cos its a special time to share with ur now wife/ husband and a time to always remember for the rest of ur life.

non of the above.

thats not a big deal alot of women have it ,slim or fat,some have it more while some have it less

i was thinking the same thing,its obvious he was cheating on his wife with her and lying that they are seperated,
if they were really seperated they wont be living together in the same house,wake up

i would take his story if they were legally seperated or living in different houses,im sure they just had some marital problems and instead of him resolving it with his wife he went cheating and wanting to replace her through u,be very careful with this relationship and dont rush things until u know the truth and his wife will cause problems for u for breaking her home plus the kids will always have it in the back of there head that u broke there home and the cause of the divorce for there parents which is even more complicated.

if u love him why not with love all things are possible but be very very i mean very ready for baby mama drama and stepkids if they are still very young unless they are grown up and moved out then its less complicated.how old are his kids?

As long as the bearen woman have a legal contract consigning this isssue she is the rightful owner of the baby,the woman who caried the baby in her womb should have known from the begining that there will be emotional attachment to the baby before geting involve but i suppose the money was more important to her at first,sorry for her but there is no going back and she have to give up the baby.
i think they should make a law in Nigeria protecting Surogacy  for both the person carrying the baby and the person paying to have a baby ,so non of them can change there mind whenever they want and not just adoption law.

this occurs in all tribes in Nigeria and worldwide,in nigeria the ladies want the man to either
1.) divorce his wife and marry her
2.) Become a second wife
3.) Finacial gain.
its one of the above.

skydiver:

Dear,

I am also an "oyibo" and married a women from PH 3 years ago. I did my traditional wedding in the "village" of her father who died years ago. On that time it was more safe in the Delta than now, someone have understand that well because for the moment the Delta is not safe for "oyibo" even not for Naija women who are married with "whites" Because its not only MEND who come for there rights, but a lot of bad people who have nothing to do with MEND kidnapping whites because of the randsom the ask for it. Even MEND is not happy with it. It is nice to hear you take care for your white husband and because you are in Europe you know he have to work very hard for his women, even here in Europe money don't grow on trees, its not the land of milk and honey as mush people think.
Try to educate your father, brothers and sisters, as for me my Nigerian family is wonderfull, whole my traditional wedding was arrange by my wife mother, she don't even tell the village that I was an "oyibo"! The village (elders) see it when the brougt me out for the ceremony. So I don't pay any kobo more than a Nigerian man will do.
I can tell you it was a great thing and expirence for me and all the participants.
Its 3 years ago that I was last time in PH, sometimes my wife come over here or we take a vacation in Benin Republic or Ghana and enjoy every moment together. Yes I want to go back to PH and hope the situation will be peacefull some day so that I can go out there enjoy the good moments I have in D-Plaza between all the Naija people and not lock me up in the house for my own safety and that of my wife and family.
The only advice I can give you is that you must enjoy every piece of life, enjoy your marriage and time will bring solution.
Try to convince your father and family of the situation right now, when the love you the will understand.

thanks alot for ur advice and I'm glad u know how unsafe  PH is at the moment and why I'm  looking for other ways in getting it done without i and my husband going to nigeria,ur very right about a woman married to an oyibo how on safe it is for her also as they think over there that someone married to oyibo is very rich which is not correct.when i visited nigeria 5 months ago i had to watch my shoulder always and keep a low profile because of this kidnapping .ur very lucky u got urs done 3 years ago,OMG the fact that ur mother in-law didnt inform the village elders that ur oyibo is so cool and interesting i suppose they were surprised when they saw u on ur traditional wedding day thats a great idea,i have learnt from that i will try to convince my parents at the moment and keep things on hold for now until there situation over there gets better or else i might do it here in europe

Biabeke:

