₦airaland Forum

Nonso23:
Kay17 did you read those papers at all ??
I'm done with one of them already and I don't see how they further advance your argument
If anything they bludgeon it to smithereens.
See the posted portions for reference.

Let me read the rest.

Please post the whole article

It would help, thanks

1. Being a female is a matter of birth, being a woman is a matter of age, being a lady is a matter of choice - Marilyn Monroe

2. Your attention please: No one is coming to save you... This life of yours is 100% your responsibility

3. I used to care what people thought about me till I decided to pay my bills wit their opinions

4. Your actions and your words should always agree with each other... Don't say one thing and do another

5. You deserve the kind of love you would give someone else

6. A wise woman knows the importance of speaking life into her man; if you love him, believe in him, encourage him and be his peace

7. It is not sex that gives pleasure but the lover

8. Girls discuss their relationship business with their girl; women discuss their relationship with their man

9. When you dance to you own rhythm, people may not understand you, people may hate you but they will wish they had the courage to do same

10. Strong women do not play victim, don't make themselves look pitiful and don't point fingers; they stand and deal

11. Deep down you already know the truth

12. To my daughter I will say, "See your beauty without a compliment or a mirror."

13. Give what you want to receive... if you want happiness, make others happy

14. Show me love, I do not want to hear it. I am a visual learner

15. Never give someone the opportunity to waste your time twice

16. A Goddess is a woman who breaks the mold, she is who she wants to be and offers no apologies.

17. All cruelty springs from weakness

18. You will know when a relationship is meant for you; it will enhance your life and not complicate it.


All culled from pinterest.

Ralphlauren:
this situation is not just perculiar to nigeria. it happens abroad too.

i remember my first job as a 'contractor'. i discovered to my dismay, shock and anger few weeks into the job that some members of my team were earning £50 more per day than me - even though we did exactly the same thing (same expectations, same working hours, KPIs, targets, etc).

that experience taught me to do my homework properly and investigate what the company pays before i accept any offer. it also taught me how to negotiate long and hard.

Pele, ndo

Kay17:
What sort of organizations do you have in mind?

I personally know firms and offices that have fired women for the crime of pregnancy. But that's my experience, I do not want to generalise nor simplify a complex problem. However I ran into this research thesis, this is more educating than what the denial crowd can offer.

http://www.researchgate.net/profile/Tinuke_Fapohunda/publication/258344013_The_Gender_Pay_Gap_in_Nigeria_Causes_and_Remedies/links/00b7d527fd82a98b06000000.pdf

http://omicsonline.com/open-access/2224-8358/2224-8358-1-186.pdf?aid=19439

http://www.ewp.rpi.edu/jbdn/jbdnv803.pdf

I'm unable to access these links

Will appreciate if you can post them here

Re: the pregnant women, where they sacked because they were pregnant or because they were pregnant one too many times?

damiso:
Spot on analysis on why there might be pay differences in Nigeria.

Not being able to speak English fluently sef can make people discriminate against you in Nigeria In secondary school I was on the debating team and I can never forget one debating competition that we attended. The final was between Vivian Fowler and St Finbarrs College. If you looked at the points marshalled in the debate,St Finbarrs College won hands down but guess who won the debate Vivian Fowler. I guess the judges could not get past the foneh and creamness of the Vivian Fowler girls as opposed to the pakoish look and English of the Finbarrs boys.

Apologies to any alumni of St Finbarrs College on here

Talk like you have hot yam in your mouth and you are the best for the job

Don't also forget to use designer stuffs down to your cufflinks or earrings and ensure you flash them.

God now helps you and you did your masters 'abroad'

Na Godwin be that.

It is so terrible when 5 people in a dept. are not different salary scales (same level o)

Now come from Alapere and Son's Ltd and be in the dept of those from Multinationals (even if they were sweeping there ); you will have the technical know how, do most of the work and still be behind salarywise

Packaging is the way to go

TV01:
Bukatyne


TV

God help us

bellong:


Sister Bukky is now dishing the "F" word....

