₦airaland Forum

Jasmineogunde:
Good morning nairalanders, I want you to shed more light on what is bothering me. I want to know if all men don't like their wives family visiting them or it is just individual preference. I have a man who is always aggressive anything his wife's siblings come to visit them. He starts acting anyhow towards them and even towards the wife himself. His wife must seek permission from him before any of her family members can come to visit him, but his family members can come anytime they like ( he claims that he forget to tell his wife) Funny enough, his brother is living with them ever since they got married. As at now, I heard an information that he doesn't even want to see any of her siblings again.
Is this attitude common to men or he is just being heartless? This issue is even making me sacred of marriage because I don't want to end up with a man that doesn't love or respect my family.
I need your response and advice.

there are two sides but i will talk of some of man's view, some relaltives see the son-law as cash cow, were they visit get treated well and return with cash and gifts. Which sometimes is surplas budget on the son- law

You find that father-in-law prefer to visit son-law because gets treats there

delzbaba:
this is why its advisable to seek counselling before getting married,,,in my own opinion the two things you did wrong are Starving your husband of sex and owning property of your own in your marriage,,it should be a joint ownership,,,also your husband also made some mistakes he should not have used your property to start a business because one day you will always say it ''I MADE YOU'' I ESTABLISHED YOU' goodluck but its too late.

seeking advise is ok but monet changes people or it brings out a behaviour you never saw

Money exposes you to things, places and people

Someone from the village a bottle of coca
cola, french chips and wings are a special meal
due to able to afford it all the time, whereas those who afford it, its nothing they want suchi and wine

Savedday:
Why do I always feel sorry for any guy marrying a 9ja girl?

9ja girls don't love and dey will never love.

They are nothing but useless and evil. All of them...

who made them that way ? usually people are a product og their own environment, something that men are you that is making them not love

APC2:
Greetings nairalanders,
I need your advice regarding this issue:
I set up a new business that cost me millions of naira and I told my wife to write application letter and submit to me so that I can employ her to manage the business, she refused. She said she will not write any application letter and will not collect any appointment letter from me to work in my establishment. She just want to be in charge of the business without any formal documents.

I have told her that I will employ another person if she did not want to pass through the process of formal employment. My wife is not working and she is in 300 Level in a Federal university. She is not serious with her studies, having carry overs every semester. I'm the one sponsoring her education.

I am thinking of informing her brother that if her sister did not write application letter and pass through formal employment procedures, I will employ another lady and will not be responsible for the social needs of my wife. I will only give her money for transportation to school and not for birthdays of her friends and the unnecessary visitations she always do to relatives houses.

I can't trust my wife with any of my businesses without formal documents. She may one day claim she is the owner.

What do you think?

Seperate to day to day running of the business and family

Hire/employ the right person for the job, they will run according to qualifucation and company policy etc and can be fired for gross management etc something that would be hard to do on your wife

Onepointfiveodds:
No pressure, just desperation i believe

its a form of pressure

Both of you need to relax, being under pressure also causes delays on concieving

The most important thing is both of you understand the pressure you are under and defend each from those who pur pressure on each of you

Onepointfiveodds:
I really do not know who to talk to rn and this has been disturbing me. I am so confused rn.

Our marriage is less than a year, we are not pregnant yet and my wife sat me down to discuss the issue last week. She said i should allow her try with another man outside our marriage to see if she will be pregnant. I asked if she's asking for a divorce and she said no, she wants to try with another man while still married to me.

Why she'll come up with something like that and even had the guts to tell me still baffles me. We've gone for series of tests in a space of 7months and nothing seems to be wrong with me.

I just can't keep the discussion out of my head. I'm so scared for her rn and i dont know what to do.

its sounds as if your wife is under pressure to have a child

The question is are you aware she is under pressure ? or your self you are ok you dont feel the pressure hence you are confused by her suggestion

DamnnNiggarr:
My wife says– No family planning, No sex.
for the past four months, my wife has been mounting series of pressures on me concerning family planning and I kept on ignoring her, but these past weeks, she has shown me what shege really looks like.

