Women do it all the time, they marry a man that they know will be there for them and provide for them. What about arranged marriages There's certainly no love there in the beginning. The point is that the man is ready, willing and able. How many men would sit around and wait rather than pressure a woman to have sex?? My best friend really likes him because he's good to me and she happens to think he's good looking. I honestly can't take the opinion of her because she is definitely not into looks. She is completely into the way someone treats you. I can't help who I am and I don't think he is attractive. My best friend seems to think that I have issues with the fact that he is nice and not manly enough. If he looked the way he looked but acted tough maybe I would be attracted to him but he's very quite and accommodating

kconfused:

My best friend seems to think that I have issues with the fact that he is nice and not manly enough. If he looked the way he looked but acted tough maybe I would be attracted to him but he's very quite and accommodating

Well going by the fact that no one will know you better than your best friend- I would say that she is right; this just goes to prove that nice guys - are seen as weaklings and not being manly by lot of girls. If at almost a year; you still dont feel for him, it is best to leave him and explain to him that he is too nice; very quite and accommodating. I feel sorry for the next girl that comes along his way.

kconfused:

Women do it all the time, they marry a man that they know will be there for them and provide for them. What about arranged marriages There's certainly no love there in the beginning. The point is that the man is ready, willing and able. How many men would sit around and wait rather than pressure a woman to have sex?? My best friend really likes him because he's good to me and she happens to think he's good looking. I honestly can't take the opinion of her because she is definitely not into looks. She is completely into the way someone treats you. I can't help who I am and I don't think he is attractive. My best friend seems to think that I have issues with the fact that he is nice and not manly enough. If he looked the way he looked but acted tough maybe I would be attracted to him but he's very quite and accommodating

Sorry for my extremely "verbose" nature. I always took the first place on the noisemaker's list in all my primary and secondary school years.  So please bear with my "natural calling"--to make too much cyber noise.

But you did not answer my question.  What are you doing with a guy you are not attracted to?

If I were to hook up with such a guy I would have my reasons.  What are yours?  According to you he is all but "attractive" to you.  What exactly do you want from him?

almondjoy- he is all but attractive (to me anyway). He is everything that I've been looking for except physically. Should I give that up and find someone who I think is attractive but then does not possess all the other great qualities that he does? Chances are I will find an attractive man but he may or may not have all of the other things that I apprecaite about this man.

@Kconfused. What kind of Job do u do? Your Guy, What does he do too. Where are u guys based. Tell us more.

@pain - We are both in good jobs and I do not wish to disclose our location. Please explain why you asked.
@almondjoy- I decided to date him because far to often I was dating guys because I thought that they were good looking but in the end they did not have much to offer. I fear that I will marry him and end up having someone on the side. People keep telling me that you can't have both, it's either one or the other and I must decide what's important to me. Tell me people, look at Heidi Klum and Seal, Beyonce and Jay Z, Kimora and Dijimon. Please shed some light on how these women can be with men less attractive than themselves.

Who and what defines who is attractive. Is it by the standards we set for ourselves or by the deep inner-within nucleus from where all derive our consciousness? Sister go for the long lasting and enduring part of man. The inner soul. Thats what u will live with and that is what will sustain you when the "Physical" beauty (which is just a matter of perception) starts to inevitably fade.

Shine thy eyez

@pain - but how do I look past it? I think it's me because everyone else seems to think that he's handsome. I am afraid that I am going to miss out on what God has sent for me. Everyone dreams of finding true love and I would pray that God would send my one true love. I ask God to bless me and send me a wonderful man and guess what he did and I'm stuck on stupid. 

kconfused:

@pain - but how do I look past it? I think it's me because everyone else seems to think that he's handsome. I am afraid that I am going to miss out on what God has sent for me. Everyone dreams of finding true love and I would pray that God would send my one true love. I ask God to bless me and send me a wonderful man and guess what he did and I'm stuck on stupid.

