₦airaland Forum

Rokia2:
Maybe they are just racist.

Even these Asians are racist towards black people you know. Funny black people don suffer lol.

One of my brother is married to a white girl and before the wedding some of her family members were against the relationship. My mom was not having any of their bullshit either because ohhhh well she's not here for white people she only wanted her son happiness. For me I didn't even open my mouth in the whole matter. cause my whole family think I don't like white people. that's not the case though but am not one to put white people on a pedestal like some foolish black people do. As time when by her family became more welcoming though and just let everything go because the girl was madly in love.

For me I dated a white guy befote and never again.
To each their own though.

I wish you luck with you and your Asian girl. Give it. More time as the relationship mature am pretty sure her parents will have no choice but to accept. Especially if their daughter is really in love with you.

Why did dating the white guy not work?

What she really means is that no guy who goes to the gym and has a 6-pack has her time. To which one then asks, does she too go to the gym and does she have a fit physique? From her pics I'm guessing no.

Women generally want what they can't give back and this has never really changed so....

TIDDOLL:
Marriage is an Institution in the society we live in, not some business enterprise...

Tell that to the women out here in the west.
Even Nigerian women are not exempt.

It's a hard-ball article, and not 100% agreeable, but its an article every man today needs to read to regain their advantage in this thing called 21st century marriage. It is exactly because of the ignorance of us thinking that the marriage we knew in past generations is the marriage we see today. Women aren't smiling.

An interesting article. What do y'all think?

You have two options: You will get married or you won't get married. If you will get married then this article is for you. We will not review whether or not you should get married but we will review how to pick the right wife.

Picking the right wife is of utmost importance. Marriage is a life-long commitment and requires a great deal of forethought. Getting married without a plan and without any forethought is a terrible decision.

Getting married is a business decision. Marriage is a contract between two entities. You've got to enter into it with the ruthless mind of a determined businessman for it to work.

You've got to pick the right wife like a businessman picks a company to invest in. It shouldn't be left to chance (“love”) – you've got to be pro-active, know what you want and then go after it.

Marriage isn't about love or connecting with your soul-mate. Those are inventions of TV and movies. Marriage is an exchange of resources. Your wife shall provide A and you will provide B. If your wife doesn't, or won't, provide her share then she should not have the privilege of marriage with you.

Marriage is a contract and you've got to try your hardest to make sure that contract is reinforced. You cannot make the best decision when you're emotionally love-sick like a 16 year old school girl. No businessman who wants to stay in business will sign a contract in an emotional state of mind and no man who wants to stay married will sign all of his power away just because he loves her. It takes rational, clear-headed planning and thinking to pick the right wife material.

There are only two reasons a man should ever get married:

1) He wants to start a family.

2) His career or political ambitions demand he has a wife (he is interested in going into politics). We will not talk about this except to say that a political wife is for show and show only. For this article we will assume the reader falls into the first category.

There is absolutely no other reason to ever get married. Love is not a reason to get married. When you get married you sign all your power over to your wife – it must be of some benefit for you to do so. That benefit is to grow old with your family.

The goals of a marriage should be:

1) Minimize the chance of divorce theft and child robbery.

2) Maximize wife's happiness with her wifely and motherly duties (the complete opposite of everything you will see, read or hear). It's not about empowerment (or any other buzzword designed to kill the traditional family), she should be completely devoted to her family. True happiness for a woman comes from her family, it does not come from her career, or her “independence”, or her sexually liberated point of view.

3) Have a healthy, happy family with well educated, respectful children – non-sissified sons and girlish daughters with strong family values.

Be honest about what you want:

Most men don't want an “independent, empowered” woman. That's code for bitchy slut with a chip on her shoulder.

We all want a sweet, nice, joyful, feminine woman who treats her man like a King.

Bullshitters will suck up to the dregs and say the opposite in a futile attempt to get some action. These poor suckers get shit on the most and never understand why. Hear this gentlemen – women love men who go after what they want, who don't take a woman's BS seriously, and treat her like a woman, not like a man in drag. Women hate suck-ups as much as they hate stepping in dog poop on the street. To a woman, a male suck-up is less than human.

