₦airaland Forum

Nashville:
I say men and women are not equal. However, I have never said either is superior. Men and women are different. Now, can you give an example how you have not been given the same level ground or opportunities as any other guy? Lol. I want to catch you now.

Based on your definition of not equal, no two persons are equal in this world yet I see myself and my fellow women as equals BUT different.

The truth is if two things are NOT equal, one is superior to the other. The word is 'different'

@your question: No, because I have never seen myself as 'unequal' and sometimes, there are systems in place

zeb04:
How can you say a woman is unequal to a man because she reasons differently, doesn't speak the same way you do e.t c.jsnt it clear you are of different genders.....how can she speak same way you do

I think these waves of feminism needs to continue. So much still needs to be done

LOL!

crackhaus:
Correction:
Men behave like they are different from women, the inherent problem however is that this behavior comes off as 'superiority' to some of you ladies.

This highlights one point in the OP - only a woman with inferiority complex labels a man who tells/explains to her how different he is from her as 'acting superior'.

A man is equal to a woman by reason of just being both human, but that's about it.
In every other thing, the inequality is clear for all to see - we do not think the same way, we do not feel the same way, we do not talk the same way, we are not treated the same way, we do not abide by the same biological rules, we do not love the same things, we do not love the same way... I could go on.

That a woman is more emotional than logical, more prone to competing with themselves, or more materialistic, does not mean she is inferior - it means she is different and a woman.

A strong woman is not one who fights and screams to be treated like a man, but one who is confident in herself, in her gender, and has no problem accepting the fact that she is and will only ever be a woman...thus, cannot totally be treated as if she were a man.

I disagree with the bolded

I am different from my Igbo friend yet I don't feel inferior to her;

Even on NL, those who say men and women are not equal mean that men are superior; there are several threads to that effect.

Based on your point, no two humans are equal yet women do not feel inferior to themselves or men to themselves on a basic level

I doubt equality to be treated like a man/woman. It is giving everyone the same level ground & opportunities. If a person now messes up, fine.

And equality and equity can go along just fine

I would be worried if my 19yr old wants to marry a 21yr old guy.

If they have the resources and maturity to make it work, it is real sweet and much better than sleeping together in a bf/gf relationship.

Nonso23:
Please don't twist my words.
I've been advocating for zero tolerance for both parties since my first post on this thread.
My recommendation was for women who would still want to keep their marriage.

Twist your words how?

Are you saying that there is no man who will wish to keep his marriage with an adulterous wife?

Sophyrocks:
You see what we are talking about? They want us to confront mistresses but they cannot confront admirers chasing their wives. the very moment their wives cheat, Even when they hear that they were found talking or flirting with other men, they would send them packing immediately without any confrontation. you see why i say they take women to be stup1d?

They did not force us to confront their mistress na.

Nonso23:
The question should be 'how soon would you start divorce proceedings?'
Zero tolerance.
If it was a one-off thing like flings et al 'maybe' i could try to understand.

But a steady lover?? No time to deal with trust issues.
Straight to her villa the next day.

And you want us women to confront our husbands' lovers.

Hmm...

Thank you for your honesty

edwife:
I did not say that there is something wrong with her,but something wrong if cogar decides to stay with her....

He does not share this belief,simple....

Ok madam

Nonso23:
What agreement?
The one he's breaking everyday with her? Is it no supposed to be adultery? Isn't that a breach of the 'contract'?

Are you saying you don't mind a cheating partner?

Nonso, in all honesty will you confront your wife's lover?

moca:
Eeh now
Abi u no dey see guys confront fellow guys to stay off their babes for school?
So why wouldnt they extend it to wifey?

LOL!

edwife:
How do you mean dear?

Please expand a little bit....

You sounded like there is something wrong with the OP with your post .... Do you really believe that he will stay with such a wife under the same roof for 24hrs?

Kay17:
Ok, we understand the ideals of love and submission from the OP, now to the practical aspects. The OP seems to suggest that the love and consequent submission of a wife to her husband, is entirely a reciprocal nature. That the husband must take the first step of love and without this first step, the wife will not submit nor love.

I think this places the fortunes of the marriage in the hand of the husband because an unloving husband automatically creates an unloving wife. This also conflicts with the Christian ideals of love. Love is supposed to be ubiquitous amongst Christians. A Christian is a lover of Christ and of his neighbours. And the Christian is of both sexes/genders. So irrespective of the gender, a Christian must be loving.

Now, back to the context of marriage, the wife is placed in a very difficult position by being asked to be a Christian (who must love all her neighbours) and at the same time a wife who must only reciprocate to her husband's love.

Assuming the wife decides to initiate the first step by loving the husband, does the husband reciprocate by loving her and then submitting or not? How will this be resolved?

And as a last issue, the relevant bible verses only touch on marriage and not on courtship, what is the priority of love in courtship and what is the priority of submission?

Hi Kay17,

Welcome to the thread

Since Christian marriages are in discussion, I would always say love first before submission becasue that is the order obtainable in Christ & the Church's relationship. The marriage has always been in the husband's hands because he is the leader and should lead by example. There are bible verses that tell us that God loved us first before we reciprocated and I do not think that negates the principle of love.

