₦airaland Forum

emmaodet:
You write very well and i love it.
At the bolded.........You are right and it is the reason why i hate following the crowd. I like it solo and going the other way even though there will be a lot of noise and distractions.

Critical and independent thinking are not common in our DNA - we are quick to do things because it is expected of us, people just do what is expected of them without thinking it through. - True. Many examples abound.
Had a family friend that was warned against marrying immediately after NYSC without a job but he wouldn't listen. He doesn't want to lose his heartthrob and after so many back and forths and threatening everyone, he was left to his faith.
Married and has given birth to 2 kids in one room. Always calling and begging for money. The wife sef don show am shege when love has disappeared in the face of poverty.
I have blocked him on my phone due to incessant begging. When people are making mistakes and we try to correct, they try to shut us up with mind-your-business mantra. We say this not because we hate them rather their decision making will one way or the other affects us in future and that is what i hate about poor people who don't plan.
They give birth to children that will be thieves and armed robbers tomorrow terrorizing the streets and disturbing the ones that are just managing their lives. Some will turn to junkies selling drugs to boys on the street and their girls will turn to street hookers etc.

Salary may not be within their control but is child birth also out of their control? - Exactly. They don't have any excuses and it is still this poor decision making affecting their lives they will take to polling unit en-masses and again vote the wrong candidates. Their decision making will always reflect in other areas of their lives.

People don't take the time to find themselves, figure out how they want to live or figure out what is important to them in life, they just run with the herd. The best decisions I have made in my life, are decisions I thought through, decisions that I didn't allow others overly influence. I typically went in the direction that people said I shouldn't go and I am better for it. - Again. i agree with you

independent thinking is their in our DNA is there but culture and tradition has groomed us not to question elders

Most african cultures and tradition view questioning of elders and taboo, hence whats is called generational curses but todays churches are just a vicious cycle due the fact that if one wants to do things outside the box he casted out family or looked down by society

xpensivealex:
U don't just wake a baby up from sleep and send him on an errand with intention he will perform excellently.Reason I always allow my car to steam up before moving,no speed at start up so that the engine oil will lubricate all parts necessary . moreover,the weight of ur oil will determine how fast it will flow .

nowadays you dont need to warm your car this is due to advanced oil of our generation hence oil is said to be eg 5w-30 or 0w-30

meaning 5w represents the average winter morning temperature, therefore the oil is still effective at those low temperatures in the morning you dont need to warm the car for oil to be thinner and able to penetrate and lubricate those tights spots

the oil is said to be mutligrades

the most important thing is knowing the recommanded oil of your car

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys sorry to bother you again, I have a question to ask you if you can help me with answers , my ex husband sent his brother to my shop to give me 30k for our 2 children upkeep the children he hasn't bothered to cater for 3 years since our separation. The brother has also asked me for my number because my ex has something important to tell me. I told him to call him with his phone so I can talk to him which he did and my ex asked to see the children that he will be sending his brother to pick them up every 2 weeks on satursay to spend time with him and he will be bringing them back in the evening he also added he will be giving me 30k every 2 weeks saturday. He remmaried he has a son. I told him that I don't trust him with the children because of what happened when we separated he seize our daughter and I had to report him to the human rights to get her back and I don't want to go through it again. He said we should put the past behind all he wants is to have a great relationship with his children , I told him I can't release the children to him he should go to human rights or court he cut the call and I gave back the 30k to his brother to give it back to him. He left he hasn't returned back and I want to know if I was wrong for asking him to go court or human rights for visitation because I am scared he will seize them again . please advise me

1 you say he has been providing for the kifs for the past 3 years and he comes with something snd you reject it, does it make sense you should taken the money spoil the kids

2 as for kids because of the previous, he should start by seeing the kids under your supervision eg meet at the park, spend time with them
while you are there, his behaviour and attitude will determine the rest

Schoolguy9:
Some women have this inbuilt desire to control the people around them especially the male folks and you see it happening in the society, family and within marriages.

It baffles me because women do not desire to be interefered with in issues that concern them yet you see them justling to determine what course their brothers study, what time their husbands should come back home and whose mother comes for Omugwo first!

