₦airaland Forum

MizMyColi:

What I like about this couple is the fact that they have seen MESS in their marriage.
That mess bore their Message to the world.

Honestly, I rarely pay attention to marriage counselors who paint marriage as one fairy tale like ish, who give this impression that they've always been in love and try to make light of their past and present issues. Selling false hopes.
There's rarely, if ever, a marriage that is ordained by heaven where there won't be heaven shaking issues.

But then, like the OP said, God'll use the imperfections in him to perfect the imperfections in you and vice versa.

Its not about being bound by a man or woman, it's a choice one makes.
There is no fear in love and there is no love in fear.

Very correct

I think where our church miss it is insisting or piling everything up on the head of the wife

Then marriage becomes a chore

Godmystrength: And what/who determines what offense is major? What may be minor for them in her family and she can overlook might be major for me in my house and make me boiling?.......... anyway, i see the OP as a form of encouragement and not ''this is how you MUST do it''......... The christian race is an individual race.....

Ok, what's major and minor to you?

What do you think worth's your hubby sleeping on the couch or denying him s.ex?

carefreewannabe: So what are wives suppossed to do when ...

1 ... a husbands cheats on them?

2 ... a husband cheats on them and infects them with a STD?

3 ... a husband beats them up?

4 ... loses his salary on gambling?

understand they are talking to a Christian audience and do not expect such anyways

This is to husbands

"Husbands, Honor Your Wives"! ~ PAV

If you have to hide it, lie about it or do it in the dark, then God nor your wife would approve. If you have to clear your history on the internet or delete texts, inboxes and emails so she won't see them, it's probably inappropriate towards God and your wife. We shouldn't have to hide anything from our "Good Thing" who God has blessed us with!

Remember, we are one with our wives. It is a great disrespect to God and our wives if we do anything deceitful behind their backs that would dishonor our covenants. If we are really born again believing men as we proclaim, then we are to behave ourselves in that manner when we are with our wives and when we are not with our wives.

Our wives should be able to trust us with their hearts at all times even if we are at odds with them as being at odds is no excuse to do anything behind their backs that would hurt their hearts. Even on social media and electronic devices, we should behave ourselves as Godly married men who respect the Lord, our wives and our marriage covenant by not engaging in sinful conversations that would hurt and dishonor our God and our wives. Our wives should be able to read ANY messages we've had in private and be at peace knowing that we always honored the Lord and them during conversations they were not a part of. #HonorYourWife

1 Peter 3:7 (AMP), "In the same way you married men should live considerately with your wives, with an intelligent recognition of the marriage relation, honoring the woman as physically the weaker, but realizing that you are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. Otherwise you cannot pray effectively".

We have to realize that the way we treat our wives can either help in our prayers being answered or hinder in our prayers being answered. Let us dwell with our wives and honor them while leaving all deceitfulness behind. #HonorYourWife

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Thanks Fam!

https://www.facebook.com/BeTrulyFaithful?fref=ts

Let's discuss

Godmystrength: According to OP

anyway, i am still waiting for what is expected of the husband to do even when the wife upsets him..

Same thing

matify: Crap!!!

What is good for the goose is also good for the gander and that is the gosple truth and not the antiquated ink of male chauvinists whose thought-train have little relevance in our dynamic and contemporary world.

Women! Don't be blinded by those contraptions of men to hold you bound .

Ok, this is for women only

The same message will definitely be to the men also

Godmystrength: What if you catch him cheating on you? The first best thing must be to close shop and get tested before you even think about talking about it.

@OP- all these things are easier to write than put to action. How can i be upset with someone and still act as if nothing happened? Forget about it been my husband now. It is just a natural thing. Once you are hurt/offended, you can never be the same until it is sorted out.....

diaris God ooo

She is talking about withholding sex or food or sending him to sleep in the guest room when he offends but honestly I agree that offences have different levels and this couple in question try their best not to do major offences.

When they wanted to separate one time they were having issues before they started this Facebook page, the husband moved in back with his parents and waited till their issue was resolved.

He did not go to a lady's place; he did not see it as a license to cheat etc. he stayed faithful till their issue was resolved.

So you see, they take their vows seriously and try to be the best.

They are not Christians in mouth

teeo: I wish all women would agree to this, but no they won't. The first thing they do is close shop when he offends them .

Nice one OP....

Lol!

It is not easy and depends on the offence

If she catches him on another woman...

