₦airaland Forum

veave:
Something is wrong with you. In this pandemic, where everyone is being asked to stay indoors and isolate that someone will be visiting another person? I don't want to trade words with you please don't annoy me further. I have not had anytime to bond with my husband all through this period because we have to entertain his friend. So I should put my own needs on hold so that I can please another person? Don't be unfortunate this morning. You hear me abi? Just don't be unfortunate.

Before the pandemic my husband is hardly around due to his job and this man still came to the house severally I refused to open the door because I don't know what you'd be doing in your friends house with his wife when he's not around.
Woh! Don't be unfortunate today.

Hahahahahahaha.

You guys are indulging him.

There is more than you know.

HarunaWest:
See thrash your talking Yen Yen Yen. Bond with your husband...so Na COVID make u wan bond with your husband nonsense... Bonding that should be an everyday thing. The husband buying the food isn't complaining, but you are complaining. Naso una dey turn devil's advocate if una Marry man. You want him to keep away from friends, do you know the history between him and that friend. You self centered B****.....you shouldn't be married, you don't deserve it.

Remain small, you for get sense.

Just small.

Try harder.

veave:
This one that says he's my husband friend will come to the house and select what you will give him to eat, even if we are having a meal he can decide its not what he wants. Since covid he's been coming to this house every single day. I mean everyday. Come around 9am and leave around 7pm. The first week of covid I educated him on why people should not entertain guests in their house and why people should not visit anyone, my husband said I was disrespectful that I should allow him to do something bad so he can use his legs to run away. He thinks I have time to be following peace with all men.

What I will do to both of them?

I will call family meeting and ask my husband's parents to come and pay another bride price since its two people I'm marrying. How do you visit someone for 3weeks back to back? How? Omo some parents did not train their children abeg. It's irritating and I've had it up to here... Don't get me wrong food is not a big deal, but cutesy demands that when you go to someone's house, you respect yourself. This one will eat, ask for extra then when he's going if you made a new soup he'll ask you to give him take away. Then still come back 9am the next day. I've never seen this one in all my young life.

What does he need the take away for if he is coming back by 9am the next day?

Sorry.

oluspicy:
It is true that love grows gradually, but it grows only where it is watered.

Some people go into relationships believing that with time they will get to love the person they are with. Some even get married with the confidence that they will get to understand and love each other later in marriage. Most times the pressure is from our parents and family that care about us. Talking about;

"Don't worry, Daniel is a nice man, you will learn to love him as you move on."

"Yemi is a good woman, you may not love her now but you will learn to love her later when you're married."

And yes it is true, they are not wrong at all. Even for two people who love each other crazy from the start of the relationship we still need to keep growing our love for each other as we move on. It doesn't start and end after 'I DO'. We have to keep learning new things and new ways to keep falling and falling and learning and growing the love we have.

But love has to be watered. There is no magic moment anywhere inside a relationship or marriage that will make you fall deeply in love with that person just like that. It doesn't work that way.

Let me show you how the science of falling in love works;

In other for anything to grow, first there must be a SEED, and there must be a committed GARDENER.

Not just one committed gardener. But two;
The one you are hoping to fall in love with, and the one that is already In love with you.

Then the seed that needs to be planted and consistently watered? - Is PEACE!

Being at peace means you are comfortable with the person and the qualities they possess.

Being at peace means that even though you are not in love with them right now, you cannot say you don't find them attractive. I mean that peace that will make you scream YEEESSSSS when they want to touch you.

Being at peace means that you might not be in love with that person but you feel comfortable around them, and they make you happy. Being at peace means you that will be willing to go through what it takes to give falling in love with that person a chance. This means you are willing to be open, welcoming and ready to reciprocate their efforts as you seek to water your relationship with them.

Don't just take "love grows gradually" and run with it. Make sure there is something to grow. Love will not grow where you cannot stand the idea of being with someone. Love will not grow where their touch irritates you. You have to first feel that inner peace on your inside and on every side, that's the seed that will grow into the love you want to build.

Remember; "flowers do not grow in the garden of stones".

And to you, the one who is already in love, your SEED is PATIENCE.

Stay blessed.

I rest my case.

Weldone.

Nice write up.

Even people in love need to grow the love which is why I don't agree to the phrase: your spouse is not responsible for your happiness.

Hisincrease:
Good, write up, Op.

A love that will grow well is a two-way effort. No one person love can hold for long.