All these things are even worse when the man is inexperienced. For crying out loud, why is it in some women's nature to control everything that concerns men?

its a complicated issue it depends how you see it

1 do you see it from your mum's point of view i.e your mother controlling your dad or your mum is not the type

2 do you view it looking at your wife that, you dont like to controlled or in simple terms put boundaries

The reason i used the "your mum" point view is that eg would you allow your mother to be ill treated simply becoz she sets boundaries that your father should follow, am sure here and there you would stand up
for your mother

So sometimes as hubby we say it is control but sometimes the wife just wants to set boundaries that makes feel loved, respected and etc


Before we press down in our wives ask
yourself would my mother or sister be happy in such set up or situation

Most people confused fear and respect, in africa, mostly kids they fear parents and
take it as respect
Then setting boundaries is seen and being contolling

SyrusdeHansome:
If i find out the girl i want to marry has a mother that has a tendency of disrespecting the husband i can never marry such a girl. Nobody can tell me that she'll be different frm her mom. 90% of the girl child are naturally stupid. They tend to copy bad behaviours faster than the good ones.

let me break it down to you

whether girl or boy your mother is the first women you trust in your life, on mostly we take them as our role models and it takes years to admit thats she is wrong in certain things or things she taught you

So being the first women
we trust in general we tend not to see their bad part in your case disrepecting a son in law, your wife might not see it as such

And remember it goes both ways it might be your mum disrespecting her daughter in law but you might not see it that way

Luckysbab:
If the wife is asking in a critiquing manner, he might not be willing to open up, knowing she will castigate/nag anyways.

Most times when men keep issues away from women, it's cos they don't expect a meaningful way out from them.

Imagine the pettiness of pointing out how he puts on the AC bla bla. You really think she's making sincere efforts to be helpful?

At one point or the other, a man might not have things figured out. That's human. And those around can only help them figure out their way.

i get your point, the fact that hubby is not yalking about his next move also frustrate the wife, basically being let in the dark makes one question themselves because in marriage you are meant to be sharing what is bothering or plans, in this case based on what we have been old the guy is not doing the much needed communication heads up to tell the wife what he done in trying to find a job

usually men are good at such situation, leave the house go somewhere whether you are
looking for job or not but wife will think you are but out brother is waking up put AC and ho back to sleep, thats not a good sign is especially when there is lack of finance in the house

Kingdollar28:
How do you know he doesn't have a plan?

He had money before bah?

But lost to gambling?

Sis, your husband is battling frustration/depression

Help him find his ways back

If you divorce him, na u loose

Mama I no fit lie you

I'm married and experienced

did you understand the story ? the hubby wakes and turns AC meaning he actually enjoying the comfort of his home while not working

The guy lost his job due to a bad habit gambling
he might be despressed yes but from what we
have been told the wife doesnt know hos next plan

You are married and experienced but it doesnt you have experience every challenge that every married couple go through, challenges can be unique/ or the same but how people react to
them can differ from couple to couple or person to person

Lifeinbits:
Myself and my girlfriend have been dating for almost three years that she sometimes stays in my house too. I have always had the intention of traveling abroad but i don't know how, so last year my girlfriend brought the idea of traveling and how she wants to try US study route and I encouraged her to do so. I also supported her so much with my money by helping her to pay her application fee and TOEFL exam.

While doing all these, we had a conversation and she told me that if she is able to get a fully funded offer that we will be going together and I will be going with her as dependent. Now my girlfriend has gotten admission but she is yet to apply for visa and she has changed plans. She does not want me to go with her rather she is advising that I should also use the study route ifi want to travel.

Note : we had the intentions of getting married but right now she doesn't want us to get marry.

as much she seem wrong you also want to tue her down by marrying, you could have married her anytime you wanted before this offer now you feel that marrying her before she goes makes it easier for visa

on the other hand marrying her before she leaves blocks any potential better guys than you

all of a sudden you now have money to marry

umarfantami:
Her mother didn't asked her to laeve. She only said she left because of emotional torment and SHE IS A MANAGER. SO SHE RENTED HER APARTMENT. My question is why she didn't leave when she was 10 -15 years, because she is now capable she will rather leave her mother for ashawoism than to tolerate her.

what does SENT ME PACKING MEAN ?

i dont how you are understanding the story

have you asked why the mom wants to move in into her place ? why is she leaving abandoning her own place ?

umarfantami:
I never knew most of tthe people(esp the female) that gave advice to her are just animLs in human skin. Were you not the one that celebrated WOMEN DAY yesterday.

