₦airaland Forum

ihedinobi2:
I don't subscribe to Nairaland's ideas of love. I believe completely that love is an utter thing. You cannot be with someone you're unready to be completely nakëd with. Love is crazy like that: deliberately handing people ammunition to kill you with and telling them just where to use them.

Still, if you keep meeting women who take your deliberate nakédness to them as an opportunity to bend you to their will you steadily acquire the idea that it is not a good thing to be so vulnerable toward the woman you love.

As for pride, it really is another word for daring (or the often-improperly used "confidence". A man is a man because he is a leader. The definition of leadership is the readiness to go ahead and take on the road first. A man without pride - that sense of daring, that sense of responsibility - is a man without his manhood.

Aman is a man because he is a leader?

I don't get you; are you saying women are not leaders?

@women : I do not understand the stooping to conquer proverb; why do you want to conquer somebody? Well na night school I go.

Nigerian women are made for Nigerian men. Look for an international one. They are plenty on NL; translate men's loving gestures to being women wrappers: the guys that suit them kwa are mean again

Then again, na naija way. Before I started working I usually help my younger ones wash their clothes on saturdays with that of my elders so they can have time to rest and do other minimal chores. When they started skoi skoi, I stopped sharp sharp. It must be in the air we breathe.

I have prayed this prayer before: God will help you to meet a woman who will know what love really means and apreciate it.

ihedinobi2:
Madam manhood, masculinity = pride.

I never knew

Must keep up with the times then.

Pride is definitely different from healthy self esteem except you mean it in another context like 'the pride of parents are successful kids' etc

@women = weakness of men; You'al should choose women that appreciate it

I am amused when I read NL's version of husband's love. When a man loves... he does with everything and he is selfless that's why a woman submits for balance.

He puts her first, she puts him first and they are a big happy family

Good morning.

How is Christmas prep going?

ihedinobi2:
How is it strange?

Never mind

OP,


That your definition no longer works and we use 'sex.y' and 'hot' for well dressed, intelligent colleagues.

The circumstances would determine if it is an insult or not. If I am called s.exy when well dressed amongst my peers who know my worth, I will see it as a compliment

If I am dressed like a s.lut with breasts hanging out, s.exy would sure be an insult

ihedinobi2:
Expressing your feelings may not be unmasculine but some women seem to think it really is. The instant they know how much they mean to you you become a toy boy in their eyes. Don't hate men for trying to preserve their pride.

Women are our weak spot. It's not always our fault that we try to eliminate that weakness.

Men and pride

Pride goeth before a fall

Beautiful Pictures


God bless your home

8

bsjay:
My dear, why are you blaspheming? God told you in your dream? That means you saw God in your dream? Are you of the same substantiality with God that He would reveal Himself to you in your false dream? What are all these chaos for? Do you know that even the Archangels Who are of Divine Substantiality cannot look upon the countenance of God? How much more of a poor wretched human being who is not even of a Primordial Spiritual Substantiality but of a mere Spirit seed claiming to see God? Why are you belittling God? Do you know that the nearness of God alone would melt the whole world of Matter away? And that it was for this reason Jesus had to be born as a human being? Christians! Eeeeeeeeeehh...

Excuse me?

eagleeye2:
this was what I was trying to point out.

Pay quotation fees o

RoyalRoy:
.......Learning......


But can we say the In-laws who are educated and knowledgeable are also guilty of these myopic expectations?

Is it a general thing or just for the "not too exposed" in-laws?

It is general however depends on individuals so an unexposed person might be a way better in-law than the exposed ones

Some who are genuine Christians are also good in-laws

I would also say that it depends on How the husband treat and regard his wife in front of his family. If a husband goes my wife is this, that, she cannot do nada in front of them, the wife is in for it. If the hubby tells them immediately that he will not tolerate disrespect to his wife, they will sit tight

Just see it as the 'work of the devil' that a husband or wife must cure the in-law s from

RoyalRoy:
You do have a point Byvan. Guess most men interact less with their in laws unlike women. And the expectations of a woman from her in laws is higher than the man.