Divorce:

There is no denying that marriage is a very, very bad deal. When you get married you immediately give your wife all the power over your money and your children. “No-fault” divorce really means “his-fault” divorce. If your wife is to decide she wants a divorce she can have all the benefits of being married and none of the drawbacks. Divorce is theft from the man. It's a redistribution of wealth from men to women. She can live off of your paycheck via alimony and child support and she can keep your children and raise them in a single-mother or step-daddy household. She has the complete and full support of Papa Government behind her. In the eyes of the law she can do no wrong and you can do no right. And there is nothing you can do about any of that. That's why you have to choose the right wife in the first place to eliminate much of that risk.

Steps should be taken to minimize the chances of divorce. You must take extra special precaution to choosing the right wife so you can avoid the possibility of a financially devastating and family ruining divorce.

When to get married:

The best time for a man to get married is after 30 years of age. At that age he has had a long time to live life, earn money, think of what he wants in a wife, and settle down a little bit. The ages of 20-30 are the wild years but after the 30 year mark men will tend to settle down. Most men under 30 years of age aren't mature enough to make the best decision about who to spend their life with.

Now remember, 30 years old is the starting age to think of marriage. That doesn't mean you should get married at 30 or by 30. Anytime between 30-45 is a good time to tie the knot. Between the ages of 30-45 is when a man's marriage value is at its highest.

We have spoken about the need for a good woman here. In the following section we will look at how to determine good women from bad women.

The top 12 rules for picking the right wife to maximize a happy life and minimize the chance of divorce…

1) She should be young.

The woman should 30 years of age MAXIMUM. 25 is even better and 20 is the best age.

A woman's body does not age well. You want the most amount of years with your wife having a tight, young, firm body. After 30 it go...

It's long so finish the rest there
https://boldanddetermined.com/pick-the-right-wife/

zinizta:
Judging By The Comments Here Some Ladies Have Problems Understanding Comprehension.

For Emphasis I Would Summarize What The OP Stated In A Nutshell.

He Gets Turn Down By A Lady Moves On To Another But The Former Starts Acting Jealous And Wants Him Now That He Has Moved On.

So What Is The Connection With "Men nagging" Or Not Being Able To Deal With Rejection?

Oh! I Get It The Going-Ons In Your Private Lives Is Creating A Barrier Of Interference To Your Understanding.

Reading & Comprehension is a nairaland problem in general.
This site seems to attract only those who failed at school or something.
Because of all the people who usually respond to opening posts, only about 10% of them actually read that shiit past the subject line.
We got some real daft fuckers in here thats fo sho.

As to the OPs post, thats definitely an african woman thing.
They pride themselves in knowing that there are "guys I am saying no to" (GIASNT).

When their friends get together to talk about their GIASNTs, she too needs to be able to put down the names of her own GIASNTs otherwise she loses face. It's like military badges, the more you have the better . That's how things work in the female cartel

If she loses one of her GIASNTs to another lady, she might only act jealous because it is a blow to her ego...not that she cares for it (thats right, I said IT, that's all you are to her if you are a persistent GIASNT). She has one less GIASNT to show off (defame) to her friends.

The key thing as a guy is to know when a girl is trying to turn you into a GIASNT and remove her from the equation before she even succeeds.

Now I know some might think "that's how this guy got that girl, blah blah blah" but I'm gonna level with you.
Unlike lying aunties and previous/current GIASNT holders would have you believe, Very rarely does a GIASNT ever actually turn into her man.

That only happens when either the actual guy she has been pursuing doesn't send her (maybe even used and chopped her finish) or she begins to notice a rapid decline in the number of GIASNTs at her disposal (getting ugly/old/fat/wuteva) and figures she better respect herself and grab on to one of these GIASNTs seeing as she is unable to find MEN. If she was successful in bitching out this GIASNT, the GIASNT should be honored that she finally chose it...I mean him .

bicon1:
yeah it true bt not all relationship should leads to marriage, atleast to gain experience

All the more reason why the other person would ghost on your ass.
It's not a real relationship anyway as you just rightly stated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lz4RtHlJQ1k

This is a very interesting question.
We need more questions like these here that engages the minds of nigerians in leu of the rest of the world's very real problems.
Very good question indeed.

Notice though, that with all my long tori I have not yet answered the question.
We will leave it like that. Gba be.

Whichever one understands and supports my dreams.