You live in your mother's womb for 9 months ,with your BIG TOOTHED MOUTH suckle her breast 2 years plus. Pooed and pee on her for....... Years. Am sure the way you sounded she is not with your father, and you can't support her ,bringing your mother's issues to faceless forum.

Her telling you get married is not a bad idea, because you live alone and anything can happen and you're her daughter, she will not see bad things happening to you AS YOU WANT HER TO SEE.

And if you prefer to stay and be receiving your DOGGIES, REVERSE COWGIRL, BL, HEADS.......with that useless who will dump you later, Continue. KARMA IS REAL and the WALL. await you.

why are talking the girl as being wrong ?

please be emotional intelligent, the same person who asked het to leave is the same person who want to home in with her


what has changed now ?

Do you know why most some
people have anger issues, its becoz of how there are treated, feelings not respected or taken into account

do you know most people suffer from low self esteem due to the fact that we cant talk bad to our elders and these elders abuse us due to the fact that their are elders, they dont regard your feelings and mental wellbeing

Stillwhites:
You are a very wicked girl. You are completely stupid! You don't want to let your mother in because that your useless boss is spending the night with you always in that house and you don't want your mother to know. If you don't want to receive curses go and bring that woman in.

You are being biased and lacking of emotional interligence

1 she was kicked out, becoz her mother saw her as old enough to live alone

2 how would you feel to be kicked out and the same person who kicked you out now is coming to your new roof and wants to leave with you

3 thats emotional blackmail straight one minute you casted out the next they want to be close to you, worse this is your own mother the first woman you trusted first

Dont be biased

imagrg:
I saw this question somewhere and it kept me wondering too.

The question is, Why do most women date married men after leaving their husbands?

Methinks they have realised that married men have more experience in handling women. Perhaps they are more caring.

What do you think?

besides your handling you talked about

most cultures and traditions set it as a taboo for young men to date a divorcee, so there are pushed toward those married

Socratiz:
Your wife's indiscretion is not helpful. She is taking her freedom too far. I wonder what she finds enticing in a 50 year old man.

Firstly, you need to be more firm with your objection to the relationship your wife is keeping with this man. Be bold and frank whole discussing with her and spell out the implications to her.

Secondly, talk to the man. When he calls, while speaking with your wife, interfere and tell him boldly that you are not comfortable with the way he calls your wife. Put it to him that would he like his daughter to be constantly bombarded like this by an elder man. How would he like his wife to be treated like this? Tell him that as an elderly person, he should not destabilise a younger family. Tell him in the presence of your wife. She may not like it, but make your point.

If your wife still continues with this relationship after these , then you can assume she is hooked to the man.

I cannot suggest what to do now unless you confirm that their relationship is still ongoing after your intervention.

talking to the man is stupid in my own way ot thinking, you would actually telling another man that you are intimidated by him

Remember that man is not there please you or respect your fears, if he was then he would have respect the marriage way back by cutting the number of calls etc

It more like bagging another man to leave your wife alone, whereas it your wife who should set the boundaries to her uni mate.

ldon444:
Hi guys,

Happy weekend to you all! I just moved to the UK with myself and my family in Oct last year
as my wife is doing her masters in one of the unis in london here. There is something that
in a way wasnt bothering me before, but now I seem to be bothered and based off of the fact
that this country does not allow men exercise some sort of rightful move here, I am limited
to the decisions and actions I cant make or take.

So my wife have been friends with this 50 year old course mate, they talk on the phone
for minutes, sometimes hours, I noticed she always put the call on speaker just so I could hear
the content of their discussion. This became frequent, though at a time I wasnt bothered, so one day
I asked her that do you know if I was the one that was schooling and I had a female married frien
who is 50 years old, you would have started questioning me and telling me how uncomfortable
you are with the way we always talk, she was like oh well thats true, but that as long
as it is school discussion and thats it. I was like oh well I doubt you would
mind even if you know its just assignment discussion she said oh well, she doesnt trust her
gender that she would be observant. She now said that this her classmate that nothing can
ever be between them, that he's 50, I was like when did u hear a 50year old Nigerian man does
not have penis, and that anytime they talk, she always put it on speaker so I can hear that it is only school
stuffs they talk about. I was like thats not the issue, that sometimes familiarity
breeds contempt.