Hmmm.

Besides, woman joins the hubby 's family here.

Inlaws from hubby's side have terrible a sense of entitlement and expects wife to conform

Oahray:
lemme answer with the Bible too. The same Paul who wrote that to the Ephesians wrote this to the Phillipians. The context of Ephesians 5:21 shows that it is directed to all Christians. The admonition to husbands and wives starts from verse 22. Never ignore context.

Read Phillipians 2 : 3. I'd quote from many translations.

New International Version
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain
conceit. Rather, in humility value others
above yourselves,

New Living Translation
Don't be selfish; don't try to impress
others. Be humble, thinking of others as
better than yourselves.

English Standard Version
Do nothing from selfish ambition or
conceit, but in humility count others
more significant than yourselves.

New American Standard Bible
Do nothing from selfishness or empty
conceit, but with humility of mind regard
one another as more important than
yourselves;

King James Bible
Let nothing be done through strife or
vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let
each esteem other better than themselves.
http://biblehub.com/philippians/2-3.htm

Isn't it clear? When we view others as better than us or respect them, submission naturally follows. It's the reason Paul tells wives that the husband is the head of his wife, providing the basis for submission. It's the God-given authority that they submit to. It's not rocket science, ma'am.

I don't know why I did not respond you, my apologies

What is the difference between submission you defined and love I defined as referenced in the Bible?

Is a husband not to put his wife first and treat her better than himself?

Does that mean he is inferior to the wife?

Remember those verses are to us as Christians; does that mean all Christians are inferior to each other?

ihedinobi2:
It "should not" be conditional o...


But it is, in fact We love God because He first loved us. And as we to God so the woman to the man.

If men are truly the leaders the Bible makes them out to be, their love should come first. The man's love is what the woman responds to with her submission.

Well well well

Can't remember if I commented on this thread

Strange you have this ideology.

Opened a thread once with this line and it was called non nonsense

It is an individual stuff anyways

SAD story

If the story is true, then the lady was going to die anyways since she was recently disflowered. Some guy will be quaking in his boots now

That said, if the girl was a witch, I don't pity her.

Witchcraft is real and they commit untold havoc.

There is a difference between mental illness and witchcraft.

okotv:
I told you...


you are the best

LOL!

Thanks a lot

Tinubu:
A good man doesn't bring his ego into his matrimonial home



A good wife doesn't push a man into bringing his ego into his matrimonial home



A true marriage is a symbiotic relationship, not a parasitic one

I agree

Ogoanita:
Tnx ure lovely

You are welcome

All the best

Beautiful thread

Ogoanita:
anyways Hes lovely and Good in every aspect, i do stock up hes fridge with different meals and hes always there to help me with one thing or the other, sometimes i wonder if hes helping me out jst cos of we are still dating and all, you know the say pple true character manifest it self in marriage, and this the first time we washed together although ve washes the whole of hes cloth all alone unaided, hes good jst that i notice h

es a bit rigid when it comes to this washin cloth aspect, Hes really Kinf hearted

Then you have a task ahead of you

That he is kind hearted is generic: you need to know what his values are and decide if they align with yours or not. Get to know who the real him is.

It is strange he is open to other things but refer to washing machine as 'western'. That should be a flag and you need to find out other things he considers 'western'

It is all good

God bless you all

Ogoanita:
anyways recently he washed why i rinsed, i talked about buying a washing machine if eventually we get married and guess what? He called me a western woman, any ways i dont want to start what i cant finish so das d deal

Then he has issues with selective 'westernization'. What prompted the issue of you washing alone since you both wash together?

How far are you gone in the relationship?

Is he the type of man who believes a husband should not do chores? Notice I said husband meaning what he does now is irrelevant.

Expecting your answers.

@OP:

Why don't the both of you wash the clothes together?

manny4life:
Only on NL does love translate into washing a man's clothes. Will the man wash her clothes too? Will he cook or go to the market for her as well? A man that sees you as his slave DOES NOT love you but will eventually abuse you when you get married. I wash my own clothes or take it to the cleaners, I don't expect anyone to wash my own clothes. A woman washing a man's clothes should be a privilege NOT a right... Same as a man giving money to his gf should be privilege not a right.

