iamtardey:
Leave my step mom alone abeg, I understand she just wants father to herself and her kids alone...it's just human nature though.


Trust me it's even worse when the oda kid don't have the oda parent to stand for him/her... Dammit...you're like an orphan.

You're right. Most act base on fear and insecurity. Human nature as you rightly put it. I would actually say it is the fault of the man who should be able to moderate things and ensure equity in the home.

iamtardey:
Leave my step mom alone abeg, I understand she just wants father to herself and her kids alone...it's just human nature though.


Trust me it's even worse when the oda kid don't have the oda parent to stand for him/her... Dammit...you're like an orphan.

You're right. Most act base on fear and insecurity. Human nature as you rightly put it.

CsRockefeller:
I agree with you, especially as it relates to respect from the lady. I feel I'm ok with a 5 years gap but like you opined earlier, ability to provide changes lots of things.

One thing I know I wouldn't compromise on is: Education and Employability/Income earnings, beauty can go to hell, I'm not a big fan of overly beautiful ladies.

5 years age gap is good but nothing is more sex appealing to a lady than a man who provides. I need to qualify this proper before I am being misconstrued.

Providing does not mean wealthy. Of course women love wealthy men but from widely available data, wealthy men are already advanced in age and married. I'm talking about young men who are productive and ambitious.

If a man wants respect from his wife as well as her family, he must be productive and overtly ambitious.

smeag0l:
So the difference is that, in Nigeria, you must be able to provide 100%.

Is that what you were able to comprehend from my post?

BinamRex:


Bro,are you Dangote? If you aren't, then all this bragging isn't necessary.

You post didn't make sense and I pointed it out, and you got angry. My criticism was constructive, ok. Now rest.

I love and encourage constructive criticism. It gives room for others to either learn from opposing views or contribute to the discussion. Yours was none of this.

Palmerghana:
They think love is all that's needed to have a lasting marriage.

You are correct. Love is not sufficient to sustain a marriage. A marriage based mainly on love leads to divorce.

smeag0l:
Maybe the women you met there are Africans. The default abroad is everyone contributing to bills whether you're the husband or wife except if the person is married to an African lady who will sit down and want the husband to provide all her needs and still help her babysit whenever he is off work. You're right to say that if you're not meeting up with bills , a foreign lady will kick you out but you'll need to qualify it- If you're not meeting up with your part of the bills.

Smile. Very typical.

For you to qualify to be a matching mate to a western woman, you must be able to provide. I hope you read that part on my previous comment to this remark.

Your financial plan with your wife/partner is now dependent on the agreement you have with her. For some 50:50, others 60:40, 70:30 etc. I'm glad you agree that if a man is unable to meet up with the financial obligations, the western woman will kick him out.

Now back to Africa, or more in particular Nigeria. How is this any different? In many Nigerian homes, the man and the wife contribute financially to the upkeep of the home. The sharing formula is also dependent on the agreement between the husband and wife. However, in situations where the man can no longer provide, only on rare occasions, do the man lose the privilege of being in the house.

This illustration does not deviate from the biological nature of women to be cater for. However, this illustration fits the middle/low income earners in both the west and in Africa, Nigeria in particular.

For the rich and upper class, the man pays for everything even in Nigeria. When you say the default in the west is shared financial obligation, you are wrong.

karkinase:

Please, direct me a link to the thread

It is currently on the romance thread at the moment.

MrSamsung:


1st Bolded: who and who makes age the metric for measuring maturity especially when we are talking about people who have likely crossed set age of 18? Or is it your own skewed reasoning? Permit me to ask, even your father or elderly ones in your life have you heard them make such stupid statement?

2nd Bolded: Can you tell me the teacher, university, any school of thought, books or scientific journals that taught you that biological lesson? Or you are making an immature excuse or an excuse informed by ego? Or you just want to talk

And your last sentence, I should even be the one to ask you how old you are even though I realized that you are yet a kid to know that being a community dog is not an age thing because chewing gum boys, young, old, poor and rich men can be one.

This will be my last response to you.

I can tell from your previous comments that you are not well read. I would love to suggest a few research papers and books on the evolution of man, but I doubt you would read it and even if you do your opinion would still be skewed. Hence no need. Better still do the research yourself.

As per Age being a verifiable metric for Maturity measurement, I am surprised you still don't get it. On this, you can believe whatever you want to.