To cut the long story short as to why I started feeling uncomfortable. The dude called as early as 5mins to 8am
early in the morning when we are trying to prep the kids for school, she had gone to drop the kids but her phone
was at home, I picked and told him she had gone for school runs, he quickly said oh sorry for disturbing and hung up.
Secondly, that very day, I had stepped out, on gettig back, I pressed the bell tire, so tey my hand begin dey pain me, she didnt open
the door, luckily for me the front porch door was opened so i gained entrace through there, lo and behold
she was in kitchen where the bell could be loudly heard but she was on call with this same dude
and that made her not hear me. 3rdly I had worked overnight and I got home to rest, she then told me that she needs
to get to the library, that they both have an assignment to do together, that she will be back in 2hours, I was now like
why didnt u guys plan out a time, I needed to rest and ur friend just called
without a proper timing that u should start coming. She left and I had to use sleepy eyes
to take care of the kids that morning. Now am on the verge of sitting her down and
have a dialogue with her that I have finally figured out that her close friendhsip with this person
seems not to go down well with me, I know some people will call me simp or weak man, but being very pragmatic in halding
issues like this is foremost, besides most women here seem to maturally exhibit that
sense of freedom and i can make decisions without u kinda thing, and I truly dont want to get in the way of that.

the problem here is your wife, not the man let me break it down to you

for the man to call anytime and have long conversation is because your wife as allows it and also she has shown the man that its not big deal in her home for the man to call at any time, meaning your wife has not shown respect of her marriage to the man so the man is just acting the way your wife is portraying your marriage

The man has no respect for you and marriage because your wife has painted such picture to him hence he doesnt care about you being her husband or her being married

jmichael259:
She said they live in Italy. I don't know about their medicare there but Yeah, it's not cheap in any country and definetly better as a private/specialist clinic affair.
However, compared to inconveniences of having extra kids than planned in search of a gender plus risking the mother through multiple pregnancies or the home shattering option of getting another wife.. The cost becomes inconsequential.

i get you i can say both are a bit ignorant as there is lot information out there especially in thr developed world on how to increase a chances of having a boy or girl

Slynation:
Oga, one of the primary aim of marriage is to have your own kids that will bear your name, else paternity fraud won't be that painful...

Even in a family that has ladies throughout, one of the ladies will decide to attach her family name to her name so as to carry on with her father's legacy, in some cases they adopted a male child, just say most people don't prioritize the aspects of a male child and I will understand, but to say they ain't bothered, they are very much bothered about it...

Also in the Bible, Hannah and Sarah was very much specific about there request of "A male child" from God...

i dont dispute your point of view but some people are happy with what their are given eg girls only

yes some men are intimidated by culture and traditions for not having a male child but some are not


also not every lives by what happened in the bible

scholarshipbaze:
I work and trade crypto and forex, my girlfriend knows how much i earn, but because i have plans, i still live in a modern selfcon in an estate.

So tonight i asked my girlfriend whom i wish to marry, if she would be willing to marry me as i stay in this selfcon, even if i don't have money to rent 1bed room.

She said she can't, please what does this mean? Possibly not my class? Possibly might leave when things go bad?

she sees no future in your crypto and forex thing

so far what have you done with the money u earned from it

Slynation:
Everybody need a male son to carry on their respective lineage and a male child is very very important in Igbo tradition, anybody telling you otherwise is not well Informed...

not everyone is bothered about carry one with lineage.

jmichael259:
Personally, I don't understand why these stories exist in this modern science era! Especially you live in Europe but still wait after 3-4 births to have one gender, with all procedures available for gender selection?

Please, go for IVF or surrogacy and stop all these lamentations! He has right to not be satisfied with only male or only female kids and it's selfish and hypocritical to tell him otherwise.

Daughters' children go to their husband's family not His.

You got a point but its not cheap, eg in UK option to have specif gender to be born is luxury on the top of the free health from the national health service, they would ask you to go private health care to achieve your desire

Am not sure of the USA but am sure you will pay more on your health premiums

pandax:
I have heard this highlighted fallacy too much. A woman and the sex position will determine the sex of the child and not the man, though the man is the carrier of the 'Y' chromosome for male children, but he cannot determine the sex of the child, as there is no way the man can decide to release only 'Y' chromosomal semen onto the woman to have a male child.