She will marry this guy and tomorrow start expecting miracles when the poor guy has shown his true colors for the beginning.

Beremx:
Bukatyne even said the Op has nothing to offer to potential husbands?

Very wicked comment I tell ya!

If she has something to offer them, she will not cast her pearls before a swine.

She will end the crazy relationship, seat back to evaluate on what made her fall for him and learn

Then she will take time off the dating scene and heal

Thereafter repackage herself and move on.

She is here asking if she is the side/main chic

Takuology 101

I need to even develop a meter for measuring a guy's heart

bellong:
Well you have a point with the a disgrace to the family part.

The guy am sure behaved same way in the presence of the other girl. It is an age long tactic used to prey ladies..

If this lady has a loving/normal family, is she not a disgrace to them?

@Berem asking if it was my sister... she will get resounding words or slaps

Her subsequent responses did me in; See the lovely advices yourself and tearoses gave her... yet she is going on that she likes the way he makes her feel? Really in a 6 month relationship That is filled with him cheating, confessing to have slept with her and sexting girl 2 in her presence?

What feeling does she like?

Chillisauce:
Chinekeh
All this for one person?

easy tiger!

Done out of e-love mammi

Beremx:
Madam,you are very heartless! This is no way to talk to someone who is broken hearted. Is this the kind of advice you give to a fellow woman who is about loosing her man to another woman?

Chai! Very wicked comment!

Abeg no reply me o!

Gosh this is sickening!

I am very glad to be heartless in this case. If I see a child playing with fire, I will give him or her a soild laidi.... I will not rub the child's head.

WTF do you mean by 'she is loosing her man to another woman'

A lady meets a guy 6 months ago and is saying lose her man? Who dash her man?

Beremx:
Madam,you are very heartless! This is no way to talk to someone who is broken hearted. Is this the kind of advice you give to a fellow woman who is about loosing her man to another woman?

Chai! Very wicked comment!

Abeg no reply me o!

Gosh this is sickening!

I am very glad to be heartless in this case. If I see a child playing with fore, I will give him or her a soild laidi.... I will not rub the child's head.

WTF do you mean by 'she is loosing her man to another woman'

A lady meets a guy 6 months ago and is saying lose her man? Who dash her man?

Kay17:
How many years have you spend in the labour market and what industries have you worked in?

Whatever stories I have are hearsay.

For Nigeria Kay17,

I have never heard of any organization in Nigeria there is a wage gap due to gender.

There is wage gap, however it is due to

*Core business of the organization... (a company in telecoms will pay their IP Engineers and Solution Architects more than their financial staff; An IT person in KPMG would surely be miserable)

*God Fatherism: Who brought you in the organization? Head Hr etc.

*Packaging: How you package yourself... Ajebutter that does shait or Ajepako? Sha just be Ajebutter

*Previous Salary: Some yeye organizations have started asking for last pay slip to benchmark the new one

*Certifications: Some pay according to certifications

*Luck: Some people are just paid more by luck

*Starting: In some organizations, how you start determines your pay. If you start as an officer with N200K; you might grow through the ranks earning N600K as a manager. Someone employed as a manager straight up might earn N1m with same job and experience.

FrancisTony:
All these arguments about the name God being masculine is trash.
English Language is too ambiguous and meanwhile, bible wasn't written in it, hence can't used as a yardstick.

Old testament - was written in Hebrew and the name used there, is YAHWEH which denotes no gender.
New testament - was written in Greek and the name used there, is THEOTOKOS which has no gender alignment.

Just as in Igbo and Yoruba, the name Olodumare/Oluwa and Chukwu has no gender and can be used in naming both male and female likewise.
The name "God"(English) is ambiguous and doesn't depict any gender.

