₦airaland Forum

businessgirl:
He stays alone on the mainland in Lagos. His children are married and live far away from him but they do send him things from time to time when they have.
He always struggles with food, bills.
I wish I can change his state like i want God to use me to make his life much better.

Sometimes you will see him begging for money to feed. One time he composed a msg on paper and asked me to send it to his very good friend. The content of the letter is about him asking for any amount no matter how small.

I immediately felt sorry for him and a bit ashamed for not being able to help.

I left a job that wasn't profiting me and got another one. The salary is poor(still on the look out especially for a remote job to combine).

I really wish a miracle can happen now so I can help him. He is the first person I always think of when I imagine a breakthrough. And then my biological parents.

Pls I'm not begging for help but if you want to help him, I can't stand on the way. I'm not a beggar. I can manage but I don't like seeing this man in this state. He is like a father to me. Always concerned about my welfare.

I have faith for a breakthrough one day. Who else can relate

good samaritan for noticing but since you know that he regulary contact his children, why dont you get direct contact with his children and arrange something to sort out his problem

Dailyparrot:
There has been an upsurge in the number of young Nigerians traveling to the UK for studies.

I'm sure most people here must have known one or two close friends that have left Nigeria to the UK in the last 2 years.

There's this girl I met at Lagos NYSC orientation camp during my service year. We became friends and have been in touch all this while. She is from my home state and her family house in the village is close to mine. She left Lagos to Port Harcourt after our service but I used to see her during Christmas whenever I travel to the East.

I checked her WhatsApp status recently and noticed the background of her photos didn't look like Nigeria. I asked her and she told me that she has left Nigeria to UK to do her masters.

I congratulated her and told her that I do assignments for people especially students in diaspora. She said okay that her cousin has been looking for who to assist her with her assignment. The cousin traveled together with her for the studies.

So, she gave my number to her cousin who got in touch with me. We reached an agreement and she sent part of the money so I can get started with the assignment. I billed her lower than what I would ordinary have billed her because of the relationship I have with the cousin.

Fast forward to few days later, this my friend chatted me up asking for her cut from the money her cousin paid me. I was more than shocked because I never saw it coming and I'm sure the cousin would be so disappointed if she gets to know that her cousin came to me to collect a kickback from the money she paid.

I told her that she didn't tell me it was a business for her so I could factor that in while billing her cousin.

She said she has two people who need help with their assignment. I told her that I will give her the commission from those new people since she's indicated that's what she wants.

But this girl has talked to me in a very condescending manner. I don't know if it's because she went to UK or what. I have known this girl for years but I never knew her to be like this.

Why are some girls this mean?

do it in reverse

contact the person you did the assignment for and tell them that the person who introduced them to you wants a cut from bill.

And your charge was lower becoz helping a friend of friend. Ask what should you do, because you didnt want to profit from a friend of friend and unfortunately the friend wants to really profit.

Am sure from that the two will sort each other other out.

DCmaverick:
Yh like the headline it true, am finding it difficult to make peace with her.

Am writing this with agony in my heart , it all started when my parent were having a misunderstanding so i got angry with both of them, i tried telling my mum her wrong rather for she to accept it she got angry and say i should get out of her sight, i angrily left the house to my uncles place. from that day till now it been up to 3 weeks now i no longer greet my mum, i even black list her line.

Honestly am feeling it,i miss her motherly care, i love my mum from the depth of my heart but am still finding it hard to talk to her even if we both pass the same road i dont greet her.
please and please i really need advice on this , i want to make peace with my beloved mum cus it only she i have.

Please help guys

i will say two points that might make you see thing different

1 most african parents dont like to be corrected by their own kids nomatter how wrong they are. The same people who send you to skol to learn and when correct them with something that you learnt from skol, they say you are becoming big headed etc by its same person who sent you to skol to learn.

