₦airaland Forum

Ewuro4:
Any smart Nigerian lady who lives in Nigeria will be setting herself for big time disappointment if she listens to whatever she says.

Mentally change when you’ve lived here for decades and that’s just the truth. Everything she’s clamouring about aren’t that bad imo but not applicable to Nigerian residents and that’s where they all got it twisted.

I’ve been hand washing my husbands clothes, serve him food and watch him eat regardless what time he comes home, for years now and I live abroad. BUT I’m the decision maker and he wouldn’t want it another way.
So you see it’s subjective, but our sisters get it all twisted believing and applying her doctrines to theirs.

Ewuro

@bold:

I agree that Chiamanda is everywhere however, I don't think I have heard Chiamanda speak about domestic life as in don't wash your husband's clothes etc.

It is also not about location, some NID are more 'crude' than your guy living in Igbo Ora village.

The more I read and study cultures, the more I am convinced that we are almost similar.

MissCokie:

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Chimamanda Adichi wrong misconception of feminism is like a dangerous venom to the rising of African young girls.

---

1. Chimamanda Adichie is married , living happily in a home structured with bright futures for herself and her children. But she has chosen to set other African girls on bound-age and endless blindness to the implications of misunderstanding the actual concept of

2. The wrongful ideas about feminism has really eaten deep into the brain of the African girl child, and she has accepted that a man is equal to a woman, therefore she is free to act like a man, work like a man, and be like a man. Whereby the actual program is for her to be a woman and remain a woman.

3. In few years to come, Africa would be filled with single African girls spending endless night in churches and mosque praying for a husband to come their way.

I removed the paragraphs I do not need hence the shorter quotes.

1. Has Chiamanda ever spoken against marriage?

2. Care to explain how a man is not equal to a woman with examples of what a woman shouldn't be doing?

3. Women have always prayed for husbands so maybe the future is here.

crackhaus:
Honestly, I believe I was one of the few Messi fans who was happy when he wasted that penalty kick. I didn't even know I was this patriotic to my country.

How market?

To think that we were permutating to ensure that Nigeria had a fighting chance.

Our juju nor reach their own.

We helped an acclaimed better team beat us. They didn't even score a goal by thenselves.

Their goalie also didn't catch any shot throughout the match.

Chai!

Anyways we have two fashion awards under our belt.

crackhaus:
Exactly.

It is true na.

We are not privy to the genesis.

I was surprised when I read that it had to do with knighthood not even romance or expected of all men.

The populace just adopted it as aspiring to be knights at least in their own sphere of influence.

And the match is ovvvvveeeeeeer!

A draw!

Woaw!

Greater fighting chance for Nigeria.

@souqwaqif:

Oye refute keepingmum's posts.

JupiterGeekVII:
You really shouldn't have to be telling her to pick up your phone calls. She doesn't pick up the calls because she doesn't want to and the excuses she makes are just that - excuses. Are you on good terms with each other? The next time you're able to reach her on the phone, ask her what the problem is, communicate your own feelings of loneliness, then work out a calling schedule with her _ so you can be calling her & the kids together at convenient times for all of you.

Very true.

Especially for a woman who's not with her husband.

Malawian:
Arguments could be made for or against. My own is, why is it okay for Yoruba Nigerian to ask Igbo Nigerians to go back to your region, and not an American asking a Nigerian to go back to her country

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha

Hmmmmmmmmm

Chiamanda making an issue of their chivalry system (what's left of it) is akin to an American speaking against women kneeling to greet their husbands.

A native who is familiar with the genesis of the culture is best suited to speak against it.

I always associated chivalry to women as weakness (i have no issues with chivalry) so after her interview on Chivalry, I went back to dig and interestingly, it was said that it was a code of conduct expected from knights and fine-tuned by Christianity/the Church (organization).

To be honest, some chivalry acts called romantic are stemmed from perceiving the woman as physically weaker.... placing her on the innermost side of the road, giving her your coat when cold, opening the car doors, drawing out a chair etc.

This perceived physical weakness hasn't stopped same man from expecting dinner when they both return from work or handling chores when they both have busy lifestyles.

One wedding photograper explained the gesture of moving wives to the left of the husband after the joining as the man should place his wife at his left hand side to shield her while the right hand is free to defend her. Others have interpreted it as symbolizing a wife's submission/inferiority to the husband. Samething, same gesture, different meaning.

@ Cinderella stories, well, they depict the traditional roles which people still expect today without the perks of the rich husband and woman staying at home.

As for her passiveness, domesticity and patience. .... are all virtues women all over are still expected to have.

Chiamanda just take a break do it doesn't become a case of empty barrels make the most noise.

When you have something to opine about everythin, our opinions would start to count for little even when they are weighty.

graciella:
Must he talk?? If he says he is done with Tonto, Why is he doing this?? Ehn?!

Unfortunately, Andre is his son and no matter how done he is with Tonto, he will keep doing this.

Tonto's irrational behaviour is subtly marring her son for life.

Today, someone dresses as mommy with long hair and attends mommy's day....

Tomorrow, same person dresses as daddy to daddy's day.

