PocketEconomist: Did i read this post well? *cleans my eyes* Let's be truthful, submission is gonna be hard for a woman who married an irresponsible, insecure and abusive man.

Mondisweets:
even the so called most wise people that ever lived still needed the guidance and support of their wives. Their wives made suggestions to them where the wives felt, whatever the had to offer was much more ideal. You clearly have no idea what marriage is all about.

bettermike: Marriage is also a division of labour. I believe everyone should know their roles and play them well. Plus i believe men should trust women enough to play their part likewise women trusting men to play their part. And they'll live happily ever after.

PocketEconomist: If you see the current state of many Nigerian families in the US, you go cry. Woman stubborn, man unyielding, e.t.c. And divorce is the next thing. Their children become wrecks, i repeat, if you see the situation, you go cry. After divorce, they start carrying Afro boys who are only out to chop belle full and clean mouth At the end, they are frustrated. And it's too late. I saw more stable white and asian marriages than black marriages arround me. So sad.

jewel4Hiscrown:

It's NOT easy. That's why it's important to choose wisely. No woman should marry an irresponsible, insecure or abusive man. I draw many examples from the Bible and have to mention Abigail again; how did such a wise woman end up with a man like Nabal, who almost destroyed her and his entire household? If a Christian woman for instance ends up with this irresponsible, insecure, abusive man, and then is stuck because he lives very very long and does not commit adultery so she cannot divorce, yet the Bible tells her to submit, she will end up very bitter. Of course in this day and age people change husbands like wrapper, so...

njokusboy:

Lolzz, I wasn't going off, I was deliberately expanding the topic... I didn't say a girl should entertain a wheelbarrow pusher, dats absurd, I'd personally chase any such wheel barrow pushers with a matchete if they come knocking at my house.. I was merely stressing the fact that women should lower their expectations, part of the reason why there are so many unmarried, pretty ladies is bacause most won't even give you a second look if you dont drive a range, live in VGC and more absurd,look lyk brad pitt... Let's face it, there are more women than men as it is and the number of men in the rich category are less than 20% so there is likely to be a whole lot of unmarried women in the near future, if they don't stop making materialism a priority... My cousin for one, she is an accountant but the man she married doesn't even have a degree, just a struggling man trying to survive and they are happily married.. Now how many women do you think would go for that??

bettermike: You are right; Av never been married (even though am very very ready); however, i have seen what worked in other marriages. I believe i mentioned it in one of my posts that a woman can advise but it should end there. Anything more will be detrimental to marraige. It is left to her to ensure she's not marrying a wrong leader.

njokusboy:

Lolzz, my friend go to sleep..Define barbaric actions?? Did this thread say it was owk for men to beat up women So you now want to disagree with the teachings of the scriptures because you are supposedly getting wiser If saying women should be submissive to their husbands or be more humble makes a man ignorant and chauvinistic then what does that make you who advocates and encourages divorce Morally bankrupt, arrogant and totally confused I guess... So a man pays ur bride price, brings you into his home and you don't think dat is enough reason to respect him even if the biblical injunctions are nothing to go by... Its because your mother was submissive to ur father and you are not from a broken home, dat is why you are so bold coming here to talk what you know little or nothing about... Go and interview kids from broken homes, maybe you would get a clue...

Otseh:

He's lying.

Infact many of the men on this thread are lying about how there are so many single ladies, how it is 6 women to one man, how there are women of 30 and above in their church etc etc because they want women to panic and think that they have to settle for less and put up with any man that comes their way so they don't end up alone.

There are many single women fine;
There are also single men.

I don't know why nairaland men want to kill themselves over the issue of single women in nigeria. Every day single women this, single women that.
Una no dey tire?
Are the single women complaining to you abi why have you decided to carry their matter on your head?

Adaeze003:

Don't mind them. Looking for who to intimidate by saying stuff like 'when you're 35 come back' and 'we are the ones to marry girls'. Yes, a man will find a girl to marry with a dirty attitude but NOT every girl and probably not a humble girl. You'll find em pretenders and 'I must marry this year' girls that will tear you after 'I do'. Lmao

So, say I'm humble and I marry a guy that is not/less humble how do I correct him? Or is it only girls that need correction? Its a two way thing no matter how you put it. A man who's pride preceeds him is just a huge turn off as a woman also.

2buff: Please see the "EDIT" section of the opening post again. I wrote down my further thoughts there.

2buff:

That would be your fault wouldn't it?
Before you say yes, you don't judge a long-term mate based on just how they treat you, but by how they treat others as well.
Because when all the hormones wear off, you might become one of those "others" to each other, if not worse.

You would have picked up those traits from him while you were dating....assuming that wasn't even the part of him you liked, or if you weren't too busy dulling your senses with premarital knacking.

Very few things are surprises. Your saying yes to the ring isn't just some romantic obligation because "that's how its done in the movies". It's you saying you can live with the perceived faults of the person.