Up to three weeks, my wife has denied me access to her sacred part, insisting on her "No family planning, No sex" rule, anytime a tried to make love to her.

I've Three(3) beautiful Angels with her and my last child clocked 4 Years old. She said, she's not ready for another child despite our last child who's our only daughter being 4yrs old and my second son is 6, while my eldest child is 10years( that's 4 years gap). she said she's done with giving birth.

I got the shock of my life this night, that she asked me to go and get c*ndoms, if I want to have my way to her sacred part or otherwise we visit the doctor for counseling or do the family planning, reason why I picked up my phone to write this. I'm fed up because I don't subscribe to this idea of family planning or anything related to it, due to it's several after effects.

But it seems like she's winning, but either ways, I would sincerely like to see some opinions from here before going to see the doctor whether to give in to her request or not.

RoyalRoy
lalasticlala
Mynd44
seun
nlfpmod
Please assist me for wider audience.

you issue is very simple to me and most africans it seems like wife is crazy due to macho world of african attitudes toward family planning methods for women and their side effects in our beloved women

1st go with your wife to her family planning clinic and get the knowledge on effects of most contraceptives

2 let your wife explain the effects she is getting from any current or previous contraceptive she used

3 Understand all contraceptives and ask if wife had used all or ask her to try the ones she has not used. African women have this idea of sharing bad information, if one woman tried eg the loop method and did go down with her, the whole village would be told that the loop is not good whereas it can be an individual exprience

For example on men, some men or even women react to lytex made condoms, but it doesnt mean every men is like that

Niom:
He has right over you. Nothing like rape there. Was the police there when he paid your dowry

If you are tired of the marriage you seek divorce....

explain the "Right Over You"

efficiencie:
...because stupid baby mamas stupidly spread their legs for stupid men and for stupid reasons...now they have children that run a high risk of inheriting stupidity and sustaining stupidity in their bloodline.

are these men not equally stupid ? if these women are stupid so equally the men who sleep with them

Efuaye:
Respect your Dad's words more because they are spoken out of wise reasoning as against your mum's that's often out of emotions!

what makes you think the mother is always emotional advise ?

Lets say mom is a nurse and she giving the son advise on health matters, eg using condoms ets

Is the advise emotional or from exprience she sees at work ?

How men are poor being of being stubborn not takinh advise from wives we equally intelligent

ANTAX99:
Did you read this part " we've not had sex for a while'?

How can a married couple not have sex for while when the women is not nursing a new born child or in her monthly cycle.?

If she said she just put to bed, then I can understand, but not had sex for a while as husband and wife living together? This can't understand.

If they have unresolved issue or a medical condition, then no issues. But if you are just deliberately denying him sex while both of you are still married, then you are committing grave sin before God and man.

I repeat, the more you deny him sex for no justifiable reason, the closer he gets to having it elsewhere

Even if they had not had sec for a while is that reason he had to rape or force his wife ?

Both hubby and wife should have talked over why there is no sex in the house and resolve the issue or understand their difference

Yes women use sex a tool to communicate, through denying or giving it

The woman should have mentioned her own reason or undestanding why their is no sex in the house

The point is you dont commit a crime to get what you want

ANTAX99:
How can you even deny your husband sex?

If he gets it from outside now you'll come here to start crying foul.

He requested and you blantantly refused.

Who are you keeping for ?

If he is not getting it from you who are you giving it to?

What is your use in his live and how have you helped in uplifting him?

As far as you are married, your body belongs to him just like his belongs to you.

Woman, better behave.

If you've fallen out if love, then move on and spay the man the trauma.

You want him to be kneeling down for you before giving him sex.

Sex that most times the man does the hard work while you people enjoy the more.

Same man you said ' I do' to.

You want to report him to the police that he raped you.

It's a matter of time that man will start having it elsewhere.

