₦airaland Forum

The Rise of the Side Chick

Being a side chick used to be so taboo not too long ago. Most women who fell into the side chick category knew they were the side chick but most never truly accepted that role. Most side chick women back in the day held out hope that their man would leave his girl or his wife & start a true meaningful relationship with her. Even these women who were the side chicks, most of them probably never really came out and admitted to the public or to anyone for that matter that they were side chicks to a man. It was embarrassing & shameful to think that a woman would be so desperate that she had to share a man. Now the tables are turning.

Thanks to reality tv shows like Love & Hip Hop, being a side chick is no longer embarrassing…it’s almost like a badge of honor. It may not be 100% totally acceptable even by the side chick, but it’s no longer a place where women whom are side chicks just quietly parlay in the shadows. Side chicks are coming out & letting the world know that they are side chicks AND they are proud of it AND the wifey in most cases know they exist & feel a real sense of threat from them. There is no real shame in the game anymore. The objective for most side chicks is to get what they can get from the man in exchange for giving up their goodies. Most would like for the man to leave his wife, but a lot would be happy with just settling for playing second string because they can fulfill certain aspects of the wifey role and get treated (sometimes better) just as well as the wifey but they don’t have to carry the official title of being the wife. Thanks to our culture of music and television, this thought process is constantly being promoted & becoming more accepting.
OnyxTruth-2014 The Year of the Side ChicK



For your unbiased reading@cococandy.

cococandy:
Captain blame the west.

I wonder what my costume will look like; anywho,it must have a cape

It's a habit of yours. And it's annoying.
Talk about any little thing and your first repsonse would be to blame the west. Let me even ask you which west are you blaming? All the countries in the Western Hemisphere of the world?

I only have a problem with you for you constant habit of denying responsibility all the time and finding a way to make it about this ominous western place that no one even knows the location of.

And your habit of defending them without first digesting what the post was about is annoying as well. Na your native country? Why you dey vex? Dem go deport you if you disagree with them?

Cococandy where did the term "Babymama" and "side-chic" originate from?
Not the concept o, the term itself?

cococandy:
My point from the beginning is that westernization is not to blame for married people cheating as he put it.

Of course you say in the old days the man would marry the girl.
Yes that's so much better. Bring the adultery and the disrespect home.
I'm not even arguing to start with much less constructively. Someone says the west is responsible for men cheating on their wives and I say it's bullshit. We are not arguing.

But to avoid long meaningless talk
I've bowed to pressure agreed with him.

It's the west and the girls that are to blame.
The married men have no fault in it.

What else do you want me to say?

I dont know who you are agreeing with cos thats not what I said.

If we can retrace our steps and return to our high levels of morality and shun western corruption maybe we can pull ourselves out if this quagmire.

This was the only phrase in which i mentioned the West.
All I was saying is that there are certain western influences that are detrimental to our society; not to put the whole blame of adultery on the west.
But as usual you came in, saw me mention "West" and as thier sole defender,nairaland's own Captain America, you went into hyperdrive.

Wether you like it or not Western influence has a way of affecting our culture especially when it comes to morality. It may not be totally responsible but it definitely plays a part.

I see I was not so alone in my thoughts
Not everyone views the west with such sanctimony

***goes back to reading thread***

cococandy:
Nobody is going after the men. They are going after the girls themselves. The way some married men deny their marital status, take off their rings and pursue young girls is alarming sometimes. If I didn't experience it, i'd have thought it was a lie.

As usual blame the west

Western men respect their wives. You don't mess with your wife like a fool around here or you will have grave consequences if she wants to drag your ass to court.

Pls blame who's to blame.
From blaming the girls, you've turned to blame the west. African men are no longer polygamous?

Will it hurt you for once to apportion blame where it belongs? Ugh! Jeez!

Where was the term "side chic" coined from?
Who glamourised the term "Baby mama"? And made it such a thing of pride that our ladies started making headlines with it?
Are those African terms?

Sure we have always had mistresses and the philandering husband and secret wives but we didn't glamourise it. It was a thing of shame actually. Unfaithfulness occurs everywhere, even in your precious west. In fact it became so rampant in the West that laws had to be enacted to discourage such behaviour. Hence your "respectful" western men who are only respectful because they fear the law courts. It doesn't stop cheating though as evidenced by the TV series of "cheaters" I watch daily and the level of divorces still at an all time high in the US.

I know this might come as a rude shock to you but the US is a festering cesspool of unfaithful men and women. I know, I know, have a hankie



As per your example of men going after the girls sure that happens. But for you to deny that girls also go out of thier way to chase married men shows you being biased (as usual, nothing new here), or you must have gotten married really young and had innocent friends as well. There are frequent reports in my office of single girls throwing themselves kamikaze-like at married men whether or not they wear rings and it's really tasking and laborious trying to discourage them or push them away. These girls know the said target is married but are undeterred, in fact some have admitted it's a kind of turn-on for them as they view married men as more "responsible" and "matured".

