...

PocketEconomist: i don't know why i agree with this post. It is 85 percent true. You earn submissiveness from your wife by doing your part, not demanding it.

So wrong. Some women will still never submit even if you seem to have it all.

2Buff,

A little late to the thread. I read your post and had to sign up for a Nairaland account just to thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on women and humility.

In many ways, I meet the criteria of the woman you talk about in this post. I am in my late 20s, fairly educated, Christian, in ministry, business owner. Because I am a Christian, I would never dare to open my mouth to talk about the kind of chair somebody has asked me to sit on. But I am very headstrong and my ex even once told me "I am not your employee!" I get toasted a lot but the very eligible guys have actually done the whole "floating away" thing a few times. Funny enough, as you have mentioned, I blamed it on my not having the conventional body (even though my exes were crazy about it). I also thought it might be because I live outside Africa, or because I have refused to have sex before marriage. Or perhaps because - I'm sure you've heard this one a lot - I'm intimidating.

One mentor told me years ago that he doesn't think any man in this generation would be able to lead me, so I should just consider not being married. Most of my friends say it is only a man in his late 30s or early 40s who can handle me. Thankfully I don't mind older men... but this is beside the point.

Yesterday, I had a lengthy chat with a friend who said I need to learn to be a damsel in distress. I asked myself how I can pretend to be in distress if I am not distressed. He responded to my thoughts, saying, "Be a bit more accommodating. You are too much of a superwoman. Allow a man to save you. Don't know too much."

I have been asking God to show me where I am going wrong. Here is another year coming to a close and I have not met Mr. Right. Instead of thinking "Hian! I have suffered oooooo..." or thinking it is an attack because my ministry has to do with relationships, I have had to wake up and remind myself that it might not just be about meeting the right person, but also about being the right person and making the adjustments that would enable me to be an asset in my husband's home and for him not to be ashamed (or regret) that I carry his name. It is not difficult for God to give me a husband. But He will not leave His child in my hands, so to speak, only for the poor man to suffer.

Marriage is something I desire. I just need to humble myself, it appears. I have never had that princess mentality. I am not high-maintenance. I am not a feminist; far from it. But I need to remember that I am a woman. It is funny how the things that matter to men are as simple as they are weighty. Feed them. Respect them. Give them sex (in the right context). There is no home with two heads. I have not read the responses from other females (I'll read through the thread as soon as I post this) but I glanced at one and can imagine how volatile it got. I personally choose to accept and appreciate your help. You may not know it but your post has sown into my marriage already. May God bless you for taking the time to help us ladies. May God bless the mods for pushing it to front page which is all I usually read. May God bless Nairalanders for not chastising me for this epistle! And may God help us ladies, in Jesus' Name!

Thanks 2Buff.

dnacrystal: The fact that my husband loves me doesn't mean he wouldn't be able to take the final decisions. I know where I stand as the woman and he knows where he stands as the man in the relationship. I'm to respect him and he is to love me. If he truly loves me, he wouldn't make a decision that affects us both without caring to know how i feel about it. If our views are different, he would take a logical decision that would not hurt me in any way except for my will not being done. And I know I will submit to him; you don't have to believe me but its true. My point is that I don't owe submission to all the men on planet earth, just the man that loves me. I am not a tool for all men to to boost their self-esteems on, just that man.

PERFECT!

bettermike: So wrong. Some women will still never submit even if you seem to have it all.

Then that woman does not deserve you. Kick her sorry a.ss out! A good husband deserves a good wife and vice versa. This is one of the things guys should look out for when dating.

...

sweetroses:



Chai!

You people must be really desperate for submission o! :O

For you to open brand new accounts and start pretending to be women :X

jewel4Hiscrown: 2Buff,

A little late to the thread. I read your post and had to sign up for a Nairaland account just to thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on women and humility.

In many ways, I meet the criteria of the woman you talk about in this post. I am in my late 20s, fairly educated, Christian, in ministry, business owner. Because I am a Christian, I would never dare to open my mouth to talk about the kind of chair somebody has asked me to sit on. But I am very headstrong and my ex even once told me "I am not your employee!" I get toasted a lot but the very eligible guys have actually done the whole "floating away" thing a few times. Funny enough, as you have mentioned, I blamed it on my not having the conventional body (even though my exes were crazy about it). I also thought it might be because I live outside Africa, or because I have refused to have sex before marriage. Or perhaps because - I'm sure you've heard this one a lot - I'm intimidating.

One mentor told me years ago that he doesn't think any man in this generation would be able to lead me, so I should just consider not being married. Most of my friends say it is only a man in his late 30s or early 40s who can handle me. Thankfully I don't mind older men... but this is beside the point.

