₦airaland Forum

I recently had a conversation with a girl and we started talking about finances in marriage.
She has a good career (potentially 6-digit USD). Unfortunately she has convinced herself that she is "traditional" and that when it comes to the family, only the man's income should be considered or *planned* with.

I found this outlook absurd, so much so that I told her we can only really be friends as we would be incompatible as a married couple (this pissed her off but oh well).
Ladies, I don't know who deceived you, but this way of thinking is NOT traditional. It is just simply you being a selfish woman....to YOUR VERY OWN FAMILY. If you REALLY want to be traditional, you would be handing everything you make to your husband, but we know that won't fly. Luckily no-one needs that from y'all. Just make your income available.

And thunder fire you if you manage to make your income available only to now demand to be "paid back". that is foolishness of the highest order.

When it comes to marriage financial plans, few plans make more sense than both having their own private accounts, and then a shared account where anywhere from 60% - 90% of EACH person's income goes into to plan family-centric things.

My sisters, if you are making money and your income cannot be considered when making plans to propel the family forward, then what is the purpose of you working?
What will you be doing with all your money?

Apply sense ma.

Funny how Good looking or wealthy or faithful are traits that cannot co-exist

Because she might put way too much meaning to it that you care for.

Girl: I've never felt anything like that before. You must be "The ONE"
Guy:

Weight gain could be a factor.
Has her weight changed? Her weight could be compressing her bladder when she sleeps.

FvckShiT:
[color=#F535AA]Since you've fûcked her pússy like 6 fuçkin times , just leave her the fúck alone & fuçkin move to the next available pússy [/color]

It's not about the pússy at this point or the woman.
It's about your dignity as a man. My dignity is worth more to me than 10 million women!

Another man cannot come and threaten me over what is currently mine. If he wants it, he can fúcking wait his turn!
I will keep her either through tact or through connections....unless na she herself wan go.

IamSINZ:
Be a man, take him out, buy him a drink or two then tell him you're engaged to marry the girl. Have a friendly-polite convo with him, he'll leave you be.

Correct guy.

ashjay001:
Had d experience.


Some of my Gees belonged, so d nigga gave himself brain. Me self comot eye!

If she bring am, I chop clean mouth. Tank God say I dey use specs, if I see dem, I comot eye like say I no see am. Sometimes sef, she fit leave d nigga come greet me.


They ended up married sha, though separated presently.

I no get this your story Oga. Na you be the victim abi na you be cult boy?

I've spoken to a few naija guys here who went to who school in Nigerian universities.
They recount stories of how Cult boys threatened them and they had to leave their then girlfriend or suffer bloody beatings or even death.

Has any guy encountered this foolishness?
How did you handle it? How WOULD you handle it?

I don't think I would gree. Dia Fada!

The American Embassy are not police.
This lawlessness should be punished

Rokia2:
Am sorry ooh I forgot.

No rush/pressure. Whenever you feel you wanna connect

Rokia2:
Seun I have been waitng forever for this change. There should be a messaging system whereby people can view their messages on nairaland itself. Like how Facebook is.


Instead of having to go in your email and all that.


I thought you would have thought of that like long ago.

lalasticlala

Speaking-of, how far?
Connection pending

Now THIS is a church I don't mind paying tithe to.

DO SOMETHING with the resources to bless actual people, don't just eat and get fatter and enslave people's minds with false propaganda.
Ever since I left church leadership tinz, I have been very choosy as to where I invest my seed in.

adorablevincy:
For those who want to be part of the second phase of inspection coming up on Saturday 30-09-2017 should please call 09098621541 and let us include your name. When you come, any request you tender will be duely granted. Scammers keep off........ Our business has a face. All Yahoo boys........Fire...!!!!! That's how they took the documents of a land belonging to one of the royal families here in Lagos and went to sale to the member of that royal family overseas (royal family's) land that had been sold long time ago to another client. Your abroad does not move mountains again (talking about the yahoozzz...) We've seen things and heard things....... Even if you give us your properties to handle or sale for you, we keep them protected while trying our best to sale in good time to help you meet your target.

It's a freaking public document. Not some private thing.
Simply provide him the number so he can verify it himself before wasting time paying lawyer to meet anybody.