Stay there.

Ordinary sex that some younger girls are even begging to get .

Just imagine.

Nonsense!!!

things of sex are complex some people like you seem not to understand it

Forced sex bruises the woman's vagina,

There lots of good reason why a woman can deny sex, for starts no one is fit 24/7 365 days

We get tired with busy life, one being your wife it doesnt she is ever ready 24/7 365 days

Lets put aside those who deny sex to fix, protest or a tool

CeeJeckydivah:
We've not had sex for a while, then some days ago he came back from work and forced himself on me. I told him no but he kept going on. When he finished he left me like that without saying anything & left the house. He hasn't returned since then.

Does he feel guilty & sorry for what he did or Should i still go ahead to report to the police.

I'm not happy.

Why are you asking us whether to go ahead with reporting ?

Look at this, whether he raped you or not, the moment you report him, thats also the end if your marriage

So you have two side to think
about end of marriage or keep it under
the wrap

Dont get me wrong to say rape dont exist in marriages, its there but its very complex married women to report

Dtruthspeaker:
And does this case not call for just-is? The wife may have a complaint (case) against her husband that because she objected to his having another wife they then had issues.

The children who have automatic right of ownership of their parents property also have a case requiring that thieves and greedy relatives are prevented from coming in to steal them.

Every activity in life requires just-is and that is what Natural Law is interested in giving.

your natural law works as theory but with human behaviour, laws are made to protected those who can be abused, eg many cultures and traditions dont let women inherit thier father's land propery etc, The reason you find most kingdoms are inherited by man not women

Even in the bible God, passed laws based on behaviour of each generation, Eg for Adam & Eve's children the law for sisters and brother not marry was not there.

My point is human behaviour forces justice through making laws, that governs everyone, this is outside the natural law you want to apply

Natural law is easily thrown away due to many reason, eg war, poverty, greedyness, power etc

Dtruthspeaker:
The Law took care of all this but evil have created their fake law called legal which causes injustice because legal is based on whatever and however the man judge wants it to be and not just-is according to Law (Natural Law)

And Natural Law is "you can not take what does not belong to you. (Stealing)"

And it is Natural Law that institutes and controls marriages which is why everyone, everywhere, knows when a man and woman is married as they have represented to the world.

Thus, by that representation and natural validity, every one is entitled to respect the parties to that marriage. And wj9 they have once recognised that the parties where married, the relatives are estopped from saying that the man did not marry.

The validity of marriage does not reside in the relatives but in the parties to the marriage themselves, therefore, their conduct is what proves marriage.

Thus, if it shows that a man was taking care of his wife, children, therefore they have a marriage and that family is protected by Law.

And as you see, registration of marriages has still not prevented injustice from being done by legal but if everyone knew their Nature Given Rights, they would know that their power comes from Nature and therefore it is Nature that rules.

And Natural Law is greater and stronger than legal, so all those legal things will be blown open and all these injustice would be crushed totally.

Which natural law are you talking about ? Even in the bible itself the 1st humans failed from the start, Eve failed at eat the fruit, then Cain and Abel one killed the other so which natural law are you talking about

You confusing marrying each other and justice, those are two different things, you can marry
your wife out of love to live with her for the rest of you wife but once she betrays you that love becames hate. Then your relative can envy your wealth and once you pass away they rush into wealth not for your interest to look after wife and kids but your wealth

Laws are put to protect greadyness, stealing etc

Rolexxxy:
It is not a tale but what happened right in our eyes. The lady had always brought the case to my mother who would encourage her but when she came up with the idea that she would jail him my mother rejected that.