MizMyColi: The whole essence of marriage is, to love as God loves.

#ThinkOnThis

Very true

I always say husbands and wives should see themselves as Christian brothers and sisters and treat each other like that and even better

I do not understand why a husband will be nice to all the women in his unit, respect them etc. and can't do the same at home or why a woman would respect her pastor more than her husband.

what baffles me is a woman kneeling for a pastor when she doesn't kneel for her hubby or dancing after the pastor, cooking for him etc. when she cannot do such at home.

Our first duty of service is to our spouses

Very true

Not easy, but true

Ok, this is to we wives.

"Wives, Reverence Your Husbands Even When Upset"! ~ OEV

I don't care how upset I may get with my husband, there is no "dog house" for him. There is no "Sleep on the Couch" for him or no denial of sex. That is not how I treat the man that I prayed for just because I may be upset with him. So what happens when I'm upset with him? The same thing that happens when I'm not upset with him. We will work it out, but sometimes we cannot work it out until much later when the children are sleep, but until then, he's gets the same benefits of marriage while I'm upset with him as he does when I'm not upset with him. Reverence of my husband is not based on what he does or does not do. Reverence of my husband is a commandment from God Himself, to me as a wife and I am to do it whether I'm upset with my husband or not. This is what those older wives in the Lord taught me a few years back (Titus 2) and this is what I have been applying in my marriage ever since they told me that. It has not always been easy but with the grace of God and the strength of Christ I am able to reverence my husband even when I am upset with him. Had I known this before 2009, my husband and I may have NEVER separated! Point?

Wives, don't dishonor your husbands when you're upset with them; reverence them anyway. They are not dogs nor our children that we get to punish or put in "time out" when we are upset with them! We are not their "gods" that we get to choose how we punish them when they may cause us to be upset. In fact, we don't get to punish them at all. No, what we get to do is be their wives, their GOOD THINGS, their lovers and friends ALL the days of our lives!

And before a wife says, "But what about when they...." stop right there. This is TO wives FOR wives, not to or for husbands. We wives must be accountable for OUR actions and OUR behavior. In fact, here's what the word of God says on this matter.

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV), "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives..."

Eph 5:33b, "...and the wife see that she reverence her husband".

Prov 31:12, "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life".

We can't claim Prov 31 wife status by constantly behaving opposite of that. We must do what the word says and keep doing our husbands good, even when we are upset with them. Remember our post entitled "LOVE, Even When Angry"? Well today I'm talking to wives on a personal level because God is not pleased with the way many "Godly Wives" have been treating their husbands by withholding sex, kicking their husbands out of the bed, putting them on the sofa and many won't even cook for their husband when they are upset with them. No we Godly Wives are to be set apart and not do things the way the world does but instead do things like we are daughters of Sarah. Remember 1 Peter 3:6 says, "Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters you are, as long as you do well..." So let us continue to "do well" by reverencing our husbands even while we are upset with them.

Know that when we do this, not only may our husbands be won over to repent for whatever it is they did to make us upset in the first place but also, God will be pleased with how we behave towards our husbands even when we are upset with them. Be Encouraged Wives!

Unpopular post I know, but share it anyway so that other wives and wives-to-be may be encouraged! Thanks Fam!
— with LaPria Bonner and 20 others.

Let's discuss

https://www.facebook.com/BeTrulyFaithful/photos/a.212819528767214.53317.173463362702831/557547304294433/?type=1&comment_id=736043729778122&notif_t=like

pickabeau1: This is the opening sentence....Except spouse is another word for wife only






He said imperfection - in his case, her lack of apologies after arguments

You and Royver were deciding what was imperfection and what was irritation.

mcdreeezy: Ok oh, but I don't think sex should be an issue between couples. There are way more important things in life and marriage than the aforementioned IMO

You are joking right?

Royver: As to your question, yes I would, without hesitation.

You seemed to have missed the point of your own sermon. The man talking is not talking as a husband to husbands, he is talking as a spouse to spouses.


See other paragraphs as well.

Take time to read the sermon again, quietly, in a place devoid of distractions. It appears now that you brought this article out thinking it was directed to men only. That is not how a marriage works and is in fact a contradiction to what your op is trying to teach you. You are still apportioning blame, pointing the finger and not realising that the other fingers are pointed back towards you,asking you to look inwards.