Well, I hope to love someday. I'm Single and productive.

But Op, let me ask, why do we say people fall in love? Like, must people FALL in love?

Can't people stand, jump or even run. Whatsup with falling, kinda scary sha.

Thats all I want to say.

Fall in love
Settle down to marry.

Don't like the phrases above.

Seems like one is retrogressing.

One should chase 1,000 and two 10,000

Analytical thinking would have told these people that states on lock down with the highest cases would be considered first.

Already, they said they were not giving anyone who has N5k and above in their account.

I wonder how the non-Northerners who voted this government a second term sleep at night.

Mubby4luv:
What's wrong with this now? Are the north not more entitled as you all said, the north are full of almajiris.

How you guys support this government amuses me.

It must take a lot of suspended thinking.

Djei:
I wanted 3 kids but settled for 4 with my wife. The last is almost 3yrs. My wife has been practicing safe period sex which has been working for us even in the spacing of our kids. The method just failed and my wife has been devastated, she has lost touch with things around her, she cries, lost appetite, suffering insomnia. I've done all I could to make her get over it and it's not working. I fear for her health. Many things are bothering her, the thought of starting afresh (she has given out all our baby things), going through pregnancy wahalla etc. Pls ur advice and words of encouragement will be highly appreciated on how to weather this storm. Thanks

Just imagine that it is twins.

We call it double double

Hugs to madam. It can be very sad especially if she wants to go guns blazing on whatever she wants to do.

cococandy:
There’s nothing wrong in marrying someone who’s struggling with the intention of being independent and genuinely working to be independent. I always say no one can provide for you like you can provide for yourself. Few man can provide for you 100% and it’s the same with women.

So why are you letting him make you feel like you’re doing something wrong for not wanting to carry his family burden?

The main problem I’m seeing here is not that he borrows money from you. It’s that he’s borrowing it to support other people. That shows poor management on his part .

Very true

And the fact that he is borrowing to sustain/feed them.

Not a one off project or sickness.

Omeku:
My heart is really bitter writing this. Am married with kids(beautiful kids). In Marriage for 12 years now. Just got to know three days ago that my wonderful husband has been having sex with my 15yrs maids who happens to be in the same village with him. While for passed 3 years now nothing much have been happening between us considering the fact that he's having erectile dysfunctions,which i understood with him. When i got to find out about their mischief(thru the note she wrote to my husband which i saw in her bag;telling him that she knows that my husband don't like her anymore because my husband told her that he's done And that she will tell her people in village). When confronted my maid,she confessed to me that it all started immediately she came into my house 3 years back.When confronted my husband he pleaded guilty(said he wanted to see if is possible to have erection that he's always ashamed due to the problem) and have been crying for the past 6days begging for forgiveness.I have forgiven him though but am emotionally imbalance. Lockdown come cause more wahala.Please good advice needed on what to do.Thank you.

What exactly do you need our advice on?

babythug:
bukatyne!

I completely missed your response on this post! I’m gonna digest properly and find your thread which you referenced.

I don’t think this cheating in a marriage is one that we can ever have a white or black answer or solution for. Many culprits don’t even know why they’re cheating and I’ve known a few situations where the extra marital affairs just “happened”. That is not premeditated per se.

Anyway will be back with some new perspectives I’ve gained on the matter

Happy new years.

Was banned so couldn't respond.

You have given me hope not to feel guilty of responding after a while.

Mention me with your epiphany.

bukatyne2:
Viewing both monikers bukatyne and Bukatyne2 (liked it while it lasted) is fun.

OH oh bukatyne2, howdy?

I thought you start with a capital B like a proper noun.

Bukatyne or Bukatyne2.

Had the idea of a thread however, did not want to use bukatyne2 to create it.

Now the idea is gone.

I like to call my name

Bukatyne, Bukatyne, Bukatyne, Bukatyne2, Bukatyne2, Bukatyne2.

Bukky Bukky

Wolgrace:
Funny you... Iwe bawo? We're all learning here. I drew the line out of God's counsel, i.e a man that finds a wife obtains favour from Him. So, is the woman that finds a husband. Although, my write ups already expantiated what the line is.

Wife and woman are totally different, same is husband and man. Good wife and good husband as gifted by God have specific qualities and roles to maintain the blessed gift of God. Therefore, she obtained her good husband as a favour from God. Attributing the 47years success to her less expectation qualities is a fatal error.


