₦airaland Forum

GboyegaD:
They will go back to their rightful owner or stay on their own and learn a lesson that they were only used in passing time.

Does a side babe/boo not know they are for time passing and paid for it?

Let us stop trying to shame side lovers for once and shift focus where it really belongs: The married people breaking their vows.

The married people took vows with their spouses and are the ones who should be held accountable for it.

God will console her family and all she left behind.

Amen.

kunletexs:
.


First of all, men of God are not just starting to give, they have been doing that way back.
Secondly that they don't believe in what they want us to believe seen foolish of you. Winners chapel founder personally goes out to preach himself, thus saving souls to the KINGDOM OF GOD not church. With the operation ten souls for christ, he is at the forefront.

Third, about he preserving his cash flow, you don't know how they live or spend. Bishop has said it again and again, he always gives his salary to God every month. They are not living on the tithe and offering of worshippers. Trace back some few topic on this forum to see a guy educating the people on how they have investment and others means of income. Guy, learn and stop this slandering of men of God which can harm you.

@Bold:

How?

placeofallure:
No, to Italy rather.

I love my name. The name opens doors for me, not that it rings any bell. People just think of the meaning and act by it. Yoruba names are loaded.

Back in campus, my friend and I wanted to submit our assignments at the lecturer's office. It was a late submission. I think the Prof. was in a playful mood. He initially sent us back but on second thoughts, he said we should wait. He asked for our names. We told him, he said I should drop mine cos of my name, he said he's role playing my name. That was how he sent my friend away with her assignment.

If you're still wondering what's in a name, I'd say a lot.

What is the name na?

Toseenlove:
Yes that's always their last resort, I have one In my street here. 5 people staying In one room. Most of them stays In just one room. Very shameless and useless people.....The hatred I have for poor people who like sex ehn, No be here......Even me that I'm quite doing okay financially and staying In a self-contained Is running away from pvssy.

Like for sex is not the issue: if they are legitimately married, it is their right.

They should just go to the general hospital of the contraceptive best suited to them.

The problem is that a number of them have the mentality of birthing a lot of kids since they do not know the one that will 'blow' and bring them out of poverty which is already a recipe for disaster.

Why are people acting all surprised?

I know Igbo also has this culture.

LadySarah:
I love love that song

Awwwww, glad I brought it here for you.

YourCoffin:
You just went in circles and finished at the starting point.

1. There is a verse in the bible that talked about how Jesus punished a group of believers that were trading in a church. If I remember correctly, he instantly destroyed their goods and sent them out of the church.

2. The tenet of the Christian faith is that there is a reward or punishment for every action and inaction. In light of this, how is this reward or punishment determined if not through judgement? Refer to one above: Jesus instantly judged the actions of the traders in order to determine the appropriate punishment to be meted out to them.

3. As a Christian husband who according to you should emulate Jesus' personalities and actions, he is expected to judge his wife's actions in order to determine the appropriate rewards or punishments for them. So why conveniently omit that christ-like quality from one of the qualities a Christian husband should have? Afterall Jesus did not wait for his second coming to do what he did in one above.

4. "And don't confuse punishment for an action with consequence of it." I don't understand this statement. Punishment is a consequence of an action often meted out by an appointed authority either consentually or not. By your logic in these case the husband is the appointed authority and should be able to mete out punishments befitting his wife's actions

5. How does one express one's displeasure of an action that have occurred more than once?

6. I am not in disagreement with your writeup. My standpoint is that if a husband have to be christ-like and uphold the christian faith, he must practise it in all totality, otherwise he shouldn't at all. There is no in-betweens and convenient omissions when it comes to Christian faith. If according to christiandom, a husband should behave like Jesus, he should be able to punish and reward his wife for her actions.

1. Jesus chased the sellers from the temple which is not actually a punishment. Again, that they were in the temple doesn't mean they are His people.

