₦airaland Forum

honourhim:
You people are playing hypocrisy.

Which people?

How?

if i cheat on her, i expect her to leave too. i won't even make any effort to stop her from leaving. if she's worth anything in the first place, i wouldn't have cheated on her.

Also never forget that anybody that cheats on you doesn't value your worth as a person.

Words on Marble

vfactor:
Few explanations:

1. Mistaken identity/switched at birth
2. Artificial Insemination
3. Wife cheated with a White man, or
4. Occulo-cutaneous albinism (not sure of the spelling, but my MedFriends can help)

The husband is very intelligent

If the wife cheated with a white, they would have a bi-racial kid and not white.

My guess is mutation, surrogancy or switched babies.

ihedinobi2:
Kai! You could set up a consultancy, you know. Lol. Thanks for the tips. I'll keep them all in mind. I assumed though that #1 is the popular practice. Are people paid disparately on their levels?

Thank you o jare. I need those @ #8. I can never have too much of them.

Abi o!

Gave a friend of mine a title for his short movie need to open a consultancy firm truly

Some companies have become next generation and pay according to..... (you name it)

So A is earning 20k, B is earning 30k and C is earning 60k all doing same thing at the same level.

Some have even gone gangster and request for your previous payslip.

Meaning If you miss it from the beginning, na God o!

ihedinobi2:
Lmao!

That's exactly what I have to figure out a way to avoid o. It's like building a conventional family out of unconventional elements. While planning this company I've been told that I'm doing it wrong for caring about cost of living for my prospective employees. But then I can't help wondering how people whose lives are difficult can be productive.

I often think of farming as a way to see how businesses work. Smart farmers put the best seed in the soil and give the best fertilizers and care to them because that's how you get the best yield, not by reducing what you can put in. Of course, when you're just testing out new ground to see what it is capable of you may not put in your entire cropping, but you'll certainly not find out how it will work by not putting anything in. You plant a small portion of the land with some of your best seed and give it the closest attention to see what happens and based on your observations decide whether to put in more next season.

But sometimes we're a little too greedy or suspicious or cynical to keep these small lessons in mind.

Or maybe I'm just too idealistic. Lol. The funny things people say.

From an employee's perspective:
1. Have a levelled salary scale per level and department. All officers in accounting should earn same thing.

2. Reward smart work and not sycophancy

3. Let everyone feel as part of the vision.

4. Let appraisals be across departmental

5. Let reward and bonuses be fair across board. If you give managers N1m, nothing stops an officer getting up to N400m or dependent on a ratio. Not manager collect N4m and others collect N40k, the foot soldiers do most of the foot work

6. Put a system in place to get genuine feedback from employees. I Remember the first skip level meeting. I attended (direct meeting with the CEO by random selection). I was very green and decided to keep quiet and learn. Some people kept talking about their issues like a witch confessing. Before we got downstairs, the affected bosses had heard everything. . I quickly learnt that skip level is really meeting with CEO + ghosts aka your bosses. Some bosses even ask for feedback

7. When I think of others.

8. Goodluck, wisdom and favor

ihedinobi2:
Lol. Believe it o!!! Ha! We all work for someone o. But to take responsibility to build a whole business is not a light decision to make. You work for the most bosses that way. You work for the whole society (creating an acceptable product), for your employees (na for Naija wey employers fit say money no de to pay you and I come no get dat mindset; plus you have to think about helping them gain professional value while working for you), for your BoD (you don't go and yarn anyhow to people on your board, you think every syllable you'll say to them through and make sure you're not about to waste their time), for your creditors (if you have any), for your shareholders (if you have any.

When I took on the job I knew what it was though so I was ready for it. But still, I'm going to some obscure island in Asia where there's no phone when I finish, lol.

It is well with you

I pity my CEO sometimes when stuff happens but I remember the salary and the pity vanishes

ihedinobi2:
I get that. I just don't think perception decides what actually is. It only is what you see. I know what Muslims say about their religion. I also know what Muhammad said about it. My position is merely that if the whole world were Islamized it would be a horrible place for women.

Nne, the thing about responsibility is that you can't just walk away from it o. There will always be work but this one is my own. Once I've got it done, I'm going for vacation somewhere in Asia where nobody speaks English or Igbo or any language I understand. Lol.

Your personal stuff?

Na die be that...

I laugh when people say... working for a boss is more time consuming than working for yourself.