Angolobabe, thank you for posting this topic. I am also from Rivers State, but I am legally married to a man from Delta State. My half brothers are also adamant about me having a traditional marriage. Of course, I know that my deadbeat half brothers want my husband's money. My husband and I discussed about it and came to a unanimous decision to send my parents-in law with delegates and the bride price. This might work for you too. Send elderly delegates from your village with kolanuts and other traditional delicacies along with the bride price. If you father cares about you, he will understand the financial ramifications that go along with travelling to Nigeria. I hope this helps.

thanks for your advice ,another Rivers State lady married to a foreigner here told me she did just what you mention by sending her dowry to her parents ,some family members and elders in her village and they did a small party there and she says its the easiest way and less complicated and later on she did a small ceremony here in spain with some of her Nigerian friends plus her husbands friends and his family members,i saw her traditional wedding video it was exciting almost like doing it in Nigeria,she and her husband wore african atires same with nigerians invited,they made nigerian and european food ,even pam wine etc

so yes it can also be done this way in spain but i have time and i havent decided yet.i have to see which will be best for me.

plappville:

Angolobaba I quite understand how u feel and i am happy u know that ur hubby security is very important.

don't mind what some people say here, u are the one involve just becareful and mind the kind of advice u take here.

Who will say he or she is not aware of the ytee kidnapping in the niger delta?? in as long as he is white, they will take him if they are chanced, they wont mind if he works in an oil company or not.

@EVERYBODY: She is right to ve said that Nigeria is not safe, apart from the fact that ur hubby is a white man, even u going to nigeria for a big traditional wedding, my dear u ve to be careful and don't go and do a big party as u ve said here oooo, you can go to nigeria with hubby and do a traditional wedding in a cool way that people around will not even notice, how(1) don't inform all family and friends ur arrival and hotel where u will loge,(2) u can rent a hall in the hoteland celebrate ur thing, make sure it's a secured hotel and tell ur dad while u would want the thing to be done in the hotel where u and hubby loged abi na by force to dom 4 village? what is important is that ur family will witnessed it as that is how they want it.

Thia is how i want to do my own when the time comes, I no fancy that someone representing u and hubby stuff.

thanks alot for ur advice ,my hubbys safety comes first but people here don't see that of course,i never thought about doing it in a safe hotel in nigeria thats a very good idea  lagos or abuja will do just fine,i personally don't fancy the idea of doing it in the village and i never wanted a traditional wedding in the first place all  this stress is just to please my popsy,i do understand him they want to witness the ceremony since they werent here when i got married.

we have cancelled the representing idea after asking some people that have done it here ,it doesnt sound cool after all the details they gave to me on how it works etc

yes i think you should tell ur partner about ur health status or condition,so he knows what he is getting into before marriage.women with only one tube can still get pregnant normally like someone with 2 tubes, even when the both tubes are removed she can still get pregnant via IVF.

im thinking of that or i will just keep them posted until we are sure port-harcourt is safe enough,thanks for the advice

Ndipe:

Why can't you have your trado wedding abroad?

there is absolutely nothing wrong in online dating,its very common nowadays and alot of people meets there life partners online ,here people are so busy with work and hardly have time to socialise so they all go online but one have to be careful and know exactly what you want and go for that and dont rush into any relationship as there are alot of fake people online looking for just sex and pretending on looking for true love and relationship.
and when u have eventually met someone of ur heart desire and want the relationship to develop offline make sure to go for a blood test before having any intimacy to be sure both of u are clear from any disease.

the second wife is not a fool,she knows she has no right in that marriage apart from her kids,the legal wife gets everything ,the only thing she can get is child support if things goes wrong in the marriage which wont be much,so thats why she is insisting the man buys her a house that will be legally her´s and i dont see anything wrong in that as long as he has the money .the first wife has no right to call the second wife iliterate.

why didnt the man and his first just get a surogate woman to get children ,the second wife feels used,maybe she thought with time after having kids the man will divorce his first wife and marry her legally and its obvious he has no intention for that plus why does he want his wives to worship and bow down to there father-inlaw? did he marry a slave? there are abuse worldwide being white or black we should always pray to meet the right person.

temiolumi:

I'll advive u to confess to her. Though u may not reveal the identity of the person u had a fling with, because it might worsen d situation. She will forgive u, and quickly start treatment since she's a nurse.

