₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
That’s how it’s obvious that you don’t live in Nigeria. Millions of Nigerian women toil everyday to bring food to the table and take care of the children. I can’t take anyone seriously who says otherwise. You obviously have not been to the markets, banks, schools, roadsides, farms and motor parks to see women hustling under rain and shine every single day

I am amazed that the average NLer still believes that a husband is the sole provider in today's Nigeria.

meezynetwork:
I know the guy. He stays in agbor delta state

Do you think the girl is in good hands?

I must be a prophetess.

I just watched the video; the husband is 33, wife is 18

'Come and see her in a few years, she would have grown fatter and bigger than this!'

And why is the interviewer stamerring and screaming?

Again, when a person is silent on the screen, he/she looks lost because there is nothing is do than focus on the camera.

cococandy:
@bold, but that’s the one of the core manifestations of inequality

Well, this inequality cannot be solved by laws; they can only be solved by proper upbringing and women respecting themselves.

Mindfulness:
Small madam? Have you seen the child's face and behavior?

Read my first comment, I expressed she looked lost.

I am not rooting for the husband however legally, the husband has done nothing wrong.

She is 18 and free to marry whosoever. Getting parental consent is more of moral than legal.

Younger and less developed girls are having sex daily with their age mates and father's age mates.

I am looking at her 'lemons' and spinning them into lemonades. This type of marriage is NOT new and in some places cultural. Infact, I wouldn't be amazed if the parents saw nothing wrong in this union; the mother might have been in same boat.

I served with a girl whose parents were hounding for marriage and emotionally blackmailing her that she wouldn't get a spouse at 22. Her parents were very rich.

I served with another who was married off at 17 when her father died ad she managed to finish her HND with two kids despite reditable and discouragement. That girl is my inspiration in turning lemons to lemonades

If this girl attended anothet church were makeup/dressing well is allowed and she was well dressed, she would look better.

I don't know her story however the husband seems excited to have caught a 'divine' fish. Let her spin that to her advantage and make the best that she can of her marriage.

baby124:
lmao at the description of the lady. She really looks lost. That old man there is looking for a young lady to be his wife. She is legally entitled to marry at 18. She just looks malnourished and impoverished. She may need this marriage more than we know. Lol. Omotola was married at 18 too. So what’s the fuss? Happy married life to the latest couple in town.

Funny @ last statement.

If the man tushs her and sends her to school, she go become babe aka small madam.

True at Omo T.

crackhaus:
If not for the subtle fact that there's already a tear in the fabric of that marriage, why on earth will cooking food or having sex be seen as hard work?

Now you are trolling

Side chics and wives are operating in two different spheres.

UjuJoan2:
I remember when I was in the University together with my elder brother, and one of our 'uncles' relocated to our town. My dad called us (myself and my brother) to inform us of this development and instructed us to go and pay him a visit and welcome him to the town. My brother, being a sharp guy went first and met with 'uncle' and had a swell time. 'Uncle' was lodged in a hotel then and my brother was treated to room service buffet meal/drinks, and of course a generous amount of 'pocket money'.

I remember the excitement when my brother told me the good news, I couldn't wait to go for my own share of the enjoyment. Imagine my shock when I got to his hotel room and 'uncle' decided I had to pay for my own goodies in kind. Uncle did not even pity me and at least buy me a meal, seeing that I was visibly starving, after fasting all day in anticipation of the wonderful hotel meal. Needless to say, I left his hotel room empty handed, not even my transport fare was refunded.

I can give you up-to 6 (at least) instances of similar occurrences . . . one was even a first cousin, another was a catholic priest.

And yet people wonder why I fight for equal treatment for both men and women!

These cases you cited are not as a result of 'inequality' na.

Don't be surprised that same baffoons would not let men ten feet from their daughters. So they are not doing it because they feel you are 'inferior' or undeserving of 'equal treatment'; they do it because they have been trained (by parents, society, women themselves) to believe they can take advantage of women and get away with it. They have been trained to see women as a thing of enjoyment and move on when they are done. They have been trained it is ok to indulge in your base fantasies and sow their wild oats.

Some of them classify women into good women (predominantly their sisters, mothers, wives, relatives etc.) and other women they can use for their enjoyment.

The solution is bringing up gentlemen and women who know their own worth.

There is something wrong with the friendship if you have to hide your boyfriend from your friends.

18 yr old is an adult and legally allow to be married.

Is this marriage divine? Maybe to the husband; the wife looks lost.

If she was better dressed and looked like she wanted the marriage, maybe the age difference wouldn't be an issue; she has chosen afterall, Buhari was older when he married Aisha at 19. Shade Okoya married Chief Okoya at a much older age and nobody screamed pedophile; maybe gold .....

