₦airaland Forum

TonyeBarcanista:
1. I am glad this is coming from a Lady. You now understand the importance of traditional way of running the home, isn't it?


2. Personally, I rather provide for my family no matter how little than to depend on my wife no matter how much.. I need not place my wife under unnecessary burden. It is "unmanly'

1. I had to quickly scan your profile and saw the wife not cook thread. I haven't said my preference. I am quoting crackhaus who refers to wives in the traditional setting as leeches...

2. Good that you know what you want. May it work for you.

pencil143:
seems like you don't need part 11?

Pencil! I have eraser o.....

What sef? Oya give me the next number...

You think you are smart

crackhaus:
So now you 'modern' women prefer the traditional setup?

I'm lost.

You're obviously lost.

I haven't mentioned my preferences and I am not the spokeswoman for 'modern' women.

You still have not answered me.... what is the duty of a husband traditionally?

The parents who attended the wedding and saw the girl visibly shaken are sick!

The man who married her is also sick; ditto his cousin.

Land of mentally sick people.

Viking007:
Me I've stopped requesting. When he's ready to post, he will post.

Lol!

pencil143:
before nko? I deserve it nah... *winks*

You really do, it's a nice story.

So where is part 12?

crackhaus:
Even with the high number of men married to or dating leeches in the form of women, there is hardly any complaining about carrying all the responsibilities.

Welcome to the world of men married to women(leeches) like your husband, now you finally understand what it means to be a man even though you're a woman.
You have two choices now: either you put up or shut up.
No stranger here can help you decide something as delicate as this.

Please refresh my memory... what is the duty/role of a husband in a traditional setup?

@enuk80:

I am sorry that our 'Nigerian' girls have done you strong thing & you are currently hurting.

I have a request: please love your wife like this... & don't let this experience scar you later.

montezz:
Op no dey disappoint.
Every single nugget is full of wisdom.
Thanks op for sharing this.

Thanks a lot.

Glad you enjoyed the thread.

Vorpal:
The Living Oracle.

Ego isn't much of a man, a man is as great as he is unencumbered from his ego.

Who you marry can make all the difference in your life, no time is as important as that time in your life of being wise.

Very strong words.

pencil143:
THE MISTAKE OF MY LIFE
PART 9
I headed into the darkness of the
night.I was filled with fear as i
knew not where to go.Ona gave
me her telephone number.I
blamed my parents for
abandoning me in the first
place.How could they be so
heartless.They care not about
what happens to me because i
got pregnant.Despite the fact
that i pleaded and begged them.I
pitied other people who were
blessed with understanding
parents.If i had aborted the baby
as Nnamdi told me,they wouldnt
have abandoned me.They
wouldnt have even know i was
pregnant at all.But the
consequences may be
disastrous.Firstly,sinning against
God double inorder to cover one
sin committed.Secondly,i may
never get pregnant again.
I decided to accept my fate.I
searched for where to lay my
head that night.I saw an
uncompleted building and
moved in.I prayed earnestly for
God's protection.I remembered
my daughter and wept bitterly.I
thought of mama joy and
concluded that i will narate my
ordeals to her the following day
when i eventually find her.
In the middle of that same night,i
heard footsteps.I curled
up,listening attentively.They were
coming into the uncompleted
building.My heart started beating
faster,i heard their voice,they
were men.A cold shiver ran
through me.
Then entered and saw
me,immediately,i saw them bring
out their weapons.Guns,axes and
cutlasses.They were six in
number.I was able to count them
because one of them shone a
little torch towards me.
"i mean no harm please.dont kill
me"my voice was shaky.
"Who are you and what do you
want here?"One of them barked
and pointed the torch at my face.
"Nneoma?"I was shocked as i
heard him call my name.He called
me again."Is that you?" At this i
nodded while still looking at his
face to find out who he was.I
finally got it.
"Prince"I called him.Prince used
to be my classmate until i got
pregnant and stopped school.I
used to help him his class work
and assignment back in those
days.During exams,i wrote
answers in piece of
paper,squeezed it and threw it to
him.
"Dagger,you know her?"that was
the question his members
started asking him.I kept looking
at his face in disbelief as he
nodded his head in
affirmation.He told them to keep
back their weapons.
That night i slept at his place.He
told me to sleep on the bed
while,he slept on the floor.
When it was morning,i narrated
my ordeals to him. When i got to
my escapade with mady,he
breathed heavily,lowered his
head and looked at me for a very
long time.I was suprised when
he told me that he's mady's
agent and that he can help me
get back my daughter because of
the things i did for him back in
school.
There was a knock on the door.is
it mady? Has she discovered that
i escaped.has she come to tell
prince to find me with his men?
she knew she would be in
trouble if i escape.
Prince hid me under his bed as
he went to open the door.
KINDLY REQUEST FOR PART 10