To answer your question, I said she would sue him for damages and damages doesn't need any formal/legal agreement.

damage to what ? she can sue for the money she used on him if she can prove it. The guy can say we were in relationship and helping each other

If eg courts allows damages it actuall legally forcing him to marry. Law doesnt force anyone to marry no matter what agreement you had

fineboynl:
Ok what he meant he is not ready for that now. And if he does he knows where to look for someone to help. A young man without kid do you think his parent will be happy for him to cater for another man child when he is yet to get is own?

i get the point u want to raise but he would have made his choice, he is not being force unless he had the woman pregnant

and now he has to cater for his own child and the woman's

the scenario we have he has no child with the woman, so why date her if you are not comfortable in looking after someone's child

yemmit90:
You need more experience about real life situations to understand my point.

If you want an answer, marry one, train her children and stop them from going to their real father in future. People like you learn from experience, which is very good sometimes. I will say no more about this sir.


Y

You see you are creating a negative scenario to fit your point of view "train her children and stop them from going to their real father"

why would you stop them? like am
saying if raise them right they will treat you right

The problem with people of your mindset you take kids as investment hence what is love and care is secondary hence you fear raising someone child because you want your investment back

Your view is based on fear becoz you want to reap on children, whereas some people are comfortable on raising out of love

Your fear is very common among africans hence you find that we generally dont adopt

yemmit90:
I don't think you understand my post. As a bachelor, there is nothing wrong if you marry or take care of a widow children and children from motherless homes, but everything is wrong if you chose at early stage of your life to start taking care of irresponsible man children, who will still come and reap where he did not sow in future.

Hope you get the point now.

you are still repeating the same thing

those kids you raise out of love, do you think if you raise them well they forget about you like that and simply go to irresponsible father?

Explain how a responsible father will
reap what he didnt saw? Will be the children like stones were one can just pick them and take them home?

If you raise those kids well they will value you more than the absent parent

Bola146:
Your marriage is still new for this now Didn't you go through any relationship at all? You ought to be in your honeymoon you saw the signs unless you want to deceive yourself. Sir, know what is causing her sadness and work towards making her happy. You know her better, be praying for her also.

Your questions are ok on a general point of view

In africa most people date while they come respective homes, meaning during dating most people see each other for hours, the most is a week for those in university etc

My point, the true character of a person comes out when u start to live with them, you official play roles and official responsible for each other.

Remember the moment you get married you now atleast spend 12 hours of each day together, different from that weekend visit etc

yemmit90:
The only single mother a single guy should date or marry is the one that's lost her husband to death. Don't venture into that journey from the beginning of your life. You can date but don't marry the ones that their husbands are somewhere enjoying life, while you work your ass out to sponsor the children they will come and claim someday.

Single dad, divorcees, widowers, elderly men can marry them though.

why is that black people we always want help only were benefit?

what about helping in showing love and care ?

We only help were we benefit ? do you think if you raised that child with love and care they will
forget you ? Nope you would given them
something that their father never managed to five them

fineboynl:
One of the problem with dating a single mother is bills that will be tie to that child, you just can't escape them. Although Dating every Nigerian girl as a young guy one must face bills either you like it or not.

But the one from single mother is something else that most guys can't handle when they are still young without any child yet.

The only thing about single mother is that they are easy and don't cause much trouble for the guy. It maybe due to the fact they are way out of the dating game competition and as a single mother that will tame them down to be loyal and respectful. It's kind of crazy when the father of the child is elsewhere. And the mother want you to chest some bill for them when you are fresh single without any child yet.

how can she tie you to the child when, she didnt hide the child from you ? Most men would go in knowinly and using her to their advantage becoz most would want to settle down again therefore their confidence on being marriage material is low

The main thing about dating a single
mother is understanding what made them breakup, the father's role in the child's life and emotional status (badge) etc

Dtruthspeaker:
Marriage is older than man and it took place long before men started playing God by directing and instructiing, how they (men) think that a marriage should be done or not be done or what is marriage and what is not marriage, hence the creation of legal!

Legal means men playing God by making laws (man made laws)

Meanwhile it is not men who gave themselves The Law that they can marry neither do they have the jurisdiction to set marriages. All these, has already been covered by Natural Law!