She should have married a thug or tout or violent beast to know if her qualities would bring success and joy in her marriage.

Oluwa is involved!

True.

Some people did all they could and yet, it did not work out.

dawnomike:
Me i don't understand ooo

Happy birthday.

First post after one week ban.

@OP:

I am sorry I let some e-idiots bait me to derail this thread.

I hope you find peace and kids with whatever you decide.

tabithababy:
.

Our dear Mrs Marital rape... Don't you get tired

The question is don't you all get tired?

Please crawl back to the hole you came from.

Shugavee:
did u read ur message I replied to ,, or u dumb ?

I think I have indulged you enough from my other thread.

Now run along.

Shugavee:
marriage is not the only thing she can do with her life,, n don’t say it like she’s in a hopeless situation n she won’t hv her own kids, she will

If in all my posts on this thread you think I am so concerned about her marriage, then you need to put on your thinking cap (no offense).

She is free to try conceiving with another person afresh.

Biancah:
Why do Nigerians beg alot ? In all social media handles Nigerians like begging, if a celebrity should post anything and there are 2000 comments ,1700 of the comments would be of people pasting their account numbers. Why do Nigerians feel entitled to someone's money. Even nairaland is not left out, account numbers are almost everywhere on nairaland.
Some were even asking Seun for giveaway like they are entitled to his money.
Why do some Nigerians feel like they are entitled to a rich/well to do person's money ?

The average Nigerian is not content with what he/she has.

Also, the average Nigerian is in contant competition and always wants to lead the 'imaginary' pack and will result to begging, stealing, misappropriation of funds, shortchanging others to do so.

Some people because of the paragraph above also like to 'give' to show they are on top.

Most of the 'beggars' are using the funds to do stuffs you the begged cannot afford.

E. G. The OP that lamented that his married ex used the funds she from begged him for her husband's birthday.

And as luck would have it, said OP claimed he cannot use such funds to celebrate a birthday for himself or family?!

Hathor5:
Correction, the ratio of quality men to quality women is outrageous. Men like you are not hard to come by.

Bwahahahahahahahaahahahha!

You are right, the problem is quality spouses.

If not, nobi youth of different sexes yapa for road so?

But again, the quality spouses are really few so they will go round themselves well if they know what to look for.

Ishilove:
I'm an old soul in a young body. Old movies, old songs, old architecture, photographs and fashion have always appealed to me in ways contemporary music never has.

I love old foreign movies.

Movies set in 30s, 40s, 50s.

There is just something about it.

Ancient Roman Architecture is also bae.

Blankstare:
That the covid look like white man malaria, 95per cent symptoms similar to our own malaria

White men are vulnerable to epidemics, the way they spite Africa for virulent diseases for ages

T[b]he west and American people still believe in Almighty God, Spain held vigil, an imam prayed for Trump in his office[/b]

Most covid 19 victims are client to our Yahoo boys, no cash out since January

Idris Derby is a good military tactician like kagame

It is only on NL that the West don't believe in God

staga:
Taught me as a Christian that all the prayers we pray regarding physical blessings are all vanity. I have cars. I did not even warm any of them throughout last week. I have lands...no project on them now. I have clothes. Na only 1 tracksuit and T-Shirt I don dey rock since. Money in the bank. What am I buying this period? Easter travel to Europe I planned with wifey...gone bust. All the money spent on suya, shawarma, joints, etc..they are all closed.

We have all been levelled out. All my friends who are abroad are all lamenting. Some of my clients are sick with the virus. One that stays in UK has been down for 24 days and was practically asking me what we are using to treat our people here that is making our death rates so low compared with their country so she can look for it. That her doctors are all clueless as to how to help.

It is terrible but we thank God for mercy.

Hmmmmmmm.

All the cloths, shoes, bags, material possessions!

just poof.

Brunicekid:
The lockdown has opened my eyes to the deplorable state of Nigeria's healthcare system... That even the aso rock clinic that "billions of naira" are allocated to in the budget is not 'fit enough' to treat Abba Kyari.

I was shocked!

I thought rich people would be scampering to go to Abuja as per National capital.

showafrica:
8 to 5 work is shiiit..

Why?

truthsayer009:
It has opened my eyes that nothing is life is permanent
- Some people already calling me that they've slashed their salaries, some lost their jobs, some aren't even sure if they still have a job or not

Re-learnt that most important thing in life is Family
- Spoke more family members & other relatives that I haven spoken to in a decade.
- Friends which I haven't spoken to for 4 years called, even some far longer.

