₦airaland Forum

Magnoliaa:
That's... for those who do it because it's trendy, what others are doing. To join the bandwagon. There is a true liberation. But at the same time, I agree with you, as there are so many things out there that gives an illusion of freedom.




Lol. Maybe hoping hers will be different. Or the guy will be different for her. Or things will just fall in place without any effort.
She just assume the guy is in for the same thing. Where she got the idea from baffles me. I can't understand it.

But what do I know.

Brock202:
I'm 24 while she's 23
Her dad died at a tender which makes only her mom raise them (5 of them 2males and 3females) singlehandedly.

She doesn't keep friends (she's an introvert)
Her vision for a family? I don't have an answer for that because any time we talk about this she always reply like someone with low IQ (She doesn't know what she want).

KpagoGIN:
A close family friend had an issue sounding similar but strangely strange...…… on the day of the said wedding ceremony the said husband and his best friend said they were going to seat with the said side-chick parents and trash out things, hours later guest were reporting live and direct that there was serious eating of riceand chicken, reception have set and almost finishing.
those I pity where the ones left with the wife at home to guarantee her that no ceremony was taking place.
P.S.....people from village came and lodge at the house she was busy doing catering work, not knowing elders have already set a table before her.

crackkhaus:
Good one

Very nice topic though...

Magnoliaa:
I think they'll find it though.
And 'take' it in. The type of young ladies you're talking about. Because they are inclined towards a path, then they'll come across things linked to the same path... Someone who wants to be a doctor will gravitate towards things that'll aid that desire...

Magnoliaa:
This is why women should 'own their sexuality.' There's nothing wrong with this as long as it's what the lady wants in return. But she wants commitment, and she's trying to use sex to get that... ?? They place marriage above everything. The end of all... and any means to achieve that...

Chi59:
Hanty, you're not a newcomer on this forum. Once I saw your moniker, I became interested You've said it all actually. This is what distinguished the relationship of our parents from ours the reason many are failing and falling.
Change is painful, that's why many hide under "if you love me, accept me the way I am" but then end up biting their fingers in the secret. Whoever loves you will accept the things that CAN'T be changed about you, and will also work on the things that can, to leave you better than when you first met them.

Never mind these Disney themed ladies who think love is a fantasy. You are dragging boyfriend and dragging male bestfriend. Lol. You've said it all.

Shugavee:
u speak base on ur asumptions , hv u had a male bestie b4 ? Nah definitely not. Stop telling people how to live their life , life is too short for all these fucjed up rules up n down ,,, why will I not hv a male bestie when he makes me happy as a friend,,,because u think I hv had sex with him ?, so I should live my life base on what u think ? When u hvnt even lived life enough? Not like ur life is perfect!

Take a sit, u won’t stop anyone from hving a male bestie if they wanna . N that won’t stop them from hving a man or getting married . Not like marriage is any achievement!! But base on it’s the only thing u think in ur life . I will conclude on that note ..

Preshieben:

crackkhaus:
Buka, that's the alternate of someone "popular".. put in quotes because she likes to think of herself like that.

Be careful who you engage.

Cheers...

JONNYSPUTE:
... Your maturity here is of topnotch

aytuns:
....and this piece was written by a woman! Wow..

bukatyne How long did it take you before you realised all these though?

Kekereekun123:
so teach people how to make. Money or their lives better. No hoodwinking a guy into a potential loveless and lonely marriage

KpagoGIN:
As someone said up there its a script the man is playing out.....pastor, aunty (best friend, big uncle, daddy and mum waiting to enter the the scene).
Council long ago had already been set and confirmed, the Aunty is just masquerading when things set na still that pastor go officiate that kangaroo Union.
P.S.....If your Husband been wise that side chick would have been used for a surrogate.

