₦airaland Forum

kinkie:
I just want to pour my heart.. I don't know what to do anymore

I am 26 and my fiance is 30.. I am the first child of three children, and I am from a religious Christian home. my younger ones are in uni..so I am the only one with my parents at the moment.. till they are on vacation.

we have been dating for three years and we also did our introduction few months ago.. the wedding date has been picked for this year (very soon).

like once a month, I wash his cloth.. I also cook for him once a week, sometimes it may be lesser than that or more than that..depends on when the spirit leads.. His house is not so far from my parents, (though not of treatable distance) and coincidentally our offices are not far from each other.

One thing we have always quarrelled about is me sleeping over.. No, as a matter of fact, he wants us to live "couples life" when we are not yet married.. it doesn't stop there, he wants me to cook every damned time, like when one soup finishes, I should be there to make another and I should visit him every time.

(yeah we have sex occasionally), but he wants me to leave my parents house and stay for like a week, go home. come back again and do the same thing.

As deep Christians, my parents would not hear of it that I slept over at his place.. so I only attempted to sleep over very few times and I go back home in the morning..I had to even lie to my parent that I was somewhere else (which was difficult for me..i dont have a close friend around that I can use to lie) . Personally I am not comfortable with sleep overs (because we are not married yet) but because of love and his constant complains I had to cave in. this was the same thing with sex, before I finally agreed he complained and complained..

The problem is he is now threatening me with a break up if I don't change (that is sleep over more often and in longer days instead of one night, wash more often, cook more often, and visit more often).. we actually had a lil quarrel and it led to the whole sleep over matter again ..

I am really fed up because we are always quarrelling about this..

I feel I am doing my best enough, and is selfish of him.. We see almost everyday or at least thrice a week. Once I close from work, we go home together and I stop at his place most times before going home.. Still it's not enough..

I have a mum who has been ill (on and off) for some months now. so once I close from work, I am still the one to cook for the family and do all necessary chores.. during the weekend, I oversee her shop when if I can, sometimes I visit him if I am not going to work in the weekend (cos i work weekend sometimes) ..

but yet he feels I am not doing enough... I am so fed up

Giving ur partner d impression that u cannot compromise is really a red flag, when its d case that u guys are set to marry soon as u stated. Every individuals paradigm for judgment varies and it would be best to know that of ur partner. Be diplomatic when putting across ur point and do not make it look as though ur decision is from a religious perspective which it is cos he might find it offensive that u r perhaps trying to insinuate what u might never have thought of. U are gonna be his wife for life and whatever he's asking u to do would surely become ur duty as his wife, intensifying ur efforts in assuring him for the time being would go a long way to ease of the pressure and letting ur parents know that u are going to spend some days in ur husband to be place wouldn't kill, remember ur parents are already living their married life, urs doesn't necessarily have to be same as theirs.

Northern gals when like fvck pass anything so, na u dey vouch for , You never see anything. I fit bet u say DAT guy don dey flog her back for the same 5 years. Money wen u don supposed take build house for ur mama na DAT babe take dey p.i.m.p her aboki up

Billyonaire:
God has never condemned prostitutes. Jesus Christ, wrote on the floor "He, who hasnt sinned, let him cast the first stone" I am not religious, but I am spiritual. Dont judge me based on your scrolls.

I don't have any scroll or scrolls as the case may be, it is Gods word. Those same scrolls u are so quick to dispatch, u were also so quick to quote how ironical. But in case of next time, quote it properly not just the part that suits u. He was speaking to an adulteress not a prostitute, cos the law of moses stipulates death by stoning for such sins and most importantly, by saying Jesus did not condemn it, u are also saying he endorsed it which isn't possible. He ended his conversation with her by saying go and sin no more which was a condemnation of the sin. God loves the sinner but hates the sin. If I may ask, where does ur spirituality emanate from?

Billyonaire:
Prostitution has no business being illegal. The reason is simple. No one has the right to decide how another should use his/her sex organs. As long as both persons or more accept the terms of the trade. So many girls are today, surviving and even helping their families sincerely, on account of their pussy, and guess what ? All the monies come from the same set of men who shout "ban them".

