₦airaland Forum

MizMyColi: Eishhhhhh! The truth in this post is quite unsettling.

Unsettling?

Why?

Welcome to the thread

awhales: @ tpia I think what she meant is when women just carry on solely about their family. Me sef that am married with a child, if you go on and on about your family I switch off it could be so booooring.

But it's normal to talk about your family, common who wouldn't? Like I always tell myself, know when to draw the line. Be sensitive and have good communication skills...#myfamily #mypride #

Thanks

tpia1: It is abnormal to talk about your family and the kids you carried for nine months?

Ma'am, stop saying things because you feel you are anonymous, some of this stuff you are postulating, could bring a curse on you.


And you are even a woman?


If you are fed up of hearing people mentioning their families, you could either change the topic or stop seeing them.

But to call it abnormal, shows your problem is something deeper.

Emm tpia,

I will assume I did not see your post

Thanks

aisha2: True nah. If I was the man I will not raise my hand to do a thing in the house, let her sweat, cook, clean, bath the kids and only sit and watch TV all day, let me see the mouth she will use to complain after all supporting each other should be at ones "discretion"

The man is the head na and should be super power (Trust me, I have heard that before)

I can't conceive people saying my money your money in marriage nor understand the need to have my house, my car, my land, etc.

Maybe I just very weird

5minsmadness: Was actually more interested in the 'Nigerian god' issue

However,

If you have watched the film 'fireproof' it depicts what the OP is trying to explain here perfectly. Iys a film every couple should watch. Marriage is not about trying to correct the fault in your partner - that should have been taken into consideration when you two were dating - marriage is about making yourself better so you partner can enjoy you more.

I'm going to be a bit biased here and talk to the ladies a bit since the topic already addressed the man. Some ladies have a tendency to want marriage to be all about themselves, vis:

What can the man do for me?
What can he provide for me?
What is he going to give up for me?
When is he coming home early to me?
He should treat me like a princess.
He should be able to be patient with me.
Etc etc.

BUT

What have you done for the man?
What can you provide for him?
What will you give up for him?
Why should he come home early to you?
Do you treat him like a king?
Are you forgiving towards him(after all men make most of the mistakes)

Marriage should sha be about sacrifice.

All derailers...

I agree with you.

What interested me most in the write up is that it's from the husband and the advice the Holy Spirit is quite very different from what a typical pastor/Iman/elder will give

The advice will be suited more towards the wife is bla bla and should learn to be submissive.

I wonder if there are different

aisha2: This is not a minor issue. "at my discretion" doesnt work in marriage oh, you both need to know what each other is bringing for better planning.
What does she intend to do with her money? Was she not feeding herself before she married him? As she is now, does she not have a budget for food or does she just eat selectively at her discretion?
Two partners are coming together to form a team, it is better to both know what we are bringing and where we stand before we start the partnership than to start discussing terms and conditions half way and at that point pay lawyers an arm and a leg. If the partnership will not sail its better and cheaper to know from the beginning.

Just imagine you want to set up a company, and one partner says I will buy the land, set up the office and you just buy office supplies and the other one says "No oh, i will only buy office supplies at my discretion" haba.

If you want to be a traditional wife dont come complaining when he acts like a traditional husband.

LOL!

5minsmadness: The problem with marriages is that people don't marry for love anymore. If you love someone you are that person's mumu, you shift grounds for the person, you do the things that makes the person happy because invariably that's what makes you happy.

Now all we have are selfish people who feel the person they marry should outdo themselves for them. They want to be treated as princesses and kings, they want to be provided for , they want to be catered to. Nobody does anything just out of love anymore.

It was better when it was arranged marriages. This western ideology is whack. Our ancestors were wiser.

People did not marry for love in our fathers' time either

What helped was that there was a stiff division of duty that everybody stuck by

5minsmadness, over to you

I opened this thread previously but derailed it myself


"THE IMPERFECTIONS OF MARRIAGE!" ~ PAV

Many times God will use the imperfections of your spouse to perfect an imperfection in you. Did you all catch that? Let me say it again. Many times, God will use the imperfections of your spouse to perfect an imperfection in you. Let me explain.