To always save for the rainy day
- Most people who spend everything as money comes will definitely cry this period.

Also that Nigerians are actually poorer than I thought, I always underestimate our level of poverty until now. All those cars in Ikoyi use to cloud my judgement.

My brother,

Family!

I stumbled on an Instagram post of a CEO saying during this lock down, she is reviewing her employees and finding out those she can do without. :[

If you say entrepreneurship, some people would lose their businesses after the pandemic.

baldman:
Dear Madam @Bukatyne, may I just apologize to you on behalf of the men who are attacking you for giving our bro some pointers about how to spice things up in bed, at this time when we seem to have more time to create memories in bed with our wives. You did no wrong Sister, these are either prude men or they are just not used to the idea of taking counsel from women (Of course I am assuming that you and the gentleman @Pdudd are decent people who have respect for marital boundaries). I know for sure that men are mostly clueless about what makes sex enjoyable for a woman, first, because they do not own a vagina or the body parts and brain of a woman, and secondly, because of ego, they just assume that they are the pro, after all, they have been having sex since they were 15 and they have four grown-up kids to show for it ( as if that counts), they won't even allow their wives give them pointers, how much more a stranger on the internet.

I have taken time to post this because it is quite discouraging and rather immature to condemn any woman who is open enough to demonstrate knowledge or expertise when it comes to sex. I have enjoyed really useful sexual tips from my female colleagues at work and no we are not having sex and they are not interested in having sex with me, we are all decent happily engaged people who do not think sex is such a sacred topic that can not be discussed without someone being shamed for it. @ PDudd, please fire on, enjoy the wife of your youth the to fullest extent , take tips from wherever it is decently available ( including from the faceless internet woman, women know their body and mindset better than us) and make your wife cum over and over again. Also, have your wife take this quiz on mojoupgrade.com ( google it, it is not porn, at all) and discover those things that she might want you to do to her. Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled. Do whatever makes you happy bro

You obviously know I went to check your profile after this post.

Thank you, I have moved on.

This is NL, strange characters abound.

baldman:
I married because I knew I would have issues moving on if I didn't marry her, she kinda 'damaged' me with her plain honesty, realness, commitment to 'us', our friendship, besides she met all other requirements, as well. She has even turned out better in marriage, honestly

I know right.

When you feel it is that person or nothing.

Goodluck.

goldenboyofpsy:
There is a standard for children to follow. Even my lecturer that moved to US with the kids, was told to return the kids to normal grade that they will have the brain no doubt but will lack emotional stability.
If you did psychology or education you will understand the three stages of development.

This is not about the stages of development. It is applying it to our society.

A child should enter secondary school at 12:

1. What does this child do at home from 8 (after done with primary school) to 12 considering that most parents work today in Lagos?
2. Knowing our university system, let's assume it takes the child another 9 years to navigate through the uni to NYSC; he is 27.
3. An average place to work in Lagos today wants the maximum age for entry level to be 25 with masters and two years working experience. Already, our child has lost out except he/she reduces his age which is a crime.
4. If unfortunately, he stays at home additional one year before a job then he is 28. At what age will he be financially stable to get married? (Except he is celibate, he is having sex which is another line of issues all together.)
5. Most of our policy makers WILL NOT put their children in Nigerian schools which means while the average Nigerian is struggling to graduate and serve by 27, the average politician's kid is 24 with a masters' degree i.e. they 'qualify' for the standards of the juicier organizations.

If they want our kids to start secondary school by 12, then there is need for a overhaul of our educational system and work force.

Before you scream entrepreneur, how many successful ones in line with their course in the university do you know? And I don't want the wig sellers and caterers on Instagram (I am not knocking off their hustle and I know some of them are doing well). If all our graduates become bag sellers and caterers, how do we develop as a nation? How do we build technology for the next generation?

Are there systems in place for young adults to go to technical college if they are not interested in university WITHOUT discrimination? HND holders still know what they face from employers.

By the ripple effect hits, it will be like magic.

baldman:
Oh yes it did. Exactly 3 years ago ( April and we have to beautiful kids ( a boy and a girl to show for it, to the glory of God)

Awwwwwwww!

So lovely

So why did you marry your wife?

fredopareto:
I will tell him to marry someone he don't love

Eziokwu!