2 Married people are difficult to deal with, as sometimes they set each other for arguements eg you said was wrong but you might know they have underlining issue from previous issues that were not resolved, so a small issue is overblown due to previous unsolved issues and anger. So you might not have seen the issue from the surface, while there are other issues

Mindlog:
He can't decide how to deal with it, they are legally married even if they were married customarily, they will still end up in court and the court will not grant custody to a father who has been physically away from the daughter for how many years now?

yes i understand that very well but how many people who are legally married but lost property to the relatives of their husbands ? meaning the issue was never take to court and was dealt with traditionally or bullying came
the relatives and the woman lost what she worked for with her husband

My point is he can be wise not the fight for custody as per custom and tradition and highlight the benefits child moving o
netherlands and grabbing opportunities that the child might never had while in nigeria

Eg besides education etc, if the child moves to
netherlands now but the times the child turns 18 they might gain citizenship and opening avenues for the mom

ALLNIGERIANSMAD:
Good evening Nairalanders, please I don't want to bore you with much stories, I just need a legal advice from lawyers on the FORUM. my sister who has been Legally married 8years ago to this guy, I wasn't around during their wedding because I work far away maiduguri then, the wedding took place in OSUN STATE, few months she gave birth, this guy travelled abroad on invitation visa by his family members, the guy has shown so much responsibility as a man and as a father at the beginning when he first arrived at his current country home of residence, my sister always told me how he use to send money for her and her child(only daughter) upkeep and communication was good between them, sometime in 2014, this guy having learned I work in Abuja, he personally contacted me and told me his plan to take his wife with him to abroad that he will need my assistance to help Authenticate all my sister's documents from Federal ministry of foreign affairs which I did, probably this doesn't go down well with family members or God knows what happened this guy sundenlly make U-turn and stop communicating with my sister, after several findings, he claimed his family had told him my sister was lying to collect money from him and spending such recklessly! That's her offence which he stated in the divorce letter. When I got the story like over five years ago, I heavily criticize my sister believing she must have done something worse than that for her husband to suddenly take Such action against her but what brought my interest in the case was when she sent me copy of divorce letter and I read through, I can't pinpoint to any serious offence she might have committed to warrant divorce all his excuses was baseless and earsay as the husband in question has never return back to nigeria since he travelled and from information my sister got, the husband secretly married to another wife in abroad Netherland to be precise while he still legally married to my sister here in nigeria.
My question now are:
- is it possible to divorce a woman in
absentia?
- The husband was requesting the custody of the only child the marriage produced to take to abroad, in my opinion I objected to that since the husband has married to another wife over there,the safety of the child is important.
- she's currently living in the house they
both built together which she
superviced during construction! They both contributed to the project while the husband was also sending money to build. Will she
be sent packing without any form of compensation?
Please MOD should please help me push to the front page to to have legal interpretation to the issue. Thanks i will be in comment section to take your advice. Ignor any error and advise

She better off signing the divorce papers, reality is they have been separated for 7 years or he has never returned ever since and you still call it a valid marriage ? who stays 7 years without sex?

Reality is they divorced long back due to years of not physically not seeing each other.

I dont think he will fight over the house they built, he has higher chance to built another house and also he can leave as part of compersenation to the wife.

As per child, it depends how he wants to deal with it i.e per culture or law, law favours the mom most african culture favour the father

Then the other side is education, ecomonically and exposed, allowing the child to go to her father, in netherlands were those 3 i meantioned are better off in netherlands than nigeria

redseason:
Wow! There is more than meets the eyes in this case. No father, no matter how dead beat would watch anyone, irrespective of relationship molest his children. Trust me, there is something fishy between your aunt and your dad. How are you sure your own dad(with due respect) did not sexually violate his own sister while they were living under him? Hence the lack of moral high grounds to act. No relationship supersedes that of your immediate family.

if this is a true story, the father is stupid as the son (writer) why

1 yes has he right to be angry at the cousin but also equally at his parents etc there are keeping the monster in the house

2 his father is putting aside, the safety of his chilldren over this monster

Danniedpastor:
My mother calls me everyday.
Should my wife be bothered?

usually when you are part of it you dont see nothing wrong with it

so what do you talk about everyday with your mum ?

Most people dont feel comfortable becoz one might end up discus his:her partner. or being told how to run your marriage

Legitmenaija:
Hello everyone, my boy has been exhibiting some characters i don't find funny at all especially towards his education. His attitude towards his studies is zero... As in its soooo discouraging and disappointing so much that 3 of his teachers have called to complain bitterly. The major facts are below:

He is 10years old, in J. S. S 2 and wishes to be a pilot in future.

