Amya:

Things are slowly but gradually changing.

My third sentence said "Things change over time"
I got that covered sweetheart.

Good write up...But please re-edit some parts, what if cr7 was never meant for you, rather the genevieve was never meant for you..Havent you seen a situation when women become the success of a man?Madam do your research well and come back here...Destiny defers and some are just meant to help others destiny, what if you are to marry an Ibu and make him better?Madam think both ways and stop misleading those that need correction...

OP is always insulting even on soccer threads.

She thinks she is smart and got it all figured out. All I see is a teenager that thinks life is just like arithmetic where 2+2=4

Life has not thrown her a curved ball yet. When life does, her perspective and approach to issues will change and yes, this includes the choice of a life partner.

You all think marriage is about love and perfection when successful marriages has always been about respect and compromise.

TV is raising kids instead of parents. This generation of ladies think they are all some kind of celebrity. The camera phone, apps and internet is not helping matters.
Some of our grandparents did not even see their husbands till the wedding day and they made it work.

Yes compromise is good because what she termed ''less'' I called ''compromise''

hensben: so, i am now bottle water that chill, isn't it?

bro, who collect ur chin chin ds morning? Don't worry, I go help u fight d person.

safarigirl: Being born into a society such as the Nigerian one connites certain things for a female.

From the day you can tell your right from your left, you're basically taught to be subservient to men. You're told that your place is in the kitchen and your brothers' place is in front of the television. Most of all, you're told that your only purpose in this world, is to fulfill the desires of some dude, serve him and bear his children. You are not to aspire for anything more and failure to live up to these expectations means failure as a person.

Well, this thread was inspired by a certain thread that was on FP today:

https://www.nairaland.com/1911041/why-nigerian-girls-should-not

Now, the stupidity of this thread is baffling. Basically, it's some lady telling females to settle for less. Telling us that we do not deserve the best and we shouldn't make any efforts to aspire for such because that would be foolhardy.

I honestly sympathise with her that she was unable to get the man of her desires, and eventually chose to settle for Plan B, who in fact was not what she desired, but as they say, when the desirable is not available, the available becomes desirable.

Time and again on Nairaland you find numerous chauvinists telling women basically that they have no opinion, telling us that we ought to dance skelewu because one of these rare species called 'men' looked upon us with pity and decided to marry us. And for those poor souls like Rita Dominic, Linda Ikeji and Genevieve Nnaji who are yet to be honored witha wedding ring? They should keep praying the rosary and hope they don't die 'marriageless'

Marriage is the be all and end all of a woman, therefore, she must settle for a raggamuffin if she hasn't found a gentleman at the ripe 'OLD' age of 27. Once you're through with University, your next bus stop should be a man's house.

Many women have ended up in loveless, frustrating marriages after settling for less, because all your friends got married after University doesn't mean you must marry at that time. Don't be the one whose story ends with 'Had I Known'

Feel free to live a little, keep your head on your shoulders, walk with your chin up, if you want your man to be as tall as Lebron James, don't settle for Tom Cruise, if you want him to be as charming as Antonio Banderas, don't settle for Al Pacino, if you want him to be as fit as CR7, don't settle for Mr. Ibu. If you must settle for less, let it be reasonable, don't go from a Lebron to a Kevin Hart because you're 'getting old and all your mates are married" no be who marry first dey happy pass.

Even the bible says "ask and it shall be given unto you" so if you tell God "I will manage..." He will bless you with a 'manageable' man.

God bless you as you settle with the best

touché!