From experience, that's usually the first one because she understands "drive" and can even hold things down financially all on her own if need be. This is the type of woman who can be a business partner [Power couple], and there's more to talk with her about than basic boring-ass stuff.

The second type, usually doesn't care about your dreams/passions/etc as long as you make sure there is money for her and the children. Conversations with this one are usually generic as her daily challenges revolve mostly around house hold stuff. Great for men who don't have a need to connect on a deeper level with their woman besides someone to raise kids and provide sex.

Nothing wrong with a feminist as long as she tempers it with a biblical wife mindset.

Born2conquer:
Seriously...the kind heartbreak wey you go suffer ..no be from this world!

Gals ain't Loyal again

A guy shouted yesternight beside a gal "Bleep YOU!! YOU LIED!" and he left hurriedly in annoyance.. few minutes after another guy came and replace the guy who left!

I loved ones hard..and I was burnt by the unfortunate gal!

Now..I am into over 10 female friends and I am totally comfortable!! Like I am comfortable..

Now I don't care about a gal calling another guy beside me..or sex chatting..so far it's not affecting my shares and even if it affects me...I wee just walk over to the next gal!

There is time for everything. Yes, even fukcing 10 different girls/guys.

Eventually all that stuff becomes played out and it becomes time to wear your big boy/girl pants and do patron/matriarch things.
Catch your fun, but know when to start transitioning so you don't become "THAT uncle/aunty".

I like her.
She no carry tattoo full body like all these akata

mhizesther:
Oh okay.. i'm sorry I know things are definitely somehow in this buhari's administration but please u dont have to pour out ur frustration here.. I made a comment and that was my own opinion..you are entitled to yours sir, I think you should get some rest. It'll definitely help u.. I hope u feel better

It is annoying when a man is just there happily minding his business in the year 2017 yet been told by everyone that he is wrong...for someone else's own indiscretion, when the person in question is not a child or invalid.

It is stupid the way everyone keeps trying to look for new ways to attack mens' dignities based on what some other adult woman is doing or in this case, deciding to not wear. I'm sure if she asked or mentioned that she needed his help, he would have been more than happy to. And if he didn't, then he is well within his dignified right not to.

I don't buy into this whole "Real man" propaganda. According to this picture, and the subject line, this dude who you don't know from Adam and don't know whether or not he even offered her said jacket is being touted as "not a real man"...because the adult walking beside him didn't feel she needed a jacket.

I speak against such emotional/subliminal programming wherever I see it. People should just get sense in general and stop looking for new and creative ways to blame men for silly situations women put themselves into.

mhizesther:
Well, maybe but still, he should act like a gentleman

STFU

Your own na just to sha sha blame man for every foolish thing woman do.
Na your type we dey curve.

If you apply some basic non-selfish sense, you would also notice that he is mentally predisposed doing something else.
If the woman needs help, AND ASKS FOR IT, I'm sure he'll be nice and help her out.

iluvpomo:
There is very little that can be done. This forum is using a “packaged solution” and so customization is not readily available. Facebook/Twitter etc have very big dedicated IT teams while Nairaland has none. People have to accept Nairaland for what it is.

No this has little to do with anything.
Also only the old NL was packaged. This is a custom thing.

Airforce1:
The last one I ate tastes like Pussy

Thats because dem wash put.

Superstarm:
Good evening guys im from the Atl.

Welcome fam. [fist bump]

LOL beggars man.

When it comes to money, I don't 'borrow' what I know I cannot dash.
By the time that money is leaving my hand, then it means I have decided that it is dash.
If the money comes back to me, then I see it as a pleasant surprise. If it doesn't, then that person knows that they can't come to beg me for anything else later in the future.

You have to ask yourself simply: Can I afford to dash this person this money (you're not working yourself, so likely no)? If the answer is no, Just tell them "sorry wish I could help but I can't". Simple. You don't owe anyone any explanation past that. Don't start using your own mouth to swear for yourself by creating negative stories as to why you can't dash borrow them the money.

Gluhbirne:
I might be coming to ATL in Dec for a week, visiting an aunt. Maybe you can show me around.

Are you shy? Afraid of rejection? A workaholic? Or why are you single? What's your story?

