistance he counted on wasn't there. I feel his pain. Anybody in his shoes will be bittered. As for his actions, it's quite extreme. But just calm the heck down. If he's ur husband you'll surely marry him. @OP, you need to ask urself a simple question. Can you deal with this kind of man if he truly mean his words? Most time y'all ladies get carried away by the thought of being married without continuously looking out for urself.
Secondly, you're panicking cos he stopped talking to you? If he breaks up with you that means you're going to faint.
Just calm the 4k down

-Eating and leaving the plate on the sink, giving excuses of how washing plate isn't ur favorite thing to do.
-Using my roll-on and still lying you didn't, meanwhile my sensitive armpit is giving me signs you did.
-Using my expensive perfume like you are using a 2K bodyspray
-Telling ur host you can't eat rice claiming you're tired of rice. Sorry, I'm cooking rice.
-Using my bath sponge without asking if you can
-You take my house rules/correction as being boastful or being a freak.

FortuneTeller:
Is a degree valuable in Nigeria at this time? Having a degree does not make most educated. Which degree did Aisha and Buhari get? Also what if your wife cannot tolerate your sibling? Do you want her to suffer a smile? It may seem like a list of only five things but what you are seeking does not leave room for error. Almost everyone I know who made a list for love ended up very disappointed.

That explains the reason why Buhari said his wife role is restricted to the kitchen, the living room and the other room. I don't want that kind of wife. My wife must ready to be part of all aspect of my ventures.
I never said she must smile by force to my siblings. Diplomacy is what brought peace to this complicated world. As a matter of fact, I'll do everything to protect my wife from any unpleasant in-law relationships.

dechar:
enough my brother

Totally disagree. I guess we're in a different school of thought.

FortuneTeller:
These lists are becoming too much. You need a robot.

Sista FortuneTeller, Haba. 5 qualities is too much? I guess that explain why I'm not married.

dechar:
dream wife: ogbeni do you have money for all this quality if not dream on

What has money got to do with this?

jaksabbey:
God will grant ur wish

Amen and Thanks for ur prayer

Everyone around me seems to be asking the typical question "When are you getting married" and I answer them by saying "Remember me in ur prayers". Most of them will follow up saying "You aren't a serious guy". But whenever conversation gets deep and I reveal to them that I haven't meet a lady worthy to be my wife, I get laughed at or blamed that my standards may be unreasonable. Well, you can be the judge. Here are the qualities I will like to see in future wife, but it's not limited to those only.

The paramount quality I wish for in my future wife is the "Homemaking skills". I believe the role of a wife is the "Administrative officer" of a home. So, to understand the role of an Administrator you can easily ask " google"
What is an homemaking skill? Many people who took any Home-economics class will have idea of what I'm talking about. Homemaking skills includes bt not limited the following:

-Cleaning of the house and Environ: I won't call myself an "OCD" but I like to live in a clean environment. I want a woman who can ensure the house and its surrounding is well kept and organise. She doesn't have to be the designated cleaner, it can be both of us, me as the man/husband, the kids, house maid (if there's need for one), or everybody in the house been assigned a daily/weekly routines.
-Feeding: Yes, it is very important. I will like a balanced and healthy diet to be served in my house 24/7. I want a lady who's very creative in the kitchen and can draft an interesting meal plan for the home. Just for ur info, I regard noodles as a bad food.
-Relationship: It is essential for a good wife to have or develop a good social and diplomacy skills. You have to understand humans are humans. You need to creatively deal and tolerate neighbours, friends and families.
-Exposure: I believe you have a degree, and you've truly passed through the university system. I don't expect you to everything in the world but please always acknowledge what you don't know and be ready to learn if it's need. Do not argue or speak authoritatively on what you know nothing about.
-Selfcontrol: Please, I will like you to have good understanding of life. We need to manage our successes and crises. I believe life is like a roller coaster, we will go up and while we're up we should be ready for the next challenges . When the challenge comes, let's us understand its a challenge and not a lasting condition.

I will like to know what you fellow Nairalanders think; Please share ur thoughts.

