₦airaland Forum

Promicah:
This my family story is something else.

My elder sis got pregnant out of wedlock and the guy that got her pregnant wasn't aware. So, she travelled to Abuja to stay with her friend, who told her to come over to learn hair plaiting business.

So my sister called the guy and told him and he was surprised and he refused to take responsibility.

To cut some details, her friend suggested she should meet someone at a close by hospital in Lugbe to sell the child.

She added that she shouldn't tell the guy. My sis refused and immediately her friend started treating her badly.

Last two weeks, she delivered a boy. It was like hell went loose. The friend kept maltreating her. Thank God for the woman who she's learning braiding hair from. She do bathe the boy.

Now, my sis just told me on Sunday that her friend chased her out of her house. She is staying with the woman that is teaching her hair with her family. I pity this young lad. What should I do now mature people here? I'm just a student.
Nlfpmod I need a wider view. God bless you mod.

Usually friends are the last option after all relatives from either sides

The question is were are the relatives?

There is nothing you can do except your sister taking control of the direction she wants to go

why she opted for a friend than relatives

akwesenana:
Not me though.

what i mean is this, naturally a mother is primary carer, she gives you food warmth etc, by time you start to grow up and reason thats when you loose the truth

But naturally u trust and follow her words and the moment you dont follow whats she
says whether good or bad thats when she also start say i curse this and that

this has physcological effect on you

becoz society and beliefs taught you that mothers can curse you start to associate failer with curse

The word curse builds "less confidence in making decisions and self value"

Then the word blessing builds confidence and self esteem

akwesenana:
It has been often said that if your Mother curses you, it will surely work.

Well, today I didn't wake up early to sweep the compound and my mother swept it(I believe she did so in order to find what to use and talk).

After that, she launched into a prolonged ululation about how useless I am and capped it off by saying "I'm already a failure".

Normally I wouldn't take this serious but this woman us fond of cursing her children at the slightest provocation and it seems to have effect one way or the other.


My eldest brother, I haven't set eyes on him in over 10 years and I don't have any idea of his whereabouts. Funny enough, it is his notes on HTML, CSS and JavaScript that I'm using to study now.


My second brother was on a path of uselessness but is now in a Polytechnic.

My sister finished at Unical over 2 years but is yet to receive her certificate because of a carryover. She left because she couldn't stand my mothers attitude.


Then there's me. I left home at 17 because I couldn't stand the curses and abuses then.
It was a wrong choice by me no doubt but it seems coming back home was the worst.

Not to talk of my late dad. Despite the fact that he trained her and seniored her with over 15 years, she would never hold her rain of curses on him even in front of we the children.

there is nothinf like cursing from a mother its cultural and traditional thing that is put in our minds as we grow up and we start to believe in especially in our own failers

The curse things ( lowers your confidence and we endup using as failer to success)

why is that mother are at good and cursing but not blessings

Mothers can not curse or bless the reason they use the worse curse is for you to fall in line usually out of good reason you be a better person

Out of all people a mother is the 1st person you trust in life, hence we are forced to obey them regardless of their individual devil ways

GboyegaD:
I am addressing your point on ladies deliberately getting pregnant.

as my as you want to deny it but ladies do that yes guys are also responsible for not taking the step make sure that no unplanned pregnancy happens


my point is and was its a common thing ladies trapping guys by deliberately failing pregnant as a way to uplift herself via marriage

GboyegaD:
Even if she says she is on contraceptives, the only one that works 100% is hysterectomy where the entire uterus is removed otherwise, there is at least a 0.0001% of it failing. Thus, everyman not yet ready should abstain or ensure they protect themselves.

like i said you missed the point, the guy is not refusing responsibility

GboyegaD:
Your statement is false. A girl can't get pregnant by herself. If he chose to dive raw, then he was looking forward to be a father and can be termed a deliberate act to impregnate a lady.

you missed the point

1 women can lie to say she is on contractives

2 when i say common it doesnt mean it applies to every case

tensazangetsu20:
But the girl is an orphan.

Op is in a terrible situation. I wonder why he would be foolish enough to impregnate a woman from such a background. Men just complicate their lives anyhow.

Being an orphan doesnt mean all extended families are also dead unless they never knew other relatives

Its a common thing for girls to deliberately fall pregnant and be married to escape poverty

tensazangetsu20:
Can you afford to start up something for her sisters so they can support themselves? She's probably Afraid of them being molested when they aren't under her care.

sounds good but also one might feel used becoz its not his responsibility to uplift them

relatives from both side of parents are the ones responsible for helping them to be on their feet
The girlfriend is fully responsible to uplift her sisters without making it the responsibility of her boyfriend/hubby to be

Yes he can do it out of love of his girlfriend but from the post he doesnt want to be sort of used

Give her space for now, while you save the money you are meant to be giving her. For now i think its the pregnant hormones raging

When reality kicks in, she will need your help. Think of it if she is really capable of looking after the child alone, then why does she want her sisters to live with you?