LOL none of the above. I just moved here, and I don't do long distance stuvs.
This is just a call to connect with naija young pros like myself in town.

Do post again when you get here.
If we are a large enough group of registrants by then maybe we do a meetup.

Martin0:
Hahahah na wa for u ooo
I just have to assume like that

You never talk why?

Martin0:
So u telling me u single
Na wa oooo

Why would you assume otherwise?

I got posted out here to Atlanta GA and I'm curious where all the Young professional Nigerians are hiding?
Especially the single female ones

Register your presence people.

Rokia2:
A wise woman? Lol traditionalism suddenly comes into play cause it benefits her. She sounds to me like a selfish woman not a wise woman. And now women have also started complaining of men not helping them around the house. A lot of man nowdays help women around the house and with the kids as well.

So why shouldn't the woman help in times of need like this scenario? Shouldn't marriage be a teamwork? Beside this is just for some time and not a Permanent thing.

But with that been said no man should allow his wife be the solo breadwinner of the house unless a situation like this arise or he lose his job. Most females tend to be disrespectful when they are the solo breadwinner. Why I don't know but that's the damn fact.

There are ways to check for this before marrying them.
It is generally why I run away from women who's only real passion is "to get married".
To me this is one of the key red flags that this person hardly sees herself "achieving anything more with someone who shares the same lifestyle goal", like financial freedom, etc. Basically, she and I are not equally yoked.

A partner-wife would have no problem investing in such initiatives, as would a partner-husband vice-versa.

There are a lot of people who get married without even caring to know what the other person's passions are and how they can synergize with each other to help fulfil each others' dreams when the opportunity presents itself. A real partner-wife would infact be cheering him on....because if it succeeds, it basically means she herself never has to go to work ever again

Marriage is not just about making children and separated monotony. The result of this mindset is where women start creating threads about how "not being able to have a child is breaking up their marriage" and hence they start looking for how to adopt a baby just to trick inlaws into thinking that she finally gave birth. This is unfortunately what basic-thinking has led to summizing what marriage is about. If child come or not, all glory to God. Enjoy the partnership with your husband and carry on making each others (solidly-founded) dreams come true.

bukatyne:
The lady has told you she is traditional meaning she is willing to bear the burden of running the home alone while the husband concentrates on his job.... making money.

So you are telling this woman that she will do her own job and do yours in addition while you are 'playing startup'.....

Does she have the opportunity to relinquish her job to you while she gallivants with a pet project?

I would say she is a wise woman who knows what she wants and you are obviously not the man for her.

Obviously! That's why I told her we would not be compatible and ended the matter (much to her annoyance).
Also Obviously your tone i.e calling her "wise" and referring to me as "playing ...." infers that you are both of the same limited mindset.

I wish you both the best.
There is a kind of flexibility needed in the 21st century home that has no place for that way of thinking.
She is a lawyer (6-digit USD), not a stay-at-home mum. So that "whats mine is mine, what's his is ours" mindset won't be healthy going into a marriage. I never date a woman who thinks in such a selfish manner and I ask these things early on before anyone gets their feelings involved.

What it simply means is that the wife is incapable of seeing herself as a co-investor in opportunities that have a good chance of elevating the family to financial freedom.
It is an indicator of a lack of shared vision and mismatched compatibility. Not every woman can be a wife. If she manages to be a wife, not every wife can be a partner. There are levels.

I only court partners.

MhizzAJ:
And your brother believed what the pastor said

Your brother needs to have a rethink about this whole thing

His wife has kids for him already

All these pastors always end up bringing confusion into people's home

They do more of guesswork

Your brother isn't wise at all and that pastor is not spirit filled

Why are nairalanders this illiterate?
The opening post is a subject and a post. You will only look at the subject and not READ the actual post, and then you start typing foolishly.

Abi to read dey pain una brain? Does every word-translated-to-meaning cause your brain crippling pain?

If you read it, you will see that it was confirmed by his wife, so his belief or non-belief about the matter is not a factor.

Modelqwen:




Hia..... everyday wahala..

Op.... me too the matter tire me.

I doubt a woman that loves her husband
would say such prayer for her spouse.