Don't worry Kconfused. No condition is permanent. Everything will soon work itself out. You did not say anything about wanting to marry the guy so--keep the relationship as it is till one of you gets tired of it.

@ kconfused

You're not stuck on stupid hun, you're only being human. And believe me when i say that most people who come here asking you to look beyond the "physicals" don't live up to their words when it comes down to it.

I've always believed that being attracted to your spouse is essential, yes, its an important ingredient for a relationship.
The thing people get twisted is the word "attraction" . . that someone aint attracted to someone doesnt mean they want miss world or a male of the year candidate for spouse . . its just that magnetic chemistry lacking . . that thing that makes you dream of waking up next to this person, wouldnt mind staying in this person's arms for ages

Hun, you got to make up your mind . . in situations like this, you can never get the same answer from everybody . . its a 50 : 50 thingy where eveyone will give you an answer and a reason for their answer. Now its left for you to weigh the answers and reasons and pick the one you think you could be able to live with.

If his physical attributes is a turn-off to you, then hun i suggest you really think about it, give yourself more time . . you can't commit yourself to him just because other people find him attractive or because  . . . remember you'll have to come home to this person everyday for the rest of your life . .you'll sooner or later get intimate with this person,  . . when you get married, he becomes a part and parcel of you and your life

Can you live with that?? If YES, then give a relationship with him a chance . . if you don't think you could cope in future, then think twice. Lack of sexual/physical attraction aint the most solid foundation for a relationship

But are there people who have pulled through initial lack of attraction?? Hell yea; i*m witness to some but it all comes down to taking a decision and living it out

Good luck hun; i know you*ll be just fine!

@Kconfused. Lets call a spade a spade. I know this is just a forum, we can't see each other, but what I intend telling u now is the truth and nothing but the plain truth. Will u listen and abide? Thats up to You. But here it is.

Drop all that shit of no "Good Looks". From the little data available and the information I can churn out in order to derive this knowledge, you are about loosing your true life partner. You said u asked God for a partner. God works in mysterious ways. By God I mean the One True All Seeing Omnipotent God. The Creator of the Universe and not the one the world paints through the Religions of Today.

Anyway back to the point, God Almighty has given you a Diamond. Diamonds come out in the rough. Its your Job and Duty to polish it and cut it into whatever shape u desire. Let me tell u the fact most people fail to see. Every human is beautiful. What we reflect outside is based on what we feel inside. Most times these feelings are affected by the Words we get to hear from people and the environment we live in. Try this exercise: Tell Him how handsome and beautiful he is on a daily basis for a month and see the effect.

I have never been known to date or had an ugly girl as a friend. People always compliment the kind of girls they see me with. The truth is that I never go after beautiful girls. I love making friends with very plain simple girls(Thats the Puzzle). It is what u tell your friends and the aura around u that projects what people see. My girl friends are the same people u see everyday. ( I hope You Got the Code)?

Sister, Sister don't break your own heart by a small spell of shallowness. We all get there some times, but we only need to look deeper and boom the revelation comes out. Go for the soul. And you know what the real "Soul Food" is?

WORDS> Simple. Feed him with the right words. Say something lovely and beautiful to him each day.

Ciao!

that's deep cute-ass!

kconfused:

that's deep cute-ass!

Marriage and relationships are deep on their own

@Pain - I crying like a baby right now. 2 deep comments in 5 minutes.

Explain something to me, when I'm not with him I can't wait to talk to him and see him. When I see him I'm disappointed. Am I just in the need of companionship? Will I except anything that comes along for the sake of not being alone I think God is trying to teach me a lesson. I've always said that looks are important and every man that I've had so far was wrong for me. God sends me the perfect man and he does not fit my standards of what is attractive. Isn't that something?? He does work in mysterious ways.

The best man around is an understanding,caring,romantic man that brings home a bacon.
If he has those qualities,abeg forget the exterior.
Your friends may call him a frog,but in my books,that is a prince.