Marriage requires mutual understanding, mutual forgiveness. Marriage is not an exercise in fault-finding or showing you are better than your partner, that is ALWAYS a recipe for frustration and disappointment.

Marriage is a two way street, not one way. What applies to one person applies to the other, the op has simply used himself as an example which is an embodiment of humility.

Just seeing this because I am replying posts in a random/ down to up manner

This article was written to men. They write to men, women and both depending on leading and topic. You just sounding like other Nigerian guys in his Facebook page. See below his comment to similar guys.

Okay..okay let me say this too: Emmanuel you too: This is entitled "The Imperfections of MARRIAGE", not the imperfections of The Wife, as you all, especially the MEN on this topic, love to bring up, "what about the wife..." or "what about the husband".... STOP IT! Take this word for the TRUTH that it is and STOP trying to turn it around on someone else! Turn this message to YOURSELF and go before God about what He can perfect in the imperfect YOU, not your spouse. Didn't you pay attention to what was said about God showing me MYSELF every time I complained to Him about my wife? Let me guess, you read half the post, got carried away and just started commenting without even reading the whole thing. How can you comment on half of a thing when you haven't read the WHOLE of a thing? You CAN'T! So PLEASE STOP, THINK FIRST, THEN MAKE YOUR COMMENT. Even if you have to REREAD the entire post, do that so you won't get on here and say all these irrelevant things that you say and get on here looking foolish. It's not a rant, it's juat the truth. Now leave my wife alone. *Arms folded* ☆PAV☆

Royver: These examples you gave are inconveniences, not imperfections. Hopefully you are not going to divorce your husband because he scatters your wardrobe.


I know of two couples; the first are close to me and recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. I found out the man used to be a cheat and wife beater in their early years. It was the wife who changed him with patience and prayers and till today he unashamedly tells anyone who cares to listen why he will be forever indebted to her.

For the second couple the wife used to be a big spender and an alcoholic, embarrassing her husband at parties, picking fights and being lewd with men. Many a time the man would come to see our parents to complain about her. One day he was advised to look inwards that maybe he should work on himself first. I remember the shouting match that ensued between him and the elder that advised him but in the end he took it to heart. You will not know they had such a problem if you see them now. The woman is very humble and does not touch even canned star now she comes for occasions. Previously she wouldn't help in serving or any of that stuff but now she even goes into the kitchen to help with preparations. Thier marriage is close to 12years old.

Like I said earlier, it is not about me or what I will do, it was written by a male pastor to the male folks.

I just gave wardrobe example and yes I have heard people have problems or divorce because of toothpaste (I cannot verify the story though)

If it is inconvenience to you, fine, it was an imperfection to him and he wrote about it.

pickabeau1: focus should be spouse-to-spouse rather than directed to malefolk; imperfections rather than irritations.... astute observations.. Royver

My apologies I was not explicit

The write up was written to men especially. The couple write to husbands/wives or both as led.

@ For imperfection or irritation, I copied exactly what the man in question wrote.

freshdude2: I totally agree with your first paragraph still, that is not the only way to show love or deal with a difficult spouse. I assume God would not deal with all marriages the same way.

As per necessity in towing that line, one would assume that it should be towed as one is led to, no?

Yes, I agree

fr3do: Its this kind of yarn that pisses me off!
So sex is not enjoyed by the female?

Well well, you cannot have it both ways.

When a guy & girl date and break up, the guy says he used the girl

When the girl says after all she has done like intimacy. et al, the guy says they both enjoyed it.

It is either you both enjoyed it and nobody is used i.e.you don't get to brag you slept with a girl to score a point

OR

The girl is really giving you sex and you both break up, you are used her.

MizMyColi: ^^^True that.
People don't change, they merely reveal themselves.

True

This is actually someone's personal text

freshdude2: So, you're saying that women shouldn't or are under no obligation to tow the path Mr. EgoPers did?

Well, a husband is called to lead his home by example.Being the head nor be for mouth, it is serious work

Wives should tow that line when necessary.

In reality, wives actually tow it more

freshdude2: Hahahaaha. Scattered wardrobes cause family disputes? Buka, please tell me you're joking.

I am serious.

Different things put different people off

5minsmadness: Rare how? Are you also saying having a good wife is also rare?
Modified... I see someone else has already addressed you on that

Husbands that react like that are rare like Alikaxon rightly said

Royver: Once again, whose rule books are you using to draw the line? Where do you define your imperfections from? If your Christ was able to forgive those who crucified him, shouldn't you be able to do same as well? Is it the trivial/small things things in marriage that make a person imperfect but once it gets tough you are justified in leaving?