Kachisbarbie: The lady never said we should settle for less - I guess y'all misunderstood her...she meant, we shouldn't be blinded by physical looks, sometimes marriage goes beyond the physique...just marry someone you wanna wake up to everyday (and vice-versa)...that's just it
-Never settle for less - always settle for the best, but then we can't satisfactorily define less/best...no single human out there is less

I think the problem we have these days arises from poor comprehension...the lady used words like- Obsessed, Most...she wasn't in anyway speaking in an affirmative, even though her points came out harsh...It's all about choice - If you wanna wait for yo Lamar - Voila...don't forget that Lamar has his own 'required requirements' - I hope you meet them too.
That your 'Lamar' might be some other ladys' 'Kevin Hart'

... why is there so much pressure/focus on the female folks and their choices in life?...I just don't gerrit
-they say 'marriage' is overhyped, yet it is one topic that gets so much attention...let it slide pls

P.S : The fact that you called her post 'stupeed' is unprofessional and...I don't know what else to call it... ...we can't all be of the same school of thought - respect her own reasoning.
-If you have to counter her, go back to her post, read/understand it properly...then counter her.

how exactly, would you come online and call someones' husband a PLAN-B (What's even wrong in a PLAN-B, What's a Plan without PLAN-B?...nne sometimes PLAN-B done sure pass @ one pt in our lives), and an available that became desirable??
Jeez...I know this is a forum, but before you 'submit'...take a moment to review your choice of words...Thanks

God bless you real good.

.....hangon... but wot kinda rubbbbish post is this??..... In fact we very angry & all men feel insulted.....why shud unit Nigerian ladies settle for less? ...why??.....op shud stop encouraging them...4real.

.....are they light skin??(no oooofense)

martins0: Couldn't agree less with most of your points but the problem with some ladies is their bloated level of self importance which repel most guys

You agreed more not less. Hate to be that grammar Nazi guy ..but still

ochon: I'm still wondering why the OP in the thread that lead to the birthing of this thread received so much flak for her thread. Did you bashers read that thread at all? As in, read it slowly, assimilating the post word by word? Because it seems to me most of y'all didn't get what the OP(on that thread) was saying.

Safarigirl, Onyiridike NEVER said ladies should settle for less, she never did!! She said ladies should not be "obsessed" with men's height as a PRIORITY for marriage. You need to check the meaning of the word "obsessed." She's basically saying don't miss out on a good man because he didn't meet up to your "height scale" you've made a MUST criteria for a man you will marry. And she wasn't making it a must, she's just giving an advice. You can choose to STICK to your choice or not, your cup of tea. She talked about missing out on a good and successful man because she listened to naysayers discouraging her even though she liked him.

What that lady is trying to say, is "sometimes you've got to compromise" on certain things. She never said "settle for less." They are entirely two different meanings (I'll explain with a former post of mine from my former diary later on in this post). The truth is, You, I and everyone out there MUST "compromise" at one certain time/stage in our lives. It's a must!!

"Compromising" doesn't mean settling for less. Growing up (even now we're all grown), we all dreamt of a good life, a life of riches and affluence. A life where we'd have to cross our legs on a couch, eat all day and live like kings. A life where we have mansions, drive the poshiest cars, date the finest men/women. A life where we're paid in 6 figures. All these are wishes/dreams. But guess what? At the end of the day, few get to have it such way, majority will end up "compromising" and living their lives as they see it while still hustling to make it big. Most of us dream to be a don like Mike Adenuga. But guess what? Most of us will never get to live that life. So we will work and make sure we are "at least" successful to enjoy the basic amenities of life. It's called "compromising" not "settling for less."

Before I explain with a diary update of mine about what "compromising" and "settling for less" means, let me paint a clear picture with this example. Most of us, if not all, wants to get paid handsomely from their first job; say N200K per month. That's the general wishes. But how many of us get to find such jobs? What we've at the end of the day is people "compromising" and going for the moderately-paying job while seeking for a better paying job. Such people had to compromise to build up their work experience and get better jobs in the future. Which fresh graduate that dreamt of getting paid "N150K" a month will see a "N90K" paying job for a month, and say "no o, I must not settle for less, I must stay unemployed till i get a N150K paying job?" Your guess is as good as mine.

Now to explain what "compromising" and "settling for less" means, here's an excerpt from a diary I used to keep.