You really don't know your job.

shaybebaby:
Who mentioned preference?

You made a direct inference that you'd rather have sex with a Love Machine than with your man if in the middle of a petty argument.

supersystemsnig:
Yes, some are on Nairaland though....I met one like that, shiiit,she's muslim...


Some are on nairaland or should i say many, but they simply read comments and don't comment...Trust me, i've come across a few off the forum...I know a lady works top managerial level earns over amil monthly, i swear it, feminist will be ashamed at her calmness, makes sense die..but her own too much abeg... Phd in Maths, can you beat that

Na wa oh...Na where we go come find babes we get all ten qualities na?

Empty vessels make the most noise.
Women who can't seem to get good guys (likely due to faults of their own) are always the ones who carry these militaristic stances.
A woman who is either "ready" or who is already feeling that good good man-love hardly bothers with such foolishness.

Notice how one of them on this thread was inferring that Love Machine is better than dic.

shaybebaby:
Even a dïldo will achieve the required. An orgasm achieved regardless of the method releases a flood of endorphins.

Sorry but the woman that says she prefers dildos to the real thing is a creep and a loser.

As much as a guy who would say he prefers "fleshlight" or sexdolls to real hot toto and yansh.

As in eh, serious losers.
Don't clap for yourself at all

pocohantas:
I believe there should be a head in any setting. It could be the man or the woman...

Not every leader in the office barks out orders, mine doesn't. A leader is first a team mate, before being a leader.

This woman is a diamond in the swamp. I swiar!
Hopefully some lucky man is already giving you the honor you deserve!

shaybebaby:
What's wrong with using her brains? Do you advocate using your dick to get what you want?

If my future wife was being pissy? Definitely!
It would mean she needs some good dic to quiet her azz down

shaybebaby:
He can only kick me out if He is the primary care giver to our kids. And in that case, YES! I will pay alimony and child maintenance.
As to my income, it depends on his age, the age of the kids and his career prospects. I would rather go for a clean break settlement and pay for the upkeep of my kids if he is awarded custody.

NEXT!

Then sounds like you're ready for marriage.
Just not marriage to a half-way decent/masculine man because we simple just don't play that

I highly recommend lesbianism

shaybebaby:
When ordinary ukwu pushes your mumu button

See this is what we say when we mean that a woman can get anything she wants from her man, so long as she realizes her strengths and uses it.
Ukwu na strength o. That ish has crumbled empires

Now imagine if she used that to playfully/softly sway her hubby instead of beating her chest at him and acting like an untamed gorilla.

shaybebaby:
To summarise, a man is the leader because he proposes, pays for the wedding (even though, a lot of times the brides parents pay for it, sometimes even the couples themselves), buys the ring.
LMAO.

Girls, you heard it. Do all this and voila! You are fit to lead.

O That's just the start.

In a place like yankee, if he decides to divorce you, he can kick you out of the house YOU paid for and collect alimony from you for life.
He will ofcourse be bringing other women into this house to bang while you live in abject poverty in a basement/boys quarters somewhere seeing as at least 60% of your income goes to him....for life!

"Heavy is the head that wears the crown". So don't always be in a hurry to wrest leadership from people.
Everybody thinks leading is easy.

shaybebaby:
Both requires mutual respect and roles do overlap, depends on the task/industry.
Not withstanding, the manager cannot do as he pleases either. But in appointing managers, experience, and technical ability is part of the criteria. Not gender.

So tell me, what qualifies a man to always be the leader that a woman does not/cannot possess?

Buy the ring (and there better be a giant rock on it), get on your damn knees, Propose to the man, pay for wedding, bride (abi groom) price, lists, etc.
Then from there we can even start to talk about that. Till then, you are not ready!

supersystemsnig:
If both parents club till midnight, who instills moral principles in the kids? Baby sitter?

I personally won't be that parent, but I won't judge those who do.
They could just as well go to a casino, A hotel lounge, whatever helps them remember that they are more than just their children's parents.

This is something I feel Nigerian parents don't do enough of. And they exasperate the issue further by calling each other "Papa Emeka" and "Mama Dolapo"

shaybebaby:
In as much as you give the same measure of respect. So now we back to equality.
Do not dish what you cannot eat yourself. Both genders.

