₦airaland Forum

Nice one @ OP

troy20:
@stillfire am afraid your demand for such equality will be fought with every vehemence.are men insecured of the very "power" women possess? The hell we are.every man is.and there is no shame in admitting that.i am trully a democrate...advocate for equall right.hater of oppression but...

You are admitting you'll feel insecure if women possess power?

Hmmm!

What's the but for?

Stillfire:
We need to stop blaming other people or society for the decisions these women make, for real.
The average Nigerian woman chooses to stay in a bad marriage. She would do anything to be a Mrs.
That is the average Nigerian woman's life goal . To be Mrs Somebody. Don't you see how they pray in churches? I must marry by force o.
Why won't you people's marriages turn out to be a disaster? If I were a guy I would run away from Nigerian women. You find out the societal pressure they talk about, it's Nigerian women that mostly put it on top themselves.
She made the choice to stay. A gun was not held to her head. Enough of these pathetic stories. Stop playing victim.
In this day and age, I will not pity any woman that stays in a bad marriage. I can help you look for the necessary authorities to report the husband to because I'm practical. That's all. You know what to do either you divorce or you die there.

Just perfect

Do what you will but don't come crying expecting a pity party

Joy1706:
Really? Taking toke's predicament for instance, most of those commenting were advising her to forgive and make sure she doesn't give room for Anita to come in and take over her man.

@Toke:

The issue is multifaceted.

She was 19 dating a man of 30

The side chick was there for 8yrs. Can Toke really deny Anita's existence? Or was she satisfied as long as she was Mrs. Maje?

Is Anita really a side chic?

Heard the guy used to beat and cheat on her steady before marriage. They were even not on talking terms when he sent people to bring her to the court for their marriage.

Remember the husband is also old money.

iykedare:
I really feel sorry for her.
Sometimes I wonder how my sisters will feel if their husbañds cheat on them. It shatters me.

It's been on my mind for some hours today . Infact, I had to ask a man I met in the gym what would make him cheat on his wife?
His reply? ........men are adventurous.

Foolish man

5minsmadness:
It will be interesting to know how these two got married and the circumstances in which it happened.

There are kissers and there are non kissers.

A kiss is a very sensitive part of a relationship. It shows involvement, commitment, it's a signature of personality between two people. That's why prostitutes usually do not want to be kissed while doing the deed as it makes the buisness personal (this I learnt from heresay oh and the movie "pretty woman" ).

If her husband is no longer kissing her as much as he used to then it's either the lady has bad breath or bad teeth, or he no longer loves her. Or it could be that the passion in the marriage has died down.

It is a serious matter. When last did they have sex?

What about the non kissers?

jaz:
must confess i am really getting bored and tired of being a dad and husband. really tiring full time job... and i got a paid job already feel like going on leave or something

This should also help you understand how your wife feels

Have you tried outsourcing some minor chores so you both have more time for the kids and yourselves.

awhydot:
Funny enough, my friend said he told her to her face that a deep part of her isn't with him, and she replied "yes". And started saying she will fix it with time.
The poor guy is actually unhappy knowing dt he doesn't have the totality of his wife's heart.

Interesting

Medicine after death

cococandy:
It's simple memory malfunction.

"Proactive interference".
Where old information sometimes get in the way of new information in the brain.
Note that it doesn't happen to everyone. But it is fairly common.

She must have dated the other guy for a while and has become conditioned to saying 'mike' whenever she wants to address her man.
So this new man 'Jim' can be addressed as mike unknowingly.

It will take time for the new 'Jim' habit to be formed and the next man 'Andy' can expect to be occasionally called Jim until his name becomes the habit too.

If I had known this before, i'd have spared myself some unnecessary fights with an ex who used to call me his ex-girlfriend's name.

Possible especially if she dated the ex for long.

Stillfire:
Beckham's baby girl is so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!



Lollllllllllllllllllllllllll.

Na true na

The people who claim to be 'Alpha' here would see this beneath them.

Real men, alpha men, real women, alpha women...'

All join

ihedinobi2:
It is both. Relative to each other, the male is always supposed to take that responsibility for the female. Sometimes though even a female may play the role, for instance, for her children.

Definitions are useless if they are not universal.


I was thinking of Hosea and Gomer earlier today. That was a situation God actually asked of Hosea in order to paint a human illustration of his relationship with Israel. Considering how God is utterly supreme and arbitrary in authority, he wasn't just bragging when he called himself the Alpha and the Omega (the convener and disbander, the starter and the finisher, the full circle). He is Alpha very clearly. But he had a relationship like the one he depicted through Hosea and Gomer with Hosea playing him.