Adegbenro7643:
Pls NLers, what does it really mean when your girlfriend says she can never trust u? "I am not a fool", she included.
Especially when you think she's all that you've got.
I'm just too worried. Now, the worries are making me feel too jealous,,,,thinking she's been/is cheating on me. I look forward to reading truthful & helpful comments.

Thanks

@OP It means she has a plan B or you're obviously the plan B and someone somewhere is the plan A.

MostHated:
Actually, its about the number of marriageable males. More males are given birth to, but as they grow up, the fatality rate is higher amongst males for obvious reasons, so the number of marriageable ladies are more while we have more male kids...even amongst the lesser marriageable males, many do not want to marry because of the economic situation. Try browsing an analysis of Nigeria's population by ages of each gender and how many they are, and you'll see the cause of the problem.

P.S take note of the percentage of males to females in the age region of 20-39.

I disagree with your statistics, where did you get this from? I think the ratio of Nigerian women to men currently will be around 60:40.

This is an example of complexities that results from the substitute of our local fine wine with the imported ones. Agree or disagree, religion (christianity/Islam) and Westernisation were imported into our communities. Gradually, we replaced the traditions of our organised civil communities with these foreign ideas and unfortunately these foreign ideas couldn't be fully practiced in our communities. I want to remind everyone this particular issues have always existed since the creation, and individual communities had adopted various method to address this issue.
For example, some communities in the SW region of Nigeria had a tradition whereby the wellbeing of widows and the kids are automatically the responsibility of the one of the male siblings of the deceased. Unfortunately, the imported traditions and religion came and succeeded in subseeding this practise without providing a suitable alternatives. Polygamy was never a problem until we're taught monogamy is the right style as a family structure. And now, even monogamous marriages are fighting to stay relevant cos of the constant issues like infidelity, irreconcilable differences, pregnancy out of wedlock etc.
In Western world, there is absolutely no worry or issue when a single man decide to marry either a widow or single mother and vice versa. In our part of the world, it is seriously frowned upon by the families and even the religious leaders discourage such.

At the end of the day, whatever happens to individual are usually done under the radar, whereas the community at large knows what's happening. But everyone just look away and not address it until such happens to them personally or close relatives.

It is quite unfortunate for you to find urself dating a married man. Belief it or not, breaking off the relationship with SD is quite difficult than you think. SD relationship always seems like a dream come true for most sugar girls, cos he plays a father, lover and also a mentor role.
@OP, be very careful. Breaking off with a SD is not as easy as you think. Some of them seems very nice and understand bt they go haywire and f4ck you up when you request for a break. If there's going to be a break up, they have to called the shots. You really want to end the relationship, it will advise you to very diplomatic abt this..

Really dude?
Run to the barbing salon and ask the barber to glue ur hair back.

Just to let you know women are confused being, they don't know what they want. And as a word of advice, don't live to please anyone.

****Guys please learn to take charge of every situation.
@OP, you have failed from the beginning and I can tell you you won't make the jackpot on this lady. The simple reason is that you failed to take charge, a lady told you she's seeing other men and you just agreed to join the queue? Haba bro, a lady told you she's a public toilet (no offence to our sisters) and you said was no problem. The first thing you suppose to do was tell her that you appreciate her honesty but the relationship can't continue unless she clean the mess on ground (separate from the other guys). A lady that was said to be hard to get finally agreed to date you, and you couldn't wear your crown as the new king of the jungle. Beautiful ladies knows they are hot cake so they present themselves as queens, they will on give in when they see a crowned king which you are but you failed to prove to her that ur kingdom have constitution which all subjects including the queen must adhere to.

Dealing with this kind of ladies are quite straightforward, tell her to red card the other guys. Ofcourse, she won't do that, she definitely pretend to have done so. She will definite see you as a very serious man, lay down her guard and ready to worship you as the king you've claimed to be. And all you have to do is to start calling the shots.

Lets assume this plan did work, my bro you have nothing to lose as a matter of fact she informed you that she's f4cking 2 other guys which I consider to be a lie. She's using that tactic to separate the mere subjects from the king. If she's truely f4cking other guys, they are definitely more than 2.

sarrki:
Thank you God

Tinubu weldone for been a good and visionary leader

I firstly opposed Ambo
But as a leader you see what we don't see

Tinubu nightmare of developers, enemies of state and wailers

Next time learn to be patient. Governance can't be by magic, its a process.

