₦airaland Forum

thorpido:
I think it's just a question of sifting the wheat from the chaff.

Compliments and welcome to the thread

I agree

Aprime:
Are you preaching?

Compliments and welcome to the thread

Yes o

Can we now start exporting yam since crude oil is messing us up?

deeptesting:
I simply don't like when children live in their parents house, gets their fees paid by their parents, clothing's & food yet they think the discipline and rules of their parents are repugnant... Bros, i will advice you and your Sister to go rent your house & be free like the wind.. I simply don't see anything wrong with your fathers action but i see everything wrong in your insurbodination and youthful exuberance.

The last part of your statement is baseless & unfounded, your father has a girlfriend yet he saw you and your Sis. through school, clothed & fed you until you are grown to raise a baseless accusation on him.

If the father has a girlfriend then he has no moral ground to cage his kids ... don't you think so?

@OP: what is the relationship between your parents?

And no, you father is not strict... He is just been a Nigerian father

OP deed is done

Son learns not to leave the house without informing anyone next time and You have learn to ask questions.

Please do not apologize with a gift.

Compliments of the season

It has become a trend for every thread to be reduced from whatever the OP had in mind to Men versus Women or Feminists versus Anti-feminists etc.

This thread however is to address the Feminists versus Anti-feminists arguments.

I do not understand why every issue has its roots in feminism... from a husband is cheating to wife not clean to children been rude. Some posters open threads with 'I know feminists will support the woman's wrong deeds bla bla bla' and yet they still want objective posts on that thread. Some anti-feminists know that feminists are 'old bitter divorcees/singles/unhappily married women' and will still bother to reply feminist's posts. You have a different view? feminism! You expect accountability from men? Feminism etc.

Once you are known as a feminist, it does not matter what you post; it is feminism talking. Let an anti-feminist cheat and a feminist cheat; the feminist sure did so because she is one; the anti-feminist clearly did not do it because she is anti

I am anti-gay and anti other things. I see no sense in commenting my stance about them on every thread or opening threads about them. As a Christian, my Bible says they are condemned to hell yet I do not go about ranting about it on every thread.

You know feminists' marriages never last? Why drink panadol for someone else's headache?

What I find extremely amusing is 'I believe men and women are different but equal; equal social, political and whatever rights for women yet I am not a feminist' Try I believe Jesus died for our sins but I am not a Christian . Another funny matter is that fact that 'all feminists should behave the same way'. Deeper life members have a uniform they wear, do not wear earrings, make up etc; Mountain of Fire members do not have a uniform, wear anything as far as it is decent, do not make up; RCCG members make up, wear earrings, trousers etc. (depending on personal belief and parish); Christ Embassy do not cover their hair etc. yet nobody has come up to say Deeper lifers or MFM members or RCCG members are not true Christians. Some Christians see nothing wrong in alcohol as long as one is not drunk (I think alcohol is wrong) etc. Yorubas do not have a uniform culture or language yet all feminists must be the same or they are confused

Anybody who does not know the definition of feminism will do well of looking it up in a dictionary. Those who know and see people practicing something else should tackle those people and not feminism.

Thanks and have a splendid day

Yours truly,
Bukatyne

Please no bashing or nonsense posts...

ahmanim:
A friend(wife) relocated to another state after securing a better job. Husband is insisting that she should quit the job and go back to him. They had an agreement for d husband to join the wife when he also get a job. Two years on, no job for the husband in the new state though working in a private firm . what do you advice the wife to do?

The agreement was husband to wife when he gets a job

What really is the hubby's source of concern now?

The fact she does not contribute to the household as expected OR the fact he cannot secure a job yet?

@LaShawn,

Compliments of the season

1st, forget that new iyawo, she might have existing issues with them and is looking for whom to win to her side

2nd, is your hubby to be sensitive to your feelings whether genuine or not?

3rd, wipe your tears; some husband's family like to be a pain in the neck and start to try themselves; if you need to learn to be polite without becoming a pushover.... Anything you will not take/accommodate after marriage, please start rejecting from now. Call them when you can and when it seems they do not appreciate your calls, kindly let them be.

Also discuss with your parents to let them know your fears and try to research their culture and way of life if need be...


P.S.: I think I remember you from the Abused wives thread... Are you still marrying the same guy?

Dyt:
Hahahaha
Infact they prefer married women
Both single/engaged and married men, u wld be surprised how they flock arnd looking for prey

I am not distracted as I am and been used to it

Ok

Tallesty1:
I agree, it was passed down to us by, dunno for sure, some will say elders while Christians will say God.

Owk speaking from a Christian's point of view, The LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. So how comes that the help-meet is more worried about finding a man than the man himself?

