₦airaland Forum

Acidosis:
Chastity

divalishis:
Because when I gave him an inch by doing that, he took a mile. He will call me and start shouting that I lied about where I said I would be going. Or start shouting that I should give the person I'm with my phone so he can confirm.
Or say I am beginning to go to the tailors place too often, for example.
So I do what I want to do and tell him what he needs to know. The one he doesn't, I keep to myself. When he starts acting up by calling and asking where I am. I cut the phone.

Bolade005:
He protects the family and I can mention a million things a jobless man still does for the family. His predicament doesn't stop him from doing other "manly" chores or roles expected of him.

My question to you is, if the woman was doing her natural/primary role when the man was the main provider then what stops her from continuing with the primary role when situation changes for the man? Why does she now expect the man to get his hands dirty just because he no longer brings the cash?

The scenario you presented is when you know a well-bred, well-mannered woman from an uncultured and poorly bred one. The kinda woman that will throw the man's joblessness in his face. Women like Tiwa Savage.

postmann:
Seun's space indeed. It's no more his space than it is ours who make this forum the hottest in the continent.

You picked the post that said nothing.

postmann:
Bukky dear, is that all you're going to contribute to this?

Bolade005:
A man with prospect is not expected to just sit at home. He's expected to be on the move looking for a way out of his joblessness.

If atall he sits at home, yes, the wife is still expected to do her primary role. If the man supports, fine and if he doesn't, well that's her cross to carry.

If she was doing her primary role when the man was the provider without complaint, then what stops her from continuing with the same role when the man becomes financially crippled?.

Bolade005:
What do you mean what happens to her primary role?

Well,

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

crackhaus:
Na wah oo, see me see u-turn GTA style ...

The thread is about women who don't have time and are probably tired from work, why didn't you just state that in the OP?

How on earth am I guessing what you typed, but supposed to assume what you did not type (untyped intent)...lol.


Again I ask,
Will the wife of a millionaire who also works and gets home late be asking her millionaire husband to cook and clean because she's tired, has no time, and contributes to finances?

crackhaus:
I'm a little confused as to what your dislike for Telemundo or TV had to do with how well you could have dealt with the scenario mod.ath described.

Please try this again Buka.
I sincerely want to read a response you put some serious thought into before typing.

5minsmadness:
Let me start by apologising. My response is going to be brief, brittle and brisk.

You're a woman. I'm a man. These terms have social as well as biological and even psychological definitions. I cook, clean, wash, sew my own clothes when torn as well as change the flat tire and repair the gen. There is literally nothing in the kitchen that you can do that I can't (except maybe keep it a little tidier...lol) and maybe even a little better in some (I make pounded yam so smooth you'd think you'd died and gone to heaven when u taste it with my goat meat egusi soup).


However all those feminine chores stop when I get married. I want to make sure the woman I marry can be nurturing. I want to make sure she can take care of me and more especially my kids. Her primary role is to nurture. Mine is to protect. Simples. Most of the nurturing takes place in the kitchen i.e cooking, washing plates etc. Any woman that cooks and cleans for a man has already warmed her way into his heart (hence so much infidelity with even ugly housemaids... matter for anothe day).

Now, the woman can earn money for the house yes, but that still is not her primary duty. A family in which the woman is the breadwinner is a failed /dysfunctional family. It might be a temporary in certain cases but should be corrected as soon as possible.

Back to your question: the chores mentioned up there are chores for the female folk. It doesnt mean the men can't do it but it is expected for the women to do it. You don't expect us to have a family meeting and the men will go to the market and cook food. You don't expect to be home with your brother and he'll enter kitchen to cook when u r there. That's a social dysfunction. Just like no one expects u to go and put on the generator or push the car or clear the bush at the backyard when your brother is there. The social order has defined what is appropriate for the men and women to do.

And both sexes should take pride in doing thier duties.