It is unfortunate you have this kind of mum. Based on your story, I think something went wrong during your mum's childhood as well. It is good you're trying your best to tolerate her, my advice for you is to get help for yourself before starting to raise your own family if you really don't want your kids to have similar experience. It is not a very easy situation, you may be luckier than your mum. Her childhood may have been an horror stories in your ears.
As a side story, I have a strict disciplinarian as a mum. I'm the first and only boy with 2 sisters. I had a very rough childhood, honesty the only fun memories I had growing up was going to church. Then children churches are very interesting, we memorised bible verses, play games, act drama etc. School was quite boring cos most my teachers always threatened to report me to my mum if I misbehave, sometimes I ignored the warns and wait for the repercussion. My mum beats the living hell out of me, any mistake made in the house like spill water, break a bucket, late from school by 5 minutes etc. I get the beating of my life. My dad wasn't comfortable with these beatings. He doesn't beat us, he just make us serve punishment like the typical knee down, raise ur hand and close ur eyes etc. He warned my mum to at least reduce the beating but she wasn't bother. When the frustration heightened, he started question my legality as his child (later heard abt this). Called family meeting, complained abt the beating, one can't be beating a young child like my mum does. Whenever my dad plans to travel my sisters and I get traumatized and hope not to die b4 he returns. Not to bored you with my story, my exposure and education got me to investigate why my mum was this wicked while I was growing up then I found it. She was taken away from her siblings to her Aunt at age 5, the aunt's husband disliked her and beat her mercilessly that she had to run away severally.

Dear OP, please don't hate her for who she is. The situation may be out of her control. I hope you can also get the healing you need as well.

What I will say is this, please sister be very sure of what you're getting urself into. I hope you're not feeling pressured abt getting married cos of your age. Or you think the guy will be a good husband/father cos of his physical deformity. If you're very sure abt marrying the guy then I'll advise you to consult those elders (moral or spiritual) ur mum/parents duly respect and explain your situation. If nothing changes then pack ur things and start cohabiting with the guy. I won't advise a marriage without ur parent's approval. By the time you get pregnant or have the birth of ur first born ur parent will succumb.

Every situation is different, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Parents are unconsciously self-centered.

Please ladies you need to understand this, its 2017 and the length of ur relationship will never be a yardstick to getting married.
The OP claimed her 7years relationship is out of the window, and she's crying out. . I have heard lots of ladies making this claim as well, that their X years of relationship cannot be thrown out just like that. At the end of the day, they force their way into the marriage. In my school of thought, a bad relationship no matter this number of years is prefer to a bad married life.

Back to the issue at hand, I feel for both parties in this relationship.
THE DUDE: Its unfortunate that the dude has tried his best to make things work, The OP claimed he travelled to the US to visit her. Thats lot of money invested into travel. Definitely, the dude is comfortable in Naija, have a secured source(s) of income. He probably have lots of admirers around him in Naija. Apart from the fund invested on travel, he must have invested his sleeping hours (different time zone) and some cash on data for video calls and facetime. Also, sending of gift items for birthdays and valentine days (FX isn't cheap). The truth is a guy with this level of achievement needs to be respected and appreciated (if not worshipped, ).

THE LADY: She also has invested her sleeping hours, staying focus on her studies (it can be boring sometimes, as it quite difficult to make friends) , not so much on data (one of the cheapest commodities in the US). It is very obvious that the US environment has influenced the lady's attitude towards everythings. She probably thinks her beliefs and opinions abt life should set the tone of the relationship. I laughed, this trend will definitely escalate after the lady have secured her green card and have to invite the guy to the US. I think the OP understands the difficulty to secure a productive relationship in the US community, which seems to be the reason she wants the marriage with the dude by fire by thunder. Some raised a good point, that her parent seems not in support of the marriage with the dude. Since they are the sponsor of the lady's foreign education their opinion will definitely get validated.
I'm a sorry to chip in my story, I'm a US passport carrier who's currently in Naija for some business runs. I've lived in the US for more than 8 years and the UK for 2 plus years. I've studied trends of ladies with similar situation and I can confidently say the end result of these people when married is very scary. Well, some guys can be lucky but it's a minute percentage of them. Ladies who relocate to the western country as adult (>16 years old) overuse the privilege of woman power.