I have seen enough to know that this marriage however ill-fated it looks might hold more hope for the lady.

If the husband treats her right and helps her further her education, she might lead a better life.

Hmmmmmm

There are types of single mothers apart from widows like she excluded.

If she is referring to them celebrity baby mamas, I 100% agree with her.

If she is talking of girlfriend /boyfriend whom when belle entered, they parted ways because they couldn't agree on abortion/keeping the child/ bobo remembered he is too young, not necessarily.

If she is referring to mature ladies who decided to be single mothers because time is no longer on their side and they want kids, disagree.

If she is talking of divorced single mother, it is very complex

Like I would always say, if the society was awesome before the age of technology/SM, who handed down these vices?

Anyways, she is talking about Kenya and I would wager most of us don't know their culture or understand the male/female polarity in their society.

No make up ke or light make up?

I can see eye pencil, eye shadow and probably foundation.

I admire her simplicity anyways.

She looks fresh.

ImaIma1:
You go to some houses and the boys are treated like kings while the girls do all the work. I remember my neighbours then...the girls used the wash the boy's clothes.

They spoil the boy and make him useless to the women he related with or dates, the one he marries and even to his society.

I know someone who babysits her niece and nephew. She is hard on the niece but pampers the boy so much that he cries a lot, throws tantrums even if he is the older one while the girls acts much more mature than him.

When i asked her why, she simply said because he is a man. It really has ro change.

Men beating their wives and treating them like second class citizens is as a result of poor upbringing and the mindset they were trained to have.

I hope this can be corrected

I hope so too.

ShakurM:
Thats another point of discussion. I'm providing for my wife, we are for each other, don't question that for one sec.           

Ok o.

RedAlert08:
I love the way you reason. Kudos

Thanks

crackhaus:
Yup very simple.

With the exception of respect, good food and good sex are not needs that are exclusive to men. A wife requires both as well, so I have never come to understand why the act of sex which both partners enjoy is suddenly the need of just a man who is even doing the most work during the act. I don't gerrit.

Same argument can be made for food.
Unless the woman survives on just air and water, chances are she's also eating from the good food she thinks it's just the need of a man.

I can understand if you say respect can be hard to give because you can only respect a person who makes you happy and feel great about yourself.
And for a lot of women who still tie happiness to needs being met, they will only be happy when a husband does 11 out of 15 according to Bukatyne.

@Food: I don't know of anyone who cooks at same rate when her husband /parents are around.

No one.

When you are the only one/with kids, you can cook whatever, whenever if you are inclined. Like armyofone said, there is no issue of not cooking by 1am or not grinding the crayfish etc. You owe no one an explanation why you are tired and can't cook.

@Sex: very complex and I opened a thread a while back. Ideally, sex is mutual. However, from the point of dating, sex has become something a woman does for a man. That's why women are told to keep their virginity for their husbands, boys claim to use girls after sleeping with them and a man thinks he is entitled to sex because he paid her bride price.

Men (and women) have rarely approached sex from the point of mutuality. Even when wives are advised, sex is portrayed as something done for the man so he would love you, so he won't go outside, so he will give us something bla bla that's why it is also a very potent bargaining chip.

Because it is seen as an activity that reduces the 'honour' of women, a number of men don't want expressive wives; they would however want the availability. I remember someone telling me his wife couldn't ask him for sex or another saying that he would be weary I'd the wife cornered him in the kitchen. A third was wondering why a husband would ask for feedback during/after sex. These are men whom a woman would assume are 'liberal'.

Also, some women marry men they don't like so after a while, it becomes a chore because they have lost desire and sexual attraction for him.

There is still a thread on FP where the husband is thanking the wife for constant sex amongst other things

@needs: make it 12

crackhaus:
The way you used 'MOST' makes it seem like a man's needs is as much as the hypothetical 15 you used in regards to a wife's needs.
Reading through that comment by ennabledgoddess also shows why you can't compare a man's needs to a woman's. God bless her soul for being so honest, and I feel she even summarized it.

Husband's needs: According to the article you shared is just Sex, food, and respek...
And amongst these three, I see only respect as the one that requires work on the part of a wife.

I will explain why in my response to armyyofone.

Reading blogs and hearing personal stories will tell you it is not do simple.

DejiSantos:
The wife's roll is to support her husband

What are you talking about?

Oga Deji,

Nor vex.

Leave me to my opinions.

God bless you sir.

[quote author=Biglittlelois post=69415944]Well she told us a part, she can as well tell us the rest so we can advise objectively.

According to her, they had a fracas that led to him packing out.