Therefore, men truly do not have any jurisdiction to have made these legals as Natural Law had taken care of all the issues.

And Natural Law has said that a Marriage occurs when 2 adults, wilfully choose each other to act as a single unit with that unity being exhibited to the whole world that they are one.

Once this is done, then marriage is validly presumed which on the further verbal confirmation of the joined parties can be justly acted upon, any where in the world.

It is because legal and injustice has come which is now even causing and creating even more problems, whereas Natural Law and Justice had crushed all wrong doings.

you are missing the point

The idea of registering if marriage is safegaurd what a wife and worked for over the years especially Women, whereby in
the event of death or divorce eg death of husband most african and asian (customs and tradition) hubby's relatives inherit the property and eventually wife loose everything to greedy relatives and kids suffer becoz of that. Registering your marriage to Marriage Act of your country protects women from
such abuse that come through death or divorce

Imgaine a wife has been married for 20 years and they divorce, do you expect her to walk away with nothing to show of the 20 years she contributed the marriage she had ? If you think its ok then its clear modern slavery


Depending on individual country marriage Act countries like zimbabwe has 3 types of marriage, broken down to Civil Marrige and Customary Marriage

Civil Marriage - registered as per marriage Act

Customary Marriage - registered or unregistered under customary Act

So a traditional marriage and church marriage can fall under customary marriage, when i say church marriage i mean (a church marriage that was officiated by a non pointed or registered marriage officer aka pastor) who is not a marriage officer by law

traditional marriage any marraige done as per culture and tradition but not registered by either customary marriage or civil marriage

The problem most people dont know, marriage laws in their respective countries

In zimbabwe Marriage Laws incoperate both Civil and tradional/culture
Whereby a traditional marriage can be registered and equally treated as civil one

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties,I got married aged 22,( always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby,parked to our house and things were rosy.i have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks,I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense.i was heartbroken,for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday,I find it so difficult to forgive him,I insult him,he insult me ,he broke my phone,I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says "I'm his wife,no be today man dey collect him wife money,he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight,I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call,he didn't reach out,3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him...I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.

My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please,I have cried enough.

the issue here is all about him
understanding the damage he did to you and knowing that he need to heal at your own time with help of him rebuilding the trust by doing things that comfort you

The problem with our culture sometimes we call family meetings, were people use reason to solve problems when the issue emotional and the person who is meant to understand and solve it is the person who lives with you and share the bed with

The rest mostly dont understand the emotional impact, your personal feeling are not much considered, elders tend to put emotions aside and when emotions are disregarded it hurts and it make it hard for someone to heal and forgive.

Tokskob2008:
Lol, it's only the man's 50% that remains in the family while the other one is solely for the madam or you haven't heard them saying "his money is our money while my money is mine"

using that sense its OK for men to kick out their wives becoz its his money that bought the house etc

People use the "his money our money " statement becoz they know that her money is chicken change hence the hubby is not bothered about, if hubby income is equally to madam you wont hear such statement becoz their are equally at same level

Jones90:
Good day all. I will try to be brief.

My wife and i are into real estate. While she works in a different company from mine, we share ideas and experiences together. So on Monday, a family friend of hers who based in the UK told her she wanted to buy a land from my company and she brought the deal for me.

I worked on the deal and the woman made her payment. Now comes the sharing formula for the commission which will be paid to me. My wife is insisting on 50/50 while I'm saying 70/30 (me taking the largest share).

Please am i wrong or acting greedy? If yes, what's the appropriate percentage for us to share the commission? Thanks

Note: We are living happily in our marriage
Lalasticlala

She is gready though she gave the deal you to through her, it was your company that sorted the deal between your company and the woman

The commission is coming from your company right so she has no clue on the value of commission, it is to your advantage you can give her vwhatever value as the commission total value and work on the percentage

Jones90:
Good day all. I will try to be brief.

My wife and i are into real estate. While she works in a different company from mine, we share ideas and experiences together. So on Monday, a family friend of hers who based in the UK told her she wanted to buy a land from my company and she brought the deal for me.