In my marriage, my wife hardly ever apologized first. It didn't matter if she was the one who was originally at fault, in the end, I always apologized first and this drove me to be angry with her many times. I remember several arguments in the past where I would have to apologize first in order for the argument to end. Then I would bring up to my wife how yet again, I had to apologize first and she would always bypass my complaint. It finally got to a point that I started complaining to the Lord about my wife. Well, I was tired of it so I asked the Lord, "Why do I ALWAYS have to be the one who apologizes first? Why can't she just admit she is wrong and apologize? Is that so hard? I can do it, so can she"! But the Lord would always show me something about me! I didn't understand. There I was coming to the Lord about her yet He was showing me something about me. So what was my response? "But what about HER? Why won't you change her"? And that is when He made it clear that He wanted to change ME! It was frustrating to keep going to God about changing my wife and getting that He wanted to change me but, I eventually realized what God was doing. He was in fact working on me.

God showed me that He wanted me to stop complaining about my wife and PRAY FOR HER in that area! He wanted me to stop complaining to her about her and pray with her more. He wanted me to keep apologizing and stop keeping count. If I was wrong I needed to apologize but if she was wrong, I needed to stop expecting her to apologize and forgive her anyway. Doesn't seem fair does it? It doesn't seem fair that my wife, as a believer, could not apologize first to me, her husband. Here we are as two believers in a Godly marriage and I had to forgive her whether she apologized to me or not. Not fair at all. But I didn't get married for everything to be fair in my marriage. I married to be the Christ-like husband I was called to be and apart of that meant that I would not be weary in well doing.

So what did I learn? I learned that to do good is good, so why should I get weary? If I'm doing God's laws, I should have peace and joy that I am obeying Him and pray for my wife if she is disobeying Him. That does not mean I don't tell my wife what's on my heart, it just means I don't beat her over the head with her flaws and throw my good deeds in her face by constantly reminding her of what she's not doing while telling her the good I am doing. Did any of you catch that?

It is not for spouses to parade their good deeds in each other's faces. "I always apologize to you but you never apologize to me" or "I always do this but you never do that" or "At least I do this because you don't even do that"! Because what good will that do? Is that building your spouse up in their area of weakness? Is that putting your spouse above yourself? Is that doing all you can to live at peace with your spouse? No. Doesn't mean I can't share my frustrations or dislikes with my wife, it simply means I DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST HER and treat her as such. No, I just keep doing what I am supposed to do because remember, I and I alone will have to stand before the Lord on how I treated the wife He gave me when this life is over.

I have learned and I am still learning that when my wife has an imperfection and it bothers me, that God is going to use her imperfection to perfect an imperfection in me. So now I just prepare for Him to work on me. You can't tell people you're a work in progress and remain the same because a work in progress has NOTICEABLE PROGRESS not stagnation!

In the end, I stopped complaining about my wife and began to pray for her more. I stopped telling her how I always apologize first and kept apologizing first anyway. My attitude changed from complaining about her imperfection to asking God to perfect me in my imperfection towards her imperfection. Did you catch that? LOL! And God began to work.

A few years ago, my wife and I had a disagreement and I thought lightening flashed when she said, "I'm sorry"! I was literally shocked because she said it FIRST! Just as I was about to joke about her being first to apologize, the Holy Spirit tugged at my spirit that now was not the time to joke. And do you know why? Because God was at work in her life. Just as she was apologizing, the Lord began to show me that apologizing was not easy for my wife so for her to apologize first meant that God was not only working on her, but He was also ANSWERING MY PRAYERS! And ain't no time for joking when the Lord is working and answering prayers at the same time. Isn't God awesome? He was delivering my wife and answering me at the same time. Nobody but GOD can do that!! Now I will be honest, it took many times in between for her to make apologizing a habit but TODAY, she will apologize when she is wrong and many times she is first to do so.

The point I'm making is this..many times, our spouse's imperfections are because of a struggle within them that God has been trying to work out in them for the longest of times. My wife confessed to me how in bondage she was to "being right" so apologizing was hard, even as a believer. And that goes to show you no marriage is perfect, not even a marriage of believers.

Like my wife said in a previous post entitled "CALLED TO LOVE FOR LIFE", in marriage, we will have to endure and forgive each other. We will have to be patient for change in each other but more importantly we will have to recognize that the imperfections that bother us, many times God will use to work on us. So let Him! Because God also showed me that I was keeping score in my marriage but that true Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor 13:5d).

So allow God to perfect your imperfections. The next time your spouse does something to get on your nerves, go before the Lord and say, "It's me Lord and I'm bothered by what my spouse is doing. Nevertheless, work on me in this area and help my spouse in their area of struggle. Deliver us both but start with me Lord so I can love them through their struggle" and watch God begin to work!

Phil 1:6, "Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ".