Francis609:
I will be brief with the narrative . Am 33 years old engaged to be married. I live with my fiancé in a single room ( she started living with me since February due to some issues she had with her senior sister she stayed with). We both are working , we are not financially ok just managing. My mum doesn’t like my fiancé for no reason , her reasons are , 1. my fiancé is dark skinned and ugly , she said I am a man but i looks more beautiful than my fiancé , she is worrying about her giving birth to ugly kids lol , mum preferred me marrying a fair woman like her , 2. She is not from the same tribes as her , she wants me to marry a girl from her village because she doesn’t want me to end up a divorcee like her ( my mum and dad are not from the same village , they had so many issues in the marriage that led to their separations). My mum thinks marrying her will not be a very good ideas. As for me I told my mum , I love my fiancé , she is the most beautiful woman in my eyes , she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with . My mum not happy and still disapprove of our relationships. She was not aware that my fiancé is staying with me , it was when my younger sister cane collecting money for her school fees , she met with my fiancé and has seen some of her stuffs in the room , she went back to telling my mum. She called me shouting at me , I’m stubborn like my dad , I don’t want to listen to what she is telling me about not marrying her, she will kill me , she has said a lot , no need for me to write everything on her . Then like a week later she has came to my place with my nephew only 1 year 6 months that she want to spend time with me because she misses me , according to her she was supposed to stay for a week but with this lockdown , things did not go according to plans , it will be 3 weeks on Wednesday , the space is not even big , I have been spending the day with them and when is evening I’m squatting with friends , while I leave my mum and fiancé in the house and she had been giving my fiancé lots of problems that today she has told me , she cannot stand my mum anymore and she want to leave and go and squat with her friends , I have been begging her to stay but she refused. I really feel sorry for my fiancé , I know how manipulative and controlling my mum can be , she is the type of person that can frustrate you till you commit suicide , I don’t even want to talk about what I went through living with her , I pity my fiancé , I don’t want her to go and stay with friends , she has nobody else apart from me. My mum has 5 children and a house , I just want her to go back to her house but I don’t know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. I need help, I can’t take it anymore

merahki:
I also would like to know
Especially if they are not incapacitated in any way.

varmint:
We need to know why laws are made and we need to apply these reasons when enforcing the laws. She was arrested for violating a law which is right but in the process of prosecuting her, the same law was violated. A rowdy session as witnessed there is a direct violation of that very law she was arrested for.

landmark86:
A woman in Uganda has been banned from having more kids after her forty fourth(44th) child.
Mariam Nabatanzi got married at age 12 to a 40 year old man. She gave birth to twins the following year. But due to a genetic condition that led her to having unusually large ovaries that produced multiple eggs per cycle, Mariam had plenty of babies per pregnancy.
She gave birth to a total of six sets of twins, four sets of triplets, and five sets of quadruplets. All in all, she had 15 pregnancies, all with multiple births that resulted to a total of 44 babies. She lost six babies in childbirth but had to take care of the rest of her 38 children.
Doctors had no choice than to ban Mariam from getting pregnant again.
Acknowledging that the ban is for her own good, Mariam actually felt happy that she is finally free. She admitted that she had asked doctors to help her out after the first few pregnancies, but she was told that birth control pills might actually lead to other health complications because of her genetic condition

Mavis3:
Hmmmmm. People have suggested all you mentioned to me but I never wanted to get myself involved in dubious or diabolic way of getting pregnant and to live with the guilt all my life knowing how the baby came about.

He asked me this morning if I have thought through what he told me yesterday. I said I am still thinking about it but I have also been thinking about having separates account once the lockdown is over. And when we do that, we will now discuss how the upkeep of his child will be.
He said but we decided on a joint account before we got married and it has been working for us. I told him just like we took a vow of for better or worse and I can see how that is working for us now.

That's what I told him this morning. I have never spoken to my husband in the manner I spoke to him this morning and surprisingly I don't feel bad at all.

LewsTherin:
And where does the waste water from the kitchen and bathroom end up?

7kg of water? Is that a ship's balast? The 7kg written on thw machine is the weight of clothes the machine can carry and still operate.

OP, your soakaway is bad, poorly constructed, absorbing ground water or someother matter. Get a professional to work on it. The washing machine has nothing to do with it.

The only issue with your neighbour seems to be his unwillingness to be understanding of your fears, enough to try to allay them. And I am not surprised. Your complaints must sound extremely silly to his ears.

Donald3d:
Ahh, abeg o I didn't say she is selfish, I said my suggestion may sound selfish, not her actions.
Abeg o, make dem no beat me for Nairaland

Donald3d:
We can't be too sure what the answer would be.. I have heard of men who accepted their wives with a child of another man.