Finally, you are less of a man in comparison to those l listed. To disparage them in order to justify your opinion depicts how unreasonable you are when it comes to putting forth a counter argument. I questioned your age because your opinions are devoid of practical sound judgement.

You Sir I don't know how old you are but certainly you know little about life. I can tell from reading your exchanges with me. Continue on your path. Shalom!

Neptunium:
6 years? The mouth you use ask her for relationship, propose marriage, suck her pussy all the way down to giving her belle, na the same mouth make una use sit her down say you no wan marry her again. Oga, be responsible.

Gross irresponsibility and selfishness on his part. Where is he going to find a unicorn? This Earth, I doubt it. Why are some men this heartless and why would women open their legs and stay in a lengthy relationship without legalizing it.

lawrenzooo:

Yeah I guess I should have acted Better. I initially wanted to hang on for my son sake but things are not getting any better between us.

Chief please take your woman and go for counseling. She has given you the highest honor any woman can give to man, a son. Don't be callous. Be a man and do the proper thing.

I can tell you from experience no woman is perfect. Go and do the proper thing and keep your family intact.

MrSamsung:

So let me get you, are you saying that age is directly proportional to maturity. Wow.

Okay let me test you with one common and most important factor. If a man named A cheats on his wife and he is older or far older than a man called B who refuses to cheats on his wife or fiancee or girlfriend(assuming the wives or women here equally don't cheats). To you, who among these two men is matured?

As for your last sentence, check your dictionary definitions of agility and you will find the one I am using. As for overbility it is a contructs that should be understood with paragraph context though I should have put quote and unquote.

I dislike it when people do not take the time to read for comprehension. I said AGE is the only verifiable and agreeable means to test for Maturity. Do you have any verifiable measuring scale for this?

What does cheating mean to you? I will presume you are a man based on your moniker, because your comment has feminine tendencies all over.

May I remind you, because it seems you have forgotten. It is the biological nature of men to be with more than one woman just as it is the biological nature of women to be protected and cared for. Don't allow liberal views and feminists movement devoid you of your biological nature. If you want to argue with me based on your little experience of life and time on earth, please take a good look at all the male mammals and your answer is there. Male species of mammals don't stick to one female specie.

If you also want to bring in religion as most of you do - there are plenty of evidences in all the widely practiced religions of the world today.

Hence, how do you judge maturity based on this flawed reasoning of yours. Are you more matured, wise, financial buoyant than the Ooni of Ife, Sultan of Sokoto, Emir of Kano, Olusegun Obasanjo, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates etc. These are powerful men and leaders who have enormous influence.

Excuse my bluntness, how old are you? I asked because I'm taken aback at your reasoning and opinions.

[quote author=BinamRex post=103358080][/quote]

Imagine your ridiculousness. It gives you intense pleasurable joy to appear stupid.

The least you can do is go through my previous threads, comments and post. It probably would give you a little indication of me.

These are the individuals who privately send your messages begging you for financial support or guidance.

You are the reason why I stopped visiting Nairaland because it is now filled with disrespectful kids, low-lives, disgruntled elements, and angry individuals who would blame everyone and everything, but themselves for the outcome of their lives.

Go get a life! You need it.

The5DME:
I swear I'm tired. The poverty is too much. I can't take it anymore.

Do something about it

Elevation:
From the way you speak you need the touch of God. You are dwelling more on the physical things any home that is broken today never really allowed God my brother, if anyone needs a wife He should go to God He alone can get a good wife for Him, he will find but God will guide.

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.


Boss 13 I do not know where you are or what you're doing, but I stand with the truth, don't do things mechanically consult God you will thank me later my friend as regards you telling me to be quiet if I do not know what to tell the young man, if you submit your utterances to the Holy Spirit you will not reply a brother that way. God bless you.

There is nothing wrong with seeking the guidance of the DIVINE. However, we seem or pretend to do this all the time. The DIVINE has given us the ability to reason, to think, to act and to discern. We must exercise these abilities.

You are more concerned about my response and also attribute it to the Holy Spirit. I believe I never insulted you. I have no cause to do so and don't engage in such gutter behavior. I was only irritated by your post and still irritated by it because what is the essence of we being human if we cannot exercise the gift of discernment given to us by the CREATOR.