This recession, we need to be creative. Legalize prostitution and cannabis, then regulate and tax them. Set price tags for sex and let everyone know. In London, one hour with a chinese escort costs 100 pounds and the government turns a blind eye. That is what keeps tourists and spenders in the country so economy can stay robust. After all, ashawo sef will spend the money on make up, hair dressing, perfumes, taxi etc.

It booms economies. Take morality out of the way and beat recession. Dont die poor on account of morality. God is merciful.

1. Your body is the temple of the lord
2. The love of money is the root of evil
3. The wise and foolish die, and leave their wealth to others
May God forgive you for using his name in vain. Amen

Whisperedd:
From my inbox...
Good day TNT, remain blessed for this forum, and God make you bigger. I pray you see reasons with me, and post this story.
I'm 25 and all my life, I've had 2 male best friends Ola and Tunde. We've grown in strength, love and wisdom, though Ola is 28 and Tunde is 27, we all grew up in the same neighborhood and same school till we graduated from the university. Somewhere along the line, I developed feelings for Tunde, but he never reciprocated this, and I turned to a stalker and made sure no girl was around him. On several occasions tho, Ola acted funny around me, but I didn't pay attention to him, I guess its because he wasn't as tall, handsome and rich as Tunde.
Speak of karma or sheer bad luck, 2 years after graduation, Ola is now the CEO of a great company and is every woman's dream. Tunde on the other hand traveled to Cyprus, got married to a white and is currently into lots of illegal deals. I heard from a reliable source in December that Ola is in a serious relationship that might lead to marriage by March 2017. I've been devastated since then, he hardly speaks to me or even reply my texts.
He has finally agreed to meet me on my birthday, which is this weekend. I will be ovulating by then, I'm thinking of seducing him and getting pregnant for him. I know Ola, he loves me and he is very compassionate, he will leave his fiancée and marry me. FAM, do you all think its a good idea? Because I don't want to loose out on both ends. No insults please, I'm just desperately in need of advice. @truth_and_tears

The rich also cry. The man u intend trapping with pregnancy isn't a choice u would have considered if he were to be poor. He never appealed to u when he wasn't affluent so why now when he's serious with someone else. Just let him be, desperation shouldn't be the reason for making such a rash decision, and who told u he still loves u?
There are no losses in life, just lessons. You either come to realization or u become the lesson.

Deseo:
One man's food is another man's......

Nna bia! Poison is poison no matter how sweet it might taste, it is still poison.

samstradam:
It's not by force you must give advice if you are confused and it is not a crime to not give advice.

Even your advice contradicts itself. Imagine saying a girl that was raped will not put herself in harm's way and will behave responsible yet you quote "statistics" that claim 90% of rape victims are promiscuous?

Anyway, in my own experience, those stats you pulled out echoes the truth about how some rape victims try and deal with their trauma and regain the "power" they feel they have lost.

OP, I say to you again, I do not believe she is lying to you but if you cannot live with the dangerous game she is playing, just leave her and move on.

Sleeping with random guys doesn't amount to being raped by random guys or d number of random guys....... Not in defense of the other fellow though, just saying

In this recession! He can keep her for one month. 700k kukuma b some people 3 years salary.

Size finish!

It was Plato who said “Evil men continue to prevail because good men choose to do nothing ". Most persons blabbing rubbish about ize-iyamu are the same ppl who are in support of the February 5th protest but are so quick to dismiss the efforts put in by others in fighting for what they feel is right. Stark hypocrisy which stinks to the highest heavens. Nigerians really deserve the Kind of leaders we have....... SMH

prestigiouslady:
My parent told me to come back home but I insisted he will have to send me out himself that I wouldn't give up on my marriage so easily..
But at the end, he had to invite the police to tell me to leave, when asked what I did, he said nothing, he just needed a "break"
Did you wife kept extra marital affairs, he said no
Then the DPO told me to go to my people, to avoid stories that touch the heart.