That takes nothing away from the fact that these are still 2 different roles.
One is still the manager. The relationship could just be full of so much trust that there is no micro-management needed.

shaybebaby:
Why should fun stop once you are married?
Kids do one thing, they suck the passion out of the relationship.
In fact, I recommend it to keep that reminder of who you both were before kids and responsibility. With everything else in life, moderation is key.

This I agree with. So long as they trust and are doing it together mostly.

shaybebaby:
There is the saying "absolute power corrupts".

To prevent that, there is the need for checks and balances(independent) to curb this.

In the society, we have laws.
In corporations, we have external auditors, non executive board of directors who are not involved in the decision making(that is the responsibility of executive directors).
We have professional bodies providing oversight to keep these people in check in their positions of power

What is the equivalent for the power/leadership you say men should wield in marriages?

My checker should be my wife, so long as she does it respectfully!
There is this thing we do at my office called a one-on-one. You and your manager go for a stroll or something and give praises and feedback to each other on how they handled certain things and how they can both improve.

To me, this is leadership.
But to you, you hear the word leadership, and you think "Donald Trump".
I think it's a reflection of the inner you. You need to deal with it, or you will frustrate the man God gives you.

pocohantas:
I have never mentioned kneeling to serve food, I don't know where you got that from. It's not my business how they serve food...so far they are both happy with the arrangement.

Control means, rule, command, restrain. There are women who are okay with you reminding them you will control them, marry them.
I respect a husband and his position as the head of the home, but I won't tolerate him telling me he will control me. We will control and respect each other. This is the kind of man I seek.

Every organised set has a leader, be it office, religious or family. The day a leader comes out and starts telling his subordinates "I will control you", rather than saying "we are a team, but since we need a spokesperson...I am that person", there would be chaos. Dassall

I twale for this babe.
She gets it!

supersystemsnig:
You must be fucken kiddin me brov, couples going to strip clubs together...Hilarious...Little wonder why the world's going bananas, how would such hopeless degenerates raise up healthy children and instill sound values and principles in them?

I agree with you, such should be toned down after serious unions.
But lemme level with you, there are more honest couples in a strip club than there are in church. I dey tell you.

shaybebaby:
Why is it extreme?
Answer my question.

I can understand a leader like Trump needing impeachment (abuse of power), but is that your mindset for every single time a leader doesn't do things YOUR WAY?
Because by that very same logic, you yourself won't be able to lead a person like you! You wouldn't last in any leadership capacity in anything.

Is your definition of "Abuse of power" = "Disagreeing with me"?

You are just projecting your own inability to lead at men, which is why you've been hell-bent on this "I expect power to be abused by men 100%" mindset..

shaybebaby:
And the whole point is that arrangement no longer works. Women are fighting for more rights to be equal not to be superior.

And even within the same organisational structures that you as examples, there are checks to counter abuse of power by those in position of leadership. You fail to perform as president, you are voted out, act unconstitutionally,-impeachment.
CEO- mess up? Replaced by the shareholders.

What you advocate has no place in civilised societies, maybe in North Korea, that style of leadership is akin to what you proscribe as leadership.

So tell me, what checks exist for your male leadership in marriage?

There you;ve gone again to the extreme end.
I think you're focused on seeing red. We won't see eye to eye on these matters.

In the mean time, when you heading out to the stripclub?

pocohantas:
Thanks for your understanding, that's why I like you...sometimes.
Nah, except I want to annoy some people intentionally, there are things I don't support...infidelity is one of them.



Not every man wants to control a woman in the name of marriage. I've met a few who don't give a fuk, just respect them. Marry the woman you can control, everyone should find his or her spec.

The emboldened is the base of it all.
A woman will go far with any man in her life if she understands that emboldened phrase!

supersystemsnig:
Marriage comes with responsibilities...if babes go to clubs for clubbing, should it continue into marriage? How about the imagery of the institution...All those engagement should end during relationships and not into marriage nau

Definitely bros.
The stripclub is different from clubbing though. People don't go to the stip club to "meet" members of the opposite sex as they would in a club.
It's more like a burlesque show. People eat and stuff at the stripclub. Out here in ATL going to the stripclub is a culturally normal thing.

As long as both couples are into it, that all boils down to couple compatibility and them having fun together.