2. There is a difference between consequences and punishment. A child doesn't read and fail is a consequence of his inaction (reading). His parents flogging him is a punishment. Even the Bible says 'the wages of sin is death'. You like compare 'wages' to 'result' or 'consequences' of an action: sin. In the old Testament, you had the sin/ punishment structure which is not in the new Testament. Which was the reason Paul said 'should sin continue because grace abounds'? And he answered 'God forbid'. Correct me if I am wrong, there is no where Jesus Christ punished anyone. Even Peter who betrayed Him, He prayed for Peter and forgave. He however will come back with His reward at the second coming.

3. A husband is NOT Jesus Christ so he can not judge His wife. He does not have the moral capacity to do so. He can only correct her or judge himself so he retrace his steps back to Christ. Cleansing of the temple is not even 'punishing' them.

4. I explained the difference in point 2. A lady getting pregnant out of wedlock is NOT her punishment for having sex: it is the natural consequence or result of having sex. Infact, if she is married, doing same thing and not pregnant, we would be worried. A consequence is your report card so to speak.

5. This is vague. First why does the action displease you? Your selfish interest? Expecting something your wife cannot deliver? Not communicating well enough? Besides, the Bible admonishes forgiving a party 70 * 7 in a day. As believers, when we sin, we pray for forgiveness even though the ideal is to grow from repeatedly committing same sin and make disciples of other men. Jesus doesn't slap us or kick us when we lie or talk proudly. The Holy Spirit in you convicts you till you repent of it.

6. There is no problem disagreeing. I had a target audience hence the disclaimer. A Christian husband understand what is expected of him in the Bible. If his wife told him to die for her afresh, he will wonder if all is well. If Jesus Christ who dies for us, bought us with His blood doesn't punish us despite our per minute sin, what moral right does a husband have to punish his wife?

LordKO:
Bukatyne for president - na me go be de director of finance of your campaign organization. LOL.

On a more serious note, well-written. Kudos.

Meanwhile, I believe that a man doesn't necessarily need to be a Christian/religious proponent to be a Christ-like husband to his wife, like Christ is to the church. With conscientiousness as the hallmark of goodness/soul of fairness and altruism as the soul of both love and submissiveness, I don't have doubt that a conscientious man who's altruistic interest towards his wife is equal to a Christ-like husband, regardless of whether or not he's a Christian.

Man makes religion, not the other way round, and God's for all of us.

Hahahahahaha, thanks.

Well, I picked the virtues from the life of Christ and I did not want much back and forth hence the disclaimer.

Mryacks:
A fantastic and blessed write up. I pray for God's grace upon me as I strike to be a model husband like Christ is to the Church. An amazing woman who deserves all the above from me is my portion. Amen!

Amen and amen!

I am so happy even if this is all the thread has achieved.

sassysure:
Very wrong comparison that Christians normally make and unrealistic.
When husbands fail to reach up to half of the points mentioned, wives will be utterly frustrated and this breeds resentments afterall the men should be like Jesus.
(It's like the proverbial virtuous woman that men hold onto or women submissivess churches preach.)

Jesus never married.
Just like saying reverend fathers are the best marriage counsellors.
How can they when they don't marry.

In marriage, u don't look up to anybody cos u will fail.
Everybody has his or her own uniqueness horned by his or her environment or nature. No written rules. Don't set standard rather encourage the best traits u see in your spouse. Marriage work best when u dont set standards.
Go and make research.
When u set standards for human, that's when they fail most or if they should ever aspire to meet such standards, it will.be forced and not from the heart. E.g. parents and children.

The comparison is not unrealistic for Christians. They might however fail once in a while because they are humans.

Submission in Christianity is also not subjugation or relegating the woman.

RisenPhoenix:
I appreciate the compliment, but I am more interested in learning new things and I believe there is always room for improvement. Please share the model you think would work better, but for both parties, not only for the woman.

I don't agree with your model doesn't mean mine or anyone else is better.

I view money and time (which most people refer to as domestics) as resources.

We pull all resources into a common pot and use as we deem fit.

Interestingly, some of our input into the home has gravitated towards' traditional' roles.