ObalendeCMS:
I wonder why a woman who carried a child in her womb for 9 months will end up selling, dumping and giving the child up for adoption. Where is the bond that has been formed between the mother and the unborn child? Women will continue to disgust me.

You are quite right in asking of the bond that get created but its well created when other things are ok
eg love, food shelter and mental health etc

Once those things start to lack or none avaliable, that bond can crack to the point that when the child is born, the mother is broken not care about the child

Mindlog:
It is you that reeks ignorance, who told you that men don't go with their wives (in this context) to see a gynecologist (OB/GYN) or did I advise, he alone go see one?

For him to be asking such questions online, indictes his wife is not sure or has no clue and both need to see a specialist to discuss it

Googling and reading health related issues online gives insight but should not substitute seeing a specialist when it is absolutely necessary.

1 if he had gone with his wife he wouldnt be asking us here

2 healing times and family planning methods dont need a gyno

3 specialist in what sense ?

He is asking general information that wife should know information that she gets given during pregnancy and after
Even older women of in the village have such information

A simple couple visit to the family planning clinic will answer his two question

[b][/b]

Mindlog:
I believe you read where in the same post, the OP asked about prevention of pregnancy? So both resumption of sex and prevention of pregnancy are the focus, reason it is not for Google but sitting down with their gynaecologist.

you are reading in rush and also you are bit ignorant

Keywords "how long does it takes to have sex with your wife after delivery"

1 if you read my responds, there are all focused on healing not the drug/s he mentioned

2 if you read carefully the OP sounds like a man so why would a man go see a gyno

3 All the information he is asking for, women are informed by their respective doctors, nurses,midwife etc

4 Any family planning clinic will give him information on which safe method of which there is no drug/s other than known family planning methods including morning after pill unless the "drug includes traditional/herbal methods"

For him to know all that, there are few ways 1invest in reading to aquire knowledge about it 2 go with your wife during her pregnacy and after to her midwiife/doctor such information is given to her and yourself
3 Ask your wife she share the information with you

Unfortunately for most African men we dont parcitipate in going with our wives to have better knowledge and understanding, hence yoy people like OP coming here asking the general people than starting by asking his wife what she has been told by the proffessionals

Mindlog:
She needs to see a gynecologist even if she had a natural birth, is it because we take so much for granted in Nigeria?

Let the gyno tell them the same thing but see one.

i think we are getting lost in assumptions here

the issue is not about seeing a gyno, as the information that was asked is about healing time, information that is given to women after they give birth either midwife or doctor

Every women who has given birth would be told given information about healing times and also
tips to quickly heal etc ( under the assumption that it is a natural birth without any complications)

Mindlog:
Such issue is not what you google up but need to go see a gynecologist.

you dont need to see a gyno to find
out the average healing time of a natural birth

Even if s/he visits te gyno, gyno will tell them
the same average healing times without any individual health conditions etc

yemmit90:
Individuals experiences are better than Google.

@op, it all depends on individual and nature of delivery. If there is no complication and the blood stopped in time, you can have sex after 4 weeks.

For the second question, if your wife is the type that dont menstrate during breastfeeding, she cannot easily get pregnant during this period. However, the best preventive method for the first 6 months after child birth is Condom.

so google doesnt have individual
expriences?

google direct you too dedicated webs sites from both individual experiences to medical/doctor and nurses forum

the truth is s/he is daft to understand that there is more information on google than on naira

tylerboy1501:
Good day fellas, how long does it takes to have sex with your wife after delivery??


Secondly what is the best drugs to take after sex to prevent pregnancy with your wife apart from family planning.

instead of googling you opened a thread

google would have gave you the answers you need instantly

than waiting for people to respond to your thread

Peace081:
Do you know that some women don't have the strength to push
Awareness should be made known that CS is also good as far as both mother and child are alive

you are missing the point,

its like she wont have power to push but the child would be also tired or her birth canal is not wild enough for the baby

So in other words though one can wish to deliver naturally but it is circumstances of the labour itself that would determine whether a ceaser op or natural birth

The decision for ceaser is other made before the due date due to circumstances that have been picked already eg high blood pressure problems then the other one decision is made during ACTIVE LABOUR aka were circumstances were by natural birth is nolonger safe neither mom or child or both