Would you be surprised if next tomorrow he is gay because anybody can be mommy or daddy? Do you know that other kids are exposed to her and if theit parents' influence is not strong enough, there will be a ripple effect of kids who think anyone can be mommy or daddy.

Tiwa is also a single parent and she is always shows up as JamJam's mommy..

Tonto's family better talk to her.

The invitation is clearly for fathers and if Churchill couldn't/decided not to be available, she could have enlisted one of his relatives or her own male relatives to stand in.

She is painting a distorted view to the boy and he would soon start to wonder why he is different and mom shows up for daddy bonding.

I am sure that not all the fathers available for such stuff are in good marriages/still married to their spouses.

daryoor:
Logical father. Sensible family.




Weak daughter though

Weak daughter how?

She made only one mistake; get pregnant out of wedlock for a child.

If I am not mistaken, she was legally married to a solider who unfortunately died in duty.


Good father.

Mindfulness:
We have always found common ground despite your inclination for conservatism and my inclination for liberalism.

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha

Will say I am liberal conservationist

How are you and family?

postmann:
Women are meant to do most of the house chores and men are expected to rake in most of the finance for the family upkeep. This is a biologically and physiologically backed gender categorized roles.

Statistics have proven men are 5 times more likely to cheat when their partners are the major breadwinners and it is partly because they find such women less attractive.

On the other hand it has been proven that men who do more house chores engage less in sex and their women find then less attractive.

When humans abuse nature, they can't escape the consequences.

There are lots of men who are the breadwinners, paying most/all the bills in the home and are happy and fulfilled doing it.

You are making my case for me.

In theory, (practical life is much more complex) women are to do chores and men are to finance the home.

Shouldn't it occur to anyone that it would be natural for a woman to feel 'bitter' when she is financing the home because she is expected to do the chores + finance the home?

Why do people behave as if the 'bitterness' is a vice especially when the husband is still traditionally inclined?

On the flip side, would a husband be happy picking up most of the domestic work after financing the home?

crackhaus:
This is still a vague response.
How exactly will a man have to commit adultery by marrying more wives?

I think I understand where you're heading to, but I need you to type it yourself so we can then make the conversation about your thought process.


In a court of law and in the sphere of logic, silence cannot be proven to be consent.


In the court of personal opinion and within the sphere of emotions, then you would be right to see it as consent.

That said, the burden of proof rests on me as the one whose silence can be explained by no one else except me.

Na real you know where I am heading to:

To marry another spouse, you need to cross the boundary of allowed emotional and physical intimacy to do so.

In a court of law, you would be an accomplice if you do not report a crime to the authorities.

postmann:
Women don't generally go into relationships with the expectation they'll be doing MOST of the financial spending. Be it societal expectations or biological conditioning, they far more proud and comfortable with a man who meets majority of their financial needs.

Women generally can't cope with work related stress and domestic obligation without feeling stressed, fatigued and unhappy.

Thanks

They do not go into relationship with the expectation they'll be doing MOST of the financial spending BECAUSE they are expected to handle the domestic turf.

@Bold: Show me a man who would be happy handling work stress and finance while he has a wife then I would agree it is a woman thing ELSE, it is a human thing. If there is a delegation of duties, nobody will be happy doing every body's job.

Now, the above is theory.

In practical, it doesn't work that way.

crackhaus:
There has been no thread where I praised adultery either. Perhaps what I'm guilty of is taking a stance of silence on the subject.

A fellow man like me who believes it's okay to cheat will be cheating on his own wife - It's only if my wife believes that it is okay to cheat, only then will she be cheating on me. Get it right.


What exactly do you mean by 'the process of marriage to another woman makes the polygamist adulterous'?

@ Bold: I clearly stated that it was not to you (personal) so subsequent you's were third person.

A man has to commit adultery to marry a second/nth wife. If it is still a sin after he has married her in the culturally acceptable way is another discussion.

@Silence: It is consent you know. When we don't speak up especially because we do not want to go against the trend or flow, we are equally guilty.

postmann:
Simple! Empirical observation, verifiable stats.

You haven't said anything.

All the women you observed/ engaged, why did they have issues handling most of the finances?

crackhaus:
They know it deep down too, but trust my Naija women to take it as an insult.

You tell them how impractical it is for them to be married to multiple men, and their default response will be to prove they can, for no other reason than men do it.

Everything is a damn competition with these ladies.. lol.

This is the first thread I have seen you condemn adultery by the men.

Interestingly, the process of marriage to another woman makes the polygamist adulterous.

Not to you: I wonder why some men are bemoaning the influx of 'whores' as houeswives.

If everyone (men & women) embrace faithfulness, we would have less cheats.

It is a fellow man like you who believes that's OK to cheat that will sleep with your wife.

Mindfulness:
I believe in honesty, loyalty and trust. That's me. I don't cheat and I don't tolerate such. If you want an open marriage, communicate it openly. If your partner agrees, fine. If not, move on or stay faithful. I do not invest any energy in lies and cover ups.

Totally agree with you.

postmann:
A man who marries a richer woman has a lot of questions to answer...