You are wrong too, neither man have no control in determining the sex of the baby, yes sex positions can influence deeper penetration for depositing sperms very near the cervix, then mastering days that also increases the chances of the male child

remember a woman is XX while men XY

the male sperm has XY either of those two will
determine the child's gender this would be inside womb, neither the woman has no control to which one will fertilise the egg

idiopathic:
Hi Nairalanders,
Which would you consider more important when making a decision to buy a car.
The vehicles mileage or year of production assuming all other.
For example, if you have a 2005 Nissan Murano with 50 000 miles and 2007 model with 90000 miles.
Kindly give your reasons please

for most african people they go for mileage, not knowing that on average in eg UK average year mileage is 7000 - 10000 so a 18 year old car with 50000miles thats on average 2777miles per year, if that mileage is true then there should be any worn out interior and noise suspension


Glasgow to Gatwick Aiport i can clock over 1000miles back and forth

In western europe, the body would be perfect but suspension, high mileage and worn out interior would be common reflecting how old is the car

If those cars have so much low mileage versus their age why do end up mostly being sold abroad, than local

LittleBigDick:
I just found out i will be a dad soon
How do i make sure that if its a boy it becomes very smart and fit ?Is it ok if i put creatine in my baby's milk?

you want make your boy very smart what of a girl child ? if your dont equip with knowledge anr education she will used by men and what legacy would you have set up for your girl child ?

whether a boy or girl they should be given equall chance to resources and education

dannyair:
Camry 2008, the dashboard sign of low engine oil pressure keep coming up when driving most especially whenever I match brake pedal the alarm will be ringing showing red triangular sign. I have change the oil seal and do other necessary servicing yet the low engine oil pressure keep popping up

if your oil is at the right level you got 3 suspect things to investigate


1 your oil pressure sensor

2 the oil pump its self

3 any clogging on the oil stainer

ibkayee:
As a man I expect fresh soup from my wife everyday, one traumatising evening I could tell the egusi had been reheated and I’ve just never been the same since.

I’m a great husband and father and I didn’t deserve that

i got one or two question for you

1 you said you expect fresh made soup, have you told your wife what you expect from
her especially fresh made soup or you assume you must know ?

2 do you have kids ? how old ?

3 does she also work ?

the reason am asking especially number 2 & 3 its due managing time to be able to have enough time every day to cook fresh meals for you

dont get me wrong as if am supporting her for cooking fresh meal but its also understanding if you had free time to relax if she is ever busy its wind her down her energy

undetstanding her routine will give you a clear pic of when she energy to cook your best meals erc

PlayMaker14:
God bless this comrade for me...

Gone are those days when women call their Husbands sweet names like "Nnanyi", Oko mi, My Crown and My Lord" and treat them as such

Feminism has come to preach equality in marriage and destroyed the sanity.

Recently, I saw a post where one disrespectful fellow was addressing her husband as her "Bestie" on TikTok and rubbing his bald head while the full grown SIMP smiled for the camera.

Let's not even go far, some Old Layers here who feels there should be equality in marriage, delegating house chores to a full grown man to carry out. Imagine that!!!

Mind you, most of these Old Layers are not virgins, some are rickety hens that have laid several eggs, but they are clamouring for equality with their Overstretched Community Pussies.


Na God go help us.

you dont understand feminism some people both sides men and women

Feminism differs from to place to place, due to things women see as disadvantaging them
based on their culture tradition and legal laws in their respective communities and countries etc

Example women in Saudi Arabia women were not allowed to drive cars, it changed as recent adms 2018, from a feminist point of view that was a right to fight for, for women in Saudi Arabia

Then imagine you as father you have sent your daughter to tops schools and univerities and she is good at her qualified job but she cant not get the top job becoz she is a woman or she het the jobe but her salary is lower by eg 30000 becoz she is female men who qualified like her gets higher than her

A third example, which is common in africa, a man and woman gets married whether civil or traditional, they buy their own house etc this is over years of working unfortunately the man dies and the man's brother grab the house whatever under the pretence that its for the children but reality we know that its a lie, the truth is even if the woman was not working bringing money in, she contributd by making sure that the home is lovely and welcoming for her husband to have energy for tomorrow to provide for his family etc

when hubby dies who had the right to takeover ? its the wife she put her blood and tears than any of the deseased brothers or sisters

Feminism just challenges the statis quo that has or is disadvantaging women in different societies

unfortnately men dont see the disadvantages women have becoz men are the one enjoying the status quo

EmiDon11:
I am planning to marry from owerri but friends told me to run, that thier bride price is high...