It's not vague or misty. Alpha is a real position and actually has its best use in a marriage. Someone has to take point all the time. Someone has to shoulder the responsibility at all times. That is all there is to it. The other person supports, helps, upholds and submits to the authority of the one who has the full responsibility concentrated on them.

An alpha cannot be said to have no need for, say, a wife's input. Nor can he be said to be invulnerable to her desires and, well, seductions. Being alpha is not about that. Being alpha is about stepping up and leading the column. Part of that role involves being able to appreciate the better abilities of those who help you lead. Wifey has a peculiar sense of life that can help Alpha make his decisions better and discharge his responsibilities more fruitfully.

What an alpha is not is a man who waits for a woman to decide what needs to be done or for her to start doing it.

Anyways, each to their own.

Still vague on what it is anyways.... ( and as I said, I rarely see it used for marriage on NL; it is used to depict a certain kind of man)

As far as the people in the marriage/relationship are fine, all this is 'ranting' as one NLer put it earlier today.

ihedinobi2:
To put it simply, an alpha is merely a leader - someone you can trust to go forward for you.[quote author=ihedinobi2 post=34829206]That means 'alpha' is more of a personal quality than gender... you rarely hear 'alpha females'

[quote author=ihedinobi2 post=34829206]Nothing about that really suggests an inability to carry babies and coo at them. LOL. Actually, by definition, an alpha is like a very safe person for a baby.

Perhaps the definition of Alpha is different across board

ihedinobi2:
I think that the whole concern with alpha/beta and whatnot is because of the attack on male authority. The man who yields his authority to a woman is typically the one who is colloquially referred to as a beta. The one who asserts it is in the same wise referred to as an alpha.

Yield, assert are very vague terms especially in marriage.

Is a man who thinks he is bossy but yields like putty in his wife's hands (wife wants something and she gives him good lovin' or good food which will always change hubby's mind) alpha?

Is it a man who makes joint decisions with his wife?

Is it a man who says no (wife nods in agreement) and the wife who does whatever she likes anyways behind?

Is it a man who is the C -in -C and when he says no even God cannot say yes?

Is God who gave everyone free will Alpha or beta?

These things are honestly very vague to me

And honestly, the alpha junk is used mostly outside marriage context here, it is used to describe certain types of men. (whose definitions vary)

ihedinobi2:
I'm doing ok, thank you. Work is working, hehe. How are you and hubby?

I dunno nau. Se, is guys that wear the pants, abi?

Fine, thanks

How do you determine who wears the pants?

Besides, even men not in relationships talk of been 'Alpha'

I honestly don't know what it means

ihedinobi2:
Ha! Buky! Like who, biko? Alphas are very protective. And playful too.

Lols!

How are you and busiwork?

Who is even an alpha sef?

Faithful $3
Intelligent $2

Faithfulness is the 1st, 2nd, 3rd,.... nth for me

100% Correct

VintageCocktail:
hahaha, unmarried guys always make me laugh with their reasoning.

Calling the shots on how a woman will carry the pregnancy..... WTHeck.

Lol!

Timijo:
This article is for you if you are a guy that is married or are in a very committed relationship with a woman. If you love your girl and want to have a good relationship with her, then here is a list of ten things a man should do for his wife all the time in order to not only promote harmony and happiness but to show her you truly do love her.

1 - Talk to her. One of the things women really want from their men is for him to talk to her. What this means is that she wants meaningful conversion with you. Tell her how you're doing; your hopes and dreams. Tell her what you're thinking about when she's not around. Tell her about what's on your mind, and listen to her when she responds.

2 - Touch her without expecting more. Women like to feel like they are more than a receptacle for your desire. If you want her to know you love her for more than what she can provide, touch her in gentle ways. Rub her back or feet. Caress her cheek. Things like that.

3 - Open doors for her. Show her you not only love her, but cherish her as well by opening the car door for her before getting in yourself. Open the door at home for her too. Help her with her coat when she comes home. Get her chair for her when she sits down for dinner. All those corny things men used to do in movies. Do it and she'll see you mean it when you tell her you love her.

4 - Compliment her. Tell her how nice she looks. Or smells. Tell her what a great job she's done with dinner or in helping you with some errand. Tell her how important she is to you and how your life wouldn't be nearly as sweet were she not there to share it with you. Whenever she's done something well or special, tell her so she'll know you've noticed and appreciate what she's done.

5 - Cook for her. You might be the kind of guy that cooks for her all the time, but you're probably not. So, occasionally cook an entire meal for her while she relaxes in the tub or in another room. Set the table, cook the meal and then clean up afterward. She'll love that.

6 - Tell her you love her. Most people don't tell the people they love often enough how much the other means to them. Break that tradition. If you truly do love her, tell her you love her at least once every single day. More is even better.