And why should any sensible man do that? The stats even in the so called civilized countries are painting doom and gloom for such a man and the union.

And the woman themselves never feel fulfilled with a lesser earning husband. A lot of them experience "status leakage" No woman wants a toy boy

Women basically don't have such a large heart as men do -- to be the primary breadwinner or a co-contributor and be happy at it like a man would.

@last paragraph, why do you think so?

Jaytecq:
what if He has

Well,

Ideally, an annulment means that the marriage has not been consummated... they have not had sex.

As for sex before the marriage, I don't know.

Jaytecq:
Your wife has no womb

Then they can annul the marriage based on false pretenses esp. if he hasn't slept with her.

PearlStreet:
Have you ever seen a picture of a slave not crying when being sold into slavery?

Modern marriage is a scam. I usually advice guys not to do Court wedding. Without court wedding, your rights as a man are protected. If you dare enter. arriage Registry for wedding, you're finished.

Do Trad wedding and take your wife home to care for her. If she misbehaves, you treat her just how our ancestors treated errant wives.

Interesting.

So it is man/woman always?

How are errant husbands treated?

HungerBAD:
Losing his freedom.

And the wife did not lose hers?

babeosisi:
She is a business woman

Biko permit me to laugh.

She and Beyonce are in the same boat. J-Lo is joinin them too. Stumbled on one of her latest songs 'Dinero' and I shook my head... How the mighty has fallen. A whole J-Lo behaving like a video vixen.

I read one of Beyonce's speeches and she sounded daft (no offence).

I will even take Kim Kardashian seriously over both of them. She and her clan don't claim to be feminists and they conduct their business and grow their empires without noise.

Truckpusher:
Fine one brother , I remembered the day I opined that women in developing countries get more from marriages than they give compared to their Western counterpart I was nearly lynched online.

Most women in this part of the world depend on men for their daily survival. Not because they can't work or achieve things by themselves but the general outlook of the economy and lack of opportunities is a factor that contributes immensely to it , but however the truth must be told.

In this same Nigeria?

oxygenlove:
just few u mean?

You might not have access to the companies;

Just enter all the markets around you and count the number of women there.

Next check all the small kiosk and tell me number of women you see.

Next count the amount of caterers, hair dressers, tailors and cleaners you know.

Then come back to me.

majekdom2:
but a Benz is not equal Toyota. Benz is equal to Benz. Benz is unique in its own way same is Toyota. Y=Y. Y can never be equal to X without some complement like mx+c. The complement is what we look for in our partners. We are never equal because we are unique in our own ways. However, key things is helping each other convert weaknesses to strengths. It’s a delusional thought to think equality can exist without complements. That’s the message the OP is passing. What is getting scarce by the day is true love and the concept of feminism is not helping matters especially in Africa.

Except you are on another thread, or referring to a different OP, you jeep helping her interpret what she is saying.

Every post of hers states what she is saying clearly.

Don't be her spokesman.

majekdom2:
that’s because of the society you have found yourself. A society where mediocrity is put before meritocracy. Feminism can’t survive in such society. Feminism should be the least concept to be embraced in such society. The societies that have promoted and funded feminism are in love with meritocracy and hate mediocrity...... male and female. It’s aneasy cause for them. Everyone is assessed based on results. You see why I said, Africans should fight poverty and medicroty first then embrace this concept. Feminism in Africa should be about education and some basic needs being provided For instance, sanitary pads should be free for women's

Why should sanitary pad be free?

majekdom2:
una go just dey talk rubbish. America never voted , then who voted. You think it is Nigeria. Go to America and ask who the real Americans are. They will tell you they are not the ones that make noise on social media.

@bold:

Very true.

majekdom2:
there is no equlity anywhere rather we are complement to each other. If you want equality then you should have a dick somewhere in your body and a man should have a breast! If there was something like equality Africa won’t be where it is. Can you solve the equation y=x. No. It’s either y= mx+c or a+b^2+c=0 or some simulataneous equation. This is to tell you we are complements to be equal! Take this mindset off. Seek for love respect and openness not equality.

Did you read my post in context before responding? I don't think so

MissCokie:
At the bolded sir. Well said and written perfectly. A feminist should pick up spanner and slide under a car for repairs and see the pain the male folks go through.

Pay for rent, food, house keeping, shopping, etc for 6months and tell me how far?.

Feminism and feminist should better be greatful, they're placed on the soft side of nature, whereby the men are privatized to Carter for the needs of women.

Ha this girl

Close your laptop, run along and take a survey of how many working married men sit pretty while their husbands pay for rent, food and carry the financial burden of the home.

Then re-read your thread/points and see of they make sense.

If you have issues with slay mamas earning 50k and who think they are entitled to have weaves of 300k, Samsung S9+ and travel round the world, call me let's bash them together.

Stop generalizing for all women and saying women have it easier, they all cannot change spanners, they all cannot do this/that.

It is an insult.

And stop running around these single boys who do not know where their next garri will come from and have no inkling about the workings of marriage.

Sit down with responsible married men and women to learn.