Question for the gods!.

Or where it says... he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord?

I have not seen anywhere marriage is set as a priority to females in the Bible

Honestly it's messed up

Dyt:
It can be business at first and then they get to admire

I hardly go out, most of my admirers are customers and even old friends that refresh their contacts and see my number

Admirers can even come frm anywhere not like I printed my phone number on my shirts.

Ok

Draw a clear line between business and pleasure

If they see you are married, that should scare them to back off if conditions are right.

I do not think it is healthy for there to be a lot of admirers at This stage.

chaircover:
The feminism I know is what I have described in my post
Alll other flavours, I dont really understand
What exactly does a Nigerian feminist expect/want/work towards etc bearing in mind cultural and religious beleifs? . .which we cant just throw away like that.
Maybe if I have specific examples, I will understand better.
Can a man provide 100% and the woman nuture 100% and they both live happily and peacefully?
Can we expect a woman who has just put to bed, go and pound yam for oga?
Can we expect a man who has just lost his job, pay for his wife to go shopping abroad?

The definitions are not clear becasue I dont think that anyone has really explained the meaning in great detail as per the way that we live it in Nigeria and also giving examples. . .not oyibo style; for slow to grasp ones like me to understand.

I do not know where you got other flavours from

You have defined feminism so I do not know what other version again there is

@100% provide & nuture: you think it cannot work in practice yet you wonder why feminists should want 100% provisions instead of All women.

Please tell us How the oyinbos live their feminism and How you expect Nigerian feminists to live.

brito:
I warned him all to no avail, I blocked his number and asked my friend to warn him

My point is that is your friend is no friend

What are you still engaging the guy for?

Report him to your guy

Dyt:
I have no issues with u checking my phone
But pls don't question me when u see admirers msgs
Na u know wetin u find go my phone
U only see what u ask of

And yes if I go thru ur phone too, my loss/gain

How do admirers have your phone mumber and the guts to send you messages as a married woman

Tallesty1:
That's true sha, nah God go help us

Amen

brito:
There's this guy that collected my number from a friend, the guy will send msgs like, Divine I love u, I want us to have a relationship. I was surprise someone can do that, I deleted it and offed my data. I didn't respond to it but if my man sees it he won't believe I don't av anything with this guy

You need to change that friend

A friend that will give your number to another man when he/she know's you have someone/married is not a good friend IMHO

You also need to warn that guy off. Switching off your data means nothing and gives his the guts to try his luck another day. Since you know you are not interested, warn him sternly and delete him from your contacts.

He contacts you again, report him to your guy and have him warn him.

Tallesty1:
Even Google will tell you that your search result didn't match any document.

Lol!

You better use God's search engine

If you marry someone with different mindset, back gobe be that

thorpido:
He said he wished she was the one he was marrying and you knew about this statement before you married him.

Why did you accept to be an alternative,the next best option?

The last question na story for the gods

She agreed to be second best and should live with it.

Tallesty1:
I think such marriage is half-dead.

What I have learnt on NL and further interactions is that people's definition of what a marriage should be is so diverse.

It is extremely important that singles get someone with same mindset..

Depends on the marriage

mprexx:
Honestly, I don't get it. I would do same thing you just wrote here if I were in her shoes. It won't be easy, but in life what is?
She has stated she hates him but can't leave him because ...the Lord hates divorce... I don't think I can do that!

Well well

Let's say: she gets a high when she is beaten et al

chaircover:
The google explanation of feminism is
The doctrine and the political movement based on it is that women should have the same economic, social, and political rights as men.

So What I expect to see is women fighting for equal pay, equal number of seats in parliament, equal recognition in their professions etc
But I tend to see feminism mainly mentioned in the family section . . .

I guess people may argue that it all starts in the home, but can we be taken serious if we are fighing over who should do the dishes or change the babys diapers when in some countrys women are not even allowed to drive. In some places in Nigeria, widows have their heads shaved and made to drink water that was used to bath their dead husbands. Some widows are chased out of their homes with nothing when their husband dies.
Isnt that what we should be focussing on?

What I still dont understand is a Nigerian woman shouting feminism, but still expects her man to provide for her, put a roof over her head and buy recharge cards for her, throw a birthday party for her or he is called stingy and in some cases she still exhanges her body in exhange for favours and money.
When a car breaks down, its still the guy that pushes while the woman stays back. . . is that feminism?

Like I said, I still dont understand this flavour of feminism. The One I understand has been detailed on google. The one that fought for women to vote and for girls to be sent to school.

I said it before and I say it again. Both sexes have their own roles to play. There is the provider and there is the nuturer. That is how nature intended it. Of course there can/will be cross over. . . . .finally . . no sex is better than othe other. . . different; Yes!