Cc Bukatyne
Cococandy
Babygirlfl

Their 'God' has a gender

This is Genesis 1 : 27 - 28

27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Morning

tearoses:
Of a truth the good men I know are a lot more than the bad ones.
I attend a small family church and I cant imagine any of those men cheating on their wives.
They are decent men who love God and love their families.


I also live in a small community where many of us know each other and many of us are very decent people. Where is the time to misbehave sef?

Unless these men are travelling 100 miles for these affairs.

Of course there are the "big london" guys and girls who are a totally different breed of people, but they are in the minority and the only reason why we hear so much of their escapades is becasue the things they do are shocking.

Nairaland is anti happy families wonderful husbands

It is here I heard 99% of married men cheat.

dBard:
True story..
There was this nice couple, the guy a fine, well to do swaggalicious person with a sanguine personality who suddenly started having some issues which put a big strain on d family. The wife especially, who felt uncared for and unappreciated and this affected them so much even intimately.
long story short, there was so much pressure on dis dude that peeps were advising him to stray, cheat, keep a mistress to kip d sanity in his home (including females) and as expected there were temptations then But, even though he thought about it, he stood firm and faithful.
They're better now, doing well and still together.

There are plenty men like this and stories like this.
Don't why the o.p is always intent on promoting the negatives


Research has consistently shown the percentages of infidelity in marriage to be less than 40%...
40%!!.


choose wat you want to believe.

Am out.

It is either you are new or infrequent in these parts.

Let a lady open a thread that 'Thank God my husband does not cheat on me or he loves me' and see the responses on the thread.

Or even go to the thread about the woman who wanted to commit suicide because her hubby was cheating ... see the responses.

martijez:
The truth is that he makes me feel special,I know he likes me,I just wantu know who he likes more so I will know weda to stay or leave,I wanna know if actually it was once he slept with her and if there's more to it,I wanna know if his mom had liked the gal,if he woulda dated her,in the chat,he told her he loved her and miss her crazily and wanna have sex with her,I wanna know if the love he professed 4 her is true,I wanna know who is the side and main chiq...tho when I say jump,he ask how high,buh now he has given me reasons to doubt every thing he says or do

@OP:

If You are the lady in your profile then it will be safe to assume

1. The only thing you have going is your beauty/body

2. You have absolutely nothing to offer a potential husband

3. You are very ambitionless and visionless

4. You have no self worth or self esteem.

5. You are a disgrace to your family.

6. That guy is obviously rich and you have seen him as a step out of real/perceived poverty.

It also applies If you are not the one.

When you are saner, read all your posts on This thread and imagine your younger sister or friend reasons like This.

You sound like you were dropped on your head as a baby.

Infact, marry the man ASAP Or better still, you both should marry the guy same day....saw one wedding invite like that a while ago here.

Perhaps I would have been nicer If I was the first to comment or If you did not drop your subsequent posts.

cococandy:
The lady trapped her with pregnancy?

Pls don't marry a man that can't own up to his responsibility. Did she impregnate herself?
Somehow it is her fault that he didn't use protection.

Pls pls don't get involved in his mess.

The Bonny lady's vj is a trap

byvan03:
The " they gat to die part" sounds really funny. Well as usual, he always has an answer to his own questions. He was like "they remove the white things on their body and they die", I nodded in affirmative . It was a relief because I was short of words on what to say .

Happy birthday and many more years of God's blessings upon you and family.

Enjoy your night

Moana:
First of all you need a woman who will understand her role as a wife. She has to love, respect and support her husband.

You shouldnt be making compromises like getting a new job that is convenient for her when she is even dependant on you. A woman who is not supportive can become a problem in the long run. There is no guarantee you will get a new job that is convinient for her neither is there guarantee that she will be working after graduation and bringing something to the table too.

If she is comparing you to her sister's boyfriend she can as well go date him together with her sister. A woman should be able to appreciate every little thing anyone does for her, not demand for more as if she is entitled to it.

As for meeting her parents, remember this has to be something you are ready for. Dont be rushed or pressured into it. If you truly feel you are ready for it then go for it.

