₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
She is right, though it isn't about older single ladies and married women. I think it is more about the partner you are married to.
If a woman is married to a man who doesn't help in the home, she has a job to keep, kids to attend to, a husband to sex, in addition to the strain of child-bearing...it is only normal she looks older.

Lots of Nigerian men fit the above description

That said, why are widowers more keen on remarrying?

@bold:

And widows are not.

Shaking tables and causing controversies asides,

We are need to do critical thinking.

Men often complain that women age faster than men especially in marriage hence some advocate for longer age gap between spouses.

Someone comes to out to say marriage is the aging factor and peeps are complaining.

@Widowhood: after the shock of the loss and a little healing, men look for new wives; women concentrate on their kids and lives. (This is just generally)

Could the Ozzy woman be on to something?

cococandy:
Guys claim marriage is a disadvantage for them.
Yet.... they are on every social medial fighting people who are advising against marriage. Erm confused much? These type of people should be your best allies in eradicating an institution that is so unfair to you. Unless y’all were just being insincere and mouthing off

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha

Very funny innit?

akeentech:
But my wife looks more younger than her mates, tho we're separated.

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha

I am sorry sir however, you just proved her right.

mimimile93:
thanks bro. I was over with them.

Whenever I heard guys say the are in love the wanna marry i get sick. These ho.es are writtenoff. Any girl born from the 80s is useless.

I stopped attending weddings.
Marriage benefits these women.


I need people to help me tell young men to doaway with marriage.

Again never let a woman knows how much u are earning. That was another mistake I made.

@bold:

A lot of married women especially those burnt by their husbands wouldn't agree with you.

4FACEADELEKE:
That's your mind playing tricks on you, she deserved what she got served,and you paid for it by going to prison.The spiritual equation is balanced.She can never harm you because you paid her back in her own coin.If she was innocent then she can harm you,but since she was not,nothing she will do that can harm you.KARMA DID ITS DUTY AND THATS THE END.Anytime her image flash,don't feel the slightest inconvenience. You did the right thing,anybody would have done same if they were in your shoes.

While I agree with your spiritual equation, the fact that he sees her can't be ignored.

It is from his conscience which needs to be cleansed and renewed by God.

mimimile93:
you don't know what to say? Like really? U are part of the reason I created this thread because u were among those that judged me. U even said d gal dat broke my hrt did a great job.

Now u don't know what to say?

I am waiting to hear what UyaiIncomparabl and NwanyiAwkaetiti have to say.
Those girls are big pain in the ass.

The other thread on delivering men from pussy brought me here.

I understand that you are very hurt howevee, first stage of healing is acknowledging your faults.

If you date more than two three girls who are cheats, my brother there is something seriously wrong somewhere.

It is either your selection criteria attracts cheats or you give off the vibes of unseriousness and unwillingness to commit. Afterall, if we go by your time line, you dated/slept with several girls in the same space.

You also didn't tell us if you were faithful in all these relationships.

The same way you have met wicked women, there are wicked men too that have dealt cruelly with their women.

Thankfully, you have figured our that you are not in the right frame for a romantic relationship/marriage and have refused to succumb to societal pressure to do so.

Looking at it from another angle, thank God this happened while you are young enough to hustle.

What if you were an old man looking forward to rest when this happened? Where would you really start from?

You need to let go of the bitterness because while there might be causalities, it destroys you. So in addition to the psychologists, please turn to God and He will heal you.

You need healing that no human can give except God. He will restore your mind, body and soul to how they ought to be and give you a fresh start in life.

He is a potter and specializes in moulding clay into beautiful vases.

It is well with you.

troubleseller:
Don't be petty. There are many things a husband does for his wife. That was just a tongue in cheek comment. Get married and you'll be surprised what you want your husband to do for you.

First, you assume my martial status.

Second, I see no reason why I should take your comment to be tongue in cheek.

You stated it as a something she would miss out if she didn't marry.

A man doesn't need the marriage certificate to do anything for you.

majekdom2:
because in your thought, you perhaps wanted to get married to depend on a man! If that wasn't your thought, you will see the benefits of marriage beyond dependency on your partner. The dependency mindset is a parasitic one.. a parasitic relationship does not last.. at all. Do you have any purpose in life? Do you think marriage will help achieve it? The answers to those questions should let you decide if you should marry or not.