1. He plays wayyy too much in school and at home. Infact everywhere.

2. He is very sluggish in doing things. He does everything slow.... I mean everything you can think of. He can use 2 hours to eat a plate of food. Same food his younger ones will consume in less than 30minutes. Is it to wash few pieces of plates? He does that and everything else sooo slowly.
Its only when i remind him of time or give him like " you have exactly 10 minutes to do this or that) that he speeds up whatever he is doing at that particular time.

He can't keep up with copying notes in class because they clean the board before he is even half way. You need to see his books... Almost empty while his classmates notes are filled up. He is always borrowing notes to copy to the extent that his classmates have stopped giving him because they are tired.

3. He doesn't like to study. Reading his books is like punishment.
I have to talk, talk and talk before he will pick up his books. Even when he does, he won't really be studying.

His grades are extremely poor.

I am scared for him and his future.

I used to remind him that he can't be a pilot by playing away his time when he can devote such time to study.

For those who would be curious to ask about his birth father... Please just assume he is not in the picture and give whatever meaningful advice you may have.

I desperately need a mentor for him. It has nothing to do with me.
I need him to improve and take his education more seriously.

There musn't be physical contact. I am totally cool with phone calls (not to me please or whatever that can work out).

Someone to speak with him, advice him, talk to him about the harsh realities of life and the future and so on

I will throw more light if anyone have questions.

My email is legithustlingbabe@gmail.com


This is a big deal to me... Not a playing matter.
The future of my first child is at stake.

you got excited when he was in primary when he showed few excellents and you thought he is gifted.

From your narration he acting the way most 99% of people of his age do.

A 10 year old in secondary skol, most are discovering teenage hormes, Your own is just 10 and he should be playful

Can you explain what made you think
he is a genious to jump to high skol like that

Aemmyjah:
Children are gifts from God but they need training to become the responsible adults they need to be but there is one mistake parents display.
To illustrate a common scenario, some parents have two or three children and they love them trying to give them the best childhood they deserve but they are not balanced. Then they bring in a small child whether from a village or a relative. He is not given equal treatment but at least he is fed and clothed. The real children go to the best schools but the other child is admitted to a government school and must return home first, you'll never see those parent close to that school unless they are summoned. The children go out to enjoy each weekends, visiting friends, going to parties, shopping and the rest with the parents but the other child rarely visit anyone but is always in the house. Now there is nothing wrong with what the parents are doing to their children in taking them to the best schools, giving them the best meals and other things. Here is where the problem lies
They end up training the other child to become responsible but they do this unconsciously. They make sure he washes the dishes, he cleans the house before he leaves for school and make sure things are well arranged, he dare not stay away from kitchen when mum is cooking, they seem to look for ways to correct him when he sweeps, washes, cooks, iron clothes, cut grass, even go to farm, dust chairs and other furnitres but they leave the kids to live their lives watching movies, playing games and going out, trending on social media, sleeping most hours on Saturdays. The other child manages a button phone that does not have a game but the real children are teaching their mates about the features they enjoy on their iPad. The other child tend to learn a trade after school so he won't be far from home or to go to a nearby institution but they real children leave home to explore in a new academic environment. Who are they really doing a favor?

When the other child fights or get into a conflict, he is scolded and told never to do allow such happen again even if he is not at fault but when the real children start trouble, they go and fight the parents and take sides with their children. They fell like beating the children will spoil them and warn the school never to beat or punish them, as for the other child, they use every form of punishment they can on him, they are proud and never greet or apologise and they are rude. The parents ask them to greet grandpa and grandma whereas they grandparents love the other child for his warm gestures and manners as he is used to prostrating or kneeling for elders. These things mold the children as they grow up.

The real children tend to become irresponsible, womanizers, prostitutes, thieves, cultist, even having abortions and entering all forms of trouble as they extort their parents but the other child does not get 'shishi' or he receive them with insults. When the real children marry, it does not even last and they are returned to their parents the way you return fake money to a customer. The other child, the idiot boy or girl becomes responsible to everyone even those that treated him harshly, they get married and enjoy a lasting marriage.
Parents, train up your children. Discipline them, they will not die from discipline. And the end, you will go to the grave as a happy parents not the one that they give you headache down to the grave when they can even scam you on all your pensions

There are 3 sides to look at such issues

1 in most cases as a parenrt never send your child to
be looked after by someone, especially when you think there are doing youna favour . Ask yourself a favour in exchange of what ?