Psalm 138:8(a), "The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me..."

1 Cor 13:5 (NIV), "...(LOVE) does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs".

Gal 6:9 (NLT), "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up".

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Thanks Fam! — with Julia Seyi Pedro and Abosede Olufunso.

https://www.facebook.com/BeTrulyFaithful/photos/a.212819528767214.53317.173463362702831/557547304294433/?type=1&comment_id=736043729778122&notif_t=like

Let's discuss

tpia1: So career women do not talk about their kids and husbands?

Just asking.

They have other things to talk about

Like I said earlier, it is abnormal talking only about your children and husband when you are with your friends or colleagues

There are several topics of discussion; Ebola, Chibok girls, Church, Mosque, style of hijab, length of skirt, soup, book haram, prevented attack at Ikeja Airport etc.

Sophyrocks: O.k that is fair enough. It shouldnt be a cause for alarm then.
BUT I hope he sticks to his part of the agreement. It seems the way he communicated it with her did not sit down well with her. I hope performing house chores aare not a big deal to him too.

When he is providing everything?

Is the wife to be asleep?

If she does not want to contribute, no lele; she does all the chores herself

crackhaus: You must be a very passionate lover

Maybe..

Maybe not

5minsmadness: @bukatyne very interesting post you have here. However it seems to have been overshadowed by the more interesting post of "the Nigerian god." It would have been nice if there was a seperate thread for it so people can air their views without derailing this thread.

Thanks

I would the mods if they can please hide comments about nigerian god to enable us discuss the thread

OR

Lock the thread while I create another one.

Got carried away by the nigerian god

armyofone: lol, i thought brothers actually said that. So sisters decided to go brazillian on them .

Hahaha!

onirugbon1: hehehehe Too much romantic novels. Whites have many psychos too.

You mean such men don't exist?

baby124: Why is the first husband and kids trying to fight the second husband who was his friend? The man better buy silk, red boxers and fast and pray that his wife will favor him. Things like polygamous marriage require tolerance, patience and a lot of fasting and prayer. Ile olorogun, ogun ni .

LOL!

Also increase intimate prowness

luvablesam: Would u live a man u LOVE so much if he says, 'coco u need a help mate' lemme get another wife?

Bros, define love

True but if the men can manage it, we should probably learn from them

It is odd talking about your husband and children every time you meet with your friends anyways

EfemenaXY: Lol!

The simple reason is time jare. And (unhealthy) competition. That's the problem with many of us ladies.

Take hair for example. Apart from those mums working for / with an employer, how many of the other mums have the time to go to the salon, much less spend the whole day there? Our single sisters can afford to spend all day at the salon, no sweat but it's different for us mums - especially if you've got crazy school runs to do every single day, Mon - Fri. It's not unusual to find some mums at the school gates with a coat masking their pyjamas, or a wig hastily slapped on to hide hairs that haven't been retouched for over six weeks! Make up? Lucky if many of these mums remember to do more than hurriedly slap on some lipstick sef. Mind you, the things I've listed aren't meant to slight the mums, but just to highlight the fact that there just isn't enough time. Twenty-four certainly isn't enough in one day.

Fashion: This is where the competition comes out jare where you'll see ladies "sizing" each other up, comparing the costs / value of clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, rides, etc. I mean, it's even done in church sef. Childbirth brings about bodily changes and unless you're a health / gym freak, it's a hard task keeping the weight off. This is where insecurity (from the married ones) comes in and it sort of explains why many married women don't want their single friends coming round to visit them regularly for fear that encouraging them to do so would inadvertly encourage their oga to start noticing how much slimmer, more packaged, (and perhaps sexier?) the friend is. Comparisms and criticisms start from this point from the man, so as far as the married woman is concerned, why invite trouble into your home in the first place? And to make them (married women) feel better, many of them rub their husbands and kids in the face of the singletons as a way of hitting back.

Current trends: Only actively discussed between these two different groups of women if it's business related.

Work: That common ground exists if the married / single ladies are work colleagues, so yes, there'll be that common ground for them to base their discussions on. It's also within this environment that they'll feel free enough with each other to have diverse talks that include music, current affairs, national events / occurrences, etc.

idupaul: I know ur type ..U want a totally submissive and sub servient husband

What has submissiveness and sub servient got to do with the issue on ground?

Good nice Vincent.

Seems like a good husband

P.S.: What's with the dicing of Okra? Why not grate it so it can draw

Yea,

Especially mixed ones & Arabs

It would feel nice to be able to run my hands through my lover's hair during love making

Anyways, too late.