Ma'am, this thing called love and forgiveness knows no bound with some people.

frozen70:
You see, no one prays for situations like this, who is the signatory to the account

He should as well open an account for the child and runs it the way he wants

One day he will beg you to accept the woman to start living with you guys

I suggest you start something doing on your name with your own share of the money, unless he permits you to use all

Lure him to follow you, let both of you go for adoption of a child and pls adopt a baby girl

My reason is that, that woman will not release that child to you guys, never she will rather wants to live with you people and you will be very hurtful about it

Tell him as you wait on the Lord, you want to adopt, in a polite manner, he will reason with you

Now my reason for you to adopt is because I don't want you to be lonely, so the child will be your companion incase he starts misbehaving

If along the line he wants to bring the woman in, tell him to rent a house for her else where because her presence will be hurting you

Use part of the money to adopt and pls gor for a girl child

Mavis3:
Dear Nairalanders,
I had to open this new account Because I have friends here and family members.

Please kindly advice me on this. As I am so bitter and unhappy right now.

I have been married for close to mine years without a child. I have had two miscarriages and couldn't take in again and we tried IVF once which failed.

My husband has been patient and supportive and have been wadding off any form of interference and other than that we had a beautiful marriage and close friends even think we are a perfect couple.
My pain started some months back when our pastor called me for an urgent meeting. On reaching there I met my husband and pastor told me my husband has a confession to make.
My husband told me he had an affair with a lady for a year which he ended because he was feeling guilty. But the lady had a child for him from the relationship which he just got to know recently when she called to tell him. And baby mama has threatened bringing the child to the house if he doesn't meet her demands.

He begged me for forgiveness and so did our pastor. I was heartbroken but I forgave him and took him back.
Early this morning, he told me he wants my permission to become involved in the child's life and be a father to the child.
We own a joint account and our finances is usually.planned as we talk about what we use money for. He wants us to include the upkeep of his child in our budget for each month .

I feel batrayed,angry and bitter.
I told him i will give him an answer when I am done thinking about it.
But I am not happy and I also feel cheated.

How do I handle this please?
Married folks in the house please I need your advice on this.

Pls mod, front page.

Donald3d:
This may sound selfish, but what if it was your child ?
As long as you choose to keep the marriage, the child would always be part of almost every decision .
It may sound harsh, but the earlier you accept what is going on the better.

I am really worried about your mental state, in all of this.
You need to ensure you have peace of mind, and not worry yourself .
Reality sometimes is hard to accept, but this is the reality.

Sixfeetbelle:
Having a male bestie for a woman isn't a bad idea as not all men will appeal sexually to a woman. If not for the fact that men are territorial, having a male bestie has some plus.

-a male's perspective to issues you have with your spouse. Eg a man won't see her husband being preoccupied with work same as him not finding her attractive anymore.
-a man's logical input against women's emotional ones in marital crisis. Eg a man won't see the mountain out of a molehill her female besties are seeing in a single missed call from the husband.
-the husband can even benefit from the bestie if they become buddies. That way, if he messes up, he can get the bestie to put in a good word for him when the wide comes calling for advice.

There are demerits to having a male bestie for a married lady and vice versa, but if we can be objective, it can work. It works even better if the bestie is married.

My two cents I leave you.

crackkhaus:
Even the word 'Bestie' is irritating to my eyes and ears.
In what decade did this even become a thing?
I feel like I may have skipped it...

If I hear any man around me mentioning that word, I might just punch him in the face.

For the females who say it, they're obviously still kids mentally so I can overlook them.

Brock202:
I' ve gone through your previous threads and my reason for referring her to you is quite different. I once create a thread about her and i still need solutions to her predicament. If you're chanced can you please go through it?

SeverusSnape:
bukatyne you're a rare gem. keep up the good work, Don't mind those detractors, they will keep being bitter.

Brock202:
Hi everyone, i dont want to bore you with long talk.
I need your advise on this issue,
Me and this girl have been in a relationship for over a year now, she posses some of the features i want in my woman but she's lacking one thing which is intelligence, i always be the one to bring up a topic we can talk about, I've never meet her for advice or anything that bothers me because i know she can't proffer any solution to it, we don't use to chat on WhatsApp after saying hi and i reply, how was your day that's the end, I'm the only one that bring up issue to discuss everytime but now am tired of it, I've complained to her several times but she said she don't what to say, I've sent her some books to read but she didn't read any of them. I'm thinking of breaking up with her because i can't cope with her again and then i decide to give it a second thought that's why i put it here if there is any other tips i can use to build her up to my taste

Advise me please!

Brock202:
Please i want to refer my girlfriend to you. How can she contact you.