Even in the western world men who constantly do the dishes are said to be hen-pecked. Sure he may help once in a while but it is not by force. In fact a man cooking or doing the dishes during or after a date is so appreciated in the west it is seen as being romantic.

What you r trying to question here is the social order of things. Well, go ahead. Nothing stops you. There has been relative peace in the world for so long people have time to question even the basest of things.



On a lighter note your Bros said u no go find man marry if u continue your Agbero ways... You don find the man so?

You see? He was right

osesology:
A relationship without respect, tolerance, communication and understanding is doomed to fail, whether married or not married.

teemy:
Especially to married folks in the house. How can one handle a case where one's wife cannot cook good food.

At least there is a threshold one would expect a woman in her thirties would be exposed to in kitchen matters but when the taste is not in any league to write good about should one make the facts known and recommend taking cooking courses to one's mate or pretend and swallow the food with a smile of pretence so as not to hurt her feelings?

To be honest taking a look at pictures of real food online could discourage one.

Please your advice.
N.B. Love exists in this scenario

divalishis:
I have tried talking to him but he has refused to change.
I can't be living like a prisoner telling him everything I'm going to be doing. I did that before and things only became worse as he got more and more bold. Then I would cry and beg but he only became worse.
Its gotten better now that I stand up to him.

PlayerMeji:
When will people stop using the term 'GALLANT' for our soldiers?

The word is so overused and has lost its grasp.

There are other words we can use besides GALLANT...Words like Brave, Courageous, Bold, Fearless, Heroic, Daredevil, Macho, Indomitable, etc but not that word ....GALLANT

coolitempa:
I never buy fake gala from those people....half of them are my enemies on NL.... ....I just make them run in the hot sun and then after dem don sweat finish, I tell them I am not interested.... ...I do not indulge ipod youths....

crackhaus:
Lol, but I didn't have to guess the intent of the thread when you already typed out the intent for us..

These are the keywords that scream 'intent' in each of those questions:

1. What makes the husband the head/sole authority if he expects the wife to contribute to the upkeep without necessarily compromising in domestics? = finances @bold text.

2. Why is the average woman who wants to marry/date a financially ok man called a gold digger considering that she is still expected to play her own part? = finances @bold text

3. Why do people frown on a wife who expects her husband to provide all (even women programs emphasize this and call them lazy esp. stay @ home moms) while the wife is expected to handle the domestics majorly? = finances @bold text


...and even the fourth question you quoted had;
4. Why is a wife expected to handle the domestics alone when she becomes the breadwinner working outside the home and her hubby is largely at home? = finances @bold text



If indeed the intent was just about being tired, not having time, and just needing assistance, you should have pointed that out as the reason chores should be shared and not because the woman contributes to finances or becomes the breadwinner.

Besides, is there any woman who would complain of being tired, not having time, and needing assistance with chores if her husband was a millionaire?
Honestly?

I'm pretty sure chores start to look real friendly and enjoyable when one's husband changes her car every year to keep up with the factory.
At the end of the day, there's no way one can surmise that it isn't about finances even if an untyped intent claims it is.

greatgod2012:
I'm of the belief that in marriage, both husband and wife should be helpmates to each other. It is believed that traditionally, men are to foot all the bills while women are to take care of the kids and the homes. However, to anyone who sees his/her spouse as helpmate, such belief is annulled and they both help each other in their traditional marital roles.

So, op, how cooperative are you when it comes to assisting in the home chores? If you have been very cooperative, and she still refuses to assist you in financing the home, then, to me, she seems to be selfish and inconsiderate. But if you're uncooperative, believing that home chores are solely the wife's responsibility, leaving her to do everything, then, you have no right to complain, you're being paid back in your own coins.

