₦airaland Forum

Very thoughtful gift.

That girl has that boy stitched on her heart.

HEseesall:
He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

He wants to fully own a house he did not build?

Hmmmm.

You said your husband is a good man; you are the only person with the licence to declare him good so he is.

The next question is 'What did you do to piss off a good husband so much that he wanted you to pack out and when you couldn't, abandoned you in the house?'

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

Snitch how?

They both made profits...

He used his to build for his parents; she used hers to build for both of them.

At best and for the sake of love, she COULD have built in their joint name.

It seems the husband wants the house in HIS NAME so he is able to throw her out if they have issues.

Hanseel1:
Only misogynists feel that cooking is the responsibility of women alone. I guess you're only pretending because I'm a staunch feminist on this platform.

Next time, quote others not me.

I apologize I don't have the rooster of feminists, staunch feminists, feminazis and non/anti-feminists on NL.

Strange how you think I am 'pretending' in my earlier mention.

I am engaging you on this topic, don't care your stance on previous topics.

ShakurM:
Not true obviously, not a country specific thing. What other bargaining power does the average Nigerian lady have again lol? If I learn all that , what are you bringing to the table? I like a woman to cook for me, it's romantic and lovely to me. Same way I like a female nurse.        

Oti o!

You want a cook, romantic and lovely wife who would keep your house and you don't want to provide?

What's your usefulness again?

CHoccolaTE:
Nothing is wrong with her dumping him.
After all she doesn't owe him anything seeing as how he chose to do it on his own volition, she didn't force him.

She owes him nothing.

Aswear,

These NL guys crack me up.

I only hope they are not like this offline or I am in the romance session where everything is twisted.

zicoraads:
The entitlement mentality of some women in this clime is surprising to say the least. And it has become this way because the men have made it so. A lot of them are materialistic, it is nauseating. How many times have you seen a white man buying material gifts for their wives 'for sticking with them when they had nothing?'

If Zuckerberg's wife was a Nigerian, I'm sure she'll want a private jet for 'sticking with him when he was just managing and borrowing money to make sure Facebook is up and running'.

And a lot of men are so dependent on their wives domestically that it is nauseating.

Hope you will take paternity leave to care for your kids (not sit at home to be extra burden o) and will be happy to share the housework because that is what role model Mark does.

Hanseel1:
Why do Nigerians feel the man should always be the one to make it. Wwhen broke ladies are in a relationship ,the person will make it and the ladies will be doing nothing just waiting for the partner to make up so that they'll be regarded as women who stayed.

I stand by my point that only broke people date broke people. You can't be broke and consider dating another broke individual a favor .

How many ladies have even married or purchased a single gift worth as low as 100k for the men who dated them when they were broke?
Or are you and this safarigirl trying to say the rewarding you two are talking about isn't applicable to females?.

Why do Nigerians feel that the women is the one that should always know how to cook, keep the house etc?

Why can't the husband also learn to do so?

Hanseel1:
You owe that person only a “thank you”.

Like I said earlier, purchase gifts because you want to and can afford it not because the lady stayed when you were broke ” . That's bullshît.


You ain't doing anybody a favour by dating him/her irrespective of his /her condition.

Lol.. You had to edit your comment.
I never said they requested for money from me to purchase gifts, did I?
You females are always overly emotional. I've asked you a question you didn't reply; how many females have purchased cars for men who dated them when they were broke?


Seems like the appreciation you're talking about can't be exercised by ladies, huh?

Funny creature.

What do you think about a lady who dumps a man after he trained her through school?

Madam, appeal to your man.

winterfell007:
This strikes a big blow in the hearts of feminist, on one hand, Govt. is trying to encourage mothers bonding with thier child, but if u take a deeper look at it, it shows the productivity of a woman is not as crucial compared to men. Govt can never think of giving that concessions to men for 'father bonding', the economy will be impacted seriously
Please oo!! Before u crucify me, i'm a firm believer in women empowerment

You would have made sense if all the women occupied a certian position or functioned in selected offices.

crackhaus:
A robot would better serve such a wife, not a husband.

Excuse you?

But the husband wants most needs met

Here comes sex dolls and sex kens

Problems solved!

Is there any system on place in Nigeria that bars women from attaining any position in politics?

I remember a woman politician who said her husband drove her to meetings at night.

The real question is: How many Nigerian husbands would support their wife's political ambition?

How many of you on this thread would support your wives if she wanted to be a governor, senator or House of Rep?

How many of you are willing to put your ambitions on the back burner and go all out to support your wives in politics?

Constitutionally, nothing holds women from becoming president if they so desire.

I remember Madam Fresh some years back.