2 As never treat child/ren under your gaurdianship
differently from yours, treating them
bad is actually teaching them to be tough and strong in the future, while your own kids will
be cry babies

3 Your own kids will cry babies as they struggle with basic day to day tasks that they were supposed to taught and master while young

Chizzychinny:
Personally, I see nothing wrong with it unless they are other things you're not saying. My mum can't stay a day without hearing from her children. Her call is just harmless or you can playfully ask your wife why her mum calls always.

dont you think you see nothing wrong becoz you are used to your mum's calling ?

Sometimes being in contact everyday doesnt make you grow to be your own person

flyingdutchman:
You are insecure. My wife has a close relationship with her sister and mom. I only complain when she is distracted from a task at the time. She has found time to adjust now, and i have embraced her mom as my closest ally at home. She is a cool lady. I am not afraid that they will overrun my home. I have ENOUGH QUALITY TO MAKE ME valued at home.

remember there are mothers who influence daughters or sons to run thier marriages the way the MiL run her own marriage which cause fights with their respective partners

Mide70:
Please I need your opinion on this issue.

Though before I got married I discovered my mother inlaw calls all her daughters both married and unmarried everyday (only 3 ladies no boys) and they fear her to the bone.

At times every morning and night just to talk to them but I believe when they get married they need privacy and respect but this is not the case for my mother-in-law and I detest such act.

Mind you I'm not against call or trying to break the bond but I believe this is marriage. I'm looking for a way to stop all that

I'm I wrong or right to take that step ?

you can deal with her indirectly, through you wife, you have to teach your wife, how to deal with her eg when when she fines phone she needs to cut the conversation short, cut if by eg "mum i will get back to you i need to attend to my husband"

Eventually it will sink in to her that,her daughter give more attention to her home than her phoning every morning as if she is sick

People gotten that, you great time to be missed than to be constantly in touch for no good reason

Globetech:
Then create your own wiki so we can read

��� i guess you take it as valid source

FERNADEZISBACK:
Men cheats on their wives but can't endure being cheated on. My uncle estranged his wife over rumour that she have a secrete lover at her work place without visible evidence and has begun divorce process in the court...it baffles me because this same man has been cheating on his wife openly for so long.

well simple logic, wife you paid bride price so if another men is eating your woman it means you paid bride price for other men to eat your fruit

maasoap:
Chill. The man is not alive anymore, not like anyone is taking side with him.
The man was silly. We're only trying here to downplay his foolishness and stupidity. Lol

i was talking as in general not direct to the dead man

Eriokanmi:
Being married shouldn't be an excuse for blocking him. For someone to have been so kind, she must have meant everything to him and that's if the story was true. The girl in question could have been his only source of happiness cos she never knew what the man was going through. She should have just told him the plain truth and moved on with her life. She couid drop the sim instead of blocking him. How would she have felt if the man had blocked her when she needed those help, which the man cheerfully rendered? That's why I even doubted the veracity of the story.

Let me share a true life story with you. There was someone close whose marriage was going through a lot. Then he had this girl who was very close to him. He gave her almost all she needed, including sponsoring her University project, accommodation when she was on her nysc, even giving her money monthly. This girl told her parents she's dating a married man when the mum asked her to bring her fiancé. The man actually travelled with her to see her patents , cos he truly liked her. They travelled by air together. He was lodged to a hotel. The following day, she began to act funny. Her character had changed completely. Her dad welcomed him with open arms while mum was totally against their relationship. The man even said he'd not mind marrying her as a second wife.

Long story cut short, this girl blocked his line. She also blocked him in Facebook. All these happened after his visit to her parents. Her mum must have talked her head up all through the night he visited. The man felt hurt and moved on. A year later, this girl unblocked him. She began to ask for his favour again...imagine . But as kind as he was, he still helped but nothing between them again. This man had a project in the country where this girl later relocated to. It was the girl who provided an interpreter for him cos its a French speaking country. Throughout his stay , he didn't see her... cos he said he'd not see her, despite her describing her place. Eventually, the man still sent her money for the assistance. End of story.

your story is irrelevant at this point, as the girl is not asking for any assisant but looking for ways to help the poor wife

Yes the girl was wrong to date a married me but the one who was in control was the guy who most likely manipulated the girl or the girl took advantage of him

But lets not for get the guy was 35 was he fooled by a 19 year old ?