P.S: Your issue about the stigma women face in Nigeria has nothing to do with the former thread. This is a whole new discussion which you should bring up in another thread for us to trash it out. And yes, I believe women are facing some stigma when it comes to marriage in Nigeria, but that's another topic entirely.

her thread was not the sole focus. It was just the inspiration. The main focus is on the insitence that women must manage evryone that comes to them.

Inspiration meaning, what she said led me to compose this thread, it's not a rebuttal or a backlash, it's just an opinion inspiredd by something else I.e this lady's thread. It wasn't her entire thread that sparked it, it was the comments after. The whole "even if you want a tall man, you can just manage one that's short."

She didn't need to put it the way she did, she failed to think of pros and cons and rather than tell women, "it's okay to compromise on certain things" she said "stop loooking for the tall dude, he's not coming"

The fact that he didn't come for her, doesn't mean she has any right to start up a tall-guys bashing thread (which is what she did) as far as she knew, tall guys are mean and unfriendly and aren't husband materials. She'll be shocked I grew up around short men and they're far worse than any tall one I've met.

Once again, this entire thread isn't about debunking her claims, it was just kickstarted by some of her points

OsoDupe: bro, who collect ur chin chin ds morning? Don't worry, I go help u fight d person.

so, i am now a kid that they buy n collect chin chin from abi, isn't that what you mean?

Whether they settle for less or more na dem bizwacks. I sha know they will not force a man who ironically views them as "settling for less" to marry them.

if you don't want to settle for less, you also need to meet the guy's requirements... it is always an exchange of value...

I am not a racist, but I think Nigerian girls problems no get part 2. Sincerely speaking.

[quote author=safarigirl] Being born into a society such as the Nigerian one connites certain things for a female.

From the day you can tell your right from your left, you're basically taught to be subservient to men. You're told that your place is in the kitchen and your brothers' place is in front of the television. Most of all, you're told that your only purpose in this world, is to fulfill the desires of some dude, serve him and bear his children. You are not to aspire for anything more and failure to live up to these expectations means failure as a person.

Well, this thread was inspired by a certain thread that was on FP today:

https://www.nairaland.com/1911041/why-nigerian-girls-should-not

Now, the stupidity of this thread is baffling. Basically, it's some lady telling females to settle for less. Telling us that we do not deserve the best and we shouldn't make any efforts to aspire for such because that would be foolhardy.

I honestly sympathise with her that she was unable to get the man of her desires, and eventually chose to settle for Plan B, who in fact was not what she desired, but as they say, when the desirable is not available, the available becomes desirable.

Time and again on Nairaland you find numerous chauvinists telling women basically that they have no opinion, telling us that we ought to dance skelewu because one of these rare species called 'men' looked upon us with pity and decided to marry us. And for those poor souls like Rita Dominic, Linda Ikeji and Genevieve Nnaji who are yet to be honored witha wedding ring? They should keep praying the rosary and hope they don't die 'marriageless'

Marriage is the be all and end all of a woman, therefore, she must settle for a raggamuffin if she hasn't found a gentleman at the ripe 'OLD' age of 27. Once you're through with University, your next bus stop should be a man's house.

Many women have ended up in loveless, frustrating marriages after settling for less, because all your friends got married after University doesn't mean you must marry at that time. Don't be the one whose story ends with 'Had I Known'

Feel free to live a little, keep your head on your shoulders, walk with your chin up, if you want your man to be as tall as Lebron James, don't settle for Tom Cruise, if you want him to be as charming as Antonio Banderas, don't settle for Al Pacino, if you want him to be as fit as CR7, don't settle for Mr. Ibu. If you must settle for less, let it be reasonable, don't go from a Lebron to a Kevin Hart because you're 'getting old and all your mates are married" no be who marry first dey happy pass.

Even the bible says "ask and it shall be given unto you" so if you tell God "I will manage..." He will bless you with a 'manageable' man.