The dependency mindset is a parasitic one?

What are you about?

Is a husband not supposed to provide?

Does a husband who depend on his wife for a clean and warm home also have dependency mindset?

majekdom2:
and this is a reason Africa will remain the poorest continent because they fail to think out of the box in most cases. Being dependent on someone because he is richer does not mean one is out of poverty. Being poor is a state of the mind. Driving a car, living in a house, travelling round the world isn't success if one didn't work for it. There is nothing like working for what you have... this is success to me

How many men are 'rich'?

How many are married? What is the ratio to women?

I don't think we live in the Nigeria.

And traditionally, the husband is to provide with the wife not working on some cases.

How is the wife in this instance supposed to be 'rich'?

troubleseller:
Wait till you are 70 and you are looking for someone to help you bring garri from your kitchen in your one room apartment.

So this is one of things a husband does for a 70yr old woman?

The thread just shows that the average NLer and by extension Nigerian doesn't read to understand, they read to respond.

The woman clearly said that she was talking of advantages of marriage as an institution and not as a relationship.

It is obvious that she is not against 'men/relationship with men' that's why she responded to someone that she was talking about marriage and not relationship with a great guy.

While I disagree with her conclusion because of largerly religious reasons, she has great points.

I would like married women here to share with us if the marriage ceremony changed any flaw their husband had. Or if 'I do' changes a liar/cheat/insensitive brute to a saint.

It is common knowledge that the 'courtship' phase for most relationships is the sweetest part. Afterall, who campaigns after election according to NL?

Anybody who thinks marriage as an institution or ceremony make a man a loving husband should stroll round his/her neighborhood and hear stories.

@dayokanu

delugajackson:
Did she just say that marriage is of no benefit to Nigerian women? Entirely ironic!

A typical Nigerian woman enjoys 101 percent benefit in marriage. Go to some families you will find out that the man is maggi, onion and pepper in the house. The man is paying the rent, the man is paying the children's fees and then still spends on her. Virtually everything is taken care of by the man while all she does is give birth to children by the minute. Worst case, she chats with her friends all day on Facebook and everyother social network. Whoever says Marriage doesn't favor women must be living in utopia and is ignorant of certain realities.

In this same Nigeria or Africa Magic?

Noteasilybroken:
I am already looking inwards from tonight. Thank you very much.

You are welcome.

Just be true to yourself during your soul searching.

Even if it's something you feel 'ashamed' to confide in others or it's not 'politically correct', be true to yourself.

Then you sieve out those against your morals and pursue those aligned with them.

Oga Wale went to defrost himself.

After injection, he will freeze himself again.

Ikan be!

crackhaus:
Have you considered that maybe you just might be taking the statements literally?

I took all her other statements literally; why should I single out these two?

amanze15:
just 35 mins to prepare a tasty food is now a problem in this generation

It doesn't take 35mins to make Jollof rice.

The packaged one is more convenient, less stressful and cheaper.

However,, I won't touch it with a 10' pole.

I rather prepare concoction rice (which u dislike) than eat this.

Noteasilybroken:
Hello Family. I had to create this new moniker as this is personal to me. I got married four years ago but separated from my husband about two years ago because of domestic violence. We had no children in the two years of marriage. I would have started the divorce proceedings but lost my job last year and not so buoyant to get a lawyer. I had everything going on for me. I got a job a year after service and was paid well. Got married at 25. I am 29 now and I feel so sad. I don't know if i should call it depression but I feel sad within my soul. How could everything just crash? How do people have the courage to start over? I have been applying for jobs but nothing has come yet even though I have five years experience. I do not want to break down. I am trying to be strong. I used to be strong and intelligent but I am not sure I can say that now. Please I just need advice from my nairaland family.

Why are you depressed?

Search yourself well.

Is it guilt that you had a hand in the breakdown of your marriage?

Regret that despite your sacrifices it didn't work out?

That you are currently not financially bouyant?

That you are now single?

One evening, just think through yourself truthfully and try to pin point what the issue is.

Then you work towards resolution because if what is eating you up is the fact that you are jobless and you are attending dates in search of another husband, you will still feel depressed and vice versa.