Danhumprey: Lol. You're right. Feminism has really eaten deep into the consciousness of the ladies. And they think it's helping them. It isn't helping at all! Humility,as 2buff said should be the watchword. You ladies don't chose the man you want to marry,but a man chose the lady he want to marry. Be wise!

njokusboy:

Lolzz, my friend go to sleep..Define barbaric actions?? Did this thread say it was owk for men to beat up women So you now want to disagree with the teachings of the scriptures because you are supposedly getting wiser If saying women should be submissive to their husbands or be more humble makes a man ignorant and chauvinistic then what does that make you who advocates and encourages divorce Morally bankrupt, arrogant and totally confused I guess... So a man pays ur bride price, brings you into his home and you don't think dat is enough reason to respect him even if the biblical injunctions are nothing to go by... Its because your mother was submissive to ur father and you are not from a broken home, dat is why you are so bold coming here to talk what you know little or nothing about... Go and interview kids from broken homes, maybe you would get a clue...

PocketEconomist: To me, this bride price of a thing has always been dangerous business... This is especially true of my people (Igbo) I've seen with my twn eyes where a family demanded that the groom lay foundation of their house before marrying her. I've also heard of ridiculous amounts such as 4m worth of things, e.t.c. After paying all these, many of these men see their wives as possessions and try to control her. One of my uncles even asked me... E le mgbe i ga-azu ahia bata n'ulo meaning when will i buy market. He is refering to marriage as market and wife as commodity. Smh. So my sisters, you see, as long as some men see marriage as nzu ahia, you might not get respect from him. That's the truth.

bukatyne:

I think it should be scrapped.

In my place, it is usually returned to the grooms parents.

You seem to have a very matured view about these things. Keep it up, God will surely bless you with the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh!

Compliments of the season

TDN:

I'm just not sure we like that word SUBMIT. Sorry it gives me chills. On the other hand, let both of us agree we are equal for peace to reign. Times have changed, you guys should try to evolve. Why insist on living in the past.

Its very simple. Women can literally do anything you can and more, is it logical to ask that we call you master. Battle of the sexes will go on and on until men realise that women are human beings too. Why won't you accept that we simply can't comprehend submission and the question we should be asking is how do we relate to each other knowing the status quo has changed.

Wislet: YOU DO NOT LIKE THE WORD 'SUBMIT' WHICH THE BIBLE INSTRUCTED WOMEN TO DO TOWARD YOUR HUSBANDS.?

Are you a christian??

Why do you find the word ambiguous? Are you perchance, stiffnecked?

CAN TWO CAPTAINS DRIVE A SHIP? Or you want to drag the headship of the home with your husband?

Submission does not mean slavery. If you do not know the meaning, do a search. It does not mean your husband should oppress you/relegate you to the gutter(MEN TAKE NOTE TOO). If any man has such a mentality, then it is unfortunate and he should discard such.

But, some women have not said EXACTLY what they fear in men that gets them aggressive any time they hear 'submit'.

Negative experiences in past relationships could cause that, broken homes, homes where the mother is beaten/maltreated and children relegated to the background, etc....these can result in the bitter experiences some women have toward men.

Men, pleass learn to treat your women with love. Treat them as you would love your own self to be treated by someone else. Love them as Christ commanded you 'AS HE LOVED HIS CHURCH THAT HE GAVE UP HIS LIFE FOR IT'.

You know how much love one will have for someone that he will be very willing to give up his life for it? That is EXACTLY how much you SHOULD and MUST love your wife!

This will go a long way in preventing a lot of these aggession exhibited by young women today. When children witness their mothers being maltreated, especially the girls amongst them, this is the result. If it's the boys, some copy that and think that is how they should treat women, and the bad cycle continues!

Married people get the family front right! You have a lot to teach and do. You are not hidden. Children are watching you!

Submit accrding to Oxford goes,''To accept the Authority, control or superior strength of sb/sth; to yield to sb/sth''.

If you notice, that is how the church sees Christ. We submit to His authority and control and yield to Him because of His superior strength, we rely on His strength. That is as it should be. When a woman removes every pride and treats her husband even half the way she would treat Christ himself, I think a lot of things will be remedied.

As for the men, the love of Christ for His church is one devoid of oppresion. HE, in spite of being who He is says,''come, let us reason together''. Do you see your wife as someone whose opinion should not be sought in decision making?
Christ endured mockery, pain and insults from the people He came to save, and saved us in spite of all that. How many of us slap our wives the slightest provocation?
etc.
Should you as mere man do any less?

jewel4Hiscrown:

I don't think any woman is particularly in love with the word "submit." Doesn't help that in this day and age, many other women will regard her as a fool for choosing to do it and every trend and media whatever makes it out to be this dull bushwoman concept that no intelligent woman would embrace. Like every other right thing, it is not easy, it cannot be done in our own strength. Imagine your man says something blatantly wrong in public. It's very disrespectful to correct him or interrupt him right there, even if everybody else knows he is wrong. And then, in some issues, you might just not agree, even if you try and try to compromise. In cases like that, where there is a deadlock, because you have to submit, what he says, stands. Very hard! That's why the humility must start veeery early. But of course it's more than possible. Shining one's eye early on can prevent night vigils and prayer chains and fastings and running to Ojigbani for your phone to beep at 3pm with a text from your future husband

jewel4Hiscrown:

Your name is sweetroses, but should it perhaps be bitterleaf... ?? You seem to be upset about something that cannot be solved on Nairaland. My apologies for offending you; consider me officially "off your back".

