₦airaland Forum

trekkie:
insightful posts learned a lot. bukatyne is absolutely right. men and women abuse "power" whether financial, political ...anything .

ihedinobi2:
I'm not changing my mouth biko. I have not said now that leadership is not the defining quality of masculinity. It is. That quality is an attitude. What did I say before biko?

Ehn, how does that even compute biko? What did I say that translates like that?

If she wants to be, abi? Ok o. There's a woman that works with Goldman-Sachs that makes me think that that is true. No, she's not the CEO, a director or something like that. I know that it is not impossible. Like I already said. What I have said is that leadership is a masculine, not feminine quality. So a woman has to behave like a man to lead, right? Her softness has to be hidden. She has to harden herself and treat things with an uncharacteristic ruthlessness.

Men will always be gentle with their family. But no man who appreciates the role of manhood in the family is less than firm even when being gentle. I can be crazy and playful with my little nephew and niece. They love playing. But they also know that there's a firm, uncompromising side to me. For some reason they seem to prefer hanging around me. Their dad, my brother, used to tell me that they'd become afraid of me and start avoiding me but they gravitate to me now.

Yes, we may be various things to various people. But manhood will always mean firmness, adventurism, first line of defence. And a woman who wants to lead will have to don that cloak. It is not a feminine one. That's my point.

ihedinobi2:
Woman, thy name is discontent.Content

Timbuktou:
Hahahaha. Funny you. The remaining non-christian blacks are cursed. We hail you o, Mrs. Blessing Okagbare.

aisha2:
I was judging a woman whose husband told all who cared to listen that after training his wife he lost his job and she became a devil.
One day I met her crying at an older friend's place, I wanted to leave but our mutual friend called me back and explained why she called me to come.
The woman needed a loan, rent and fees were due at the same time and Oga had once again convinced her through blackmail and bullying to release money she had been saving for both purposes, now they were due and he told her to apply for an office loan.
She said she was drained and tired, she can't complain or talk with him because it always turns into " have you forgotten that I am the one who trained you". She comes home late each day to meet dishes undone, has to go and pick the kids from her sisters place because they go there after school if she asks him to baby sit it will be that she is turning him to her house boy. She cant keep a maid because he sleeps with them or harasses them till they leave, she now has to pick the kids, make dinner and check their homework while he does nothing only nag her.
She said she takes on extra trips even when she was heavily pregnant just so she could use the DSA to add to her salary .
I was shocked because this man will always paint her like a wicked unsupportive wife and she never says anything so it wont be that she is kicking him when he is down. Normally she shuts up manages and pays the bills denys herself so many things and the only reason why she came to speak to our friend was because she was desperate and didn't know where to turn to. Our NGO work there is no allowance for loans as they can fire you any day anytime.
We were both able to raise the money for her but not as a loan

Since that day I am slow to judge till I see for myself that the women are mean.

If a woman stays at home mostly she at least tries to make the home habitable, some men will expect their wives to go through all the stress and come home to start from sqaure 1 off cause she will be irritated and upset.

If one spouse is staying home for the while try to make life easier for the working one so paying the bills doesn't become so frustrating

ihedinobi2:
You see your life?

Which power over ego biko? Are you an Ijebu woman?

ihedinobi2:
Actually that's the wrong way to look at it. Jobs aren't themselves leadership. Leadership is an attitude.

A cleaner can be a person of responsibility or a dependent. It all depends on the person's particular approach to the job. A man who recognizes that would clean like cleaning is the same as directing the affairs of the whole company.

No I'm not saying that. I'm saying that when she assumes leads, her softness and natural instinct to comfort goes out the window.

I know what you're saying.

okotv:
thank you.


compliments of the season

Emaprince:
I hear you!..but mind you,christ no support feminism o!..happy xmas anyways..

okotv:
I almost replied that comment cause it sounds awkward.


*I am not cursed *

Emaprince:
what is that your name?..bulletin abi bukatyne..I'm very sure you black and a yoruba woman..

Let's say..since bukatyne is black,then bukatyne=cursed!!!
Btw,all the blacks around me(including me) are well blessed..

ihedinobi2:
Ehen nau. After all, men actually do good in the kitchen if they want. We just don't want to make y'all feel bad. I look forward to a few months at least of pure bachelorhood myself. I want to run some experiments in the kitchen.

The thing y'all might actually be missing is that we surrender our welfare into your hands and give you a place of power over us. Una jus de para anyhow, lol.

ihedinobi2:
Lmao

I knew that that was your point and I still offer my arguments in counter. No "level playing ground" elsewhere. Outside the home men don't automatically lose their masculinity nor do women lose their feminity. Both are still different. And their differences are such great strengths for the whole human race that we incur terrible loss eliminating them.

Abeg, more handouts. Just to torment bukatyne. Lol.

ihedinobi2:
Eya

I feel your pain. It is well. Better you than him. Unless you want to eat grass instead of pumpkin leaves, lol.

ihedinobi2:
Lmao

The closest is "o zugo" ('it is enough' OR 'it is ok').

EfemenaXY:
Lol!

Now this is crazy!

ihedinobi2:
And a very Merry Christmas to you, bukatyne.

ihedinobi2:
I'm seriously starting to wonder when you got to know me on this forum. I didn't always fight feminism, you know. I used to support these postmodernist fallacies because I did know that both genders are capable of playing many of each other's roles.