So dont sound as if women get the choice 100% and those who went through ceaser opted for it NOPE, widwife or doctor made that decision

Tunjibalogun:
Yes you heard me right. My brother seems to be from hell. He is the first son, family of 6 children

He was giving all the privileges in childhood, he went to one of the best secondary schools and did his masters in UK and was doing PhD before he was deported for alcohol related offences.
Prior to his departure to UK my brother tormented my parents, always having accidents that nearly claimed his life, my mom did nurse him in the hospital. He womanises and brought women to the house. My parents were tired and sent him to do his masters in the UK and he completed and was running his PhD. He became an offender and got deported. He recently drove off with my dad's car and crashed it necessitating us getting a new car for dad and just yesterday he went to drink again and crashed my daddy's car.
My 3 siblings stay in abroad, 2 in UK and 1 in USA, whereas I and my sister are doing very well in naija, then this my brother from hell made us 3 in naija
I have lost emotions for my brother, he brings my parents tears and nothing less.

My brother is from hell

And ?

Did you expect him to change aftet moving to UK ? From your narration he was already bad before moving to UK

He was already doomed as UK everything is by the book

Peace081:
It might be a stupid question to u but very educating to someone else

educating ? its just common sense, why would someone opt for a scar on her belly ?

Waterlilly:
why the insult, you can pass your point without insult's, be a gentleman........

i said its a stupid question, i didnt say the person is stupid, those are 2 different things

Gipre:
Hello everyone. Happy Sunday. Today, I'm not going to church because of the heavy rain falling here in my area in Lagos and my street gets flooded at times.

I want to narrate my experience at Ijebu-ode this past few weeks.

I'm from Imo state but I'm based in Lagos state.

In August, I got admitted into Ogun State College of Nursing Sciences, Ijebu-ode. When I saw my admission letter and saw "Ijebu-ode" because I have never been there before, I started making enquires about the place.

Most of the people I asked in Lagos about the place kept on telling me bad things about Ijebu-ode people and the place in general. I kept on wondering why?

A woman in my church who is from Ogun State too told me horrible things about the place despite being an indegene of the state.

I did all my school registration at the Ogun State Ministry of Health, Oke Mosan, Abeokuta and then proceeded to my school at Ijebu-ode for my School registeration.

The school is located at Oguntuga street, Omo Owo behind General Hospital Ijebu-ode.

The school said they do not give Accommodation to male students. Only females. To me, that is gender discrimination but that will be story for another day.

That was when my search for Accomodation began.

A female student who is in final year gave me contacts of two agents for me to call to get Accomodation. I decided to call one of them but he said he had only a room and Parlour for 250K

In my mind, I was like "Oga, I'm a student o, I no dey find Room and Parlour o. Even 250K sef, I no get". I just said OK and ended the conversation

I called the second agent who is an Ijebu-ode man. He even took me to his office close to General Hospital Ijebu-ode. He took me to a house which is a 2 bedroom apartment. The house is owned by one very old woman. This woman would be about over 100 years old. I think her children have all moved out of the house so the have empty rooms which they are renting the rooms to people.

He said the place is 250K but wants to repair the toilet/bathroom. He started to convince to take it and that he would bring someone to share the apartment with me so I will just pay half of the money (125K). Rent is 100K while 25K is Agency.

He then said if I can add extra 25K in top of it make it 150K, he will would repair the bad toilet BEFORE I MOVE IN. He said when he brings the next person and the person pays, he would give me back my 25K.

He kept on trying to convince me to take the place that is just a 1 minute walking distance to my school (the house is on the same street as my school).

I asked him to assure me he will would keep to his words because I can't even pay that amount with such toilet. He assured me and promised to transfer back my 25K.

He even asked me when I was going to move in I said Saturday (that was yesterday) and he said I should not worry, it is a one day work. He will do it before Saturday.

All these happened on Tuesday lastweek because school resumed that day. I transferred 150K to him which I borrowed. I gave him. He gave me receipt.

I travelled back to Lagos that day. All these while, I go from Lagos to Ijebu-ode. Very stressful if you ask me. I called him that evening but his phone was switched off. I felt maybe there was no light in his area.

I woke up on Wednesday and I had this strange weakness and heaviness all over my spirit and body. I am a child of God and I can spirit when God is telling me something. This heaviness of spirit lasted till night of that Wednesday and I kept on praying to God.

I remember telling someone that I'm spiriting something negative wants to happen so I prayed about it and moved on. I called him that Wednesday night still but his phone was still switched off.

