₦airaland Forum

MRBrownJ:
shouldnt you instead say that a woman shouldnt stay married to her husband if she desire to have sex with another man?! OR BETTER YET, if a wife cannot stand by the marriages vows/laws she took, she can get the hell out this marriage?!

the REVERSE way you look at such issue (in order to solely blame this man) is so wrong. i guess, the only person who is responsible for what happened is the husband, right?

Mr. Brown,

We are not discussing adultery here; we are discussing if death (at the hands of the spouse) is a deserving consequence of adultery.

And I 100% agree with you that a woman/man shouldn't stay married if they desire to have other partners. I also believe someone who cheats when the other partner errs is indirectly saying they are done with the marriage.

This now leads to other questions...

1. Is sex = love
2. Do people who cheat no longer interested in their marriages?

nnamdibig:
Am not in anyway supporting domestic violence.

Ok

nnamdibig:
But in regards to your statement
"A wife has the right to cheat, the husband had the right to divorce her."

I still stand by that. A husband cannot hold the wife's pvssy from sleeping with another man. If her husband cannot take it, he can send her packing aka divorce her.

nnamdibig:
Let me sound very African, if the wife cheats & the husband divorces her, will the wife refund her bride price & all that was spent in making her a wife or will she still claim damages??
Before a wife cheats, she should be mindful of huge amount paid on her head as bride price and all the statements coming from her parents & kinsmen that she is the best of the best and the rest. And all the complements given to the husband that he has just paid for the best wife in town. When you hear this kind of things, your family has already created the impression that they are selling you off to the man. And when the man start seeing it that he paid huge sum of money on her head. That's when the problem starts, He will start giving orders to the goods & commodities he payed for.

So the issue is not the adultery but the fact that the wife was bought eons ago & the husband's investment has gone down the drain?

If the man kills the adulterous wife, does it return his bride price to him? Does it change the fact that the goods he bought did not serve him well? Does the jail term he serves compensate for the bad investment?

If a man feels the bride price is the problem, he can go to his wife's kinsmen and ask for a refund; I hear some customs return bride price as a sign of divorce.

Is a wife free to kill her cheating husband? [size=2pt]I guess African culture doesn't recognize cheating husbands[/size]

Acidosis:
No, I am only opposing OP's stance that a woman can freely cheat on her husband, and walk away after the act..

What should the husband do? Kill her?

Acidosis:
Can a man also cheat on her wife, and walk away?

Are you honestly asking this question? In Nigeria?

Acidosis:
Before they cheat, they should find good reasons to depart.

I agree

Adaeze003:
After all these, someone will still tell me that women are emotional and men logical

I'm not smiling because a woman was beat to death btw but I think the word "logic" needs to be redefined...

Logic my sister clearly needs to be re-defined.

If an average Nigerian wife murders her cheating husband, how many husbands will be left?

Acidosis:
You want to cheat, and also want to walk out of the marriage freely?

Can you walk out of a contract agreement freely after being paid?

While you do have a great message against abuse, your overall aim is totally poor! If you want to cheat, ask for a divorce. Do not call for a divorce after the act, preach from now till forever, only a few (1 out of 10,000) would leave without injuries.

You support wives cutting the dikks /pouring hot water & acid /maiming /killing cheating husbands?

Resurgence:
What sort of wickedness is this.

You should always let people who have no chance with you know immediately.

Why do you keep having dinner with him and telling him you think he is a play boy.

You keep encouraging him. The moment you noticed how he felt you should have withdrawn a little.

This is unfair, playing around with someone feeling as such. Tell him immediately how you feel. If he wants to remain friends it's his choice but stop giving him mixed signals

On point.

@OP:

I do not know what you mean by 'love' but that man sounds like a good husband material.

MRBrownJ:
sadly, everyone has the right to do what they please while facing being wronged, and if that act is against the law then they should be punished for their act. is killing your cheating wife right? hell no, just like cheating on a partner equally isnt. the minute a person does something wrong, it creates a situation where ANYTHING can happen, depending on whoever is at the receiving end... some just walk away and divorce, some get revenge, and others kill. if this is the 1st time you heard about a cheated person killing their partner then "welcome to the real world"... happens very often.