All i can advise you is pump the breaks, wait until she understands that money doesnt grow on trees and jobs dont fall from the sky. Focus more on building yourself and securing your future.


Before you think of marrying someone just makes sure she sees your vision and she supports you in achieving it. Someone who remains loyal to you even if it means being apart for sometime because of work. A person who aprreicates everything you do for her no matter how small it is. Someone who only seeks to see the best in you not someone who makes you feel inadequate by comparing you to other people.

Only make compromises that will benefit you both not compromises that are only convinient for the other person.

OP: Please note This in the next relationship.

This one is gone.

And stop looking for consultations from babalawos and Alfas

onlymayz:
I am a lover of photograph and photography and also a good collector of it. I have a good collections of pictures right from my child christening till date. Lately I decided to retake a photo of me, my mum and siblings after 24 years and I gives me a nice feeling.
Mode. FP Things Pleeeaaaseeee!

Lovely lovely

lulu69:
by Lucas Togan

I finally stopped beating my wife just last weekend. And I vowed never to touch her again. The reason for this paradigm shift is what I want to share in this article.

In the few years that I've been married, I have often come to the tipping point of giving my wife a thorough beating. I have often been tempted to end a heated dispute with a deafening slap. Sometimes I threaten her with physical abuse (Don't lie, you've been there too). In all these cases, I have only succeeded (or is it failed?) once in punching her arm. An incident that I deeply regret till today. I'm not sure if I felt sorry for hitting her or disgrace and disgust at myself for having stooped so low.

My wife is a very strong woman and you'd have to really be in control to convince her on many issues. Let's just say she has her own voice and refuses to be silenced for no good reason. This attribute is very rare in my society for ladies. I was brought up in a society that promotes male superiority over the woman. I belong to a religion that relegates the female folk on all possible fronts to background responsibilities. I enjoy the privilege of knowing that I can get away with almost anything I do to my wife in this society. Even her folks would accommodate many of my excesses should I choose to subject her to such. So little wonder that I feel so much venom when she does not succumb to my whims and wishes as often as I want her to.

However, being the type of person that self scrutinizes often, I decided to investigate the root of my disposition by asking these questions:

1. The rage I feel when my wife challenges me on certain issues - is it nature or was I nurtured to feel that rage? If my younger brother or friend (emphasis on younger male), who's taller, bigger and obviously stronger than me, were to challenge me on same issues will I feel the same rage? If I do, will it be to same extent? Will I be as condescending in my reproach of fellow males as I am of my wife?

2. If I married Ronda Rousey, the MMA champion, will I feel the same rage as I do towards the woman I married? - knowing that Ronda will kick my ass will calm me down considerably I'm sure.

3. What if I ended up with a soldier wife who's well trained in all combat situations and can physically defend herself? Will I ever raise my hands on her or ever think of striking her?

The answer to the questions above is quite obvious. Evidently my position of authority will be greatly hampered should I find myself in any of these situations. That begs the question - can wife battery be justified in any guise? I think every man who has thought about beating his wife is guilty of wife battery because only a coward man hits or thinks of hitting a woman (especially one that can't defend herself physically). This warped ideology in itself is the problem with my society - the misrepresentation of cowardice for authority.

In southwest Nigeria, women are taught absolute submission from the tender age of 5. It is almost as if marriage is a trophy to be achieved in this lifetime and making that marriage work is her ultimate goal in life. Men on the other hand, are prepped with endless doses of superiority complex pills right from boyhood to the extent that they assume this demi-god mentality and inevitably often act with impunity towards the wife.

It is this superiority complex that I seek to address here. I am a firm believer in spanking or flogging children as a form of reproach. I was often spanked and I turned out pretty fine. But spanking an adult? Naaaa! Not done. Should never be done. The thing about beating a woman is that you are announcing that she is a child. If she is truly a child then you the man should be charged with pedophilia for marrying a minor. She is not a minor. That she is your wife already confirms her adulthood because only adults concede to marriage. If you have ever as much as thought of hitting a woman, you are guilty of wife battery because it all starts in the mind. Only a question of time before it is made manifest. Men should think of women as adults and that may just help a bit.

