₦airaland Forum

RoyalRoy:
Lollz.... Exactly my thought... You couldn't have said it better.
Will a spouse give out money they know their immediate family will suffer later on?

Do you need permission to know how much u can afford to gift out to people?

Na real Permission seeking marriage!!!!

Permission to Poo go soon follow.

Hahaha

Happy Sunday Bukatyne.

Happy Sunday to you too

RoyalRoy:
[color=black][size=15pt] NO.[/size][/color]


I won't ask her for permission. Same as I don't expect her to tell me. It's her money, they are her parents........ And also its "our' money, they are my parent.....Got it?

I doubt some people know What permission means. An ideal couple know What is in the purse and the projects on ground so naturally they will know what they can spare.

A secondary school student has more 'freedom" than some married peeps honestly.

Permission to sleep, permission to eat, permission to go out, permission to smile, permission to ask for permission . I guess marriage turns people to vegetables who cannot think anymore

Even God doesn't expect mere humans to seek this much permission from Him sef

God help all the permission seekers and givers

@Coogar:

I want to believe you're just trying to be hilarious

God expects the same standard of morality especially sex,ua. lly from men and women hymen or not.

The biblical punishment has always been same in all cases. Bible students will tell you that the Bible stresses male sex.ual purity than females. Not to say females are not to be pure.

@Male virginity: quite a number of guys married as virgins and are very very very proud of it. There is nothing as a man and woman explore about se.x together especially as virgins. I know some who put on white suits to symbolize purity. I know of an author who all her kids married as virgins and she &her husband were one.

Frankly, i doubt any religion promotes or overlooks male immorality. Muslims have similar standards for their men & women.

Men and women, keep yourself pure

I am clarifying this for people who will read this later.

kemtol:
All has been well my dear, of atruth, the journey has been tough but god has been faithfull.

I relocated to another state to start all over again but honestly speaking, in a couple of weeks it ll be five years but i ve not yet strong, bold and confident to hit the dating scene yet .

I love my life and routine as it is presently though will not hesitate if the opportunity present itself to remarry.

My son is doing great as well.

To every one that rendered their advice, i say god bless you, to all that that chastise me, i thank you and to all that made a mockery of my issue, god is still god.

To a very special person that reached out to me financially on this faceless forum, i may not know u but god sure does. God bless u plenty.

Thank u all for the time and concern.All has been well my dear, of atruth, the journey has been tough but god has been faithfull.

I relocated to another state to start all over again but honestly speaking, in a couple of weeks it ll be five years but i ve not yet strong, bold and confident to hit the dating scene yet .

I love my life and routine as it is presently though will not hesitate if the opportunity present itself to remarry.

My son is doing great as well.

To every one that rendered their advice, i say god bless you, to all that that chastise me, i thank you and to all that made a mockery of my issue, god is still god.

To a very special person that reached out to me financially on this faceless forum, i may not know u but god sure does. God bless u plenty.

Thank u all for the time and concern.All has been well my dear, of atruth, the journey has been tough but god has been faithfull.

I relocated to another state to start all over again but honestly speaking, in a couple of weeks it ll be five years but i ve not yet strong, bold and confident to hit the dating scene yet .

I love my life and routine as it is presently though will not hesitate if the opportunity present itself to remarry.

My son is doing great as well.

To every one that rendered their advice, i say god bless you, to all that that chastise me, i thank you and to all that made a mockery of my issue, god is still god.

To a very special person that reached out to me financially on this faceless forum, i may not know u but god sure does. God bless u plenty.

Thank u all for the time and concern.

God be with you and will provide another husband when He is ready.

God be with your son

jmoore:
I can't beg any girl to give me money or material things.


Can we say no country is really independent because every country imports something?

Is dependence only money wise? What about ideas, love, commitment, care etc?

What if tomorrow things go south, will you not require help?

Even God needs us humans to praise Him.

jmoore:
An independent woman does not complain if her bf decides not to help her.
An independent woman is not a liability.

Hmmm

I hope an independent man doesn't complain when his gf does not help either

I think I go with UjSizzle on this

No one is truly independent; we are more of interdependent and dependent

Beautiful story

I am happy the lady was patient enough to wait for Dayo to be saved after God revealed Him to her.

Lola ayanfe Dayo, ku orire

Orirere lori mi o (Orirere)

Latin kekere moti moluwa (Orirere)

Mosi tun dagba ninu imole (Orirere).