Goodluck to you

See... going to Asia? one of the perks of working for yourself.

ihedinobi2:
I think you should have asked her why she thought that Islam placed her and other women on a high pedestal. If you did, you might not still think that perspectives determine what truth is. Regardless where you stand, the truth will not change.

I actually researched Islam and still plan to go further into it and other religions. My findings so far are not very flattering for women.

Regarding what Paul wrote, I started a discussion on a Christian forum about it recently but had to call a halt because it was too much work for my overworked brain. It still is. For now, I will mention Sarah who called Abraham her lord and is seen to refrain from speech when men came visiting and even spoke to her. That same Sarah held power with even God. When she demanded that the mother of her husband's son be removed from her household along with the son, do you remember what happened? Even God pled her cause and Abraham did as she asked. So the idea that Paul's command that women not speak in the church somehow disempowers women is quite ridiculous, even disingenuous. I am yet to meet the woman who cannot alter her husband's state of mind regarding things. If a woman can thus affect a man, does she not then have a powerful say in the goings-on in the arena where only men are allowed to speak? I really don't have the energy to go into the matter in-depth for now. I wish I did though.

I'm doing fine o, just dealing with work pressures. How are you and hubby?

This is not about me and you, it is perception (Giving a dog a bad name and hanging it). I actually did a research about the stand of women in the Bible about 3yrs ago so I know what it says.

Check the Muslim section to idea of what Muslims explain on the stand of their women.

Was just pointing it out to you when you said Islam discriminate against their women.

We are good, thanks

Small small with work; solider come, solider go, barracks remain

AND

Work has never and will never finish

cococandy:
Is that not the argument that made some people want to eat me and bukatyne raw some time ago.

Lol.

We don tey for this game

BABE3:
I think I liked that post after I read it. It's a big message. Making other people our source of happiness is dangerous and very selfish.

- Dangerous because humans are very unpredictable. A woman that revolves her life around her husband is playing is big fire. If and when he dissapoints her, she's forced to find her happiness in the nearest place; her kids; her only source of joy.

- This is where the selfish point comes in. The poor kids are now to live up to standards her husband failed to live up to. She become excessively attached to her kids, hiding her clingyness under the name of "love". Women like that make up a good % of bad MILs.

It is more of the sons and by extensions their DILs who suffer it.

That woman would want the best husband for her daughter... the husband who does what her husbands never did for her.

That's why I am always weary when I hear MIL - DIL stories

I detest stay for your kids advice a lot.

It ruins the kids .... on all fronts.

Babymama1:
I had not made that connection till now
I always would think impossible MILs who won't back off are just nasty women or women who love their sons so much and are only watching out for his welfare and inadvertently going about it the wrong way,this is the first time I am making the connection that many of these women were probably neglected by their own husbands and stayed for their children,built their lives around their sons and now cannot stand seeing another women being treated the way that would have liked to be treated.
This is an epiphany

Lols!

I just like to view stuffs from all angles and the end result.

dinachi:
You still don't get it do you? The point is I am not gonna let a cheating or abusive or bad spouse affect and or alter my own personality. If that happens then it simply means that you have always been a cheater all your life but was just waiting for justification! It is like saying you will rob people because you were once a victim of ur,end robbery.

You have seen bukatyne and that will obviously colour your perception.

I agree with you 100% (bolded that portion and said excellent) and said your integrity should ensure you do not cheat.

I agree with you hombre...

Maybe this once

Babymama1:
This is so profound
Wow

That is why I hate those stay for your kids advice with passion...

Let them live their lives please

Which MIL who has a loving husband come and torment her DIL?
The one who has a job or something doing nko?

There are some DILs beg to visit them... They do not even have the time.

I have an in-law who after retiring was retained as a consultant. Had a nice relationship with hubby b/4 he died. She doesn't even have time for all those rederede.

Imagine a woman whose husband cheated, battered and ignored having a son who cherishes his wife...

Na die be that except the woman is a special breed

Or the one who took her son as her husband? You now what to snatch him

Strange they rarely disturb their SILs.... They want their daughters to be happy.

It is well

dinachi:
Clowns! He cheats, you cheat, what is the difference between you two? Both of you are cheats!
And don't start trying to give me any reason. I am sure he also had his reasons for cheating. I will not damage my personality to get even.