You believe men and women are different and equal (one not better than the other)

You believe men and women by nature have different roles to play (men = provider & women = nuturer )

Yet you have a problem with a Nigerian feminist who believes men & women are equal however have different roles wanting her husband to provide alone if she is willing to nuture and the forth alone.

I dare say it is antii-feminists who have redefined feminism and expect feminists to conform to the different definitions they have.

How do you expect a Nigerian feminist's marriage to be like?

aflyingbird:
looks gud, as always!


yum!


u sure are!

THANKS

They are superstitions however if you flaunt it in the faces of the custodians, they can invoke those consequences on them.

E.g.: heard of a son of a witch who saw by mistake their rituals which men should not see.

The wise boy confided in his mom who told him to hush and never tell a soul else word would get back to the witches and they will hurt him which would prove the superstition right.

cococandy:
True. Cooking here I come.

The only thing I won't cook here is monkey

Biko, Ebola is still very much around

RoyalRoy:
The Spam Bot mistook one of your posts as spam. So you got banned by it for 24hrs.
Always check your profile when next it occurs so you can mail the mods immediately.

Yes sir

I guess the reply to one dude who asked me to check up a link

omicron:
Jollof rice and fried chicken. You can guess who the other plate is always for

Ya girlfriend/wife/fiance

No mind me, I too like romance

cococandy:
Babyosisi
Edwife
Efemenaxy
Et al foodies

I redecorated my kitchen. What Do you guys think?

Used to have darker countertops. I thought it was too dark. I'm loving the new look.

The lighter color now contrasts beautifully with stuff I place on it. Oga thinks I trouble myself unnecessarily.

I think it is worth the trouble

Beautiful

Inspiration to invent meals will definitely come quicker

What a thread

@OP: Your friend definitely gets high on abuse, please leave her

@ LewsTherin: I get where you are coming from though I doubt the Bible considers remarrying on ground's of divorce due to adultery a sin.

If separation occurs (God forbid) and

1. I have kids: will forget marriage and invest in excellent dildos

2. I have no kids: will pray for clearance to marry... none forthcoming; adopt a kid and invest in....

@lilmax: a lot truly see these signs however if mommy & daddy's marriage was like that, what do you expect?

Some ladies sure saw the signs and well went ahead

RoyalRoy:
Now you can.

Happy Sunday.

Thanks a lot

May I know the reason I couldn't earlier?

crackhaus:
Bukatyne, Bukatyne... na two times I call you oo, so you don't know how feminism got infused into this topic of name change or how it correlates?

I believe it was the Vickyy moniker or someone else who brought feminism into this topic when they mentioned Chimamanda Adichie and Beyonce - or have you forgotten?

The correlation between name change and feminism is simple. According to the person who mentioned it, Chimamanda is a well known feminist who did not change her last name.
Chimamanda believes that taking a man's surname makes a woman lose her own identity, and thus, will only be regarded as an appendage of the man.
She thinks this is what feminism is about - emancipating the woman in marriage and placing her on equal footing with her husband via keeping her own maiden name as the first step.

Honestly, do you not see how silly that sounds? This is just a case of fighting the wrong battles which mean absolutely nothing in the long run.
That a woman hyphenates her surname or keeps it totally without attaching her husbands', does not automatically mean she earns more respect, neither does it make her immune or just totally exempted from being abused/mistreated by him (if that's the kind of person he is).

This here is the person you pseudo-feminists take on as a role model. A person whose sense of worth and identity are dependent on the last name she answers...because according to her, as a feminist she must never be under any man and one way to go about this, is to stick to her maiden name after marriage... Lmao!
And you people wonder why I and other guys think this Chimamanda lady has self-esteem and self-worth issues that must have stuck with her from childhood.

She is a brilliant writer no doubt, but that's about it - just like you lot did, she picked up feminism to sound hip and contemporary...and also to appeal to certain groups of people to further her career.
Does she even have any empowerment programmes aimed at helping underprivileged/abused/mistreated Nigerian women/girls living in Nigeria?
This is an honest question, I don't know really and I doubt she does.
When last was she even in Nigeria, apart from attending the premier and promotion of Half of a Yellow Sun?



The correlation between name change and feminism should be clear to you by now, or do you need me to go on?

Happy Sunday

This post was definitely not addressed to me

The 'you lot' and 'you pseudo -feminists' you were referring to will definitely give you a reply

Let's wait for them

kaima1984:
50% right,for him t talk to sis faith like that,it means that sis faith has been rejecting suitor's my dear,for d fact that he reacted that way on her it means he want d best f her,d pastor is her spiritual director,lastly some issues are solved in an extreme way like this

It is extremely wrong