₦airaland Forum

MissMeiya:
My mother hammered the same advice to me. Ever since I was a young girl. Shine your motha effin eye.

My dear, listen to it.

If a woman marries the man God designed for her, she will see heaven on earth and all the enjoyment she thinks she had during courtship will pale to what she will experience in marriage

If she allows one spre spre speaking rofo deceive her, na she sabi.

A man can force his wife to submit more than the other way round. If this OP came to me and I told her not to 'submit' her salary, I will be the same person to follow her to beg if her husband throws her out.

If a husband doesnot love his wife, no police go catch am o!

ukandi1:
These are some of the reasonswhy d men are dieing . D society is so ill informed in Africa such that it is forbidden for a man who earns less than his wife to ask for financial help from her.
For God's sake what is wrong with d woman adding her salary to that of her man so that they can plan together?
Two become one, does it exclude finances?
Is it a curse unto d man to pick up a woman and marry her that he has to financially exhaust himself while d woman throws her own pay around in ways not helpful to d husband?
What is wrong with d psyche of the average blackman?
I wil walk away from my marriage d moment my wife starts making cash and sees it as her own while my paltry pay is for us. There are rules of engagement here so if her cash is removed cos d society has found reasons to justify it, then i cannot work myself to death, and i will not be afraid of societal interpretation to it, I will simply walk away .

The bold is a serious question I would like answers to

5minsmadness:
Its is socially unacceptable to hear that a man gives his salary to his wife. Having said that I know of a couple who the man does exactly that, reason being that she is more prudent in spending than he is. He has no saving habit and found out his wife does better at saving and planning family expenses. So he gives her his salary and she calculates the amount of money he needs for the month and gives him back while saving the rest.

LOL! @ socially unacceptable

What will I not hear on NL!

Single ladies, use the courtship period very wisely! It is not the time to eat sharwama or drink gulder; it is not the time to mark register in all eateries and joints. It is not the time to show your se.x ua.l prowness either

Study your man! Study your man!! Study your man!!!

90% of all these behaviours are evident before marriage; marriage does not transform people overnight to either good or bad. They only exhibit what has been inside of them.

Look well and well before saying I do; Any comment you do not like or you are not comfortable with made in passing must be treated; watch out how he handles issues of others especially marriage/relationship issues.

You cannot force a man to love you; if he does not, you cannot wash, cook or f.uk your way into his heart. You might force/manipulate him to marry you but after the wedding, he will show you sege!


Also pray and pray to whatever you believe in.

It is very terrible when a lady misses it in marriage. Even if she divorces/separates from the man, she will still feel the pain for a while.

freecocoa:
But seriously, how do people get a place where such things happen in their marriages? I mean who do they marry?

I can't imagine my husband giving me conditions and vice versa.

Honesty, most of these stuffs are like magic

Kachisbarbie:
Is this life imprisonment in a maximum security prison ?
OP please what is your full name?

I wanna make sure my younger sisters avoid men with a combination/permutation of your name
___not because your assertion is wrong, but the way you spelt them out...hmm, shows you would be very rigid.

LOL!

When we have kids, we need to start praying earnestly for the people they will associate with

Mondisweets:
"our schools" are u in Michigan?

Like i already said he/she gave a very biased judgement and his/her competency as a judge must be questioned. As a judge you apply the law, you don't become the law.

Our school in Nigeria o!

This must be a joke?

I pity your wife tossed to and fro

Mondisweets:
she should be charged for fraud too. She lied about who the father of her child was, just to get a benefit. In fact whoever the judge was should be taken off the panel of judges completely, clearly he/she doesnt know his/her purpose.

Are you sure it's not the type of roforofo lawyers we graduate in our schools?

If the child's paternity was in doubt or the woman insisting that he fathered her child, I will understand. All indications show he is innocent so what is their P?

Since your hubby was transfered by his company abroad, can't he not request for a transfer back to Nigeria on family grounds? This way, he is not coming to Nigeria to sit down as opposed to you going abroad to do nothing?

On the other hand, is your line in hot demand abroad? Is your company an multinational one that will make good references abroad? So your hubby can help you apply for openings where he stays? In that case, it is better you get the promotion to increase your chances of getting another job

Looking for a win win situation because I also do not like families living apart.