I would like to make clear here that most movements that advocate against domestic violence are getting their tactics wrong. The fight should be taken to the root of the problem - society and religion. We the people must stop feeding men with these superiority mentality and must start to encourage the females to self identify early in life. When a woman understands herself and loves herself she can better identify a life partner that she naturally connects with. She should not be a servant wife but a partner wife who understands that she has rights just as the man.

I have since stopped "beating" my wife and realized that loving her gets her to do the things I want faster and better than before. I am happier and healthier Above all these I am finally free of the many thoughts of battery because each time it crosses my mind I think of her as Ronda...lol.

(CAVEAT: A woman that hits a man and gets an ass whooping is guilty of beating an adult and self defence on the part of the man is a good excuse.)

*This piece was written with permission of the couple involved*

SPARK! Let's change it.

@Bold, 100%

A strong woman doesn't mean a stubborn one though However If loving her more produced wonderful results, she wasn't stubborn afterall.

lilmax:
and this is the first pic of him smiling after marriage

Really?

It is well.

thorpido:
A much older man has to do more work to satisfy and impress a young bride.It makes men exhausted.

Sorry to him

It is just the angle of the picture

Lara is not near Dele...

She is not cozy to her hubby too

Or Does she belong to everybody and belong to nobody

This is the 2nd pix I have seen Osho sleeping after his marriage.

standd:
'Dangote' is just an example used in place of wealthy men just as 'Baba kafayat' is for poor men

Ok

standd:
We are capable of love when we get all our heart desires in the bargain. You see Dangote's wife/wives will NOT leave him even if he hits their heads on the wall daily, same can not be said about Baba kafayat, the vulcanizer whose wives won't even wash his clothes.
People find love in comfortable places, what we don't have is LOVE, True love.

Dangote that is divorced the third time?

TV01:
You introduced an interpretation of scripture which attempted to reconcile feminist ideology and Christian doctrine. I disagreed with that and explained why.

ok

TV01:
This is not primarily about your home – or mine. Nothing has been twisted, your points have been clear and clearly wrong IMO. And I have taken care to outline my points – even when you make reference to prior discussions I can barely recall

.

Unfortunately, you are not the determinant of right and wrong intepretation. The Scripture has no one interpretation in certain issues and people flow as they are led. When I tell people that God told me to stop wearing trousers, they look at me like seriously(I am a fanatic); When my cousin's wife sees me, I am one way to hell (earrings, makeup and braids); a pastor once said a woman wearing bracelets, earrings, make-ups etc. cannot be born again. Everyone will be judged according to their motives as long as you have the Holy Spirit in you

TV01:
This isn’t about you, it’s about the obviously feminist reading of scripture you present. Through a mix of scripture and your own marriage you have clearly stated as follows;

“A husband leads by submitting, setting an example and loving his wife”

I never said a man leads by submitting;

yes I said he leads by setting an example and loving his wife. Ever heard the word 'Christian' it means Christ-like or the phrase 'what will Jesus do'?. A person who is Christ like is expected to follow the example of Christ; follow His footsteps etc. If I remember correctly, the Bible says the husband is the head of the home/wife how Christ is the head of the Church. Tell me, who taught you the godly virtues you learnt today? By whose power do you have them?

Would it be wrong to say a wife should be 'husbandlike'?

TV01:
“One has equal rights in marriage and decisions are always jointly taken”

Absolutely 100%

Like I asked earlier,

if you and your wife make suggestions and the best is taken (irrespective of whose), how is that sole decision taking? By saying 'I am the head and I think .... well done Mama'? is that what makes you the decision maker?