Eriokanmi:
Being married shouldn't be an excuse for blocking him. For someone to have been so kind, she must have meant everything to him and that's if the story was true. The girl in question could have been his only source of happiness cos she never knew what the man was going through. She should have just told him the plain truth and moved on with her life. She couid drop the sim instead of blocking him. How would she have felt if the man had blocked her when she needed those help, which the man cheerfully rendered? That's why I even doubted the veracity of the story.

Let me share a true life story with you. There was someone close whose marriage was going through a lot. Then he had this girl who was very close to him. He gave her almost all she needed, including sponsoring her University project, accommodation when she was on her nysc, even giving her money monthly. This girl told her parents she's dating a married man when the mum asked her to bring her fiancé. The man actually travelled with her to see her patents , cos he truly liked her. They travelled by air together. He was lodged to a hotel. The following day, she began to act funny. Her character had changed completely. Her dad welcomed him with open arms while mum was totally against their relationship. The man even said he'd not mind marrying her as a second wife.

Long story cut short, this girl blocked his line. She also blocked him in Facebook. All these happened after his visit to her parents. Her mum must have talked her head up all through the night he visited. The man felt hurt and moved on. A year later, this girl unblocked him. She began to ask for his favour again...imagine . But as kind as he was, he still helped but nothing between them again. This man had a project in the country where this girl later relocated to. It was the girl who provided an interpreter for him cos its a French speaking country. Throughout his stay , he didn't see her... cos he said he'd not see her, despite her describing her place. Eventually, the man still sent her money for the assistance. End of story.

come on she was 19 and he was 35, who was fooling who here ?

The guy knew what he was doing and enjoyed it

He was going to find another younger girl the moment she turned 26-30

do4luv14:
That why I said the pastor, Furthermore She said, the Wife knew her, reasons She was thinking of going Annoym, And there is a chance the WIFE might reject, if she goes directly,

Remember the WIFE is a close Friend of her Aunt

pastors will manipulate her situation, the pastor will dip in whatever is sent

maasoap:
He invested heavily on you. You used him and dumped him. His heart was broken and shattered. And he never recovered!
Now, your conscience is disturbing you. Help the damn woman and may be, you will have your peace.

Is cheating on wife or hubby an investment! what thinking is this? The guy a had little cash to spend on little girls white hurting on his wife period

do4luv14:
Go through her Church pastor, explain your reason to him,

But First provide the Accommodation, it can be rented, or build, Then get in touch with her pastor, and let her relocate there,

Since you wanted to assist her with business, If you are going to build the Accommodation for her, or rented, let there be a shop there, where She can be selling Goods,

God bless you for your kindheart

why the pastor? you dont need the all the time all she needs someone close to her, who get infor like bank details, with that she can directly deposit into the woman's account.

Eriokanmi:
Why Block him after doing her so much good?

but remember he was married, it was better that way, she moved away to start a new life.
Already she had caused damage while she there, it was going to hurt more on the wife finding out that from a great distance she still talk to him

Eriokanmi:
I broke his heart after moving in Europe in 2011, I blocked him and moved on with my life.... Typical of an average Nigerian woman. Too bad. But why do some Nigerian women behave this way?

Didn't they know we humans are like steams and we'd flow and meet someday?

which typical of an average nigerian woman point are saying ?

Madampauline:
Back in the days I dated a married man I was 19 he was 35 married with kids. He had done a lot for me, thanks to him I am in Europe now he has done everything for me. I broke his heart after moving in Europe in 2011, I blocked him and moved on with my life. I am happily married since 2015 with 2 beautiful children. I learned that he passed away this year march and his wife and five children have nowhere to stay. She is actually staying in church with 2 children while the other 3 are with relatives. I feel so sad and I want to help her with accommodation and will give her money for business, I want to do know anonymously because if she knows it is me who want to help her I don't think she will accept the money. Should I do it anonymously or I should let her know I am the one who want to help her. Advice me please

you are limited to think becoz of your inner guilt, your intention is very good and human but its easy to be anonymous and give her whatever you have

Davidave:
She can Bleep right off with that kind of attitude. It's not her money, and she is not entitled to it. That is YOUR money. Unless you had a joint bank account, you don't share it.

i guess its alright for her too, eg if she working earning enough money, her money is hers and she can built her house with her own money

Globetech:
Read it again, read from Wikipedia.
Tell a friend to help explain the edition of Wikipedia to you.

wikipedia is not a valid source anyone can edit and write what they want

Janosky:
That man is growing old but he NEVER grew up.