Why are some bride price higher than others?

Are they not thesame humans?

And how much is bride price in ur area?

do cars or even bread have the same price ?

joshmoy:
Hi guys.

I want to know if there’s any legal step I can take against my landlady that’s constantly harassing me.

I don’t like to talk back just because she’s quite aged, but she took it quite far today.

I just co-bought a car with a friend, but the documents are in my friend’s name for specific reasons. Nothing illegal.

She stopped me from parking the car in the compound this afternoon, on the basis that I didn’t inform her that I bought a car. She kept insisting that I had to go photocopy the car papers and submit to her before she can let me park in the compound.

Now this was nowhere stated on the agreement document. Please Is there any legal step I can take against this woman because I’m sick of her unwarranted harassment.

Modified: My friend came over to pay a visit for three days

you need to really think

yes the landlady ise being nasty

but going for any legal process against the person who is accomadating while you live in the same space is being stupid to me

Either way if you lose or she wins, the process would make more enemies

The reasonable thing to do is to move

your scenario is like dragging your wife to do DNA tests on children whether the results says you are the father,the relationship would have been damaged

justyhere:
Let's trash this talk once and for all

What do you think?
Is Marriage an achievement?

The best answer comes from valuating how a a single woman/man of 30 and above is treated by his/her own society

Lets start with the man, in some society his voice is not heard simply becoz is not yet married, his respect is not much compared to one married

For a woman is its almost the same
but worse for both being single@ 30 and above , work for divorced and widow, society look down on them

So it unwritten rules marriage is an achievement, it will bring respect and being valued

So according to tradition and culture in
terms of respect and value, marriage is an achievement

In most african tradition and culture, brings in status, respect and value

Ask your self way some women say (do you know who i am? i am Mrs so so ) thats status

Same for men ( am married i got 5 kids) its status with requires respect among single men or those recent married even those who have less kids than him

baconline:
Over the years a lot of cars have being grounded due to security issues, some starting from having lost the key and another could not be programmed to the car or electrical failures ,module failure etc. A way around all this is to off the immobilizer so the car will run without the security system, there are various ways to achieve all this.
1.edit the flash or eeprom on the ecu so it does not run a security check after starting.when the car starts the ecu communicates with the immobilizer to confirm the status ,if ok, it keeps running, if not ok, it shuts down , usually withing a second or two. After the edit it will just start and not run the check with the immobilizer
2. Provide an emulator to act as the immobilizer, this will trick the ecu into thinking the immobilizer is ok and it will run normally.
3. Disconnect the immobilizer and rewire the ecu
4. Completely change the ecu to that of free code if available
Immo off is a very broad service as there are hundreds of different ecus and the approach are all different

why go through all that when you can have a second/third key cut and programmed to your car

HudaIna:
You’re confusing yourself… this is a simple exercise in foresight. Imagination is creation.

lets say i am confusing myself

How would you avoid regrets that at 80 you wont have any

TheMaterialist:
That is the whole point of this exercise:

To Avoid Future Regrets and Mistakes Through Mental Precognition and Imagination.

Because...


Foresight is Far Better Than Hindsight.

i think you are failing to say your point or view

I am 47yr old meaning i have 33 years ahead of me, that is if am to live to that age

Alot can happen in 33 years regardless, what i had planned or what i achieved, no matter how much you plan, set and achieve can gaurantee no regrets at the end of time or age

If life was simple as your question tries to direct no one would have regrets


yes mental precognition and imagination can change things that you have power over but it doesnt mean you will able to avoid regrets in the future

TheMaterialist:
What will Regrets will you have when you reach the age of 80?

did you really think before you asked the question?

if am to know my regrets at 80 now, then at 80 (the future) i wont have any because i would have seen them now (the present) and start to take the right direction from now

My point is you can not know some regrets becoz the future is not known