At the end of the day if the relationship is going to work, the guy has to tread carefully. I will just advise, if the guy makes good income in Naija he shouldn't relocate to the lady yet. He should wait till the lady start earning her income, that's the point when ego rub against ego. He should watch for any change in attitude/ life styles. if the coast is clear, he can go join her and if not, he should sit back and dissolve the union. Both parties should compromise by travelling twice a year. The lady must acknowledge the fact that her boo is a king in Nigeria and he deserve all the respect and appreciation. The dude too must understand he's out of Nigeria, there's going to be some balancing to the role of both parties in the marriage.

To me, there is nothing comparable to travelling and exploring different cuisines around the world. I neva want those moments to be over.

+4499999888888876666688

Dear Mr. Autojosh,

I will like to correct a false claim in your article. The term [M+S] definitely mean "Mud and Snow" but it's never classified as a winter tyre. Any tyre that carries the label [M+S] is called "All Season" tyre, which means its can serve both in the winter and summer. The designated winter tyres will definitely have the label "winter" written on it or have images of snowflakes. I personally have seen cars with winter tyres on them, I advised the drivers to get rid of them not because of the damage to the road but they're noisy tyres especially upwards 60mph.

I don't know if winter tyres damages Nigerian roads.

Nigerians sha with there everything must be effizy mentality. Madam Stella, please stop using your children's educational for your personal publicity stunt. It's good to know that your daughter is doing well in school, but the world doesn't give a damn. I understand you're a Nigerian celebrity but protect your family privacy as much as you can.

That's just my 2cents.

I could remember being taught in an Economics Class about Nigeria Indigenization that happen some decades ago. The economic tool neva worked for most Nigerians then, it only transferred riches to the elites and politicians who were in charge of Administration. And @ the end of the day, there were closures of many factories due to mismanagement or lack of enough capital, thereby turning Nigeria to an import nation who imports abt 70% of what we consume. Goodluck to the Zimbabweans and there worthless Zimba dollar.

I respect the writers point on both side even though it very obvious that he's pro-abstinence. I agree with almost everyones point of view expect those hypocrites who always claim that the bible is against this 'sex before marriage' and that.... For your information the bible is against so many things that we easily find ourself doing nowadays (lying, cheating/stealing) and there is no classification or ranking of sin; but as religious as we are, we tends to judge others who commit sin that we aren't guilty of yet. For example, you all can imagine the judgmental attitude we have when its obvious that ur friend get pregnant outside wedlocks or stole something and get caught. I believe that we are all survivals (who we are today) by his grace, and everybody has a different level of grace in different endeavors just as we are have different weaknesses.
Sex is just 15-20% of what make ur marriages, its getting over-rated with this everyday discussion. Once you are married you will understand what I am talking about. Lets there be more discussion of planning and building a successful Marriage (family) in terms of relationship with inlaws, old/new friends, neighbors, children and finances. These factors are good determinant for successful Matrimony.

Abeg let "Sex and Marriage discussion" get pullover off this forum (especially the front page)

Am interested in the land and not the house. In the few pictures uploaded, all i can see is repairs repairs repairs and repairs (Money sucker)- New roof, electric fixtures and painting for sure

Naija Government is a joke. After reading through this policy, I saw lots of loopholes in it in which smart people can make easy cash from the new development. How can a policy for multi billion dollars sector of the economy be written in only two pages. When the policy get fully implemented, local market like innoson motors will not still be able to compete. Just Watchout

Mr President is seeking British investors in Nigeria while the UK government is appealing to Indians, Arab and Asian investors to invest in the UK. I think this officials are wasting our resources traveling around the world in Executive Status. If Naija needs investment go India, China and Middle East (Arab money).