This is not about me, it's from a husband to husbands.

Let's start with you, would you pray for your cheating wife?

pickabeau1: Thanks,... which is why i quoted the second verse which states that letting the personal flaws of someone slide by in the name of love causes more problems... wat do u think?

He whom the father loves...he chastises.....

Why should unlimited forgiveness be advocated for the hubby and constant strife tolerated for the woman contrary to the fruits of the Spirit?

He didnot pretend the problem was not there, he took it to God/God told him how to solve it.

Royver: And what are implying by this statement?
Your very OP tells you that if you feel you have a difficult husband then you change him by first of all changing yourself.
Saying good men are "rare" does not help your point.

Considering the fact that a male pastor wrote about his wife's imperfection and how the Holy Spirit told him to handle it to a male audience, I quite do not get your post.

Or is this a case of seeing what we want to see as usual?

pickabeau1: You see the light...!

For now.. i want to get the POV of the PAV/bukatyne and get how this unlimited forgiveness thing works

God said we should forgive 70 x 7 daily and no body can beat that

It is more of knowing your partner's flaws and praying for him/her to change + grace to endure while they are changing.

If I know that my hubby will always scatter our wardrobe, it will be unwise of me to keep complaining about it: it will be better I change the way I view his scattering our wardrobe while praying for him to change.

pickabeau1: Am i right to say you advocate for a love that takes hurt and hurt until the Spirit convicts the person right?

Infinite Forgiveness.. etc

is that correct?

I advocate we leading lives as Christians for those who are.

It is to adapt to your partner's imperfections while you pray for change or adapt.

Note it is an imperfection or a flaw in character. I am sure you know I or 2 people who are good but impatient, unapologetic;unforgiving etc. and you will try to relate with them while skirting their ish.

Stuffs like abuse, cheating etc. are not imperfections and I am not advocatng anyone should stayput.

MizMyColi: There's a spirit in Man. The inspiration of the Almighty gives him understanding.

The understanding expressed in the original post is one that resonates with the understanding I've been having lately.

Its more like a burden (But you know Abba's burdens are very lightweight).
I have this calling to manage relationships.
More like a minister of reconciliation.

The testimony expressed in the OP is akin to the transformation that occurred in my family. I never believed I could love my Mom and Siblings like I do now. The Laughter in our house feels like its been that way since forever. I was/am the agent of change in our home. I gave it all to God and everyone of us changed. (I'm actually making the story lighter).

Now it feels like Abba wants me to do the same, in a marriage relationship this time.
On my way back from work, I mused over this post, and I'm asking Dad, Why me, why shouldn't it be the man who wants to change me, why do I have to be the one to bear this, why? why? (I literally did
that).

Then he drops a line:
That he gives the toughest battles to his toughest soldiers.

I really wish I could say more.
This should suffice

Hmm

It is my turn to say unsettling.

Doing marriage/life God's way is hard but easier than doing it the world/culture's way and trying to apply godly principles to it.

I pray God gives you the strenght to carry through.

egopersonified: 5minsmadness, I used to be all these you decribed, but I learnt from my husband what love really meant. Imagine after an argument where normally, I have ranted for long, the next thing he says is 'honey, am going out, do you need anything?' and am like this guy no no say we dey quarrel? The one that started getting me embarassed was when I borrow money, I dont pay back but when he borrows, he pays to the last kobo, I stopped collecting it back out of shame. I then learnt how to report him to God when he annoys me instead of lashing out at him, but like the opening post, God always turns it around to me and I found out my attitude began to change. Recently, I dont even see some as faults any more. I'm still not perfect but we have come a looooooooong way.

You know, some men do not know what it entails to lead their homes.

You are lucky you have a rare one beside you.

pickabeau1: this explains a lot

in the last thread you/he said something about love taking hurt and hurt until the Spirit convicts the person right?

Infinite Forgiveness.. etc

What do u think of pro 27.5

Better is open rebuke than hidden love...

What has did got to do with the topic?

@RoyalRoy,

Thanks a lot.

pickabeau1: who is this pav.. is he a pastor

Yea

Short for Pastor Anthonio Vance. He does the facebook stuff with his wife Octavia E. Vance