Yesterday, I had a lengthy chat with a friend who said I need to learn to be a damsel in distress. I asked myself how I can pretend to be in distress if I am not distressed. He responded to my thoughts, saying, "Be a bit more accommodating. You are too much of a superwoman. Allow a man to save you. Don't know too much."

I have been asking God to show me where I am going wrong. Here is another year coming to a close and I have not met Mr. Right. Instead of thinking "Hian! I have suffered oooooo..." or thinking it is an attack because my ministry has to do with relationships, I have had to wake up and remind myself that it might not just be about meeting the right person, but also about being the right person and making the adjustments that would enable me to be an asset in my husband's home and for him not to be ashamed (or regret) that I carry his name. It is not difficult for God to give me a husband. But He will not leave His child in my hands, so to speak, only for the poor man to suffer.

Marriage is something I desire. I just need to humble myself, it appears. I have never had that princess mentality. I am not high-maintenance. I am not a feminist; far from it. But I need to remember that I am a woman. It is funny how the things that matter to men are as simple as they are weighty. Feed them. Respect them. Give them sex (in the right context). There is no home with two heads. I have not read the responses from other females (I'll read through the thread as soon as I post this) but I glanced at one and can imagine how volatile it got. I personally choose to accept and appreciate your help. You may not know it but your post has sown into my marriage already. May God bless you for taking the time to help us ladies. May God bless the mods for pushing it to front page which is all I usually read. May God bless Nairalanders for not chastising me for this epistle! And may God help us ladies, in Jesus' Name!

Thanks 2Buff.

"Feed them, respect them". Men dont need a challenger (woman who would stand up to them). We need an intelligent supporter (woman who can take orders even if she thinks her ideas are better).

jewel4Hiscrown: 2Buff,

A little late to the thread. I read your post and had to sign up for a Nairaland account just to thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on women and humility.

In many ways, I meet the criteria of the woman you talk about in this post. I am in my late 20s, fairly educated, Christian, in ministry, business owner. Because I am a Christian, I would never dare to open my mouth to talk about the kind of chair somebody has asked me to sit on. But I am very headstrong and my ex even once told me "I am not your employee!" I get toasted a lot but the very eligible guys have actually done the whole "floating away" thing a few times. Funny enough, as you have mentioned, I blamed it on my not having the conventional body (even though my exes were crazy about it). I also thought it might be because I live outside Africa, or because I have refused to have sex before marriage. Or perhaps because - I'm sure you've heard this one a lot - I'm intimidating.

One mentor told me years ago that he doesn't think any man in this generation would be able to lead me, so I should just consider not being married. Most of my friends say it is only a man in his late 30s or early 40s who can handle me. Thankfully I don't mind older men... but this is beside the point.

Yesterday, I had a lengthy chat with a friend who said I need to learn to be a damsel in distress. I asked myself how I can pretend to be in distress if I am not distressed. He responded to my thoughts, saying, "Be a bit more accommodating. You are too much of a superwoman. Allow a man to save you. Don't know too much."

I have been asking God to show me where I am going wrong. Here is another year coming to a close and I have not met Mr. Right. Instead of thinking "Hian! I have suffered oooooo..." or thinking it is an attack because my ministry has to do with relationships, I have had to wake up and remind myself that it might not just be about meeting the right person, but also about being the right person and making the adjustments that would enable me to be an asset in my husband's home and for him not to be ashamed (or regret) that I carry his name. It is not difficult for God to give me a husband. But He will not leave His child in my hands, so to speak, only for the poor man to suffer.

Marriage is something I desire. I just need to humble myself, it appears. I have never had that princess mentality. I am not high-maintenance. I am not a feminist; far from it. But I need to remember that I am a woman. It is funny how the things that matter to men are as simple as they are weighty. Feed them. Respect them. Give them sex (in the right context). There is no home with two heads. I have not read the responses from other females (I'll read through the thread as soon as I post this) but I glanced at one and can imagine how volatile it got. I personally choose to accept and appreciate your help. You may not know it but your post has sown into my marriage already. May God bless you for taking the time to help us ladies. May God bless the mods for pushing it to front page which is all I usually read. May God bless Nairalanders for not chastising me for this epistle! And may God help us ladies, in Jesus' Name!

Thanks 2Buff.

touching. May you find a husband that will love you the right way. As a man, i tell you that our requirements aren't much, just be a woman, not a she male. A man is to protect his woman, not to be intimidated by her, God bless you for your honesty and remember to give testimony on his goodness this coming year.

sweetroses:



Chai!

You people must be really desperate for submission o!