Mondisweets:
This is absolute rubbish, the judge must have been high on crack when he gave that judgement! Its not his child, why should he be compelled to paying child support? Even the mother is also against the idea, wtf?!

Maybe they think the man cannot defend himself

NGOs should better pick up the case because him paying for a child that is not his is serious injustice.

The woman should be charged to court for defamation of the man's character & slander

I thought there is a saying that only a mother knows the father of her child?

Was this one f.uck.ing with her eyes closed?

honeric01:
Let's not go deep.

I do not believe Nigerian men wants their wives to suffer, if not, majority of what we have as gadgets in the homes won't even enter Nigeria in the first place.

Those who are with men that are against buying gadgets or using them are reaping the reward of their own decisions just like men who married 5 inches fingernails wives who do nothing but order other people's children around to take care of them!

Gadgets entered the Nigerian market as a money spinning machine

@Nigerian men & not wanting their wives to suffer: I can't say

There are great Nigerian husbands though

honeric01:
Now this is funny, how many educated men stop their wives from making money?

LOL!

honeric01:
And Okonjo / Maduekwe nko?

The economy a man laid down for her to run, an economy where those surrounding her are majorly men.. check her cabinet to see for yourself.

Like I said, I no wan go deep into that aspect so we don't turn here upside down.

So who laid down the economy for Jonathan? A ghost? Okonjo's precessor was a man so I do not know who should have laid it

MadCow1:
Many of them underestimate the tolerance many women are putting up with in marriages..

The case of the new mother, she actually broke out I tears I the middle of sex with her husband because she felt like she was being molested by him.. How do you smack your wife around, call her names like whoore, sllut and biitch and then later stick your phallus into her.. Imagine the suffering a woman like that has to go through.. Pounding yams and washing a kitchen full of pots and pans pales in comparison to this type of suffering.

Thanks for been objective

Yes, there are very good husbands but some guys are just

ferdimako:
You want better things but your maid is suffering from you.

Maid ke?

I prefer having necessary stuffs @home or hubby & I working our asses off than having a maid

akinsadeez:
But in Nigeria we all know that it is the wife that does the cooking in the home. Now any loving husband can cook for his wife from time to time as a loving gesture but a situation where the husband is in the kitchen everyday cooking for his wife is just not normal in our culture.
Imagine the husband's parents coming to stay with them for a few days and then seeing their son in the kitchen everyday cooking and serving the food.
Your friend should sit his wife down and tell her that cooking for her everyday has gone beyond a romantic gesture. When they were courting, their understanding must have been that she would do the cooking in the house and that shouldn't suddenly change in the marriage. If she refuses then he can also simply refuse to enter the kitchen and cook.

I understand you

My grouse is the way he passed his point across

pickabeau1:
Is there anything new here
When you lot are filled to the brim with your man bashing örgy you will move onto the next topic which of course will be something the man has done again..

Endless and recycled topics...

Ok then

iconize:
Your comparison has nothing to do with this matter.

The wife is not the breadwinner of the family, so she absolutely has no reason to consider herself a slave.

I was doing comparison dude

aisha2:
And my sisters keep falling for this circle of endless banter.

I no dey fall for anything o!

LOL!

pickabeau1:
Must these tales be recycled all to denigrate men?


As has been correctly noted, washing mc is penetrating gradually.

In less than 5 years, it will be a household staple

Domestic abuse is to be condemned irrespective of gender

But it has go go down to male bashing....OK

NL .....bashing naija men since 1960

In this case, it is the husbands that will be bashed if necessary

Besides no husband bashing, just stating facts.

iconize:
Not really. He wants the wife to take full responsibility.

That's better than saying he is her slave

Imagine a woman saying that she is tired of handling the bills because she is not his slave?

Choice of words

Happy Married Life!

You are my hubby's namesake

God will bless your home

You both look sweet

iconize:
I've got this friend of mine, a self-employed dude that has been married for two years.

His marital ordeal is what some would "wicked romance". In his two years of marriage, he has been the chief cook of the home.

His wife wants him to cook and serve her because she finds it romantic.

After he spoke to me about this, I chirped him that the romantic nonsense might just be a decoy she's using to sugar coat her laziness or perhaps her inability to make good meals.

But he made it clear that the wife is not the lazy type, and just for the record, she does the home chores even as a working class chic.