So the discussion for me is not chores vs money. If I work from home and earn N2m monthly into the common pot, I will still handle most of the chores because I have the resource of time.

Personally, if I were to run a traditional model of marriage, I would most likely not work 9 - 5 because I would not have the resource of time except I have a maid.

One of the draw backs of the traditional model for me is the autonomy of decisions that the husband has.

Each of us to our own.

DexterousOne:
You echo my sentiment on Phoenix

I dont agree with his way either
But at least he has created what SEEMS to work for him

Which we should do amyways

True.

ProtectMyMoney:
One can always get a house help to assist the wife with chores... that way, you wouldn't expect Oga of the house to be washing plates, sweeping floors, etc. Etc

Wait:

It is beneath you to do chores yet you want your wife to share financial responsibilities with you.

Remind me again, if she is earning well and can fend for herself, why is she married to you again?

What values are you bringing to the table?

ProtectMyMoney:
All this long story are mostly written by our women from this part of the world...Naija...i hardly hear of women from Europe and USA bringing this up as a topic for discussion... they are naturally wired up whilst growing up to share things 50/50.

It doesn't come as a big deal for them to split bills.

I hope it is also not a big deal for you to split chores.

That is what the OP is about.

Neither party should pick a side and run with it.

If you want a home with traditional duties, each party should willingly play their part.

If you want to switch things up, do so in a way that is fair to both parties.

You can't be doing commander in chief and expect your wife to share bills with you.

You also cannot claim 'we are equals' and yeri that his money is our money and my money is my money.

The above is a recipe for disaster.

Biko, pick a side and stick to it.

2buffagain:
Notice how most of the countries that try to put "Democratic" in their full name are usually the most autocratic folks?
Besides Naija there is also DPRK aka North Korea.

It's like a joke.
I bet they were laughing when they named their countries.

Hahahahahaah

genq:
And I also hate gold diggers and lazy wives who contribute absolutely NOTHING and use househelps to do their chores you silly Puta!

@RisenPhoenix everything you've said on this thread is beyond shocking - especially coming from you! Majority of our women employ the use of househelps (with their husband's money) so please explain to me, what the fvck do Nigerian women bring to the table?

The difference between you and RisenPhoenix is that he is married and knows practically how stuff works.

He has experienced the beauty and colour a wife brings into your life.

Until you experience it, you may never understand him.

@RisenPhoenix: I do not agree with your model of marriage however, I doff my hat on how you have created systems in place to make it work and produce the desired results.

You put your money where your mouth is and not like our NLers who expect a fully earning contributing wife to take up all the chores, look sexy and jump at their every whim.

To answer your question: You are indeed a good husband to a wife who buys into your ideals.

2buffagain:
Nigerians in general tend to believe in autocracies and theocracies...not democracies.

This bleeds into everything they do.

100%

bdchange:
I don't know if it is easy to possess all those attributes you listed in this insane society where everything is out to frustrate your existence. It is easier to read the bible and pour it out like this but being practical of it comes the giant walk.

I agree that practical Christianity is a giant walk which is why we need the Holy Spirit.

Every an and woman must also be determined with a 'I can be this' attitude.

RisenPhoenix:
1. No. 'Rank'; meaning unjustified, unwarranted.

2. That assumption is not relevant to predicting what his behaviour would have been if he had been actually married to a physical real life woman. Even his vaunted patience would have been sorely tested.

3. He was probably an Essene; they were notoriously anti-female.

1. Learnt something new, thanks. Let me practice it back on you

2. The Church is made up of real life humans and unlike husbands, He knows the motives, thought processes and behaviour of humans. There is no seeing humans at their worst than that. So it a rank assumption that it would be any different or husbands can't meet up to this to a large extent.

3. How could Jesus be an Essene when He raised Lazarus and other people from the dead? Was every active in publicly? Jesus anti-female? Absolutely not!

faithfull18:
Most women's prayer though. A Christian husband not just in words but in deeds.