A lot of women want to marry, but they are too wicked to be wives. They are incapable of love.
If you want to have an idea how backward some women reason, see this thread: https://www.nairaland.com/4158693/wives-solo-earner-time

mhizesther:
No not just any woman, she's your wife and she's supposed to help.. If she nags about it, then she really shouldn't be called a wife.. As long as you've got a job and It's clear u are trying /doing your best as a husband .

What if the plan is that you be a solo earner for a year or 2?
See this thread for details: https://www.nairaland.com/4158693/wives-solo-earner-time

Mariinee:
I'm not a wife yet but that's not a big deal, tbh.

I asked a single nigerian girl who claims to be "traditonal" (yoruba?) and she said no she will not allow her husband make her the solo bread-winner for as long as that (regardless of if her income alone can hold the fort during the time) because according to her: "if that is what he wanted to do, he should have saved up for it to cover his end of family expenses during the time" She says she can make her money "available as extra" but will never allowed it to be "depended on". (or some razzness like that) The only way she sees that happening is if it came about through uncontrolled circumstances e.g husband losing his job. But as for her, this can never be a deliberate plan.

I had to tell her straight up that we can only be friends, because she and I will be incompatible as a married couple.
There is nothing "traditional" about this way of thinking. It is just pure, destiny-killing selfishness. As in, why are you now a working spouse if your income cannot be "depended on" to propel the family forward?

Or maybe I lack perspective?

This question is for working wives.
Say you and your husband have good careers and make good money. (He's a Software Engineer, you are a Lawyer)
Besides his 9-5, Your husband has always been working on side-startups with his friends and now it seems they are at that point where one of their projects is building traction with the very real potential (growing user-base, celebrity connections, etc) to become massive in the future.

They are at that point where he needs to start going to present at conferences, changing his LinkedIn title to reflect this startup (instead of his current employer) and just basically make a transition.

Naturally, these activities won't be compatible with his current employer so he would have to quit his current job and focus on this potential-filled startup, which will lead to the family being financially free in the future!

Now where wifey comes in is that, the husband will probably be making little to any money during this transition and it could take anywhere from A YEAR OR 2 before real sensible income starts coming. During this time, wifey would have to be the solo earner.

My question then to you working wives is: Would you agree to support your husband and family in this way? Especially as this is a sacrifice towards a chance at total financial freedom for your family?

I asked one nigerian girl and she said no she will not.

Watch this video and be blessed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMo5AWQQrKg

I recently had a conversation with a single woman and we started talking about finances in marriage.
She has a good career (potentially 6-digit USD). Unfortunately she has convinced herself that she is "traditional" and that when it comes to the family, only the man's income should be considered or *planned* with. (Is this a Yoruba thing?)

I found this outlook absurd, so much so that I told her we can only really be friends as we would be incompatible as a married couple (this pissed her off but oh well).
Ladies, I don't know who deceived you, but this way of thinking is NOT traditional. It is just simply you being a selfish bitch....to YOUR VERY OWN FAMILY. If you REALLY want to be traditional, you would be handing everything you make to your husband, but we know that won't fly. Luckily no-one needs that from y'all. Just make your income available to family planning.

And thunder fire you if you manage to make your income available only to now demand to be "paid back". that is foolishness of the highest order.

When it comes to marriage financial plans, few plans make more sense than both having their own private accounts, and then a shared account where anywhere from 60% - 90% of EACH person's income goes into to plan family-centric things.

My sisters, if you are making money and your income cannot be considered when making plans to propel the family forward, then what is the purpose of you working?
What will you be doing with all your money? Do you not even have shame?

Apply sense ma.

ramzythecoder:
Hello people,

I grew up in Deeper Life so while growing up we were taught that fornication is a sin, so i was always trying to avoid it as a plague, and decided not to have anything doing with female folks until i'm ready for marriage because it may lead to fornication. Hmm, now 35yrs old with a good job (Software Engineer) and no relationship, i'm always busy nowadays that i don't even have time to socialize. Please house, what strategy do you think can be applied towards getting a desired missing .

Online dating. Ignore nigerian bush mindset, it's actually not that bad.

As you are there, so are some high-quality women who don't have time to socialize or who don't see the point in clubs lounges etc.
It's a good way to filter bullshit sometimes....as long as it's a paid service.

(You pay to participate, she pays to participate) This wa, you can be sure this is a high quality chick who isn't just trying to do olosho things.