Trust me, you don't want to go on a spiritual argument trip with me. I can confidently assure you the spirit of the DIVINE flows in me.

smeag0l:
Again, this only happens in west Africa and some other black African nations. I'll tell you what the problem is. West Africans believe in gender roles right from the beginning of their existence up till now. This means that the man is meant to provide for the family while the woman is meant to take care of the domestic needs of the family. There wasn't any issue with this until recently when young west African ladies started travelling out to places like the US and UK and imbibing their liberalisation culture. While I have no problem with this, my major concern is that the African ladies are not taking or imbibing this culture in full. They only take the parts that sooth them and also propagate it to their friends of same gender. I'll give an example. The Liberal White couple believes that the husband and wife should contribute equally to financial demands of the family. They also apply this same rule to everything including domestic chores. However, the african/Nigerian lady(they do this a lot) only takes up the part of her splitting domestic chores with her husband but will not want to split bills. More like wanting to eat your cake and have it. This is the number one reason why a lot of Nigerian ladies abroad don't have husbands or boyfriends. They took their narcissist mentality of a man being the one to ask them out, always being the one to call them, always being the one to pay the bills etc and have mixed it up with wanting to also split the chores with same man. Is that not unfair?

Please read my post below yours

smeag0l:
Please qualify your statement on being in the biological nature of women to be cared for. This only applies to mostly African women

Lies. I lived in the Western World. It is the biological nature of women to be cared for and protected.

In the west, women who marry below their class are the least desirable women. This is also applicable in Africa.

A woman is less desirable when she is old, fat, ugly, or can no longer give birth to children. In the modern age, a less desirable woman includes single mothers too. Women who have children out of wedlock or divorced women with kids.

I read a lot of stories where Nigerian men always compare western women and praise western women for not being too materialistic. I can confirm to you that when you marry these western women and cannot provide for them, they will kick you out. Only a small minority of these women will continue to allow your lazy bum around the house and these are women who have acquired masculine traits.

Please note, the biological nature women all over the world are the same.

MrSamsung:
Nigerians eh.
So marriage is about age.
Not maturity(which doesn't come with age)
Not good character and personality (which doesn't come with age). Not wizdom, agility and flexibility, financial capability not financial overbility.

So you will see a suitable male or female to marry but you let age override.

Do you guys even know the meaning of AGE in the context of marriage especially those on the fp

Let's put your reasoning to practical test. How do you test for maturity?

Do you agree with me that a baby and an 18 years old individual are not on the same maturity scale. What is the test of the scale - AGE.

What is your objective test of good character and personality? How do we validly test for this? Obviously we cannot reliably test for these values. However, we can all agree that the number of years an individual spend on earth can directly relates to his/her maturity and experience. There maybe outliers, but this is valid is most cases. I don't deal with outliers and reasonable people don't.

I think you have use words out of context such as agility and financial overbility, which is not a proper English word. Consequently, I cannot decipher what you mean.

Elevation:
In life it is important to base your points on the dictates of God and not just on the philosophies of men. Don't be too religious as not to listen to life vital information as well. If a woman or a man doesn't follow God genuinely, there will be serious challenges because there's no solid foundation on which to make key decisions. Even when you marry the God given marital choice, you'll still face challenges but it will be like

Isaiah 43:2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.


Then the tests become testimonies, challenges become steps to greater heights while trials become triumphs. God over everything.

We live in a practical world and hence must act practically. Our religiosity has only made us lazy to think and act. Do you know the statistics of divorce within Christian homes? Probably you will tell me their homes were devoid of the presence of God - lies.

God cannot pick your clothing, food, and basic practical things and this includes your spouse. Else, we can all sit down and allow the Divine Providence to feed us, bathe us, cloth us, and even drives us to work daily. Can we for once stop these nonsense and start acting like Humans living on Earth.

The young man wants to know how to pick his wife. Can you be practical enough to guide him or be quiet if you don't know how.

lawrenzooo:
I have been in a relationship with a lady for the last 6 years and last year and the relationship produce a son last year.
As it stands now I don't intend proceeding with marriage as we have had so many issues along the line.
The problem
I intend sitting down with her to have the conversation and discuss the baby's upkeep.
However some people think I should just keep my distance and she would get the message rather than discussing it with her but then again a child is involved that I have to cater for.

You advice would be welcome
Am a bit confused as to how to go about the whole thing.

You were with her for 6 years, got her pregnant and want to abandon her for who?

Put yourself in her shoes. Don't you consider your action callous. You have devalued her and want to move on. Boy, you are wicked.