Maybe in next life

Gaggi: Women see marriage as an achievement. Instead of friends calling themselves by their names as before they start calling themselves mummy dis or Mrs dis. That automatically puts them on a different pedestal and makes their single friends feel odd.
We guys still call ourselves by nicknames, the single ones don't even remember the married ones are married. Nobody made me feel odd when I was single and I don't make anyone feel odd for being single. We hardly discuss our marriages as it's irrelevant to our friendship.

Thank you

The mummy ish irks me (keep it till I am 70 )

The bolded was a point I was making to Coogar

Why would I allow my husband marry a second wife for fun?

If I no longer loved him, no longer to be his wife but did not want a divorce

Wifey two means freedom to live my life as I wish without strings.

Singly married

On serious note, just give him the space... 3 is a crowd

crackhaus: Yea, that and docile.

I agree

Ok,

Please lets go back to the topic and forget Nigerian god for a while

coogar: it's impossible that married women only talk about their families alone. single women only pick that out of the 25 things that were discussed and choose to be offended by it.

Trust me, some do discuss their families alone and bring up discussions around their families when not necessary

Kachisbarbie: Oh, my own single friends are the worst.
I remember going for a wedding with 1, and they were wasting a lot of time there.

By to 5, I couldn't take it again, this was a Sat, I haven't prepared food for the next week,so I said 'babes, I gats dey go, I need prepare food for the fam'

Chimu o, naso I take find trouble, she just shouted 'Onyi done yab me, no worry, God wey do am for u, go do am for us' I was embarrased.

I don't really act like am married so much around my friends, but they take it upon their self to remind me.
-like during our late night gossips, once e done reach, 10pm and I'm still pinging with them, they will say, married woman , u won't go and sleep.
- I love skimpy wears, so as @when due I wear them, once I use it on my bbm dp, dey will attack, 'did ur hubby see this'.
- If I come wear native, tie gele, dey wud still attack, Onyi ure just 20+ o, don't turn ursef to old woman.....damn, U can't seem to please them.

Another side of the coin

I agree some single people can be toxic though

coogar: only women feel jealous about such nonsense given their nature. i have never heard of single men complain about whatever their married friends have to say about wife & kids.

women would always create problems where there should be none. everything was cool in eden until eve got there. arranta nonsensicus!

True but then married men rarely gist about their families alone

damiso: It's just normal to talk about your kids and husband as a married person (heck I am sure I even go on sometimes about them on NL ) but sometimes you have to make a conscious effort to broaden conversations if the person you are talking to has different interests,I get on well with my single friends but our topics of discussion tends to vary from those who are married with kids.I even try to be sensitive when discussing with married TTC cos if you are not careful simple things you say might be misconstrued as flaunting your kids.

If someone has been your friend before you get married I actually think you just talking about your husband and kids all the time is weird.Did you guys not have similar interests for to be called friends before you got married so yeah I agree(a bit just a bit) that it won't kill some people to have a wider scope of conversation outside of their husbands and kids.


And I agree with Efemenaxy it could actually work the other way I.e the married person being jealous of the single persons ability to just up and go where career takes them.It takes a certain degree of self belief for me not to be jealous of the strides some of my single friends unencumbered with young children have made in their careers.I just believe everyone should realise we all have different journeys and paths and learn to love themselves without unnecessary comparisons.I have friends who got married at 25 and are divorced some who got married at 23 and are still happily married some at 32 etc etc just face your own path. Women and wahala sha.

I think you get the meat of the gist.

Men married or not will discuss family, sports, work, music, car etc. so I wonder why married women should only discuss husband and kids.

What happened to fashion, current trends, hair, music, work, nation etc?

Sophyrocks: Nice thread you got Bukatyne.

Thanks.

pickabeau1: I've read that article before...

So?

Is it today that people commit atrocities in the name of religion

It's not news..

None of what is written there is unique to any nation

What I feel Christians should focus on is exhortation to drop the sins that easily beset.
Except you also believe no christian in Nigeria serves God so we all are in the same boat

Sorry I have been MIA

The issue is not the sin (we all fall once in a while), the issue is reading the Bible point blank and still been able to twist it to one's self. Can a Christian read the Bible and still claim that all men are polygamous or all men must cheat? How can a Christian maltreat her/his maid and still support with Bible verses? How can we say Holy Ghost Zone and alcohol is been sold?