And ever since I got back, my parents were still supporting him that he'll come around, until they realised that might not be anytime soon.

I've tried all I can to make things work but he keeps frustrating my efforts.

He wasn't forced to come ask for ur hands in marriage. How dare he call d police to evict his wife? No matter what might have transpired, there are ways things should be done. Go to the church and make known ur ordeal to ur parish priest so that if it comes to divorce, u might actually be allowed to continue practising ur faith. Since he had d impetus to go impregnate another woman, do not make it easy for him when it comes to divorce. If possible make urself “A wife from hell" to him.

prestigiouslady:
I'm a Catholic and I have my reservations about divorce except of course when abuse set in

I know these r trying times,
dont know why u let this linger for two years.
I was hurt.. I literally built my world around him so I felt let down and I just wanted to be alone that's why it took this long..

I'm not doing this cos I'm lonely..no..not at all.
hmmm...

are you saying I should give it a trial? to go see things for myself?? even when his body language says he doesn't want me around

I feel he's trying to tie me down cos he's indecisive at the moment.

I'll surely think about this..

I took an oath in the presence of God and that of man to be faithful to my spouse so I take my vows serious, hence why I've been able to cope without the "sweet apple".

I'll think it over.
Thank you.


Thank you

How serious are u with church activities? Does your parish priest know you? Is he aware?. Hope u know d church cannot divorce u or acknowledge any form of civil divorce? Hope u know u wouldn't be given communion if u choose to go ahead with civil divorce? And u can not remarry except ur partner is dead?. Abuse in marriages isn't rocket science when it comes to our setting. I will blame u for packing ur load based on ur parents advice who certainly are still together to come back and sit at home with them. St. Peter in his second letter said “Do not give d devil any opportunity, stand up to him strong in faith" but u chose to run away at the most trying moment. I bet ur parents aren't aware u cry urself to sleep cos they are enjoying their own marriage. The book of wisdom tells us that a wise woman builds her home with her hands and d foolish destroys it also with the same hands, many marriages crumble cos most women do not see d wisdom in these words which I guess u read by urself on d altar on ur wedding day. Any marriage that has survived d test of time its always cos of the woman. All being said, learn from ur mistakes and make things work, divorce is never an option.

That's our parish priest and an army officer in the barracks at Maiduguri. For posterity sake, he isn't on the altar but in the sacristy(d inner room where he and those actively participating at mass dress). Its not news that 99% of the soldiers come to church in their uniforms cos anything can happen anytime.

deezydez:
MMM is changing lives of those who are bold enough to take risk, keep rotating in your broke condition while we get paid

And what informed ur decision to call me broke? Do u know me? Or is it my fault DAT ur money got trapped due to ur greed? Ewu! Stupid OSU!

rectitude:
I am convinced that the moderators of this Forum has a personal hatred for mmmm. They've never posted anything good about them. This is againts the ethics of journalism .

Is the anything good about MMM to talk about?

rhemahil:
See mirabel Ooooo. Guys don finish?

O boy, u know d babe? C d way u call d name as if say d thing shock u

Muchloadedcom:
Hello Everyone,

I had Unprotected Sex with my Girlfriend Two weeks Ago Though i gave her Andrew liver salt + some pills immediately...

This night she called me she's pregnant(1 week 4days plus) that she cant Abort it.. i was so scared and So Afraid i nearly Fainted

.. she told me not to worry because she will give the pregnancy to another man!!!! I was like why she said She knows i cant Carter for the baby am still a student .. that the rich man Can marry her and sponser the baby...

I need your help everyone.. this is my first Unborn baby she wants to falsefully give a rich guy Unknowlingy... but am still young am just 21yrs 300level student and she is 19yrs 100level student.. she is very beautiful that Any man will do anything for her beauty....

What should i do now?? i told her i will call her 2moro for the final decission..

I need your suggestion for me not to Take a decision that would ruin my life!!! I dont want my child to grow up and Hate me

Save A brother Urgent Advice needed!!!!!!