Stories of people killing cheating spouses is not strange and not acceptable.

On a flip side, is a cheating spouse worth ending your life for?

This is pure comedy.

The OP is wasting his talent.

olisasegun:
Maybe, she believed her ex will come back to beg. So she waited until..... Thinking she doesn't have to do anything until then.

Since the ex didn't come back, why didn't she move on?

fem29:
To be honest as far as I am concerned a wife really should never ever ever conceive of cheating due to the fact that she may end up giving someone else's baby to her hubby. Very wrong. I honestly believe it is worse for a wife to cheat and I would support any man who divorces his wife due to cheating and this is whether he has cheated or not.

BUT never ever ever in his life should violence be used. If you caught her cheating call her mother and father immediately and inform them of what happened. Divorce her immediately!. DO NOT HIT HER. DO NOT KILL HER. If you do, you are a beast and you deserve to spend the rest of your life in jail or killed by firing squad!

What is the difference BTW a husband and wife cheating (apart from the child stuff)?

MRBrownJ:
again, i am simply saying that cheating (which is WRONG) makes many men OR women kill their partner as revenge (which is also WRONG).... therefore anyone cheating should be aware that death could be the outcome, at the hand of their deranged partner.

nobody should expect their partner to be "ok" when they learn about any wrong act, and instead they should accept whatever that deranged person would do as CONSEQUENCES of that wrong action.

Nobody has the right to revenge via death.

There are consequences of cheating & death (through the spouse) is not one of them.

fem29:
Bukatyne see me see wahala oo. I was going to reply her but I could not even construct the words. Like really? A woman should be beaten or killed because she cheated?. Lord have mercy

Na real mercy my sister.

If a woman cheats and you can't take it, send her or yourself packing.

Na by force?

olisasegun:
Most times I find difficult to believe, the extent some women go to prove they are not inferior in a relationship, despite the fact that nobody ever says they are.

1. What did your friend mean that her husband was 'short tempered'?

2. Why has she not gotten something doing 6yrs later and still depending on her ex's allowee?

3. A lot of people believe the dynamics of 'African' marriage makes a husband superior. My enlightened colleagues still had that discussion... Perhaps the husband projected that she was?

mencade5:
I did it in church today because she is the religious type and we are okay with it. Going to a fast food location this evening with her to have a good time.

It is with great joy and happiness that ihave fulfilled one of the greatest feat i have ever dreamed of doing in this life. Proposing marriage to the woman i love. A woman of unique character. A praying partner, my lover, my friend, my counsellor, my teacher, a great cook, a lady that brought back hope to me, making me believe that i can be a winner and a champion a again.

I was once lost, got heart broken, scammed by many ladies who feigned their love to me. I got so embittered with every lady i meet, became 'chief lady basher and women hater in Nairaland' and hated anything women.


But i was wrong by judging every lady due to the few wicked once i met. I never knew true love still exist in our contemporary world. Not until i met this rare gem.

Today may 11th 2016 was the day i finally went on bended knees to say 'will you marry me and be the mother of our unborn children'. It was also a day i finally stamped my feet and declare my infinite love for this woman i never knew could stand by me and manage with me even when i have just garri and groundnut to give her to eat.

Before then, i actually took her to a church where we prayed concerning our relationships and asked God for my direction. I hid the ring and prayed that the ring will come bind us together strongly, brings us more success and financial increase, lead us to eternal bliss of conjugation with children and grand children to come,


but something happened...

After the prayers i took her to a particular section in the church and told her how i appreciated her for all she has been to me.

Then i went on bended knees and held her hand. The funniest thing was that i was holding her right hand instead of the left hand. She kept on giving me and left hand but the anxiety in me was still going for the right hand.

(i no no weda na fear or wetin. But this thing no easy).

Finally i popped the question to her and she said yes. She will marry me.

Oh sweet Jesus......a dream come true

i finally inserted the ring on her 4th finger which officially signified the begin of great things to come before the end of the year.