Anyway... to respond to a few other posts I've seen... all this talk about earning submission does not make sense. The fact that a woman is called to submit to her husband does not mean she is less human or not equal to him. It is simply because God said that this is the order. The Bible says Jesus submitted to His Father; this did not make Him any less God than He has always been. Bringing the example closer home, I heard someone give the analogy of a CEO at the helm of a company. Many times he is not as educated as his juniors - many times he is even a bit of an airhead but placed in that position because he is a family heir or something like that. He did not earn his CEO position, but he is the CEO...and his subordinates, many of whom might be way more educated than he is, have to comply with his regulations. While the dynamics are not identical in marriage, the concept is the same.

Every man "earned" submission from his wife when God said it starting in Genesis 3:16 and going on to the Ephesians 5s and all those. The fact that some men are irresponsible does not negate that; just like the fact that some women are unsubmissive and *appear* successful does not mean it should be the norm.

Wislet: YOU DO NOT LIKE THE WORD 'SUBMIT' WHICH THE BIBLE INSTRUCTED WOMEN TO DO TOWARD YOUR HUSBANDS.?

Are you a christian??

Why do you find the word ambiguous? Are you perchance, stiffnecked?

CAN TWO CAPTAINS DRIVE A SHIP? Or you want to drag the headship of the home with your husband?

Submission does not mean slavery. If you do not know the meaning, do a search. It does not mean your husband should oppress you/relegate you to the gutter(MEN TAKE NOTE TOO). If any man has such a mentality, then it is unfortunate and he should discard such.

But, some women have not said EXACTLY what they fear in men that gets them aggressive any time they hear 'submit'.

Negative experiences in past relationships could cause that, broken homes, homes where the mother is beaten/maltreated and children relegated to the background, etc....these can result in the bitter feelings some women have toward men.

Men, please learn to treat your women with love. Treat them as you would love your own self to be treated by someone else. Love them as Christ commanded you 'AS HE LOVED HIS CHURCH THAT HE GAVE UP HIS LIFE FOR IT'.

You know how much love one will have for someone that he will be very willing to give up his life for it? That is EXACTLY how much you SHOULD and MUST love your wife!

This will go a long way in preventing a lot of these aggession exhibited by young women today. When children witness their mothers being maltreated, especially the girls amongst them, this is the result. If it's the boys, some copy that and think that is how they should treat women, and the bad cycle continues!

Married people get the family front right! You have a lot to teach and do. You are not hidden. Children are watching you!

Submit accrding to Oxford goes,''To accept the Authority, control or superior strength of sb/sth; to yield to sb/sth''.

If you notice, that is how the church sees Christ. We submit to His authority and control and yield to Him because of His superior strength, we rely on His strength. That is as it should be. When a woman removes every pride and treats her husband even half the way she would treat Christ himself, I think a lot of things will be remedied. When with your husband, ask yourself, ''If this was Christ standing before me, how would I talk to/treat Him?''. Same way treat your husbands.

As for the men, the love of Christ for His church is one devoid of oppresion. HE, in spite of being who He is says,''come, let us reason together''. Do you see your wife as someone whose opinion should not be sought in decision making?
Christ endured mockery, pain and insults from the people He came to save, and saved us in spite of all that. How many of us slap our wives the slightest provocation?
etc.
Should you as mere man do any less?

bukatyne:


I doubt you understand the submission in the Bible.

Look at it this way: all Christians are expected to be submissive to each other. Relate with your wife as you would with a Christian sister/brother

njokusboy:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is
himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to
their husbands. Ephesians 5 :22-24

bukatyne:

Ok,

so?

jewel4Hiscrown:

Submissive women are powerful and FAR from being dull, they are very wise and sharp. A submissive woman is an influencer - as has often been said, she is the neck that turns the head. A wise woman can cause her husband to adopt her wise idea while thinking it is his own. In fact many times I have seen a woman do what her husband tells her to, smiling inwardly because she knows that months before she suggested and prayed about it and now here he is saying, "Honey, I think we should ABCD." The submissive woman's husband is known in the gates for a reason, and she has no problem with bolstering him in the background. It is the rude, loud-mouthed, violent, lazy, competitive, aggressive, nightly owambe patron that is dull and slow. Please do not mistake submission for foolishness or being a doormat. Submission is lethal especially when coupled with patience - Abigail was submissive, but so was Delilah, in her weird way! Jezebel ("you can get what you want!" ) and Vashti ("who does this man think he is to tell me this?" ) would be seen as very progressive today, but one was kicked out of the palace into oblivion, and the other's blood was licked by dogs. Be careful! A wise woman builds her home; the foolish one plucks it down with her hands.

njokusboy:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is
himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to
their husbands. Ephesians 5 :22-24

But I want you to understand that the head of every
man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and
the head of Christ is God 1corinthians 11:3...

No be me write am, na so e dey for bible...
Nd submission doesn't mean the man should make his wife a slave, it simply means the man is the head, he leads the wife follows...