MISEDUCATIONS:
depends on the society you're in.
e.g in Zimbabwe endearments are unheard-of but in SA a cashier can call you "sweetie". now if you're new in SA you'll get the wrong idea. but endearments like "baby" "sweetie" are common in SA society that even between strangers they wont even raise one eye-brow.

You've said it all!

In Nigeria, 'my dear' is a general term to call someone's attention while 'my friend' is used in a degoratory manner. E.g. 'My friend, would you keep quiet?'

We also use 'uncle, aunty, daddy, mummy' for people we are not related to depending on the relationship, age and position.

Woaw! Sweetest sister.

Shows that giving is an attitude and not a function of what we have.

God help us.

MrBrownJay1:
... AND/OR that she would even be ready for marriage at 28.

Very true.

All shades of foolishness!

Your boyfriend asked you not to go the club with a caveat that he will end the relationship with you if you went.

You AGREED NOT to go.

You went, was raped and interestingly expect the guy to take you back after you have been to the club and raped.

Why didn't you call your girlfriends whom you insisted on following to help you?

Why the man whom you should have considered an ex after you went to the club?

Maybe my major grouse is the fact that she was going to a club and not something important.

Simplep:
Some parents sha
Am jst 23 nd mum is already hinting on marriage
Me dat still want to enjoy my singlehood till am 28
Who marriage help?

What will marriage stop you to enjoy?

And life is not maths. Except you have someone you both havery agreed to wait till the next five 5yrs to hit the 28 mark, there is no guarantee that when you are 28, they kind of men you want will still be available.

And if marriage is not useful to you at 23, why the usefulness at 28?

mgtow:
Insightful piece!

Unrealistic expectations have always been the bane of many a relationships/marriages, especially on the part of the woman. This is because their wants are endless.

Generally, men all over the world turn to pudding so far we are provided with good food, sex, respect, appreciation and above all, peace of mind. We are so simple it really should be annoying.

#OkBye

The men will turn to pudding if they appreciate it else they are like the women in the OP.

So where are you going to?

majekdom2:
ashewo work with an impact is better than ashewo work that flies private jet with to tangible impact. Ashewo work who can motivate young ladies to be own businesses and create employment is better than Ashewo work flaunting channel on social media.

So you are fine with ashewo work as long as it has impact?

Well the organizers has decided which 'ashewo work' has impact to them.

daveP:
Any concrete reason(s) why they shouldn't be among?

I will just tag you on my response to someone else.

Guitarlife:
all these retired runs girls.... The poor man is somewhere slaving away to bring in food for his family not knowing the person he paid bride price on is scheming to divorce him based on some kinky desires .

So divorce is this cheap , I can bet my July salary that the poster grew up in Lagos. There is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of most young ladies raised in Lagos.

Because thier parents are always away due to demands of work and traffic I have realised that most ladies raised in Lagos lack the adequate grooming to make good wives and most dont even understand the role of wife and mother.

I am saying exactly what I have realised and noticed and if you grew up in Lagos dont argue with me because you can probably not realise this deficiency, I'd like someone raised somewhere else disprove me.

Goodluck to our young men.

And somehow the young men who are brothers to these ladies who lack martial grooming due to inadequate parental supervision are good husbands materials ba?

If you claim the OP has a twisted mentality of marriage, then you are on the other side of the coin....

One needs to pray hard that one's relatives meet neither of you.

Strange how this deficiency doesn't affect ladies brought out in Abuja, P/H etc.

enabledgoddess:
Both emotional, physical and financial. For example, I used to expect him to automatically know when I'm sad and to guess right and do exactly what I want even when I don't ask. I used to expect him to buy all I say we need without agreeing to wait. If he say wait I just withdraw till I force him to even when not convenient. Physically, for example he often help me take the hanger out to spread my cloth. One day I woke him up to take the hanger out. He said wait let me rest a bit I got sad . but since I have learnt to wait and do what I can do myself and communicate more and expect less and told myself I can be happy. Guess what, we quarrel less and he's seem happier too and the sex have increased because fight has reduced. Lol I used to complain about him not being appreciative, now he appreciates and sends thank you messages from work. Truly, men can't meet all our needs so why hang our happiness to that ?

Thanks a lot for the detailed response.

Three points I picked:

More patience;
Communicating better in plainer terms;
Reducing expectations.

I am sure the patience and waiting part did the most magic and so happy that sex has increased .

See how changing yourself also brought out the 'qualities' you thought he didn't have.

A number of lessons to be learnt.

