₦airaland Forum

BestAccessories:
You're right on this one.

Hope the demographic listened because at that age she is innocent, pure and yet to be seriously damaged.

Also at that age, she really doesn't understand herself so the people she associate with at this stage in her life is gonna define who she becomes later.

At this age terribly damaged products (ladies and men) would really be seeking to take her innocence away.

Also I assumed at that age, she need to take time to understand herself, have role models who motivate her and peer group that are working together towards achieving same goal.

The evil at this age is peer groups, peer pressure, friends and what she consumed by reading, listening and watching.

LadyGCrueDKilaB:
Are you married? Allow women chase the type of men they want. Not everyone wants that regular, mediocre and everyday life. If they want a man into the fast life, allow them to explore. Who has time for reducing standards just to be perceived in a certain way? By the way who says marriage especially in Nigeria should be aspired towards? Mtschew.

xrayj:
So many women have lost good & caring guys, because of this boring sh!t & they end up with one monster who treat them like trash!
@ bukatyne nice one!

xrayj:
Thank u my brother
Don't mind that Romanoff of a senseless thing!
You didn't see female bestie, it is male bestie u want? It obviously means there are certain qualities lacking in her boyfriend or hubby she wants to complement with d male bestie. This is a good thread by op. Male & female bestie nonsense shouldn't be encourage, it doesn't usually end well.

sassysure:
Some guys are naturally boring.
Has nothing to do with the stuffs written here.

Seems u haven't meet one bukytane

Jeez!

At least, some guys don't go to club. Infact, most guys don't go to club, smoke, drink or do yahoo yet they are not boring to be with.

Some chatty kinda girls love such guys and such guys are attracted to chatty, all over the place guys.

Nature has a way of balancing these things.
Compatibility first.

Personally, any day my man took me to a marriage seminar is the day I'm ending that relationship.
These are signs to look out for in relationships.
Those so called good signs.
Our marriage is already a failure though it's yet to start
That guy is a born control freak.

Afriifa:
You know, until now, I have wondered if there could be any lady who could acknowledge my exact personality succinctly like you have done..
Please, permit me to appreciate you: "You're a valuable treasure".
I have referred my lady to this post.
I hope she assimilates all you have been trying to relay.

GreatResearcher:
Educate them on how to bring something to the table.

Odunharry:
Hmmm

cococandy:
Or... hear me out.

that version of yourself is perfect for him hence the attraction in the first place.
Sometimes it’s not complicated

I’m assuming he’s a mature man who can immediately identify the characteristics he likes and follows them.

adexpa:
I love this thread not because of the topic but the responses. The arguments here are logical and reasonable. I love what op addressed n everyone has reacted specially on it. My concern is about bestie..... I don't think there should be anyone call bestie aside the guy you claim to be your boyfriend, you can ask n discuss all your concerns n issues with your boyfriend rather than having one bestie that is waiting for a minor misunderstanding between you and your boyfriend to capitalize n take advantage of you.

KevinDein:
Somewhere in their hearts they know this and are perfectly fine with it. Heck they encourage it.

Nice thread, @op.

Sixfeetbelle:
I'm that girl. I'm in my twenties and I want to date as little guys as possible before marriage but I don't see how two people who are on different sides of the spectrum can be compatible. Being ready for marriage does not involve toning down flexing. I've seen couples who are as flamboyant as ever marry each other. I've also seen a couple who weren't very social marry. A flamboyant lady and a 'boring' guy won't work out well. That's my point.

BestAccessories:
To certain extent, I agree with you but also disagree on some point.

Like the moniker immediately above my comment stated Compatibility is key.

If you don't socialize excessively and your date does, you're seconds away from distater.

If you don't like or desist parties, clubbing, drinking alcohol or smoking and you date someone that does, you're a step away from distater.

Habit is one of the most difficult thing in life to break.

Personality is also key. Some people believe in NOW and others believe in building the FUTURE.

The NOW person, want to have fun, want everything to happen now because he/she believes he/she mightn't be here to witness tomorrow. He/She isn't interested in building anything for the future and if he/she ends up dating someone who believe in building the FUTURE, problem will arise with FINANCE, SPENDING & WAY OF LIFE.

To be sincere, most of the people dating today, don't know or understand their self enough before they start accommodating other in their life.

A person that doesn't really understand himself or herself can't understand others. If you don't know what you want, how do you get it.

You can't change people except they personally opt to change.

A major mistake we guys usually make is believing you can change a lady.

You can't command or get the respect of a lady you don't understand or trying to change when she isn't ready for the change.

A guy that doesn't like party or drink alcohol can't successfully date a babe who love to party and drink lots of alcohol.

Such a girl already had an habit which is hard to break, except she is truly ready to change many things like peer groups, friends, environment etc she mightn't be able to successfully stop drinking alcohol or attending parties.