I love you dear....i will always do


to all those nairaland ladies whom i have insulted. I apologise and say am sorry. Never again......never again



celebrate with me

Goodluck in your upcoming marriage

Preparedness and honesty makes it a smooth ride.

Start preparing .... For your marriage.

MRBrownJ:
@fancyupage
shouldnt you have just said:" WOMEN, instead of cheating i suggest you divorce, as your husband could kill you for it.... since they dont react to cheating as we women do"

as much as his act is wrong, she has a part to take, if indeed she cheated. you cant expect any RIGHT outcome from doing something that is wrong.

Are you honestly implying that it is 'OK' to kill a cheating wife/spouse?

byvan03:
The gist frustrates me because no matter what I say, you will always hear " am staying for the kids". I totally agree with you, most times these women's decision have nothing to do with finance.

I so hate staying for the kids thingy.

Domestic violence will never end if peeps keep 'staying' for the kids.

mhizeva:
You are one of those people rubbishing this world.....

So many women will translate that meaning that they have authority even when they cheat... They will start giving excuses and claiming equality instead of being sorry for their actions.

Review your post it lacks any vital form of message

What has adultery got to do with 'authority' or 'equality'?

A wife has the right to cheat; the husband has the right to divorce her.

The OP is very clear.

joek:
Please judge my case. I've been married for the past 7years. I never raised my hands against my wife even though she hit me two different times. She nags, insulting and very disrespectful. This passed Sunday, she called me an animal and insane in the presence of our neighbours simply because I went to the rest room bare-footed to pee. I did that because she was wearing the available slippers;the second one was bad and I didn't want to wear shoe to the rest room. I didn't say a word back to her. When she came to the sitting room, She looked me in the eye and called me a mad man and that I need to have my head examined. I was so angry that I wanted to hit her but I calmed down and went out. This is what I go through once there is any little provocation. How do I get out of this abuse and humiliation without
beating her up? Cos if I do, you ladies would call me wife beater! For your information, she is a worker in our Church.

Is there no member of your church/family you can report her to?

Can you not look her in the eye and warn her never to disrespect you again?

I am worried because one day, you will freak out and beat/maim/kill her.

If all does not work, separate till she comes back to her senses and while separated, live a pure, holy & accountable life so that you will not accused infidelity.

danidee10:
Which kind of step If I may ask

Warn her sternly never to try it again/ report her to an elder in her family etc.

Okijajuju1:
Now its just for Sperm o!!


Women have Money now..

They also have D!ldo's that are bigger than some guys diickoder.

All they need is just sperm to fertilize their eggs thats all.. And men would become obsolete and become an endangered specie.

@Bold:

A good man will never become obsolete

Very Educative

You mean one slap surpassed 3 yrs worth of slaps?

As much as I understand the man, he is not completely blameless.

After the first slap, he should have taken concrete steps to end the nonsense not waiting for 3yrs to retaliate & blinding her in one eye.

I advise they go their separate ways before he kills her 5yrs later.

Putting her husband down is clearly more important than her life.

elektra:
I do not condone physical abuse but am sure that man did something to attract the beating. No sane woman will wake up one day and start beating her husband over nothing. Maybe he raised his voice at her or insulted her, You know some men can insult well well. Or maybe he did not bring money for soup. What if he cheated, how can she just walk away from the situation without dealing him some slaps. Omo, some men can really push you to the wall oh.

Same argument can be made in favour of men who beat their wives.

Every beater has a reason for beating the beaten.

@OP:

Same thing women are told... Seperate and sort out your issues from afar.

byvan03:
No comment.

Why na?

Say sumtin

So what went wrong?

Stillfire:
I lean more on Cococandy's thought process because I believe this attitude towards abuse is more psychological than the economics of financial status. You still find women staying with abusive men in developed countries where all reasonable tools have been provided to enable them to leave such abusive settings. Women who are financially stable or not can suffer abuse. So what's the psychology behind a female staying with an abuser, is the question we need to deal with and I don't have the answer. But a consistent factor or statistic that cuts across the rich or poor is that girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults. If you had fathers who were abusive to your mums, get help, seek counselling before getting into any form of partnership with the other sex.