When I listen to the average Christian in Nigeria, I cringe and wonder if we have our specially made Bibles. We mix Christianity + culture a lot here.

If we are serving the true God, our nation would be better than it is.

pickabeau1: Interesting...

So Nigerian Christians don't serve God but god?

I will like to read more of this punch article

The standard is the Bible guided by the Holy Spirit

See Article below:

HOW TO WORSHIP THE NIGERIAN GOD

The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.

This article is for all those who want to become better worshipers. If you are a new or prospective convert, God will bless you for choosing the Nigerian god. This is just how you must worship him.

First, you must understand that being a worshiper has nothing to do with character, good works or righteousness. So the fact that you choose to open every meeting with multiple prayers does not mean that you intend to do what is right. The opening prayer is important. Nothing can work without it. If you are gathered to discuss how to inflate contracts, begin with an opening prayer or two. If you are gathered to discuss how to rig elections, begin with a prayer. The Nigerian god appreciates communication.

When you sneak away from your wife to call your girlfriend in the bathroom, and she asks if you will come this weekend, you must say—in addition to “Yes”—“By God’s grace” or “God willing”. It doesn’t matter the language you use. Just add it. The Nigerian god likes to be consulted before you do anything, including a trip to Obudu to see your lover.

When worshipping the Nigerian god, be loud. No, the Nigerian god is not hard of hearing. It is just that he appreciates your loud fervour, like he appreciates loud raucous music. The Nigerian god doesn’t care if you have neighbours and neither should you. When you are worshipping in your house, make sure the neighbours can’t sleep. Use loud speakers even if you are only two in the building. Anyone who complains must be evil. God will judge such a person.

This is how the Nigerian god judges people who are your enemies- evil people who want to spoil your hustle; like your colleagues who don’t want your promotion; like your single old aunties who secretly don’t want you to marry that rich handsome man (who you haven’t met yet); like all your neighbours who are stopping you from getting pregnant: He violently consumes them by fire. He returns all their evil plans back to sender. So when making requests about all your enemies, do not pray that they be forgiven or that they change. Pray that the Nigerian god kills them off with such violent finality that there is nothing left of them.

Attribute everything to the Nigerian god. So, if you diverted funds from public projects and are able to afford that Phantom, when people say you have a nice car, say, “Na God”. If someone asks what the secret of all your wealth is, say, “God has been good to me”. By this you mean the Nigerian god who gave you the uncommon wisdom to re-appropriate public funds.

Consult the Nigerian god when you don’t feel like working. The Nigerian god understands that we live in a harsh climate where it is hard to do any real work. So, if you have no clue how to be in charge and things start collapsing, ask people to pray to God and ask for his intervention.

The Nigerian god loves elections and politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. It is not your fault whom the Nigerian god chooses to reward with political success. How can mere mortals complain?

The Nigerian god does not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults your religion, you must look for anyone like them and kill them. Doesn’t matter what you use—sticks, machetes, grenade launchers, IED’s, AK47’s.

The Nigerian god performs signs and wonders. He does everything from cure HIV to High BP. And the Nigerian god is creative: he can teach a person who was born blind the difference between blue and green when the man of god asks, and he can teach a person born deaf instant English. As a worshipper you must let him deliver you because every case of sickness is caused by evil demons and not infections. Every case of barrenness is caused by witches and has no scientific explanation. So instead of hospital, visit agents of the Nigerian god. But the Nigerian god does not cure corruption. Do not attempt to mock him.
If you worship the Nigerian god, you are under no obligation to be nice or kind to people who are not worshippers. They deserve no courtesy.

The Nigerian god is also online. As a worshipper, you are not obliged to be good or decent on Facebook or twitter all week except on Friday and Sunday, both of which the Nigerian god marks as holy. So you may forward obscene photos, insult people, forward lewd jokes on all days except the holy days. On those holy days, whichever applies to you, put up statuses saying how much you are crazy about God.
These days, the Nigerian god also permits tweets and Facebook updates like: "Now in Church" or "This guy in front of me needs to stop dozing" when performing acts of worship.

In all, the Nigerian god is very kind and accommodating. He gives glory and riches and private jets. And if you worship him well, he will immensely bless your hustle

.


http://elnathanjohn..com/2012/07/how-to-worship-nigerian-god.html

Idowuogbo: GBAMMEST! !!!!!

Ori e pe mehn! U are highly mouthed I swear! Omo iya mi toh ni common sense

LOL!

The wife nor try