Goodluck and stay strong.

crackhaus:
If your mom is still married to your dad or until his death listen to her. She will save you years of heartache. And she has endured more than you can ever imagine, appreciate her, love on her but don’t let her be the sounding board of your marriage.


Bukatyne, isn't this a good enough summary worthy of note?

Emphasis on the sentences in bold - That can only come from someone with a stable upbringing and no remnants of psychological childhood trauma.

Some weeks ago I made a similar point on one of Kanwulia's threads where I noted that there is absolutely no lesson or mentorship to be received from a divorcee, a baby mama, or someone in her second or third marriage, especially in the area of building a home.

Still supporting my stance on her affinity for enduring.

Assuming that a child would have a stable upbringing because her parents died together is a fallacy.

Infact, her reference to mothers' enduring points to a toxic home.

@last paragraph: Everyone has something to teach; even if it is what you wouldn't do. You are cracking me up! What is the difference between a baby mama and a girl who had/has pre-martial sex? That one was smart enough to use protection, has medical issues or shrewd enough to abort?

What is the difference between a divorcee and a woman cheating on her husband, praying for him to die or soaking her pillow with tears daily? That one was brave enough to walk; that's if her husband did not desert her?

Iman and David before his death were both in their third marriages and stayed married till death did them part.

I am very selective who prays for me; I collect advice solicited and unsolicited from all available quarters and use what works for me.

crackhaus:
How on God's earth are you ladies coming up with this conclusion from that?

He will hurt you, really really damage you...
The interpretation of this sentence going by the context of her post isn't even close to what most of you are upset about.

The sentences that followed in that same paragraph are enough to reveal her state of mind to anyone reading with objectivity.
Well not surprisingly, you were honest enough to admit she made a lot of good points instead of just throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Abeg joor....

He will hurt you, really really damage you kwa?

She's the poster child for them endurance crew.

Our spouses would hurt us; yes. Really hurt us? Maybe. Damage? Nope. Really really damage? I jump and pass.

Also her 'you can never win' shows that her state of mind comes from a defeated POV.

I give her kudos to be married at 17 and work it. Shows she's mature, grounded and able to pursue what she wants.

Well learnt years ago not to do so.

I don't agree with everything people I agree with say/do so it's only natural I don't disagree with everything people disagree with say/do.

Went somewhere the Alufa (Pastor) was telling the story of Adam and Eve like he was a co-creator with God and how the forbidden fruit is actually sex and Adam raping Eve bla bla...

Yet, this Pastor is the first I heard stress the importance of good joint fellowship with God and place of in-laws.

lilmax:
that the Nigerian team are slow learners and cannot decode immediately

ever wondered why we always try our best during the second half? it means we do not study the players during the first 5 minutes but studied them after 45minutes.....na that time na the gra gra go start

but in all they tried though, as for ighalo ,that guy no fit break me ,yakubu has done worst things to me

I am apologizing on Ighalo's behalf.

DynasTee:
Who knows the referee's address?
We must show him today if you doubt me go and ask Maradona on his hospital bed

Hahahahahhahahaha!

Argentina is out O!

Una juju don work!

Rumors has it that she was/is/will be preggers.

All I know is that they joined Chidinma with pregnancy

ekanempatrick28:
dats why in my statement i said a woman like dat i will treat as a queen

Maybe you shouldn't wait until she has gone through a lot from you before treating her like a queen.

Maybe you should treat her like you would want to be treated in the first place so she doesn't have to suffer or endure anything.

Maybe she would be rather treated with respect than treated as a queen as a reward for suffering.

Timewilltell2:
SA women are conditioned for slavery , are you surprised?. That's why they have to work like men to survive . It's pathetic over there.

Well never been there, can't say.

ekanempatrick28:
dont get me wrong all her points are good and a sensible will treat such lady as a queen and spoil her silly but ur fellow lady i dont know wat her problem wit SA women even during or parents times we shouldnt lie our mothers took a lot of pooo

@Bold:

Which is the 'hallmark' of a great marriage.

Is there anything wrong with teaching men to do right by their women?

For me, I do not see marriage has a 'suffering ground'.

Yes, your spouse would hurt you, sometimes it feels like you are carrying most of the weight, you have to be selfless etc. however not a man would damage you, you can't never win bla bla bla.

Of course, a good number of men are conditioned to let women suffer/ see suffering as the hallmark of a good wifehood so it is only right they reward their slaves accordingly.