Continue footing your bills, while she continues her traditional roles.

raumdeuter:
mindfulness and bukatyne

Food don done

expansion1:
Morning All, should a woman be in search of employment when the husband doesn't consent to her working. even though she was asked to resign her previous job due to some important needs.

byvan03:
Thanks babe, I hate that name allowance, I love salary better. He needs to propose a salary, at least I know am working as a babysitter/housekeeper, as long as am paid in full. If one is going to waste her youth all for family, it should at least be worth it in Benjis. Allowance isn't worth it , a salary needs to be in place for one to accept such offer. Once all kids are in school, I don't see what the woman is staying for. I call such enemy of progress.


I have no problem with staying at home as long as am cashing out and sure of it monthly as per salary things. There are so much I can do from home business wise and academically.

Thanks babe, I will just improve the fuel budget because once their is power, they will be glued to Disney junior while I do my thing.

crackhaus:
Lol, you're very conniving.
Where in the OP is it mentioned or even remotely implied that this thread is about 'being tired and just needing assistance'?

Go read the OP again, it was about finances...entirely

Acidosis:
wow!

I must have underestimated these tasks! I may be wrong, but sometimes, I don't see any heavy or tedious task in handling 1, 2 kids in a decent apartment. Of course, I know this isn't applicable to large families, and the luxury homes.

Remember, families can delegate some of these tasks to house helps, siblings, or machines, or ignore till weekends.

Mindfulness:
A woman doesn't say: "You have to do chores because I pay the bills too'.
A woman says: 'Help me with the chores because I am also tired from work.'

A woman who makes more money than her husband but spends less time at work will still do more chores because she has more time and more energy. It IS NOT about the money. It is about time and energy.

Acidosis:
1. Job loss is one of those things humans face daily, so there's absolutely nothing wrong in staying at home, until something good comes up.

2. Oh no, I have nothing against working from home. I've been doing that since 2014.

3. Well, I believe they can work out something good but it shouldn't be permanent. By the way, what would make a man leave his job to stay at home? breastfeeding? cooking? laundry?

raumdeuter:
In an unrelated news, I just heard on TV that Janet Jackson is 50 today and pregnant for her wealthy younger Arab husband

probably doesn't have 6packs nor a sexy shirtless body, but has money loads of it

She probably isn't complaining of her too many house helps who ensure she doesnt touch any domestic work, and wouldnt be complaining that its the husband that pays the bulk of the bills

tearoses:
Depends on how they rolled before. Sometings can look very bad when looking in from outside, but the people involved know how it is
Im not sticking up for tibiz but I know that when fight comes, every song becomes an insult or how do our people say it.
they were both fighting for public sympathy so all the stories will have pepper and maggi added.

If you see my uncle and aunty
They take each others money on a daily basis
Big big amounts o!
They jokingly report each other
But that's how they roll and there is no hard-feeling

My hubby and I play fight a lot. The day my daughter described one episode. We could have been arrested

raumdeuter:
Its a common saying that women dont joke with money things

While she is cooking maybe the husband is working on kids homework or just keeping them busy, How would life be for her if she doesnt have that person to take care of that? WHat you would hear is I cook and he does nothing

You buy grocery, husband offloads it how easy would it be if you have to do everything? I buy grocery and do nothing.

Cutting your lawn nko? Home owners association would give you a ticket. A woman whose husband worked out of the country and she had to cut the lawn or pay $100 to Mexicans every week knows how much she would have been saving

WOuld the womans or mans life be easier if they stayed alone?

Its when it comes to women spending their money that we hear these long stories but when we decide to break it down to the basics we still see women are the ones who are the net takers even in money

Ask in any relationship bf/gf husband/wife how much gift has the female given compared to what she has received

Mindfulness:
RIP like Rest in Peace or like Rejoice in Paradise.



Happy people always look better.

tearoses:
I guess it works for them
and just as it sounds so weird to me, I guess the share chores and share finance thing will sound weird to them too
I guess bottomline is everyone should do what suits their relationship
I must be honest. NL has opened my eyes to a lot of things

The problem will only arise if someone from "camp A" marries someone from "Camp B"