God bless you as you settle with the best

u are a retard fool

teeowl: if you don't want to settle for less, you also need to meet the guy's requirements... it is always an exchange of value...

Exactly!

100Cents: Finally, in the end, you will have only yourself to blame...

Since you are a trophy who deserves free food, free ride, expensive dates and BIS/recharge card for doing absolutely nothing. Please do not settle for less.

The way our young ladies carry themselves shows that marriage is not their ultimate goal but scouting for the richest, most handsome and most successful man in the society who is willing enough to pay the imaginary value she has placed on her love.

These sort of ladies do not take corrections for any wrong. They are always right and the last thing she expects from you, her date, is saying that what she did didn't go down well with you, instantly her mind tells her, " it is time to dump mike for John ".

Some of them go as far as dating every single guy who says hi to them seeing him as a potential maga to be kept on the ever long list of those under her false promise of, " I will come and see you ". Because he is a potential goldmine and will serve a future purpose at a future date. This keeps the stu.pid gullible man calling and sending recharge card to make sure he out performs or outsmarts any other competitor for the elusive girl. It is all a game. But it ends in confusion. It takes deceiving oneself first to be able to deceive others..

God punish all the gold digging ladies. All the men you have wrecked with your lying tongues and pretences will hunt you later.. Keep searching for Mr. Right. He has already passed you by when you treated him as dung..

Nonsense..

such ladies are not included in my post. I believe everyone gets what they deserve so ladies like those you describe above are not part of what I mean.

I have a friend that's a virgin and is steadfast in that, she doesn't use men, she's Gofly bt beautiful and fashionable. She wants what she wants, a tall guy firstly. You can't tell me she should settle for less.

I'm not talking about golffigging ladies whose only purpose is to use men, I'm not talking about the leeaches who depend on men to survive. This thread is targeted at hard-working women who have earned the right to have the best.

Seek clarification first

[quote author=theyungmayor][/quote]that's nice.

jennylove7575: Op you are on point...many women in Nigeria these days can marry anything just to bear Mrs somebody..marriage is supposed to be a union of genuine companionship, compatability, working together, genuine love and friendship. Because of desperation due to societal and family pressure or self serving interests, many women in Nigeria ends up in loveless marriages of convenience... The kind of self consolation words you hear from such women is "I go dey manage the man. At least people see am say I dey man house and I go get my respect." Rubbish!..gross stupidity on the woman part and a life imprisonment of the body, soul and emotions...yes nobody in life is perfect, but as a single woman, never give up ur expectations in a man u would like to marry and settle for less. Its not a tic tac toh..marriage is a good thing if u marry right...no be by force.. It is very unhealthy to live a lie..

Whose house una go dey, dey form picky? U dey pay ur father rent? If u are good, ur type will find u. U don't want Mr.Ibu u c but live forever in whose house for ur TV Ronaldo to come and get u?

Meanwhile, if u don't like any man at all...try to live independently of men. But I know is not so...women get different definition on every word.

This kind of post from the OP will only come from a lady who is obsessesed with tall guys. The fact that most ladies see short guys as 'less' is the reason ladies will continue to be rebuked for their overhyping of tall guys

punta: @op.......You might be right that ladies shouldn't settle for less but has it not occurred to you that some people have unrealistic expectations? Yesterday's poster made absolute sense. I once dated a guy that was 6ft 3, good looking and very charming but..........he was pathetic in bed with a small joystick. I left him after 4 months because all he had going for him was his height.
I am not saying that ladies should not have expections but Sometimes good things come in not very attractive packages.

You sound kinda young so I understand your point of view. When you are above 32 and still single you can then revisit this topic. Experience will certainly rearrange your thought process

Lolll....I don't think she has to be 32 sef....
...lets just give her time, she would come around. She should just stop being 'myopic' and reason broadly.

contactmorak: This kind of post from the OP will only come from a lady who is obsessesed with tall guys. The fact that most ladies see short guys as 'less' is the reason ladies will continue to be rebuked for their overhyping of tall guys

I've met ladies who like short guys, to them, tall guys are 'less'

If you want your man to fit certain things, then why budge on them. Fine, he may not be as tall as you would want, but he doessn't have to be 6ft tall. What's tall for Linda Ikeji, won't be what's tall for someone like me.