Allow like minds find and date themselves instead of advising people to stop being themselves because of a man or woman.

When you stop being yourself because you're dating someone, you are actually pretending/faking it in the relationship.

You can't keep pretending because everyone have a breaking point where they will eventually burn out and their real self start manifesting without them even knowing.

Be Yourself, Do You, Be Real in your relationship if you want it to last.

Sixfeetbelle:
Correct me if I'm wrong but what I understood from your post is that you are encouraging ladies to get together with a guy who doesn't fly in the same social circle as them.

I have to object. Compatibility is the deal for me in marriage bound relationships. If I'm a social butterfly, a disciplined rigid person can't expect me to suddenly/gradually tone down my outgoing self to match his introversion, likewise, vice versa. If he even insists through trying to 'tweak me' he'll be cutting off something about me that I won't realise is missing now until in near future. By then I'd feel so disadvantaged reconciliation with him would be impossible.

I believe that we should be with who matches our level of free-spirit than with someone we will have to lower or build up ours to match theirs. If I do, in years from now, I'd miss the old me and hubby would be back to his old him and discord would arise.

Ellipsoid:
It all boils down to compatibility

Preshieben:
Too long
Can't read all of em

Romanoff:
There are minor things that can be tweaked in the name of love and compromise, I get it. But there are some traits in people that if you force to change, you've turned them into what they'll never be happy with.

To avoid all these "I'll change her, I'll change him", go for someone who shares the same values as you. Amos 3:3 talk am say "Can two walk together unless they agree"?.

flokii:
Well, from things we see and hear nowadays.. most ladies marry for the wrong reasons to the wrong people and end up having loveless marriages.

Then all of a sudden they remember that good guy they friend zoned and start looking for fun and intimacy with them after several years. This is 2020 for God sake, that rubbish has to stop.

@OP preach!. hope they listen

Romanoff:
Trust me, the ladies that fall into this category probably won't open the post and if they do, e go enter one ear comot for the other one.

Romanoff:
So why can't any of the guys I spoke of be besties?

I've got two male besties and two female besties. They are also engaged to be married and our friendship is pure.

So the woman also gets to "tweak" the man like she's calibrating medications?

Romanoff:
1. Maybe you should have started with what they mean by saying certain guys are boring.

2. It is quite possible that some of the reasons might be juvenile but the need of women change in stages and with time.

drealcivilceno:
1. Please, quickly modify your question.

2. Whether the Girl get sense or she doesn't, what she want stands. There is hope for a man to even change.
A woman, HAA... Na data you just waste.

3. Well I have a babe like the OP, believes in fidelity, status prosperity, but she no wan settle down. Well I no dey in a hurry sef. Still enjoying my life Sha.

Romanoff:
Are you saying that every man that is friends with a woman is going to sleep with her? I've had male friends that I could talk to about my relationship to get a man's perspective on things. I have male friends who are my movie friends or male friends who are my friends from school, mostly post graduate school. I have male friends from church who are even married and they help me pray and grow, especially now that my wedding is coming up.

A friendship can't just end tomorrow, you know this too. I'm sure you still have friends from your primary and secondary schools. Why haven't they ended?

A wise woman selects her crowd. If you have to keep pushing her to make better choices about the crowd she moves with, it's either she's not ready for where you're going, so look for another woman or that kind of crowd is exactly what she likes.

Choose someone who shares the same values as you do. Only God is the potter that can mould man. I've Seen people who try to "mould" their spouses into who they are not regret it terribly.

Pick someone whose values aligns with yours and who you can live with bases on their character or flaws, not based on how you would like them to be.

drealcivilceno:
A woman chooses to be with a man.

My 1000Naira

MARX77:
You're loved Lady...God bless your partner

Romanoff:
1. I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

2. A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

3. Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

4. Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

5. This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

6. How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

ProtectMyMoney:
Women! Follow what is written in the book of Proverbs...virtuous woman

LewsTherin:
She was in another state at that time. I had always wanted to propose to whomever I get married to with one of the rings of power. Had a friend purchase it from Jens Hansen and send it down. Travelled to see her within a week of recieving it (a big deal for me as I don't travel well and she knows that). Got to her room and when she was looking the other way brought it out and asked.

Kinda simple. Except for the ring.

But prior to that time I had NEVER mentioned marriage to her. I made conscious effort to do that. I always intended to marry within 6 months whoever I asked. So I wasn't going to be flippant with such words.

Edit: She was blown away, by the way. Much more than she expected or hoped for.

234GT:
Unfortunately, I can't give your post 1 million likes. This post deserves more than just 1 like.

Amanda4life:
Its a difficult one.

A woman can learn to love.
But a man can never
.


It can only happen by bad condition of life.

Thats why you see some men take chill when they lack money or hit by serious sickness. But once they are off it, their true self will reflect.

Geeman23:
golden comment.

Donald3d:
Amen, yours as well.