For you to open brand new accounts and start pretending to be women

abeg expantiate. How do you know she's not a woman?

bettermike: We need an intelligent supporter (woman who can take orders even if she thinks her ideas are better).

thats your daughter not your wife. Difference between the 2 is that your daughter just does whatever the hell you tell her no matter how silly it may sound and a wife would suggest an alternative if she knows her idea is better

bettermike: "Feed them, respect them". Men dont need a challenger (woman who would stand up to them). We need an intelligent supporter (woman who can take orders even if she thinks her ideas are better).

my brother, order is a strong word. How about instructions or maybe guidelines or decisions? Cheers.

...

PocketEconomist: touching. May you find a husband that will love you the right way. As a man, i tell you that our requirements aren't much, just be a woman, not a she male. A man is to protect his woman, not to be intimidated by her, God bless you for your honesty and remember to give testimony on his goodness this coming year.

"A man is to protect his woman, not to be intimidated by her "

So because a woman does not share your views, she is suddenly a man posing as a woman... What
One thing I have also noticed is that, it is women who actually look down on other women, not men.....
Its no longer about equal rights anymore, its more lyk "low self opinion".. The title "women" is suddenly so insultive to "women", its little wonder successful women look down on other women and call them "women".. Like its some kind of insult,
I think the best way for women to exercise their independence is to stay away from marriage entirely.. Its more convenient for men anyway... If humans had not invented monogamy, I'm quite sure people won't be having a problem with submission....

sweetroses:

Only a mentally r£tarded person would believe that a woman actually typed that silly post.

In other words, that lady is mentally retarded abi??

PocketEconomist: my brother, order is a strong word. How about instructions or maybe guidelines or decisions? Cheers.

Your choice of words are great. You read my mind well. Thanks.

sweetroses:

Only a mentally r£tarded person would believe that a woman actually typed that silly post.

i believe her but am very sure am not mentally retarded. Are you sure you are ....? Anyways, whats your problem with her/him sef?

safarigirl: bros you just dey yarn dust. There are MANY marriages in Nigeria where the husband and wife have turned the house to WWE arena, where did you get that idea that every married woman in Nigeria is submissive or every submissive woman is married? Submissive women tend to be extremely dull and slow, they can't do anything without being told to, they can't make decisions on their own, they're no better than housemaids and are of little or no use to their husbands. You'll never appreciate that smart, sharp, independent woman until the dull carpet you left at home starts calling you when you're in a different state/country to ask you silly questions like if she should pay the guys that dispose the trash (I had a neighbor like this, sickening)

Submissive women are powerful and FAR from being dull, they are very wise and sharp. A submissive woman is an influencer - as has often been said, she is the neck that turns the head. A wise woman can cause her husband to adopt her wise idea while thinking it is his own. In fact many times I have seen a woman do what her husband tells her to, smiling inwardly because she knows that months before she suggested and prayed about it and now here he is saying, "Honey, I think we should ABCD." The submissive woman's husband is known in the gates for a reason, and she has no problem with bolstering him in the background. It is the rude, loud-mouthed, violent, lazy, competitive, aggressive, nightly owambe patron that is dull and slow. Please do not mistake submission for foolishness or being a doormat. Submission is lethal especially when coupled with patience - Abigail was submissive, but so was Delilah, in her weird way! Jezebel ("you can get what you want!" ) and Vashti ("who does this man think he is to tell me this?" ) would be seen as very progressive today, but one was kicked out of the palace into oblivion, and the other's blood was licked by dogs. Be careful! A wise woman builds her home; the foolish one plucks it down with her hands.

sweetroses:



Chai!

You people must be really desperate for submission o!

For you to open brand new accounts and start pretending to be women

Hahaha!! Oh wow! No o, I'm actually a woman.

...

sweetroses:

Only a mentally r£tarded person would believe that a woman actually typed that silly post.

Again... woman through and through.

Mondisweets: thats your daughter not your wife. Difference between the 2 is that your daughter just does whatever the hell you tell her no matter how silly it may sound and a wife would suggest an alternative if she knows her idea is better

Thats my point exactly. I want my woman to trust my decisions and not disregard my authority at every opportunity. Yes she can profer alternatives but she should let it end there and allow me make the decisions. A ship can never have two captains and stil sail peacefully.

...

PocketEconomist: touching. May you find a husband that will love you the right way. As a man, i tell you that our requirements aren't much, just be a woman, not a she male. A man is to protect his woman, not to be intimidated by her, God bless you for your honesty and remember to give testimony on his goodness this coming year.

Amen and will do.