She has some really good points especially on SM, comparing/competing with friends

Ditto with in-laws/husband's friends not your friends and extreme importance of communication. I like the 'don't assume anything' part.

However, she sounds like the average endurance crew with suffering suffering.

Marriage is not for the selfish sha.

And scary how all the guys are happy with the advice because it teaches women to put up wit their shit.

delly2015:
I have been married for 6yrs with 4children. Each time I and my hubby have a little misunderstanding or arguments, he will always say he will marry another woman and if I like I stay , if I don't like I go. And it has been going on for sometimes. Recently, I've been going through a lot of stress, from house chores to doing school runs. At the end of the day I will be tire and next thing is sleep. Yesterday after all the running around I had a terrible headache which I told him about, but he didn't say anything. At night he came to touch me, I told him again that the headache is getting worse he told me to take paracetamol, which I did. After that I told him I need to rest a bit, he tired getting in there but I pushed him off and pleaded with him to let me rest, he got upset and slept the sitting room. Woke up this morning greeted him, he didn't answer and didn't even asked how I was feeling. He said he won't take that rubbish from me(not giving him s*x) and said he has future plans to marry another woman that won't be giving him excuse for s*x. Am tired of hearing these all the time, I want to quit.[color=#990000][/color]

@delly2015,

It will be well.

I see three issues in your post that I will address:

1. Him telling you that he will marry a second wife: For starters, is he serious or just pulling your legs or just saying it? Have you noticed how her interacts with others when he is angry? For instance, If he tells the kids he will break their heads or sell them or tells his siblings he will disown them or tells people he will deal with them, he will kill them bla bla bla, then it is obvious he is someone who mouths off when angry. Also try and observe his reaction after an argument with someone... if he starts laughing at their annoyance behind them, it could be he is just the type to incite people. What I want to achieve is you deciphering if his threat to marry a second wife is a sign of disrespect or just mouthing off.

2. Chores: You said you have been undergoing stress lately. I want to ask what changed in your routine or household? I would also assume that your husband doesn't help you with chores. Does he have issues with you delegating or getting help? Have you told you that you are stressed? Telling you have headache before sex doesn't count. Also, when you are stressed, or about to be, please pause whatever it is you are doing and rest. Also identify the stressors and control them.

3. Sex: Ghen! ghen!! ghen!!! Sister mi, every other time you can delegate, this you can't and it is soooooooooooo important. I want you to change your mind from it is an additional chore to this is one of the most important ways I want to please my husband and start by taking good care of yourself (please I am not saying your don't). See yourself as a gift to be unwrapped constantly. Make sure that you do not stress yourself to the point that you can't have sex with your husband regularly. Even if you are not satisfied, it is easier to communicate after the deed than saying no.

Goodluck.

dominique:
One ring for each time he cheats on her and she finds out.



He cheats on her a lot and she's aware, just a couple of affairs made news.These athletes are very good in hiding their philandering and pay their hoes big money to keep shut. Shortly before the royal weeding, he was pictured clubbing with some models and drove off with one of them. Since then, they've (David and Victoria) been making public appearances, holding hands and dispelling cheating and divorce rumours. Still doesn't change the fact that he cheats on her steadily.

Is this not foolishness?

It is either she settles it in her that she is married to a serial cheat and they make rules or she divorces hi.

XhosaNostra:
But why do you need that many "engagement" rings?
For me it's a sign that there's trouble in paradise if things have to be renewed/reinvented that many times. Either someone was trying to apologise or each ring is a start-over.

It's really not such a bad idea to divorce if things aren't working out, instead of keeping up appearances. Victoria seems like the type that likes to maintain a certain image, even if what she projects to her peers couldn't be further from the truth. I remember one time she turned down an appearance with her former group members, because apparently that wasn't in line with her life now as a Hollywood socialite.

Each time David metamorphoses, same Victoria gets a new ring.

Abi how else do we explain it?

LaDolceVida:
So the same person proposed fourteen times

My sister, i tire.

i thought she was engaged 14 times before she married David.

Well, different people, different problems.

Hers is obviously how to spend too much money.

And I must say that most of the rings are ugly.

If I wanna spend that kind of money, it must be the finest the world has seen

Forgive, yes

Forget, dependent on the aggrieved party.