That's why a woman has to look well ma'am and ensure is a Christian in deeds also.

Ranchhoddas:
The husband go dey perform miracles?

Hence my comparing a husband to Jesus Christ. Now, I know a husband is human so cannot be perfect and is working towards perfection. Also, since it is an illustration of Christ's relationship with the Church, it would not completely be same. For instance, wives do not pray in their husband's name nor can the husband save his wife.

The above is an extract from my OP (opening post).

YourCoffin:
What of punishment?

Jesus Christ is coming with His reward at His second coming.

Expect a husband is re-incarnating or has the ability to judge his wife, how does this apply?

And don't confuse punishment for an action with consequence of it.

That is not to say a husband (and wife) cannot express their displeasure of an action/inaction and respond/react to it.

RisenPhoenix:
Rank speculation. JC was never a husband. No telling how he would have been as one.

Frank you mean?

Christ is the husband/head of the Church which a Christian marriage is founded on.

LewsTherin:
I wonder how many more treatises you will write before this pandemic is over

This is still one after two months na.

Who knows?

100? 1? 1000?

What is your take on this one

solite3:
Nice read, kudos op.

Thank you.

What is your favorite take away?

Pavore9:
Insightful.

Thank you very much.

Willing to share the particulars that struck you?

Thanks peeps for keeping the tread going and happy lock down

supereagle:
My own wife always acts contrary. I am more at home than she now, I always call her Abami Eda because of opposite tendency she manifests always.

Toor!

So you are the one happy now.

frankkydee:
Reverse is the case these days

Reverse of what?

Egbola944:
I met her few months ago, we started as friends and I later fell in love with her so deeply that I can't go a day without seeing or talking to her. She is everything I want in a woman, but the hand. My mum has seen her with me and she does not like the idea of me dating or marrying her. He reason is that she would be a liability to me. I thought about it too. But I still love her so much and I wish I have the money to take care of her,as she
may need assistance most of the time because of her disability. Please I need advice

This one But don dey enter the tori.

If you are not comfortable with her, can be easily influenced by external voices and cannot look past her disability, leave her.

She requires a man who is ready to love her and look past her disability.

CeterisXVII:
Why are you being deliberately obtuse? You ignored that part of the post, where she described how they had moved into a bigger apartment for 3 years, and he still refused to let her bring the child home, despite her pleas.

And you long epistle up there, how has it improved the future of the child that is to be thrown out of her relative's house?

The wife should continue begging ye husband, while her own son is thrown out to live on the street?

Or what is your solution, other than to keep begging a man who has withheld his agreement for 3 good years, while her son was being maltreated and starved outside her home?

Respect is earned, not given. If the man had behaved respectfully towards his wife and her son, all these would not have arisen.

I am sure your aunties and uncles did not beg their husbands or wives for 3 whole years, to let their neices or nephews come to stay with them. At most, it must have been for a few days, as men of old were not the cold hearted jerks that abound here, today.

Many of you people lack compassion and understanding, I swear.

This is the OP's first post:

[b]I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him. [/b]

1. The husband accepted her children as his and they both agreed that after their marriage, they would move in with the new couple.

2. For whatever reason, they could not accommodate both kids and took in the little girl while the boy was sent to her brother.

3. After three years, things are better for them and there is a space for the boy.

4. At the same time, the OP's son started stealing and her brother accommodating him told her to pick him up.

5. She pleaded with her husband and he said no because he doesn't want the boy to damage the children.

6. The OP became angry and came to NL.

So at what point did she state that she begged her husband for three years? The OP told us same husband was warm towards her kids and was reluctant to take the boy in because of his stealing habit. At the point of the story, the husband still said 'he doesn't want the boy to damage the kids' meaning he had accepted the younger girl fully as his own daughter and looked out for her.

I have deliberately ignored all the insults to yourself because of the sensitivity of this story.

I also came back to lay open the OP's post so that people can see the husband is not a monster and she has not been begging him for 3 years like you and others have been parading.