You this OP sef.... must we request?

You know the story is sweet and want your head to swell.

Oya naw, chapter/part/episode 10.

Acidosis:
I still don't understand the uproar from the women folk.

The attack on the OP is unjustifiable.

A lot of men are alive to their responsibilities when it comes to taking care of their wives. Child birth isn't even enough reasons for these complaints. No sane man in this current dispensation will purposely demand dozens of kids. A lot men, including me, are OK with 2.. That's a significant shift from what obtained 20-30 years ago.

I don't think that's too much to attract the complaints. Many men only get tired when women fail to keep up with the fake live they lived while dating. If makeup is what got your husband's attention, better be ready to continue. One or two children shouldn't stop you from making up.

Most of the time, it is not always about LOOKS. Petty things like adoration, respect, attention can CHARM a man forever. That's the point OP tried to make. It's an all encompassing strategy to make your husband love you forever.

I'm not unaware of the fact that men must respect their bodies and stay true to their wives. But this thread isn't about men. I'm also not unaware that after all these, some men will go all the way to commit adultery. That's the sad reality that confronts us today, but then again, cheating cuts across both gender.

Open a thread aND tell women what you think makes a man tick so the home sweet.... interesting

Open a thread and tell women what you think makes a man tick so he won't run after mistresses/ you won't have competition . ... then you are looking for uproar.

Acidosis:
Hmm, the rest can be trashed for a moment. A time will come when reality will strike the comical couple.

The dude even waited for 7 years+ before addressing her wife's anger issues? (they have a 6 year old daughter).


What a story.

How long is 7yrs?

You don't see a lot of peeps on/offline complain about a spouse's habit 10yrs into the marriage?

Maybe things got to a head for the husband.

Awwwwwww!

Sweet story

I learnt something sha

However, what happened to all these revelation before marriage? (Even if it's just summary?)

Are Nigerian men so bad that our sisters have given up?

Forget Nairaland, there are plenty sweet brothers outside who can love/ currently loves their wives this much.

Vorpal:
You mean the living oracle

You said:

She basically confirmed what the "living oracle" that birthe me have always told me

and I assumed you were referring to your mom as per 'birthe'

So who is the living oracle?

Dfinex:
hmmm.....babe I did not just enjoy it, I was challenged ... that's a serious food for thought and for conscious awakening.....i just wish we have more of such women and mothers who can stand by we the younger women and tell us that it's not all about the pancake and Mary k we rub on our faces, but about content, strength and character development and every other thing we need to catapult us to the highest heights ...

Well, what if it is all about pancake and Mary K for some women?

What if some men don't want their wives to be more than a porcelain figure in their homes?

Mrs. Awosika really did well.

Vorpal:
Iro le pa se! mo ye danu!

Yes I did really enjoy the thread,even though am not a female it feels good to see the view of a man through the lens of a successful woman of her kind.

She basically confirmed what the "living oracle" that birthe me have always told me.

Iro wo? Kinni itumo post akoko lori thread yi?

Interesting. What did your mom say?

firstking01:
Seems this sun no reach your side

Which sun my brother?

My side of Lagos is cold.