A man who has knowledge, experience , understanding of simple biology and common sense should know how to go about having the child of any gender he desires.

No be rocket science.

do you mind to share your knowledge please

Sholayeaminebir:
We've been married for 4momthhs now. We are both young, in my miidddle 20s my husband in his early 30.
My husband complains the reason he didn't ejaculated was because I wasn't feeling the sex and that I was dry. Even after I told him it might be as a result of the anti biotics I just finished taking. Pls what should I do

I shall talk in just in general, usually men like a dry pum pum by virtue of it makes it tight, the tighter is it the more men enjoy it, whereas it is the opposite on women, the dry she is more she is hurt, leaving skin bruises etc.

In your cases you are dry and your men doesnt cum, maybe you will be busy fighting him not to go deeper as it hurts you, hence he doesnt really enjoy.

Most common fault blamed on woman is being to wide or too wet meaning the tiedness is missing. You are dry usually dry makes the pumpum tight and men usually enjoy that and quickly cum

You taked of the anti biotics you are taking, what are they for and were you told of any side effects or you were just handed them over the counter?

Before taking the anti biotic were you also dry? Does he know the basic of making a woman wet,?

LilMissFavvy:
The solution is very simple.

You said he got his properties before marriage, therefore only his name is on the documents, fine. If he has properties already in his name, then why should he be so bothered about you getting your first ever property? Why should he worry when he knows your children will surely be the benefactors far in the future? His attitude is a red flag.

To avoid stress and drama, take your money, look for the best / safest bank, and open a fixed deposit account, then relax and continue saving. In few years time you will be able to make the right decision. In few years time, you should have had your babies, and get a trusted person who can assist you to quietly acquire whatever you want.

in theory its sound ok but in reality we find that in the event he passes away before his wife, relatives will fight to put hand on those properites and they also grab the kids to be their guadian etc, the reason is to have power on the kids and steal properties under the kids nose

Very few uncles have handed over what left for the kids from their father

Am not yet to see a woman who was left witj they aquired and went to loose it leaving nothing for the kids

As black people we fail to pass on what i generational wealth left by mom, daddy or both

Eg having a property can only be hands of yoyr children only when they reach a curtain age and no one can sell it but can only be passed on to their own kids and so on

Globetech:
[/b]The tribe where women raise and marry their children[b]

Bonda tribe in India is known as one of the primitive tribes that still exist even in 2022.

Usually, a woman will marry a boy at the age of 9-10 years and begin to live together as husband and wife; and within their relationship, the woman raises her husband so that when she becomes old he will have to take care of her. Women from the Bonda tribes get married between 25–30. If a boy passes the age of 14 he is considered as too old to be a husband.

The wife is also like a tutor that takes care of educating her “child husband” in all manners and making sure that once they reach an age when they can sustain themselves and the wife, they have the knowledge required to do so.

Due to this culture, the population within the Bonda tribes is mainly made of women and this is because women are seen as more valued than men within their culture. They are considered more powerful, more knowledgeable, and with a long life expectancy.

AN UNUSUAL WEDLOCK
One of the most unusual things about this tribe is their Marriage procession. Bonda women marry boys ten or twelve years younger than them. So a BONDA girl in her twenties marries a ten-year-old. She takes an oath to protect and feed her child husband until he becomes an adult. And the husband in return takes an oath to feed and protect the girl when she ages and loses her strength in future. Instead of dowry, they pay exact opposite, termed as ‘BRIDE PRICE’. Elder brother of child groom can pay the bride price, but the groom has to return it later compulsorily. Economic needs and physical support are the prime motives of such marriages; sexual relationship becomes a second priority. An intimate relationship is not established until boys become adults.

Source,: Womenofrubies.com

your article is misleading

Samantha123:
Why does it seems like Nigerians born abroad tend to look down on Nigerians born in Nigeria? I've noticed this mostly with some YouTubers on YouTube and it got me curious.

So, I was wondering if I could get more clarity from you guys.