Casham:
thanks sir. I will put your words to heart. I am planning to walk the aisle, at most, four years from now and I have not started girl-hunting yet. Thanks.

Since you don't have a prospective women at the moment. Go and read my thread on how to pick a wife. It is on the romance page at the moment.

Next, focus on increasing your earning power to ensure you are a good provider. This will increase the number of women available for you to select.

Finally, approach this exercise with a discerning mind and be critically logical. Love can come later.

BinamRex:


You are trying to sound smart, but you are a full individual.

I will not stoop low to your class. Your problem is staring at you in the mirror. If your situation fits the narrative, that isn't my problem. I had nothing to do with it.

The objective of the thread is to help reasonable men pick their wives and to assist them avoid pitfalls.

Elevation:
Marry the will of God, you can't marry with your naked eye alone you need God to choose for you unless you're ready to divorce your spouse in future. I am a living testimony my wife is way older than I am, but I chose God's will and I am enjoying it, everybody is unique you mustn't marry an older lady (as a man) but in any case marry in God because when fire comes to test the foundation of the marriage, it will stand the test. God bless you.

You have married wrong and I am willingly to dedicate 30 mins of my time to debate you on this.

Casham:
well since you are talking out of experience(yours or others' you witnessed), I will respect that. But I will take it as just a general guideline rather than a strict rule. I believe no single moral guideline applies at all times to all people. I respect your opinion and advice sir. I will take note of it.

Sure, there is no hard and fast rule on certain things in life. However, based on my experience and others. I will strongly urge young men to consider marrying younger women. Trust me on this. Women are generally stubborn, regardless of age. Also, with this liberal nonsense going on especially on social media, younger men are going to find it difficult having women follow their lead.

The last thing a man needs is a woman who does not respect him. I have a friend currently experiencing this and he has been thoroughly emasculated by his wife and strip of his dignity. You do not want such situation for yourself.

Go and make money and stop this nonsense. Your focus should not be women but your purpose. Women will rush you when you are on your purpose.

Yes. I live in the western world and they feel the pressure of getting married too. Either through the society, biological need, or parental pressure.

AfroKnight:
To be safe let the wife be younger. Gap shouldn’t be too much. You guys should be able to enjoy similar childhood cultural memories.

This is not necessary for a healthy marriage. An older man can actually enjoy memories with his younger wife. This is dependent on the disposition of the man and not the woman.

I would have loved to give you a personal experience but do not want to disclose sensitive information. However, I can confidently tell you the age gap to enjoy the company of each other doesn't matter.

RESPECT.

This is what men want. Noticed she didn't mention it. Respect your man and his decisions. Avoid confrontation and arguments.

Jeon:


For me
5 years space is enough.

Still not enough but can be mitigate by providing sufficiently for the family and her extended family.

Casham:
For me, I don't care what the accepted norm is or is not. I just want to live with a person who will be my friend and confidant. I will prefer someone with a two year gap(older or younger). But This is not strictly exclusive. It is each person's prerogative to decide for themselves. I can marry a woman 50 years older or younger if it comes to it.

Then you are in for a joke. A woman who is 2 years younger than you is not actually your age mate. She is far above you and more matured than you.

You need to think about marriage critically. It is a huge life changing decision. As a man, this is not something to toy around with. You must be pragmatic and logical when it comes to choosing your spouse.

I have a thread on this and this was complied based on my personal experience as a married man, the experiences of my married friends and the naivety of young men today.

Ten (10) years. However, this is still dependent on your ability to provide. If you are poor, your young wife will insult you and due to the wide age gap, you will feel the pain more.

10 years is preferable because as men we prefer respect to love and this age gap provides the buffer to mitigate against disrespect from not just your wife but also from her family.

To conclude, the age gap is important. However, your ability to provide is more important because it is in the biological nature of women to be cared for. Hence a woman would respect a younger man who take care of her than a poor older man.

patwilly:

Op say more about the in law background check. Should it be just ascertaining their financial background alone or are there other things to find out?

Though financial due diligence on prospective in-laws is crucial, but other factors should be reviewed. For example, what is the power dynamics between your fiance's father and mother. Who makes the key decisions in the home. If other siblings are married, how do they treat their spouses and how often do external influences creep into their homes. During social gatherings or celebrations, who wedges more control and influences?

How do you elicit these information - through interviewing your fiance about how parents and also through observations when you visit the family. You must do these things, analyze them before you make your decision else you will regret your marriage.