This was an extract of a comment by a moniker named Cletus from a blog called 'The Federalist' on a topic:

A long time ago I knew a "power" couple". He was an engineer and she was self employed. Both were driven self starters, both made lots of money, both were very intelligent, and both were extremely miserable. They fought all the time, they found no peace, their kids were emotional messes, and they were headed for divorce. While they largely blamed each other for so much, they were also blaming everything and everyone in the world for there was no justice or fairness anywhere. It became so bad that their job performance started to suffer.
>
They finally went to a Christian counselor and after a year or so of arguing, finger pointing, and failure, the counselor convinced then to try something new. He got them to understand that men and women are fundamentally different. While everyone is individually different, men tend to do better as the provider and decision makers because they can divorce emotion from their decisions to make them better. Men also tend to be better disciplinarians, but are often terrible at nurturing and many other issues important to satisfying the emotional needs of children. Women, on the other hand, typically were far better at teaching and nurturing, running a household, raising kids and so forth, but they were weaker in making difficult decisions and dealing with being a provider.
>
What the counselor accomplished was to get them to realize that where women are weak, men are strong, and where men are weak, women are strong. By refusing to acknowledge these fundamental differences, they were working at cross purposes and failing so he convinced them to try adopting a more traditional role of married couples. She stayed at home to take care of the kids and the home front while he went to work and took care of the big picture stuff. She was encouraged to stop question all of his decisions and he was encouraged to stop interfering with the running of the house and child rearing. For the first 4-6 weeks, things got worse and then, suddenly, things changed. She discovered that she actually liked her new role and once she stopped second guessing and arguing every decision her husband made, their relationship blossomed. He, likewise, became less defensive, less angry, and more trusting in how she ran the house and nurtured the kids. Today they are a strong and very happy couple with healthy kids. Now they deeply love and respect each other.



I decided to bring this here because I have observed that while anti-feminists (right wingers) disparate modern feminists (left wingers) for telling women that their worth is tied to work/earning, they are equally doing same: Telling women not to work, stay home fully, work part time bla bla.

Neither party seems to understand the place of women who actually want to work/earn/build careers. The comment above perfectly illustrates this.... what if the woman still wanted to work? Was the consellor assuming all wives want to stay at home?

cococandy:
Baby girl turned one and we invited some friends to come celebrate with her.
Everything but the fruit tray and kids crackers made by me.
Mmm hmm.

Was tired af. Afterwards. But it was worth it.

Congrats to her

Many more years of God's blessings and His wisdom for you her parents to train her.

It is well with her

GreenPlumes:
I have a very strong, brand-new bike. My employer has two cars. But whenever he wants to beat traffic on his way to a very important meeting or transaction, he would fuel my bike, and ask me to transport him.

Because of this, he feels his fuel is inside my bike, and would ask me anytime to take him out without refueling until whenever he thinks his fuel might have been exhausted. This is affecting me, as he uses more fuel than he buys, not to talk of wear and tear on, and depreciation of my bike.

How do I confront him politely?

Read this post over and over again....

dahmie2013:
Op, I will advice u don't allow ur employer get d msg. U're even lucky he is fuelling it, some won't even do dat. If dat is d sacrifice u have a make 2 keep ur job, till u get anoda one, den so be it. Remember all these meetings are 2wards d growth & devt of d coy. It is also 2 ensure d payment of ur salary.

When u leave, dis act of kindness is what u will be remembered 4. As employees, we shudnt always be looking 4 what 2 take, but also how we can contribute 2 show some appreciatn 2 some individuals who decided 2 take d risks we cudnt.

If I were in ur shoes, I won't see it as taking advantage, but my own contributn 2 d company.

I know some places where d staff come 2 work on Saturdays, yet no overtime payment & dey work with so much gladness of heart.

May God give u d wisdom 2 make d right choice, cos I can imagine his expression or how he will fill d moment he gets d msg, u automatically enter his black book.
It is well!