My brother, instead of lamenting, u should be thinking of taking one cow to church this Sunday for thanksgiving for the Lord has just opened free Nairabet shop for u.

vic224real:
I met this guy some time last 2 years, we fell in love with each other and we started dating.

We were both jobless before we met but that does not reduce our respect for each other. We were both happy with each other and cherish and appreciate every moment together.

A month after my birthday last year, he proposed to me and engaged me with a ring. After that we started planning for our marriage which is suppose to take place in March this year.

But all the feelings lost its taste when he got a job. All of a sudden he passworded his phone and out of curiosity and personal findings, I discovered he is having an affair with his Colleague. The pictures of the lady and their chat on his phone was the reason he passworded his phone.

I confronted him and it resulted into quarrel.

My heart breaking now is, he has moved to live with his Colleague which he is having an affair with and call off the relationship between us.

All our wedding plans has gone down the drain.

What advice do u think u guys can give me.

I see no reason why a man should consider his to be spouse as being overbearing just because she's concerned about his conduct with d opposite sex. He simply has no respect for you, it might not be easy to let go but as Maya Angelou puts it, love is many things, its VARIED. But one thing its not and can never be is UNSURE.

And u are very happy to announce that u are a rebound boyfriend..... If u eventually agree to marry her, don't forget to add the part that u were just an option and nothing more on ur wedding invite

Ifakiland:
07087936676

Someone earlier said u are a kid, I thought that was d worst never knew u also don't have a brain.....

Ginaz:
Is it pants I'm seeing hanging there?

Yes they are. Are urz missing?

dazlingpamela:
So many I can't count.......

Ugly as a term is relative, so also is beauty. To me and some peeps here u ain't beautiful, but u would argue otherwise and so would some peeps here. Saying someone is ugly thus doesn't necessarily mean they ain't beautiful.

lanicky:
Many people are so carried away by hustling and bustling of marriage... They are so in love with the idea of happily ever after..that they forget that if proper care is not taken, their marriage might not end up being the bed of rose they've been dreaming of.

You see them upload pre wedding pictures taken in Atlanta, Dubai or beautiful places in Nigeria.

Don't get me wrong o.. I'm not saying you shouldn't get married or take unique pre-wedding pics.. But there are some things you should consider before going to the marriage alter.

Make them marriage experts epp me add more points. Thanks.


1) Do not allow your religious belief or what your pastor preach or say often about marriage dictate the kind of person you should tie the knot with

Remember, this marriage journey would last till death do you part, unless you would opt for divorce at the long run.

Many people let what their pastor or religious belief affect their life so much that they end up marrying the wrong person.. Sometimes, you just have to let love lead.. Or pray and ask GOD yourself.. Pastors are human beings too.. Nd sometimes, they let the flesh rule them thereby, misleading many people.

If you end up marrying the wrong lady or man.. Your pastor won't face the marriage ordeal for you.. You would bear the cross alone.
So be careful.. Before you take the wrong step


2) Do a blood test

Do not get blinded by love.. Before wedding, make sure you and your spouse go for blood test to confirm your genotype, and health status. Do widal tests.
Do not treat this with negligence, because it could cost you a lot.

Some people have sickle cell trait, some are oblivion to this fact.. While some chose to overlook it because of love or faith in religion.
Like I said earlier, ignorance is not an excuse. Do what is right for your unborn children

I would say the risk of giving birth to a sickle cell child is not worth taking.
It might cost you lots of money, your time, and your job, because you'd live in constant fear whenever the child have crisis, which may lead to death eventually if proper care is not taken.

3) Take your time to know your partner better

Do not rush into marriage, because it's trending.
Do not sacrifice your freedom and happiness on the marriage alter...
Take your time to know your partner better.. Remember you're going to have to live with him or her for the rest of your life.

Find out if he/she is quick to anger.. Can you help him/her overcome this problem?

*Does he take corrections or treat your suggestions or opinion like nothing?

*Are you ready to be submissive to a highly dominant partner?