I worked on the deal and the woman made her payment. Now comes the sharing formula for the commission which will be paid to me. My wife is insisting on 50/50 while I'm saying 70/30 (me taking the largest share).

Please am i wrong or acting greedy? If yes, what's the appropriate percentage for us to share the commission? Thanks

Note: We are living happily in our marriage
Lalasticlala

She is gready though gave the deal you to through her, it was your company that sorted the deal between your company and the woman

The commission is coming from your company right so she has no clue on the value of commission, it is to your advantage you can give her vwhatever value as the commission total value and work on the percentage

She could talked to her friend getting commission her for finding a good company like your or she could have talked of her commision % from before the actual deal

GabrielVOG:
Hello everyone,
I’m an average guy but my girlfriend is shorter not just short but she has a small stature hoping if she will add up soon��... the true is that I really love her and she loves me too, but deep down in me I always feel if we are compatible due to her stature

Please I need an advice because the way I feel for her I’ll love to spend the rest of my life with her but still considering If it’ll affect our children?

dont worry about small stature, you want to have a clue how she will be, just look at her mum, most women end up looking like their mum bodywise

Women gain weight due to mainly child birth a and contraceptives. Yes comfortable life also makes people gain
weight

wasuka14:
My wife Twins sister moved to our apartment of a room and parlour self-contain with her 4 kids after the demise of her husband without notice to me.

Honestly, I really need urgent advise as I can't have access to my apartment or to my wife again. As her twin sister moved in to my small apartment with her 4 kids and loads of clothes and some other luggages. Therefore, no single space left in my parlour to sit or leave again.
Am mentally stress with what am passing through now. For 2 weeks now, I can't sleep in a small house am managing with my wife and our 4 kids too. The issue at hand is not even about apartment alone but also of feeding.
Now, before now, my wife used to manage 2500 to feed all of us for breakfast alone. But now, she barely manage 6000 every morning.
Thereby, increase daily expenses on food to like 14-16k daily depends on my pocket.
And the funny thing is that,both the sisters are not working so as to at least support with something.
For now, am managing to pass night in my shop, but twice in a day they will send my first child to my shop to fetch money for food. Am really tire. I am just a bloody welder.
I don't know how to take care of these migrants going forward.
My wife can't drive away her twins sister by herself, am also too timid to drive them because of human feeling in me. Pls what do I do. I really need help and serious advise from fellow Nigerian and non- Nigerian

it depends how you want to deal with it

1 not upsetting your wife

2 dealing with like man

3 not getting involved

1 not upsetting your wife aka accepting that your wife's sister and wife would happy that you didnt throw out too

2 dealing it like man, you were supposed to consulated before moving in and understand abit of why she left

3 not getting involved, your in-laws are the ones supposed to take her in while they get to know the issue and finding the solution, its not your issue is supposed to go to her parents or other elder relatives

Tammyor2:
thank you. This is exactly what I have been doing. I always help them from afar. What baffles me is how dey keep on telling witches and wizard about my life. I'm very much used too staying away from them, it has help me till this very stage.

Dont listen to those to tell you about what they said about you

Knowing what have been said keeps you in touch which bad for your own good, dont listen or give a chance to anyone to say
what they have said

Tammyor2:
She came to the village for an occasion, she wanted to stay at my place for sometime but I do not want her around.

My mom is in her late 40's, she is a type of woman who doesn't care about her child well being and being the first child from a womb, I was most affected. Countless time I have faced pain and cry asking myself if she is truly my mom. She has an habit of raining curses on me since my young age until after I left home at 15. Over the past 10years i have been staying with one family to another working my ass off. Trust me I have had my own share of sufferness. The most astonishing part is through those years my mom might only call once in a year that's after facing backlash from family members why she do not care about her son.