I work up on Thursday morning still with that heaviness then I decided to call him in the afternoon and it rang. He picked and I asked him about the repairs he said he would do because I was to move in yesterday.

This man told me boldly that he would NOT do any repairs atall in that house until whenever he gets the second person to move in too and that was what he told me that day.

At that moment, I couldn't believe what I heard. Did this man just change the story he told me? Is this man trying to scam me? Did this man just breach agreement? I disagreed and told him he has breeched Agreement then he started raising his voice and did not know when he said that he can even give me back my money. I held on to that and told him to transfer my money back immediately but he refused saying I should come to Ijebu-ode with the receipt he gave me.

After this happened, I started having relief from that weakness and heaviness of spirit.
I started having divine peace.

I travelled down to Ijebu-ode on Friday and gave him the receipt. He started acting nice when he saw me and wanted both of us to talk. I did not even give him face atall because he is a Professional Criminal and Con-Artist.

I told him to transfer back my money. At that point, baba started acting like cartoon. Started blowing his phone and acting as if his phone was bad. Dismantling his phone and putting it back. Raising it up and down for it to catch network. What remains for him was to climb a pole to get network.

It took close to 30 minutes before he transferred my 150K back to me. Then he started causing trouble saying I should pay for his receipt 5K which I refused to pay. I only paid his so called reg fee of 2k which he told me the first day I was meant to pay for them to show u apartments.

So that is my ordeal with an agent at Ijebu-ode who tried to SCAM me.

My first time being in Ijebu-ode and having such ugly experience tells alot about what people have been telling me about the place and it's people.

Are there still good Ijebu-ode people

Should I use my real life experience to conclude on what people and indegenes of Ogun State have been telling me about Ijebu-ode people or did I just meet a bad one?

What are your thoughts?

if a landlord can fix things that attracts people to move in, do you expect him to fix them you are already in ?

Renting out a place is an investment, you fix your house/room with your own money and get back your money through rentals

Not that the tenant has to pay extra for things to be fixed and then move in

Onyi22:
What's your opinion on this


Cc Mynd44
Cc Lalasticlala
Cc Rocktation

this is a stupid question based on ignorance


We all know the natural way of delivering a child, its natural

The 2nd option is through a medical decision that if not done poses put life of the mother and the child at risky

Dont be ignorant

Obavoh:
I only posted for people to congratulate and bless my newborn baby.

https://www.nairaland.com/7358191/just-4th-child-26


I haven’t been able to come online as I’ve been busy with work and caring for my wife and newborn baby. I was shocked when I came online to see insults instead of congratulations.


I didn’t beg anyone for money yet nairalanders called me hungry and poor.
Some even went as far as saying my children will grow up to be armed robbers and prostitutes.

Since I married my wife, I have never begged or borrowed. I work hard to cater for my family.

Your cursed your family yourself, your brought your here and people spoke of what they think of you.

I guess you thought you are bragging to say you got 4 kids at 26 (something usually done by vilage people, seeking status and being called a real men by the number of kids you )

Unfortunately bragging and status doesnt put food on the tab lable

salvation77177:
Greetings fellow nairalanders,

I have an issue with my 2003 Highlander . I noticed recently that when I engaged the
the reverse gear the vehicle jerks when trying to remove my leg from the break pedal.
I don’t experience that kick when I shift to Drive, it only occurs when Reverse is engaged.
I talked to a mechanic, he initially said it was bad break lining but when he removed the rear breaks system they were still in good condition. He now said it may be ABS brake system that is bad
Do anyone have similar experience or have an of what could be the cause?

Running away from
mechanic thats sign that something is wrong with transmission aka gear box

Dalnadoni:
Hello Nairalanders,

I hope to get honest and open view about what to do in this situation.
So i lost my mom 2yrs ago, my mom had 5 children and am the third born of my mom. But I'm the first born of my dad reason being that my mom had married to a man at her early year and had two boys for the man before divosing and later got married to my dad.
Reason for the divorce was not something bad, but because the man my mom got married to earliar had three wives, and she had to leave because of rivary.
After she got married to my dad, he accepted to train the two boys. Now the first two boys are married, tho am not yet married am 28.

Now the issue is, my dad also died last year but unfortunatly he had no will and he had alot of properties. And because he had no will it very hard to share what he left and among who to share with.
I'm the first born of my dad and i think i should be one to decide how it goes, but my mom's first born is trying to play the role.
Pls what can i do because i dont want to fight him.