*Is she the lousy type.. Or the one without proper home training.. Who would disrespect your parent at the slightest provocation?

*Is she a Mr Biggs or Mama put or Tantalizer kinda lady or a good cook? I know you won't want to take over the kitchen every day of the week why she polish her nails..

I love a guy who can cook too.. But a lady must know how to cook.. Your husband can't do the cooking everytime.

*Is she in love with who you are or what you have?

*Is he/she in love with your curves and edges, six packs, or beards alone.. What if your body changes at the long run?

My sister/brother better think twice before you answer "yes, I do"
The choice is yours?

4) Do not get carried away by material things or sweet talks

What happens when a marriage is built on a foundation of deceit?
Who bears the burden at the long run?
How would you feel if you found out that your husband or wife had lied about his/her educational background, financial status and every other thing?

Take your time to find out about every little secrets bikonu... Before marriage.. So as to avoid stories that touch.

5)Plan your future together

Before your wedding, plan your future together. During and after wedding ceremony, spend wisely. Don't imitate others..
If you want a wedding in Dubai, honey moon in Paris, but your bank is directing you to Lagos or your village.. Better do the wedding like that... Before DEBT DO YOU PART

You can always have an elaborate wedding anniversary later in future.


Good afternoon

Your use of proposition is poor, u were constantly misusing them. You need to improve on ur writing skill and ensure to check and double check for grammatical errors. U did fairly well but most importantly don't pay attention to those saying u r in no position to speak on marital issues cos u ain't married, it would be tantamount to saying u have no right to a sense of judgment and thus have no view of life which every human person has.

What is Delta state doing on that list?. May God punish Ibori and Uduaghan and all who would benefit from their theft. Warri is a mess, no good road at all.

Aywire:
I will make this short and brief. Am dating this very beutiful lady but we decided to keep it to our selves until we are sure of what we really have is genuine and also because we are family friends, and we know our family members might not approve of it. So few weeks back, i needed money for something urgent about 10k, and she offered to lend me part of it, about 4k actually, i didnt wnt to collect it actually because i avoid collecting money from people especially ladies, but i did because i saw how much she intended to assist me. I told a friend about her gesture and how happy i was to have a lady willing to assist me in any little way she can when the matter arises. Now lets Fast forward to today, she deleted alll her messages from my phone, when i pressured her on why she did that, she eventually opened up and told me that a female friend of hers told her that another female friend (mind you i dont any of the two ladies) told her that i have been going around telling people that she is forcing herself on me and i am only using her as a maga for when i need money, that she even gave me 4k last time and that i will soon travel and abadon her. Meehhnnnn, you cant imagine my shock, i know she believed it because of 2 facts mentioned, the one of the actual amount she gave me and the fact that i am actually preparing to travel. I have denied it and apologised about the situation, but i feel that is not enough, because i dont how far this rumour has spread already. I love this girl, and i will never say anything like that about her. The painful part is that is it 4k that will make me tag her as a maga? I mean i make enough money in my job, and i have spent more than that on us. Right now, i am confused on how to address this issue. What should i do please?

LOVE IS MANY THINGS. ITS VARIED. BUT ONE THING ITS NOT IS UNSURE- MAYA ANGELOU
If she was ever sure of ur love, she wouldn't doubt u or even listen to whatever rumor going round about what u purportedly said.

Most of the ladies here are trying to put up a defense in favor of wearing trousers, with a majority stating comfort as the basis for doing so. Saint paul in one of his epistles said “ For even christ pleased not himself" Rom 15:3 or Do u think Jesus was comfortable carrying d cross?

Catalin:
I support the woman. Your brother should send 45k each to them. Her family is also his responsibility so far they are married.

That thing u call a brain, are u sure it ain't frozen?

Berlynn:
why generalizing... if you think your girl lied to you about being rape or something den tats your special glass of tea!!! not all girls ... go get ur fact right op

Seems you have comprehension issues. He simply asked a question as to the possibility of ladies making up stories about losing their virginity through rape and not in anyway saying its a norm.