If a believing wife married an unbeliever, she has the duty of upholding the marriage whether he loves her or not

A woman loving first? Well, the husband should reciporate.

@Love & submission in courtship, I believe and encourage it. Once a couple is in courtship, it is believed that they have agreed to get married and are getting to know themselves. There is no magic in the vows that makes an unsubmissive woman become a submissive wife and vice versa. Both of them must start learning how to relate with eachother from the courtship which will be carried out in marriage.

edwife:
Lol TV ,i did not procure any caro for him,but sarah.....

Do you really believe he will stay with such a wife under the same roof for 24h?

Is there something wrong the in OP or am I missing something?

moca:
Sooooo, men, when will u guys start confronting d men in ur wives lives?

And erm, if u find out she is bedding adenuga or one army general,pray tell us how u will go about it since confrontation is the koko now

Nashville where r u? U must defend this ur hot topic o

A husband will confront his wife's side boo? esp in Nigeria?

Let me spread my mat

aisha2:
Do you think I reported immediately he started calling me? It took me months to say it out because I assumed just telling him off will do it.

Stalkers are not normal people they are sick people with a twisted version of reality what works with normal people does not work with them.

Stalkers are not normal chasers, stalkers are mentally ill so ignoring their calls will only make them feel you want them but you are playing hard to get. Infact when I started shouting for help people assumed I was exaggerating till I gave someone my phone for the night who thought he could ward off the stalker for where?

Please read up on stalkers explaining to you may not make sense if you havent been a victim or known someone who was

I know stalkers are c.razy that is why I propose action real fast.

aisha2:
The man will probably say to the mistress "You see the mad woman I have to put up with abi?" and the mistress will rub his big stomach and say "Sorry Baby I can imagine" while the wife is home going crazy dialing mistresses number calling pastor and sending text messages

You are wicked o!

aisha2:
You earlier said people will only keep disturbing if you give attention. Sometimes men feel they can handle it or feel ashamed to say a woman is harrassing them same way they feel ashamed to say they are being abused physically or emotionally.

It doesnt mean they love or condole the attention. Men with mistresses are different from men being stalked. Who wants 50 missed calls a day?

Desperate times call for desperate measures

A stalker cannot stalk you forever if you take an action to curb it.

If you do not 50missed calls daily, after 2days or 1week you will do something about it.

Not doing anything is also a form of consent. If my colleague touches me in a sensitive part of my body and I do not say anything, he simply takes it as an encouragement to go a step higher.

shymexx:
Yes, you do have a point.

But women also need to learn the art of earning respect.

And I also think women also need to stop trying to date men far above their class/level. When the differential between the two parties is too wide, the opinions might sound somewhat harebrained, to be honest.

100% except she is willing to be a robot

aisha2:
There are stalkers ohhhhh. Please lets not make the assumption that its only when you give them attention they stay. Stalkers have a sickness they twist reality. I had one, it was bad, never showed him the slightest interest but he had already made me his wife in his mind and had named our kids. Will call me 20 times first thing in the morning followed by a barrage of text messages, threaten to come to my hosue, my office send me pictures of myself, my family etc. It was bad. People laughed it off and said the guy was in "Love".I however reported to the Security agencies and he was invited after sending some threats asked to write never to contact me again.

Watch channel 171 there is a special program on stalking and stalkers. A man stalked a couple claiming to be their son infact almost killed them. Stalking is bad and dangerous, has nothing to do with the victim giving attention or lack of it

You took actions because you were not interested and told people about it.

If a stalked man reports to his wife, family, friends and necessary authorities, a solution will be found

pickabeau1:
Bravo!

Thanks

yme1:
My Answer:
A man should not be equal to a woman because, Men are physically stronger by nature, they are usually more aggressive and externally oriented. In contrast, a woman usually embodies the ideal of inner dignity. By me saying a man and woman should not be equal does not mean a woman is inferior and the man is superior. In the real sense, women are emotionally more stronger than a man and they can either break a man or build him.

Men and women are naturally different in physical strength and emotional strength, they think differently, even dress differently, speak with different voice and pitch and their whole internal system body and mind is different so with this in mind there is a purpose for those differences and their social rights cannot be the same but can benefit each other and society.

Ok, thanks

Kimoni:
Coogar but it's not a different case now, a mistress that is bent on having a man will call severally, send him endless nude pictures, send him flowers, you know how women do these things, shouldn't the wife step in at this stage?

3 days and 3 nights outside my house? Na OPC go shoot the man accidentally

Wait o,

Someone wants you to put your hand inside fire... if there an amount of pleading that will make you put your hand in the fire?

Why would a woman keep stalking a man when he shows no interest persistently?

Even guys back off a girl after her not giving them face repeatedly.

yme1:
Neither did I say it was, I used that as an example from the different forms of equality that is being fought for

If you read from the beginning of my post you can see I touched another aspect relating to pay at work

Again, To each its own

I said your post brought my thoughts into focus

What I was not clear about, I asked and I am still waiting for your reply

Nashville:
Not always the same. From the picture, the left was equality. Treating everybody the same way. The right was equity - which is more like fairness. My whole point is that men and women cannot always be treated the same way all the time because it may not be always fair.