Attractive qualities go beyond outward beauty.
what good is a pretty boy with noodles for brains.
Abeg enjoy your Wesley Snipes Jare

nwando:

The best man around is an understanding,caring,romantic man that brings home a bacon.
If he has those qualities,abeg forget the exterior.
Your friends may call him a frog,but in my books,that is a prince.

Attractive qualities go beyond outward beauty.
what good is a pretty boy with noodles for brains.
Abeg enjoy your Wesley Snipes Jare

I think she stands a good chance of losing him.  Madam Kconfused has deep set emotional issues of acceptance and recognition.  I say one person will soon get tired of the "string" along process.  Don't forget she has not slept with the dude oh.  The man fit run after that--like all the rest.  

I say you need to work on yourself Kconfused.  You are still not sure of what you want and look for others to tell you what to do.  If I were you I would have married the guy and we would have had like 6 children by now--even by Nairaland standards!

almondjoy:

I think she stands a good chance of losing him. Madam Kconfused has deep set emotional issues of acceptance and recognition. I say one person will soon get tired of the "string" along process. Don't forget she has not slept with the dude oh. The man fit run after that.

I didn't read the whole thread.
How ugly is this man sef?
As long as little kids don't get grand mal seizures on seeing him
I say,keep him,if he has the other necessary qualities.

nwando:

I didn't read the whole thread.
How ugly is this man sef?
As long as little kids don't get grand mal seizures on seeing him
I say,keep him,if he has the other necessary qualities.

He he he he he he he!   Even if he has causes epileptic fits in all generations--I say I will manage him like that.  Is it easy to find all these things she has described so far in one man?  We usually have to divvy things up around several men to complete the parcel.  Like na face I go chop?

If im like make im be King Kpago or Mike Tyson! The show must go on!

almondjoy- Haven't you ever messed with someone that you were not 100% into

almondjoy:


He he he he he he he! Even if he has causes epileptic fits in all generations--I say I will manage him like that. Is it easy to find all these things she has described so far?

ROFL.
My sister to be honest o,jokes apart,some men are beyond management.
I was a Naija party last summer and dancing beside us was this couple,decent looking woman with this smallish,miniature husband.
Nothing on earth would have made that woman marry this guy except for the fact that he was in America.
Almond,you will not manage this type.

Somebody like you may have locked him the trunk and only released him when it's time for him to perform his manly duties,LOL.
That's assuming his apparati were in good working condition ROFL

nwando:

ROFL.
My sister to be honest o,jokes apart,some men are beyond management.
I was a Naija party last summer and dancing beside us was this couple,decent looking woman with this smallish,miniature husband.
Nothing on earth would have made that woman marry this guy except for the fact that he was in America.
[b]Almond,you will not manage this type.[/b]Somebody like you may have locked him the trunk and only released him when it's time for him to perform his manly duties,LOL.
That's assuming his apparati were in good working condition ROFL

Did a woman like us not marry him?  Did many women not marry or have children by OBJ--whom I find the epitome of ugliness?   Well, I guess every woman knows limits of her strengths and capablities.  As for the "apparati", there are ways to make "lazarus" come forth from the dead.  I say I am a good manager--leave that thing!  Love must come by force!

I should carry one fine guy yo-yo juvenile and put in my house because I want to be beside Mr. Nigeria with no job or sense of direction?  As far as money dey no problem now!  I say we can manage.  After about 6 months, the man will turn into a Prince Muktar!

Have you not seen women that take it upon themselves to "beautify"  guys [b]with their money oh --[/b]let me make that one clear.  Then in about 1 year no one cannot recognize him?  All of a sudden--all the women in the neighbourhood are giving him the eye plus chest?

The only exception is if he is "wor-wor" plus "broke"---No go area then!!! Can't lose all ways!