All men have the tendency to be polygamous of they can get away with it, even your precious white men in the West. It's just the courts like you said that holds them back.

freecocoa:
Call it whatever you like, I couldn't care less.

Of course you care, which is why you replied.
I, on the other hand am done with this back-and-forth that you instigated when you could have simply explained yourself.

You re usually more logical than this so I'll take it it's that time of the month again. Perfectly understandable.

Ciao.

freecocoa:
[s]You can write all these but couldn't tell that "demigods" is a figure of speech? I see.

It will do you a lot of good, should you learn to read between the lines, then again, we all know how it goes on here, if you expect this to turn into men vs women, then you are on a long thing, it is not news that you lots here don't speak the truth on matters involving women. Yes women are expected to tolerate a lot, even as much as being hit, simply means, they should endure if they get hit, I don't see how that translates to every woman is usually hit in her matrimonial home.

How you choose to understand what I wrote is solely on you but what I wrote is pretty clear and straightforward.

What I wrote about you being naive is very on point as you sure acted like it, by feigning ignorance(or maybe you actually are ignorant) on how women are often treated by in-laws, as regards comprehension, you twisted my words which told me you didn't comprehend it in the first place, therefore, I have no regrets.[/s]

What I read between the lines here is a proud rant from someone who doesn't want to admit she wasn't clear in her post.

freecocoa:
Slow down to understand my point.

I do agree with you that people should speak up for themselves, we may not have the same approach though.

That post of mine was only letting you in on how things can be around here on matters such as this, which makes it not so ridiculous to see threads like this.

And here you are explaining the same post to someone else. Be honest, your post was not clear.

freecocoa:
Where in my post did you see that her husband should shout on his folks? Did you even read my post?

Which is why I said "hold on, I don't get you."
It was a question directed at understanding if you were in support of sky's post or not.

You are a liar if you say it's not common practice to place in-laws on some sort of pedestal in Nigeria.

This is what YOU said:

Might actually be ridiculous but then, things are done differently in nigeria. Your in-laws are to be taken as some sort of demi gods, you literally have to have their approval to have a successful marriage, which is usually defined as the woman tolerating even as much as being hit , so it shouldn't surprise you to see such threads on here.

Where are you from if I may ask?

And this was my reply

Secondly, it is not common practice in Nigeria to see in-laws as "demi-gods"

YOU used the term "demi-gods" which I objected to. If you had originally said in laws are placed in "some sort of pedestal" then that would have been ok.
You also said a successful marriage is usually defined as a woman tolerating even being hit, like its a criteria for a successful marriage in Nigeria WHICH IS MELODRAMATIC AND WRONG. Stop speaking for the populace and speak for yourself!

Kindly stop being naive and learn comprehension.

This was unnecessary. Saying you are melodramatic in no way coincides with this your response. But ladies are usually quick with words and men have no choice but to tolerate as is usual with our society.

The man has told you he is married, yet you still go after him.
Then tomorrow you marry and pray the same won't happen to you.
If the women had more dignity I'm themselves and refused spreading thier legs inspite of financial gains offered then there would be fewer mistresses.

In the end society is to blame. In our wisdom we have gone far from God and morality. Baby mamas are now celebrated and those who castigated them are accused of slut-shaming. They are admonished not to judge. And society continues to rot.

If we can retrace our steps and return to our high levels of morality and shun western curruption maybe we can pull ourselves out of this quagmire.

The man has told you he is married, yet you still go after him.
Then tomorrow you marry and pray the same won't happen to you.
If the women had more dignity I'm themselves and refused spreading thier legs inspite of financial gains offered then there would be fewer mistresses.

In the end society is to blame. In our wisdom we have gone far from God and morality. Baby mamas are now celebrated and those who castigated them are accused of slut-shaming. They are admonished not to judge. And society continues to rot.

If we can retrace our steps and return to our high levels of morality and shun western curruption maybe we can pull ourselves out if this quagmire.

freecocoa:
Might actually be ridiculous but then, things are done differently in nigeria. Your in-laws are to be taken as some sort of demi gods, you literally have to have their approval to have a successful marriage, which is usually defined as the woman tolerating even as much as being hit, so it shouldn't surprise you to see such threads on here.

Where are you from if I may ask?

Hold on, I don't get you.
Are you in support of the man shouting on his mother or father in front of his wife? Even in developed countries like the US it is considered bad manners to do so.
Secondly, it is not common practice in Nigeria to see in-laws as "demi-gods" or to even tolerate your wife being hit in front of them. Kindly stop being melodramatic.