If we are going that route, it is not fair to pay men and women the same wage for the same job done: A man would most likely be the breadwinner and will definitely need more money

It is not fair to employ men and women based on their skills; it is would fairer to employ more men for the reason above

Who determines what is 'fair'

yme1:
Superiority and Equality are two different thing.
Like I said earlier, two captains can't call the shots. The world does not work that way, everyone can't be equal in terms of power, status, riches, talent, intelligence, et al that same arithmetic applies to man and woman.

As stated earlier this is my own opinion and differs from some others

You seem not to understand my question.

I want to leave marriage out of it and discuss in general

This is my question below:

bukatyne:
@Bolded: A man should not be equal to a woman (as in a man is superior or a man has pen.s; a woman has v.gay type of 'inequality')?

pickabeau1:
I agree with you on the approach to his wife

Again, there is no love without correction.

If (God forbid evil ) my husband starts behaving like a tout in his work place or quarrelling with all his colleagues and our neighbors, is it not my duty to correct him?

That was one of the problems I had with Tiwa's husband: what husband does not complain when his wife dresses like an harlot? One who does not care about the marriage. If he saw a future with her, would not caution her for posterity sake?

I will have reservations about a spouse that cannot correct me when I am wrong because the Bible says 'Iron sharpenth Iron'. Infact, we both see ourselves as a representative of the family which cautions us in our conduct outside and ambassadors of Christ which helps us caution our conduct towards each other

dein77:
You're welcome! Nice meeting you here.

Thanks

pickabeau1:
So correcting the person is good just not publicly?
Is that love too

The idea of love one gets around these parts is one of an easy, fuzzy, hubby let me do what i want type




What is the contextual meaning to you

That's what I typed in my earlier post.

@bolded: There is a difference between dealing with adults (your wife/husband) and kids. If a husband/wife does not like something the spouse has done, he/she ought to tell the spouse in love and they settle it.

Can you expand the correction you mean?

dein77:
Yes. He had the right to demand our love and loyalty, having first displayed such lofty and selfless character Himself.

I believe each spouse should concentrate MORE on their responsibility than on the responsibility of their partner. What I stated in my first comment has really worked for me; I endeavor to love my wife: that's my duty. Now, it may not be the case with all women, but it has worked for me. According to Ephe 5:25-29'

The duty of husbands is to love their wives. The love of Christ to the church is an example, which is sincere, pure, and constant, notwithstanding her failures. Now this may not be easy, but that's exactly what Apostle Paul meant in that passage.

Thanks a lot

pickabeau1:
Interesting perpsective

I like what u said on love and submission being directly proportional so i will ask you what kind of love are you talking of

Remember love has two dimensions

Pro 27.5 Open rebuke is better than secret love


Pro 10.12b Love covereth all sins


bukatyne,... i will like your comments also

Love covereth all sins: when you love someone, you will not lie against the person, steal from him or her etc. Remember Jesus summed all the commandments to 'love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul and with all your might & love your neighbor as yourself'

You also have to look at the contextually meaning; I sometimes read all the chapter or topic to grasp what a particular verse is saying.

@ Open rebuke is better than secret love: hmm...

yme1:
I think equality can be right and wrong at the same time. It all depends on what point of view and ones perspective on it.
I am in full support of the equal pay for equal work between a man and a woman but then again someone else might argue against this.

But I do believe in this fight for equality, in general a man cannot or should not be equal to a woman especially in marriage, two captains they say cannot call the shots in one ship. it is either they both put ideas together and one person gives out the orders from the gathered idea or risk the ship sinking

For some, fighting for equality might be same as fighting for justice and fairness

To each its own.

@Bolded: A man should not be equal to a woman (as in a man is superior or a man has pen.s; a woman has v.gay type of 'inequality')?

equality /ɪˈkwɒlɪti,iː-/

noun

noun: equality; plural noun: equalities

1.

the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, or opportunities.

"an organization aiming to promote racial equality"

synonyms: fairness, justness, equitability, impartiality, even-handedness, egalitarianism, equal rights, equal opportunities, non-discrimination;

antonyms: inequality

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=what+is+the+definition+of+equality&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7WZPG_enNG434&gws_rd=ssl

equity/ˈɛkwɪti/
noun

noun: equity; singular proper noun: Equity; noun: Equity

1.
the quality of being fair and impartial.

"equity of treatment"

synonyms: fairness, fair-mindedness, justness, justice, equitableness, fair play;

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=what+is+the+definition+of+equality&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7WZPG_enNG434&gws_rd=ssl#rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-SearchBox&q=what+is+the+definition+of+equity


I edit this later

Before I edit, yme1's post just brought to focus what I was thinking immediately I read the OP:

99% of people who say men and women are not equal are not coming from a 'men has pen.s; women have v.gay' or 'men like blue women like pink' thingy but from a 'men are superior to women' aspect.