Lola, queen of Dayo 's heart

It is so beautiful to marry the soulmate God made for yo!

butanep:
I am still kind of confused why most people see marriage as the next step immediately after their first degree...
This guy graduated from school and got a job that is paying a little bit after some months and has been working for one year now. This guy has so much passion for education and he sees marriage as a disturbance to his academic pursuit. He will be 29 by december.
His parents are bothering him to get marriage but he just want to acquire a higher degree and other professional certification before setting down. He felt the burden will be too much if he decide to shoulder both responsibility...
He his confused because his parents are on his neck to get married and also his girlfriend is not finding his decision friendly...
What advise will you offer, if you are in a position to advised this person? Get married first or pursue his academics first or face the burden of handling both...

THE fact that he sees marriage as a disturbance means he is not ready to get married and will be martial suicide to suggest so

He should free his girlfriend and pursue his education but he should note that higher educational qualifications might not immediately translate to higher earnings and better life.

I am not of the school of thought that one must achieve 'all's before getting married

Permission: no

Inform: yes

ifyalways:
@Blacklion,i'm in naija and have 3 boys  all below 4 years.I don't have a live-in help.

The help is a 22 yrs old female undergraduate.My boys leave school/Crech by 4pm and that is when her work starts (monday to friday),she works from 4pm to 8pm and i get back home between 5pm to 7pm depending on my schedule.On saturdays,she works from 7am to 12pm and her pay is 20K.I have cameras installed and very proud to say that i've not been disappointed.she's been behaving well.

She is happy,I'm very satisfied.Point is,regardless of where u live,if u  decide on NOT enslaving another womans child cos u have the means or feel you are doing her a favour,u can!
Forget all this story of "I would put her in school,she is just there to play with my kids" all are booolsheet.Bottomline is,wud you let your OWN 8-15 yrs child live with another person,afterall the person wud put him/her in school,treat her well

slave trade has been abolished but slave mentality and spirit still thrives in us.Tufia!

Nice one
Thanks for sharing

EfemenaXY:
^^ Haha!

You're only just seeing this?

Gosh, I miss Debrief. I really, really do...

I am just seeing it

I miss Debrief too

Lol Efe, just the way you have desperate runs girls na so these group of men dey operate oh.

Like the Poster said they have the flashiest, sharpest clothes, sweetest tongue, hire big cars from car dealers.
Target rich widows, rich married women who they sense are abandoned, they always have a business deal to "push".

Governors wives are usually easy preys when they get their contacts as a lot of them feelabandoned and have some money to spend.
One heard I was divorced but didn't research well to know I was remarried, started sending me flowers, expensive perfumes and gifts.
My husband told me to play along, after like one week of spending his money he decided to go for the kill, invited me to dinner at the Hilton, I went in first while my husband came behind, My friend finished showing off his gold membership of the Hilton, His watch and phones, when I ordered I ordered for 2, I had already asked him if I could have company come along, I guess he assumed I was bring another potential sugar mummy.
Any way my husband arrived, na so I get up kiss am introduced him I could see the colour drain off his face, I am sure he was calculating how much he wasted on this "bad business". All the show off stopped, almost turned to open hostility.
Me and Y oga enjoyed our dinner and night out with a "friend" thanked him for a night out and told him "its hard taking time out with kids"

My dear I am sure he will shoot us if he had a gun

LOL! I can imagine the look on his face

faithugo64:
it doesn't mean you are not from your state anymore,i really dont know how to explain furthur. I dont want to get this all the more twisted.

Ok

faithugo64:
you dont get me,do you?if your husband is a muslim or a christian but not from your denomination,u are expected to change to his religion or denomination.

Again,if your husband is from ogun state and you are from abia state,d moment you get married to him,you will be officially addressed as someone from ogun state and if ever a circumstance which requires you to state ur state of origin arises,u are expected to state that you hail from ogun state(your husband's place)that is what i meant when i said everything changes once a lady gets married

if a male child is born out of wedlock,there is need for him to know his father. Staying with his mother limits him to alot of things,no need explaining this one,you should understand.

I still do not get you

A married woman's state of origin is her state of origin regardless of who she married. Infact, changing it is fraud

As per religion, it depend's on what was agreed.

I agree that all children out of wedlock should know their fathers if possible.

If there really is a difference in ratio, I would tie it to the Fact most kids out of wedlock are unplanned for so the parents might have used contraceptives which failed; had unprotected s,e.x and the XX cells stayed in the woman's body till an egg was ready to be fertilized.

faithugo64:
ofcourse the male child will marry someday but then dont forget that the moment the female child gets married,she changes her name,hometown,religion e.t.c. to that of her husband,unlike the male child.