TV01:
“Submission = love” – with an emphasis on love as the determinant

In the practical sense.... yes

And love is the determinant abi didn't you read the We love Jesus because He loved us first... while we were yet sinners, Christ did for us. Our love/submission to Christ is as a result of the love God/Jesus showed to us else He would have waited till we repent before sending Jesus.

TV01:
You have found no place for distinct male leadership, wifely obedience, or differences in authority - all scriptural. You reject all those notions, and usually not in a plain manner, doing so stylishly.

I have no place for distinct male leadership.

I believe in husband's leadership.

Wifely obedience? I would say submission instead

difference in authority? you mean the one you pick and drop or the one you rarely use? No

TV01:
Even more oddly you allude to a husband earning leadership, which is not actually distinct, but a function of submitting, setting an example and loving his wife. Effectively placing the wife as the authority in the home.

Ok, a husband does not earn leadership/submission, he only makes himself worthy of it

Worthy = deserve = earn

Even God who created us didn't stand in heaven and commanded everyone to turn to Christ; He actually sent His only begotten son to die. That son forsook His heavenly Glory, came to the earth poor, was ridiculed by the people He created and died the most shameful death in His time for us to turn to Him.

Even God/Jesus earned our worship.... Even Jesus earned the right to be called the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

Nobody gives you on a platter, you earn make yourself worthy of it.

I not only wield authority, I continually demonstate that I am worthy of it. I was not joking when I said that my wife implicitly trusts me. Even if not to make mistakes - I am not perfect - it's certainly to have our family' best interest at heart at all times.

Does the bolded sound familiar?

Making yourself worthy of something means you earn it or you make yourself deserving of it.

TV01:
Feel free to refrain or quit, but whenever you post what I consider to be scripturally suspect, I retain the right to respond.

Like I said earlier, you are not on the board of directors of heaven to determine what is scripturally suspect; You do not believe in tithing/ sole Pastorship or head of a local assembly or that drinking alcohol is a sin. All those are also scripturally suspect to me.

TV01:
Greet Oga

Tv

Regards to your family

And a husband and wife has equal agency in their marriage?

Really?

Equal agency?

LMAO

@OP:

No

raumdeuter:
[size=14pt]And the final one which many people wont want to hear[/size]

A large majority of individuals in unhappy marriages who hang in
there and avoid divorce end up reporting their marriages are very happy a few
years later. For the most part, those who divorced and even those who divorced
and remarried were not happier than those who stuck with their marriages

http://www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/lesson4.pdf


“Brittany” was one such individual.
Now that I’m older and more mature, I look back and I think, “Oh my
goodness, the issues were really not as big as we made them out to be.” And
truly, I wish I would have done things differently to maybe work on that
relationship further. Because he is a wonderful, amazing person.

“Laura’s” thoughts on this were similar:

The grass is not greener. . . . I would have done it a different way. . . . I
would not have made the same decision. I would have worked really hard. . . .
I would say [to others facing a decision to divorce], do not evaluate with anger
because your anger is an emotion and it will guide you towards a decision that
you might not be happy with down the line. I always tell people—and I have
plenty of friends who . . . [are] having problems with their sex lives or this,
that, and the other, and I say, “I don’t care what it is. Figure it out.

[size=18pt]But Caveat when your life is in danger flee. Your Life is the most important thing o. Its only people that are alive that can be married [/size]

Any reason for divorce/separation apart from cheating or physical is not a reason to me.

I guess all these stats really talk about 'You press toothpaste from here/we don't go to the same party/we have grown apart' types of divorce

cococandy:
well I really believe in it.

I even think that sometimes going through hard times together can help a couple bond more emotionally of they are ready to be each other back bone.

It's just some people understand for better for worse to mean "if I cheat on you or beat you or abuse you, you should stay and endure it."
That's where all the mixed interpretations come from.

@bold: Very True

Marry the right person and be the right spouse too

People do not wake up out of the blues to ask their partners for divorce...

Treat the disease and not the symptoms