Someone of 5ft.8-5ft.11 may be tall for one girl and short for another. So the word 'tall' itself is relative. Yes, I'm obsessed with tall guys, I'm 5ft.2" so I can't be following some shortie

I think we shouldn't really blame safarigirl, she is just a little teenager and in her penultimate year or so in higher institution, so, she knows little or nothing about life but truth be told, her comprehension level is too poor, this is what you get when teenagers spend too much time on social media rather than educative stuffs.

Moreover, she is a tribal bigot, argues sentimentally, has a caustic tongue(or should I say caustic fingers or betterstill, caustic brain cos that's where the whole thinking comes from), she likes attention and the best ways to get such are by being ridiculously funny , hovering around the romance section with ftequent posts or being controversial. I guess it has been a while her name has been mentioned here hence the reason for this useless post that is fit only for the bins and into the bins it must go. Rubbish!

stop arguing with this OP. Just teach her English, I'm sure she failed in English comprehension all through her stay in school. I mean, did she really read that lady's post? This isn't a counter thread to that thread. The lady never mentioned it anywhere that ladies should settle for less.

Her message was so apt... its so simple. Her advice was for ladies to look beyond physical appearance and learn to compromise. I'm still waiting to know what height and six packs offer in marriage and why ladies who marry short and plum guys settled for less.

Even we guys too...I understand large ass and big breast enhances sexual pleasure but what does ladies with fine face, fair complexion and straight legs add to marriage.

These are crazy desires, if you find love in a partner that possess all these then good for you but if not, it does not in any way portray you as settling for less.

Kachisbarbie:

Lolll....I don't think she has to be 32 sef....
...lets just give her time, she would come around. She should just stop being 'myopic' and reason broadly.

I don't have to be married to have a life. If I ddon't get what I want, I won't marry.

I can always addopt a kid and live my life. You didn't even get the entire point of my post

calebo101: All these Nigerian gold diggers girls with nothing to offer a man be opening different thread churning out criteria's they need in a man,

You must be this, you must be that, You must be tall as if they have ever created a human being, oloshis

Keep putting down the not too able bodied guys with your useless criteria when you have absolutely nothing to offer.

You want a man of your dreams, a God fearing man, a tall man, a rich man, a considerate man, a tower and iroko besides you and all you have to offer is SEX, as in cheap SEX , you must be a dreamer. , please keep dreaming.

I feel for the guys wen dey fall for una trap cha, broke ass chicks setting criteria, you all need Jesus in your life as your Husbands,

bro y u dey vex na? I bet u have sisters that have criteria for the guy of their dreams, does that make them an 'oloshi' as u put it? Everybody to their own want and dreams. Abeg no vex

safarigirl: such ladies are not included in my post. I believe everyone gets what they deserve so ladies like those you describe above are not part of what I mean.

I have a friend that's a virgin and is steadfast in that, she doesn't use men, she's Gofly bt beautiful and fashionable. She wants what she wants, a tall guy firstly. You can't tell me she should settle for less.

I'm not talking about golffigging ladies whose only purpose is to use men, I'm not talking about the leeaches who depend on men to survive. This thread is targeted at hard-working women who have earned the right to have the best.

Seek clarification first

What about if the tall guys don't want her? Is height the only attribute she wants? U have ur list...the other person has his. Do u know if u can meet up with his? Mak una begin dey pay una papa rent for overstaying. I love western world on this!

ferdimako:
Whose house una go dey, dey form picky? U dey pay ur father rent? If u are good, ur type will find u. U don't want Mr.Ibu u c but live forever in whose house for ur TV Ronaldo to come and get u?