A married woman changes her hometown and religion?

tpia6:
I think this is more important than "who is happily married".

the "happily" alone sounds like kids material, no offence.

What is 'kids material' about "happily" married?

Tee99:
Searching....
Outfit/dress not found

I thought I was the only one.

THE lady is not dressed na

mygeeZ:
I might not be able to address all the issues raised by virtue of this topic.. Nonetheless, i wish to give a little background of our union.. Finance is not really an issue here cos i have my own business of tiles/marble importation while my wife is a public servant..i reside in lagos why she in Owerri. The incident happened why she was on visit to lagos.
We agreed on d number of children we will have from onset, of which we still need 2more to 'seal d deal' The challenge we have is that for over a yr now we have been trying to work her transfer down to lagos to no avail.
Her reason for taking the pills, which i found out when we discussed was that taking care of two children with pregnancy will be stressful for her considering the fact that am far away. Good reasons, i would have encouraged her to do same if i was alerted. The burden/stress/benefitts/ of marriage is a mutual thing.
All the same i made her see reasons why we shud have agreed on that and sought ways of getting the best, pending on when she comes over.
We resolved as follows:
(1) pills/ FB shud be on mutual agreement.
(2) discuss our fears before taking actions.
(3) we only have sex at her safe period
(4) if her transfer didnt work out before the end of the year, we will meet a good physician for FB.
(5) we had a wonderful time, hot romance as if we just met.. It was fun that we didnt remember to use pills.
( 6) just praying and believing God she doesnt get pregnant cos if she does now, that means i will be on compulsory 6months Paternity leave.
Love you all.

Thank God all was resolved amicably.

crackhaus:
Very good advice, I can't fault it...which is why I had no intention of opening it myself - just seeing my moniker as the author will keep some posters away. I'm like an e-conscience, the still-small voice on bandwidth.

Not like I had any wrong motives/intentions though, I don't know why you would think so.

e-conscience?

crackhaus:
Who's gonna open the thread for happily married women to answer some questions we have for them so the unmarried feminists can learn from?

Too many women here have expressed views that I know for sure can't be how their homes are run, very strong views.
Some have said they don't come home after work to cook, others have insisted they can make decisions independent of their husband's consent - some don't need to take permission for anything.

The young and unmarried need to know how a wife should act.

Any takers?

All in a bid to foster unity in the family section on the true way most Nigerian marriages are run, of course...

GOOD thread with a wrong motive

I will advice the OP to open it or another person with genuine intentions

bellong:


I grew up with a woman and two sisters. Disprove my assertion...

Whatever

bellong:
So here goes:

- Are you the head of your family and does your wife respect your leadership as the head?

Yes I am and she has never contested nor argue it. And I have not turned myself to an emperor nor lord over her.

- Do you accept that your wife makes any family decisions without your knowledge whether or not it involves her body?

Except the decision was urgent and cannot wait for me to hear about it, yes she can. If not, decision must be made with both parties involved. Inasmuch as I wouldn't take a decision without her knowledge, then she wouldn't without informing me.

- When there's a difference of opinions, on whom does the final say/decision rest? You or your wife?


There is no direct answer to this. Life is not black and white. Depending on who it is affecting. If its not going to have a negative impact on me or the boy, I allow her have her way. I am slow in taking major decisions as I tend to think through them contrary to her who is impulsive.

This is how I won her over, in the first year of our marriage, whenever such situation arose, I allowed her have the final say that is after enumerating the possible consequences. 98% of the time, it happened that way and after about three to four occasions, we never have to argue over decisions anymore. And she is now very good in thinking things through before acting.

- For those of you with wives who have a job that takes her out of the house everyday, who cooks the most? Does your wife come back home to prepare meals or do you do it before she returns?

She does the cooking. I can count the number of times I have cooked. The memories of my childhood experiences in the kitchen still haunt me.. I did told her prior to marrying her that there is no chores I won't help her with but she should count me out of cooking. I get food from restaurants for the family on days she can't cook.

- Does your wife need/ask your permission before doing anything relating to her own family?

For this she doesn't need my permission at all because I care less. Although she does inform me. I believe if you have the resources and someone is in genuine need, nobody should be a clog in the wheel of help. After all, her family is my family.

- When it comes to your home, who does the most complaining over things that don't go their way? You or your wife?