She also always half her way to block extended family members from helping me by either fighting with them at the brinks of them helping me or she will sha do something awkward at those moments that will make the helper back off

I won't be able to go into details of the sufferness I had been through with no support or parental love/care. Atleast if parent don't have money, they will support there child with prayers and care.

2020 I went home after 10years away, due to little misunderstanding, she knelt down in the middle of the compound and started raining curses on me, saying I will never prosper and all sort of different curses. I had to left home bcus of that. I went to further my studies at sch by engaging in all various type of hard labour. My mom will usually tell me going to school is not compulsory for me, that if I can't afford to go to school I will do hard labour. Yet when it comes to my younger brother she will have money to pay for his schooling and upkeep

Fast forward too a year later, things started going well for me, I was okay and doing pretty fine in school. Because of the loneliness and love I never had at young age, my girlfriend got pregnant and I told her to keep the pregnancy bcus I'm very sure I could take care of them.

That same year, I wasn't happy deep down the situation my family were in, so I gave about 50% of my savings to my mom too start a medium business for the family upkeep. A month later grandma died and my father had no money for burial. Yes my father and mother have been living together all this while. My dad is different from my mom toward me, he will always support me when he has, but he is not a fighter, he doesn't care either but hevis better than my mom. he will only give wen he have it. Though He finally succumb to my mom pressure and they both forget about me 2016 as a failure who will never make it. I was just 20years old then with ND certificate.

For the burial, I was foolish enough to support them with almost all I had, and my mom also diverted the money I sent her for business into the burial. After the burial they all went their way and I'm left with my pregnant wife and depleted account balance. A month too the due date, things were so bad I already have plans to sell some of my furniture's wen my baby arrive. After my baby naming ceremony I was left with only 12k in my account and nobody to look on too. Non of my family member attend my child naming ceremony, only three people from the extended family who are close by came from my villagewhich is 7min drive to where i reside. My parents didn't even call me or my wife to send a little token for the child or at worst ask for his wellbeing.

Luckily for me again after the child dedication things started improving, my child brought favour and luck. A family member ask my parents why they didn't attend their grandson naming ceremony, they told him because I do not support their family despite me having money. I was so angry they could utter those statements after all I had done for them. Many more I did for them was not mention here. I later found out my father was angry because I gave my mum money to start a biz fir the family but I didn't give him money to build a house.

Despite all they did, I put it behind me and still started giving the little I could afford, they won't ask me directly if they need any thing but would rather tell people or family members to call me which often pisses me off, they have spoilt me in the face of families and old friends that i have money but dont want to help them. They do not appreciate the little I am doing.

I am currently serving NYSC, but because I have been taking care of my wife and boy Without help form nobody dey thought I am very rich. I have explained to them I'm not what dey think I'm yet but they won't bulge, they get angry anytime dey need and I could not provide. I don't have a car neither have I build a house.

Despite all this I still give them everything and they still kept on telling people I'm not helping them. My younger brother university education fees and welfare is on me, I pay 50% of thier rent recently, I send some cash periodically to them too yet they are not appreciative, everybody in the family sees me as someone who's not giving his parent.

I Iive in my state of origin and my parent are staying far east. Recently my mom came home for an occasion and want to stay at my place, I was not kinda comfortable with her coming around, I do not have that feeling. Yes I could send them money and cater what I can but I do not want her around me for now atleast not until I have figured out my life and settled down. They have called almost all the family again telling them how I don't want my mom to come to my side. Everybody in the extended family thinks I'm rich. I'm really afraid something could happen to me(Village people things)

My child is 10month now, and non of them have send a single penny for him.

I'm just confused because I know if I fall today again, there will be no shoulder to rest on, all I have is my wife(not wedded yet and my parents don't care about that) and my child.

Pls I need advice on what to do and how to handle them. I'm confused they might want my head through this hatred.

Love them from a distance if you can move away start your life some were far, you will see that your life will be less stressful

From your narration
your mom is very toxic when she near you, your upbringing will be telling you not move away but reality has shown you otherwise