The advise/approach she would receive if the fracas is not cooking his favorite soup at 1 am will be different from the husband finding out that 2 out of their 3 kids are not his.

iPopAlomo:
was this question answered...


Abeg wetin she do way the man wan pursue am...??

Not seen an answer o.

Cc: platony, obason22 and oklander

kay9:
Exactly what I'm wondering.

Hmmmm

DejiSantos:
If the husband cheats the wife needs to do some soul searching

Okay

Since the husband doesn't have sense to think on his own again.

NLers get serious problem and like a user recently opined, women can't win.

A man praised his wife and I was expecting 90% of the commenters to appreciate the woman and tell NL women to emulate her.

But no, they somehow managed to bash the wife, bash the husband, condemn his praises etc.

I will just assume that the average commenter here is trolling else there is a serious problem somewhere.

God bless the husband and wife. They will continually reap the fruit of their love.

fergieboy:
Me I don't want this type of wife

A wife refusing sex always make it fun... Like you value her more

Ikan be!

staytravel:
That's very true. Most women who are happy will not cheat. Men on the other hand. Even if they are happy at home some of them can still cheat o.

Well, some partners will still cheat even if theit spouses gave them the world on a platter of gold.

I have heard women cheating because their husbands were too good and boring.

Happiness is also subjective. What makes me happy?

cococandy:
My secondary school classmate was found dumped in the bush, naked and dead around last week.
She was coming home to Owerri from port harcourt after her mom called her to come visit.

Her body was found and luckily the perpetrators were caught (Some lady wore the girl’s clothes and someone identified the dress. That’s how they were traced).

I watched their confession video and I couldn’t hold back my tears. According to the guys that did it, They kidnapped her from the bus station with the intention of raping her and asking for ransom but during the process of raping her, they discovered that she is still a Virgin and decided to kill her for rituals instead (since that’s supposed to give them more money).

I’m still in shock. It is difficult to live in Nigeria but it’s definitely Herculean if you’re a girl.

God console her parents, so sorry for their loss.

Thank God the perpetrators were caught even if it wouldn't being the girl back, it would give the parents closure.

Hugs to you.

I have always said there is no institutionalized discrimination against women in Nigeria (would be happy to have someone prove otherwise).

The problem is mental mostly brought about by home training.

Yep, it is the same men & women campaignin that 'government' should intervene that train boys who misbehave in the first place.

What laws would you put in place to ensure that a boy doesn't 'use and dump' a girl? Or that a husband respects his wife?

I am sure that even in Saudi Arabia that is infamous for I'll treatment of women, there are some men by the virtue of upbringing that treat their women right. Afterall, in the same Saudi where there is a law against female drivers, some men still taught their women how to drive.

Like someone once said, some women train sons they would not marry. I know women who complain that their husbands are not helpful on the domestic front/ too authoritive. Strangely, they train their sons to be same. I now wonder why the complaints.

Laws make everything mechanical and some people would still be above the law.

The next crop of young men are in the hands of the girls complaining today. The onus is on them to train gentlemen for the next generation.

Also, I fear for a father who is giving his daughter extra money so she is not lured by men. The excuse that she schools in a different state with higher cost of living hence the higher pocket money sits well with me.

The second excuse? Mbanu!

A lady who would be lured has decided to be lured because she is not content.

I agree that it is easier to be content with N30k pocket money per month than N5k per month.

It also means that the father is afraid that her hasn't trained his daughter well.

What happens when he can no longer afford it or the higher share still doesn't make sense.

NightHound:
Some of these parties where girls get free entry are usually the ones where the ladies are perceived to be the attraction/entertainment/dish on the menu. It's not a favour or preferential treatment, it's simply a tactic to get lots of girls in to make the party more attractive to guys. Because guys aren't likely to patronize pool parties where there are only naked guys; and if it isn't awoof, most girls would stay home. So, the organizers are just being as smart as they know how to be. More money is the bottom line; so if they can get women to pay by playing on their sentiments (while also being the entertainment) why not give it a shot by targeting feminists?

Very much on point

Hosting a party and telling ladies to cone for free is actually insulting because those ladies are entertainment for guys.

Whatever jare.

My Croatia with their cute presido just lost to France.

DejiSantos:
A husband will not cheat on a wife who is doing her job.

And a wife will not cheat on a husband doing his job.

Agree?

Are spouses supposed to help their partners be the best they can be and stay faithful by playing their part? Yes!

However, the choice to cheat solely lies on each partner and anyone who cheats decided to do so.

And I am aware that a spouse can make that decision easier or harder.

Had a family friend that finished service at 19.

Had secondary school mates bigger than her at 13, 14, 15.

I am sure if we take off the make up and wig, you will see a Bournvita baby at 18.