Please I will go for stability anyday.  Love usually comes much later anyway!  So Madam Kconfused, as someone correctly advised you--"SHINE YOUR NOSE PLUS YOUR EYEZ"!!!!!!

nwando- ROFL

Look the man is great! I want to have another baby and he has no children. My best friend had a dinner party and he was there, he took a bashing from her dad and brother who is like my family. They asked his intentions and he told them we would be married already if it was up to him. He is so into me and he did not have sex yet. What is he to do when we have sex? Another friend said that he must not have anything in his pants to impress me that's why he is not pushing to have sex.

kconfused:

Look the man is great! I want to have another baby and he has no children. My best friend had a dinner party and he was there, he took a bashing from her dad and brother who is like my family. They asked his intentions and he told them we would be married already if it was up to him. He is so into me and he did not have sex yet. What is he to do when we have sex? Another friend said that he must not have anything in his pants to impress me that's why he is not pushing to have sex.

Don't worry now. We will see how long all these Barbie doll and G.I. Joe romance will last. Are you not Nigerians?

Does it matter? Tell me how it would differ?

almondjoy:

Did a woman like us not marry him? Did many women not marry or have children by OBJ--whom I find the epitome of ugliness? Well, I guess every woman knows limits of her strengths and capablities. As for the "apparati", there are ways to make "lazarus" come forth from the dead. I say I am a good manager--leave that thing! Love must come by force!
I should carry one fine guy yo-yo juvenile and put in my house because I want to be beside Mr. Nigeria with no job or sense of direction? As far as money dey no problem now! I say we can manage. After about 6 months, the man will turn into a Prince Muktar!

Have you not seen women that take it upon themselves to "beautify" guys [b]with their money oh --[/b]let me make that one clear. Then in about 1 year no one cannot recognize him? All of a sudden--all the women in the neighbourhood are giving him the eye plus chest?

The only exception is if he is "wor-wor" plus "broke"---No go area then!!! Can't lose all ways!

Please I will go for stability anyday. Love usually comes much later anyway! So Madam Kconfused, as someone correctly advised you--"SHINE YOUR NOSE PLUS YOUR EYEZ"!!!!!!

chei,I no go die.

I didn't realise you could also raise the dead.
I rest my defeated case

kconfused,please if you don't mind my asking,what is the main issues you have with the man?
Is it just physical?
what is it?
height,weight,skinny or just plain obj-like?

I've read some of your earlier posts.
kconfused,tell him outright that you're not interested in him and set him free.
Don't waste his time and perhaps money and don't string him along till you find someone else.
That'll be very wicked of you.

If this were a man playing a woman,all the girls here would be calling him a devil's incarnate.
Since a man should not treat a woman this way,it's not right a woman does same to a man.
It's obvious you don't love him.
Tell him that ASAP and let him move on to his rightful queen.
Don't make another woman pay for what you are doing to him.

nwando:

I've read some of your earlier posts.
kconfused,tell me outright that you're not interested in him and set him free.
Don't waste his time and perhaps money and don't string him along till you find someone else.
That'll be very wicked of you.

If this were a man playing a woman,all the girls here would be calling him a devil's incarnate.
Since a man should not treat a woman this way,it's not right a woman does same to a man.
It's obvious you don't love him.
Tell him that ASAP and let him move on to his rightful queen.
Don't make another woman pay for what you are doing to him.

I am happy you wrote that.  Because if I did--many will be quick to let me know how "insensitive" I am.  I do not understand the woman at all.  In this day and age?

She has not even put out yet and I do not know why the man is hanging around her when other ladies are out there. Kconfused darling--you must be very beautiful for the man to feast his eyes on your person and just be instantly gratified always. Please show us your profile pix love.

@nwando- that's unfair. I'm not dating anyone else I am giving him all of my attention except physical. I WILL NOT LET HIM GO!!!! The man does things for me that no one else has ever offered(non financial). I want to see where it goes but would have to be intoxicated to have sex with him. He reminds me of a turtle.