According to him, she could pass for the epitome of a good wife if "cooking" would be excluded as a yardstick to determine a good African wife.

When I tried inquiring about the wife's cooking prowess, he told me that the wife sometimes used to make him good meals during their dating days.

With one year and some months gone, he's beginning to feel he's not getting the real man/husband treatment completely from the wife.

Though he's not really complaining, he now sees himself as a slave to the wife, who cooks and serves the wife on daily a basis - when reserve should be the case.

As an African man, he believes cooking should be the wife's job not the husband's job.

Now, this one strange perpetual romantic work for my bruv.

Friends, y'all have got to help this "male cook" with advice(s).

SO he wants the wife to be a slave to him?

Some husbands sef

Depends on the relationship between them and the wife's orientation/belief system

Most husbands like that are really the money miss roads and ancientic 1500s' husbands

I agree with Nashville that most people who do not have the gadgets cannot afford them but my issue would be with the husband not helping.

Don't mind what most people say online joor

Cece23:
He wasn't like this at all.He changed from bad to worst.

Meaning he was once bad and just became more than you can handle?

What does your husband currently do?

Did you both discuss individual career path/goals before marriage?

Do you have flair for business?

Do you have kids yet?

Why really does he want you to resign? Do you earn more than him?

Emaprince:
a man is working his @ss off trying to provide for her lazy @ss and she's never content..smh..
I bet your aunt may be seeing somebody else already..hence, everything her husband does will never please her..

And you did not see where she said the husband did not let her work?

@OP: To do your friend good, you must know what caused the changes. The man cannot change overnight without a reason

After knowing the reason, we can proffer a probable solution

Sunnybobo3:
Maka ndi uta

Good one, weldone

ihedinobi2:


Still basking in the honeymoon, aren't you? The first year didn't turn out to be so hard after all. Lol.

Well, about #2, I guarantee you that it is true. When it works out with the first one you chose and with whom you find that, er, resonance, it's like it could never possibly be better. But should you somehow lose them and let yourself go with somebody new, I think that you can take this to the bank: you could be very pleasantly surprised.

The last time I loved made me wonder if I was lying when I said I loved my ex (the one before that). It was perfect. And although my ex and I didn't fit well I really poured myself out for her so I didn't imagine that it could ever be better. Then the last one happened.

About #3, I'm inclined to agree. "Unfortunately", I don't know how to draw lines in love. Apart from sex and all manner of sexual intimacy, I love while dating like I'm already married to the person. So I don't expect much difference (well, sex is a pretty big deal so maybe I do expect a little more difference than that ) after we're hitched.

But for some people there is a shock. Generally, people put their best foot forward when they're dating and try to avoid rocking the boat. So the first year is a serious reality adjustment for lots of people. Or so it appears. I don't do very well with maintaining impressions myself. It's one trait of mine that I consider childish but when I'm down for someone role-playing just hangs awkward on me.

LOL! @ Honeymoon; It will be forever for us

Marriage will be 6months on 17th of this month.

I never expected it to be hard; we dated/courted for about 8yrs so really, our wedding ceremony was just a legalization of our marriage in the eyes of people (and God but He knew).

@Soulmates: I believe there is this one person God has created for you that will be a perfect fit. (Not that the person is not be perfect). Some people are lucky not to miss their chances, some people do and might have to work harder to have a peaceful home.

I 100% know that my hubby was my perfect fit and vice versa and I thank God we both did not miss it even if we were very young (Met him when I was 17 & he 21)

@ Your way of handling courtship: I pray that God gives you a woman who thinks the same way else it will be very tasking and frustrating for you

ihedinobi2:
Thank you.

Marriage is a selfless relationship. Selfishness ruins it. Human beings have real problems with selfishness. Thus marriage is pretty tough for us. But we aren't completely hopeless though.

Just going through the thread again

I disagree with nos 2 & 3

There might be good fits, but there is a perfect fit (the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh)

I have already stated my disagreement on the hard work aspect

Goodnight

mcdokwe:
u prolly didn't read me well. She wouldn't say anything different. She did a lot of research during her pregnancy and let me in on everything that informed her choices.

I maintain that labour pain doesn't last. Unless of course you mean other pains associated with child birth which could be as a result of incisions and all that.

So long as you've not given birth, take it that I have a better idea than u do.

Yes daddy