@Bold:

Excellent

Let that integrity also extend to you not cheating in the first place

akaglue:
When I was much younger without responsibilities, I was a spend thrift. Then I got married and carried on with the same attitude. I receive a monthly house keeping allowance from my husband and I have a house keeping budget that equates it. Each month I promise myself and my hubby that I would stick to the budget. But hard as I try, I just could not stick to it. Once I get into the supermarket / open market, I shove my grocery list into my back pocket and pile up my trolley.



Two weeks into every new month, the allowance is all expended. I end up having to ask my hubby for additional house keeping allowance. Initially, my tears and promises to be more prudent worked on him, and I’m able to extort more money. Yay! But along the line he stopped giving me additional allowances and encouraged me to practice my profession at home. (I am an accountant and budgeting and budgetary controls are my main KPI).

So I did a bit of reminiscing and came up with the following tips which greatly helped me;
1.Always take stock of the food stuffs and house hold supplies before heading out to shop. With this, I know what I have left and ensure I buy exactly what I need.
2.Always make a shopping list and include the budgeted price of each items and resolve to stick to it.
3.Leave my debit card at home and withdraw the cash I want to spend. The amount I have should equate the amount on the shopping list. No extra cash, no impulse buying.
4.For some items, I ditch the big brand names and go for cheaper brands. They almost taste as good as.
5.I don’t waste any food. I make only what we finish and freeze any leftovers which most times I get creative and recreate into another meal.
6.As a small family, I stay off Bogof for fresh food items! (BOGOF stands for ‘buy one, get one free’). They always end up in the bin because I didn’t need that much in the first place.
7.I never shop when hungry. Hunger sparks off my impulse buying.
8.For items other than household supplies, e.g cloths/ shoes. etc. I window shop before the actual buy.

Want to find more tips, deals and advice. do visit http//:www.akaglue.com

Did you find any of these tips useful or do you have any tips to share?

Beautiful

Weldone OP

That's a very good one

Another stuff that helps is 'Ajo' or contribution where a group of people contribute a certain amount monthly and contributors take turns in collecting.

Also is Office Corporative where a certain amount of your salary is deducted from source monthly. Members can lend money at a very subsidized rate and with a very long tenor.

Weldone

KissesandWine:
I'm also struggling to understand his post as well.

Strange

Avalon316:
The problem is that you still don't understand my initial post. I never said men should cheat or have any reason to cheat.
I just pointed out that threads like this will encourage cheating. Two wrongs will only kill whatever is left of the marriage.
If it ever become a game to see who will win(husbands vs wives), the men will outclass the women in the dirty game.

period.

Are you serious

You mean a wife in a loving marriage will read some ladies saying they will cheat on cheating husbands and decide to cheat?

O Lordy

ihedinobi2:
This just caught my attention.

Actually, Igbos (and humans at large, I think we'll find) tended to depose gods and their whole religious system from time to time. So there's a likelihood that if the white man did not come, we would still not be worshipping many of those gods. As a matter of fact, if they didn't come, we may have gone to them eventually and brought Jehovah home to Igboland, or Allah, or Buddha. Humans have always experimented like that. We've been looking for God a long time. It's locked into our nature to do so.

We don't create versions of God really. Not exactly. What we do is try to account for various experiences of him. Is it weird that peoples worlds apart like the Igbo and the Romans agreed that fertility was a feminine expression of life? The Romans had a female fertility god just like the Igbo. The Hindu recognize female gods as well. With that elevation to the pantheon of the female, and even the tendency to yoke the kings of each pantheon with a powerful queen, don't you think that it is not exactly a male idea of female suppression to eventually bow to a single unaccompanied God who is addressed with male qualities? Is it perhaps just simpler to look at him that way?

I don't think religion puts women down at all. Well, most religions anyway. Islam does. But Christianity? The idea that Christianity does is so ludicrous. In Christian philosophy or thinking, God made it clear from the beginning that the woman was made for the man, not the other way around. And yet, that very fact proved that man needs woman and cannot take her for granted. Before she existed, God said about her absence in the man's life, 'it is not good', the only thing about his work of creation that he found unacceptable.