The fact that a woman CAN does not mean that a woman DOES. I already said that a few times. I can stick my hand in the fire. That is simply a question of ability. I don't. I will only under special circumstances. That is a question of more than ability.

Women can go to war. A woman can take on adverse elements and lead the charge. But does she? Jesus said that the stones would cry out if human beings quit their praise. Nature has everything multiplied. A woman will play a man's role under abnormal circumstances and vice versa.

Read what I write, bukatyne, not what you think I am writing.

What kind of examples do you need me to give?

These questions do not fit anything I said. They don't quite answer anything I said. I asked you what other members of the family a woman leads. I didn't say that she doesn't lead her kids.

Now, about the copilot questions that I asked, of course, co-pilots XOs etc are leaders. I knew that before asking. The question was to enable you to.understand my argument. The co-pilot leads on the authority of the pilot. In other words, the leadership of the co-pilot is derived from the pilot, that of the XO from the captain, etc. It is all leadership nonetheless.

In the same vein, a woman is a leader but her leadership derives from the man's. Thus leadership is still a male quality. This does not mean, like I already said, that women cannot lead when there is no man around. They can but she will have to sacrifice her feminity to do so. There is a ruthlessness and adventurism that belongs exclusively to leadership and comes naturally to men but which women cannot exhibit without sacrificing the protectiveness and compromise that defines womanhood. THAT is my argument. Not that a woman cannot be a leader.

ihedinobi2:
Lol. Of course you do. I didn't ask because I thought you might agree.

Are you just saying that? Or is there a reason you think that leadership is not gender-specific? Women who occupy positions of organizational leadership tend to have to sacrifice that forgiving, accommodating approach that women uniquely have to situations of conflict or potential conflict. Men are far more confrontational than women. They challenge and accept challenges. They strike compromises only when it appears to benefit the things they are protecting. Men do not necessarily turn from conflict because it is unpleasant. Can you say that that is natural to women?

Do we have to go hunting statistics and scientific studies too to demonstrate the truth of an obvious fact?

I don't get this "behave alike" thing. If leadership is itself a behavior, an attitude, in how many different ways can anyone "behave" this one "behavior"?

Who are the other members of the family that women lead? I'd like to be clear on that.

I don't think that we had any disagreements on the definition of leadership. However, reporting to someone does not necessarily make them a leader. Common sense says that a leader is just that person in front meeting the challenge and the opposition first and carving out a path for those coming after.

RoyalRoy:
Lollz.... Better late than never. Already Bought your birthday cows.... That will give the cows more time to grow big by next year!!!

onila:
pple are calling him gay in the black American group

ihedinobi2:
Feminist ke? How?

Anyway it's not like I haven't been schooling feminism for a while now

RoyalRoy:
Happy belated birthday to two Nairaland Family Section finests.

Wishing you greater and happy years ahead.

Cheers.

ihedinobi2:
I said that it is the defining quality of manhood. I was not unsure of what I was saying, bukatyne. I said what I said in the context of the discussion but I'm willing to deal with an expansion right now.

Granted, there are women CEOs and other such positions, but that is not a good argument to confound my claim. The reason is that mimicry does not a chameleon a flower make. A woman either has to behave like a man to lead or else she does not. Do you disagree with that?

I did not ask if they CAN exhibit leadership qualities. I asked if they ARE leaders or not. Is it the definition of a co-pilot that they lead? Or of an XO? Or of a wingman?

Who does the Proverbs 31 woman lead?

carefreewannabe:
I am in a more comfortable position, my last day at work was on Friday but we are so many on Christmas that the cooking does not seem to come to an end.

This is truly the official season of getting fat and my dancing school closed on Friday for the Christmas break to make it worse. I will suffer in the New Year.

Anyway, for now, let's enjoy Christmas.

Happy Christmas to you and your family. Stay healthy.

Sophyrocks:
And they say its only women who cant handle their emotions. He is pouring all his frustrations to comment. Hehehehe.

dinachi:
Enough of all these emotional answers from feminists here! I can almost picture the situation clearly in my mind...here goes.
From my observation, your friend is a bitter woman. She is very bitter against everything for her tumour and she blames herself. She sees sex as work not as fun that is why the man can hardly get it up and struggles with it. She has never really loved the man. I can almost swear that her puccy stinks and for some men that is a total turn off. Without it being said I know she is an introvert. Now I know her body hygiene is suspect because most women becomes unkempt if they believe they are not being appreciated enough. SOLUTION.
1, Let her understand that ONLY she is responsible for her own happiness not her Husband! It is her choice to either be happy or not.
2, She should love herself. Her friend should help her to rediscover herself, tell her your old jokes that the really enjoys and refuse to discuss her husband with her anymore.
3, She must make sure she bathes regularly and get a very nice deodorant and perfume and use it very well on herself.
4, Her puccy hygiene is critical. She must wash it thoroughly and always ensure it is very neat before sex with her husband. Stinking puccy totally turns a lot of guys off.
5, She should go out of her way to buy porn movies and join the husband to watch it .
6, She should stop crying around all the time.
and put a smile on her face.
7, She is too rigid in bed..She should spice it up ...touch the man's body...lick and suck his nipples..run your fingers behind his neck...lick and gently suck his ear.. Go on top... Make the sex lively..free your mind..sex if properly done is very pleasurable.
BUT if she cannot bring herself to do these, then I recommend a trial separation first. She should go away for a while...