Good one.

cococandy:
I still think she shouldn’t generalize. I’m an American wife and that doesn’t describe me or any of my friends. However, it is true that there are unappreciative women out there. They are not the majority.

okay



see? Something like this. . Maybe I’m naive for thinking most women would naturally appreciate and bask in the moment of A rather than look out for B-Z. Or maybe because I’ve seen what ingratitude does in a relationship so I appreciate everything I receive. But I don’t believe I’m in the minority. Which is the only problem I have with her post. If she knows a handful or ladies who do this, it doesn’t mean that’s the norm.

this might be true for those who are not used to receiving tenderness from their men. If it happens often, they would know it’s part of their love life. Otherwise, I can see how the rare act of tenderness would evoke suspicion. (that doesn’t make it right) but it makes it understandable.

awesome

I’m sorry I don’t understand what you mean by this.

that’s mature



I agree they are good. I was reading it however and I kept going “that’s not me”, “that’s not me”. So while she has great points, it doesn’t describe most women.

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha at 'American wife'.

The American wife proper will start from your daughter because she is born and brought up there.

You are still looking at Oyinbo things with Nigerian eyes.

Like you said, you saw what ingratitude did to a relationship and made a conscious effort not to be like that.

Well, our men will be able to ascertain if most women are not like that. The customer (husband) determines the value of the (wife). Ditto the wife.

I however agree that most women would not have all the issues... one here, one there.

On a different note: a lot of men complain about not getting sex from their wives so.....

Re understanding: if my husband said 'babe, do this (99.99% cooking)' and put me in a tight corner e.g. ask where someone is, I would do it well (I love food looking and tasting good so my tiredness/reluctance has no effect on it.

His appreciation makes me super duper irritated. A better appreciation would not to put me in a tight spot.

I would also feel this way irrespective of the person.

crackhaus:
Nice one

Some women were not so lucky to figure this out before giving up on their marriages and citing 'irreconcilable differences' as the only reason.

True at the 'irreconcilable differences'

KanwuliaExtra:
I be AMERICAN WIFE?
As an AFRICAN WIFE. . . . . 2 things I can NEVER TRUST ANY MAN WITH ARE MY WALLET ANS MY HEART! I guard both seriously!

There are many dangers with trying to “copy” western marriages. It is easier to meet the needs of a man than a man meeting the needs of a woman. We are not raised in western ways. The concept of relationship and marriage is PURELY CONTRACTUAL in Africa.

In Africa? ? ? WOMAN GO WAIT TAYA KE!
The reason I have CONDITIONED myself not to EXPECT too much. I can NEVER give less than I receive sha!

If he says good morning, I say good morning.
I have learned not to give where I don’t receive!
I way to self-absorbed to look at any man’s face.
I nor get that kain time. I don’t have that “finicky need” to feel special with gifts of “flowers” or “G-Wagon Assurances”!

My emotional bank akkant dey always “GBAGAM” for myself than invest foolishly in NIGERIAN MEN.

I have only dated and married Nigerian men. . . .So I get them formula wella-wella!

No emotional of financial FREEEEEEBIES!
Efry barry. . . . how im own o!

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha at 'African wife'.

I agree sha the concept of needs met and what not is a 'foreign concept' in typical Nigerian marriages.

Husband provide, wife cares for the family and everyone finds their 'fulfilment' in drinks, children, side chics, gossip partners, witchcraft, work, age groups etc.

It is our generation that talks about needs. It is will interesting to study the correlation between 'destruction' (for lack of a better word) of the extended family and growth of unmet 'needs' in marriage.

enabledgoddess:
True talk. I remember when I used to expect my husband to do everything for me;he never always met my expectations and that made me unhappy every time. If something didn't go right, I will say if only you had done this, if only you have bought this , if only I had this . I expected him to do all this. Then I realized he is only a human , prone to fail and has needs too. I began to tell myself to do something by myself and appreciate the ones he can and learn to wait for him to fulfil his promises. I became happier and well mentally. It is dangerous for another human to depend fully on another human. Love is beautiful when we don't expect our happiness from our spouse. After all having all our needs met by our men do not equate happy marriage

Good one.

Want to give vague examples of some needs you are referring to?

crackhaus:
No be only 10 out of 15, why not just 1 out of 15 and the wife should be grateful

Don't you see how you ladies think?

I am sure you meant 11 out of 15.

Who wouldn't be grateful for 11?

Excellento!

Keep it up boy!

Funny thread.

Why does Dangote with his money, influence, kids etc. still in need of a wife?

Why does a 60+ old man who literally have it all looking for a wife?

Cc: crackhaus, mhd5757

vivaciousvivi:
Noted although I beg to differ a bit.
But its all good.

Share your opinion na.

zlantanfan:
I give up honestly, I would rather acknowledge a pepper seller girl with diligence than glorify some gold digging refurbished prostitutes.

No matter what it now seems today ASHAWO NO BE WORK

And the pepper seller might not have done ashewo work to raise capital.

How do you know that the flying Doc did not do ashewo work too?

Or how do you see about eight ladies and assume they all did ashewo work to succeed/start business?