I don't understand this question. None of us complains, we address issues and we both make efforts to adjust without complaining. You should know that women like to talk all the time even over an inconsequential matter. If you understand this as part of their genetic makeup, one will not see it as complain but something they can't help but talk. It is when it turns to nagging that one can start complaining.

These are what I can think of now, I'll be back to ask some more as they come to me.

OK....

@ Bolded:

kilokeys:
shades of grey is a term that encompasses all possible things good and bad, logical and illogical, reasonable and unreasonable.

situation ethics plays in that region
where the case at hand is best handled by people in it. nobody can really tell u how it truly is.. call the wife and u hear another story,
call a neighbour or family members and u hear another thing.
thats why the symbol in the law is that of a blindfolded woman with a sword and a weigh balance.

what i am saying in essence, perception differs

So posters on this thread doesnot know that or the 'headship' they do them gra gra that they couldn't ask the OP questions?

Only the person wearing the shoe knows how it pinches

The fact I can tell my hubby how much I earn without problems does not mean I would advice the wife of a reckless spender to do same. Let us all learn to look at things white, black and grey.

kilokeys:
hehehe she should do what seems best to her o.
i wouldnt air my opinion on that issue.

she gats to do what she gats to do (sic).

LOL!

kilokeys:
bukatyne


there is no white or black stance on this issue

shades of grey

Suddenly there are shades of 'grey'?

I laugh in Spanish!

The hubby MUST give his blessing else the wife is going to hell!

All these one we are saying is greek!

If our sister or friend cries to us that the hubby is not consenting to FP after series of talks, we will take her to have it fitted ourselves

NL, carrygo!

If this OP's wife (GOD forbid) dies in child birth, the same people will say why didn't she use FP?

K:
. I wonder o, my dear ask him. I personally do not see anything wrong in using brith control pills without your consent. I have been on 5 year implanon without hubbys consent, this is my 3rd year. My hubby as a catholic believes only on billings method, a method i cant still degest till date. I took in for my second baby unplaned and i went tru hell with that pregnancy becos my rhesus factor . I decided that i will take charge of my body and do what is best for me. So talk to your wife about it and if you are tired of the marriage, just divorce her instead of makin excuses here, after all you just called your marriage bondage, there is more to that than a birth control pills . Why will your wife want to cheat on you sef? Why do you think she on pills because she is cheating

@propnents of getting hubby's blessing before you do FP, what do you say about this?

How do you advice this woman to manage the situation?

kilokeys:
hehehe she should do what seems best to her o.
i wouldnt air my opinion on that issue.

she gats to do what she gats to do (sic).

Are you not funny?

This is what I posted on another thread:

bukatyne: IT is common place for a lot of woman to do family planning without hubby 's consent especially they know he would not agree. I understand where they are coming from because they are responsible for carrying the baby and the primary health care for a while. It is their lives hanging in the balance literally. I would also understand if a man that is the sole provider withdraws his child from a school because he cannot cope with the fees especially after discussing with wifey who disagreed

During counseling, the pastor told the story of a wife who kept on giving birth after warnings. After the last baby, the doctor. Decided to tie the woman's womb but it was too late. The woman died and yep, hubby has remarried.

I repeat, many women are on FP without hubby's consent/knowledge/permission/blessing

Hmmm

@okotv:

How are you?

Happy Birthday in arrears.

It is well with you and God will crown all your efforts with success in Jesus Name

bellong:
I have heard so many repetitive words from a lot of posters male and female alike saying marriage requires a lot of hard work.

My question, what kind of hardwork or what is the definition of this hardwork?

Why must there be hardwork in a marriage? The word hardwork sounds like too much of a burden to carry.

I want to believe that marriage should be between two individuals who are sincere and will be sincere with each other throughout their lifetime. When there is sincerity of purpose and actions, things will be easier for couples and hardwork wouldn't be necessary.

Fairness, equity and openness are qualities that preserve a union without either of the party seeking how to outdo the other. Having these will make every home a praise on earth.

Potential couples should strive to understand each other very well so as to adopt methods and skills that will help build and cement their union.

Pride, either from the male or female, is a big recipe for destroying a union. Pride goeth before fall.


Getting unwholesome advice and counsels from people who do not seek the good of your home will only crash your union.

In summary, be sincere with each other in all things and so many things will come easy in your relationship.

I sincerely think we need to open a new thread to ask the 'hardworkers' the work they are doing

edwife:
I do not have any issue with anyone,like i said i was referring to no one in particular but just something i noticed happening here.I do agree it was off....

No problem