7 - Help her. When you marry someone, you're agreeing to be with them through thick and thin. For better or worse. While generally people see that as being there through the hard times, it also means being there and helping with the small things. Like running errands, or reaching for something on the top shelf. Or buying her a stool for when you're not around. It means helping with the cleaning and the maintenance of the home. When you help her, you're making your life a team effort, and this is what builds strong bonds between couples.

8 - Do things with her. Quite often as time passes, couples begin to find more and more things that they like to do individually which leaves less time and energy for doing things together. Keep that from happening by choosing to make doing things together a priority. Go to the grocery store with her, or Christmas shopping. Find things you both enjoy doing for fun and do them. Make your life feel like you're both in it together no matter what is going on.

9 - Let her make her own decisions. A lot of times men have a way of seeing things and come to decide that their way is right and any other wrong. This can result in men taking over a lot of the decision-making that goes on in the home. Fight this. If you make decisions without consulting your wife, you're silently telling her that her opinion doesn't matter to you, which generally leads to a loss of closeness between couples.

10 - Be dependable. Most women have a need to feel like they can count on their men to come through for them when they need it. To ensure that your girl feels this way about you, be dependable in the small things. Be where you say you will be, when you say you will be. And if you say you are going to do something, do it. Don't let things slip away. It's the small things in life that add up to someone being considered dependable.

These ten things a man should do for his wife all the time are tips for men who are either married or in a serious committed relationship with a woman. If you are such a man, and wish to sow the seeds for a happy contented marriage, I hope these things will help you. Good luck.

@OP,

Lovely

Thanks my darling no 2 though

honeric01:
This has nothing to do with gender war, it's about removing anything like "double standard". simples.

I know this is three years late but what is the double standard in the OP?

He has not said women shouldn't do such, has he?

davidylan:
I'm sorry but it appears you have your idea of "leadership" horribly twisted.

Please help me understand how doing things with your wife, affirming your love for her once in a while, cooking for her, opening doors for her, helping her around the house or talking with her diminishes you as a man? How does that affect your position as the power in the home?

I believe strongly that many of you are inherently insecure and need to have your woman cowering under you to feel empowered.

Secondly i dont think you truly understand the bible. If i get you, your point is that the bible enjoins a woman to do all that is on that list for a man but a man doing same for his wife is being a sissy? And you claim to get that from the same bible where Jesus was busy washing the feet of His disciples and asking us to do likewise to our wives? And people wonder why many marriages are nothing but empty shells today. I pity whoever it is you end up with as a wife.

Yes it is true that Sarah called Abraham Lord but i bet you she did it out of deep respect for a husband who led by example. A godly husband who is willing to go above and beyond to make sure his wife is treated like the queen she is wont need to beg his wife to call him Lord...

Where are you na?

Lovely!

Holak:
First Lady is an unofficial title used for the wife or hostess of a male, non-monarchical head of state or chief executive.

The First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS)[1] is an unofficial title and position traditionally held by the wife of the President of the United States, concurrent with his term of office. Historically, if a President is not married, or if the President's wife is unable to act as First Lady, the President usually asks a female relative or friend to act as White House hostess. The current First Lady is Michelle Obama who, as a result of the re-election of her husband Barack Obama on November 6, 2012, is scheduled to serve until January 20, 2017.

The position of the First Lady is not an elected one and carries no official duties. Nonetheless, first ladies have held a highly visible position in U.S. government.[2] The role of the First Lady has evolved over the centuries. She is, first and foremost, the hostess of the White House.[2] She organizes and attends official ceremonies and functions of state either along with, or in place of, the president.

Source: Wikipedia

God bless you o!

I have proposed the simplest solution; divorce Buhari

Holak:
But the office of the Wife of the President exists...

LOL!

Holak:
What is in a name? You can choose to answer anything. What will matter is your actions. We shall confirm it if you do not act like one: no meeting of first ladies, no chairing of meetings of governors' wives, no organization of symposium for women etc. If you do these, then no difference, just change in name.

Thank you.

amanze15:
u too dey read , atleast some governor are the [s][/s]chief looters or chief servant

Abi!

Chief servant aka governor.

If I hear

tbaba12345:
How does this translate to extreme humility??

The Nigerian constitution does not have the office of first lady. She can choose not to be addressed as such.

But she will enjoy the perks of the 'first lady'?

She is the first lady by the virtue of marriage to Buhari.

Toks2008:
iS THERE ANY TWIST THERE?

was only referring to the fact that even Bible gives a funny picture of the possibility of men sleeping with maid servants from time memorial.

The Bible never gave any funny picture...

The maid there is a woman ...