I remember a senior staff in my University who stayed with her abusive husband despite the fact she was the bread winner.

lastpage:
Thanks for your Question! being married getting closer to two decades now!

I cant start listing all the Do's and Dont's but l tell you "Mutual Respect, Forgiveness and Commitment to be together" plays a very significant part.
Apart from God, l think my wife is the only person on earth that l trust most.
I respect her and she likewise respects me.
She knows l am an "old fashioned man" that believes a Family, like a Business or Ship, MUST have a Capitan! That is "Me". She is my "Helper", a most crucial helper l cannot do without else l fail woefully but the bucks stops at my Table.
Unfortunately, most women cant accept or live by that "simple rule" which has brought calmness and serenity to our own marriage.

BTW: She holds two Masters Degree and is the equivalent of a level 17 officer in a federal Parastatal so she is not your typical "all noise and no substance woman" you can push-over easily! I still "book" pass am joor!

We dont fight or argue over ANYTHING because we both know our rights, duties, responsibilities and PLACE in our household!
Infact, we "agree too much".
Even the children can draw PYRAMID of Authority in our household. Its that SIMPLE.

"How can TWO live together, if they dont AGREE"?

We are not Angels, we are two different STRANGERS, brought-up under two different circumstances, two grown-Ups with "formed character" before we even met....

So, if two such "strange characters" want to successfully live under ONE ROOF, SLEEP ON SAME BED and EAt the SAME PONMO for LIFE!

What do you think will be the most important considerations!


Quotes: 'Marriage is when a man and a Woman decides to become ONE. Troubles starts when they cant decide WHICH ONE to be" ..."


Just understand your spouse (husband or wife) and agree to work together.
What works for one family, may not work for another but the 'basic principles' are still the same: If you want to live together (happily for life), you must AGREE on MOST / MAJOR things..... and disagree "respectfully", on minor things .... while differing to the 'final' authority of (either) one of you. I emphasised "either" because in certain things, l differ to my wife simply because l know she has "comparative advantage in such things.
Example: she can negotiate "money issues" better than me so when it comes to buying things where "negotiation of value" is involved, l simply let her handle it (l differ to her) , while l watch from the background like a hawk
That is how successful companies, business and ships are run.

Yea, dont forget to pray for each other and the success of your marriage. God plays the most important role, if both are not pretenders!





Lastpage!

Hi Lastpage,

I want to engage you on your posts (if you don't mind)

Mrs0J:
News ways I developed for easy life.
1: Buy veggies, washed them and cut ur desired size then wash with salt. You can steam for few mins with no water ( drain) or u fry with small oil, allow to cool, put inside Ziploc bag or inside storage plate if u fried.

2: for moi moi and Akara lovers, pick number of cup of beans you want to store, wash and peel then allow to drain water and put inside Ziploc bag and store in the freezer.

Pls note that if u don't have constant power or use of generator pls do little so that it won't get bad.

Thank you

ikupakuti:
OK, now i get u/her

Getting married to an abuser is by force...but staying married to him & enduring bullshits is not by force.....smart

You obviously do not get me.

Cheating is abuse to you however Adaeze doesn't consider it abuse.

cococandy:
lol dyt. You're not serious.

Thanks though

Your DP is dope!

Emotional response aka initial gra gra due to the issue on ground.

Most of the women are going no where (and don't tell me finance because most of the wife beating incidences i know involve working women who can/could hold their own) till they die/ the husband changes/ the husband is tired of beating them/ husband moves onto the next woman.

If their instinct of self preservation no longer works and they can endure the beating, lucky them.

I bet my left ass that if another Shade comes here in a weeks time that her hubby is beating her, any one who advises her to separate while the issues are worked upon becomes a divorce advocate and anti-marriage.

Mindfulness:
I think the reasons why women stay in these marriages are several.

@bold

This is one of them.

@bold:

I totally agree and finances (purely) is at the least of them