Mondisweets: thats your daughter not your wife. Difference between the 2 is that your daughter just does whatever the hell you tell her no matter how silly it may sound and a wife would suggest an alternative if she knows her idea is better

Any woman who trusts her man enough to marry him should be bold enough to respect and trust his decisions. If you dont think his decisions are wise enough for you then look elsewhere and abide. Marriage must be a leader/follower relationship. Not leader/leader. You get?

I reiterate, Family, just like all institutions have a head, or director. From countries to universities tn courts to companies and the list is endless. An institution needs a head, and in the case of the family institution, the husband is the head. That is the TRUTH. Let us be truthful, how many stubborn head women have hapz family life? I know so many stubborn head Nigerian women in Los angeles and i can tell you that they are MISERABLE. And what they are now doing is to mislead the younger ones. Ladies beware!

bettermike: Any woman who trusts her man enough to marry him should be bold enough to respect and trust his decisions. If you dont think his decisions are wise enough for you then look elsewhere and abide. Marriage must be a leader/follower relationship. Not leader/leader. You get?

Marriage is also a division of labour. I believe everyone should know their roles and play them well. Plus i believe men should trust women enough to play their part likewise women trusting men to play their part. And they'll live happily ever after.

sweetroses:

Jor, get off my back please.

I am not interested in your assertions of femininity so save it.

Your name is sweetroses, but should it perhaps be bitterleaf... ?? You seem to be upset about something that cannot be solved on Nairaland. My apologies for offending you; consider me officially "off your back".

Anyway... to respond to a few other posts I've seen... all this talk about earning submission does not make sense. The fact that a woman is called to submit to her husband does not mean she is less human or not equal to him. It is simply because God said that this is the order. The Bible says Jesus submitted to His Father; this did not make Him any less God than He has always been. Bringing the example closer home, I heard someone give the analogy of a CEO at the helm of a company. Many times he is not as educated as his juniors - many times he is even a bit of an airhead but placed in that position because he is a family heir or something like that. He did not earn his CEO position, but he is the CEO...and his subordinates, many of whom might be way more educated than he is, have to comply with his regulations. While the dynamics are not identical in marriage, the concept is the same.

Every man "earned" submission from his wife when God said it starting in Genesis 3:16 and going on to the Ephesians 5s and all those. The fact that some men are irresponsible does not negate that; just like the fact that some women are unsubmissive and *appear* successful does not mean it should be the norm.

bettermike: Any woman who trusts her man enough to marry him should be bold enough to respect and trust his decisions. If you dont think his decisions are wise enough for you then look elsewhere and abide. Marriage must be a leader/follower relationship. Not leader/leader. You get?

even the so called most wise people that ever lived still needed the guidance and support of their wives. Their wives made suggestions to them where the wives felt, whatever the had to offer was much more ideal. You clearly have no idea what marriage is all about.

PocketEconomist: I reiterate, Family, just like all institutions have a head, or director. From countries to universities tn courts to companies and the list is endless. An institution needs a head, and in the case of the family institution, the husband is the head. That is the TRUTH. Let us be truthful, how many stubborn head women have hapz family life? I know so many stubborn head Nigerian women in Los angeles and i can tell you that they are MISERABLE. And what they are now doing is to mislead the younger ones. Ladies beware!

Superb! Splendid! Exceptional! I hope our ladies will start learning from all these and begin to turn a new leaf. We already have a testimony (jewel4hiscrown) and thats something to be proud about.

jewel4Hiscrown:

Your name is sweetroses, but should it perhaps be bitterleaf... ?? You seem to be upset about something that cannot be solved on Nairaland. My apologies for offending you; consider me officially "off your back".

Anyway... to respond to a few other posts I've seen... all this talk about earning submission does not make sense. The fact that a woman is called to submit to her husband does not mean she is less human or not equal to him. It is simply because God said that this is the order. The Bible says Jesus submitted to His Father; this did not make Him any less God than He has always been. Bringing the example closer home, I heard someone give the analogy of a CEO at the helm of a company. Many times he is not as educated as his juniors - many times he is even a bit of an airhead but placed in that position because he is a family heir or something like that. He did not earn his CEO position, but he is the CEO...and his subordinates, many of whom might be way more educated than he is, have to comply with his regulations. While the dynamics are not identical in marriage, the concept is the same.

Every man "earned" submission from his wife when God said it starting in Genesis 3:16 and going on to the Ephesians 5s and all those. The fact that some men are irresponsible does not negate that; just like the fact that some women are unsubmissive and *appear* successful does not mean it should be the norm.

Did i read this post well? *cleans my eyes* Let's be truthful, submission is gonna be hard for a woman who married an irresponsible, insecure and abusive man.