My family believe that men are superior to women, whereas I don't. Everytime they make such comments, I begin a discussion, voice my opinion, and shout when necessary. I don't care if they think I'm crazy, i care about defending what I am, a woman, and if creating a bad moment is necessary, i din't mind, i will still voice my opinion, ALWAYS.

If her own family believes men are superior to women and she constantly has to defend herself everytime they make such comments...then most probably her country is not far off from ours since both countries seem to share the same ideology about women.

She's probably typing from Ikorodu. Or Cameroon maybe.

skyfullofstars:
Wow, do not ever let ANYONE insult you! No matter whether it's a stranger or somebody very close to you, no matter whether it's a woman or a man, someone old or someone young! Please, stand up for yourself, do not wait for a man to defend you. You are a human being and you should be the one to confront this situation.

My family believe that men are superior to women, whereas I don't. Everytime they make such comments, I begin a discussion, voice my opinion, and shout when necessary. I don't care if they think I'm crazy, i care about defending what I am, a woman, and if creating a bad moment is necessary, i din't mind, i will still voice my opinion, ALWAYS.

Please watch Chimamanda Adichie's talk on feminism.

That's my advice, rather than waiting for your husband to do anything...we need to empower women to show equality.

This is why you are still single



Na joke I dey o

netotse:
That mad max sucked big time Jo...the only plus to watching it was that it was with the missus. Wasted two hours of my life...Lol.

Seriously?
Enjoyed every minute of it and have watched it twice now! I enjoyed the end-of-the-world, order-amidst-choas feel of the movie. Also them kamikrazees were hilarious!

Just finished watching MAD MAX and INTERSTELLAR on HD.
Both lovely.

Abbey2sam:
see advice!
why are african women like this? they don't believe they can survive without a man, or after two kids you want to tell me you don't have any saving, leave that man and go back to your parents (that's one thing I love about the Yoruba people, they accept you back )

start a new life, you mustn't live under a man for fvck sake
I guarantee you, if you leave now you can still find someone that will marry you

a

When she couldn't find someone of her choice to marry her when she was single
And now that she has two kids
Which kain guarantee?!

tyconcepts:
You ended the story well...I wonder why I couldn't find d last pic tho'

Thanks
I followed the link and then did a little bit of searching before I finally found the whole thing.
Very nice piece of work.

Ruq:
Quite stupid, I was expecting something more scary. I think whoever made'em just wanted to get back at ladies for always labelling guys as dogs. So what would've happened if he nooked em, they surely wouldn't procreate and it would be normal as they are real biatches in clothing. They are just prolly on heat like a normal female dog would.


I mean why did the fuckin grandma stop the dogs from getting the D, the picture even potrayed the nigga as cool, it's obvious it was the ladies that wanted it's so bad.

.

You didn't read between the lines.

The ladies were carnivorous and eat thier lovers. As soon as their prey agrees to fvck them, as soon as the deed is over, the male lovers turn into goats which are then slaughtered and eaten.
The younger sister was angry because the elder sister had just finished with a lover (the goat the man helped her slaughter) and was going after the new prize instead of leaving him for the younger sister to devour.

The old woman (thier mother/keeper) had had enough of the killings and besides this man was different from the others in that he had a kind heart and was always willing to help. So she didn't want him to fall prey to her daughters and that was why she prevented him from sleeping with them. The daughters became frustrated in that none of them would get the man not even the young girl that tried to get him drunk while away from the watchful eyes of thier mother. Slaughtering him as a goat would have been better/easier but it didn't work out so they tried to hunt him down as dogs. Luckily thier mother still had her eyes on the kind young man and had followed quietly behind to make sure he made it home safe. Hence her timely intervention when the dogs were about to rip him to pieces. She saved his life with her magic and he was able to find his way home.

The end.

Final chapter.

All credit goes to the artist for this wonderful breathtaking story.

Stillfire:
Many men do this too. Both women and men are humans, both are given to all sorts of vices. Some women have custody of their kids and their new boyfriends punish the kids as well. Some people just don't care. That's life.

But you can't compare the love a man has for his kids to that of a woman who carried those kids in her womb for 9months and breastfed them. It's not the same at all. A woman abandoning her children is more hurtful than man walking away although both are wrong.

So how do they expect you to discipline your kids if you don't spank them once in a while?

Cool thread

and people still don't find this DEMONIC?

tyconcepts:
Bros manage the story like that....My source no gimme more pics

You no try at allll

It's the natural feminine instinct.
The woman feels hatred for another woman's offspring out of fear that they will share the love, care and protection the man would have given her and her own offspring.

In the animal kingdom the female would kill off all the offspring of the other mate so the male will focus more on her.