But u'll have to be very calm with her, because her reaction might be intolerable after ur confession. U just av to make sure she goes for treatment and u also do d same.

Wish u well.

u said it all

im from rivers state,port-harcourt and u know how unsafe the place is now.when u listen to news abroad they always mention NIGERIA without outlining the safe states so people here think nigeria itself is unsafe no matter how u try to convince them they wont believe u so thats why.

janykute:

I wonder what you meant by Nigeria not being safe for your hubby, are there no white people in nigeria or is there anything so so special about him that will make him a target?You guys should stop painting such picture about our dear country.

alot of oyinbo men married to nigerian woman now often gets a chieftancy title if they want but why didnt he divorce the first wife if he wanted to marry someone else and have kids,he caused it for himself.

i see alot of nigerian women marrying traditional with an oyinbo that already has a legal wife and they advice him not to get divorce yet until they have achived what they want before divorcing i have never heard of 2 nigerian women married to one oyinbo man.

he just wanted to live like a chief with a poligamy family and this is what most poligamy families gets.im sure the second wife is very young and his old so its obvious that she went there for money,no money no love.he caused it.

i also had a simple wedding myself and i prefered it that way cos i dont have my families here so it was cool and i never wanted a traditional wedding but since my father is insisting on it,we are very confused and we dont have money to waste so maybe we will just tell him that since Nigeria is not safe right now for my hubby ,we will wait until its safe enough to go home for the traditional wedding maybe that will ease his mind and then eventually it wont be an issue for him anymore and maybe he we realise that traditional wedding isnt that important as long as we are legally married .

benincitys:

give the money to the poor children in the world one wedding is OK ,
help the helpless feed the poor care for the sick you will be blessed forever
i got married in Spain to a germany guy i told him i want a simple marriage,
why waste money on traditional wedding if you are not in Nigerian ?
live like the Romans when in Rome.

dellynash:

hello, you can do ur traditional wedding without actually being present, but what i don't understand is you said is not safe for him to go to your state, does it means your parents must travel over there before seeing your husband? even if u send them pictures, it will mean nothing,they actually have to see the man in person and vise versa.

thanks alot ,some people here thinks its funny but its not to me ,i don't mind them travelling down here but my husband can't go to nigeria at present.

KarmaMod:

why can't you do the traditional wedding in Spain?

i don't know if thats possible but i will ask questions and confirm it,if we can get it don't here why not.

MrCrackles:

if you want to eat a frog, eat the one that has eggs inside it!!!

if you are going to have a traditional wedding then you might as well go to naija!

i never wanted to eat that kind of traditional frog since popsy want it by force because he wants to keep his status ,then i will give them what they want but in different way.

this Guy:


arent they igbo/niger delta people in Spain who can represent your parents?

yes there are but it never crossed my mind.I'm new to this so i have no idea how to go about it but i sure know alot of people do it over here and other countries abroad.

this Guy:
you still have 2 years to go, if cross river is still dangerous why not move it to Enugu,Benin or even Lagos or Abuja!

i don't think my parents will want that and the only place my hubby can go is lagos and abuja and we don't know anyone there.

honestly speaking i never wanted a traditional wedding where they will riff us off our hard earn money but my father is insisting we must have a traditionally wedding .so we are only trying to please him and get done with it ones and for all so we are looking for other ways we can do it without going home.

DavidDylan:

1. must you have a trad wedding?

2. No matter how busy a man is, it is no excuse to refuse to grant your wife the one day of her life she would cherish forever.

sorry u didnt read my post very well,my parents don't care about his race so they are ok that his white and we are now legally married abroad its only the traditional one that isnt done yet.

jacq:

Why go through all this trouble if you are not happy or sure ur family will accept him bicos he is white ?

if u love this "oyibo''man then so be it go ahead and marry him it is your life not that of your famillies.