The agitation for equality with man is, from a Christian perspective, very puzzling. It makes no sense because apart from the fact that you can never equate different things, woman is in an incredibly privileged position. She is made so important to the man that it is instinctive for him to forego his life and comfort for her to have both for herself. As a matter of fact, the man is always under a pressure to make her as important as God to himself. That makes it so weird that women want to be more. What more can you become? Men have broken old friendships and alliances over women, gone to war over women, died deaths - sometimes foolish, shameful deaths, over women, given up their pride over women. What more do women want then?

Is it the right to a career? The right to pick up guns and go to war too? The right to stand up when you pee? The right to knock back as many cans of beer as you like? The right to sleep with as many men as you like? The right to proposition men you find attractive? I really don't see what is being fought for here. *shrugs*

@bold:

Depends on your perspective:

Muslim men have put up nice reasons as to why their women are treated the way they are.
Muslim women have said severally that their religion places them on a very high pedestal.

Muslims have also said women are treated inferior in Christianity... remember Paul's women should not talk, should learn in quietness submission, etc. etc. yarns? My bunkmate in sec schl used those verse to taunt us when we descended into Christian/Muslim arguments. Small pikin things

The esteeming of women or not depends on where you stand from.

How are you doing?

crackhaus:
Lol, that would be you and the rest of your comrades on here my dear Bukatyne.

Take a look in the mirror, the definition will stare you right in the face...

You don't have to reply...

Get it into your skull that I am not interested in discussing with you

And you can hug a transformer if my pseudo-feminism gives you heart attack

Goodbye and great day

Chillisauce:
That one sabi wetin be pseudo-feminist?
Dem just wake up, rush open thread

I sincerely hopes she answers

KissesandWine:
I'm not advising women not to get a divorce. I was just shedding light on the possible reasons why some women would rather stay than leave. Then I went ahead to say that if a woman can leave, then by all means she should. I don't think I was being self-contradictory.

Ok then.

KissesandWine:
Saying that the average Nigerian woman should get a divorce may look good on paper... but may be impractical. We often wonder why women would rather stomach the emotional abuse than leave.

Ever seen how society shuns and looks down on women who are divorced back home? These women are seen as failures who were unable to keep their families together due to their own ineptitude. When another male takes a liking to a divorced Nigerian woman, he is immediately warned by people who knows the woman's story to back off because she is not the kind he should start a family with.

Somewhere down the road when the woman's kids are ready to settle down and the inlaws start probing into their family history, the inlaws discover that their mum is a divorcee.Another wahala.

So yes, there are times when you just can't pack your bags and leave. There are times when you'll have to stick it out and learn to cope and survive within the relationship until you can find your way out.
Sadly, there are women who will never be able to walk out that door for one reason or the other. I believe that's where my mum's advice comes into play.

And of course if you're able to set yourself free of the shackles of an unholy matrimony.. do it. You'll thank yourself for it later.

Isn't the bold contradictory?

If you say the society doesn't look favorable on divorced women (irrespective of the reason), which way out is the woman looking for again?

If the woman divorces at 30 or 60, the society will still look at her same way; why should she endure 30 extra years? It's not like she will be getting companionship or sweet love making.

Why also advice women to free themselves from the shackles of unholy matrimony when you advice they do not divorce?

@the kids getting married: it solely depends on them.

@mumtobe....

mumtobe! mumtobe!! mumtobe!!!

How many times did I call you?

Your friend married a chronic cheat flirt and is now complaining he is cheating

Shouldn't she be worried if he stopped cheating sef

She made the choice to marry a cheat; let her dust herself and get a job (not even necessary as the man believes in providing for her) and base her happiness on something else.

Since the man even travels round, she has a lot of time on her hands and she can develop a lot of hobbies.

IMHO, divorce or separation in this case is a sin.

VintageCocktail:
Let's agree to disagree.
I am a man of my words, when I said I love you to my wife....I mean it......abstaining from things that will cause her pain becomes my priority not massaging my male ego and basking on the euphoria of being in a man's world and can cheat and get away with it ish. I came from a stable home and I am willing to make it more stable than my parents'.


Anyway, whatever rocks your boat.....
Coming to the bolded...this is the mentality of your average gigolos and runs girls.