A good mother will carry her kids and run. But with the gospel of selfishness and self-love being preached on social media nowadays and with the attending self-sacrifice it would take to cater for these kids alone, most women no longer have the motherly instinct and gladly trade their children for a life of selfishness and comfort.

bukatyne:
Thanks for the response...

I modified my post but I guess it did not go through...

What are the instances of obedience?

Obedience is acknowledging the man as the head and yielding to his instructions. It can take many forms. Do you have any particular example in mind?

bukatyne:
Thanks for the robust reply

Do you think humility is only expected from the wife?

No.
A wife is humble to her husband's decisions.
A husband is humble to the position his wife has recognised in him i.e the position of a leader.
Pride should come from the woman towards her husband and not from the man towards his position.
A proud man is impervious to the suggestions of others. If he is someone who is "always right" it might work in his favour, but ultimately he is bound to make a mistake and fall. Pride does not allow for growth.

The problem most women have with submission is when it applies to men in whom they have no regard for, or situations in which it seems the woman is being treated more as a slave than as a submissive partner. Women hear of men who come home from work and order thier wives about, telling her to cook, clean, do the dishes, serve his food, sweep the house, empty the dustbins, feed the kids, put them to sleep, while she is six months pregnant, and then he beats her up for good measure when she hints that she is getting tired.
A man that collects the woman's salary and uses it to drink beer while his children starve at home, a man who cheats on his wife continually and uses the little money she earns to buy clothes and gifts for his mistress while the wife scrubs the floor in her rags.

The above situation is not an ideal situation and should not be treated as the norm. Women when they hear the term "submissive" invariably draw a picture similar to that above as if that is how all men bahave.If a man loves you he wouldn't treat you badly, he wouldnt abuse the power he has over you as his wife. A loving man would nurture his wife and take decisions that benefit both himself and his wife and the entire family. Which is why women must choose wisely before they enter into the institution of marriage. Also entering marriage with a good man, a man you know is decent, only for you to put on your boxing gloves and scream "no man is going to make me submit!" at the slightest inclination will only bring out the worst in your husband as no man wishes to be usurped in his own home. IT is the nature of man to become aggressive when faced with rebellion, especially rebellion he knows he an easily crush at any time. It does not augur peace when a woman comes into her marriage proffessing to love her man but baring her fangs at the slightest indication of the man's headship. No man wants that.

bukatyne:
@5minsmadness,

You have not said what 'submission' means to you

To me Submission means "Obedience and humility".
I like using the example of A Team and Teamleaders.
Anyone in the team can make a suggestion, some suggestions good, some not so good.
But at the end of the day, the final decision is taking by the Teamleader.
In the instance of marriage (sic, Christain marriage), the teamleader is the husband as ordained by God.
There are many marriages in which the woman is the breadwinner and dominant member of the partnership, we are not addressing those marriages here.
But even in those marriages one of the members is dominant while the other is "submissive", to say they are both exactly equal is to believe in a mirage, to deny reality. IT IS JUST NOT POSSIBLE.

A woman ought to be submissive to her husband i.e she can give suggestions and advice and if the man sees it to be good he can take it, there is no harm in that. But the main aim and direction of the marriage is determined by the man. IF a woman does not trust a man well enough to allow him make the right decisions concerning how thier home will be run, then she shouldn't have married him in the first place.

Let's not decieve ourselves, hypergamy is the watchword when a woman wishes to marry, unless of course when she is desperate in which case she marries whoever comes along to satisfy her whims to procreate or answer Mrs to the satisfaction of herself and society. A woman naturally seeks out a man that impresses her both physically and financially and also intellectually as well. No woman here will agree to marry a dunce, unless he is an extremely rich dunce. A woman always marries upwards. It therefore stands to reason that the person she marries has something she doesnt have (the person is a level above her in sommething---sounds ugly but its true) and so she will be more willing to submit to the higher level, nay, it is natural for her to do so, for bringing the man down to her level defeats the whole purpose of her wanted something greater than herself.


The last passage may be difficult for some ladies to hear but it is the plain truth. For those of you married you married your husband because there was something you admired, something you saw that made you feel he would be a great leader in your journey together through life. Whether it be money, leadership skills, intelligence, godly behaviour, managerial skills etc it doesnt matter. SO it is natural for him to be the head, natural for him to lead, and natural for you as the woman to follow(submit to)him.

bukatyne:
@5minsmadness,

You have not said what 'submission' means to you

I was unjustly banned.
For reasons best known to some people.
Brb. I have things to take care of.

Freedom.
Time to make some people pay...
https://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr01/2013/3/5/15/anigif_enhanced-buzz-3686-1362515801-8.gif

gregzone:
I

l for lesbian?