Meanwhile, if u don't like any man at all...try to live independently of men. But I know is not so...women get different definition on every word.

ha ha ha ha laugh wan kill me, as I dey laugh my breasst dey shake ha ha ha...see okafor talking.. Ha ha ha ha...my breasst still dey shake as I dey laugh..ha ha ha.........

OsoDupe: bro y u dey vex na? I bet u have sisters that have criteria for the guy of their dreams, does that make them an 'oloshi' as u put it? Everybody to their own want and dreams. Abeg no vex

If they have only sex to give...yes!

100Cents: Finally, in the end, you will have only yourself to blame...

Since you are a trophy who deserves free food, free ride, expensive dates and BIS/recharge card for doing absolutely nothing. Please do not settle for less.

The way our young ladies carry themselves shows that marriage is not their ultimate goal but scouting for the richest, most handsome and most successful man in the society who is willing enough to pay the imaginary value she has placed on her love.

These sort of ladies do not take corrections for any wrong. They are always right and the last thing she expects from you, her date, is saying that what she did didn't go down well with you, instantly her mind tells her, " it is time to dump mike for John ".

Some of them go as far as dating every single guy who says hi to them seeing him as a potential maga to be kept on the ever long list of those under her false promise of, " I will come and see you ". Because he is a potential goldmine and will serve a future purpose at a future date. This keeps the stu.pid gullible man calling and sending recharge card to make sure he out performs or outsmarts any other competitor for the elusive girl. It is all a game. But it ends in confusion. It takes deceiving oneself first to be able to deceive others..

God punish all the gold digging ladies. All the men you have wrecked with your lying tongues and pretences will hunt you later.. Keep searching for Mr. Right. He has already passed you by when you treated him as dung..

Nonsense..

.

Spot on, well said.

Feel free to live a little, keep your head on your shoulders, walk with your chin up, if you want your man to be as tall as Lebron James, don't settle for Tom Cruise, if you want him to be as charming as Antonio Banderas, don't settle for Al Pacino, if you want him to be as fit as CR7, don't settle for Mr. Ibu. If you must settle for less, let it be reasonable, don't go from a Lebron to a Kevin Hart because you're 'getting old and all your mates are married" no be who marry first dey happy pass.by the time u don get grey head 4 menopause, u go de pursue mr ibu up and down

naturalwaves: I think we shouldn't really blame safarigirl, she is just a little teenager and in her penultimate year or so in higher institution, so, she knows little or nothing about life but truth be told, her comprehension level is too poor, this is what you get when teenagers spend too much time on social media rather than educative stuffs.

Moreover, she is a tribal bigot, argues sentimentally, jas a caustic tongue(or should I say caustic fingers or betterstill, caustic brain cos that's where the whole thinking comes from), she likes attention and the best ways to get such are by being ridiculously funny , hovering around the romance section with ftequent posts or being controversial. I guess it has been a while her name has been mentioned here hence the reason for this useless post that is fit only for the bins and into the bins it must go. Rubbish!

I thought you've died

You don't even know me, so all these things are just the rantings of some inconsequential niqqa. People who know me know me. If we meet, you may even end up liking me, everyone likes me in the real world cuz I'm real

I have my shortcomings, but contrary to what you think, I'm not some tribal bigot...I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. You should meet some of my friends though, tribal bigot doesn't even begin to define them

Omhen short guys don they bash the OP o... But never to worry, i have tips on how to become tall trust me its works.. At least at all, at all na winch..

... 1. Eat bean alot, that don't stop you from eating other food. honestly it works like magic..( talking from experience. My best föod actually)

2. Stay away from food that makes you fat. ( the fatter you are, the shortter you become! )

3. Constant execises to keep you fit ( the fitter you are, the taller you becomes! Not joking)

4. Go out more with tall guys ( am not saying you should isolate the short guy oo). As rediculous as it sound, its works some magic..

5. Stay away from alcoho..

chei, make i go hide o, my short babe they come