Some versions say how a man loves a woman

Adufetohposh:
And some men will not fall for that Beyonce or Kim K's Body, not because they don't find her attractive, but because they are disciplined and will rather go out instead of sleeping with someone under their wife's nostrils.


So what if the maid falls in love with the man and decides to poison madam and her children so she can take over the home completely....

I will blame the man. if he needs to cheat on his wife, it shouldn't be with her maid.

Why would a man 'need' to cheat?

Jeezuzpick:
While everyone is busy bitching on Nairaland about maid or no maid, I have woken up to fetch enough water to use for the day. My wife is still in bed!

I told her No! When she brought up maid issue when we were courting years ago. As such, I cannot leave house chores all to her so she can collapse under the strain.

I blame both man and wife! They are both selfish!

Man no wan help around the house, woman no wan cope, go separate one konjiful fifteen year old from her "hardworking" bf for Villa come unleash am for her husband head!

Abi you think say de girls na saint? Most of them deliberately dance around the house in short shorts and braless in worn T-shirts! After masturbating for weeks, they are ready for oga's "long thing"! Even dreaming of it! Bringing in almost any teenage girl as maid is a recipe for disaster!

Me I no want am sha. I dey happily pay de price.

Where are you guys na? Why don't you frequent this section?

If you do not want a maid, be ready to pull your damn weight especially when you have a working wife.

Phew!

I really like the bolded.

And as you said, while people are here ranting... life is going on and people doing whatever they want to.

LaRoyalHighness:
Before I answer your 'silly' question ...Please help me out first..
If I (a woman) sleep with my gateman,
Who is to blame?

Abeg, Abeg!

Your husband cannot open, the gate, wash the car or drive you

Don't you know how arousing it is for a man to wash the car with his arms glistering with his shirt stuck to his body?

When he is maneuvering the steering with just one hand and giving you that look nko?

Only a 'phoolish' man would leave those for a gate man or driver.

Joy1706:
If you're too lazy to open your gate,wash your car, drive your car and mow your lawn.....be ready to see your gateman, driver etc. help you with your bedroom chores as well

Hahahahahahahahahahaa!

Aminat508:
This long standing anomaly of men sleeping with house helps even in most times ending up the woman leaving her matrimonial for the maid....who gets blame?

The man

Aminat508:
does the wife takes a greater blame by leaving the house maid to run everything in the house...even attending to the man's needs

No; if the husband doesn't like the way the maid runs the house, he has a mouth to complain

Aminat508:
while she plays madam sitting doing nothing nd forgetting her wifely duties

Really?

Is there an excuse for the wife to sleep with a handy house boy or gate man or driver?

Toks2008:
The maid factor..

This article is borne out of my taughts as regards the issue of a man and the maid in the house but before i continue i will like to quote this scripture:

"There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand:The way of an eagle in the sky, The way of a serpent on a rock, The way of a ship in the middle of the sea, And the way of a man with a maid" Proverbs 30:18-19.

I get so surprised when a woman finds out that her hubby is making out with a maid and she uses words like "How could you? a COMMON MAID"

Now ladies open your eyes and widen your reasoning faculty and get this straight.

Men are visual,we think about sex way more than you do as women and we are very polygamous by nature meaning we naturally love to be with as many ladies as possible but if you find a man who is decent and disciplined then such a man is a rare breed but most guys naturally will sleep with any maid that catches their fancy even if they are married to the most sexy lady in the world.

I sometimes believe that Abraham would have refused to sleep with Haggai if he has not been eying her and if not for the fact that the whites of those days slept with common maids and even slaves from Africa we definitely will not have African americans today so save yourself that COMMON MAID word.

Wait guys, i am not promoting randy lifestyle or justifying the shameless act of sleeping with a maid not because SHE IS A MAID but how can you have yur wife in the same house and yet sleeping with a maid? This is arrant nonsense i must say

But then to the women, please if you must get a house maid, get a minor that has no visible sexual feautures and lets see that beast of a man that will sleep with a minor.

They are house helps and not slaves so i believe a 13 to 15year old maid will do just fine.

Lets leave hypocrisy, if my wife brings home a maid that has sweet curves, i will call her to order and ask her to send the maid back. Prevention is better than fighting temptation.

A maid is human, a maid was born the same way you were born, a maid has the same feminine sexual features just as you have and even usually younger,Stop employing matured maids if you have a man at home to prevent unplesant situation.

If you like ,start saying you trust your husband, he can not do this or that but by the time it happens, don't say i have not warned you.

Be wise

[size=20pt]BROS!

A maid as used in the bold is a woman; not housemaids.

Maids were referred to as servant girls.

Softly softly twist the Bible![/size]