I live abroad and I'm planing on having a traditional wedding without travelling home to Nigeria because my husband is  extremely very busy with work  and can't travel to Nigeria for a longtime ,he is a foreigner white and is not safe for him going to Rivers State Port-harcout.

so i was thinking if it is possible for us to still do our traditional wedding without both of us being present,i know the igbo, benin and some other tribes do this by having someone to represent them.this has never been done in my state, well,  known that i have heard off and i don't even know if my parents will accept it.

i mean i will still do everything anyone marrying traditionally in Nigeria will do and i want one of the best traditional wedding just we wont be present at the ceremony,we can use webcam to participate in the ceremony ,videos and photos will be taken and send to us just like other people abroad who have done it this way .i mean there will be always a first person to do something different in life and if I'm the first in my state its not too bad as long as my parents and family back home welcome´s it and accept the situation.

i just want to know if it must  be a white man to represent my husband since he is white( this can be arrange if it is neccesary )  or  can we also use a black man ?,I don't KNOW ,on my side one of my sisters can represent me if my parents accept it .

i just need any tips or advice on how to go with this to make it work and how to convince my parents to accept it,its not something we want  to do in a years time but in 2 years time as traditional wedding is very expensive in Nigeria plus since my husband is white they might double the bride price,so we are only preparing for it and how we can go about it,we are legally married now but i still want my traditional wedding so i can be recognised as a married woman in my family according to costume or tradition.your advice will be appreciated.

@ plappville she lives in Norway and we live in spain .yes they have no choice then to try and adjust to the situation of having a coloured daugther in-law.for me i dont care about whatever they think all that matters is hubby wants me and they can't change his mind no matter how they tried.

plappville:

How far babe girl, i wasn't around yestarday when u called back @ YAH.

@ ur poste: na so all this oyibo old women dey behave, they are not happy to see that their son is married to a colored woman, it's crazy

but i thank God that they ve got no chioce than to cope, because God don give us wetin we want so no man go fit put barial.

interesting story

we live far from my mother in-law ,im soooo greatful for that as i have less to worry about ,we get along ok but i know she is alittle racist with the way she acts towards me compare to her other daughter in-laws ,she is kind of two 2 face woman ,friendly in my present but the other way round at my back but she tries to please me to keep peace and she tries to tell me how to run my home and told my hubby to sign a pre-nup with me so i dont get everything like his ex etc

i think they do it in our great grand parents days but not now,things has changed and bride price can be refund now if the parents of the girl found out she is being badly abused .

Yes if i love the person why not ,single parents and divorcee also need love and happiness in life, if i was divorced tomorrow with kids ( God forbid ) i will want to move on with life with a man so verse versa.divorce is also stated in the bible and some single parents didnt choose to be a single parent and they always pray to have a life partner.so there is definately nothing wrong in that in my own opinion.

Yes im considering Liposuction after having kids to keep fit as it removes fat from the body which i couldnt loose with excercise which I ssuppose will make me look better, fitter and happier. so if have the money to pay for the operation, I think i will go for it and i will go to one of the best hospital in europe for it to avoid complications etc.

mmm ur lucky to have a good wife like that, if i was in her shoes i would have kicked ur ass out of the house i think she is hoping u will change so better repent now and don't fall for temptations like that again and show her u appreciate her forgiveness and that u are truelly sorry and will never do it again and keep ur promise.

mine have a habit of throwing his cloths ,shoes,plates,cups etc on places they shouldnt be,his very disorganised .

rumours does exist yes and i have not witnessed the potency of juju and i will never get myself involve with that but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

bawomolo:

typical naija rumor mongering. my sister told me, my uncle told me this. have you witnessed (with your koro koro eyes) the magically potency of juju??