You are sowing a seed that will never die; this is how the Otedolas and Adenugas of this world became great. If that boss of yours is focused and becomes great, do you think he will forget his bike buddy?

Vorpal:
I will not bite that bait!

What bait?

You brought feminism negatively to this thread.

I should be the one 'not' biting the bait.

Well glad you enjoyed the thread.

Vorpal:
Yet no single word of feminism was made mention of.

Cc 1bkaye.......whats your opinion concerning Mrs Awosika particularly on the first two sub-topics.

I think this deserves to make front page its a very useful topic to our females.

CcRoyalroy

Is it compulsory she mentions feminism?

If you want to know her take, you can ask her.

Dfinex:
wise words from Madam Ibukun.........

working assiduously to get to the pinnacle and become a source of inspiration to the next generation just like the chairman.

English plenty!

Glad you enjoyed it.

MerryMonody:
This is a big problem we are having, Nigerians thinking silence means consent. No it does not. This was a big issue of contention in western colleges and led to the No means No, Yes means Yes policies. If you are attempting to make sexual advances towards a girl, make sure she verbally and very frankly agrees to it. Do not rest on the "she did not scream" argument. That is outdated.

Silence actually means consent.... It is a proverb.

Not referring this particular case anyways

Nic3:
Still the same my sister.... but am trying to be fine

Hi Nic3,

I believe you should try Efemena's advice. I learnt from experience years ago that most people (esp. those boarding you) do not appreciate you breezing out of nowhere with your new 'fancy' ideas esp. if you 'seem'/'are' above them or have a perceived edge.

Imagine, you breeze in from 'nowhere' & start cooking with stove/gas; you don't invite them to try it for their convenience, you don't decide to join them with the firewood sometimes...

You are eating your cake & having it....

Living privately and doing things as you like without fully supporting your life financially. You gave up the luxury of doing all things as you like when you married into the family house.

They are getting along with your BIL & his wife because they have adapted to living with your parents in law, integrated to their way of life and became a relief for them.

I also think you should also do more chores like washing their clothes, sweep the compound etc. occassionally without being told

Are they jealous of you? Maybe.... however, her advice will go a long way to make you enjoy your stay more.

Also ask your parents esp. Mom if she also went through this process to glean nuggets from her.

You will be fine.

Funny thread.

Since the days of Adam, people have & will continue to do whatever they deem fit @ their private homes.

If two people who courted & got married can still allow external influences in their homes, na OYO be that.

Everyone pick what suits you.

Enough of A sitting on his/hee high horse and telling every other person what is right or wrong.

@OYOGREAT:

Are you implying that men are simpletons who cannot make concrete decisions?

LOL! @ competition from mistress.

greatgod2012:
@op, thanks for sharing!

Honestly, all women need to read this!

You are welcome.

baby124:
Very sound advice...

Thanks

What's your favorite part?

Nitefury:
Hahahahaha.... lailai.. She'll rather see it as me being spiteful..



She's the type that prefers to buy people's loyalty rather than be fair or treat them right. Most staff of our business partners are so used to the "cuts" she gives them that it becomes a problem for them to do their duties when it's not forth coming especially when I'm representing the company and insist things be done accordingly in her absence.

About delegating duties, forget it.. She believes she knows and must partake in everything including telling the driver when to "overtake" on a dual carriage way rather than allow the man do his job.

If you give a suggestion or have a contrary view to hers, no matter her sound your argument is, she shouts you down and reminds you "It's my dream, I started the company bla bla bla". Severally the company has lost money just because she wanted to prove a point by sticking to her way.

What a sad stuff.

At least, you have first hand experience on what NOT to do when you have your own business.

Gaborone:
Noted to my mind. Lol

Of course I was thanking you both. That's why I used 'MA', to indicate the plural of 'ma'.

On a serious note though, thanks. Every line you pasted up there carried golden nuggets.

I see you.....

You are welcome. Was trying to find out more about her, came across Stephanie's blog and decided to share.

Such nuggets especially female oriented (blending the home & work) doesn't come often.