Your case can test inheritance laws both law and tradition

1 by law your are entitled to your father's estate excluding your half brothers

2 both of you half brothers/siblings and you are entitled to your mother's estate

3 your half siblings can not claim anything that bears your fathers name, that would be stealing your inheritance therefore in the eyes if the laws its double
dipping becoz they bear the own father's surname they cant dip onto your father's by virtue that you share the same mother. if your father adapoted them by changing their surname to his/yours then legally their entitled equally as you

4 Now that your mother is also dead, its a bit hard to calculate what entitlement was hers and then be pass on to your half siblings and yourself/children of your father


We all have both paternal and maternal rights to inheritance

in your specific case your half siblings have maternal inheritance on the estate of your mother only like what have been said by few you can share abit your fathers out of good heart only though it can be tricky on things like land or buildings, its very high value assest unless there are lots and can afford to give one or two away

unless if the selling price is ok you give a small recognition money and still buy another property aka land, therefore you would have treated them and still brothers/sister without having much onto what is not theirs.

In most african traditions children from another father dont inherit anything from the step father, becoz their paternal inheritance title is still at their father's

fineboynl:
Sometimes I don’t understand it: there are people who sleep with women just for once and they are done. Not to talk of giving Birth to 1,2,3 with same woman. There are reasons why some men have many wife or concubine.

We lose interest once we slept with a woman. The lust died and We might need them around some other day though. And not because we really want them like that oh but maybe because no one is available at the time.

based on your thinkingni guess its also good for your daddy to go out there enjoy himself and still come back to your mum and your mum should accept it

UnusualEmissary:
As far as I know, people bear their father's name by virtue of blood and lineage and not necessarily by virtue of responsibility and accountability.

If your father has birthed you in a legitimate marriage, you bear his name automatically by virtue of such arrangement as you have become linked to his lineage by blood and relation. It is not necessary that he fulfils his obligations as father before that phenomenon of answering his name becomes a thing.

Your mum is probably pained from the experience with him but sentiments shouldn't be applied to influence proper arrangements. He has birthed you already, you are linked to his lineage already and there's nothing that can be done to change that.

you are right in the sense of tradition and herediterty etc that can not change

What You missed is ,the mum wants them to drop the father's surname on thier birth certificates, which is something that one can do aslong there are above 18 years and their considered as an adult

The law doesnt care about your blood link or tradition etc it will allow to change it to whatever you like.

The problem here is if the two brothers are above 18 its hard for the mum to force this two grown up people (by law)

AquaPetals:
My sister dated this guy for 6 years. They planned on getting married December. Both did blood tests yesterday and her fiancé turned out to be AS. She is AS as well.
She was shocked because the guy initially told her he was AA. In fact she only agreed to sleep with him for the first time because he promised her marriage and when she inquired then about his genotype, he lied about it.
Now he says his genotype must have changed. My sister is devastated right now. I told her to go ahead with the marriage and plan for adoption.

Your sister had the guts to tell you
that she sleep with becoz she had been
promised marriage.

You are stupid as your sister to come here and tell us the story

Who goes around telling people a story that involves his own sister being slept with ?

concho:
I will say this in front of the family . The mum is the pilot here .

well in my view aslong you have said it in front of her its all good

concho:
Did you ever experience what I’m experiencing now or have a way around it

might not type well because I lack coordination right now .
My girlfriend of 4 years came back from a one week church program to tell me that the Man of God said I’m not the right person for her .

I am already making marriage plans before she brought this up .

I would actually just walk away on a norm, but she is actually the best thing that has happen to me over the years .

Don’t even know how to start going about this , I am very confused

Someone should help me please
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) (Share)

why are you confused

the pastor doesnt know you at all, you know yourself better than and your girlfriend.

If the pastor can see that you are not the right person why waste his energy pointing at the so "not right" and point her to the right guy ?

Just your girl the truth that you were already making plans for marriage and if she believes that pastor is saying the truth then she can also ask pastor point her to the right person

Mathematricks:
It's not like I'm feeling entitled to their money or what. I've been trying not to see it from the entitlement perspective of view, but I just have to voice it out — can't hold it any longer. For Christ sake, I AM YOUR BRO!

My sister that is serving in one of the Air force base in the South South and also collects monthly 33k from FG sent me #2k for Post UTME form yersternite instead of the #4,500 I requested. Her reason is that she spends a lot [over 10k daily] these days, henceforth she doesn't want to remove much money again. — not that she does not have o. Chai, there is God o! E reach my turn you turn economist. Someone that is using iPhone 12 Pro Max.

She lives with my uncle and his family. Feeding is free, so is transportation. because my uncle gives her money for all these. So what heck is she spending over 10k on daily?

the problem is you are alreading doing budget with her own money

no matter how good her salary is she is entitled however she wants without considering you