Is it just me, or Nigerians born abroad look down on Nigerians born in Nigeria?

i think the simple answer, is take it down to two one born and raised in Lagos and born and raised deep in the village. The one born and raised in the village gets looked down upon when he moves into Lagos, shades will be thrown on him until he works hard to be like them, sound, dress and change name to fit the environment etc

Its everywhere

Nancyashu:
Hello everyone.

I am a newly married woman of less than 2years, 26weeks pregnant and I'm going through alot.
My husband and I were having a discussion. We have plans of investing together and he has a few assets however i told him that I would want to purchase a land in my own name so as to be financial secure for myself, the family and the children if anything happens in the future.
But he says he wouldn't let that happen and the moment I purchase a land in my own name. He would believe I am asking for a divorce and would divorce me.

Please is it wrong as a wife to have an investment in my own name,at least one?

you have good idea to secure the your future and kids but i think the way you presented it was wrong, most african dont think of securing the future of their children and wife after their are gone, they usually put the investment in one port through this name and it gets mess when is no more usually his relatives takes over and the rest is history

You could said you want to buy the land and put in the childrens name and the moment you mention your name he might think you want to kill him etc. Some men are just jealousy to his wife develop or living a legacy for her children under her own name, for her children who are also his children.

Most widow who are suffering is becoz invested in his name only and when he died family took over or chased her away. Few were left with legacy and blow it away

Its very funny, i hear lots of men here saying they will do anything for their mother because she suffered in providing for them but the monemt his own wife say he wants to invest in her name, you go crazy if she doesnt plan for a future without you (through death or even divorce ) your kids and her will suffer just like your mother did.


Very few woman fail to look after their own child, so if wife if left with both your legacy as man ( without drama from relatives) and her lagecy, the kids future is in safe hands, Most mem rush to think that she will eat my money with boyfriends etc but if she wise enough to think of the future she roughly wise to see, a man chasing her for her money.

The same unsuffering that you dont want your mother go through becoz of poor planning of your father for whatever reason, is the same you shouldnt want for your own wife and kids

finishmatter:
Let's face it!

A mother generally loves you no matter what horrors you commit. She would even take a bullet for you while your wife is more likely to put a bullet IN you.

A mother's love is generally unconditional. A wife's love has conditions - one slip up and you could find yourself on your backside.

A mother still loves you even after you fall in love with your wife.

A mom is a mom forever!!!.

But how does it feel if you have to beg your wife to bring your sick mom to your house for care


https://punchng.com/winning-marriage-battle/

this issue needs emotional intelligence, not to be just biased towards daughter in law, Something would have happened before, hence hubby is begging, what if mom in law was abusive

The queston is were are her own relatives, her own sisters, cousins etc

Yes in same cultures it is taboo for daughter in law to take care of her mother in law in very ill situations were daughter in law has to take care of her very personal care (bathing up and down
toilet) . If it happens like that the hubby's family has to pay for her gratitude. Daughter in law shouldnt see her mom's law unclothedness through such conditions while her other relatives are there.

If unfortunate that daughter in law at the end of if were hubby impose wife to look after the mother in law, Coming for treatment etc over a short period is ok and when mom
can still, do her own personal hygiene .

Its a complex issue that need intelligence and we might biased by love, culture and tradition.

Good points have been raised by few wereby if she dies, daugher in law is blamed

99% hubby wont do anything expect paying for the bills and food while wife had to take care of her, the kids and hubby, She will be exhuasted and no one changes her 24hr job

Its always easier for direct relatives to take care if their own, to avoid fights between mom and daughter in law

The same logic used in some cultures on the 1st pregnant wife is send back to her parents, on the last two or one month, for her mom to take care of her from there on till the baby is two months or more. Reason her mom can tolerate anything when comes to mood swing and can bath her in the worse can scenario
etc,

We are against mother -in -law coming in for treatment etc but are saying if she is ill to the point needing help with personal care, then its nolonger the duty of daughter in law, to take care of her unless the two have a very good relationship

From the story on the link the writer talks of his sisters helping him during university, but they dont appear anywhere in the role of looking after their mom.

Their is a common thing among some men, whereby they see that its the duty of their wives to look after their own mother, especially towards the end of their life. Its hard job to do
elderly people are not that easy to take care of especially if you got no training, on conditions they might have