I have gotten a new one...

Cooking, washing and cleaning = love

Maids and dry cleaners must be the best lovers then

Yes, he exists.

hydeka:
You go fear wahala now. I can imagine the NL 'policemen/women' who are always on standby coming out and saying 'why will you shout or pour soup on a man? ..." and na so them go leave the main topic come begin dey bash you.

Chai! nairaland get different kinds of people sha.

LOL!

Na to beg na

Zakkyoz:
Nigeria girl will ever pretend they hate sex. i believe onila of nairaland who enjoys advertising her imaginary and pseudo-virginity needs to check this list.

Maybe the single ladies

When married, everyone claims to love it and those who don't learn.

Maybe it is all about the right thing at the right time.

No single guy will walk boldly to his family that he has put a girl in the family way

LordReed:
It is always a pity to see people use fixable problems as an excuse to cheat.

Well Well

LordReed:
Why you dey laugh na?

The bolded sentence na

Dear OP,

Thank for the mention

Your OP has covered a whole lot. I will just add a little more.

An important thing is to learn what your man/woman wants. I hear several generalizations on what both genders 'want' or 'need' and I cannot relate to either of them. The fact that A worked in your first relationship doesnot mean it would work in B relationship. The fact that people are twins doesnot mean that they will want/dig the same things. The fact that your current partner did something a previous partner did doesnot mean it was done for the same reasons

Another is tolerance... for some reason, we tend to tolerate others than our spouses; There is a tendency I will shout when my husband makes a mistake while driving than an outsider (say a neighbour or colleague); there is a likelihood my husband will complain if I mistakenly pour soup on his body than a colleague at work. (Please note that these are just case studies; I nor get time for NL wahala )

Respect: Our spouses should have our highest respect. Some women cannot kneel for their hubbies and will kneel for a Pastor even younger; I get the Pastor is a MOG however, we all are MOGs and WOGs . Same with men too

Avoid making your partner a topic of discussion among friends; you say too good things, you are courting trouble. Too bad stuffs, you are courting ridicule (There are however some exceptions)

Both parties should also learn to put each other first and make each other happy. Note that what makes your spouse happy is different from what you think makes your spouse happy. E.g., If I am the kneeling type of wifey and what hubby really wants is a romantic wife or a good organizer, the kneeling wife will keep wondering what she is doing wrong. Others will say she is so respectful so why is the hubby still troublesome? (He must be a demon etc.)

Learn to work around your strength; Nothing should be rigid. If hubby likes washing and wifey ironing, nothing stops them from doing just that than insisting A does this and B does that. See marriage as a partnership where both of you pull together all resources to make it work.

We get to learn daily.

It is well

lofty900:
even if u look well b4 marrying d person, that person may change in few years time and u will wonder what happened. marriage aint easy dis days

Most times, people have an idea what they are getting into

People rarely transform in marriage; they just manifest what was latent

lofty900:
If the man is wicked and the mother secures custody of the kids after divorce. The kids will be happy to move in with their mom and it won't have any negative impact on them.

Thank God you are a male

I do not know where they pull all these crazy stats and surveys from

Children have seen their parents battered, beaten and abused and they will not be happy to see the abuser go?

Maybe they are referring to couples who were lovey dovey and decided to divorce the next day

No wonder the family will contiune to be messed up. When peeps will never look well before they marry or leave messed up partners why wouldn't the kids think their parents' lifestyle is normal and continue the cycle?

I would like a survey on how kids from terrible homes who are married fare.

LordReed:
I cannot believe that a married woman whose couchie was not smelling before encounters such a thing and decides to be nonchalant about it and compounds it with being abrasive to her husband's concern.

2buff you are not married so what experience are you going by? My experience has lead me to what I wrote so call it self righteous if you will.

@bolded:

LOL!