Standing Ovation

Moana:
since sex and love are not the same thing, there is nothing in hoping your wife has extra-maritals affairs then

The men intuitively know that it is same for women

And I hope all the people justifying cheating are neither Christians nor Muslims

Amya:
Coming from a pseudo-feminist

Interesting,

What/who is a pseudo-feminist?

damiso:
The worst thing that can happen to a marriage depends on the two individuals in a marriage and what their ideals and values are

e.g. A runs girl who dated 15 married men as a young lady was hardly ever in school and sha graduated with a pass and no employable skills whatsoever.She was eventually able to snag an 'island' big boy who married her. They live on Bannana Island she drives the best cars, always decked in Louboutins and Ferragamo (y'all know the pic i am painting ) might feel the worst thing to happen to her marriage is if she has to move to Akute, jump Marwa and have to go to yaba to buy bend down select To her sef as she knows from experience her husband cheating is no biggie. As long as she is the 'wifey' with all the perks its all good.
I know people who believe that a man must cheat but its all good as long as he is a 'great provider'. To some women a faithful poor man is of no use to them .I am just being truthful and factual here.

On the other hand some other women believe cheating is a deal breaker and don't mind being the co/main breadwinner as long as he does not cheat.To some its their spouse not having their back with his/her family.

I personally know someone who divorced her husband after so many years without kids. She is now married to someone else and has kids. She told me the deal breaker was the fact that he was unable to give her children. Some other person might have stayed in that marriage. I equally know another couple married for over 20 years without children and they are ok with it.

In other words like most family issues diff strokes for diff folks.

Very True

KissesandWine:
Don't let the tables turn before you start preparing. Enter into your relationships armed so that you won't be floored when you start seeing signs. Give yourself something else to focus on. If you have kids.. focus on them. Invest your time in them. They should come first before your man (yes, I said it!). If you have hobbies that make you happy.. drown yourself in them. If you like makeup, honey, doll that face up if it makes you happy. Exercise. Keep in Shape. Cook your favorite meals and make it seem like it was his idea to begin with.

Wives should not make kids the center of their happiness either; it only breeds terrible MILs

Babymama1:
Is there a part of you that wants to tell all these heartbroken posters with cheating husband to go out there and cheat back if they so wish maybe it will help ease their pain.
Imagine a poster seeing evidence of 15 girls her husband is sleeping with and paying money afterwards, basically a man patronizing prostitutes without remorse ,some even do it openly and dare the wife to leave if she wants and the wives are crying their eyes out and some attempting suicide like we just read,some staying because of the kids,miserable because society expects her to accept it.
My natural side wishes these ladies could just go and find one good bodied man their age to give her a good time
But that would be sinful abi?
But he doesn't care about the sin and she has to?
It's so annoying to read these posts about men who think it is their God given right to treat a wife this badly.
The other lady on my thread,found explicit texts between her born again husband and his babe describing what they do to each other and I asked her to tell her pastor since they are very involved in church and the MOG warned her never to look at his phone
It's like a good ole boys club where they cover for each other
Even in the house of God

And the advice people give
Pray for him
Fast for him
God will see you through
Contend for your marriage
It's a man's world
Be a good wife
Nonsense!

I feel like saying go out and look for a man with a bigger blokoss than your husband and just do it and get the anger off your system
Sheesh!
This is babymama just venting .
So annoying to read these things
A 27 year old in her prime,married to a 40 year old man that is treating her like crap when there are tons of men out there who could give her the exact same things her husband is sharing to everyone and be discreet about it too.
Very very annoying to read

IMHO, cheating back doesn't negate the fact that the husband cheated and hurt the wife.

I would say first time, forgive and be on the lookout (Anyways the marriage is already dead)\
The second time, out.

I know women who left after the first time sha. (one even with four kids)

Some men think it is their right to cheat because some women enabled them and they know their wife will stay .

I know someone who said he can never cheat because once he does, he knows the wife is working out. (The husband gather for pocket so it is a case of 'my wife is feeding me'). He said his wife will do anything to make the marriage work but will not tolerate cheating and physical abuse.

Also, it is difficult to judge these cases like these or call the husbands names without getting to the root of the matter. Some of these wives fought other women to leave their men before marriage; some were promoted from side chicks to 'the all converted main chick'; some 'snatched' the men from other women; some married men who blatantly told them that 'all men must cheat' etc.

These types of wives should not be shocked if their husbands keep it up after marriage.

Yes not tolerating a cheating husband is good however, the first step is marrying the right husband.

To women who knew their husbands cheated or had tendencies to cheat, they shouldn't be surprised if the man does as expected. I will say they suck it up and live their lives.... That is what they signed up for.

I have seen this stuff before:

The wife & the law